Author's Note: How is everyone? Doing okay?
Alright, niceties aside, lets get down to business….which would be….the eleventh chapter of I Am Just a Flea! BWAWAWAWAWA
That was really embarrassing. Glad no-one heard it.
Disclaimer: Blah…blah….blah….blah….no…no…and no, I do not have the copyrights stashed under my mattress. Because that would be too obvious. I'm more of a toaster kind of person.
Chapter Eleven: Where We Get a Lesson in the Malfoy Code of Life, Draco Contemplates Ending It All, and We Now Have Reason to Suspect That The Author And This Story Have A Fetish For Synonyms: The Rainy Day and The Fourth Ingredient.
Yes, yes, Draco Malfoy was one very wretched, very miffed boy. Why, do you ask? Because at this very moment he was out in the rain with a very happy, very elated, and very busy Granger.
And he was stuck cleaning long-toothed pumpkins.
Which, by the way, may I remind you, bite.
But he can bear it. He's a Malfoy. They are supposed to bear it. and according to the Malfoy Code of Life, Chapter Seventeen, section Four, paragraph 9.8, line 5 and so forth, "If a Malfoy does not chin up and force his upper lip to become said stiff…meaning he does not weep and cry and sniffle…while cleaning and/or slaying long-toothed pumpkins…he is in direct violation of the Malfoy code of conduct, and therefore is subject to all manner of punishment…let it be from a painful torture session, a day shopping with a Parkinson, to a bad hair day, to a rainy afternoon trying to entertain said mud-blood Granger. 'Nuff said."
In any case, Draco was grumbling said rules under his breath as he wiped his hands free of the slime that seems to permeate the skin of one such pumpkin, giving in an unhealthy, unearthly, eerie, oily glow. Kind of like Snape, except orange-r.
Draco sat back on his heels as he looked over at Granger. She was happily cleaning out the guts of one sorry dead pumpkin. She threw the remains behind her, and went to work on another one….and…wait!...what was that!...that pink squishy thing she threw behind her!...it was…a long toothed pumpkin's liver! Oh the glory! Oh the ecstasy! Oh the joy! Oh the…slimy….disgusting…thing he now has to hide in his robe pocket. Oh crud.
He sighed as he tried to silently go behind Granger, and then he stopped and picked up the liver. It was nauseatingly, horribly, sickeningly, unbelievably, repulsively, revoltingly warm, wet, slimy and slippery. And if that isn't a way with words, I don't know what else is.
He made a face as he put it pocket. "Gross….." he shuddered. Oops. Granger turned around.
"What is gross Malfoy?" she said, annoyingly cheerful.
"The…the…the pumpkin!" he nearly shouted.
"I know," she said smugly. "That's why I'm the one cleaning it out. Malfoys are too squeamish.
Oh the awkwardness of it all.
"No, I am not…" and miffed, he walked back up to the castle.
Of all the times he could have been at loss for words, this had to be it. "Oh yes, Draco…'no, I'm not'….how witty…how clever…argh, I can think of ten more things you could have said besides that. Buffoon."
But he was instantly quelled by the happy thought of this: "There is only one more ingredient left." And he smiled as he lined them up on his desk. "One hair…check….one slime from an arrange bull-frog….check….one jello book colored marigold and smelling like strawberries…" which, by the way, now had turned his room into a suffocating shrine to that ugly little brat with the red hair and straw-hat, Strawberry Shortcake. Oh the unhappiness of it all, "…and one liver…ugh…of a long-toothed pumpkin. Now what is left?"
Draco scanned the page for the last and fifth ingredient. "Three suckers from a Giant Squid." Draco gulped and looked out the window.
"I wonder how long it would take me to die if I jumped of the sill…."
Not long, m' boy…but in your case….not long enough.
Really, he has it hard. Bad. Horrible. Horrifying. Awful. Nasty. Ghastly. Horrific. Dreadful. Shocking. Staggering. Horrendous. Unspeakable. Oh, this story is just riddled with synonyms, now isn't it?
Author's Note: I'm sure you enjoyed that. Really, I am. Even though it was shudderingly short. But now on to the gallant point!
Whoever reviews gets a virtual red and white licorice stick. Now get to it, my pretties.
Arrivederci amici!