Disclaimer: The author would like to apologize for not updating yesterday, but Ubuntu decided to break down on her, leaving her scrambling to recover her documents. Good news is, she managed to recover all of them. Bad news, her laptop isn't exactly very stable anymore because she went and installed Maverick alpha 3.
And I really do wish I owned Sailor Moon. I really do.
Ten. MacGuffin Delivery Service
"Michi," Uranus whined, pulling on the Senshi of Sea's arm, "are we there yet?"
"No, Uranus," Neptune growled, teeth clenched as she dragged the Senshi of Wind behind her. "We are not there yet."
"Aww. I wanted to introduce you to Giant Red Tentacle Monster—" Michiru's hand quickly muffled her before she could get the rest of Pharaoh Ninety's nickname out. "Mmmf. Mmf."
"Ssh. Quiet. I think the rest of them are in this room. They may have the Space Sword hidden in there," Neptune whispered. Uranus grinned widely.
"All right, Michi!" Biting her lip, a sly look passed over her face before she randomly tackled her lover, hugging her tightly. Neptune let out a small "eep!" of surprise before she toppled over, crashing to the ground.
"Whatdidyoudothatfor?" she demanded quickly, trying her hardest to get the Senshi of Wind off of her. However, as Uranus was currently a giant violin, it was slightly difficult.
"I luuuurve you!" the displaced senshi squealed into her ear, hugging the Senshi of Sea's neck tightly. "And I luuuurve Giant Red Tentacle Monster Who Comes From a Distant Star!"
"No—Haruka—get—off!" Neptune choked out. "You're—suffocating—me!" Her hands flew to the one wrapped around her neck, trying to pry her lover's fingers away. There was an odd gurgling sound in her throat as her head slumped, hitting the ground with a quiet thud.
"Michi?" Uranus asked when her partner stopped responding. She hopped off of Neptune's body, looking down at her still face and poking her cheek.
"Ugh..." Neptune murmured as her eyes fluttered. Uranus grinned widely.
"Hey! Daimon!"
Uranus stood up, looking at the five newcomers curiously. "Oh, Sailor Moon-tachi!" She sprang forward, running to hug them. Moon immediately recoiled, looking at the violin Daimon curiously. "It's terrible! I was hugging Michi-koi and then she stopped responding! Could you pleeeeeeeee..." she took a deep breath, "...eeeeeeeease fix her?"
"Michi-koi?" Mercury asked curiously, pulling her computer out of her ass and beginning to type furiously. "Wait, this is Sailor Uranus!"
"Uranus?" Mars asked, peering curiously at her. "Um, what happened to you?"
"I met Giant Red Tentacle Monster Who Comes From a Distant Star!" Uranus screamed.
The Inners all looked at each other.
"So, what's your civilian name?" Jupiter asked, wondering if Uranus would reveal it in such a state.
"I'm Tenoh Haruka!" Uranus shouted, pointing to herself. "And that's Kaioh Michiru-koi!"
"Haruka-san?" Moon shouted. "You're not dead!" she squealed, rushing forward to hug the displaced senshi. "What happened to you?"
"I don't know! But I'm friends with Giant Red Tentacle Monster Who Comes From a Distant Star!" She threw her arms up in the air. "He'll be here soon, and he'll be our friend!"
"Yay! New friends!" Sailor Moon yelled, throwing her arms up into the air along with Uranus.
"Um, Sailor Moon." Odango Atama looked over at Mercury. "My scanner indicates that she's... erm, mentally insane."
"No! Not Haruka-san!" Sailor Moon gasped, pulling the Rod of Love out of nowhere like she usually did. "We can fix her, minna!"
"And that she can only be cured when the three Talismans... whatever those are... are brought together."
"Oh," Moon said disappointedly, putting the Rod of Love back underneath her skirt. "So what're you doing?"
"We're trying to get the Space Sword back," Neptune said, having woken up a few seconds before.
"Yeah!" Uranus nodded excitedly. "And Tomoe or Germatoid or whatever said that Michi-koi has the second Talisman!"
Neptune cringed. "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... wait, you called me Michi-koi."
Uranus turned to grin widely at her lover. "Don't worry, Nepu-Nepu-Neptune! They know!" She gave an A-OK sign to the Senshi of the Sea, who had begun to look rather panicked.
"You told them?" she said, rounding on Uranus. "What else are you going to do, tell them all about our relationship?"
"That's a good idea!" Uranus turned back to the Inners. "She likes it when I play with her boobies," she whispered.
There was a moment of silence, and then Mars said loudly, "Someone, please, cut to commercial break."
Mistress Nine, not looking very intimidating in the body of a little girl, turned to the Witches Five and said, "We have one Talisman. We know where the second is. And I believe I have an idea as to where the third might be."
"Where, Mistress?" Viluy said respectfully, bowing her head as Nine looked at her.
"If there is an Uranus and Neptune, there must be a Pluto as well," she surmised. "And I have the feeling that this Pluto must have the last Talisman."
"Mistress, with all due respect, I thought that Pluto wasn't a planet any—" Kaolinite was interrupted by Nine's glare, and as she stared into Nine's purple eyes, she was suddenly disentigrated.
"I do not care that some lowly human scientists believe that it isn't a planet," she said to Kaolinite's ashes. "Saturn has already been spoken for, so it must be Pluto who has the last Talisman."
"But how are we going to—" Eudial was unable to get the last words out before she, too, was disentigrated.
"No one asks such disrespectful questions," Nine told the red-haired witch's ashes. "She will come to us in time."
She smiled, looking completely adorable, and whispered, "In time."
Pluto blinked, staring at the Door of Time.
"I feel a great disturbance in the timeline," she whispered, garnet eyes narrowed. "As if a thousand readers suddenly cried out in terror at a lame pop-cultural reference made for cheap laughs and were suddenly silenced."
She turned away from the Door, peering out into the mist. "I feat something terrible has happened. I must investigate this."
With a small pop, she disappeared.
The Door was silent for a moment until it opened, revealing a small pink-haired child.
"Puu, I'm heeere!" she yelled.
There was a minute of silence.
"Puu?"
"So, er, Neptune, are you sure you're feeling all right after taking such a nasty fall?" Mercury said, concerned about her colleague's health.
"I'm FINE," Neptune snapped. "This is, what, the twelfth time you've asked me this?"
"No, the tenth," the Senshi of Water mumbled. "Anyway, I apologize, but I'm simply concerned."
"Scan me with that computer you have or something," Neptune growled. "I'm sorry for being so grumpy, but someone! chose! to! jump! on! me!" She looked at Uranus, who was busy dancing like a maniac. She glanced at Moon. "Sailor Moon, we should get going. We need to get the Space Sword back."
"Yes! You're right!" Moon said cheerfully. "Let's go, minna!"
Before they could move, the door nearby burst open, and the Witches Four marched into the room, followed by a little girl.
"Aww!" Moon's squeal broke the brief silence. "You're so cuuute!" She ran over to the little girl, picking her up and hugging her.
"No! I demand that you put me down!" Nine screamed, pushing the Senshi of the Moon away. "Put me down now, mortal, or you will suffer the consequences!"
"Okay!" Moon chirped, gently placing Nine back down. Nine hissed at her, smoothing down her dress.
"Sailor Neptune," she said, "we have come to take your Talisman! Normally, we would let you live in a Daimon body, but since Germatoid is dead and we have no plans, prototypes, or backups, we are unable to do that! So we'll simply take your Pure Heart!"
"No! You can't do that!" Moon stepped in front of Neptune. "I won't let you! But everyone's deserving of forgiveness! I forgive you for the fact that you're about to kill one of my good friends!"
"She won't do that. Not while I'm alive."
Everyone turned to face the newcomer.
"Sailor Pluto!" Moon shouted, running over to her and leaving Neptune vulnerable. "It's good to see you!"
"I have the third Talisman!" Pluto raised her key up in the air.
Nine smirked as Tellu handed her a twenty.
"And I can get your Talisman out without you having to die, Neptune!" She pointed her giant key at Neptune's heart, and the Aqua Mirror popped out.
Neptune stared at the woman. "How the hell did you do that?" she asked. "I was told, by you, that I would have to kill someone to get a Talisman, and here you just come along and MAKE IT POP OUT?"
"Saying otherwise would have been taboo," Pluto said, quickly thinking of an excuse. "Anyway, let's make everyone normal again."
She pointed her giant key at Nine, whose dress ripped open as the Space Sword flew out of it.
"Eww," the Inners said simultaneously, averting their eyes.
And the three Talismans, now revealed, aligned to form a triangle, and Haruka and Michiru and Setsuna all stepped forward.
They took hold of the Talismans, and then there was a bright light.
Next time! On Red Wine!
It gets worse! Pharaoh Ninety is descending from the sky! Haruka may or may not have succeeded in getting cured! Pluto gets called Sailor 134340! Michiru gets fed up! The author reveals that this story was originally supposed to be a one-shot! And Sailor Moon-tachi succeed in doing nothing!
Red Wine!
The light of the moon is love's message.
WindChaser0001: Sailor Moon always defeats the Daimons with one attack. One single attack. It sort of annoys me that all of the others look so weak in comparison. So I went and demonstrated what it would look like if Michiru did that.
Petiyaka: Yes, I'm so excited! I love English!
Mantaray: That's what I imagined when creating it. I mean, I almost gave it manparts, but then I figured that, well, since all of the Daimons look like women...
Imjce: I am a Grammar Nazi and I am proud of it.