Shuichi woke feeling warm and comfortable in a strong embrace. Slowly allowing his eyes to adjust to the bright sunlight streaming he felt the body resting against his quivering, and hot wet droplets hitting his shoulder before cascading down his side to wet the mattress beneath him, and Shuichi's world crashed around him slowly but surely. Shuichi felt every droplet like hot acid burning a hole in his heart, tightening his arms around Ryu, Shuichi tried desperately to stop the tears from leaving his own eyes.

Ryuichi faired no better, he had woken nearly an hour before Shuichi had, and as he laid there listening to that steady heartbeat that echoed into his own, he realized that he was destined to die. How could he seduce Shuichi like he had? And now, now, after all was said and done and they would be heading back to Tokyo, and Shuichi would surely leave him for Eiri Yuki, so Ryuichi did the only thing to ease the ache in his heat. Ryuichi cried. His entire being simply hurt with the pain he knew was coming, Shuichi had promised to try and stay unbroken and in love with Ryu, and Ryuichi knew, from every fucked up experience he'd ever survived through, that things as they were now were much too good to be real, and therefore could not, would not last. And he would die of a broken heart.

Shuichi cried now, along with Ryuichi for what he knew was going to happen. Shuichi knew for a fact the second he saw Yuki all the feeling he had for the man would rush to the surface and overflow making him want to jump Yuki and just stay there forever. And now, after all he'd put Ryuichi and himself through, things would never be the same. And as much as all the thoughts going through his head hurt, he decided to give everything he had left to Ryu. He owed his god that much, he would try, and it would destroy everything he was; slowly, but surely.

Ryuichi heard Shuichi's breathing hitch and then begin again much like his own. Shuichi was crying as well and Ryuichi felt another part of his heart break off and turn to molten hot tears for him to cry. Love wasn't supposed to hurt like this, it just wasn't. Ryuichi wished he could just make all this pain disappear. Shuichi didn't deserve this. He didn't and every little hic and gasp Shuichi made as he cried forced even more tears fill Ryu's eyes.

Shuichi felt Ryuichi tighten his arms around him and did the same without even thinking about it. How could he be so happy and sad at the same time? Scooting himself down, he forced Ryuichi to remove his head from under his chin and face him. Tear stained and scared Shuichi wiped his eyes while Ryu did the same. Taking in a deep gulp of air Shuichi whimpered out something similar to "Why?"

Ryuichi wiped Shuichi's eyes and leaned forward to rub their noses together. "Please Shuichi, just let me pretend. Just pretend. I don't want to think about anything but now. Okay no da?"

Shuichi understood exactly what Ryuichi meant, and it tore his heart in two. Shuichi shook his head and pressed his lips firmly against Ryuichi's before pulling away. "We have to think about it Ryu! We have to!"

Ryuichi shook his head and hid his face against Shuichi's neck again. "But I can't. I can't because after this I don't know what's going to happen to me, and I'm scared Shu-chan! I don't want to die!"

Shuichi felt his heart skip a beat, and more tears fill his eyes. He hugged Ryu harder to his body and pressed butterfly kisses to his hair and forehead. "No Ryu, you can't-" Shuichi took a a deep gasp of air to try and power himself through this. "You have to stay with me! You can't quit this late in the game. You can't…"

Ryuichi looked up from his hiding spot and peered through his matted bangs and Shuichi. "Quit?"

Shuichi peered back through his own tangled bangs. "Yeah. Don't quit. Not now, not when we're this deep in love with each other." Shuichi pulled on Ryu's face so they were resting eye to eye. "Don't quit on me when I know that I won't be able to quit on you."

Ryuichi felt his heart collapse. How many times had he heard this speech, and how desperately he wanted to believe Shu? So desperately, so desperately that he had asked "And if it's all a lie?" before he could stop himself and leaned forward to gently kiss Shuichi before pulling back to stare into those sparkling amethyst eyes.

Shuichi sensed the quick kissed bestowed on him rather than felt it and stared back into Ryuichi's piercing gaze before responding with enough conviction that he had himself believing. "It's not because I need you! This isn't just a love like the one I have for Yuki. I really need you to survive. You're my heartbeat, you can't quit on me now!" Shuichi squeezed his eyes shut and allowed a few more tears to escape.

Ryuichi knew that those words would be either his salvation or his downfall, and for the moment, he was willing to believe Shuichi, and so he did. He realized Shuichi would have no way of knowing that so he did the first thing he that came to his mind; he pulled Shuichi in for what he hoped was a reassuring mind blowing kiss and quickly whispered "I love you." He kissed him again and again often repeating those three little words between kisses.

Shuichi had been nervous when Ryuichi hadn't responded at first, but just as he had been about to open his eyes Ryu's lips had meet his and Ryuichi had whispered that he loved him not just once but over and over and filled him with kisses that varied in length and depth and left Shuichi lighted headed and hungry for more. Ryuichi seemed to understand Shuichi's want and rolled onto his back so Shuichi straddled him.

Ryuichi smirked up at Shuichi who was breathless and gorgeous above him. "Well Shu-chan? You have me underneath you; the rest is all up to yo-"

Shuichi hadn't let Ryu finish by sliding down on Ryu's length in one smooth slick thrust. Throwing his head back Shuichi let out a long throaty moan and looked down at a glaring Ryuichi, who looked so sexy with his hair in disarray and smoldering eyes narrowed to slits.

Shuichi took a moment to smirk. "I told you…" Shuichi pulled himself up off Ryu's length before slamming back down causing Ryuichi to let out a groan, "That I'd ride you for all I'm worth."

Ryuichi threw his head back as Shuichi began bouncing roughly on his lap over and over again. Ryuichi could do nothing but clutch Shuichi's hips as his body tried to thrust back up in time to Shu's rhythm.

Shuichi wasn't helping by talking his time and thoroughly enjoying the groans and half screams that poured from Ryuichi's throat. Determined to see just how many noises he could get his god to make, Shuichi varied his rhythm from short hard thrusts downward to long slow strokes where he squeezed Ryuichi from the inside as hard as he could. Ryuichi never failed to please him and even though he came first, it was during when Ryuichi grabbed his hips, immobilizing him and thrusting upward filling him with Ryuichi in hard fast strokes that hurt and pleased and sent shocks of electricity through his orgasming body that he felt completely and utterly satisfied.

Ryuichi felt the exact same way staring up at a sweaty, screaming, cumming Shuichi that Ryuichi sat up and kissed Shuichi before allowing him to bounce a few more times, wringing the last of everything from both their tired bodies, and then whispering once more into that gasping mouth. "I love you, my Shu-chan. I love you so much."

Shuichi shuddered and pressed himself closer to Ryu and whispered back. "I love you too. I love you too, Ryuichi Sakuma, with everything that I am."

Ryuichi felt happy. He felt loved, and he felt complete. Something he hadn't felt in so long, that now, after all his fears were pushed to the back of his mind, and Shuichi sat atop him, practically beaming love at him, that he could finally feel his body relax and gentle tears cascade down his cheeks. Shuichi leaned down and kissed those small tears away and smiled softly.

"Ryu?"

Ryuichi looked up lazily and felt his heart stop at the look of lust in Shuichi's eyes. He was suddenly all to aware of where his and Shuichi's bodies were still connected. "Yes, Shu-chan?"

"I feel stressed." Shuichi had an almost innocent pout on his face.

Ryuichi ran his hands lightly up those lean thighs and rested them on Shu's hips. "Stressed?"

Shuichi nodded and rocked his hips a little. "Very stressed."

Ryuichi groaned and rocked up just a bit. "What's wrong no da? Anyway I can" Ryuichi could stop the groan that left his lips "help?"

Shuichi slowly, seductively ran his hands down Ryuichi's firm chest, scraping his nails against those sensitive nipples. "You told me we wouldn't go home till I was all relaxed." Shuichi kept rocking back and forth over Ryuichi, god this was so much better than all that cock teasing before, and Ryuichi was so hot inside him. "But yesterday you said we'd go back today." Shuichi thrust down a little harder and groaned as Ryuichi went even harder inside him.

Ryuichi growled and flipped them over and stared down at the flushed face beneath his as Shuichi tried desperately to rock himself onto Ryuichi. "If your stressed Shuichi. Then we should defiantly wait out the week. Thrusting lightly Ryuichi was pleased to see Shuichi's head loll back and a tight groan come from his throat. Smirking Ryuichi pulled out and started for the bathroom. Shuichi sat up and stared at his lover with a mixture of curiosity and frustration.

Ryuichi felt a surge of smug satisfaction fill him. Throwing an almost innocent smile over his shoulder he kept moving calling back to Shuichi "I don't know about you Shu-chan. But I need a nice hot shower, care to conserve water?"

Shuichi felt his eyes go wide and he was off the bed in a heartbeat. Shuichi wrapped himself around a laughing Ryuichi who swung himself in a circle, before plastering Shuichi against the shower wall and thoroughly cleaning him.

Later, as both boys were nearly sated and very content, found Ryuichi and Shuichi lounging on the couch wrap in nothing but a warm blanket, boxers, and each other. Ryuichi kissed Shuichi's chest, directly over his heart and whispered, "Shuichi, am I still your heartbeat?"

Shuichi, who was so very dazed with happiness at the moment, could only stare in confusion at Ryuichi. "What do you mean? How could you not be?"

The smile that Ryuichi responded with was so heartbreakingly sad that Shuichi felt tears fill his eyes, but it was what Ryuichi said that had them spilling down his face in a warm cascade. "I just wanted to make sure that I'd always be a part of you."

Shuichi leaned down to kiss those sweet lips right when Ryuichi's phone, which now blasted 'Welcome to My Romance', was heard from directly under the couch. Ryuichi paid it no mind and continued to kiss Shuichi who, while completely melting under the loving onslaught of a very lovable Ryuichi, tried to grab the phone he could feel vibrating through the couch cushions.

As they broke apart the phone ceased its ringing. Ryuichi smiled, happily this time and reached under the couch to grab his phone just as it let out the little tune that meant he had voice mail. He placed the phone on speaker and pressed play.

"Ryuichi," A very calm voice addressed. "This phone number has been traced; you didn't think I would let this go on for very long did you?" Ryuichi's eyes widened. "Enough of your silly games with Shindou, we both know he's nothing but a toy for you. Something you'll get tired of playing with, after all, it's happened before." Ryuichi glared now at the smooth sound of one Tohma Seguchi's voice continued to fill the air. "So I'm going to give you just one more day to get whatever this is out of your system and then I'm sending K to get you. Don't bother calling back; I'm not changing my mind." A slight chuckle was heard from Tohma before they could hear him smirking into the phone, "Shindou-san, I do hope you're enjoying yourself, because as clichés go, you reap what you sow." An audible click and Ryuichi and Shuichi were left staring at the phone.

"I reap what I sow?" Shuichi felt his heart sinking, what had Seguchi meant? And Ryuichi's games? Did that mean all this was a lie?

Ryuichi on the other hand was furious, absolutely furious. How dare Tohma pull this kind of stunt on him, and not only on him, but in Shuichi as well. This time, Ryuichi could feel his blood boiling, this time Tohma went too far. Ryuichi turned to Shuichi and was meet with nothing but the insecure gaze of one very scared Shuichi Shindou. Ryuichi slowly reached out to cup Shuichi's chin only for Shuichi to fall backward, away from him.

"Shu-chan?"

Shuichi shook his head. "What did Seguchi mean?"

Ryuichi didn't want Shuichi to see his gaze harden or his fist clench so he turned his back and glared into the air, "Remember how I mentioned all my ex lovers? They were games to me, every single fucking one of them." He could hear and feel Shuichi's breathing hitch. "I didn't love them. I never will." Steeling himself he turned to see a silently crying Shuichi. "But you, my sweet, sweet Shu-chan, I love enough to die for."

Shuichi stood on shaky legs and backed up until he was leaning against a wall. Ryuichi's entire body was tense and strained. Looking just a bit closer Shuichi could see his muscles quivering and shaking with anger. "I-I-"

Ryuichi turned around and stopped Shuichi dead in his tracks. "Do you love me?"

Shuichi was scared, so very scared. Ryuichi wasn't the same, he was angry, and something told Shuichi that as safe as he knew he would be, it was better to please than argue. "Of course."

Ryuichi seemed to growl before crossing the room and leaning very close to Shuichi's warm body. Shuichi couldn't stop himself from flinching. As soon as he did, he felt Ryuichi's body leave. He opened his eyes to see Ryu pulling on his pants and a shirt. Shuichi watched in mixed horror and curiosity as his god pulled on his boots and turned to stare hard at the floor in front of Shuichi's feet. He didn't look angry anymore so much as sad, and alone. "Let's get out of here. We'll leave before Tohma can come get us."

It clicked then, what had Ryuichi looking so dejected. He hadn't believed Shuichi we he'd said he loved him, not that Shuichi believed himself as he was scared out of his wits, but Shuichi did love Ryuichi, he did. Slowly, as if approaching something or one who could do him some serious harm, Shuichi walked toward Ryuichi. Just as he got close enough to be practically touching he saw the tears in Ryu's downcast eyes. Shuichi, so very unsure of himself, reached up as slowly and gently as he could and cupped Ryuichi's face in his palms. Those hot tears fell from those deep sapphire eyes.

Ryuichi simply stared at Shuichi, twice, twice he had let himself believe that Shuichi would chose him, and once again he felt all those hopes and beliefs vanishing with the tears streaming down his face. Shuichi leant forward and hid his face in the junction of Ryuichi's neck and shoulder as he wrapped his arms around Ryu's neck. Ryuichi made no move to stop him, and yet didn't allow himself to return the simple hug, he couldn't.

Shuichi, who was surrounded by the warm scent of Ryuichi, whispered as softly and gently as he could, "I don't want to go back, not now; not after all I've been through. Disappear from the face of this planet Ryuichi, and take me with you."

"Why? We both know how all this is going to end."

Shuichi shook his head and felt his chest tighten. "I don't want it to end that way. It can't, I won't let it. I love you Ryuichi Sakuma!"

Ryuichi limply wrapped his arms around Shuichi's waist. Slowly, so very slowly, he began to dance with Shuichi. "But it already has ended Shu-chan. No matter how much we love each other."

Shuichi molded his entire body against Ryuichi's and whispered against the smooth skin of his lovers' neck, "But I don't just love you. I'm in love with you. I don't think I can go on if you're not with me."

Ryuichi buried his face in strawberry hair and inhaled the sweet scent of the shampoo Shuichi used earlier. "Oh my Shu-chan, my darling Shu-chan!" Ryuichi pulled Shuichi's pliable body more firmly against himself and continued the slow dance. This time though, he sang, a song that Shuichi had never heard before, but broke his heart all the same.

"Oh Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling

From glen to glen, and down the mountain side

The summers gone, and all the leaves are dying

'Tis you, 'tis you must go and I must bide.

But come ye back when summer's in the meadow

Or when the valley's hushed and white with snow

'Tis I'll be here in sunshine or in shadow

Oh Danny boy, oh Danny boy, I love you so.

And if you come, when all the leaves are dying

And I am dead, as dead I well may be

You'll come and find the place where I am lying

And kneel and say an "Ave" there for me.

And I shall hear, tho' soft you tread above me

And all my dreams will warm and sweeter be

And you'll kneel and tell me that you love me

I'll simply sleep in peace until you come to me."

He gently kissed the top of Shuichi's head.

"I'll simply sleep in peace until you come to me."

Shuichi held on tighter, and cried into the arms if the man he truly felt he loved most.

Ryuichi kissed the top of Shuichi's head again and pulled that face up to meet his own. He kissed those sweet lips and breathed against them, "I mean it Shu-chan. I love you so much, too much to hurt you."

Shuichi kissed Ryuichi and breathed back, "Then stay with me."

Ryuichi's heart tightened painfully, but he kissed those sweet lips again. Before singing once more, "Oh my sweet, sweet Shuichi, I love you so."

Their lips meet again and this time, though both still had their doubts and fears, neither broke away. Shuichi's fingers curled in Ryuichi 's hair and Ryuichi's hands tightened on Shuichi's hips, and they held on to each other, finding what solace they could as they awaited the soul shattering wake up call headed their way.

Hours later, as they lay cuddled to one another in bed, nothing but each other and the sheets to cover themselves Shuichi kissed Ryuichi's pulse point, "My heartbeat."

"Forever and ever, my Shuichi, I will always be your heartbeat, forever and ever, and longer than that."

Shuichi's heart swelled and he kissed Ryuichi again before settling under his chin. "All mine."

Ryuichi smiled against Shuichi's pink hair. "All yours."

'One day, just one, and this fairytale will end. Please, love me even as it ends, and our doubts and fears eat us alive.' Shuichi cuddled closer and Ryuichi held him tighter. 'Because I'll never stop loving you.'

as an "I'm sorry!" for having the last chapter so short, i made this one long!!

i rock! anyway. this chapter is dedicated to my buddie. i love her so. and the song, although is weird, is really pretty and i can so imagine ryuichi singing it softly...

-in a happy place- any way please review! its my caffiene to keep going! and i didn't really get any last time. it made me sad, but i'm good! peace

bud- oh wait. check out my myspace. its my home page on my profile.

okay.

buddy