Author's Note: To be completely honest, when I publish a fanfic I usually never finish it. I make new accounts to make new ones so no one knows of my past failures, (believe me, there is a lot) but something about this story just draws me back to it. I still have ideas I need to release. Also, this is the only story I can think of where I can be as ridiculous as I want since Hetalia itself isn't even a serious show. Fuck knows when I end this, idk probably when i'm dead. Also I know this show is literally offensive as fuck but then again what isn't? Also, I apologize for the two month spaces in between chapters? Haha. Okay. It will go back to a normal, healthy, publishing schedule of one month. No jk. OR AM I?!

Japan's POV

"What do you think your hot female self will do to your evil self?" America asked Japan.

"I don't know." Japan shrugged.

"Who cares?! Now I have to go back!" Allen groaned.

"A pity." Japan didn't look at him.

"I, for one, have ZERO problem going back home. Fuck this place." Luciano spat. "I'm done with everyone and everything."

"Aww, now you need more secondhand men, though." Flavi smiled.

"I know. Maybe I'll hire some idiots from the street." Luciano sighed. "Or get some of those kids from the orphanage!"

"That sounds like a great idea! We can raise them to be just like us and then give them love and hugs, maybe this way they won't feel compelled to betray you!" Flavi cheered.

Luciano really did hate how enthusiastic his brother always sounded. That much was not a lie. Maybe he really should have cut out his tongue.

"I wouldn't mind having some power." Allen said.

"Well, fuck you! You're not hired." Luciano stomped ahead.

"He's just grumpy since he almost died, excuse him." Flavi laughed nervously.

"He's always like that except usually he'd be smiling." Allen grumbled.

"Normally I'd be looking forward to the end of a day like this. I'd think 'yeah, a dip in the bath sounds amazing' but you know what? My bathhouse is destroyed. No relaxation." Japan sighed.

"Don't be silly, you have an actual bath you can use in the meantime." America slapped him on the back. He stumbled forward.

"Don't do that." Japan hissed. "Also, it's not the same." He whined.

"Oh, good, I see you managed to get everyone together. For the most part." Alice said. They saw her standing with England and Chun-Yun in the distance.

"What?!" Allen shouted. They couldn't hear her.

"I said THAT I SEE YOU MANAGED-"

"Can we just get closer to them?!" England yelled.

"Fine, whatever."

The trio connected with the whatever the fuck term for five people is. If this was an RPG it would say ALICE AND ENGLAND AND CHUN-YUN ADDED TO PARTY.

"Mameko went to finish off Kuro and Lutz." Japan explained.

"No!" Alice gasped. "We can't kill anymore of them, there's consequences for this type of shit!"

"Anymore?" Japan asked.

"England, can you look on the mirror for her?" Alice asked.

"How in the bloody hell am I supposed to do that when you're holding it?" England snapped.

"Right, right." Alice shook her head. "Show me Mameko."

The girl was shown throwing what seemed like an infinite amount of shurikens at Kuro and Lutz, who were trying really hard to dodge them. Kuro did well considering his back was broken.

"They're fine." America said, trying to sound cheerful.

"Nah, they're fucked yo." Flavi said.

Everyone stared at him except Luciano, who cussed under his breath and then banged his head repeatedly on a tree nearby.

"Well aside from Oliver and Francois being seemingly dead, we just have them. Then everything should be normal again." Alice told England. "Let's get this over with, yes?"

"About damn time." England said.

"Adventure!" America raised his fist.

"I kinda don't want this to end." Allen said. "Like, I came here because my old world fucking sucked!"

"I used to think that too but then LOOK WHAT HAPPENED WHEN I TRIED CHANGING SHIT UP!" Luciano screamed. Flavi rubbed his back.

"There, there." He said.

"Well you can't stay here. You're not welcome." Japan said, cold.

"After everything we've been through." Allen said.

"You're the reason my life is hell right now. You chained me, imprisoned me, hired someone to kidnap me so you can try and play hero and you just expect me to forget it?" Japan hissed, turning to face him. They were in each other's faces, Allen upset and Japan clearly pissed.

"Hey, guys, can we worry about this pathetic love quarrel later?" England said.

"This story is literally about those two, let them have their moment!" Flavi scolded him.

"What on earth-"

"I'm not good at showing emotion, it's hard, and I know none of that was okay but if you'd just give me a chance I know you'd be able to see me for me, you know?"

"I see you for you, alright. A heartless murderer." Japan was relentless, his look unwavering.

"I haven't killed anyone innocent, to be fair." Allen shrugged.

"I'm done." Japan turned to walk away but Allen grabbed his arm, pulling him back. "Let go of me!"

"No." Allen wrapped his arms around him, refusing to let go.

"What are you doing?" Japan asked.

"I'm not ever letting you go this time. You will be mine, whether you want it or not." Allen said, his voice threatening. And tinged with lust.

"Shouldn't we do something?!" America was shocked.

"Nah." Flavi was eating popcorn. "I love this show."

"Let go of me right now!" Japan demanded.

"Bye." Allen said to everyone before lifting Japan over his shoulder and then walking off. No one stopped him.

"Shouldn't we...?"

"No. Let them bond." Flavi said. "This is the climax of their relationship. It will be like beauty and the beast!" He gushed.

"Well I don't care about that shitty movie, I'm going to help." America said.

"Okay, America you go handle Allen and we'll meet up with you again. We'll go take care of Kuro and Lutz." Alice said quickly. She just wanted to go home. "Don't kill him!"

"Wait until I get my hands on those slimy two-faced fucks!" Luciano giggled.

"You can't kill them here." Alice scolded him.

"Whatever, I don't listen to blonds in maid cosplay." Luciano spat.

"Excuse me? How dare you insult me like-"

"Alice, please." Chun-Yun said. "We have a mission."

"Didn't your name get spelled differently than that?" Flavi asked.

"What?" Everyone asked.

"Nothing." Flavi said.

China's POV

"The worst part about all this is I doubt anyone cares about me." He grumbled as he walked with Nikolai and Anya. They were going to the nyo world. Whatever the hell that meant. "What exactly are we doing once we're there?" He asked.

"We're going to play!" Anya clapped.

"Yeah, I get that, you never said how." China said.

"You'll see."

"Well I don't trust this. I was thinking maybe this is good but I'm changing my mind. I want out."

"You will do wise by keeping your mouth shut." Nikolai said, looking real scary.

"You don't scare me!" China said. "I literally went to hell and back!"

"Fight me. A battle to the death." Nikolai pulled a knife out.

"Brother, no! I'd be very sad if either of you died!" Anya cried.

"I won't die, I'm a nation." China said. He realized with dread that he was just human in the other world. Oh wait, they were back in his world. Nevermind. His wound was healed now, too. But those two don't know that.

"He knows something. He just felt dread then relief." Nikolai hissed.

"None of your business what I think of!" China said, pulling his wok out of nowhere.

"No, don't fight! Please!" Anya pleaded.

"Anya, stay back." Nikolai was ready.

"NO!" Anya stomped her foot. Her scarf started to magically move and she began to cackle, a very unsettling one. It ripped the wok out of China's hands and threw it at Nikolai's face, knocking him out. "I'm sorry dear brother but I can't let you do this." She removed his own scarf and tied him up. "Let's go before he wakes up." She took China's hand and they ran off together.

Germany's POV

"So this device is just in your own meeting room?" Prussia whisper-asked as they entered the other world.

"I said yes a hundred times." Klaus hissed.

"We're going to die. This is an awful plan." Germany said.

"No one said you had to come!" Prussia yelled at his brother.

Klaus suddenly didn't need help walking. He felt fine. His hand was back. Like it just magically reappeared.

"Hell yes! Those bastards have hell to pay! Starting with your Spain. First things first, he needs to be brought here so I can exact my revenge the proper way." Klaus said.

"Okay, I don't want you to kill him." Prussia said. "Just, like, kick the shit out of him or something."

"You have my word, he isn't going to die." Klaus said. He led them to their own UN building. He led them into the meeting room and began looking around. "Where is this damn thing?" He muttered to himself.

"Don't be a dick, Germany, go help him!" Prussia told his brother.

"You are making literally no effort to help him, either." Germany replied. He crossed his arms. He will not be doing anything. Not in my house.

"I got it!" Klaus said, pulling a remote out from a drawer.

"Okay, let's see if this baby works." Prussia said, rubbing his grubby little hands together.

Klaus pressed a button on it and started screaming in pain, dropping the remote in shock. He fell to his knees, clutching his head.

Germany, unphased, grabbed the remote and pressed another button, making Klaus stop.

"W-What the fuck...?" Klaus whispered to himself, genuinely shocked.

"I told you this guy is an imbecile. He didn't even believe this was real. Until he found out it was." Germany said.

"Who exactly told you about this?" Prussia asked, helping Klaus up.

"Mate, I told you I was stoned out of my mind. I don't know." He snatched the remote from Germany. "No magic device until you help me get my revenge."

"I could beat you to a pulp and just take it." Germany shrugged.

"How rude! We honor our deals, here." Prussia put an arm around Klaus. "Because we are awesome like that."

"We are?" Klaus teared up, genuinely touched by that.

"Oh, brother." Germany facepalmed. Italy will not be happy when he sees that Germany is about to betray him. Romano will also be pissed but he's used to that. He's always pissed.

Spain's POV

"Romano, Romano, Romano...!" Spain sang, playing his little guitar furiously. Romano was lying in bed, knocked out. After he acted in love and strange, he passed THE FUCK out.

"I think it's working!" Italy clutched Spain's arm.

"Yes, yes, I think so, too!" Spain began to sing again.

"Stop that God awful singing! You bastard, I'm trying to sleep!"

"There's the Romano I know and love!" Spain cheered, dropping his guitar and pulling him into a hug.

"Let go of me you sick bastard!" Romano yelled but he didn't try to pull away.

"Brother, do you remember anything that happened?" Italy asked him when Spain was done.

"What?"

"What happened to you, do you remember?"

"What are you talking about?" Romano asked.

"You were captured." Italy said.

Romano started to think. "I'm not... sure." He said.

"What's the last thing you remember, then?" Italy asked.

"I was... at home? Then..." Romano was at a loss for words. He had no memory.

"I wonder what they did to you." Spain said, disturbed.

"I just need sleep and then I'll be okay. Stop staring at me like that, you bastards!" Romano rolled over in his bed, covering himself with his blanket.

There was the sound of a window breaking in the distance all of a sudden.

"What was that?" Italy asked, shaking.

"A cat, probably." Spain said, not believing it at all. He went to grab his battle axe. Didn't he leave that on the hill? I love not having continuity! "You stay right there, little Italy." He said to the other nation. He left the room. Italy couldn't take the suspense, he went after Spain.

"Don't leave me alone!" Romano whined.

Italy ignored him. He stayed behind Spain, who had his axe ready to swing.

They found Germany standing in the kitchen, picking up broken glass.

"Oh, it's just Germany!" Italy cheered. "We thought you were a burglar."

"No, Italy, don't!" Spain said. Italy went over to Germany and hugged him. Germany hugged back but didn't let go.

"Germany...?" Italy looked at his friend. Germany was looking at Spain.

"What are you-"

"CHI- LET GO OF ME YOU BASTARDS!" They heard Romano scream.

Spain bolted to the room and saw Prussia and Klaus, with his hand back somehow, holding Romano. "I'm not afraid to take more than a hand this time!" Spain threatened.

"You'll have to go through him." Klaus hissed, holding Romano in front of himself.

"He'll live." Spain got ready to throw his weapon.

"Wait, what the fuck are you doing YOU BASTARD DON'T HURT ME!" Romano cried, trying to move away.

"Romano, don't worry, you'll heal!" Spain tried to soothe him.

Germany came from behind and smashed his elbow into the back of Spain's head, knocking him out instantly.

"G-Germany...? Why?" Italy teared up.

"I'm doing this to help us. Spain will live, I promise." Germany said, looking like this physically pained him.

"But, brother Spain did nothing to us." Italy was crying now.

"He's a potato bastard, they don't listen to SHIT!" Romano spat. Klaus shoved him away, landing him face-first into a shelf.

"Gimme, gimme!" Klaus ran to Spain's body, happily picking him up. "Yes... YES!" He laughed evilly.

"The remote?" Prussia asked.

"Not until revenge." Klaus said, beginning to leave.

"I told you, Feliciano, they're all bastards! They do nothing good for us!" Romano hissed. He wiped blood off his face. "That stupid bastard saved me, I should return the favor." He threw himself into Prussia, knocking him over, and then ran toward Klaus, doing a quick jump forward and landing on his hands. Klaus watched with confusion and Romano threw his body into a standing position, his feet landing on Klaus's face and knocking him over painfully. Romano stepped off his face, but lifted his fists. "You want more? Get up!"

"Brother!" Italy gushed.

"How the in the literal hell?!" Germany gasped.

Klaus was too wounded to say anything. Or so WE THOUGHT! Klaus shot his arm out, knocking Romano's legs out from under him. But that was it, the pain of an entire man stepping on him came back and he passed out. Or died. Who knows.

"Get the remote." Germany said.

"But the deal, West!" Prussia hissed.

"Get the remote." Germany said again, ignoring his brother. "It's in his pocket."

Romano got up and took said remote from Klaus's pocket. "What the fuck is this thing?" He asked.

"It's our ticket to freedom." Germany said, snatching it from him. "You'll see when this guy wakes up. We should restrain him."

"Yay to Germany! Yay to brother! Yay to everyone! Except you!" Italy pointed at Prussia.

"But..." Prussia gasped.

? POV

"Everything's going perfectly! We just have to wait until sweet Nikolai is done with them!" An unknown man spoke with giddy excitement, watching everything through a large window.

"Interesting." The other man, his friend if you can call him that, took a drag on his cigarette then blew it out. "I hope this works."

"It will, babe. No doubt! They already got our little weapon."

"You say 'our' and 'we' as if I am a part of this. I'm just watching. The bitch with the croissants, you know?" Another puff of smoke.

"Yes, yes. We're in this together. It will be worth it." The unknown man laughed maniacally. His partner just shrugged. Another day on the job.