a/n: well I was going to give up on this and I started something else, but this is what I enjoy writing. This is coming from my gut and my soul and so it will be this fic that I will continue for now. Thank you!!! Pb xox

Part eleven: It Was Good.

It was the smack in the face that did it. I don't know how, but I can see again. Not as good as I'd like to and I don't know how long it's going to last but I can for now. I wonder if it's because of this understanding I now have with the things inside me. We sort of made a deal you see. Maybe not one I'll be able to keep but it's keeping them happy for now. Not so happy that they're going to go away and leave me, but happy enough it seems that they're going to let me see a bit. It's like looking through a dirty window; a wet dirty window. I can see shapes and I can see colour and light and dark and stuff, but not real small details. Maybe if I keep up this appearance that I'm doing what they want it will get better? I dunno. What I do know is that this is a whole lot better than not being able to see at all. I have to keep it from dad though. He'll guess. He will know what I've done.

I'm not proud of it! Really I'm not. But I'm just a kid! And I seem to be regressing and getting younger! But that's something I can deal with in my own way. I'll sort that with them later. I wasn't lying when I said that I was in pain. It's excruciating! It's ripping right the way through me and if I didn't know better and know that now it's too late and I can do nothing about it, I'd be trying to rip them out of me. I can feel them crawling around inside me. And when I start to have doubts…too many doubts I feel them twisting and digging and squeezing and I don't bloody well like it! I don't like them hurting me like this! Dad says he understands and that I have to fight it, but it's so much easier said than done.

I watch them for a while and I want to snuggle with them too. I don't like being left out like this. I want to curl up behind dad or sneak in between the two of them…yes that last idea is the one which makes me tingle the most. I want to snuggle between them and feel Spencer's heat and feel him press against me and I want to in turn press myself back and feel someone there. Someone who is there because they want to be, someone who will still be there when I wake up again, you know? Someone I don't have to pay. I throw my dirty soiled shirt to the side and start to crawl slowly over towards them. I want to breathe in those special smells too. I want to be loved. No, I want to be needed. No, not even that! I just don't want to be left out. I want to be a part of this, this, whatever it is. I want to feel Spencer press against me. I want to feel Floyd, not my dad, but Floyd, I want him behind me and smelling me and needing to comfort me! Where is my comfort?

I'm in touching distance now and the wind outside is howling. I can see the movement of their bodies as they breathe in time with each other and move so very slightly so you can hardly see it…but they move like one big creature…they breathe like they are not two people but one. I crawl around a bit so that I can see Spencer's face and his eyes are shut and his mouth is slightly open. I watch that mouth for a little while and then look further down. I squint my eyes up trying to get my eyes to work better but they still distort everything slightly. I can feel my breaths are getting deeper but harder. Damnit. I want to be a part of this! Why does he leave me out every time? Why does he treat me like a dog when I'm just as good as he is! I want to meld with them and be like one! I want to be included.

Slowly I crawl around a bit and get a closer look at dad. They're both drugged. I know that. They are off somewhere in their heads healing and so this might be the only chance I ever get; especially is he figures out that I made a deal with the others. I'll never have another chance for anything if he works that out and really I expect him to. He's a long way from being stupid, even if he does disguise that very well sometimes.

I place a hand on dad's shoulder and give him a slight push and he moans and moves back just a little bit. I watch for Spencer to move back and just for now he doesn't. I'm a skinny kid. There's not much of me and the gap dad has made is plenty big enough for me to squirm into. I slide down and lay on my side with my back to dad and my front to Spencer and then I take dad's arm and move it so it's around me and not that FED and I wrap my own arm around him. I can't heal as well as dad can, but tough. I want something. I deserve something. I have needs too…and I want them met. I don't care if they don't know what they're doing. I don't care one little shit if they don't realise it's me. I want it. I want it so bad that my fingers go into claws as they touch Spencer. I can still smell his blood and other fluids. I can smell his sweat and lust and damnit…I press back against Floyd….I have to think of him as Floyd now and not dad or it would be a bit sick maybe…well some people might think that anyway…so yeah…I push against Floyd and feel him press back against me and I feel Spencer press against my front and I block out the pain. I block out the sound of the wind and I move my dirty little fingers to where they shouldn't be…and I wriggle against my…against Floyd…

And it's not really much of a surprise when I get exactly what I want!

It's not rape.

Not really.

He wanted it as much as I did.

But I realise that I have to get out and go back to my corner. This time I will. This time I'll just take what I want from these two bastards…these two who I'm going to fuck with all I want then see die…it's the only way! If there was another way I'd do it…but they just offered me too many candies.

And I guess I'm easily corruptible.

I slide back out from between them and crawl back to my corner and pull that dirty shirt over my body and head…and I close my eyes…and wrap my arms around myself. I'm completely sated and when my eyes close I'm asleep straight away…and I make plans in my sleep.

-o-o-o-

'Hey.'

I open my eyes and look at the back of Spencer's head. I've been waiting for him to wake up. The bleeding has stopped. For now. And he's talking. That's all I needed to know really. I give the back of his neck a long greedy lick and them move carefully so as not to bash my damaged arm and shoulder on anything and whisper into his ear.

'Welcome back Babes. I want you to stay right where you are for now. Don't move OK? Just stay there. Something I have to sort out first.'

He wriggles a bit closer to me but I move back out of the way.

'Don't go.' His voice is dry and but still sweet.

'I'm just going over the other side of the room. I'll still be able to see you, but I don't want you to move. Promise me.'

'Fine. I'll stay here.'

I run fingers through his hair. My hand seems to be the right shape, size and colour now which is good. It aches like fuck though. It's going to take a while to get it working properly again. Well as well as it used to anyway. And that makes me hope that Hotchner and Prentiss choked to death a miserable slow painful death in the dirt during the storm, but for now I roll away from Spencer and stand up. My left arm is still just hanging at my side and I need someone to help me fix that, but something else has to be done first. I walk over to where Sam is huddled under the shirt he'd been wearing and I crouch down and pull it back off his face.

'I know what you did.' I hiss at him. I don't want Spencer to hear any of this.

'When?'

Does he look nervous? He bloody better. 'I know what you did.' I repeat.

'So you said, but when? I've done lots of stuff in my life time.'

'Keep your voice down.' And I go from my crouch to sitting with my legs crossed. 'I might have been playing with the pygmies with grey dust up my nose but I still know what you did.'

'I don't know what you're talking about.' He blinks.

'I know what you did to Spencer and I know what I did to you and I think we need to keep that between the two of us for now.'

'I don't know what you're talking about.' He shuffles around but his eyes keep flitting back to me.

'You know. You know what I'm talking about. I'll not deny that it was good, but it's not to happen again without my permission.'

'I'll not deny that it was good, but you shouldn't have done that.'

'You knew it was me?'

'I know everything Sam. Please don't underestimate me. I know what you are up to. I know you can see again and I know why. That's also something we are going to keep between the two of us.' I'm not sure I actually do know why, but I'm going to throw that in my guess basket and let him think I know.

'I don't understand.' He's sitting now and looking directly into my eyes.

'You screwed Spencer. I'm not very happy about that, but I understand that sometimes those bugs inside of you make you do things. I know all about that sort of thing and so we are going to pretend that it never happened. We are going to play act that you can't see because that will give Spencer something to latch his mind onto. He needs that.'

'And you screwed me! And you knew it was me and you still did it!'

I smile at him. 'You got a complaint? You didn't like what I gave you?'

He swallows hard as he thinks about his answer. 'I don't have a complaint as such, but….'

'No…no excuses boy. You have to keep control of those things inside you or I will kill you and I won't make a hash of it as you did with Spence. I'll do it properly. You understand me? You touch Spencer like that again and I'll fucking rip your balls off and feed them to you as you scream. You comprehend my meaning?'

'I comprehend all right, but it's hardly fair as you seemed perfectly happy to stuff me.'

'You're mine…I'll do what I want with you. He's also mine and I'll do what I want with him. You however have nothing unless it's offered to you. Get me?'

He pulls that grotty shirt tighter around him. 'You threatening me?'

'No Sam, it's a promise. Think of it as something to look forward to.'

'But you can't do that! You're my dad!'

I nod at him then frown and shake my head. 'No, you Sam are my spawn. Big difference.'

'You're a fucking pervert!'

I move my good hand over to him and brush stray hair out of his face. 'Well I kill people for pleasure. I love to see pain. I eat my victims…I feed bits of them to my friends…yes probably I'm a bit on the perverted side…what the hell did you expect? You thought you'd offer your little arse to me and I'd not know? You thought you'd be able to do that and I'd not want more of it? You took a bigger knock to your head than I thought you did.' I push back slightly away from him. 'Now you will get my shoulder back into place for me. I'll tell you what to do, you just need to pull and press down on that lump of bone on my shoulder. Just remember that my arm's broken, so don't go pulling below the break.'

'Fuck you! Get Spencer to do it!'

But he does what I tell him. The kid is scared now. He's going to be keeping his arse away from me for a while I think.

I don't like the way he's shielded his mind. He's up to something more than this little game he played when I was doped. I will find out. And it has something to do with his regained sight. I might be good, but I'm not so good that I give sight back to the blind.

Or maybe I am.

'AARRRR shit fuck bastard!' I scream between clenched teeth as my arm makes another nasty popping sound and the shoulder pops back into place.

-o-o-o-

I can hear them talking, but I can't make out what they're saying. Just the occasional word or two. I can tell that Floyd's not happy and I can tell that Sam's not too pleased either. I move my hands up to my neck and stroke over the wounds. They are open and sore, but not bleeding. For a little while I lay and try to work out what the two of them are talking about, but my mind soon drifts and sharp flashes of memory shoot across my mind. Memories of some sort of hallucination when I was drugged.

It felt good, I know that much, but the images are strange and maybe even a bit too bright. I feel relaxed though and for a change I actually feel happy. Floyd's sudden shout of pain brings me back to now and I turn to look at what's going on. Floyd is standing holding his left arm tightly to his chest and Sam is standing looking very grumpy next to him.

'I'm fine.' He says. Though I don't think he's saying it to me. More to convince himself I would imagine. I smile and I get a half smirk back from him and then he starts to walk over to me.

'Broken arm hurts like shit.' He says as he sits down. 'It'll be able to heal now.' And I get another small almost but not quite smile.

'Floyd.' I want to say something to him but he places a finger over my lips.

'Not now Spence. We seem to have slept through the hottest part of the day. We can get moving again now.'

I still need to say something to him though. 'I know.' Is all I say.

'Ah…' He replies.

'Thank you. It was erm…good.'

And now his relaxed face gets a frown across it. 'Good? It was good?'

I've said something wrong. I misread his mood. 'I'm sorry Floyd. More than just good. You know that.'

'More than good? You enjoyed it?'

I smile at him and nod. 'Of course I did.'

He stands and looks down at me. 'Fucking wonderful. That's brilliant Spence! Thank you so fucking much!'

And I'm on my feet now too. 'I don't know what gets in to you sometimes!' I shout at him. Oh god I shouted at him. I take a few quick steps back out of the way.

'You!' He's pointing a finger at me and I can see the rage in his face. It's distorting that lovely face and making it look almost demonic. 'You don't know what gets into me?! You're having a laugh with me!' Jabbing the finger in my direction. 'You stupid fucking shit for brains!' His voice echoes around the room we are in. He shakes his head vigorously and dust and dirt goes flying. 'You have no bloody clue! You damned ungrateful son of a bitch! You enjoyed it?! You liked it?! You did like it didn't you Spence? You really loved it didn't you?'

I don't respond. I don't know if I should be nodding my head or shaking it so I do nothing.

'Tell me how much you enjoyed it Spence! Tell me! I so want to know. Tell me!' The hand has dropped and is now in a clenched fist. 'Come on now, don't shy away from me know Babes. Tell me how good it was.' His voice drops now to a deep threatening whisper. 'Best you've ever had was it? Better than last time? Want it like that again do you?'

Again I stay silent. Whatever he wants me to say is a complete mystery. He carries on though and as he does Sam walks over and touches him on the arm.

'You bastard!' Floyd shouts at me and I look down at Sam's hand on his arm and see that there is blood dripping from between his fingers. He must have cut his hand with his fingernails. 'You dirty fucking whore! That's all you are! I don't know why I bothered doing this shit! You get me killed. You get me dragged out of that place by my, my, by my head. You got my fucking neck broken and I damned well forgave you. I let it go Spence. I'm all for forgiving you for doing that! But this?! This is beyond the pale. Why I've not just ripped your head off and fucked your dead arse is beyond me! Why?' He turns to look at Sam. 'Get off me you stupid greedy little shit. Get the fuck off me. Don't you bloody touch me!' These words directed at Sam and now I'm totally lost. I have no idea what I've said wrong.

'Floyd I'm sorry. I don't know what you want me to say! I was high. You drugged me.'

'I was saving your sorry arse life! Which is more than you did for me.' Turning now to Sam. 'Get off me boy before I break your skull and eat your dirty little brain. Just don't you touch me. Either of you. Don't you fucking come near me unless I ask you to. Do you both understand me? You're just meat. You're nothing. You dirty….' He takes a step towards me. 'little…' Another step. 'Slut.' His face is so close to mine now that I can feel his lips touching me and smell and feel his breath on my face. 'You're nothing more than a little whore. I don't know what I see in you. You used to be such a nice clean boy. Such a lovely person. What the fuck happened to you?' I want to tell him that it was HIM that happened to me, but I don't. I want to lick my lips, but I would be in contact with him with my tongue and I daren't do that. His bloodied hand reaches up and pushes first his hair behind his ears and then he winds a finger around a lock of my hair and then lets go of it. 'What happened to you Babes? Why are you such a dirty little whore?' And it is Floyd who licks his lips and makes contact with mine, but whereas normally he'd then deliver a deep groin tingling kiss, this time he steps back and turns to Sam and I see that clenched fist again and I thought he was going to hit Sam, but he doesn't. He just looks at him for a while and then walks away from us. Walks away towards to exit and out into the daylight again.

'Sam?' I whisper to him.

'What?!' He replies and runs after his dad with what looks like bits of the shirt wrapped around him as a breach clout.