Chapter 11

Edward could feel the pounding of Bella's pulse under his hand that was gripping her neck too hard, too rough. Only the pounding didn't match the words she'd just spoken. It was the way she was looking at him, too – this wide-open expression from brown eyes that silently asked for more.

Would she mind if he kissed her the way he wanted to?

Would it scare her?

Hell, the way he wanted her – this overwhelming need for her – was scaring him.

But he couldn't stop himself.

"Bella." Her name was a whispered warning on his lips, and he knew he could never have stopped the inevitability of what was about to happen. Because that's what all of it felt like.

Inevitable.

Bella had been inevitable.

Edward never believed in fate. He believed that life was composed of choices and the consequences of those choices. He'd made a choice to become a police officer, and suffered the consequence of being shot. Then, he'd stood in a lobby at a mundane job he didn't give a single fuck about until the day she walked in. This shy, nervous woman, who should never have spared him a first glance, much less a second.

But she did.

He kissed her then, his mouth open and hungry and wet. And the way she just let him was so goddamn gratifying. The way she just opened up, allowing him to pull her close as he licked and sucked and tasted her.

And fuck, she tasted amazing.

All hot and salty-sweet against his tongue.

He was so wrapped up in her taste, he almost missed the way she threaded her fingers through his hair. She seemed as needy as he felt, which was impossible, of course. Because no one had ever needed anyone or anything the way he needed her.

Just like this.

Her response was almost the same as the night before – passionate and desperate and just a little too much. But it wasn't too much, not for him. He didn't want it to end. In fact, the idea that it might stop was enough to make him pull her closer, kiss her harder.

And she came.

She came to him, pressing up on her knees before sliding over his lap. His name a whimpered breath into his mouth. It was the sexiest thing in the goddamn world, hearing his name like that. And he couldn't help himself. He pressed up against her, practically grinding his dick against the soft, hot space between her legs. Because she was. She was so fucking hot he could feel her heat through his jeans. And he knew that if he reached inside to touch her there, he would find her wet and swollen and ready to take him.

Except she wasn't.

The realization swept over him all at once.

She'd never had sex. Hell, this was only her second fucking kiss, and here he was, grinding his hard cock against her pussy that he was certain had never even been touched.

"Bella," he groaned, pulling back to look into her eyes. They were wild with the same desire he felt, her cheeks flushed with the same arousal. Only, she wasn't having it. She kissed him again, pressing against his dick over and over, and for a moment, he almost let her continue. Because it felt too good, and he wanted her too much. He could make her come like this – like horny fucking teenagers just discovering what their bodies were capable of for the first time. But this wasn't Edward's first time, and he wanted Bella's first time to be better than that. "Bella, baby. Stop."

She did just that, attempting to awkwardly scramble off his lap. But that was not what he wanted at all, so he wrapped his arms around her body, holding her still and steady against him. She was breathing hard, her eyes wild and confused.

"Why did you…" she started, mortification crossing her face. "I thought you…you told me to stop."

"Maybe stop was the wrong word," he said carefully. "I just – I wanted us to slow down."

She seemed to think about what he was saying for a moment, the confusion clear in her expression. She bit down on her still-swollen bottom lip, making Edward want to lick it.

"I thought maybe you changed your mind," she said. "Like, maybe you didn't…" She didn't finish her thought. Instead, she shook her head, seeming to think better of it.

Edward didn't like the expression on her face. "Didn't what?" he asked. "Want you?"

The very idea of that was ridiculous.

"I don't know," she mumbled.

"Isn't it obvious how much I want you?" he asked, gently pressing his erection against her.

"Nothing about you…about this…is obvious to me."

She ducked down, tucking her head against his neck, as if she was trying to hide, even as she squirmed against him. He bit back a moan. Reaching up to stroke her hair, he said, "There's not a single part of you I don't find amazing. Your guarded mind, your strength, especially the way you kiss me."

"You like the way I kiss?" she asked, leaning her head back and looking up into his eyes. And to Edward, nothing he'd ever seen had ever been more beautiful.

"That's not obvious either?"

She shook her head.

"Whenever we kiss, I feel like…you make me feel like I never want to stop."

"Then why did you?"

It was such a simple question, and she deserved an honest answer. "Because kissing you makes me want to do a lot more."

He captured her little gasp with his mouth, kissing her deeply yet gently. He held her against him close enough that she couldn't move. Because while he loved the feeling of her pussy pressed against his cock, if she started grinding against him again, he'd want to push things too far. And even though she seemed like she really fucking wanted it, he needed to take shit slow for her.

Hell, he needed to take it slow for both of them.

"Bella," he murmured, dragging his open mouth over her neck. "I think you know by now that I don't want to scare you because that would fucking kill me. But there are things I really want to do tonight, and I think you want them, too. But I need you to tell me if you actually want this…if you're ready for this."

"I'm nervous," she whispered, as he pulled back to look into her eyes. "But I want this."

There wasn't even a hint of reluctance in her voice.

"What makes you nervous?"

"A million things."

"Like what?"

She dipped her head, flush coloring her cheeks.

"Like, I won't know what to do," she mumbled.

"Everything you've done so far has been perfect."

"Even when I freaked out?"

"I've freaked out a hundred times tonight," he said, tilting her face up to meet his. "What else you got?"

She shook her head. "Stuff that's too embarrassing to say out loud."

"More embarrassing than the fact that I almost came in my pants like a teenager a few minutes ago because you felt so fucking good straddling my lap?"

Her eyes widened, but a small smile formed on her lips.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Me, too."

Edward groaned. "You know there's nothing I want more than to make you come?"

"No one's ever…" she started. "I mean I've…but I mean, no one else has…"

She was going to kill him, he thought.

"No one's ever made you come?" he asked, his voice gruff. He knew it, of course, but fuck if he didn't want to hear her say it.

"No one else has ever touched me like that."

Not pressing his dick up against her in that moment was the hardest thing Edward had ever done.

"But you've…touched yourself," he said. He didn't need her confirmation, but she gave it to him anyway with a slight nod of her head. Not to mention the crimson stain on her skin. "Bella, I…god, I want to touch you. Will you let me?"

.

.

Bella's dilemma, as Edward held her close and asked her to let him touch her was this: She was probably going to die if she let him, but she would definitely die if she didn't.

And probable death was better than certain death.

So, she said, "Okay."

He kissed her again, hard and fast, before saying, "If I do anything you don't like – anything at all, Bella – all you have to do is tell me. And I swear to god, I'll stop."

She was vaguely aware of him turning her around and placing her between his legs. Although, the truth was that she was very much aware of every single touch of his hand, every single breath on her neck. She just also happened to be aware of the pounding in her chest, her too-shallow breaths, and the vivid realization that this was actually going to happen.

He was going to touch her.

And she had never wanted anything more.

He swept her hair to the side before wrapping his arms around her waist. The cold air on her neck was soon replaced with hot, wet suction of his open mouth. He kissed her skin the way he'd kissed her lips – taking and giving at the same time. She'd never realized that it was possible to feel this way. And she didn't know if she could bear the sensation of it.

"You don't know how long I've wanted this," he murmured, directly into her ear. "How fucking long I waited for you to say something…anything to me at all."

He pulled at the neck of her sweater, exposing her shoulder, and dragging his mouth over her exposed skin. "You taste so good; your skin's so soft."

His hands slid down to her breasts, his palms slightly ghosting over the swell of them. She jerked in his arms, electricity flooding her body as she gasped for breath. And almost as quickly as it happened, he pulled his hands away. But Bella didn't want him to stop, she realized, because the absence of his touch was so much more jarring than the touch itself.

"Please," she whimpered. And without thinking, she grabbed his hands and brought them back up to her chest again, holding them there more tightly than was probably necessary. "Don't. I mean…don't stop."

"Shhh…" he hushed her quietly. "I'm not gonna stop. I just…I don't want to do more than you're ready for. But I promise, I'll take care of you."

She leaned back, placing her full weight on his chest, and his words struck her as she laid her head on his shoulder.

Bella had no doubt he would take care of her. Not just…sexually. Or whatever this was going to be between them. She felt safe with Edward. And even more shockingly, she realized she had from the moment he'd brought a box of books into her apartment.

And that was when he whispered, "I want to take this off. Will you let me?"

His hands slipped down to the hem of her heavy sweater, and she knew if she told him 'no,' he wouldn't push her any further. But Bella didn't want to say 'no.'

"Yes," she whispered, and slowly, almost torturously, he lifted the sweater over her head, and dropped it on the floor beside them.

It wasn't cold in her apartment, but even still, goosebumps rose on every inch of her exposed flesh, causing her to shiver. She was very aware of everything in that moment – how quiet it was in her apartment, how the silence only amplified the sound of Edward's breathing in her ear. Even her own breaths, which seemed too shallow, too short. The way her heart rate spiked when his warm hand slid over her chest and onto the cup of her beige bra that was far too plain and practical for something as illicit as this.

"Jesus," he practically moaned. "Do you have any idea what seeing you like this does to me?"

Flustered, Bella could feel his erection pressing against her, which caused almost as many sensations as the feeling of his hand against her breast. "I think so," she said lamely, because she honestly wasn't sure if the question was rhetorical, especially given just how hard he was. And that brought on a whole new myriad of emotions because Edward was clearly aroused.

For her.

He wanted her.

Bella was naive about many things – sex in particular – considering how sheltered her life had been up to this point. But she knew you couldn't fake that kind of physical response. And she knew it because it was the same way she responded to him.

He kissed her neck again as he fully cupped both breasts with his hands. She bit down on her lip so hard it hurt, almost as if she needed something to counterbalance the awakening pleasure of her body. Because that's what it was – absolute pleasure – and Bella never knew she could feel this way.

And then, as if it all wasn't already too much, he swiped his thumbs directly over her nipples as he gently bit down on her neck, causing her to cry out. She reached up, grabbing his hands tightly in her own, not because she wanted him to stop, but because she needed something real to ground her.

"Bella?" he asked, his breath hot and wet against her neck. "Do you want me to stop?"

She could only shake her head, turning around in his arms. She didn't want him to stop, but she needed to be able to touch him, too. His eyes were deep green pools, filled with concern, and that's not what she wanted. "I'm not scared," she said even as she could feel the anxiety rising inside her. She took his face in her hands with a kind of courage she never knew she possessed, and she kissed him urgently. And he let her, pulling her fully against him, and holding her tight like somehow he knew it was what she needed.

Their kiss slowly moved from something desperate to something deep and fulfilling. And as her heart rate slowed, and her body settled, she pulled back, sucking in a deep breath.

"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked.

She nodded. "I just think…I mean, it's-I'm…it's better for me when I can touch you, too."

A small smile formed on his lips as he turned his mouth into her palm, placing a kiss in the center.

"I can work with that."

.

.

.

A/N

Welp. I was asleep at seven last night like an old lady, but in my defense, I have to be at work at six-thirty this morning. So, you get the update now. I hope it was worth the wait.

Reviews are love.