Disclaimer: I do not own Blindspot. More like it's the other way around… I've come to realize that THEY own ME. :)
A/N: Hi, it's me. Yes, it's been a while. Many apologies. That whole writing a book thing is still happening, and then I moved and was swallowed up by the task of unpacking. Doing my best to keep on top of things. I have no intention of abandoning Jane and Kurt, despite my crazy schedule. Please forgive the wait since the last chapter. For now, I hope you enjoy this one, which was inspired by the FREEZING temperatures on the East Coast over the past week or so.
It was one of those days when she dreamed of the unforgiving heat of summer. There were things that she loved about every season, and Jane did enjoy winter, but there was something about a day this cold that made it hard to remember how anyone could like anything about winter. No, when it was this bitterly cold outside, it was hard to remember anything at all.
They'd only walked a few blocks, from the bakery that had long since been their favorite – the one that made Jane's favorite croissants. Those pastries were the only reason Jane had been willing – foolishly, she could now see – to brave the cold and even an unexpected inch of snow outside.
She had nothing against snow, and she could usually enjoy its beauty. As a matter of fact, Kurt had grown accustomed to the fact that when it snowed, Jane would drag him outside to play in it, no matter how much he protested. But Jane had just discovered that when it was sixteen degrees Fahrenheit, her excitement over snow melted away. That was much too far below freezing, as far as she was concerned.
Even though they'd already been in the building for several minutes before they reached the apartment that she still struggled to remember was theirs, and not just his, she was still shivering. Kurt held the paper bag of food and his own cup of coffee. Jane, on the other hand, wasn't just holding her coffee, but clutching it for dear life. As soon as she was through the doorway, she made a beeline for the thermostat, nudging the setting up several degrees.
"Please don't turn this place into a sauna, sweetheart," he requested, unsure that she'd actually heard him. "Why don't you come over to the couch and sit under the blankets with me?"
Her teeth were still chattering when she turned around to look at him. "I like the way you think," she grinned. He had already taken off his boots and was in the process of removing his jacket, hat, scarf and gloves, tossing them into the small dryer around the corner from the front door. As she watched him, she couldn't help but think that he looked adorable with his hair slightly messy from the hat he'd been wearing until just then.
"What?" he asked when he saw her standing there, staring at him.
"You have 'hat head,'" she informed him. "It's cute on you."
He made a face, pretending to be upset, but couldn't hold it more than a few seconds. He was smiling again by the time he reached the couch, coffee and food in hand. "Are you joining me here, or what?" he asked, raising his eyebrows at her.
"Yes," she replied, suddenly moving. She hung up her jacket and then threw the rest of her snow-covered winter gear into the dryer, as he had done, pressing 'start.' "It's still freezing in here," she whimpered, shooting an accusatory glance at the thermostat as she made her way across the room toward him, coffee in hand once again.
"Come here, silly," he told her, holding out a hand in her direction. As soon as she was within arm's reach of him, his hand landed on her waist, tugging her closer and then encircling her as she sat down on the couch. He pulled her legs up over his lap, which earned him a smile of contentment from her, and then pulled a fuzzy, pale blue blanket over both of their legs.
Snuggling against him, Jane sipped her coffee and watched him, wondering what he was up to. He had a determined look on his face and didn't look like someone ready to settle down and relax.
Reaching away from her for a second, he retrieved a second blanket that was sitting at the far end of the couch. This one was bigger, not quite as soft but made of wool, so it was even warmer. It was navy blue, and Kurt had told her once that he'd had it since he was a kid. Keeping hold of one end in his right hand, he leaned forward so that he could thread the blanket behind him, tugging at it until he had it around the other side of him. After that, wrapping the free end behind Jane was comparably easier, pulling it snugly around her shoulders.
Now that they were wrapped up together in not one but two blankets, Jane couldn't help but grin. Of all the things that could have made up for that cold walk, this was the perfect one. The croissants, while delicious, were not enough. But snuggling under the blankets with Kurt? Even if they hadn't had food and coffee to enjoy, this would have been perfect. The fact that they did have those things was simply icing on the cake.
Holding her coffee in two hands, she took a sip and then laid her temple against his shoulder, sighing happily.
"Feel better?" he asked.
"So much better. I'm still cold, though," she replied with a smile. "I'm not sure I'll ever be warm again."
"Give me another minute to work my magic," he told her, which made her chuckle. "It's still warming up. Also, have some more of your coffee. Is it hot enough?"
"Not as hot as I'd like, but I don't want either of us to move, so I'll make do." Thinking for a few seconds, she added, "As a matter of fact, can we just stay on this couch until spring? Because I think hibernating is sounding pretty good right now."
Chuckling in amusement, he leaned forward to put his cup on the coffee table, then rubbed his hands together. Once he was satisfied with their warmth, he laid them over Jane's hands, which were still wrapped around her coffee cup, attempting to extract every bit of warmth from it that she could get.
She'd been smiling at him already, but her smile now widened across her cheeks, her eyes falling closed as she leaned down against him again. "I love you," she mumbled, feeling laughter rumble through him. A kiss landed on the top of her head, and his hands left hers. She frowned, but then felt him pulling the navy blue blanket tighter around her only a second later, before pulling her into a tight hug.
"I love you, too, Jane," she heard him whisper. Her eyes were still closed, and she wondered how it was possible for it to be this perfect. She'd never enjoyed snow this much… though technically, it wasn't the snow that she was enjoying at the moment.
"Do you want to eat?" she heard him ask. She still hadn't opened her eyes, and now she was feeling drowsy.
"Not yet," she replied with a yawn. "I don't want to move. Ever again."
Again, he chuckled. "Well, I can't promise that I'll go along with that," he replied slowly. "But I will agree that I'm perfectly happy where I am at this moment. However," he added, shifting slightly, to her displeasure, "You have to let me take this coffee away from you for now, so it doesn't spill, because I think you're getting sleepy in this little cocoon of ours. Am I right?" He was already gently taking the cup out of her hands, leaning forward to put it besides his own.
"Maybe," she admitted grudgingly, not objecting to her coffee being taken away but still refusing to sit up or open her eyes.
"There," he said soothingly, leaning back and pulling her even closer than before. "Better?" They were once again cocooned together under the blankets.
"Yes," she replied, once again feeling drowsy from an overdose of warmth and comfort. There were not enough words to express how happy she was just then.
"Good." He kissed her forehead this time, sending electricity radiating through her, but the drowsiness continued to pull her in.
Sleep was about to pull her into its clutches, she knew, when suddenly there was something very important that she needed to tell him. And just like that, she was fighting sleep with everything inside her, trying to remember what it was that was so important. Alas, whatever it was remained just beyond her reach.
"Don't let go."
The words escaped her mouth just before sleep pulled her in, and even as she felt him pulling her tighter, there was the sudden realization that it wasn't going to be enough. No matter how tightly he held on, it wouldn't be enough.
A few seconds later, the next feeling she was conscious of was despair. She knew where she was before she opened her eyes, before she forced herself to admit that once again, it had been a dream. Breathing slowly but deliberately, she prepared herself to face reality. Pushing aside the emotions left over from the dream, as she'd taught herself to do since they'd started, she felt the familiar numbness inside her.
She didn't like feeling nothing – it was too reminiscent of her flashbacks to being Remi – but if the choice was to be numb, or to be in agony over dreams that reminded her what she would never have, then numb it would be. Besides, she had certainly been through worse than just feeling sad, hadn't she?
Of course I have, she told her self determinedly. I was trained as a child soldier. I had my memory erased. I was held in a black site, for God's sake.
And yet… why did this feel worse than any of those things?
Don't be ridiculous, she told herself. Now get moving.
That was when she realized that she felt cold, even though she always kept her safe house at the same temperature.
Deep breath, she told herself. It was a dream. Now stop it. Get up. Right now. Get in the shower. Move on.
It figured that as soon as she arrived at the FBI, she was informed that Kurt and Roman had headed into the gym together. Immediately she was suspicious. It turned out that Kurt had decided to try to trigger Roman's memories by fighting. While she could see the validity of this attempt when she thought about it logically, the reality of seeing them beating each other was unsettling.
Kurt had gone to get cleaned up when Roman confronted her about why she hadn't yet told the other man that he'd killed Emma Shaw, as she had promised. Though she tried to explain to him that she was protecting him, deep down she knew that he was right – when Kurt found out, he would be angry with her. Still, she had to tread lightly and the time just wasn't right…
That conversation had unsettled her, heaping stress on top of the strain of the dream she'd had the night before. She was lost in thought when she rounded a corner, on her way to see Patterson, frowning as her thoughts beat angrily at the inside of her head. Without warning, Kurt caught up to her.
"Did you get Patterson's text?" he asked.
"On my way to the lab," she replied tensely.
"How'd it go last night?" he asked, in the same tone in which he'd inquired about Patterson's text.
What in the world is he talking about? But she didn't have time to react before he continued.
"Your… date," he added.
For a few seconds she resembled a deer in headlights as she stared at him in shock. He doesn't really want to know that… does he? Do I want to tell him that? And wait a second… It couldn't be a good thing that she'd gone out with Oliver and then dreamed about Kurt.
"Oh, uh, I…"
"Sorry… You don't need to…" he stuttered. He hadn't meant to pry, and he realized only after the words came out that he had been overstepping. The fact that there were things about Jane that were none of his business was unfamiliar territory to him, and he found that he didn't like it. He'd always been used to her telling him pretty much everything. "After you told me about it, I started thinking."
Her eyes widened slightly. He's been thinking about this?
"We have to be careful. Sandstorm feels like it's everywhere. Shepherd's been watching me since I was a kid. They used you against me."
"You think Oliver is part of Sandstorm?" There was just a hint of sarcasm in her voice. Surely, he was just being paranoid. After all, one of the things that she liked best about Oliver was how normal he was.
"We didn't realize Borden was with them until it was too late."
Okay, he's right about that. But… Her face softened as she realized that he had a point. Still…
"Inviting new people into our lives… that could give them the opening they're looking for."
Taking in this new idea, that Oliver could have had an ulterior motive for wanting to go out with her, her face tensed in frustration. She couldn't think of a reply. What Kurt was asking of her… did he even realize what he was asking of her? Not to meet anyone new for… for how long, exactly? There was probably an end to this case in the future, somewhere, but it certainly didn't feel like it would be anytime soon. So he expected her to just live in this sort of limbo indefinitely?
Logically, she understood his concern, but she felt trapped all over again. Somehow, it seemed that no matter what she did, she ended up trapped. She may not have been physically trapped this time, but this was worse, in a way. At least when she was physically trapped, she could more easily figure out how to escape.
That was when Nas walked into the hallway, greeting them with an insincere "Good morning," that Jane suspected was for her benefit. It wasn't as though everyone hadn't seen them arriving together more often than not, after all. The two of them began talking and Jane didn't bother to try to stop herself from scowling, grudgingly forcing herself to listen.
Get it together, she told herself. It is what it is.
And then it was back to the reality of the day. Nas had a possible lead, and they were on the way to Patterson's lab to see what she had for them. There was no more time to dwell on the rest of it.
It was better this way, anyway.