The Sake was a tempting idea but Haru didn't give in to it and it was brushed to the back of his mind. He sat on his couch, fresh from the shower and trying to watch television and trying to relax.
He noticed his phone on the table and picked it up to see if there was any contact from his friends. From Rin. However sitting there for a week, it had died so he had to rise and put it on the charger.
Sighing, Haru brushed a hand through his hair as he headed into the kitchen for a bottle of water. His throat felt parched and he didn't understand why but the cool liquid hitting him gave him a sense of comfort.
Standing there in his sweatpants and t-shirt, Haru stared at the fridge and recalled Rin pinning him against it. He had been so close and he had smelled so good and he had been so insistent and his lips. Haru will never forget that first kiss and how his heart had jumped into his throat and how much he had wanted it to happen.
He had always felt heat when Rin was that close. Even back in high school when he was angry and had pinned him to the fence but then again that was all together different because Rin had not been trying to convince Haru to sleep with him back then.
Haru couldn't bring himself to feel any kind of anger towards Rin. He was male and he had been curious, curious as hell. There was no way Haru would've been able to resist even though he had tried to. He knew no good would come from it. Well that wasn't entirely true.
Haru jumped spilling his water down the front of his shirt as he realized someone was tapping on his front door rather insistently. Was it Rin? God, he was pathetic with how much he wanted it to be him on the other side of that door.
But it turned out to be Makoto and maybe that was a good thing. Maybe he could talk about it.
"Where have you been?" He sounded concerned like Haru has disappeared off the face of the earth. "You usually tell someone when you leave."
"It was a last minute business trip." Haru muttered sounding as if he didn't care about anything as usual. Sounding as if everything was fine but of course, this was Makoto and he knew better.
"What is wrong?"
"Nothing." Everything. Okay maybe he wasn't ready to talk about it after all. Something so intimate was private. It was just between him and Rin. It was just sex. Just sex. Why did he have to keep making a big deal out of it?
"You sure?" Makoto said, raising a brow but also somehow sensing that Haru didn't want to actually go there. "Haru?"
"Yes. Don't worry, I am a grown man. I will be fine. I'm just fine."
Makoto just looked at him for a minute and seemed to decide to just drop it and let Haru be. "Well listen, there is a reason I came. We are getting together tomorrow night. Everyone will be there."
Haru nodded, he could use the distraction of his friends. "Where at?"
"Nagisa's. His wife is out of town and so we are having a guy's night."
Haru had a very faint smile, parties were always at his lively friend's house. Always laid back and the life of the party. Maybe being around his friends especially his hyper friend would distract him and cheer him up.
"See you then."
"Yeah and Haru, try to take it easy?" Was it really so obvious? Then again, this was Makoto and sometimes he could read Haru's mood rather well. He had backed off a little over the years as they had matured with time but he was still, he still almost always knew when something was amiss.
Going a bit stir crazy just sitting at home the next day, Haru opted to arrive early to Nagisa's and ended up helping with the food.
"Haru-chan, you always were the best cook." Nagisa mumbled through a mouth that was full of what he kept saying was his taste testing but Haru knew better and chuckled softly. Nagisa had always loved to eat, especially sweets. He really did feel some of his tension leave his body and for that he was grateful.
Friends arrived slowly one by one, this time Rei had made it and so had Makoto but no Rin. Maybe that was for the best because Haru wasn't sure if or how he might deal with seeing him.
They ended up playing cards, Nagisa loved to place bets and Haru had lost some money but he was having a nice time. For once he was actually not thinking about Rin.
"Where is Rin-chan?" Nagisa said as he looked over at the clock. "Is he not coming?"
Makoto raised his head and followed Nagisa's eyes to the clock as well. "He had to work so he will be here in a while."
All the air was being sucked from the room. For some reason, Rin coming had not dawned on Haru. Maybe because before when he had been gone, it had just been the four of them hanging out for years. Haru looked at the door and felt heat rise in his neck.
He wanted to see him but at the same time, he wasn't ready. Haru rose and left the room to retrieve more snacks. He grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and tossed his head back because he had that same dry feeling in his throat.
The doorbell rang, Nagisa cheerfully pounced across the floor and opened it, soon pulling Rin into a hug as if he had not seen him in ages. "You came, Rin-chan." Rin chuckled softly and ruffled Nagisa's hair as his eyes scanned the room. Haru stood in the doorway of the kitchen, drinking in the view of Rin and closing his eyes for a moment. Swallowing hard before getting his body to move back into the room.
Their eyes met, the look in Rin's was strangely unreadable but he had stopped his soft laughter at the sight of Haru and he was biting his lower lip.
Haru had to look away because he felt a shiver from seeing that and he did not want to think about that night when he was surrounded by his friends.
Pretend. Breathe. Everything is fine. Haru sat between Nagisa and Rei while Rin ended up across from him at the small card table.
Even that was a bit too close, Haru took a hug gulp of water as he felt a heat surge up his collar. How could be feel desire at a time like this? It was insane.
"What are you guys up to?" Rin muttered as he gazed in Nagisa's direction.
"Cards. Bets. Ready to lose, Rin-chan?" Nagisa seemed to be on some natural high because lady luck was with him and had been all evening so far. He had won the majority of the rounds and that was probably why he had such confidence. Not that he was ever really much of any sort of chicken. He was always the first to do crazy things like skinny dipping or dancing on a table if he was drunk. Always had been the life of the party, especially during his college days.
Rin chuckled softly again, as his eyes moved to Haru and he was biting his lip again. "I never back down from a challenge."
Nagisa slapped Rin on the back before he sat down and muttered excitedly. "Same ole Rin-chan!"
Rin was rubbing his back and soon the games continued. During which, Haru and Rin kept locking eyes from time to time and every single time Haru thought he was going crazy. He could swear Rin was looking at him like he wanted to devour him but he also had other things briefly fly acorss his face that were what looked like confusion.
Haru inwardly grew a little irritated. First at himself for letting it get to him. Letting his mind wander off and hope for things to happen again. He had never felt such annoying tension and he hated how vulnerable and pathetic it was making him feel.
He didn't dare leave the room, at least not on his own. He didn't want to take a chance of being alone with Rin. Too much risk involved. Too much idiocy on his own part. One minute he wanted to confront Rin. One minute he wanted to kiss him and another he wanted to just leave.
This was fucking crazy and how was he supposed to go on being friends with a man that he wanted to touch so bad. If his body remembered when he was alone, it was worse when Rin was so close. So close but yet so far. Yet again.
Just like high school but ten times worse.
Haru kept chugging his water as if that really helped, okay it did a little. But it was soon empty and his need to distract himself from Rin caused him to forget his need to avoid him as he rose to get another drink from the fridge.
Rin followed him as if on queue, or at least it felt far too convenient that he chose to get up at the exact same time. Haru turned to leave the small kitchen and froze as his blue eyes locked on Rin's. He cleared his throat and acted as normal as he could. He couldn't do what he wanted which was to pin Rin against the damn fridge like he had done to Haru and ravish his damn mouth.
Clearing his throat, Haru needed to pass Rin but was a little stuck in place by the heat he could swear he felt coming from those eyes as Rin so obviously gave him a once over.
"I need a drink." Rin muttered and passed right by Haru like it was nothing. Like that had not touched in the most intimate way that not long ago. Haru felt frustration course throat his body and wondered if the heat was one sided. He was such an idiot. Rin had made it clear that it was one time. That, that he was merely curious.
Haru returned to the room, swallowing as he sat down and focusing more on the conversation at hand. His heart wasn't in it but it was better than dwelling on his meaningless one night stand with Rin.
Clearly meaningless to Rin anyway.
Makoto started talking about the baby that was on the way. He sounded so happy, so excited and it was a welcome distraction and a nice lighthearted, sweet topic.
"Have you picked out a name?" Haru asked to join in on the conversation and ignore how his heart was beating in his chest far too harshly. His chest ached.
"Well," Makoto smiled fondly. "I am leaving that up to her actually, I mean she is doing the hard part." Makoto had almost passed out with worry when his son was born. Watching his wife had caused him stress and it was not an easy delivery from what his best friend had told him. "Things are going better this time around." Haru could heard the joy and ease in his tone as he spoke fondly of his family.
Haru wanted something like that someday, someday when he moved past his feelings for Rin. It was stupid really to pine away on a straight man for so many years.
Rin reentered the room while Makoto was speaking and he pat him on the back. "Did I ever tell you congratulations? Man, being a dad must be the best. I want a little tyke some day."
Haru looked at him, but Rin was not looking at him. No, he was smiling at Makoto and Haru swallowed. There it was, one more reason that Rin would never be the one.
It was stupid to feel that way but hell, the whole situation made him feel like an idiot.
"I think I'm going to go now." Haru muttered as he headed to the door, putting his shoes on calmly but somehow not being able to get away fast enough. Nagisa didn't live too far so he just walked home. It was a good way to clear his head anyway but he wasn't paying attention and somehow ended up at his old school.
The old cherry blossom tree was still there. It was actually in full bloom and Haru smiled softly at it. It was as beautiful as Rin's irritating smile and Haru sighed as he felt one land in his hair.
He would be okay. He could last just like this tree. He could be strong and he could do this. He could get over Rin Matsuoka.
Once and for all.