The house had never felt this high strung, it felt more like the Bunker, which sucked. Coyote's house should never feel like this. I hated that hunting had tarnished it somehow and I swore to myself right then and there that I'd do everything I could to keep it from happening again. This was our place to escape, not have all this crap come up. Sam and Coyote didn't say anything when the wolf and I walked in. I wanted to go get another beer but decided against it. I took a seat next Coyote on the couch, the wolf laid down at my feet and uncomfortable silence filled the air. Sam was across from us in the chair.

They weren't going to let me off easy so I decided to take the plunge. "I can handle it. I want to go."

Sam's eyes were on the wolf, "He and therefore you by proxy look better. We all know you've been getting better but that's not what worries us."

"Okay, what does?"

"What happens if we can't help Jacob? What happens when you get attached and it turns out that we can't save him? We all know how you've always dealt with that before. You don't give up."

"Neither do you so don't put that only on me."

"I didn't used to, I've learned how. Something hunting with Roy made me learn."

That was news to me, "What do you mean?"

"There's been times where if it had been you and I out there we would have dragged ourselves through hell and high water to help someone, Roy and I don't."

"You're bailing on people? What the hell Sam!"

"No, not bailing. Taking a step back and asking for help if we're getting in too deep. Not going after demons because we hate them, not tapping into the dark side of things to save someone. Things you and I didn't do. We don't push ourselves to go after every monster out there. That's how Roy's able to stay on an even keel and spend time with Thea, it's how I've stayed sane. We've set limits on what we're willing to risk. Can you do that Dean? You never have before and it's not how you usually think."

"So what, you're picking and choosing hunts now?" I really had no room to talk since I'd quit, but it bothered me.

He got quiet, way too quiet. "I'm making sure Roy makes it home to Thea and doesn't turn into us or Oliver. I'm the older one now, he's my responsibility. I get a whiff of sulphur or any hint of demon or something else too high up on the food chain we bail and call someone else. I've found hunters that specialize in demons and pagan gods so I call them. Call me a coward if you want, say I'm not doing my job but it's been a year and neither of us have ended up in the hospital, possessed or dead. Did you and I ever manage that?"

I couldn't lie, he'd lived through it after all, "No." That explained why he hadn't needed me on any hunts after those first few. They'd been some pretty tough cases, he hadn't wanted to ask but he'd sort of had no choice. I'd noticed he really hadn't seemed that stressed lately either, even when he'd come from a hunt close by. If he and Roy were cherry picking hunts that'd make things a lot easier.

"Exactly. So can you go into this with limits or not?"

"Define limits."

"That if whatever is going on with Jacob starts seriously adversely affecting you, you leave, and, if after a decent amount of time he doesn't get better we tell Krissy we've done all we can and turn him over to someone else. No deals, no jumping headfirst into things without researching and no dark magic."

My first impulse was to point out that all of the things he was making off limits was exactly what had kept us alive this long. The wolf leaned hard against me which made me look down and see the other side of what all those things had brought about. I got the point, "All right."

They both looked a bit surprised at that but Sam chose not to make an issue out of the fact that I'd agreed so fast. "Good."

"Anything else before we start figuring out how to do this?" I asked. Coyote hadn't said a word which worried me.

"Not really," Sam said, I knew that wasn't the truth, if the way Coyote looked was any indication but she'd probably hold off until we were alone. "Should we have her bring him here?"

"No," I answered, pretty emphatically might I add. "The Bunker. More resources there and if things get out of hand we have a lot more options for dealing with it there than here," And I was pretty damn sure having a white kid show up out of nowhere and stay with us would start some serious talk among the people who still had issues with Coyote and I. No need to make that crap start up all over again.

"Makes sense," I could tell he was starting to wonder why Coyote hadn't said anything, "I'll go call Krissy, find out where she is, all that and more information on the blade. Maybe we can find something about it in the archives. You guys want to leave today or tomorrow?"

I looked at Coyote, "Tomorrow? May as well clean up before we go."

"Fine." She got up and went upstairs. Shit.

"Tomorrow then," Sam said. He glanced upstairs then back down at me. "You sure about this?"

"Yeah. We'll work it out. Go call her."

He nodded and went to the spare room. The wolf whimpered and sunk his head onto his paws. "I know. Well we were bound to have a fight at some time or other I guess. Coming?" He didn't move. "Can't say I blame you. All right."

I followed her into our room and shut the door, "Which is it? Pissed, scared or hurt?"

She was sitting on the bed, her back facing the door. "When you first moved in, I kept things back as far as how much I let myself feel. You know that, even though you said this wasn't a port in a storm thing this time I wasn't sure, neither were you as much as you said otherwise. When you did those hunts with Sam, each time I expected you to come back, pack your stuff and leave again. Then you didn't. Months went by and you settled in, made this place your home. You started to make friends here, working on the cars, making a life for yourself, for us. When you got that Mustang and told me what you had planned for it, that's when I knew that you'd really decided to quit."

She turned around and tears were streaking down her cheeks. She'd only cried like this twice that I'd ever seen, when she told me about her Dad's death and when Rising Dove passed away. "I know Jacob's a kid and I know how that gets to you, as much as I want to be pissed I can't because you'd never say no to helping a kid who'd been hurt. I'd never be able to love a man that would. I'm not hurt, not in the way you're thinking. I'm scared because I know you, I know how deeply ingrained the whole concept of saving people is in you. Once you get back out there I'm afraid you won't be able to stop again. This is the best metaphor I can use for this even though it sounds bad but it's almost like an addiction for you. When you decided to quit, you cut everything you could out. News, Baby, almost all your weapons, any and every last thing except Sam that would pull you back. You had to fight with everything you had to pull yourself back when you went on those hunts. Now you're diving back into the deep end, going to the Bunker, helping a kid that is dealing with almost exactly the same thing that you went through with the Mark. Baby's back. You think you're stronger but that's when most addicts get over confident. They think they can handle it, then a major stressor comes on and they relapse. You've never been able to separate the job out from yourself, your own soul. I'm worried as hell that helping Jacob is going to trigger all that again. I saw how much hate you felt when Krissy was talking about Jacob. I'm worried that you'll get back out there, see the pain, see the hurt and want to singlehandedly take out every monster out there, and you can't. You never will, no matter how hard you try."

I sat down next to her, brushed some of the tears away and held her hand. "When my inner self and I were chatting outside he made it pretty clear that I'm not all that much better. Whatever the Mark did to me won't ever be completely gone, I know that, have for a few months now. I also know that if I don't help Jacob, or at least try, it will eat at me, you know that too. Yeah, I've pulled the wool over my eyes about what's really out there since I've moved here, made it someone else's problem but one way or another it was bound to come back around. As long as Sam's hunting and I'm still in touch with hunters there was no real way of avoiding that. Of all the possible ways it could come back this is probably the least screwed up. It could be a lot worse, we both know that."

She nodded.

"Coyote, I don't want to take out every monster out there anymore. I want to be here, with you, wrenching on cars and being happily ignorant of reality. Do I hate what they can do? Yeah. Always will, but this isn't hunting, this is helping a kid. It's not the same thing."

"One can easily lead to another," she pointed out.

"Which is why I accepted the limits Sam put on me, on this. I won't go back on that, not to him and not to you. Did that enough over the years. If I start being an idiot, kick my ass, lock me in the dungeon we have down there and don't let me out until I start thinking straight again."

When I said dungeon a very interesting mix of curiosity, confusion and a touch of gallows humor slowed the tears, "You have a dungeon?"

I went for it and ran my hand up her leg. Why not? "Yup, various kinds of restraints too."

"Really?"

"See, this trip could turn out all right after all."

"I'm not sure if I'm impressed or horrified that we just went from helping a kid to contemplating bondage and kinky sex in your dungeon."

"We've always been good at multitasking."

That got a small laugh out of her, it didn't last long though. "All perverted sexual thoughts aside.."

"Aww but why?"

She lightly punched me in the shoulder, "Dean!"

"Okay, okay."

"I don't want you to lose what you've found here, what we have, I don't want you to lose yourself again." There were less tears but it didn't make what she was saying any less painful for her to say or me to hear.

"Honey, I don't want to lose this either and we all know how stubborn I am about doing what I want. This is one and done. I don't want to sleep in crappy hotels, eat shit food and never sleep ever again. I love it here, love you and love my life now. Most of all I love the fact that I can say that." I kissed her cheek, "I've spent my life fighting for other people, because I thought I had to, I thought all their pain was somehow my fault. I know now that wasn't true. You know how hard I fought for people I barely knew. Imagine how hard I'm going to fight for you, for us. I'll be fine, it may suck for a bit but I'll make it through."

She nodded and I could see some of the worry start to disappear.

"Besides, I've got you and Sam to keep me in line. Sam seems to have this idea that he's all grown up now so he doesn't have to take my crap anymore. I swear, give kids a car and they get all independent and over confident."

"And telling your lover that she can lock you in a dungeon if you start giving her shit probably wasn't the most strategic move either," she added.

"Nope. So see? I have to behave."

She leaned in and placed a rather interesting kiss on my lips, "Well, maybe you can get in a little bit of trouble."

"Yes mistress."

"Very good Dean. I could get used to the sound of that."

Even though it was her saying it, those words triggered a few things I'd never really wanted to think about again. "Don't get too used to it. I'm not all that keen on pain."

"Sorry, got a bit carried away there."

"No worries. My fault for bringing up the whole restraint thing. Feel better?"

"Probably as good as I'll be until this is over and we're back here. I'll be keeping an eye on you, promise if I tell you to take a break or leave you will. Please."

"Promise."

"All right." She took a deep breath, "Let's try to help this kid out."