…

SNEERING PIGS

"Lena!" someone called from behind me. I stopped on my way outside with Kurt and Guthrie, turning back. A red-headed woman bounded towards me. "How's your arm?"

"It's good thanks." I smiled, nodding at Kurt and Guthrie to go on.

"It's been just over two weeks. I think I should do a check up."

"Would you mind?"

"No, of course not!" Hanji showed her teeth and led me away. Upon reaching her room, she waved to a seat and began to untie my sling. "Does it hurt any more?"

"Only if I move it a lot. Look, I can do this!" Moving my arm centimetres up and down, I beamed. This was progress for me.
"The swelling has reduced a lot," Hanji nodded, inspecting the now only slightly green patch on my arm. "It's healing really well. At this rate, you may be healed in six weeks."

"Six weeks from now?"

"No, six weeks in total. So you're almost half-way, Lena."

"Ahhh," I sighed happily, closing my eyes. "That'd be nice."

"Maybe you'll have time to show your skills and get into Levi's squad."

"Levi's squad?"

"He's forming a new squad under Erwin's orders. To protect Eren again."

"Really?" I mused, raising an eyebrow. "I wonder who he'll choose."
"You have a good chance. Didn't you come third in your intake?" Hanji said, gently feeling along my arm.

"Me?!" I scoffed. "No way. I've not even been on an expedition yet." I couldn't see Hanji's face, but when she didn't respond I felt like I needed to continue. "Plus, we're not exactly on good terms right now."

"Ho?" She said, surprised. There was a tinge of gossip-lust in her tone. "What happened?"
"A lot." I said vaguely. "He did something stupid and then did something even stupider to cover it up, when it only made it worse."

"Stupid?" Hanji laughed. "Levi?! Well, well. I didn't know those two words went together."

"He's a man. Of course those words go together."

"Although, Lena," she said, retying the bandage on my arm. "They say that people are stupider when they're in love." If she had expected me to become flustered and innocent, it didn't happen.

"Don't even go down that road." I sighed. "He admitted that he doesn't like me that way."

"So you like him?"

"No, that wasn't what I meant." Okay, now I was blushing.

"What did you mean then?"

"Well, s-something happened and he just made sure I didn't take it the wrong way."

"What happened?" Hanji pressed and I could feel the bandage tightening. I avoided her scarily shaded eyes and focused on a space to my left. "Come on, Lena." She whispered. "Tell me."

"N-no."
"Why not?"
"I can't."

"Did he... kiss you?" Bullseye; right through the heart; shattered through the truth and out the other side. With my shocked expression combined with my silence, I guessed that confirmed it for her. "Ooh Levi! What a sneaky devil!"

"Hanji, please don't say anything-"

"I won't." She promised. "But how did it happen?" I could tell from this short experience that Hanji was like a Jack Russell; once she got hold of something she liked the taste of, she wasn't about to let it go. I sighed in resignation.

"It was an accident. It was muddy and I slipped. When I tried to get off from him, he kissed me. But after a while he stopped and told me to 'forget about it'."

"Ouch."

"Then later he told me that he only did it because he was depressed. He wasn't in his right mind."
"And does that sound like Levi?" Hanji raised a sceptical eyebrow.

"... Not really."

"And can you imagine Levi easily admitting his love and getting a girlfriend and getting married and... you get the idea."

"... Well, no. He's a socially awkward bastard. I bet he doesn't even believe love exists."
"Exactly!" Hanji announced, like we had reached an answer to the meaning of life. "Lena, don't get disheartened. You've got to break through more than one barrier to get to Levi."

"I suppose... wait, why is everyone giving me love advice? It's not like I-"
"Don't say it!" Hanji shook her head, vehemently. "Please don't do that. I can't deal with two idiots." Hanji had long since finished tying my sling, so I stood to leave. At this point, Hanji stepped in front of me and rested her hands gently on my shoulders. "Only you can do it." She said. Wow, I felt like the world had been put on my shoulders. "Good luck, Lena." With that, she pushed me from her room and shut the door.

I didn't even know what had just happened. Had I admitted it? Did I actually... No, it was far to early to say something like that. I had only known him two or so weeks. Yet, all this Levi advice- first Kurt, then Hanji- had spurred me onwards. I wasn't going to accept what Levi said as the truth. Because, maybe, he didn't know the truth himself.

…

LEVI-

My head was pounding like tiny demons were hammering at my skull and drilling through to my brain. This headache had been building and building; at first, I had ignored it; now it was stopping me from functioning properly. My throat stung and every breath scratched at it, only making it worse.

But I didn't have time for a cold.

"Are you off to train again, heichou?" someone called as I ambled down the corridor in my shorts and t-shirt. I grunted and carried on walking; conversations gave me a headache at the best of times. I strode from HQ and picked up speed slightly to a jog, heading out away from people. There was a route beside the trees that took you between two hills and over to the walls. It followed a river. This was my normal route, lasting around an hour at normal speed; I wasn't in the mood for normal speed.

Oxygen transformed into a drug and I breathed it in quickly, savouring the feeling of it inflating my lungs. Chest rising and falling with increasing frequency, I began to run as soon as my muscles had warmed up. A flock of sheep blocked my path as I exited legion territory into the surrounding farmlands. They ran out of the way, scuttling down the hillside as the path I was running on began to climb. My headache hadn't gone- it still throbbed like a bitch. I scowled through it, squinting into the musky light as clouds passed over the sun again. I didn't particularly hate rain, but I longed for this period of darkness to end.

I was panting now, breath coming in rapid rasps snapping my ribs in and out. I met the stream and followed it to the river below, picking up pace as I began to descend. It was peaceful; no one was around. Only I knew this path; only I used it. Having something this beautiful as my own felt precious... but I was greedy. Something like this, which would soon be discovered and infiltrated by humans, was not enough. I wanted the outside world first. I wanted to be the first.

The wall appeared on the horizon and I twisted away from the stream to head towards it. Moist grass fed droplets of water between my toes as it crept into my shoe. Sweat had began to pop out on my skin and my headache had still not subsided. In fact, it was worse. I had ignored it for as long as I could, but now the pounding was driving me mad. The pain forced my eyes shut and I wondered if in fact, it was a migraine. Soon my breath was horse though- it must be a cold.

I coughed up something nasty and spat it out onto the grass, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand before wincing. Fucking dirty. The land opened out and cleared of everything: no trees, no buildings. Just one huge, unforgiving wall that barricaded me from freedom.

An hour later of running and I was exhausted. Lactic acid clogged up my muscles, slowing them down until I was running through syrup. The air was thick, refusing to enter my lungs as I gasped for breath. I felt dizzy. Something was definitely wrong. A run like this was usually wasn't that hard. Right now, it would be a miracle if I made it back without walking.

But I pushed on.

There was no way I was going to walk; I wasn't that ill. There was a saying I always loved: if you're ill, exercise will kill you or cure you. I suppose this time, exercise was not the remedy for my cold. In fact, as headquarters came into sight, I felt like my legs were going to collapse under me. Breathe, I told myself. This isn't hard.

Sparks appeared in my vision, pulling a blanket of darkness into the corner of my eyes. Soon, everything went black.

…

"I heard Levi collapsed!" someone panted, bursting into the room I was in. My eyelids were heavier than lead, refusing to move. I was still confused: where was I; how did I get here; what happened; what day was it?

"He's fine." Someone else interjected calmly. "He's ill, but it's not severe. He just forced his body too much." Then, her voice changed. "Bastard. Why does he have to worry us?!"

"Where did he collapse? How long ago?"

"About an hour ago, one of the soldiers came running to me looking like the building was burning down. He explained that Levi was on the ground near the woods but he was scared to move him. I took him back here and he hasn't woken since." I felt the world fading out again as I drifted back to sleep. My unconscious called to me.

"And it's just a cold?"

"Yeah. Earlier, I noticed him coughing a lot. He hides it well, even to himself. This happened once before actually. No one knew he was ill until the next minute, he was throwing up all over the floor. Needless to say, he wasn't impressed with himself."

"Phew."

"By the way, have you spoken to him yet?"

"Of course not. It was only this morning we had that conversation."

"If you wait here by his side, then you can use your femininity when he wakes up."

"To do what?"

"You know, act the wife. 'Levi-kuuun, don't push yourself!' And then lean over him to place a wet towel on his head."

"He won't like that. The water drops will dirty the sheets."

"Ahh, good point. Then feed him soup!"

"No."

Taking a deep breath, I forced my eyes open. Strength refilled my body with every breath. I noticed that I was in my room, but there were others there too. Two women who had noticed me waking and were now sat staring at me. Sitting up, I glared unintentionally at them; this was unintentional because the headache was causing me to squint in the light.

"Lena. Hanji. "I noticed.

"Gooooood morning~" Hanji chimed, bounding over to me and leaning forward. "How are you feeling, sleeping beauty."

"You're polluting my air. Get lost."

"Why are you always so horrible when you're ill?" Hanji whined.

"Why are you in my room? Again?" I ignored her, scowling at Lena. Lena pouted back.

"Fine. Sorry for worrying." She said, looking away angrily. I swung my legs from the bed and ignored the stars glittering in my vision.

"Ah ah," Hanji shook her head and placed her hand on my chest. "Rest, or you'll just embarrass yourself again."

Damn her. I thought. She knows how to persuade me.

I decided to do what she said, moving the pillows so that I could sit upright, gladly swallowing the water on my beside table.

"You can leave. I'm fine."

"I've got nothing better to do." Lena shrugged. "They're doing physical training."

"When are you going to start physio? Or are you too lazy?"

"She'll start it when the sling is off." Hanji interjected. "You can't rush the human body, as you found out."

"Shut it." I hissed, the headache reappearing. All I wanted was for them to leave so that I could get my head straight... Was for Lena to leave so that my eyes wouldn't be drawn to her... so that I wouldn't say something stupid.

I was such a bastard. I'd told her that I had used her.

"Lena, make sure he doesn't leave this room." Hanji smiled. Before I could order her to leave, Hanji grinned further. "I've already asked Erwin's permission to have you locked in here. Keheh."

"You're all such..." I almost swore.

"Wait, Hanji-" Lena began to panic, stepping to stop the mad scientist; the door was already shut; we were alone; I sighed heavily.

We were both quiet as time dragged by. Lena took a chair and sat by the window. I watched her out of my peripheral vision, noticing as she twisted a curl of her pony tail with one hand. Ever since Ava had passed away, Lena hadn't worn her hair in plaits.

"Why do you wear your hair like that?" she was surprised at my question, turning slightly to look at me. Her eyes shone and her irises were the usual chocolate brown. I hated sweet things... but those chocolate eyes I would gladly consume.

"I can't do it with one hand." she sighed. I paused.

"I'll do it."

"What?"

"I can tie plaits." I shrugged. Lena's lip twitched.

"How do you know how to do something like that?"

"Why shouldn't I?" I replied. "Besides, it makes things neater and it isn't difficult." Lena regarded me, before nodding.

"Okay."

"Come here then; bring a chair." I instructed, sitting on the edge of the bed and waiting as she moved her chair in front of me, lowering herself with her back to me. Her neck was exposed before me as her hair moved to one side. I took it between my fingers, lifting it and combing it softly. I made sure not to tug to hard as I began to twist her hair, plaiting it from the very roots.

"Ava always said my hair was very soft." she said quietly.

"Mm." Yes it was. It felt like she had never been outside- as soft as a baby's hair from top to tip. The colour was magnificent.

Upon closer inspection, it wasn't even a light brown. It was a rainbow of colours from blonde to almost black. The majority of it was light brown, tumbling just past shoulder length. When I came to the end of her hair, I wished it was longer. Wrapping around the bobble, I pretended to fix the sides to make it neater. She was still quiet, breathing gently in the silence. Her neck was exposed to me again now that her hair was tied up. I traced my fingers around her hair line, then moved them to the base of her neck. She became rigid.

"What are you doing?"

"You know, Lena..." I muttered, stoking her shoulders. "I didn't use you."

"P-pardon?"

"When I said that it was just because you were there..." My fingers ran along her jawline and touched her lips, before retreating back to her neck. Her head twisted away from my cold touch, but the hair on the back of her neck stood on end. "It was because I couldn't control myself."

"What are you saying?" she was nervous. I was making her nervous. I didn't know how I felt about that. I hated that she cared so much about what I said; I could hurt her with one wrong word... but I loved that what I was doing was setting her nerves alight.

"I'm saying that..." My hands wandered to her hips and I rested my head on her shoulder. "I'm sorry."

"Are you... are you delirious?" My hands immediately snapped away from her and I moved back.

"What?" Now I was confused.

"Is this because you're ill?"

"W-what?!" I was taken-a-back. What the hell was she saying? Suddenly, my headache began to return.

"When we kissed, you said you were sorry. You just said it again." Lena stood up from the chair and span around. Her eyes were wide and confused. "Why can't you give me a straight answer?!"

"I-"

"Don't mess with me!" She yelled and I felt cornered. What had I done wrong now? "Don't kiss me and forget. Don't kiss me and apologise. Don't apologise and ignore me. Don't tell me you've used me, then suddenly say you haven't. I hate this!" Lena stamped her foot in frustration and looked away. "Why can't you give me a straight answer?!"

A straight answer? What was that? 'I love you?'... I couldn't say that. Someone like me didn't love; it would only end in tragedy. Besides, she didn't deserve someone like me. When I looked up, Lena was still staring at me expectedly. I guessed that she wanted an answer now.

"I can't." I admitted.

"You..." Her eyes lowered. "You can't give me a straight answer?"

"No."

"Then don't play around with me please." With that, she stormed over to the door and slammed it behind her.

I had done something stupid again.

LENA-

I was pissed. I was so pissed. Yet again, he'd managed to mess with my head. I didn't want to be someone he could kiss and touch whenever he felt like it, then abuse and ignore the next. It drove me up the wall because he'd raise my hopes, then shatter them into fractures.

I was pissed. I had nothing to do and nowhere to go, so all I could do was wander the halls and hope I didn't bump into him. I stormed outside and kicked the grass as I walked.

"Lena, wait!" someone yelled. Hell, if it was Levi I was going to-

"Guthrie! What are you doing here?"

"Wow!" Said man stepped backwards from my glare. "What happened?"

"Don't ask." I huffed. "What are you doing here?"

"I twisted my ankle so Stein said to head back and rest it, rather than aggravate it."

"Oh." I continued to walk, not willing to start up a conversation in my current mood. He walked beside me, clearly with different intentions.

"Do you want to go for a walk? We have ages."

"Where?"

"I'll take you into town." Guthrie smiled gently, taking my arm and leading me in the opposite direction. I let him, figuring I had nothing better to do.

Guthrie made small talk about what I had missed as we walked. I answered with monotonous, one word replies, yet he still persisted.

"And Kurt really pissed off Luann. He mentioned that his parents were from a better background because she's always treating others like they're lower than her. Now he keeps calling her a commoner and she nearly hit him earlier."

"Sounds like Kurt." I said.

"Then he was singing as loud as he could during paired exercises 'where is your boy tonight?'"

"Aha."

"It drove her up the wall because she knew he was talking about Levi." Guthrie smiled to himself, but his smile froze quickly. "Okay, you need to tell me what's up." His tone suddenly hardened and he looked at me, a serious expression on his face.

"Nothing."

"Liar."

"I'm just annoyed."

"About what?" Guthrie pressed. I rolled my eyes and grunted.

"Nothing, just leave it."

"It's clearly not nothing!"

"It's nothing I want to talk to you about." I said, faintly regretting it. He narrowed his eyes and looked away, annoyance creasing his brow. As we neared town, he still refused to speak to- or even look at- me. Minutes dragged by and he still remained in his mini tantrum.

Guthrie had always been the person with the most common sense in our friendship group, staying calm longer than me, who was generally very calm (excluding anything that revolved around one unmentionable guy), whilst sorting out any arguments between us. He was the solid oak of assurance whilst the rest of us were running around like our legs were on fire... specifically, Kurt, who stressed so much at the tiniest thing and once actually set his trousers on fire. For him to get annoyed, I must have done something wrong.

We moved into the town where previously markets had busied the streets. The last time I had been here, it'd been packed full of people like bees in a hive. That atmosphere compared to the quiet area now was like comparing black to white. I heard footsteps behind me and flinched.

"Mama, can Andy come over to play?" A child scuttled past. Just a child. Nothing more.

"Of course, honey. When would you like?"

We strolled past the alleyway where it had happened. Guthrie didn't seem to notice me switch sides to walk towards the centre of the street. I didn't like the look of all the gloomy alleyways cutting off from both sides, sticking close to Guthrie. I felt safe behind him, since his mere size was enough to ward off most pick-pockets and thieves. Whilst thinking this as strongly as I could, I tried to convince myself that the man walking towards us was not a threat. I was just paranoid. He would walk straight past and-

"Hey, girl," The man came close and blocked my path. Immediately, I grabbed Guthrie's sleeve and pressed myself into his side. "Sorry to scare you, do you know how I can get to this street?" The man gestured to the name on a piece of paper. My breath rushed out in relief. Guthrie signalled to the man where to go, casting me a confused glance as I lessened my grip on him and reluctantly pulled away. As we were left alone again, Guthrie finally broke his tantrum to speak to me.

"You've been really tense. Are you okay?"

"S-sorry... He just startled me."

"You're sweating."

"You shouldn't say that to a girl!" I laughed falsely. "We don't sweat, we glisten."

"Glisten or glow, you have been acting strange."

"Look, can we drop it?"

"No. I'm frustrated." He said, folding his arms.

"What? Why?"

"You've become so close to Levi that you don't speak to us any more. You don't tell us what's on your mind."

"I do!" I protested, hinting to the morning's escapade with Kurt and the whole 'make men fall to your feet!' discussion.

"You don't. You won't tell me what's wrong even though something is clearly upsetting you! I'm pissed that you pick that bastard over us!"

"I don't!" I was utterly astounded. This was the first time I had argued with Guthrie properly. I couldn't even comeback his arguments.

"Then tell me now!" he said, gently holding my shoulders as I suddenly became self-conscious of others around us. "Please." he added, his eyes softening so I couldn't resist his honesty and kindness.

"The thing is..." I began, looking away and feeling a tinge of red taint my cheeks. "The last time I came here, I was mugged."

"What?!" he exclaimed, eyes wide. "You came alone? When?"

"It was a few weeks ago." I shrugged. "They only took my money."

"But-... why-...?" Eventually, he sighed and released my shoulders. "Why didn't you just tell us? Tell me?"

"I..." Avoiding his eyes, I swallowed. He sighed again, shaking his head. Then, he did something I wasn't expecting. He slipped his hand into mine and placed the other hand on my chin to force me to look up to him- woah, he was tall. "G-guthrie," I began, but he stopped me.

"Since you've told me that... I have a secret to tell you too."

"A secret?"

"Listen, Lena. You mean the world to me. The way you lost everything and can still smile; the way you're so whimsical and do things on impulse; the way you can joke around when everyone else is panicking... I could go on forever."

Oh no. What is this? Please no- not this.

"I love you, Lena." Oh. This... What the hell do I do now? "I know, you probably like Levi. But, you deserve better. Please reconsider. Even if it's not me, please don't cause yourself harm and-"

"Stop!" I yelled, squeezing my eyes shut. "Stop, stop, stop! I have too much on my mind right now! I can't give you an answer... I'm sorry!" The fluster I felt made me stammer and ramble. He looked at me sadly.

"Alright." He said. "But, I will ask you again. So please, have an answer ready for me."

Aaaaaand that basically sums up the awkward walk back. If I had thought it had been quiet walking there, walking back was even worse- ten times worse. Twenty times worse. Still, I couldn't help but mull over all the thoughts flying around in my head, whilst trying to capture and order them. Levi, Levi, Guthrie, Levi, Guthrie, Levi, Levi.

"I can't give you an answer." Twice those words had appeared in my life today. The first time, Levi had said them to me and they had driven me up the wall, across the ceiling and back again. The next time, I had said them. Knowing how it felt to be on the receiving end of those words pained me; it left you stranded and uncertain. Who was in the wrong? If I had said the same words that I had despised before, I was a hypocrite. Maybe I had overreacted.

All I knew was that now, finally, I had my answer. I could sort out this uneasiness in my chest... for now.

…

"Levi!"

I was running, albeit awkwardly since I was trying not to jolt my arm out of habit, through the corridors of HQ. I had my answer, but Levi was not there. He wasn't in his room doing paperwork; he wasn't in any of the usual places. I crashed through Hanji's door, then back out again, thundering down the hallways in search of him.

"Hey, Lena!"

"Sorry, Hanji, I'm in a rush!"

Seriously, this place was too big. It was stupidly hard to avoid Guthrie and search for Levi. It didn't seem like Guthrie's injury was serious and he'd probably sleep it off, which was good for me as it meant I wouldn't be bumping into him all the time. We had parted ways as soon as we had returned, as I used the convenient excuse that I needed the toilet.

"Levi!" I called again.

"Which brat is being so damn loud?" I stopped abruptly as the very man I was looking for slammed open a door and glared out. He saw me and raised his eyebrows.

"S-sorry, I need to speak with you."

"It'll have to wait." He dismissed, about to disappear back into the room again.

"Hey wait! Don't be rude!" I marched over to him and grabbed the door before he could shut it.

"Brat, do you know where you are?!" Levi hissed. I peered around the door and gasped. "I'm in a meeting with the commander! Get lost!"

"I am so sorry!" I bowed to the commander, flustered. He simply nodded as I retreated away quickly. The door closed in front of me. "Oooh shit."

I hovered at the staircase waiting for Levi to finish his meeting, imagining the commander scorching mental black marks against my name. I hadn't even had the chance to do anything useful before I had gotten injured, then I was screaming and running down corridors... Good one, Lena.

Just then, Levi exited the commander's office and strode over to me.

"What is it, Hertz?" Ouch, last name terms.

"I came to apologise."

"For which part of your life? Or just your existence?" Double ouch.

"I may have overreacted this morning. I'm sorry." I said, lowering my head. He regarded me, but still said nothing. This compelled me to continue. "Take your time giving me an answer. Whatever it is, I'll take it, Levi."

"It's corporal." Levi said, still glaring at me coldly. I shivered under his stare. He sighed, kneading two fingers into his temple.

"Are you still feeling ill?"

"What's it to you?"

"Really, why did I even apologise." I grunted, swiftly turning away and marching down the stairs.

"Wait, Lena." He called, somewhat reluctantly. "We'll speak again later. I'll give you an answer."

"I wait with baited breath." I snorted sarcastically. But, in actual fact, I felt a small bit of nausea at the prospect of his answer. I walked away, cursing the turn of events recently in my life.

It all started with that stupid horse.

.

AN:

It started with a horse, how did it end up like this. I was only a horse. It was only a horse.

* laughs at own joke *

Yeah, my life is getting busy and so I'm struggling to update half as regularly... but on a positive note, I've made up for those previous short chapters with an extra large edition;) But seriously if it takes too long to update, I may start doing a recap paragraph at the start of each chapter.

So many Fall Out Boy references in this story. Probably due to my jealousy of everyone who went to see FOB and The Pretty Reckless... Grr.

But omgomgomg apparently SNK season 2 is out soon?! And deathnote remake! Woop!

Thanks for reading! And reviewing! And reading this pointless AN!