Chapter Eleven already. It feels like a few days ago that I started this story. Sorry about the almost constant updates, I guess my teachers are excited for the holidays too, and have given up on the idea of homework! I'm fine with that! I guess this will make up for the lack of updates over the holidays, I will be with my family for a couple of days, which means no internet! I will be thinking of ideas though. I already know what is going to happen with this story, but I will keep adding little things in. Thanks for reading, and as usual, I do not own the Hunger Games!

Chapter Eleven - Crumbling

Usually when I wake up in the middle of the night, it isn't a problem, I can go straight back to sleep, just like that. Out like a light, but then usually I don't have anything that troubling on my mind. Now, that little space at the back of my mind dedicated to worrying, seems to have taken over. I miss my home. When I open my eyes, I expect to see the sea rolling in over the beach, or the ceiling of the hut, waking up to another day in district four. When I wake up in completley differnt surroundings, my body seems to go into panic mode. Especially now that I am in the capitol. Then the heartache sets in.

I try to imagine my favourite places at home. Will's back yard, Flower field, the pier, jumping point, the hut... I still remeber every single place in town in incredible detail. My memories are so very vivid.

When me and Will first met, When my mother died, when my father died, when it got so cold that part of the rivers froze, and Ryan went to step out on it and fell through... That must have been the most I have ever laughed, seeing him pull himself out of the knee deep stream, absolutely drenched in ice cold water. And those many, many nights, sitting around the fire. Those stick out the most. I even remeber when my father taught me how to swim and fish. My mother was watching, smiling on the beach.

A mix of feelings wash through me. Remebering all of these things makes my heart ache even more for home. For my family, friends and home. I can feel the wet, salty tears running down my face.

I turn over in my bed, holding tightly onto the duvet for comfort. I still can't get to sleep, even after doing everything I could do. Everything my mother told me to do when I was little, and afraid mosters were under my bed. Before I get up, I can't resist dangling my head quickly under the bed, then pulling myself back up into a sitting postion, sure there is no monsters under my bed. I'm sure the Capitol would never let any monsters in, with the exception of themselves, and Grace.

I pull myself out of the many layers of duvets, and step onto the thick carpet, pausing for a second, letting myself imagine that it is the fine, warm sand from the beach at home, before opening my eyes again, and facing the reality, that I am in a little room, in the Capitol, waiting to be shipped off to the games. Only about three more sleeps until the games. I wish I would stop reminding myeslf.

Sensing a person moving, the lights in my room turn on, momentarily blinding me like the photographers when we got off of the train.

I know what I am going to do. Treasure mentioned that they keep all medical things in a cupboard in the kitchen. Thats my destination. I have to avoid detection, so I'll make up an excuse about checking on Raven if I am caught.

I slip on a large robe that I found in the wardrobe earlier while hunting for some decent clothes. It feels soft against my skin. I can also sneak things into the pockets, which is my plan. I put some slippers on, since I know my bare feet will make noise on the smooth, marble floor of the kitchen. I will have to take some tips from Raven about sneaking around, she's incredibly good at it.

I grab the card from the bedside table that unlocks my door, and slide it past the scanner, waiting for an unbolting noise to wake absoluteley everyone up before I am even out of the door. But it is pretty much silent. As soon as I step out into the hallway, I feel the need to actually check on Raven. Sneaking along the corridor and unlocking her door absolutely silently requires a lot of self control. I feel like a ballet dancer as I tiptoe down the corridor.

The door to Raven's door opens slowly, and I peek through the crack, not letting any light through. Her hair has been tied back in a french plait to keep it from irritating her when she is asleep, which it always seems to. Yet another reason why I keep my hair short. Her face still has smudges of makeup on it from the parade. The has pulled the blankets off of her, so that almost all of her body is falling off of the bed. I pause for a second. Every second longer I stay here, I could get caught, but then, I remeber my promise to myself. The promise I am starting to believe I can't keep. How can I look after Raven and Ryan if I am falling apart?

I step forward, making sure to keep the door slightly open behind me. I am about to lift her back onto the bed when I hear her mumbling. I stop, and listen.

"Pike, I'll ally with you..." then she proceeds to mumble something that sounds like I love you. I am going to have to convince her otherwise. And quickly. This Pike guy will just be plotting make her fall for him then kill her. I have to face the harsh reality, and make sure nothing happens to her. But right now, I have to escape from reality, even if its only for a while.

I gently scoop Raven up, and plade her in the middle of her bed, putting the covers over her.

I leave the room quickly, closing the door, then whispering goodnight.

I wonder further down the corridor, until I get into the open plan living space, where the kitchen sits on a raised platform. I am a little taken aback by how light the room is, just from the light that the city seems to emit. Shades of Orange and white create patterns on the floor and cast strange shadows across my face as I pass by the windows. I climb up the small step to the kitchen, then try to figure out which cabinet it is. I have to go through about three, before finally climbing up onto the smooth countertop to reach the highest cupboard. I pick the lock with my hair clip, and open it up, starting my frantic search immedietly. When I fianlly find what I need, I stuff them in my pocket, close the self locking cupboard, and grab myself a glass of water. Another excuse if I meet someone before I pass Raben's room. I start to tiptoe back to my room, my heart beating faster and faster as my body tells me to run to my room. I start to walk faster, a natural reaction to fear.

I start to turn the corner towards my room when I almost walk straight into Treasure. I stop myself before I do.

"Oh my gosh, Phoenix! You shouldn't be out of your room at this time, what were you doing?" she asks.

"I-I was just getting a glass of water." I whisper, gesturing to the glass of water I am holding well away from my pocket, so that if she tries to grab it, nothing will fall out.

"Oh, well that isn't your job, you should have just called on an avox." smiles Treasure.

"Well don't they deserve a rest too?" I mumble, nervous to stand up for my own opinons. I wish Raven was awake to help me defend myself.

"Sorry what did you say, remeber not to mumble! We must start practicing for the interview! Oh well, I had better leave you to your sleep." she says, already walking away from me. I let the breath I have been holding in out, and continue to my room, locking the door behind me. I shrug the robe off, then take the box out of the pocket, and head towards the bathroom, turning on the light up mirror, which reflects circle shapes into my eyes. My hands are shaking as I unscrew the cap. I don't bother to read anything but the big font on the label.

"Sleeping Syrup, contains Morphling." I don't know how much of this stuff I am meant to take, but all I want it to do is help me escape this horrible world, if only for the night.

I take the plastic spoon out of the side of the packaging, and pour the thick, clear liquid onto the biggest side of it. This is nothing like the herbal remedies the doctors at home use, this was designed in a laboratory in the Capitol, who knows how much it cost.

After taking one spoonful, nothing happens, and I am dissappointed, so I take two more of the fowl tasting stuff, and give up, tears still streaming down my face.

I walk sluggishly back to my bed, putting the bottle straight into my locked drawer next to my bed, and I lie down, ontop of the cold satin sheets, looking out of the window in front of me, watching the Capitol. After a while, my sight becomes blurred. I know I don't still have those contacts in, and I'm not still crying, so the sleep syrup must be taking effect in some way or another. Everything becomes more and more blurred, and I am filled with a feeling of overwhelming calmness. I can't move my body, it all feels too heavy, and my mouth feels like it is full of cotton wool. My breathing begins to slow down, and I can feel myself beginning to pass out. I see the world around me in slow motion as my eyes close, and begin to live in my dream world of home, which is so far away from me that I feel i'll never see it again.

Raven, Ryan and I are sitting on the pier, with my mother and father, talking about something I can't quite hear. Whatever it is, we are laughing about it. Fish swim around our feet, but we don't need to catch them. My mother and father support the family by working at the market. Instead of darting away from us, the fish glide over my feet. I can feel them, the calm ocean water, the slight breeze blowing my plaited hair out of place. We all get up, and all of a sudden, we are running through a field of long grass, butterflies and bees flying around us. We are chasing eachother, racing in and out. I can see my fathers face as I run past him, my laughs ringing through the whole area. Ryan runs behind me and picks me up, swinging me around until we fall over, landing in the hard packed dirt path just outside flower field. My mother picks us both up, laughing, and I inhale the scent of the sea and violet flowers as I dust myself off. We continue to laugh, until it sounds a bit out of place, like we are underwater.

I wake up.

Ice cold shivers run down my spine, and I realise I am on the soft carpet, and that it was all a dream. A hallucination caused by the sleeping syrup overdose. A dream. My mother and father are dead, im not at home. Im in the Hunger Games with my brother and sister just about my only family left. I start to quiver uncontrollably as my eyes dart around, trying to focus on something, anything. I can't hear, can't speak. I try to form words, but my throat is dry, and the tears fall fast.

Then, I spot a blurred shape above me. It takes all of my concentration to be able to focus on it, even though I am still shaking.

The shape finally comes into focus, and I can breathe again.

"It wasn't real... It wasn't real..." I whisper. The tears are stopping now, I have no more to give.

"Hey, hey. Its alright." says the person. Ryan.

I grab onto him like he is the only thing keeping me on the ground, and he really is.

"You have to take me back. Let me go back." I whisper quickly, my hair wet from sweat and tears.

"Where. Where did you go?" he asks.

"I-I took the sleeping syrup, I think I took too much, but I was home Ryan!" the words come pouring out all at once. "You were there, and Raven, Mom and Dad, everyone... I was so happy. I have to go back. Ots in my drawer." I say, clinging onto his T-shirt.

"Phoenix, we have to go for training. There's no way i'm letting you take any of that stuff again. Look at the state you're in. Raven would have a fit-" he starts.

"Raven." I interrupt him. I think of all the people I have to stay alive for. The promise I made to Megan and Emily. Joel and Rebecca... And I have to warn Raven.

"You are right. I have to get up. Help me." I say, letting the tidal wave of panic wash over me.

He grabs my hand and helps me stand upright. I take in my now familiar surroundings, and thank him. He starts to leave the room as I pull the provided black training outfit out of my wardrobe, but I tell him just to turn around, just incase something else happens. I zip up the front of it, and he turns back around. I lace up my boots, which are nothing like the ones at home. The leather is artificial, and hasn't been broken in yet.

Ryan leads me out of my room, and my shaking finally stops. I look presentable at least.

After savouring the taste of my breakfast, I can't seem to get Raven alone, so I decide I will talk to her at lunch. I don't mention anything about the sleeping syrup, confirming that it is one of Ryan and I's many little secrets.

I step into the elevator and the adrenaline starts pumping again as we get down to the bottom floor, where the training centre is.

Ryan is the first one to step into the centre, where a bunch of tributes are already gathering. They look towards us with cold stares. They're not happy that we got all of the attention last night. I look around for Hunter to see if she is doing the same thing, but I can't find her, no matter how many times I scan the crowd. I catch sight of the door to the aquatic ps room though. Thats my first destination.

I also spot the gamemakers, high up above us so that I can barely even see them. The center is dominated by towering concrete walls, and split up into many diffrent sections because of the amount of tributes there are this year. I shuffle nervosuly in my boots as the instructor, Atla, walks forward. Her she seems to make everybody calmer as soon as she walks in. If she wasn't here, we probably would have been at each others throats by now, which I'm sure the Capitol wouldn't agree with, they would much rather watch it live. I know the training is being broadcast on the second channel too, so this is my chance to show off. Hopefully some energy drinks will sort my tiredness out.

Hunter walks in, and instead of apologising for being late, she bursts through the doors, walking past Atla, and says,

"I'm late. Deal with it." ahh. It is refreshing to have someone with similar thoughts to me.

As soon as Atla lets us go, I grab the nearest bottle I can get my hands on, and feel almost instantly energized.

I head straight off to the aquatics centre, and see a large swimming pool, with a controller on each lane. A lot of people sre in here, but nobody from my district. I know Raven will be off practicing archery, and Ryan will be wrestling. Grace will be climbing or something easy, maybe even knot tying.

There are a set of weapons behind me too, and targets in the water, which a computer wil set up for me. I can also adjust how deep the water is, and if I want waves or not.

I choose the settings that are like the sea at home, and choose the deepest setting, with the smallest targets. I'm not even looking at what anyone else is doing. I take off my boots, and the jacket to reavel the wetsuit underneath. I am normally used to swimming in my clothes which drag me down quite a bit, ho having a made to measure wetsuit will help me immensely. It may take a little while to get used to though. When I saw it for the first time on the coat hanger, it looked so small, I wondered if I was sick. I really shoukd eat more, I want to, but Treasure doesn't let me. She takes it straight out of my hands, every time. I do have quite a bit of muscle though.

I pick up a couple of spears, and try to get used to them. They feel slightly diffrent to the ones at home, a little heavier and sturider. But I can work with that. Any spear is a good spear to me.

I climb up the ladder to the highest diving board, which isn't very high by my standards. Ryan and I used to jump fro some of the smaller cliffs with his friends. This is nowhere near that, and there are no rocks to dodge. I sit down over the edge of the platform, letting my feet dangle down, looking at my distorted reflection in the water below. I have to get my act together, protect my family, and save me from myself.

With a sudden boost of confidence, I stand up, putting the spears in my belt so that they can't injure me when I dive in, securing them tightly.

I look back down at the water, it is almost hypnotic, then I press the button, and the dummies start to move in the around, creating ever more ripples in the waves, while the other tributes are learning to swim. The instructor must be having a hard time.

Focus Phoenix.

I wait for the perfect time, tensing my muscles, bending down slightly. Then, I see my opportunity, and launch myself off of the board, up into the air, taking the plunge, straight into the water, hardly making a splash as I enter, so that I can see when I try to hit the targets.

This is the time when I let all of my pent up frustration out, mostly against Grace, the Capitol, and the games. As well as some unexplainable anger, probably linked to the sleeping syrup. I glide fast through the water, and I know I only have one chance to impress. I let my first spear fly through the water, relesing it with immense power, as the water slows it down quite a bit, reducing impact on my target. I continue to glide, hitting the last two, right on the heart. I only realise I was underwater for a bit too long when I resurface, and most people in the facility are staring at me. I get out, trying not to let my feet slip on the tiled floor as the smell of chlorine fills my nose, almost making me gag.

I don't care that everyone is staring at me, all I want to do is practice some more and move on. What can I do to get some peace around here? Why does the attention always have to be focused on me? Just because I don't want it, I get it.

I begin work moving around all of the other stations that I want to, and I finally see what Donna means when she says she thinks I have a chance. Everyone from the other districts stares at me like I am some kind of god every time I pull off something completley normal to me, something I do on a daily basis. I remeber my tactics though, and every time someone else comes up to me and asks to ally, I will turn them down, even thougn it sometimes breaks my heart to put myself in their shoes, and see myself, feel what they feel when I say no.

After we are dismissed for lunch, I feel good about myself. I feel like I haven't taken the plunge yet, but I have quite certainly tested the water.

That was chapter eleven! Again, I have no homework, so I will probably be posting quite a lot as I have nothing better to do. Anyone who is behind can catch up over the holidays when things busier for a few days and I have no internet. Again, thanks for the reviews!