Indistinguishable From Magic

Things Said and Unsaid

Well this season's been a gem so far. I'm still cautious that the bottom's going to drop out of everything because previous seasons have let me down with their conclusions but so far it's all been great. I would have liked to have seen them in their alternate personalities for a little longer and not had to sit through the whole Julia/AU Penny thing but those are small compared to other problems I have had with the direction they've taken this show over the years. Anyways I was sort of working, but sort of blocked up on writing a chapter about Margo until Wickoff finally interacted last episode and put all my other plans on hold. So here it is, I can't have them stay mad at each other for very long. I'm honestly kind of confused about Julia's whole thing in that conversation unless it's just what I laid out here. At least Kady's going off to be a revolutionary now. Honestly last episode in particular was great. So many great plot threads. I'm rooting for Alice to get her new friend/mother figure back. I'm rooting for the Schiffs to meet again and make up. I'm rooting for Quentin and Julia to get Eliot back. I'm rooting for Fen to be a hero. There's just so much to root for right now. But here's some feelgood Wickoff to hold us over until all that happens. I was listening to After Midnight by Blink 182 while writing this.

Kady liked her new apartment. It was spacious, secure, and above all it helped her remember Sam when she felt further away than Kady was capable of grasping out of thin air. It all felt strange, this fear she had of losing the alternate persona that had been forced on her through magic based on a character from an obscure comic book. A part of her recoiled at the thought of "someone else" existing inside of her body and wanted to run away from the reminders and get back to being just Kady again. If Julia had made one thing at all clear in their conversation the previous night it's that that's what she thought she should do. She still wasn't sure how she felt about that conversation or the emotions it stirred up in general, but the larger part of her that longed for that connection to Sam was winning out and there wasn't enough resistance within her to stop it. She wasn't sure. Maybe it wasn't the same for the others. Maybe they could just dismiss their alternate personalities as characters forced upon them and go about their days. She couldn't do it though. At the end of the day she was Sam and Sam was her and she was perfectly fine not changing that.

Her apartment these days is a little more crowded than she'd like. Quentin was fine when he wasn't acting like an arrogant douche and she wouldn't be able to bring herself to turn Julia away even if she wanted to, but living with people always brought you into conflict with them in greater frequency. The whole thing with Julia the night before wouldn't have happened if they weren't under one roof, the case files would have never come up in the first place. And that was on top of the general lack of personal space and privacy that came with having other people around more often than not. Which was why she was in her room curled up in bed and letting her mind wander right now instead of walking through the apartment to try and get a grasp on Sam. Quentin was on some sort of baking kick and so he was going to be occupying her kitchen for the foreseeable future. And Julia, well Kady didn't really know what Julia was up to truth be told, they've kind of been avoiding each other since last night. Her room was still her sanctuary though and that wasn't about to change while she was still drawing breath.

The case files lining the bookshelf next to her bed were all in manila folders and arranged by crime. There were enough murders, disappearances, and thefts to keep her occupied well into the foreseeable future especially now that she no longer had access to police resources. A brief image of herself walking into the local precinct with her hair done up the way Sam liked it, in a dress shirt and jacket that weren't her style at all, and a confidence that wasn't hers briefly flashed into her mind. She'd smile and try to keep her tone of voice to Sam's pitch as she said hi to Rodriguez and Taylor who were always shooting the shit at the water cooler. She'd tease Barnes who had a desk across from hers if the computer was giving him any trouble and he'd call her "kid" and probably give her the finger. She'd walk into the Captain's office and report on her recent undercover activity before asking if there were any other pressing matters she needed to attend to before she could get to cracking on the case files piling up on her desk. She'd do all that if Sam still existed as more than just a character on a page for anyone else. That was the thing about magic though, when it got rid of something it was very thorough. She still wasn't sure why her own memories were spared.

A tentative knock on the door pulled her out of her own head.

"Who is it," she asked the obvious question.

"It's Julia," the other woman said in voice that sounded as unsure as her knocking. "Can I come in?"

"Sure," she said after a moment's hesitation of her own.

She really didn't want to have another fight right now, but if something was wrong she wasn't going to just sit back and do nothing.

"Let me get the door," she said already getting up out of bed and rearranging the blankets into something more presentable.

The face that greeted her at the door was a strange mix of anxiety and determination. Knowing Julia she was sure the determination was going to continue winning out. Whenever Julia set her mind to something it got done one way or the other regardless of whatever else she was feeling.

"What's up," she asked taking a seat on the bed as Julia positioned herself to lean against a nearby dresser.

"What are those," Julia asked instead of answering her question.

Without hesitation she knew Julia meant the rows and rows of manila folders.

"They're nothing," she tried to play it off.

"They're case files aren't they," of course Julia was smart enough to figure it out anyways.

"Look if you came here just to rehash our conversation from last night you might as well just turn around and walk back out now," she said trying not to sound too agitated. "Because we'll both end up saying things we'll regret and I really don't want that right now."

Surprise flashed across Julia's face at that before the heat of embarrassment colored her cheeks.

"No, I uh," Julia started saying before clearing her throat. "No I actually came to apologize for that."

"Oh," she said some of the tension leaving her. "Proceed then."

"I was a jackass," Julia stated bluntly.

"Yeah you were," she said cracking a smirk.

"This is obviously something you want to do, something that makes you happy," Julia continued. "And I don't know where I got off trying to tell you that you shouldn't do it just because I was worried about you."

"You were worried about me," she cut in raising an eyebrow.

"I uh, yeah," Julia was very deliberately not looking her in the eye right now, "And it was selfish of me to let that get in the way of what you wanted, especially after you opened your door to me and Quentin and let us in without a second thought, and I'm sorry if I damaged our relationship further by putting my foot in my mouth."

"Well as long as we're apologizing," she found Julia's eyes again. "I'm sorry I blamed you for my mom when I should have blamed Marina."

"You didn't even know me back then," Julia shook her head. "It's not the same thing."

"Your mom, Martin, Reynard, this," Julia listed. "I've betrayed your trust so many times and yet you still invited me in."

"Well yeah I care about you too or are you the only one that gets to do that," she said feeling slightly defensive. "I mean fuck Julia, I betrayed you during the key quest too and you still came back and saved my life."

Julia's cheeks were pink again. Silence descended on the room and Kady thought about asking what the blushing was about.

"You've saved my life too," Julia said seemingly realizing the silence had gone on too long.

"You're one of the best people I know and the world needs you," she said. "I need you."

"I need you too," Julia said after a moment's hesitation. "And the truth is I'm worried about you doing this and adding more danger to your life because I'm scared of losing you."

She stood up at that, "Say that again."

After a moment's hesitation Julia repeated, "I'm scared of losing you."

"I'm scared of losing you too," she put her arms out to the side, "If you want me take me."

The implications of her statement were clear, but she could already tell that Julia was overthinking it.

"Julia," their eyes were locked again. "Stop overthinking it."

"If it's something you're not comfortable with that's one thing," she continued. "But don't talk yourself into thinking I don't actually want this."

She wanted this, had wanted this for longer than she was willing to admit.

"If you want me take me," the invitation was there again.

It was only another brief moment's hesitation before they were kissing and she felt herself being pushed back towards the bed.

Kady had never really been a fan of the so called "morning after". From what she could gather Sam had never really been a fan either though she hesitated to dive too far into Sam's sex life because then images of Margo started coming into her mind and she really didn't need that. Regardless Kady had slept with enough people that she didn't care about seeing again that she knew exactly how the whole awkward getting out of bed and putting your clothes on and hoping that they don't wake up before you're gone and on your way home thing worked from both sides. It's different when it's someone you actually care about though. There's no rushed exit or awkward goodbyes. You can just lay there and enjoy the company of the other person even while they are still asleep. Julia was still asleep and Kady was in no rush to wake her. They could discuss what happened last night and what it meant going forward. Regardless, Kady hadn't felt this good about their relationship in a long time. She briefly wondered what Sam would think. Their friendship was messy. Things could get even messier now that they've thrown sex into the mix. They had a history, but they also had a connection, a connection that Kady wasn't sure either of them could do without. At the end of the day Sam would probably approve. Kady was certainly smiling.

So I may do a deeper dive into the whole Kady-Sam connecting with your alternate personality thing at some point. I definitely think her and Margo are the most connected to their alternate selves. I also ship Sam/Janet which seems to be the consensus so there's that too. Honestly I have a lot of fic ideas floating around right now. There's a thing I want to do with Team 23 too because that episode that was mostly about them really made me love them as a team too much not to think of writing more.