I updated Sam's chapter! It's really funny!
TOP TEN WAYS TO:
Annoy Carlisle
Padma helped write this
Italics =written by Padma
Bold = written by Luna (if you don't get it read our profile)
Step 1: Play the theme song to the Addam's Family and snap along with it! Also command him to snap along.
Step 2: Call him Dr. Acula (if you don't get it, watch Scrubs).
Step 3: Paint his walls red and spray blood-scented perfume (don't ask where we get that from)
Step 4: Tell him there's a guy who calls himself "Arrow" who says that he wishes to destroy the Cullens. Say that you invited him for dinner, and he's bringing dessert.
Step 5: Tell him that Edward has eloped with some girl named Jane.
Step 6: Tell him that Bella has eloped with some guy named Laurent. I think...it may have been Lauren Tuh. (I mean Laurent isn't really a name is it?)
Step 7: Dress up as his father and spray him with garlic.
Step 8: Tell him that Jasper has decided to kill all vampires in the west. And he teamed up with some girl named Maria! Who's that? Just kidding… We think.
Step 9: Tell him that Jacob asked Rosalie to turn him into a vampire, because Bella is turned on by cold, wet things. Rosalie said yes.
Step 10: Tell him that Esme and Emmet… got married! (If he barfs, too bad) (If he decides to make an exception to his 'no killing humans' rule, I would recommend asking to be bitten… and adopted).
At the end of this list…he should be walking around singing nursery rhymes…in that voice you use to talk to five year olds…
WHATS WRONG WITH THAT????
So many things, so many things.
Disclaimer: If we owned Twilight, we'd be rich and famous. We're not rich. We're not famous. Yet.We also do not own Scrubs or the Addams Family. Or the Volturi. Although I do own Jacob. Steph Meyer: No you don't. He loves me, that counts for something. He doesn't know who you are. That's what all of you think… You know that unnamed girl in Eclipse who came to the bonfire? There wasn't one. That's what you think… I have that book memorized, there wasn't one. Notice the 'unnamed' part! They just ignore me… but I was there. If they ignore you, how does Jacob know who you are? Oh he knows… he knows. You do know Jacob's taken, right? Minor details… She's one year old! I can have him for now! She's prettier than you, and she outlives you! You can't have him! I can for now, and then I can go find Sirius Black! That's a very possessive one year old, and look at Bella, Rosalie, Alice, and Renesmee. And possibly Esme. You won't stand a chance… What's that supposed to mean? They're inhumanly beautiful – you're merely pretty. But I'm smarter than all of them combined. And I'm awesome. Alice has more awesomeness than you in her pinky toenail. And Bella knew the square root of pi before she saw the Twilight Movie. And she passed Calculus. I haven't taken Calculus yet… Minor details. Uhh, yeah… that was kinda long – nothing belongs to us. End of story. I own steps two, three, four, seven, and eight! What do you own? The rest (that would be steps one, five, six, nine, and ten). I own parts of those! Then I own parts of yours…
The End!!!