Charlie Horse

by CHOOSELIFE

Second story in the Charlie series. This story picks up five months after Drake's family returns home from vacation. Just when Drake thought his life was perfect, everything goes to shit. His addiction spirals out of control and is worse than ever. His secret's out. His family knows. Can he clean his act up? Will his family ever forgive him? Will he ever forgive himself?

11. Better Off Dead

Martin flipped on his blinker, then turned the steering wheel. "I'm gonna watch you to make sure you go inside. You're gonna stay with her tonight and spend Christmas with her tomorrow."

"Whatever," Drake mumbled. His arms were wrapped around his chest in a stand-off way. It was as if it disconnected him from the rest of the world and protected him from the evil ways of his father.

Unfortunately, it did not. Martin snatched a handful of his hair, then yanked him closer.

"Ah!"

"You're already starting to get mouthy with me again?"

"I'm not."

The man roughly shoved his head away. "That's what I fucking thought, you little bitch."

Again, Drake wrapped his arms around his torso to shield himself from the world. Martin slowed down the truck and pulled onto the grass. Fearful of what his father would do now, the young man pushed himself up against the passenger's side door and avoided making eye contact by hanging his head.

Martin looked through the trees and saw the front door of his ex wife's house. "Get out. I'm gonna watch from here to make sure you go in. I'm gonna call her tomorrow, and if she tells me that you didn't stay-" He turned and faced his son. "Well, you know what'll happen."

Drake tugged on the handle and pushed his door open. He started to slide out, but his father grabbed his arm.

"Hey, if I hear that you've upset her in anyway, I will fucking kill you. Got that?"

The young man held his glare for a moment, then he yanked his arm out of Martin's grip and slammed the door closed when he was away from him. He went around towards the front of the truck so that he could hop up onto the sidewalk, but as he was doing that, Martin pressed on the gas to express his anger about his son daring to ignore him. The sudden movement scared Drake and, out of fear, he fell onto his ass. His eyes widened when the engine revved louder before moving even closer in one swift motion. As some sort of useless protection, the young man lifted his legs and firmly planted his feet against the bumper, but that did nothing to aid him when the truck inched forwards, forcing his knees to fold up towards his head. Drake pushed himself back with his elbows. He could feel his skin stinging and tearing against the concrete, but his attention quickly moved back to the vehicle pushing onwards even more. Drake banged one of his heels against the bumper to tell his father to stop, but he wasn't even sure Martin heard him over the threatening sound that was coming from the engine. Maybe he did because it wasn't long after that the man turned off his truck.

The boy pushed himself to his feet and held up his arms with fury, but because his breathing was off and he was jumpy, it was obvious that this had done its job of giving him a good scare. He was clearly shaken by the ordeal. "THE FUCK?!" He banged his fists against the truck. He knew that he didn't have the strength to actually do any damage, but it felt good to reciprocate in some way.

Of course, Martin was angered by this, so once the driver's side door opened with a squeak, Drake bolted towards his mom's.

"You better run, you pussy!" Martin yelled after him.

Drake saw that his father wasn't chasing after him, so he slowed his pace when he was a good distance away. He walked down the sidewalk, then turned and crossed the grass. His old home was decorated with blue Christmas lights. His mother loved the blue ones because they looked like icicles dangling from the rooftop. He couldn't remember the last time he had actually celebrated a holiday. One thing the drugs had taken from him was his enthusiasm for holidays. When he was younger, he absolutely loved helping decorate the house and putting up the Christmas tree. Now it was like it wasn't even Christmas at all. He was living in his own little world where he couldn't remember what day it was, and when he saw the decorations around the city, he still didn't give a shit. They didn't spark any sort of Christmas spirit within him. He was just indifferent. He was dead inside.

Drake stepped up onto the porch. He started to grab the doorknob, but then he stopped and curled up his fingers to knock instead. Which was more appropriate for the situation? Would it hurt Mom's feelings if I knocked as if I didn't belong here? But is it rude if I just barge in like I never left? After quickly mulling over which would be less awkward, Drake reached for the knob again, turned it, then pushed open the door.

The first thing he noticed was the aroma wafting from the kitchen. It smelled amazing. Drake's mouth was already watering, and his stomach growled. When was the last time he'd eaten again?

He could hear chattering and laughter coming from the living room. He pushed the door closed behind himself, then took a hesitant step forwards. "Mom?" he said a lot quieter than he meant to.

Now that he'd entered without knocking, he felt like it was impolite to go any further into the house without being invited. However, he couldn't stand here all fucking day. Drake took a couple more steps until he stood in the doorway of the kitchen, and that's when he saw her. Audrey was leaning over the island, her back to him as she reached for a glass of water. She wiped her forehead, sweating from the heat the oven caused by being on all day, then she tilted the glass over her mouth. She was so beautiful, and Drake felt bad about all the shit that he had put her through. Even from where he was standing, he could see several gray hairs atop her head that hadn't been there before. He wanted her to be happy. He thought the world of her. He wished that it was possible for her to forget about him somehow so that she didn't have to worry so much. Drake was only chaos, and she deserved better.

"Mom?" he said, and somehow, it was quieter than the first time.

Audrey froze for a moment. Was that...? No, it couldn't be. It was probably just her mind playing tricks on her. It wouldn't be the first time. But just in case, she turned around, and standing before her was her son. She wasn't sure how long she had stood there with shock on her face, but the sudden sound of shattering glass from the cup that she'd dropped pulled her out of her trance. Drake winced at the noise. Feeling as though he could've gone about announcing his arrival in a better way, he apologized and squatted down to pick up some of the larger glass shards that were laying amongst the water. However, his mother stopped him.

"Oh my God! Drake! I can't believe you're here!" She wrapped her arms around him so tightly that he couldn't breathe. Maybe if she held on tight enough, he wouldn't abandon her again.

Drake returned the hug. He rested his chin on her shoulder, then squeezed her tighter when he felt her body jerking as she cried happy tears. Because of all the commotion, the other family members came barging through the kitchen door. They stopped in their tracks when they saw Drake.

He knew he was a mess. Each time they see him, he always somehow has managed to lose even more weight than before, and this was still true now. He looked like a skeleton - like any day now he would just disappear. He looked sick and unhealthy. He had a couple wounds on his face from when Martin had kicked him in the mouth and slammed his face against the headboard of his bed. His lips were still scabbed over, his eye was still slightly swollen, and his temple still sported a gigantic bruise.

"I'm sorry," Drake said quietly. "I would've called first, but I broke my phone." He didn't know what to say to make the situation less awkward. "I would've come by sooner. I just..." He had nothing that passed for a reasonable excuse.

"It's okay," Audrey said, pulling away. She put her hands on his sunken cheeks and looked at him with watery eyes. "At least you're here now."

"Is it...is it okay if I stay the night?"

"Of course! You don't even have to ask. This will always be your home."

Walter stepped forwards. He placed his hand on Drake's shoulder, silently asking Audrey for permission to pull him away for a moment. When she let go, he wrapped his arms around the young man and patted his back. Drake bit his lip as the burns on his skin screamed with protest.

"I'm glad you're here," the man said, then he let go.

Drake met Mindy's eyes, and she gave him a reassuring nod to let him know that she was proud of him for coming.

"Are you staying for good?" Megan asked.

Drake hesitated, but he decided to be honest. Expressing his remorse, he said, "No, I'm just gonna be here today and tomorrow."

"Why don't we all have a seat in the living room," Audrey suggested. "We can all catch up."

"Actually, I'm gonna run to the bathroom."

Drake separated himself from the crowd and went upstairs. However, he passed by the bathroom door and went into his old bedroom. He turned to make sure he wasn't being followed, then he crossed the room and climbed up onto what used to be his loft. Kenzly had been right. His bed looked like it hadn't been slept in since he was last here. His eyes moved to the stack of CD cases that were next to his vinyl records. He picked the one second up from the bottom, glanced over his shoulder again, then unzipped it. Inside was a Violent Femmes CD that he had borrowed from Kenzly and failed to return. He flipped to the back of the case, and that's where he found what he was looking for: several unopened packages of his favorite cough medicine.

He really wanted to take them now - it would really help to ease the tension - but he knew that he was going to eat a big meal, and he didn't like to eat after taking the pills. Whether it was a fact or not, he felt like the food soaked up the drugs in his stomach and made the high less intense. It could all just be in his mind. Either way, he was going to throw up a bunch of food. It looked like there was enough here for him to take thirty-two pills now and thirty-two pills after dinner. That way, if he came down, he'd still be able to go back up. Drake grabbed four of the packages and slipped them inside of his wallet. He zipped his CD case back up and hid it in plain sight like it had been, then he turned and hopped off the bed.

"Jesus Christ! Megan! You scared the hell out of me!"

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Nothing." But he felt like he should give her a better excuse. "I just wanted to see if it looked the same," he said. "If everything was still in place."

It was for the most part. The only thing that had changed was the stuff that belonged to Mindy. Also, it was a lot tidier now that there was a woman around.

Drake led his sister out of the room, walked down the hallway, then stopped at the bathroom door. "I'll be downstairs in a minute." He pushed open the door, then closed it behind himself.

Once inside, the young man turned towards the mirror. He rested his hands on either side of the sink, then gazed at his reflection. It was crazy how much his appearance had changed in the last few months. He used to have girls all over him. Now all he had were pimples and oily skin and bags. Even his bags had bags. The circles around his eyes were so dark that it looked like he was wearing make-up. God, what a mess everything was.

His eyes watered over. Drake hated looking at himself now. It wasn't the malnutrition or the bruises, although those did add to his feelings of powerlessness. It was his eyes. Even he could see just how dead they looked; he knew his family did as well. When he looked into them, he felt weak. Drake hung his head to avoid them, then he turned on the faucet and splashed water onto his face in hopes that it would mask his glazed eyes. After that, he quickly ripped open the packages of Triple C's and swallowed them down in groups of eight, giving himself at least two minutes in between each group to make sure that he wouldn't vomit.

When he got them all down and he was convinced that he wouldn't throw up, he turned and lifted the back of his shirt gently. "Oh, boy." His back was fucked. It looked really bad. He started to worry about infection and just the overall pain in general. He has to do something about this.

Drake opened the bathroom door and stepped into the hallway. He turned and quietly descended the stairs.

"He looks like he's starving," Josh whispered, sitting in the living room with the rest of his family. "I wouldn't be surprised if this will be his first meal in a week."

"I just think it's important that we all don't make him feel like we're staring at him," Walter said. "We just need to be supportive."

"And let's not push the rehab thing," Audrey suggested.

Walter disagreed. "But he definitely needs it."

"I think that just pushes him away. We need to get him to trust us again before we throw that at him."

Mindy stayed silent throughout the planning process. She had ideas. She did know Druggie Drake more than the others after all. But "He needs to make the choice to get clean on his own" isn't what this family wanted to hear right now, and they had done so much for her. She didn't want to take away their hope.

"There you go coddling him again," Walter said.

Audrey's eyes went wide. "Excuse me?!"

This was the fourth argument between the couple during this week alone. Mindy wasn't sure how much longer they would make it if things kept going like this.

She leaned over and whispered to Josh. "I'm gonna go check on the food." She stood after he gave her a nod, then she went into the kitchen.

Now was Drake's chance. He peeked around the corner, careful to remain hidden from the people in the living room. Mindy noticed him immediately. She gave him a look of confusion, and he responded by tilting his head towards the staircase, then disappearing behind the wall in the direction that he'd gestured towards. Curiously, Mindy followed, sneaking her way towards the stairs without being seen. Drake led her into the upstairs bathroom, then closed the door behind them.

"Are you kidding me?"

Drake turned and looked at her, then followed her eyes to the sink, where he saw his empty cough medicine packages. How could he have forgotten to toss them? He grabbed them quickly and stuffed them into his back pockets as if she hadn't seen them.

However, she had. "You're really doing this today? Here?!"

"Look, I just needed something to take the edge off, okay?" Drake tried to reason with her. "You can understand that, right?" he said, subtly tossing her own former drug problem in her face.

Mindy shook her head at his words, but she wasn't really surprised. There was nothing he could say that would surprise her anymore.

"What is this about?" she questioned.

"You know a little bit about first aid, right? I mean, you're dad's a doctor and all."

"I guess I know a little. Why?"

"I just have this little thing that might be kinda serious. I'm not really sure."

"Show me."

Drake pulled off his shirt, slowly as not to irritate his burns. Mindy watched as his shirt was lifted over his stomach. She could almost see every single rib sticking out of his skin, and she was sure his skin was pulled so tightly around them that one would penetrate right through it. Where his rib cage ended, his stomach curved inwards ever so slightly, and just seeing it gave her an uneasy, sickening feeling in her gut. There were several bruises on his abdomen, but she didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable, so she said nothing about her concerns. After his shirt was off, he turned around, showing her his bare back.

"Jesus Christ, Drake! What the hell happened?!"

"Nothing," the young man said. "I fell against a heater. That's all."

She knew that he was lying, and Drake knew that she knew that he was lying, but they both left it at that.

"You need to go to the hospital," she said.

"No, no hospital," he said over his shoulder. "Just...how do I fix it?"

"This is serious. You need to have this looked at."

"Look, I can't, okay? Please, just do what you can here, and don't say anything about it to anyone."

Mindy called him out on his lie. "If you got it falling against a heater, why does it matter if anyone finds out?"

"I just don't want my mom to worry."

"Does this have to do with you selling drugs? Did you get into some trouble?"

Drake quieted his voice for fear that someone was listening outside the door. "No. It was an accident, okay?" He turned to face her again.

"Why are you lying?" Mindy asked. "I mean, when we started hanging out, I always noticed that you were covered in bruises all the time. You can't blame it on the rough guys in your dad's neighborhood now that you're staying somewhere else. And you know what? I'm starting to think that those bullies never existed in the first place."

Drake had known that she would be concerned about his newest wounds, but he hadn't expected this interrogation. He had to come up with something fast. He had to keep any attention away from his father and divert it towards someone else before she figured everything out. He had to put the blame on someone else. "I wasn't lying about the guys in my dad's neighborhood. But after summer was over and I came back home, Meelah and I started making these plans and we borrowed a shitload of cash. Now Meelah's gone, the money's gone, and I am in a lot of shit, Mindy. I'm in a lot of shit."

"So what, you're selling drugs now to pay this guy off?"

"I have no choice."

"You always have a choice," she argued.

Drake turned again and gave her another glimpse at his back, pointing at it this time as best as he could. "Do you think this looks like I can just bail on him?" He faced her again. "He has threatened to kill me, Mindy. He almost cut off my toe and threw me off the rooftop of some building just to make a point. He's not someone I can just fuck with. This is serious shit I'm in."

"This is fucking insane, Drake." But she was no longer disagreeing. "How did this happen?"

"Meelah and I borrowed some money, and he was totally cool about it because he grew up with her. But now she's gone and all he has is me, and he couldn't give two shits about my life." Drake sat down on the edge of the tub and looked up at her, his eyes filled with shame. "I'm in a really fucked up situation, and I regret ever making a deal with this guy, but if I don't pay him off, I will be fucking dead. And I'm not saying that figuratively. I will actually be in a coffin in the ground dead. I mean, Jesus, ever since Meelah left me, I've just wanted to die, but I don't wanna go out according to his terms because he's not gonna make it fast and be done with it. Just fucking look what he did to my back when I made the littlest mistake. I am so scared."

Mindy could see his "sincerity." Just talking about it had his fingers shaking. To cover it, he ran his hand through his hair and looked down at the floor.

"And this will absolutely destroy my mom. She can't know about this. That's why I've stayed away. You know? It's like...like maybe if I stop coming around, she'll forget about me, and when this guy kills me, it won't hurt her as much."

"You know she will never forget about you," Mindy said, actually showing him sympathy. "Ever."

"I know. I'm just... I worry about her. Like, she's taking fucking Xanax?! And she's on the verge of a divorce. I didn't mean to mess up so much stuff when this all started. Charlie just seemed so innocent at first." Drake hid his face in his hands. "How did I get here? How did all this happen?"

Mindy watched him. She heard him sniffle and noticed that he was trying to keep himself from crying. She sighed, then sat down next to him and placed her arm onto his shoulder for comfort. Embarrassed, Drake turned his head towards the opposite direction and sniffled again, but Mindy wouldn't let him suffer alone. She pulled him back towards herself and wrapped her arms around him, surprised when Drake returned the hug without hesitation.

It felt good to hold her again. He nestled his head in the crook of her neck and could smell the familiar scent of her perfume. It was almost like being back home. It felt like this was where he was meant to be.

"I fucking miss you so much." His voice was filled with melancholy. He moved his head so that his forehead rested against hers. He lifted his hands and touched her cheek, gently sliding his thumb across her smooth skin and reminiscing about all of the good times they shared together.

Before he knew was he was doing, he leaned forwards and pushed his lips against hers, and for a moment, things didn't feel so terrible anymore. But only for a moment, for she pulled away the second her shock wore off.

"What are you doing?"

"I..." His face went red hot with embarrassment. He immediately stood. "I'm sorry." He grabbed his shirt and was about to put it over his head.

"Why would you do that?"

"I'm sorry," he apologized again. "It didn't mean anything."

Mindy could tell by his sudden change in behavior that he was lying. On the contrary, it had meant everything.

"So what, now that I'm over you, you decide you're in love with me?" she said. "But back when we were together, you did nothing but lie to me and use me?"

"I'm not trying to take you away from Josh, but Mindy, I did - I do - love you, and I'm so happy that he is stepping up in my place to help raise that kid. You deserve the world, and I treated you like shit. Love is just not that simple, but I do love you."

"You didn't love me, Drake. You loved the idea of not being alone. You loved the fantasy of being with someone who loved Charlie as much as you did. You loved having someone around who understood you and looked up to you. It was all about you. You only love yourself."

"I..." He wanted to protest, but he didn't know how. What was he supposed to say to that? When he was around her, it felt a lot like love. He was sure of it. Drake finished putting on his shirt by slipping his arms through the sleeve holes and gently sliding it down his torso. "I'm sorry I was always such a prick to you."

She stopped him when she saw him reach for the doorknob. "Wait. Don't leave." She stood, then opened the medicine cabinet above the sink. "At least let me take another look at your back and see what I can do."

Hesitantly, Drake stepped away from the door. He sat on the edge of the tub once more and removed his shirt yet again. He watched as she rifled through the cabinet. "Do you think it'll be okay? Like, I know it's bad. But I can't afford not to sell for that guy this weekend, and if I end up in the hospital for several days, I'll be in worse shape after I leave than when I went in."

"I think he should understand if you had to go to the hospital."

"He won't. He doesn't give a shit. This already happened once before."

Mindy closed the cabinet and moved towards him. She held some sort of cream and gauze. "This is gonna suck," she said, turning on the shower, "but I need to make sure it's clean before I wrap it."

Drake turned so that she had better access to his back. She grabbed a washcloth and some soap, then hesitantly started dabbing at his skin.

"Ah! Fuck!"

She immediately stopped. "Are you okay?"

"I'm okay," he said, gripping the edge of the tub so tightly that his knuckles were white. "I'm okay."

"I'll try to be as fast as I can."

Drake hung his head and squeezed his eyes closed. His cheeks were full of air that he slowly blew out of his mouth. Occasional noises would leave his lips, for the rag felt rough rubbing against his sensitive skin.

When she was finally done, he took in a breath of air. "While you have the gauze out, can you wrap my leg and give my back a break for a minute?"

"What's wrong with your leg?" She cleaned the washcloth off under the running water.

"It's a long story."

"Which leg is it?" When Drake pointed it out, she said, "Alright, roll up the pant leg for me."

"Uh, it's actually on my thigh. I'm gonna have to take my pants off if you're comfortable with that."

She nodded her okay, so he stood up and slipped off his shoes. At the same time, he unbuckled his belt, then unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans. Next, Drake pushed them down his legs and kicked them to the side. Mindy's eyes immediately moved to the make-shift wrap Drake has made from what looked like some girl's shirt. She could only tell this by the side that wasn't covered in blood.

"Jesus, Drake, what happened?" She got onto her knees in front of him to examine it closer.

"Does it look infected?" he asked with fear.

"I've gotta get this thing off first so I can actually see the wound."

Unbeknownst to the two in the bathroom, Josh was making his way down the hall in search of his girlfriend who had mysteriously disappeared. When he reached the bathroom, he slowed down, for he could clearly hear Drake inside moaning and groaning.

His brother's words were slightly muffled through the wooden door. "Oh, God! Oh, shit! Oh, fuck!"

And then he heard Mindy's voice coming from the same room.

"You're doing great. Keep doing that. I'm almost finished. Just keep it up."

Josh's eyes went wide with shock. I'm almost finished?! Just keep it up?! Are they having sex?! Without thinking, the young man turned the doorknob and barge into the bathroom. His jaw dropped at the sight before him. As far as he could tell, Drake was naked, and Mindy was on her knees in front of the standing boy, her head at crotch-level. Drake's eyes were squeezed closed tightly, and his face was pointed towards the ceiling. Again, he let go of a groan.

"Aw, Jesus Christ!"

"What is going on in here?!" Josh exclaimed, earning a surprised look from his step-brother and girlfriend.

"Josh!" Drake exclaimed, jumping out of his skin. "You fucking scared the hell out of me! Jesus!"

Mindy turned and looked at him then, and when she did this, Josh was now able to see that his brother was, in fact, wearing boxers, and Mindy was instead tending to a large cut on his thigh.

"What is going on?" Josh asked again.

"Mindy was just helping me," Drake said. "I got burned pretty badly. And I have this cut on my leg."

"And you thought it was a smart idea to ask Mindy to fix you up while you stand there half-naked? After everything that happened last summer?"

"I..." Drake looked to the girl for guidance, but she was just as clueless. "Sorry, I wasn't thinking," he said.

"I'm not saying I don't ever wanna see you two speaking to each other. I mean, you kinda have to with the baby and all. But I just think this was a little too much. You know, taking into account the history you two share. Mindy's my girlfriend, Drake." He wasn't rude, but he was firm.

"Right. Of course." Drake shook his head as if to express that he hadn't been thinking clearly. "You're right. I should've asked for your help instead. I didn't mean to overstep my boundaries."

"No harm done," Josh said, now moving on to the concern he had for his brother. "So what happened to your leg?"

"I just had a bit of an accident." Drake shrugged it off. "I don't want Mom to know. I don't want her to overreact," he said, motioning for him to close the door.

"Mindy, you wanna go see if they need any help in the kitchen?" Josh said.

"Sure." She passed the gauze and ointment to boyfriend, and as she walked by, she gave him a quick peck on the lips, then disappeared out the door.

Drake was bothered by their kiss, but he pretended that it didn't affect him. He apologized again. "I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to-"

"It's okay," Josh said. "I don't mean to be so possessive over her. It's just...well, it's gonna take a while for you to gain my trust back to be honest."

"I understand. Take as long as you need. I'm just glad you don't hate me anymore."

"Well, you're my brother. And I did hate you for a while there, but I never meant to shut you out and make you feel so alone that you would..." He couldn't even get himself to say the words.

"I won't try to kill myself again," Drake vowed. At least he was able to offer a little bit of comfort to the family that he put through hell. "It was a mistake."

Although he wanted to die, even still, he couldn't handle knowing what it would do to everyone else. They had all been absolutely heartbroken when it had happened. Audrey had cried for weeks. Walter had yelled at him for almost an hour, then he'd broken down and sobbed while squeezing his step-son tightly and apologizing over and over. Megan never left her room and fell into a bit of a depression herself. Josh and Drake weren't quick to mend their relationship, but this is the moment that it'd started to get better.

"I'm glad to hear that," Josh said. "I know things have been hard on you."

Drake shook his head. "We don't have to talk about that." He didn't want to think about Meelah or else he would start crying.

"Well, let me finish what Mindy started." Josh shut the door like Drake had asked him to do earlier.

"I think she's done with my leg. She was just gonna put something on my back."

The young man nodded, then moved closer to his brother, who turned around. "Oh, my God! What happened?!"

"I fell against a heater. Please, don't tell Mom."

"This looks really bad."

"I know," Drake said. "Mindy thinks it'll be okay, though."

"How on earth did you fall against a heater?" Josh twisted the cap off of the tube of ointment.

Drake decided to go for something believable since his brother wasn't skeptical. "I was high," he said with mock shame. "And I tripped."

"Jesus!" Josh squirted some of the cream onto two of his fingertips. "Okay, this might sting a little."

Drake hissed the second his burns were touched. "Son of a bitch!" he whispered.

"Sorry," Josh said, truly feeling guilty.

---

Drake stepped into the kitchen, fixing his shirt as he did so. He was thankful that he could move better now that a gauze was covering his burns. It still hurt like hell, but he could deal with it now that the blisters weren't rubbing against the cloth of his tee.

"Need any help?" he asked his mother in a soft voice.

"Oh, no, sweetie. I've got this. You just relax and enjoy spending time with everyone."

Instead of joining the group that was chatting away in the living room, Drake hopped onto the counter next to where his mother was spreading icing atop a cake. He was so hungry, and when his stomach growled, he could no longer hide his desperation. "How long until it's all done?"

"Not long."

She smacked Drake's hand when he scooped some icing up with his finger, then she met his eyes and smiled. He was smiling, too, as he put his finger in his mouth.

"Now I remember why I always had to hide your birthday cake from you," Audrey said.

"Well, you know me. Cake is my favorite food group."

"You should've seen Megan's birthday cake. It was huge. It was hot pink with zebra stripes."

"Jesus, I'm sorry I missed it." Drake watched as Audrey crushed up several Oreo cookies in her hands, then sprinkled the crumbs over the cream cheese icing. "I hope I didn't ruin her birthday too much."

Audrey wasn't sure how to respond. Of course he'd ruined it. He'd overdosed and ended up in the hospital. No one was really in a celebratory mood after that. However, she was just happy that he was still alive.

Drake picked up on her silence and looked down at his lap. He had no idea how to talk to her anymore - not after everything that he'd put her through. The only thing fitting was an apology, but he wasn't going to say sorry because what's the point if he had no intention to change?

Ding dong!

Audrey's brows furrowed. She wiped her hands off on a washcloth. "I wonder who that could be." She then exited the kitchen and went towards the front door, but her husband had already beat her to it.

"Martin!" Walter said. "It's good to see you!"

Drake's eyes went wide and he turned his head towards the kitchen doorway so that he could hear better. What the fuck is Dad doing here?!

"I ran into him at Walmart this morning," the man explained to his wife, who was just as shocked as Drake. "And Megan thought it would be a good idea for everyone to spend Christmas Eve together, so I invited him over for dinner."

"And I'm just now hearing about this?" It was obvious that she wasn't too keen about this, but she wasn't being rude.

"I declined at first," Martin said. "I didn't want to impose, but your husband insisted."

"Dad!" Megan said, running towards him. She grabbed him and pulled him into a tight embrace.

"Hey, kiddo."

"You're spending Christmas Eve with us this year?"

Martin looked up at Audrey, just as eager for an answer as Megan was. She didn't want to be the bad guy. She didn't want to send him out the door, especially not now that her daughter was so excited to see him, so she nodded her head, too speechless to respond any other way. Megan cheered, then grabbed her dad's hand and dragged him into the living room.

"What the hell?!" Audrey sharply whispered to her husband.

"What? I thought it would be a good idea."

"To invite my ex husband to dinner?!"

"You two have been getting along a lot better now. I mean, at least you're civil with each other. After everything that's been going on, I thought that this would really bring Megan out of the slump she's been in."

Audrey shook her head with disbelief, then entered the kitchen with Walter in tow.

"Audrey, come on."

Drake averted his eyes when his mother looked at him. He knew what she was thinking. She was thinking about the affair...how he felt now that they were together under one roof...whether or not he would let the truth spill. Uncomfortable with everything that was going on, Drake slid off of the counter with the intent to find a place where he could be alone for a while. Instead, the nausea caused by the thirty-two pills that were inside of him was overwhelming. He was just barely able to lean over the trash can in time as vomit spewed from his lips.

"Oh my God!" Audrey moved towards him with the washcloth in her hand. "Are you alright?!"

Drake clutched his empty stomach, then sniffled, for snot had started dripping from his nose. The commotion had caused the group from the living room to migrate towards the noise. They found Drake hanging his head over the garbage can with saliva trailing from his lips. The young man remained there for a moment, for he was unsure whether or not another round would come up.

Audrey wiped his mouth off, concerned about what had just happened. "Are you sick?" she asked, looking into the trash can at what had just come out of her son. "Is that blood?" Her face was immediately filled with worry, but then her eyes met Mindy's, and the young woman shook her head to let her know that, on the contrary, Drake was feeling just fine at the moment.

The boy cleared his throat and straightened. Despite the fact that every single person in the room now knew why he had puked, he still went with a lie. "I ate some bad Chinese earlier."

Uncomfortable with the way he was being looked at, Drake excused himself and left the kitchen. He opened the back door, then sat down on the patio chair. The sky was dark. He liked it that way. He felt more hidden. His high was starting to hit. He could feel it. He felt restless and numb. He rubbed at his face, but he wasn't sure why. He couldn't get himself to stop moving. It was normal, though.

Drake heard the door open, so to hide the fact that he had come out here to get through the pre-high, he pulled out his pack of cigarettes and lit up.

"What the hell kind of stunt was that?!" It was just Martin. "You're pissed that I made you come, so you're trying to sabotage everything?"

"It wasn't a stunt."

"I specifically told you not to get high today."

"Well, I guess I'm just like you then, huh?"

"You're nothing like me."

"Are you telling me that you're not drunk right now?"

"I'm not. Haven't drank anything all day."

"Well, maybe you're a better man than me," Drake said, exhaling a breath of smoke.

"Don't be a jackass."

"You can't just throw me into a new situation and expect me to get through it without being high."

"New?! What the hell are you talking about? This isn't new. This is your home. This is your mother. This is where you spent your whole life before you started acting like a spoiled little bitch."

"You know what, Dad? I really don't need to hear another lecture right now, so you can just shove it up your ass."

Smack!

The young man turned his head with surprise. He gently touched his stinging cheek. He hadn't expected the man to do anything - not here anyways. That's why he'd dared to speak. He should've known better.

Martin was pissed, and it was obvious by the stiff finger he held in Drake's face and the way he clenched his teeth and spat out his words when he spoke. "Don't you forget who the fuck you're talking to." And with that, he disappeared inside, unaware that his daughter had been peeking through the blinds the entire time.

"Fuck's sake," Drake whispered to himself, his heart pounding out of his chest and his pride wounded.

"Drake?"

The young man looked over at his little sister, then quickly put his hand down to hide what had just taken place. "Yeah, what's up?" He put the cigarette to his lips, then inhaled.

"What was that about?"

"What?" He furrowed his brows innocently.

"Why did Dad hit you?"

Drake opened his mouth to make up some sort of lie about how she'd seen it wrong, but he couldn't come up with one that would make sense without being obvious about the fact that he was high. He sighed when she took a seat in the chair next to him. "I said something I shouldn't have."

"What did you say?"

"It doesn't matter."

"He still hits you a lot? Even though you're older?"

Drake had the ability to take revenge on Martin by turning his daughter against him and making her hate him forever, but he was mature enough to understand that that would affect Megan a lot more than it would Martin. "Well, I don't really see him a lot. Just like I don't see Mom a lot."

"I wish he was nicer to you," she said. "Sometimes I get so mad when I think about it."

Drake put his cigarette out and pulled her closer to him at the same time. "Don't do that. He loves you so much."

"But what about you?"

"He loves me," Drake assured. "I mean, we always butt heads and we may never really get along, but he still loves me."

"But remember when he said-"

"He says a lot of things that he doesn't mean when he's drunk. You know that."

"He doesn't look drunk today," Megan argued.

"Yeah, well, sometimes he says things that he doesn't mean when he's sober, too." Drake looked at her when she pulled out of his embrace. "We all do. It's just human nature to blow up when we get mad."

"Why is he mad at you?"

The young man hesitated then. He didn't want to lie to her - not while they were having a nice sibling moment that hardly ever happened - but maybe it's not appropriate to tell an twelve-year-old that you're on drugs. Did it really matter anymore, though? She already knew. Shit, everyone inside knew. It would probably hurt her feelings more at this point if he lied to her. "Because I showed up high. And he just wanted today to be perfect and stress-free for you and for Mom." Since Megan went silent after this, he added, "I never meant to ruin things. I wasn't going to come, but-"

"We want you here. We miss you."

Drake forced a smile, and at that moment, the backdoor opened and Audrey peeped her head out, already in denial about what had just taken place in the kitchen.

"The food's ready. Everyone's waiting for you two inside."

Drake stood, so his sister followed, then led him into the dining room. It was strange that he felt like he had to be guided around his own house as if he was a guest here. Mindy was helping Josh carry the last couple of dishes, and they placed them onto the table.

"That's it," Josh said to his step-mother.

Walter pulled out a chair at the end of the table, and Audrey nodded at him and sat down in it. He took a seat in the chair next to her. Everyone else followed. Josh and Mindy sat next to each other on one side, so Megan seated herself next to Walter, leaving Drake with the end seat opposite his mother. To make himself look good in front of his ex wife, Martin chose to pull his chair up in between Megan and Drake.

"Let's say the blessing," Audrey said, then she bowed her head and closed her eyes.

The others followed her directions. Drake was hesitant for a moment - funny, they had never said any blessings before - but he bowed his head and closed his eyes anyway. She prayed over the food and said that she was thankful that they were all able to be here. She mentioned Drake by name, which made him feel like there was a spotlight on him, but when everyone said "Amen," no one was looking at him - at least, not until Audrey spoke again.

"Drake, do you wanna try this corn casserole Mindy made for us this year?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Everyone loves it. I've actually been making it every Friday since I moved in."

The young man gave her a fake smile as he took the offered bowl and scooped some onto his plate. Everyone passed around the dishes, piling their plates with yummy squash, ham, deviled eggs, cranberry sauce, yams, corn, green beans, and more. Once everything settled down, they all began eating.

"Mmm, Mindy, this casserole is delicious!" Martin said.

Drake nodded to be nice. It was great. He just wasn't in a social mood and didn't know what to say. It was only a matter of time before everyone's patience wore off and he was bombarded with questions. He dreaded this.

Mindy grinned and thanked them.

As an attempt to be subtle, Audrey asked Josh and Mindy about the long lines at the grocery store and asked Megan about her boyfriend, and then she started on Drake, just like expected.

"So where have you been staying?" she said with nonchalance.

"At a friend's," he answered shortly, looking down at his food.

"Is it someone I know?"

"No." Drake was taken by surprised when Martin discreetly kicked his shin, silently demanding that he be more polite. "No, ma'am."

"How long have you known him?"

"Um, a while." To divert the attention away from himself, he said, "Who made the mac and cheese? It's amazing."

"Me," Megan said proudly.

"You did awesome."

Audrey didn't let up on her interrogation. "How long?"

Drake scooped another spoonful of macaroni into his mouth so that he'd have longer to come up with a good response. "Hmm?"

"How long have you known your friend?"

Swallow. Still nothing. Gotta say something, though. "A couple years."

"A couple years?" It was obvious that she was skeptical. "And I've never heard about him?"

Drake didn't know what to say to that, but Walter didn't give him time to respond anyway.

"How did you get that bruise?"

He was referring to the one on his temple. It was still super dark in color, but the swelling was starting to go down, and he was able to open his eye normally again.

"I fell. No big deal."

"You fell?" He, too, seemed doubtful of him.

"Yes, sir."

"How?"

Drake cleared his throat uncomfortably, then gulped down the food that was inside of his mouth and wiped his lips off with a napkin. "Can I be excused? I have to go to the bathroom."

Without waiting for a response, he scooted his chair backwards, then stood and made his way upstairs. He made a quick detour towards his bedroom, grabbed what was left of his pills, then locked himself inside of the bathroom. Once there, he started ripping away at the packages fervently. He took four pills, then four more, then four more, then four more. Come on. Halfway there. Just one more box. He clutched his stomach and swallowed down the vomit that was sliding up his throat. He started in on the third plastic package, but immediately stopped when he heard a knock at the door.

"Drake, sweetie?" It was Audrey.

Had she heard him tearing open the packages? Had she heard his heavy breathing and him constantly spitting into the toilet as he stood over the bowl and drooled?

"We didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. We just worry, you know?" She had guilt in her voice. "Come back down and eat with us."

"Give me a second," he called innocently from the other side of the door. He listened for her footsteps, and when he was sure that she was gone, he continued opening his pills.

---

"There you are," Martin said when he saw his son come down the last step and turn the corner. "Did you get lost up there?"

Audrey whirled around at the mention of Drake, then motioned for him to sit down.

"Sorry, I had Taco Bell a little while ago and it's completely messing with my stomach," he said, too high to remember that he'd used Chinese food as his excuse for puking earlier.

No one called him out because they feared that he would just run away and take more pills again. They all knew what he had been doing in the bathroom. Now they were all too on edge to even ask how his day was without wondering if he would feel on the spot and need to go re-up.

When Drake sat down, it was clear to him that his father was pissed, but he was too high to give a shit right now.

When the others were distracted by Josh bringing up how he had convinced Helen to let him have the holidays off from work, Mindy whispered to Drake, "I tried to text you. You've been in the bathroom for thirty minutes." She knew how easy it was to lose track of time on Triple C's.

"Shit, have I? My phone's broken. It's completely shattered."

"What happened to your phone?" Audrey said, for Drake had been talking a lot louder than he'd thought.

"I dropped it."

"When?"

If he lied, he'd have an excuse as to why he never answered their phone calls. "A while ago." It was vague enough that it could make up for a lot of the times that he'd ignored them. Thank God that Charlie was there to get him through these tough questions.

---

Drake's head shot up and his eyes popped open when he felt both Martin and Mindy stomp on both of his feet at the same time. The pills had really hit harder than he'd expected - probably because he hadn't used in a while. Apparently he'd been nodding out over his barely-eaten plate of food. He could faintly recall a vague hallucination about looking for Charlie in the pregnancy test aisle of Walmart.

"Hmm?" Drake asked, his eyelids hanging low over his pupils.

"I said you've hardly touched your food," Audrey repeated.

"Oh, I'mnotthat hungry."

Jesus, even his words were slurring. He was like a train wreck, and Mindy couldn't look away. He seemed to do or say something every few minutes to further demonstrate just how high he was, and each time, Mindy felt her insides cringing up. She wanted to shake him until he was sober, but unfortunately, that wasn't actually a thing. If he was just going to do all this, why had he even bothered to show up?

"This is getting ridiculous," Walter said, finally outraged enough to speak up. "Drake, I think it's time that you leave."

"What?" Audrey turned to him. "He's not leaving."

"Look at him. He's so messed up that he keeps falling asleep at the dinner table. Any minute now, his face is gonna fall into his plate. Just you watch."

How many times had he disappeared into some Charlie hallucination? Was this not the first time that they had engaged him in a conversation to hide the fact that he was nodding off?

"Last time, I went with your decision and made him leave. Look what happened." She motioned towards her drug-addicted son.

"So what? You're gonna let him get high in your home? In front of Megan? You might as well just spoon-feed him the drugs yourself."

Uncomfortable with the argument he had started without meaning to, Drake slid his chair backwards. "I should go."

"That'd be best." Walter nodded.

Audrey held up her hand towards him and firmly said, "Sit," then she looked at her husband again. "So what if it was Josh? Are you telling me that you would just give up on him? You'd just kick him to the curb to fend for himself on the streets?"

"Don't do this," Drake begged guiltily, but neither were listening. "Please, don't do this."

"Well, that simply would not happen," Walter said, "because I raised my son well enough to know better than to touch that stuff."

"And I didn't?!" Audrey scoffed.

Martin spoke up, purposely stirring the pot. "Are you saying that she's a bad mother?" He stuck up for his ex wife because he loved her.

"Dad, stop," Drake tried.

"This is a conversation between Audrey and I," Walter said.

"Well, it involves my son, so now I'm included whether you like it or not."

Drake looked over at his sister, who had tears in her eyes that she was somehow able to keep from falling. The young man silently mouthed an apology to her. He felt awful for ruining everything. He hadn't meant for this to happen.

"Well, Drake probably learned what he knows from you," Walter said bitterly. "You're an alcoholic after all."

Those were fighting words. Drake knew the second he heard them that Martin was about to blow. To calm him down and remind him that his daughter was watching, he slipped his hand underneath the table and placed it on top of his father's knee. This helped Martin to compose his thoughts.

"You know what? I will be the first to admit that I've had an ongoing drinking problem for a while now, and because of that, I can relate to my son on a personal level. What he needs is love and support - not your constant hard ass always putting him down."

"I'm just doing what I feel is best."

"Yeah, well, he's not your son, so maybe you should fuck off."

The hurt on Walter's face was clear, and this had caught him off guard. When he finally opened his mouth, he said, "I think it's time for you to leave, and you can take your son with you."

"Guys, come on. It's Christmas Eve," Audrey said, now in tears. "Let's stop fighting and just act like a family for once. All I wanted was for everyone to be here together and have a good time."

Drake looked to Mindy for guidance. Mindy had the answers to everything, and she could tell him what would be best. She was like his babysitter, and whether she liked it or not, she was stuck with that position. Mindy nodded her head upwards, silently telling him to go upstairs. That was pretty smart. He was fucking off just enough to please Walter, but he wasn't completely leaving, so Audrey wouldn't get too upset. His absence would give everyone time to calm down.

Just as everyone was settling in an uncomfortable silence after the fight, Drake stood. "I'm gonna go upstairs and call it a night."

"Don't leave," his mother said.

"I'm really tired," he replied, leaving anyway. Before he did so, he gave her a quick peck on the cheek and thanked her for the meal.

He made his way upstairs and heard her say something passive-aggressively to her husband on his way. His vision was pretty blurry, so he was careful not to trip on the steps. He walked all the way to the end of the hall, then opened the door to his old room.

---

Losing a whole year
Losing a whole year
I remember you and me used to spend
The whole goddamned day in bed
Losing a whole year
Hiding in your room we'd lay like dogs
And the phone would ring like a joke that's left unsaid
Losing a whole year

Since Drake didn't have his journal with him, he was sitting on the floor in front of the computer desk and going through all of the drawers. He wasn't sure why he was always attracted to sitting on the floor when he was with Charlie. It just felt better somehow to be so small, even in something so tiny and enclosed as a bedroom. Everything towered over him: the desk, the couch, the dressers, the windows, the door knob - yet it was all still in his reach even though he was so short.

Rich daddy left you with a parachute
Your voice sounds like money and your face is cute
But your daddy left you with no love
You touch everything with a velvet glove and
Now you wanna try your life of sin
You wanna be down with the down and in
Always copping my truths
I kinda get the feeling like I'm being used
And now I realize that you never heard
One goddamned word I ever said
Losing a whole year
Losing a whole year

One of his favorite past times that he enjoyed doing when he wasn't journaling or watching a trippy movie was exploring. Even at his dad's, he would pull open the same drawers, and there would be nothing new in there, but it felt like he was finding something new or seeing something in a new way somehow. If he still got that feeling after all the Charlie trips he'd experienced at Martin's house, then plundering here would be even better, for things had probably changed since he'd last been here.

I took your stuff and put it in the basement
When I found out what the smile on you face meant
I seen you pop that check big
Craning your neck at the car wreck
And it always seems that the juice used to flow
In the car, in the kitchen you were good to go
Now we're stuck with the tube
A sink full of dishes and some aqua lube
And I remember you and me used to spend
The whole goddamned day in bed
Losing a whole year

Drake found a stapler in the second drawer that he'd looked through. He grabbed one of the sheets of paper that were next to him, then pressed the stapler against it. He wasn't stapling anything to it, nor was he bending the paper in any way. He was literally just wasting staples. At first, he thought that maybe he could make a picture out of the little metal pieces, but he couldn't get the stapler to reach the middle of the paper, so he gave up on that idea, then reached his hand inside of the drawer again and scooted things around. A bright yellow color attracted him, so he pulled out a hi-lighter next. He started scribbling on the paper, and halfway through, he decided that he actually wanted to draw something. He reached into the drawer again and picked up the pink hi-lighter. This one looked a lot better on the eyes when he drew with it. Charlie was really liking these neon colors.

"What...the hell is going on?" Mindy said quietly.

Drake turned and saw her approaching. Josh was over by the radio. He hadn't even noticed the boy turn it off. Drake's eyes moved to the mess around him. He was surrounded by an assortment of random items that had somehow attracted his attention and had meant something to him at some point during the last...how long had he been sitting here? He'd only made it through two drawers. Maybe an hour or so.

"I was just..." Drake collected everything back up and tossed it all back inside a drawer, including his 'artwork.' This is such a high thing to do. Very subtle, Drake. "...looking for a pencil," he finally managed.

Josh furrowed his brows skeptically, then reached over Drake's head and grabbed a pencil out of the cup that was on the desk. "We've always kept our pencils here, though. You knew that."

"Right." Drake pushed himself up, but he didn't take the pencil. He didn't even notice that his brother was holding it out to him. Instead, he went over to the stereo and turned it on again.

If it's not the defense then your on the attack
When you start talking I hear the Prozac
Convinced you found your place
With the pierced queer teens in cyberspace
When you were yourself there was tasting sweet
Sours into a routine deceit
Well this drama is a bore
And I don't wanna play no more
Why, why
Why, why
Losing a whole year
I remember you and me used to spend
The whole goddamned day in bed

Mindy couldn't shake the feeling that Drake heard the lyrics and thought of her in some way. To see if Josh felt the same way, she glanced over at her boyfriend, who noticed that Drake was wearing a pair of Mindy's PJ pants without even asking to borrow them.

Drake turned to them. "You wanna play MarioKart?"

"No." Josh's eyes narrowed. "We're going to sleep."

"Oh! Sorry." The young man turned the music back off. "I didn't realize how late it was." After looking at the clock, he was surprised that his high had felt this good for this long.

As Josh and Mindy crawled into bed together, Drake climbed the ladder to his loft and plopped down onto the mattress. He could hear the couple kiss goodnight and say their I love you's, and he felt himself being overcome with jealousy, but he kept quiet and wrapped himself up underneath the comforter.

---

Audrey quietly snuck down the stairs with a couple wrapped boxes in her hand. She wished that she would've gotten Walter to help her before he left to grab one last-minute gift. It was already one in the morning. Hopefully, her husband would have time to put together the trampoline they had gotten for Megan before everyone woke up. The kids always liked to get up at five at the latest. Josh would always set his clock and then proceed to wake the entire house up, even at the age of eighteen. He was always the first one up.

Audrey made her way across the living room, then she bent over in front of the Christmas tree and gently dropped the presents there. Once they were all here, she would make it look nice and neat even though the living room would be absolutely destroyed come tomorrow morning. Audrey straightened, and just as she turned to go back upstairs, she heard the soft strumming of a guitar. She moved her head towards the window and saw Drake sitting out back in one of the patio chairs. Why is he still up? He's supposed to be in bed asleep. The woman opened the backdoor, but she noticed that her son didn't hear because he was starting to sing.

All this talk of getting old
It's getting me down my love
Like a cat in a bag, waiting to drown
This time I'm comin' down

She frowned when she heard the sadness in his voice, but she kept quiet. She hadn't seen her son in over a month, and she worried about him. She never had any idea where he was, who he was with, what he was doing, or how he was feeling. She was never even sure if he was alive or not. Drake didn't seem too keen on opening up when he'd first gotten here, and by dinner time, it was just impossible, for he was nodding out every five seconds. Listening to him sing was the only way that she could have any sort of idea how he was feeling and what was going on in his life, so she closed the door behind her silently, but stayed where she was in case she had already caused too much noise.

And I hope you're thinking of me
As you lay down on your side
Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again

Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again

Audrey was absolutely heartbroken. She knew immediately that the song was directed towards Drake's deceased girlfriend Meelah. It was crushing that someone so young had to go through such a big loss. On top of that, she knew that her son blamed himself for it. Because of the drugs, Drake had brought a lot of things upon himself: getting kicked out, losing Josh's trust, not being allowed to drive anyone's vehicles, not being trusted with a loan when he needed cash. And those were just the things that Audrey knew about. But this wasn't one of them.

She'd figured it out. She knew that Meelah had been clean for a while, and when she'd gotten back with Drake, he, too, sobered up. Audrey could remember how proud she had been. Everyone had been so joyous back then. The house was always filled with laughter and smiles and jokes. Even Drake had seemed happy.

Therefore, it didn't exactly make sense that Meelah would just relapse out of nowhere. Or maybe it did. Drug addiction was a fickle thing that Audrey knew she would never fully be able to wrap her head around. What made the most sense was the possibility that Drake had pushed his girlfriend into using - pushed her into taking that inhale that had ultimately ended her life. That's why he blamed himself. That was her theory anyway.

But I know I'm on a losing streak
'Cause I passed down my old street
And if you wanna show, then just let me know
And I'll sing in your ear again

Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again

'Cause baby, ooh, if heaven calls, I'm coming, too
Just like you said, you leave my life, I'm better off dead

With those words, Audrey could just barely hear the young man's voice crack. She started crossing the grass and making her way over to her son. He still remained unaware and kept strumming away on his acoustic guitar.

All this talk of getting old
It's getting me down my love
Like a cat in a bag, waiting to drown
This time I'm comin' down

Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again

'Cause baby, ooh, if heaven calls, I'm coming, too
Just like you said, you leave my life, I'm better off dead

Audrey was standing next to him now. His eyes were closed, but he still had tears beginning to escape through his lashes. His voice cracked more often now, causing him to be flat or sharp. But he kept singing his heart out as if it didn't matter, so Audrey kept listening. She quietly took a seat in the chair next to him and watched.

But if you wanna show, just let me know
And I'll sing in your ear again
Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again

Yeah, I know I'll see your face again
Yeah, I know I'll see your face again
Yeah, I know I'll see your face again
Yeah, I know I'll see your face again

I'm never going down now, never coming down
No more, no more, no more, no more, no more
I'm never coming down now, never coming down
No more, no more, no more, no more, no more
I'm never coming down now, never coming down
No more, no more, no more, no...

It was then that Drake opened his eyes, and the first thing he saw was his mother. He immediately stopped singing, and his fingers ceased their movements. He cleared his throat, then wiped the water from his eyes and sniffled. He rested the largest side of the guitar on the grass and leaned the arm against his leg as if moving it would make it seem like he had never been playing in the first place.

Drake opened his mouth to tell her he hadn't heard her approach, but by his reaction, that was pretty fucking obvious, so he closed his mouth. He cleared his throat once more until he finally thought to ask, "How long have you been sitting there?"

Audrey shrugged off the question. "That was beautiful."

She didn't mean the lyrics. They were sad and depressing, and she didn't like her kids to listen to music like that. One moment, he would sing that the drugs weren't helping anything, which would make her hopeful, and then he'd counter it by saying he would never quit. But his voice, the way he'd sung it, the emotion - that was beautiful.

"Thanks," he said, humbly looking down. "I messed up a couple times. My wrist still doesn't move how it used to, but at least I can still play. The doctor had me believing that I wouldn't be able to play ever again after I broke it."

"It's been a long time since I've heard you play."

She felt uncomfortable when he lit up a cigarette, but she said nothing about it. She started wondering whether he's done that because she made him anxious. They sat in silence for a while, just staring up at the night sky. Audrey was just enjoying his company and didn't want to ask him anything that would chase him off, but her silence made Drake feel even more awkward than another interrogation would have, so he finally spoke.

"I'm really sorry," he said, "about earlier. I didn't mean to make a big scene-"

"It's okay."

"I was just gonna take a little. I don't know what happened. I was just so nervous."

"Why on earth would you be nervous to come home?"

"I don't know."

"You can talk to me," she said, putting her hand on his knee.

Drake looked at her hand, then he moved his eyes up to meet hers. "I see the way everyone looks at me. Sometimes it's with anger. Sometimes with guilt or hurt or just utter confusion and lack of understanding. I can handle those, you know. I'll get past it. But every now and then, I see this took of sympathy in Josh's or Walter's eyes. As if I'm someone to be pitied. And it's embarrassing, and it hurts, and being back here is so hard. But I'm not some lost puppy. I like the way I feel. I like being high. And I'm not looking to get clean anytime soon," he admitted.

Audrey tried to keep her tears back. Drake continued to speak, which relieved her because she had a lump in her throat and she didn't want to break down about this in front of him.

Drake placed his hand on top of his mother's. "And I know it's not fair for me to ask you guys to just accept it and let me back in and live with it. I would never ask you to do that. This is why I've distanced myself. You don't deserve this."

"But you're my son. I can't just let you go."

"I think...I think, in order for everyone to be happy, it would be best if you do."

"Do you even hear yourself right now? You're talking a bunch of nonsense."

"I've been thinking about it for a while, and now I finally found the courage to say it. You would be so much happier. You and Walter wouldn't have to argue all the time."

Audrey shook her head with disbelief. "Do you really love those pills more than you love your family? More than you love me?"

"You can't look at it like that. If I were to write down the name of everyone and everything I love, it's not about what's at the top of the list. What's important is that you're all on the same list."

"You sound like a jackass right now."

Drake gathered his thoughts and tried to regroup. "This is all coming out wrong. I'm just trying to say that I love you...so much. I love you more than anyone else in the entire world. And I'm so sorry that I've put you through so much shit. I just want you to be happy. You deserve only the best things in life."

Drake lifted his eyes and found that she was crying. He, too, had a stray tear on the bridge of his nose. This was the apology that she had always deserved - the one he had always held back because he was too stubborn or angry or prideful. And here it was - out of fucking nowhere, but it was better late than never.

"And I wish I could be that son who could give you the world, but we both know that I...I am..."

Audrey saw that he was trying to search his brain for the right word to insult himself, but she came up with one instead. "Perfectly imperfect."

Drake met her eyes.

"You're my son, and I love you no matter what."

The young man's weeping became heavier. "I just want you to be happy. You deserve the world."

"I don't want the world," Audrey said. "I just want you."

Drake's face contorted then, and he hung his head. Audrey saw drops of water fall into his lap as he sniffled.

"Why am I like this?"

"Maybe Walter was right earlier. Maybe my parenting-"

"No." Drake immediately put a stop to her words. "This has nothing to do with you. I promise. I was..." He needed a good excuse, but he couldn't blame his father. "I was sixteen. I should've said no. I just wanted to fit in."

"I think we've both made mistakes somewhere along the way."

"Sometimes, I wish I could go back," Drake said.

"You can always go back," Audrey said. "It's just not gonna be easy. But when you're ready, I'll be ready, too."

Drake met her tear-filled eyes with his own wet ones and forced a smile. God, she was the best. He wished that he could get himself to quit using just for her. He wanted to be the reason that she smiled, and if not, that was okay, too. He just wanted to stop being the reason that she shed so many tears. He wasn't worth all of that.

Audrey leaned forwards and pulled his head closer. She closed her eyes, then kissed his forehead for a good ten seconds. Drake didn't mind it, though. He missed her and her kind embraces. His father was only ever tossing him around and shoving him down and throwing punches left and right.

The woman pulled away, then pushed herself to her feet and checked her watch. "Are you going to sleep soon?"

"I don't know. I kinda thought I'd hang around out here for a while." To be honest, laying down just a few feet from the bed that Josh and Mindy shared was discomforting.

"I could use some help if you're up for it."

Drake stood. "Yeah, of course."

"Well, we got Megan a trampoline. Walter was going to put it together, but he had to run to the store really quickly, and Josh is gonna wake everyone up in a few hours."

"Yeah, I can do that."

"Really? That would help out a lot."

---

Audrey sipped on her cup of coffee. It was her second one, yet she was still exhausted. She'd spent all day cooking yesterday for the Christmas Eve dinner, and she was going to have to do it again once the sun came up. She had everything inside all ready for tomorrow. She walked over to the window and looked through the blinds at her son. The trampoline was put together, and Drake was currently working on the net. He worked fast although he was by himself. Just watching him doing something worthwhile filled her with a sense of pride.

The front door opened, and Walter stepped inside. "Hey, honey."

She turned to him. "Did you get it?"

He held up the small bag. "It was still so crazy out there, even at this time. I was waiting in line forever."

"I got Drake to put together the trampoline."

Walter glanced through the blinds and saw that his step-son had made a lot of progress. "Great. I was worried I wouldn't get to it by the time everyone gets up." He removed his jacket and shivered from the cold. "I'm so tired."

"Yeah, me, too. All that's left is the trampoline."

The man looked around the living room. The presents were under the tree. The stockings were stuffed. The cookies were eaten. The milk had been drank.

"It looks nice," he said.

Audrey smiled, then glanced at her watch. "Maybe we should try to catch a couple hours of sleep before tomorrow. We have a busy day ahead of us."

"Sounds great to me."

"You go on upstairs. I'm gonna make sure that Drake's alright."

"I'll go," Walter offered, but his wife stopped him.

"I wanna tell him goodnight."

The man nodded. "I'm gonna put on some warm PJs then. It's freezing out there." He leaned over and gave his wife a kiss, then headed upstairs.

Audrey opened the back door, then walked across the yard. She pulled her robe closer as an icy breeze made her spine shiver. It really was freezing out here. How had Drake managed to stay outside for so long. He didn't even seem bothered.

"It's looking good so far," she said, making her appearance known.

Drake looked at her from his place on the trampoline. He finished putting on a blue foam noodle around one of the poles, then he hopped down. "Thanks."

"Need any help?" It was so cold that she could see her own breath.

He could see just how tired his mother was, so he declined her offer. "No, I'm almost done."

"Walter and I were gonna head upstairs and try to get a couple hours of sleep in before Josh wakes everyone up."

"Okay, goodnight."

Audrey stepped closer to him, then she pulled him into a hug and kissed the top of his head. "Goodnight. I love you."

"Love you."

---

Drake's eyes shot open and he took in a sharp inhale. "Mom?" His voice was strained.

The woman stood over him with a tired smile on her face. "Santa came."

The young man remembered that he had fallen asleep on the couch less than an hour ago. Everyone was gathered around him with excitement in their eyes. He was in there way, he realized. He pushed himself into a sitting position, then stretched with a moan. After that, he stood, then went into the kitchen after eyeing his mother's coffee. He didn't usually drink coffee, but he was pretty damn worn out. He didn't bother to pour sugar or creamer inside; he couldn't taste it anyway after all those Triple C's. He still felt pretty buzzed as if he were in a dream. The colorful, blinking lights on the tree and the fact that he was so exhausted aided his unclear state of mind.

As he walked back into the living room, he found Megan tearing away at some wrapping paper. He went over to the dining room table, pulled out one of the chairs, then took a seat out of the way.

"Here you go, Mindy," Walter passed her one of the many gifts under the tree, then grabbed another, read the name, and handed it off. "This one's for you, too."

"Oh, wow! Look at this!" Megan held up box that had a picture of a mini fridge on it. "I've been asking for this for months!"

Audrey gave her a smile, then held another smaller box up. "Drake, this one's for you."

The young man's brows furrowed, for he was caught off guard. "What?"

"Well, you didn't think Santa forgot where your home was, did you?"

He hadn't expected anything. He wouldn't even have shown up had it not been for his father.

"Come on," Audrey urged, for he still hadn't moved.

Drake stood and took the present from her. He sat down on the arm of the couch and pulled away the wrapping paper. Inside was a box, which contained a brand new iPhone. "Holy sh... Thanks, guys."

His excitement almost immediately turned to guilt. No matter how much shit he put them through, his mother and step-father still cared.

"It wasn't us," Audrey said with a smile. "It was Santa."

Drake looked back down at the box. He was about to open it, but he was handed another gift from Walter.

"And pass this over to your brother."

"Actually, we've got a present for you two." Mindy nodded towards Josh, who went over to the closet by the staircase.

Audrey smiled with excitement as her son carried the large box over. "Is this what I think it is?"

Drake had no idea what was going on, but he put a moratorium on opening his gifts because he thought it was rude.

"Open it," Mindy urged as Josh put his arm around her waist.

Audrey and Walter both put their hands on either side of the giant box, and when she nodded her head, they both lifted the lid off. That's when several pink balloons floated into the air.

"It's a girl!" Audrey shrieked, already crying happy tears.

Walter grinned, then gave the two a hug.

A girl. Drake's baby was a girl. Was he supposed to feel something? He didn't. Maybe jealousy, but why? He didn't want it. There was no way that he could raise a kid. He did love Mindy, though, and the idea of Josh taking away his family (although he had stolen Mindy from Josh first) hurt. That was supposed to be him. That was supposed to be his life. But instead, he chose Charlie, and he didn't regret that decision at all.

---

"Need any help?" Drake asked as he entered the kitchen.

"No, thanks, sweetie." Audrey said as she opened the oven a couple of inches and peeked through the crack at the macaroni and cheese.

Drake pulled out a chair and took a seat. He watched his mother as she slaved away in the kitchen. Tonight's feast was supposed to be even bigger than last night's. Audrey looked tired, but despite her lack of sleep, she was running around making sure that everything was perfect. She'd been in this hot kitchen for so long that she was sweating, but she made no complaints.

Since her son had been silent for so long, Audrey said, "Why don't you squeeze in a nap before dinner? You hardly got any sleep last night. You look exhausted."

"I'm okay," Drake declined, and then it was back to silence.

He wished that he could just have a casual conversation with her, but things were different. The only thing he cared to talk about was Charlie. Everything else was just a useless waste of time. Somehow, he couldn't remember what their conversations used to be about before he had started using. He had never sat down with her and chatted non-stop for hours - he'd always been "too cool" for that - but he had never sat in an awkward silence before with her either.

"Thanks," he finally said. "For the presents. I didn't think..." He had been especially grateful for the clothes, which actually fit better than his old ones had.

"Well, we couldn't just leave you out. The phone was last minute, though. That's where Walter was last night."

"That was really nice. I..."

Audrey fanned herself for a moment, then stirred whatever was in the pot on top of the stove.

"I'm sorry I never responded back to your messages."

"You don't need to keep apologizing to me about everything. I just wanna enjoy the time I have with you before you leave again."

The young man stood, then moved over to her side. "Then let me help."

"Drake, no offense, sweetie, but remember that one time I asked you to cook dinner?"

"Mom, that was years ago. Haven't you heard? I'm a master chef now."

She squinted her eyes at him and gave him a smile. "Alright. You're on."

---

"Okay, so I may have exaggerated a little."

"A little?!" Audrey laughed as she looked down at the cake, which had sunken in. She pinched off a piece and held it closer to her eye. "Is that an eggshell?"

"Okay, I'm not that bad," Drake said.

"Why don't you just put the cranberry sauce on a dish, huh? Do you think you can handle that? And just let me do all the cooking."

"Whatever. But you're missing out on my talent." Drake moved over to the sink to wash his hands again, and when he looked out the window above the sink, he saw a few familiar faces getting out of a shiny, black Cadillac Escalade. "Oh, shit." Immediately, he darted through the kitchen and out the front door, then met Marcellas and his crew in the middle of the yard. "What are you doing here?" He was greeted with a punch, which almost knocked him onto his ass.

"How dare you ignore my texts?! I've been telling you to come into work for two days! We're really busy during the holidays."

"My phone broke when you guys almost threw me off the roof!" Drake whispered with a hiss.

"We are losing too much business fucking around with you. You have become a liability."

"Drake?" Audrey called with concern from the doorway.

He looked at her and said, "Just a minute," and when he turned back to the man, he was met with another punch, and this time, he did fall.

"Drake!" Audrey yelled as the stranger continued to pound on him. "Walter!" she cried before running to aid her son.

She shoved the man backwards, but her strength was nothing compared to his. Everything seemed to happen in slow motion. She watched as her son winced when he was kicked, and his eyes squeezed closed tightly. The pain was clear on his face.

"STOP!" she screeched, banging her fists against the man's shoulder and neck. She was instantly grabbed and held back by Rashaad.

"Hey!" Walter yelled as he stepped outside.

Marcellas stopped beating the young man. "You're done selling for me. I don't care how you get that money, but I better have five hundred dollars in my hand every single Friday. Do you understand me?" Since Drake, didn't answer, he gave him another swift kick. "I said, do you under-"

"Gah!"

"-stand me, you little pissant?!"

Drake's teeth were clenched together, and blood outlined each one. "Yes! Okay? I'll get your goddamn money! Just leave!"

Marcellas grabbed his shirt collar and pulled him up slightly so that their heads were closer together. "Don't ever make me come look for you again. I don't like when you make me get my hands dirty." And with that, he shoved him away.

Drake landed on his back. He was slightly blinded from the pain, but as he blinked, it became apparent that his mother was now leaning over him.

"Are you okay?! Oh my God! Walter, call the police!"

"No, don't!" Drake said, pushing himself up. "Please, don't." He knew that it would only cause trouble.

Walter helped him to his feet. "What the hell was that about?!"

Drake panted for breath as he clutched his rib cage. His could feel blood hanging from his lips like drool, so he spat it onto the grass. His eyes moved from his mother to Walter to Josh to Mindy to Megan. Everyone was standing around him. Everyone had just seen what had transpired.

"Who was that?!" Josh demanded.

"Are you okay?" Mindy asked.

The young man was embarrassed. His eyes watered over. He stumbled backwards because he was starting to feel claustrophobic. Thinking that he was going to fall, Walter held out his hand as an attempt to catch him. Drake wiped his nose and saw blood on his hand.

"I'm sorry," he said as a tear left his eye. He took another step back. "I shouldn't have come back. I'm sorry." With that, he turned and made his way towards the sidewalk.

---

Drake was too terrified to go back to his father's. He was sure that Audrey would tell him what had happened when he called to check up on him. None of it was even fair! How was he supposed to know that Marcellas was trying to get in touch with him?! He was the reason his phone was broken in the first place! And now he was showing up at his mother's house?! What would've happened had Drake not been there to take the beating? What would they have done to his family? This is all so fucked up! And now he couldn't even pay the man back by selling ecstasy for him. How was he possibly going to make five hundred per week?!

He felt so ashamed that his mother had been a witness. Even Megan had seen him laying there getting the shit beaten out of him. It was humiliating. He couldn't stop playing it over and over again in his head. All he could hear was his mother yelling and crying. How could they have done that to him?!

The young man flinched when he heard a twig snap. It was dark out, so it made the park extra scary. He looked around, whipping his head left and right as he tried to listen harder. Moments later, a figure came from around the bushes.

"I knew I would find you here." It was Martin, and he looked outraged. "Get in the truck."

Drake obeyed. He stood and walked across the grass. "Dad-" he tried.

"Shut the hell up. I ought to slice your throat."

Drake had visions of blood pouring out of his neck. Although it sounded painful, a quick death was probably a lot better than whatever he was about to get. "I didn't know that they-"

"I told you to shut you damn mouth!"

When he reached the truck, he opened the door, then climbed inside. The ride home wasn't long at all since the park was right outside his father's neighborhood. When they pulled into the yard, Drake got out, then started crossing the grass. Martin slid out of the truck and chucked his beer can to the side. He caught up with his son, then snatched him by his hair.

"Ah!"

He forced him to move faster, and when the door was open, he slung him onto the kitchen floor. The sound of his skin slapping against it caused a loud squeak. Drake flipped over so that he was looking up at the rage-filled man. He flinched when the man slammed the door closed, then locked it and secured the chain. As Martin started removing his belt, Drake scooted himself backwards with his elbows and heels.

"Please, don't."

The man wound the belt back, and just as he brought the buckle end down against his son, Drake brought his arms up to cover his face and turned the upper half of his body to the side.

"Aaahhhh!"

---

Author's Note: I really don't have anything to say except for you should really listen to The Drugs Don't Work by The Verve because it is amazing. And also, thanks to my friend in real life and to Sleepy Owl for still keeping up with the story and telling me your thoughts. Please, review so I can feel accomplished and successful in life. Gracias.