New chapter! I hope you guys like it. I'll try to have the other up sooner. Life's been pretty hectic lately, but it's always fun and relaxing to get home and work on this.

Chapter 11: 4,155 words

"Just two deliveries left tonight, Dean," Chuck said nonchalantly.

Dean let out a breath of relief. He was ready to get the hell out of work. He was tired of dealing with this day. He sensed he would always be tired of this pitiful thing he called his life.

"And Dean, can I ask you something?" Chuck said, for once moving away from the cash register and coming to sit next to Dean.

Dean gave a quick nod.

"What did you do to Jo? I mentioned you to her today and she gave me this scary look and snapped at me."

"Damn," Dean said. "I have to talk to her and apologize. As if I haven't fucked everything up already."

"You didn't answer my question," Chuck pointed out.

"I got crazy yesterday night," Dean explained. "She was trying to help me out, but I bitched at her."

Chuck smiled sympathetically. "Yeah, that's a sure fire way to earn her hate."

"Oh, I'm an expert at making people hate me."

"What exactly did you do, Dean?"

Chuck was a nice guy, Dean would never deny that. And he looked like he was honestly worried about Dean, but he was fucking tired of repeating his stupidity to people. Sammy heard the entire story because Dean needed someone to hear him out for once. And he knew if there was one person who would listen to him without cutting him off and instantly judging him, it would be his brother.

"Okay, I understand, Dean," Chuck said, getting up. "I shouldn't be butting into your business."

Dean tried to smile, but every part of him refused to. "It's not like that. I just don't want to remind myself of a few things."

Chuck nodded, looking as sincere as always. "That makes total sense. Anyway, I should get back to work."

Dean sighed. The pizzas were handed to him by a moody Bela, which he completely ignored. He walked to his car, and sat the pizzas in their place. Dean felt someone walking behind him, so he turned around warily.

"Dean-o," Grabiel cheered. "Ready to get the hell out of this madhouse?"

"That's what I'm trying to do," Dean said, unable to ignore the fact that he was standing in front of Castiel's little brother. And he immediately realized that connection would always haunt the back of his mind for as long as he knew the guy.

"Want some candy?" Gabriel asked, handing Dean a pixie stick, which Dean took without hesitation.

Dean sighed again. "Thanks, Gabe." And there it was—the need to bring up Castiel because he just couldn't build a bridge and get over it. "Um, you know what? Cas has been talking about you lately. He keeps saying how much he wishes you would visit him. Maybe you should drop by and surprise him one of these days. He spends a great deal of time alone." And also, could you tell him to forgive me and take me back, please?

Gabriel rolled his eyes. "Cas doesn't want me around. I know the guy; he's my brother, for crying aloud. Besides, doesn't he have a new plaything to keep himself entertained with?"

"No," Dean said flatly. "He's pretty much alone right now. It could be a fun family reunion thing. Just think about it."

Gabriel grinned widely, like he'd figured out Dean's hidden plan. "Will you be there, too, Winchester?"

Dean didn't want to talk about his recent incident, otherwise known as his complete screw-over, so he pretended everything was fine. "Probably not. Cas' schedule and mine keep clashing, so we can't hang out anymore."

"Hmm," Gabriel said, skeptically. "I guess it all depends on how I'm feeling about my family one of these days. I may have to show up just to pull out that stick out of his ass and help him find his balls."

Dean shut his eyes and shook his head, instantly regretting having asked Gabriel for this. Even more so, he had no rights. Dean climbed inside his car, turning back to Gabriel. "Pizzas are getting cold."

"See you tomorrow, Dean-o."

Sure, Dean thought. Let's have another day to waste my youth in my pointless job, without any motivation or energy left in my body. And completely alone.

"Do you have any plans tonight?" Sammy said, pouring some of his freshly squeezed orange juice into their glasses. Sammy was the only good thing Dean had left that he still felt was his. Sammy still cared for him. Sammy still made sure Dean got his act together, even though he'd spent the last two weeks moping around. Sammy stayed in his room one night, as Dean sang along to "I'm All Out of Love" repeatedly, and Sammy sang with him. Sammy also made sure Dean didn't have a sip of alcohol, even when Ash had brought a whole keg last Friday night.

But what else would be expected from Sammy, the best fricken brother in the world Dean had ever come to know? Hell, he was thankful for him. Dean looked at him, forcing the tinniest smile on his face, and it was all for his brother. "No, Sammy. I think I'm just going to stay in all day long. Maybe watch some DVDs."

Sam grinned back at his brother. "Since I knew you were going to say that, I took the liberty to get dinner reservations in your favorite Italian restaurant."

"Really?" Dean asked, and he could almost hear the excitement in his voice. "Why did you even bother, though? It's not my birthday, is it?"

Sam shrugged. "You like very few things, Dean, and I'm going to guide myself with them so I can get you going again. I promised not to tell mom anything, but you also promised not to let yourself go. And if you must know, back when you went to your first AA meeting, I made a promise to mom that I would take care of you."

Dean never liked the touchy-feely-self-help-yoga crap, but coming from his brother, he didn't have any other choice but to welcome it. Especially during these times of whatever the hell he was going through, which he still didn't quite comprehend. All Dean was aware of was how terribly unhappy he was. "Thanks for sticking around, man. I mean it."

Sammy grinned, taking a bite of his pancakes. "What are brothers for?"

"A suit, Sammy? Come on!" Dean complained, looking at himself in the mirror. "I could pull off a trashcan if I wanted to, but I don't wear suits. They itch and they're hot, and I'm not going to a wedding." Dean widened his eyes, turning around to face his gigantic brother. "I'm not going to a wedding, right, Sam?"

Sam chuckled, twisting Dean back around and adjusting the black jacket. "This is a fancy, high-class restaurant, Dean. I can't be seen around with you in jeans."

Dean smiled, actually smiled this time. Then again, Sammy had earned it. "Alright, quit bitching. I already have it on. Are you going to hold my hand now?"

"No. Get in the car, Dean," Sammy pushed Dean toward the door. "We have ten minutes to get there. I think we can still make it. Chop, chop."

"Since when did you get so bossy? Damn."

Sammy locked the door once they were outside. "Ten minutes. Get in the car."

"It's just reservations for you and me, Sam," Dean said defensively. "I don't think we have to get worked up about it."

"Yeah, well, I don't want to ruin our special evening."

"Such a girl," Dean stated, finally getting in the car and driving off.

The restaurant was packed. The first time Dean had been here he must have been no more than twelve years old. He remembered this place from his childhood. Dean was in the A-honor roll for the first and last time, and his parents were so proud they told him to pick a place to celebrate. He didn't know a thing about this place. All he knew was that it was fancy and expensive and he deserved both with his good grades. Of course, Sammy had been upset at the time, knowing that he always had the best grades, but hardly ever any recognition. It was like it was expected from him. But from Dean, a little bit of effort went a long way.

If only he'd known how the tables would turn as they grew older. Sammy was heading for law school, while Dean was simply and uniquely the pizza man.

"Our table is ready, Dean," Sammy said. They were led to the table, and Dean got comfortable, sitting in front of Sam. His younger brother looked around the room for a moment, disconcerting Dean, and right before he had the chance to question him, Sam got up without saying another word.

Dean scrunched his eyebrows in confusion, and turned to follow his brother's path. Sammy headed back to their table, only this time, with a companion behind him. One who was none other than his very own Castiel.

"Dean?" Cas asked innocently, because sure, what a coincidence, right?

Dean turned to glare at his brother, who was fighting back a playful smile. This was clearly all his work. Dean didn't know whether to thank him or punch him in the face. Judging by the speed in which his heart was beating, he figured he should just suck it up and thank him.

"Hi, Cas," Dean got up from his chair, hurriedly, not knowing if he should aim for shaking Cas' hand or taking him into the much needed hug he craved for. Instead, he kept his hands to himself.

Cas gulped, running hands up to loosen his tie. His nervous eyes trailed towards Sammy. "I'm sorry, but I thought it would just be us here tonight, Sam. You said you had something very important to tell me."

Sam nodded. "As a matter of fact, I do, Castiel. I need to tell you that I dragged both you and Dean out here with tiny little white lies so that you would sit down and talk. Just talk. I'm not asking for anything more. I don't think it's healthy for either of you to pretend this chapter of your lives is completely over. At least give yourselves the chance to talk things out."

Dean wanted to scream that yes, he wanted to talk things out, but the sudden look of anger in Castiel's eyes made him keep his mouth shut. Dean wasn't getting his hopes up. He knew all along his chance was gone, and he would never get it back.

"So…Dean? Cas?" Sammy asked tentatively. "Why don't you guys just take a seat? I'll be at the bar if you need me." And just like that, Sammy left them alone.

Dean looked at Cas and he loved what he saw. Castiel had managed to dress up like he was attending a royalty ball. No, more like he was royalty himself. Castiel's eyes were staring right back at him with incredible intensity. Dean missed that. He missed everything about this man. But he could feel himself pulling back from this, forming some sort protective shield around him. Dean shouldn't want any of it back. He had to stop himself before his mind got the best of him.

"It's...quite a surprise," Cas mumbled, stumbling down to his chair. Dean sat back down on his, unable to take his eyes off of Cas.

The waiter showed up at their tables, and they each ordered Chicken Alfredo with garlic bread. Dean wasn't sure if it was the lighting, but he could have sworn Castiel was blushing.

"I can't believe Sam would do something like this," Dean said. "To be honest, I didn't see it coming, and he was throwing some pretty heavy hints. Made me wear this suit and file my fingernails. I should shut up now." Dean never did like that big mouth of his.

Cas sighed, gazing at Dean, but this wasn't something Dean was used to. It was like Cas was concentrating on something else, while staring in Dean's direction. "I don't know where to start. I'm not even sure I want to do this right now."

"How…how have you been lately? Eating lots of…onions?" Why the fuck would a person in their right mind ask this? Oh right, Dean wasn't one of those.

Cas licked his lips, and in a flash-like second, he looked at Dean's lips, too. "I took a few days off from work and went to Vermont. Balthazar has a house there, and he offered it to me. I had a nice time." Cas gave a side smile that made Dean smile again. "If I must confess, I have not eaten a single onion recently. I mean, not ever since you left the last pizza."

"That's really great about the trip, Cas," Dean contemplated. "I should have taken time off. I wish I would have. Nowadays, I can't stand my job."

Cas looked at Dean seriously now. "Then you should quit. I am certain that you have the potential to do anything you set your mind to. Think of something, figure out a game plan, and follow it through, Dean. I believe you can and will do it."

Just shut up and kiss me. "That does sound tempting. I will have to give this some thought. I guess it is about time I do something about my future."

Cas smirked. "It's never too late to come to that conclusion."

"Cas, I'm sorry," Dean said. He said it because he couldn't hold in the many apologies he had been storing. "I can't stop thinking about everything I did to you, and I don't know how to move on. I'm sorry about Anna. I know how much—"

"Stop," Cas snapped. "Don't talk about her. I think I better go."

"No. You can't just drop this altogether and leave. You and I never communicated right. I'm pretty sure whatever we were saying through eye-language didn't go through correctly. I need you to talk to me, and I need you to hear me out."

Cas took a long, deep breath. "Sure, Dean. Let's talk."

"Okay," Dean said, leaning in closer. He was ready to speak with his heart, no matter how uncomfortable it got for both of them. He was tired of their misunderstandings and secrets. "Cas, I was attracted to you from the very moment you answered your door. You were this beautiful and perfect person in front of me. I'm pretty sure my first thought was to dry hump your leg." Dean winced at his own words. "I have no filter."

Castiel snickered anyway. It seemed like he was enjoying Dean's little outlook from the past.

"I always liked you, Cas. I liked you even when I didn't. When you told me drinking was bad for me I didn't want to accept it because I didn't know how. There were so many times I just wanted to kiss you, everywhere possible. I wanted to taste you. I tried to convince myself I was just that horny, but being around you has that effect on me. Why don't I just cut off my tongue now?"

Cas rolled his eyes. "Dean, there is very little I don't know about you. I think I can handle your slipped-out sentences."

Of course Cas knew about everything about Dean, which made it was harder to tell him what he couldn't see clearly. "The first time I finally had the guts to kiss you, I decided I wanted more, and I would always want more. I don't think I knew at the time how much I would enjoy jumping into a relationship with you. I was afraid. I struggled with my sexuality. I was ashamed that my family would think less of me because I'm different. I didn't want to be just friends. I don't think that ever really went through my mind. And I have no idea when it happened, but I fell in love with you." And there it was, the only argument Dean had in his favor. He was deeply in love with Castiel. It was simple, really.

Castiel's eyes became soft, giving off a warmer, much calmer expression to his face. There was no more anger lingering around. "I fell in love with you, too, Dean. I don't understand why it was so difficult for you to tell me before."

"I'm an idiot," Dean said. "But you probably already figured that out."

Cas nodded. "Thank you for being honest with me."

"It's the least I can do, Cas. I would have told my family, too. Sammy knew about us ever since the day he met you. I was this close to telling everyone else. I just needed more time."

Cas grinned, leaning back in his chair. "You don't have to stress out over this anymore, Dean."

Dean grimaced, knowing well enough Cas was right.

"I guess it's my turn now," Cas muttered. The waiter arrived and delivered their dinner at once. Dean patiently waited for Castiel to take a few bites of his food, and he took the time to do the same, but after they had tasted their food—which was not as delicious as Castiel's home-cooking—Cas began speaking. "Your drinking was always an issue for me, Dean, but I thought it was something we could work out together. I would have done everything in my power to help you quit. But I cannot force anything onto you, I'm well aware of that."

Dean kept his eyes directly on Cas, listening attentively. He was not going to interrupt Castiel. He wanted to know what he was feeling. Dean was surprised to realize how much this mattered to him.

"I kept thinking that you just didn't like me enough, Dean," Cas confessed. "You would look back at me every time I stared into your eyes, and I felt like you wanted to tell me something, but you never really did. You just kept kissing me. And I loved it, and I loved you, in an entirely different way. In a way that was new to me, and it filled me with so much joy. I went along with your decisions, as I have been accustomed to. But it was different, as well. With you, I felt like I could always contribute my own ideas." Castiel looked away from Dean, staring down at his plate. "Not telling your family about us did hurt me. It made me feel like some sort of monster—as if being with me was something out of this world."

Dean didn't know what to say to that, but his hand had a quicker reaction, reaching for Castiel's chin and tilting his head upwards. Cas looked at him, eyes filled with pain that Dean was responsible for. "I'm sorry, baby. I'm sorry I made you feel that way. If I could go back and change it, I would."

Cas slowly removed Dean's hand from his face, and gave him a very serious, stern look. "You don't have to apologize, Dean. You taught me something that I'll never forget. I learned how to make my own choices. I chose not to be with you, and that's the most freedom I've felt in my life."

Dean never understood what the hell people meant by having a "broken heart." His heart was nothing more than an organ in his body. He was sure if it were to actually break, he would no longer be alive. But right now, right at this moment, there was nothing better to describe the way he was feeling.

"Are we going to talk about this?" Sammy wondered, but Dean stepped on the gas. "I had the best intentions."

Dean ran over a red light. "Should've just left things like that."

"But Dean—"

"No, Sammy. I had made up my mind that I had fucked up. I was done with it. I thought the only reason keeping us apart was that Cas didn't know where I was coming from. But now he does, and he doesn't care. He moved on. He doesn't give a damn about me. He loves his freedom. He loves being independent. He just loves being without me. I didn't have to know any of that. I should have stayed home all day like I wanted to."

"Well, at least you gave it a try," Sam encouraged. "At least you won't be wondering 'what if' for the rest of your life."

Dean groaned. "Dammit, Sam, I didn't want this. I didn't want any of this."

"I was just trying to help," Sammy mumbled.

"Yeah, well next time just stay out of it. I don't need anyone's help. I never had, and I never will."

Sammy didn't say anything else. And Dean hoped that his side view was lying to him because he couldn't stand knowing that he was the type of dick that would make his little brother cry.

"Dude, I got invited to this party tonight," Ash said. "We should totally go."

It would have been so easy for Dean to accept this invitation. Go out, drink, and get completely wasted so he wouldn't feel a thing. It would have also been easy to hook up with any girl that wandered in his path. Dean wanted to, but he'd made up his mind. He wasn't letting go. He was doing it all for Sammy. "No, man, I think I'm going to pass this time."

Ash rolled his eyes. "You are so boring nowadays."

Dean shrugged. "I'm just done."

"Whatever," Ash said, walking back to his station.

Dean went to stand next to Chuck, practicing and mentally rewording what he was going to ask him. "Hi, Chuck, how's Jo doing? I'm sure she told you I stopped by the other day to talk to her. She shut the door on my face. Almost broke my nose."

Chuck laughed quietly. "No, she didn't mention that. She just said she wanted nothing to do with you. She'll get over it sooner or later."

"I'll just keep trying until she has no choice but to love me again," Dean said, and it stung the pit of his stomach for some reason.

Chuck smiled. "I will also try to talk some sense into her."

"Thanks, Chuck. I owe you one. Actually, I'm about to owe you more. Do you think you can help me out with something?"

Chuck turned to Dean, giving him his undivided attention. "Yes, absolutely, anything you ask for."

Dean had always known there was a reason he liked the guy so much. "Let's keep this between us, alright? I'm a little interested in checking out the community college by my house. Now, I don't know what the heck I'm getting myself into. I don't even know if they would take me in. I don't want Sammy pressuring me about this, which is what he'd do if I told him I'm considering it. You're a smart guy. You must know a thing or two about college stuff, right?"

Chuck was beaming before Dean even finished talking. "It's on. Tomorrow we are taking a campus tour."

Dean blinked, astounded. "O-kay. Yeah. I guess we're doing this then."

"Yes. Leave it all to me. I will make sure you have all the information. You will not regret this, Dean."

"Great," Dean said. He was glad to receive a positive response from someone again. He was even a bit excited about college now, with Chuck's enthusiasm. This would be good. Sammy would be happy.

"Okay, let's go over this again, Dean," Chuck said. "You have your transcripts, shot records, GED certificate, proof of address, and your driver's license?"

Dean nodded to all of them. "Yes, I've got them. But just so we're clear, I may or may not register today. I told you, all I wanted was to be informed."

"I understand, but as long as we're here, you might as well be prepared. What if you can't resist signing up for classes once you're inside the campus?"

"Doubt that would ever be a problem for me," Dean assured him.

"Aren't you looking forward to leaving your job, doing something you actually enjoy doing and getting paid for it? That's the only thought that gets me through school on most days."

Dean considered it, and yeah he did want that, except he still had no idea what he would even study for. He still didn't have a motivation. All he wanted was to get that "pizza man" title out of the way. Dean parked outside the school and turned to Chuck, who looked so small inside the Impala. "You're right. I am looking forward to not working at that stupid old pizzeria anymore."

"Very good, Dean. I'm proud of you for finally taking this step."

Yep, Dean thought. Finally.