The air outside the Walls had a certain crisp flavor, and Loki decided she liked it. She relaxed in her saddle as the Corps pushed forward past Wall Maria and out into the world. Everyone seemed so tense, but Loki had never felt so calm. The danger hadn't amounted to much yet, and she was confident in her ability to keep herself alive. Erwin obviously wasn't. He somehow managed to get her closer to him in the cluster of troops. They stayed in tight formation with only a few feet between each row of soldiers. Erwin was three horses away from her.

On this outing, they were trying to see if they could get farther than they had on the previous expedition which Loki hadn't been on. Loki looked at the others close to her. Most of them were first timers except for three. One called himself Mike Zacharius and the other two never introduced themselves. One of them looked a lot like one of Erwin's schoolmates though. From what Erwin told her, he had convinced most of his training squad to join the Survey Corps. Apparently they all died.

A cool breeze that smelled like rain swept across her face. Loki looked for the source and found the dark clouds coming in from the East hills. If they wanted to beat the storm back to the Wall, they'd have to turn around soon.

Commander Shadis called out form the front. "We're moving forward at a walk to give the horses a break."

"We should be heading back," Loki frowned. "Fighting titans in a storm is suicide."

"This isn't like training, Loki. You have to obey orders without question." Erwin rode beside her.

"How did you get over here?"

"Don't change the subject. That attitude of yours won't get you anywhere."

"Says you."

Erwin sighed. "Why do you always have to fight me like this?"

"It's fun," she shrugged.

They rode in silence for a long while, the storm gaining on them with every step they took further from the Wall. If they were forced to stay out in the open during a storm, they would all be dead, and it would take at least an hour to get back to the Wall from where they were if they turned at that moment. If the rain started, it'd be even more difficult to get to the Walls because of the lack of visibility. They'd be picked off one by one. When Loki saw her horses ears pin to his head, she stopped.

"Cadet?"

"Titans."

"Wh-"

"Titan hordes incoming at one-"

Loki looked towards the sound of the voice at the front of the group. Then she saw the huge hand sweep down like the hand of a god, taking two soldiers up and out of sight. Everyone went rigid as they heard the screams. Loki watched in shock as the giant humanoid she'd only seen in drawings began gnawing on the necks of the two soldiers. Fear raced up her spine, but there was something else there too. Something deeper. Like...awe.

Formation was broken instantly into chaos. One of them had a massive head, another was on all fours, while another's nose completely dominated its face. Loki heard the word retreat but didn't move. She didn't see them as a threat as long as they were eating someone else and she had an eye on them. Suddenly Erwin had a grip on her horse's reins and turned it at a gallop. Loki nearly fell off as she scrambled to right herself and tighten her grip on the reins. Falling off her horse out here would be a death sentence. When Loki and Erwin finally managed to catch up to the group, they saw the Titan herd coming in from the side. They were nearly surrounded. Some of them were running towards them. They were so fast.

"I fucking knew this would happen," she growled.

"Not now!" Erwin snapped, pulling rank just with the tone of his voice. He wasn't playing around now that the enemy was in sight.

Loki went into soldier mode then and clenched her teeth together. She looked over her shoulder and frowned. Could they honestly outrun an entire Titan herd? Not without a few dirty tricks. As if to answer her, one of the far Titans with arms that dragged behind its body was suddenly barreling head-first towards the back section. Their section.

"Move!" Erwin boomed, jerking on the reigns of his horse.

Loki did the same. They split apart just in time for the Titan to land on the space they'd just occupied, taking a soldier and horse down with them. The impact caused a massive shockwave to rattle them all down to the bone. The dirt, grass, and rocks beneath ruptured and turned to rubble. She was still trying to regain control of her horse when the Titan slapped its giant hands on the ground on either side of her, reaching for her.

Then the zing of metal wire sounded above her head. Loki craned her neck just as Erwin and several other soldiers flew overhead to begin an offensive maneuver. Loki turned in her saddle so she was riding backwards and fired herself up into the trees. A fellow newbie was slammed into a Titan hand just beside her. She couldn't think about that now. She set her eyes on the nearest titan, an unimpressive four-meter class and changed her trajectory. She eased up on the left throttle with her left ring finger, making her swing wide to the right and up. She tightened her backwards grip on her blades and began a free fall above the Titan until her blades connected with the nape. It was her first kill.

She couldn't dwell on it though. She picked out another and went for it using the same technique before her mind could start screwing with her results. She was nothing. She was a machine. This was her only purpose. She was dead and cold already. Death was nothing but the next adventure. It was a mantra she repeated over and over again like clockwork. She couldn't allow herself to believe anything else. If she did, she would start acting like the others. Emotion would get to her, and then she'd be just as dead as the rest of them. She had to prove Erwin wrong. She could hold her own.

She lost count of how many Titans she encountered. When she stopped for a breather, she allowed herself to think. It was like she had slept through it all. She remembered almost none of it. Allowing herself to think was probably her biggest mistake though. A felled Titan collapsed into her tree, and Loki was shaken from the branch. Loki only had time to brace when she fell onto mushy Titan flesh that felt hotter than fire. Loki rolled the rest of the way down to the grass with a grunt. One of the titans nearby lumbered dumbly towards her. It was a seven meter class with a bright tuft of orange hair, a hunched back, and webbed toes. It almost looked like Beppe.

Loki barely had time to get to her feet when the hunched Titan swiped at her with a slow, thin hand. She rolled away and came up in a crouch, grimacing at the burn on her cheek where her skin stayed in contact with the Titan's for too long. She could practically feel the blisters rising up from under her skin. Hopefully they'd only be minor.

"Soldier! Get out of there!"

Loki looked over her shoulder just in time to see a second titan's bulbous fingers closing in on her. Instantly, she readied her blades. She sliced the Titan's fingers off with a clean jerk of her body, but the Titan was faster than he looked, Loki barely registered its other hand swooping towards her before Erwin yelled her name. Loki put one hand on top of the other, making a two-pronged windmill. She braced herself for the impact, planning to use the force to propel her up enough to give her 3DM gear a running start.

As soon as the impact came, Loki fired her gear and swung around, grazing a tree as she came in for the kill. She cut through the nape like it was butter, but the strain had done a number on her blades. Loki brought her thumbs up to the loops under the lapels of her jacket and pulled. She could feel the customized string as it tightened on her arms and wrists. The blades fell out and plummeted to the ground just as Loki put in new ones.

Loki went into a free fall, enjoying the feeling it created before squeezing the trigger on her gear. She swung through the trees, past the dying and the ones begging for help. She was drowning out their cries. In her mind, she was nothing again. She was a monster. A machine. An animal. Loki found a target and buried her blades into the thick hide of the Titan's back. She had lost all feeling. Everything was a blur of blood and numbness.

When they called for a full retreat, Loki could hardly feel her limbs. The sun was setting and the rain stung her eyes. Loki and the other medics tended to the sick and the wounded once they made it to a place where they could stop and take count. Loki began using a system. If they were minor, leave them alone. If it was major, make a dot on the forehead with mud. If they were unsalvageable, she put an X the forehead. Her mind was elsewhere though. She was trying to spot Erwin. She needed to see him, take care of him, make sure he was okay.

Instead she had to deal with a fellow graduate. His right leg was bent at an unnatural angle, and his hair was matted with blood. As Loki wiped away the dried blood on his face, she noticed a gash cut into the side of his head. He was unconscious, and a wound on his shoulder was severe. He wouldn't last long if she didn't clog the wound.

"I need tobacco over here!"

"Here," a familiar voice said as he offered a pack. Erwin? Loki noticed the sling and frowned. She wanted to take care of him. What had happened to him? "Loki, here."

"Sorry, zoned out," Loki mumbled as she stuffed the worst wound with the substance. The cadet groaned but didn't move other than that. "Bandages."

"That's a dangerous thing out here," he said as he handed the drenched strips of cloth to her. Loki snatched them and began covering and sealing each wound. "You're good at this."

"No shit," she grumbled as she waved over someone to load the patient into a cart. "That's why I graduated, remember? Or do they let just about anyone join?"

Loki moved in front of Erwin and began looking him over. As soon as her skin made contact with his, she wanted to get closer. She wanted to press herself against him. She didn't care if it was stupid or reckless. She loved him. She wanted him to love her too. Loki shook her head. No. Focus! She began feeling his head and then his shoulder. She pulled the clothes away and saw the purplish skin. He had several minor cuts, but nothing else that she could find or treat. She watched the twitching at his collar bones, the strain of the muscles in his neck. Her breathing grew quick and shallow at the sight. She wanted to kiss it.

"Erwin, I love you."

"I know," he said coolly as he pushed her away. "And I love you as a sister, Loki. But we can't show favoritism. I know now that you can keep yourself safe, so I won't have to worry about you."

Loki felt tears gather in her eyes. He knew what she meant, and he was rejecting her. He was using that same steel mask that he had used at their father's funeral, when he left to join the military, when he saw her in that fucking brothel. Loki nearly screamed. Anything but this. Anything but Erwin abandoning her yet again. They were supposed to be together. Forever.

Loki called for her horse and mounted it when the time came to head back to Wall Maria. She could just barely see it in the rainy distance. Loki looked at the down trodden faces of those around her. They seemed so deflated. Like her, but for an entirely different reason. Then her eyes caught sight of Erwin, and her chest grew hot. Her hands trembled and her vision blurred with tears.

When she finally managed to pull herself out of her thoughts, she was standing in the stables of the Shiganshina headquarters. Loki looked around in surprise. How much time had passed? It was impossible to tell. She noticed Erwin outside the stall, just out of her reach. He was looking at her horse. Oh, he was looking at her.

"What?"

"I said you should get that looked at. We can't lose soldiers to something as minor as infection."

"What are you talking about?"

"That burn. It looks serious."

"It's fine." Of course, it was just about duty. This was Erwin after all.

"Loki." She suddenly felt a pair of arms wrapping around her. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pushed you away like that. I just get into a certain mindset when I'm out there. I was angry that we lost so many, and I was angry that I almost lost you so many times."

"You did?"

Erwin looked down at her, concerned. "Don't you remember?"

"No."

"I shouldn't have taken out my frustration on you. I apologize."

Loki turned and clutched at Erwin with all her might. She sobbed into his chest and felt him relax as he rubbed her back. This was the Erwin she remembered. He was the one that comforted her when she was scared and held her when she cried.

Erwin kissed her hair as he spoke. "I've been worried. You had such a despondent look. Like you'd given up. Was it...?"

"No, it wasn't the Titans. I'm more scared of humans than Titans. At least you know what Titans will do. They'll devour. Humans are completely unpredictable."

"Then what-"

"I thought you'd leave me again," she kissed his chest.

"Loki, listen," he sighed. "We aren't little anymore. We need to set up boundaries, try to live our own lives away from each other. That doesn't mean we can't be brother and sister though. It's just...people will get the wrong idea."

"So?"

"Loki...it's wrong. We're siblings."

Loki frowned but sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose. Perhaps she was going about this the wrong way. He was always upset when he was with her. Maybe that was the problem. She needed to be happy so she could make him happy. Then he would love her. "Will it make you happy?"

"Yes."

"Okay. For you, I'll do anything."

"That's what I'm afraid of."