Hi again people. Yeah I know, what's taking so long for updates, life. I'm trying to keep motivation up and creativity moving along. And I'm going to do something today that I don't really approve of. That is respond to some reviews. Two in fact.
FinalMax: In response to you I say this, you're one chapter to quick with that review, I've been planning to address a lot of the issues you brought up in this chapter. And yes I've had a lot of increased 'drama' but not without some valid reasoning behind it. Hope you continue to read and like my changes.
Anonymous Does Not Forgive: This is called fanfiction for a reason. If you're going to stick to cannon pairings then the only stories you should read are Gendo/Ritsuko or maybe Gendo/Rei (he always appeared in my eyes as a child molester) And I don't remember writing Misato holding her gun to Maya's head…and I wrote the chapter so I don't know where you're seeing it. Maybe I was misleading with the whole Misato looking for her gun, but never in the whole Maya/Misato scene does it appear. As for Maya being a flaming lesbian…I've watched Evangelion a lot and it is does have reason to think that she ISN'T a lesbian. Women in Japan tend to make idol figures of strong willed women as the culture is so heavily male dominated.
There I feel better, and I hope you all continue to enjoy this story…If not, I'm sorry but I can't please everybody.
X-X
A Past To Forget
Chapter 11
She couldn't get one day of peace it seemed. Ritsuko paced in her office, Maya's formal request for the removal of one Shinji Ikari from Misato's care lie on her desk. Ritsuko wasn't shocked to see it, was in fact expecting it after Section-2 recounted the reports that the Captain had nearly broken the young tech's nose. With so many different paths open to her, why had Misato taken the most offside and brash? "She just can't stop and think or check up on anything that's why," her voice soft and it died within inches of her mouth.
She'd called Misato that morning and all but ordered her to come in early and fill in any missing gaps in the story. Makoto's post-it note on her door that morning had eased her mind about Maya's guilt, but only served to add to Misato's. Maya had reported in about having Shinji in her care that night, but Makoto forgot to log it into the system. And as Section-2 wasn't likely to search the homes of middle to high-ranking employees first for missing personnel they hadn't checked Maya's. She tried to recall where she had been when Maya called the night before. She saw harsh hands squeezing her nipples so hard it drew blood, a man's grunt of pleasure, and her own in pain. Gendo had been fucking her while Maya called.
The door shutting with excessive force drew her attention away from the pain still in her body. Not strong enough to be considered a slam, but hard enough to rattle the few pictures she had and make her cat statues shake. "What is it that you have to call me in on my day of Ritsuko. I get what, one a week and you call me in on it?" Misato asked in an exasperated tone. The previous day's events still vexed her, and she was grateful that Maya hadn't been at her post. Stupid little child playing in an adults' game. She had let personal feelings and opinions cloud her judgment. Misato didn't know that what she felt about Maya was exactly what she was doing.
Handing Misato the signed and, had she not intercepted it, ready for processing document, Ritsuko's face set the mood. Serious and problematic. "Stow it Misato. You fucking dropped the ball yesterday. Maya's is requesting you be relieved of caring for Shinji." Misato opened her mouth to speak out her rebuttal, a mix of fear and raw rage on her face but Ritsuko cut her off. "Let me finish before you say how 'its her fault.' It wasn't Misato, Maya actually didn't do anything wrong."
Thumbing through the document, citing Misato as being violent, unreasonable, and unfit to care for a special needs child, the woman's stomach chilled and her legs began to shake. "What do you mean she didn't do anything wrong. She abducted him, refused calls, and put us all in jeopardy if an angel attacked. She should be fired for that!" Sure maybe Misato had been out of line when she hit the woman, but she was so angry, so afraid at thinking Shinji was in the grips of that other woman, Kamazaki, again. She hadn't been proud of her assault on the smaller girl, but her anger needed and outlet, and as Maya had caused it she was the likely target. "I'm sorry for what I did, but she deserves worse."
Taking a seat at her desk, Ritsuko did something she only did on the really bad days, or days when Gendo was even rougher than he was that night. Pulling the bottom left drawer open, she produced a bottle of imported bourbon and two glasses, in case Misato wanted some. Pouring a shot, Ritsuko inhaled the fiery liquid, almost immediately she felt the affects. "Listen and listen good Misato. Maya called in yesterday that she had Shinji with her. Makoto was busy with calibrating the launch platforms and forgot to log it into the system. And it was Maya's day off so why would she answer the phone? Hell if I didn't have your cel-phone would you be here right now?"
Looking dumbly at Ritsuko, Misato was waiting for the doctor to say it was a joke. It didn't make sense, Ritsuko said she had been working the night shift so how couldn't she have been on the bridge too when the call occurred. "But what about you? You said it yourself that you were here all night, why didn't you know about this until now?" This wasn't about Shinji now it was about herself. It was about clearing her name and being right again. Yes Misato loved Shinji, but the sheer oddness of the events just didn't fit with her.
Tears threatened Ritsuko's eyes. The stinging burn of the alcohol in her throat and the memories that came unabashed as Misato ranted. She needed a lie, a cover story quickly or Misato would learn the truth, and Ritsuko would never live with the shame. "I was in a meeting with the commander. Afterwards I had to attend to my own work and don't feel like I need to second check everybody." Throwing back another shot of bourbon, Ritsuko prayed Misato believed her.
She didn't. "I saw the commander leaving before my shift ended, why would he come back when he could just call you?" Her voice held an undeniable accusation to it. Ritsuko was keeping something from her, she could tell. Did Ritsuko not want Shinji to live with her anymore and concocted some elaborate scheme to get him removed, nah that was just to paranoid to be real. But what if? Finding Ritsuko staring watery eyed at her, Misato remembered the blond's low tolerance to alcohol. "Look Ritsuko, just say what's happening here. Are you going to side with Maya to get Shinji-kun removed from my care or what?"
Relief spread so quickly through Ritsuko's body she felt her aching nipples harden and her heart felt like it would break through her chest. Misato had been mislead, either by her own fears or simply didn't care any further about the fact Gendo came back for just one thing. Shaking her head, "No Misato I'm not going to," a smile fell on Misato's face but it wasn't there for long as Ritsuko continued. "Not for the moment anyway. Shinji-kun has taken to you as his primary care giver, and to remove that could be disastrous. But if you act like you did at Maya's I'll have no choice but to see that he gets moved someplace else. Someplace that isn't a Nerv household, but that would mean somebody other than us and the pilots would need to be informed."
At the mention of 'pilots' Misato's face tightened. She hadn't told Asuka yet as Ritsuko had instructed. Her wide-eyed expression caught the doctor's attention, and had a very sobering effect on her. "Misato, please tell me that I'm being a fool here in thinking you haven't told Asuka yet about Shinji's past?" They had been over this time and time again since Rei had questioned into the boy's past. All the pilots had the right to know about potentially important issues in the lives of the other pilots. Rei was the exception as to know about Rei would not be beneficial to anybody.
It was Misato's turn to squirm under misdeeds. "I wanted to, really I did but things are so nice at the apartment." Ritsuko tossed back another shot. "Shinji and Asuka are getting along so well, to tell her about his past might ruin that, you know how Asuka overreacts to things." Misato eyes the empty glass next to Ritsuko's, oh how she wanted a drink right now. Ritsuko's gaze forced Misato to continue. "And I mean we told Rei because she asked about it, Asuka hasn't! I mean should we tell Shinji about her past? Asuka's past isn't a rosy and beautiful thing either! Why not let them tell each other when they feel comfortable with it?"
The growing hostility Ritsuko had started to die at the mentioning of Asuka's history. They weren't chomping at the bit to tell Shinji about that were they? Had no intention of it in fact. So was Misato so wrong in not wanting to upset the waters by tossing stones into the lake that was the Katsuragi apartment? Asuka surely would take it badly, maybe even so bad as to want to leave. How would that affect things, very badly. Opting not to think about it further there was not easy answer to it anyway. "Get out Misato, go home. We'll deal with this later. But I still think we might have to tell Asuka eventually." But how bad could it be for Asuka not to know, it couldn't hurt that badly could it, Shinji hadn't shown any problems on the battlefield so far.
The cold sweat that Misato felt trickling down her cheek was gone, smiling softly at her friend, Misato stood and walked out of the office and back towards her home. One disaster averted she hoped. As she got to her car nerves still on edge, Shigeru was just walking into Ritsuko's office with a weak pattern blue detection in a volcano several miles outside of the city.
X-X
"So anything happen to you this weekend man?" Touji asked as he tossed his satchel at his desk. The early morning students had all been seated for a long while, meaning Shinji had been waiting for his friends to arrive, Touji was the first. Pulling a chair over next to Shinji's desk, Touji couldn't tell if the boy was happy, sad, or just plain confused.
And Shinji was all three. Happy to bask in the feeling of acceptance from Rei, happy that Asuka had in her own odd way shown affection for him, sad that the affection was physical and missing real emotional context, sad because of the look he saw on Misato's face at breakfast a look of fear and anger, and confusion for what happened at Maya's. He had such a fun time talking to the young tech. They really did have a lot in common, but to go behind Misato's back, to betray her in a sense, surely that was why Misato had been cross with him that morning.
Shaking off the sudden want to talk about his feelings, "Nothing much happened. Nerv stuff mostly." It was an easy escape route, just mentioning Nerv was usually enough to get people to stop asking questions. Plus with Rei absent, Shinji didn't have to worry about her claiming something to the otherwise. "Where's Kensuke?"
The smile on Touji's face turned to something else, something darker. "Don't know, stupid bastard ditched me yesterday. We were supposed to hit the arcade and see a movie but I get this call right. He was really mad, yelling something about how he couldn't believe it and how it wasn't fair. Then he just hung up." Try as he might to mask his concern for his missing friend, Touji failed. Felt even betrayed to an extent that his best friend wouldn't confide in him and leave him in the dust.
"You can ask him now I guess," Shinji said with a small grin as Kensuke walked into the room and eyed them up. Had Touji not stood up and blocked Shinji's vision, he would have seen the look of unabashed anger and jealousy on new arrivals face. Kensuke's weekend hadn't gone anywhere near as well as he would have liked. He intended to get a few more pictures of Rei then meet up with Touji that was before he saw Shinji's arrival at the dilapidated building. Why would Rei let HIM in and not anybody else, Kensuke thought? What made Shinji so damn special as to get to visit her for over an hour? Oh and the look, that insipid dopey grin on his face when he left. Shinji was just using Rei, he had to be, maybe even had something he was blackmailing her with. Nothing else made sense.
Waving at Kensuke, who was quick to mask his feelings, "Hey man, pull up a seat and start explaining man. Had me worried and that's not supposed to happen." Pulling the geek into an affectionate headlock, Touji proceeded to administer noogies until Kensuke let out a series of forced laughs. Once freed the boy fixed his uneven glasses and took a seat by Touji. "So spill, what happened?"
Knowing Touji couldn't possibly understand the depth and purity of his feelings for Rei, Kensuke had to lie. Especially with his rival sitting right next to him. "Somebody broke my spare camera the other day and ran off. I had to spend the rest of the day hunting him down to get him to pay me for it." He saw the look of acceptance on both boys' faces. They bought it based on his seeming obsession with his camera. "So Shin-man," Kensuke was proud of how he could keep a straight face, "what did you do this weekend, I thought I saw you walking towards Ayanami's house while I hunted down my pray."
Blushing softly at being spotted, Shinji scratched his nose and looked away. Touji slapped the desk playfully. "You dog! I knew you had a thing for the ice-queen of Tokyo-3! What were ya up to, getting yourself some?" Touji's loud proclamations reverberated in the classroom, catching everybody's attention, especially that of Hikari Hokari and Asuka Langley Souryu.
His cheeks felt as if they were aflame. Shinji couldn't do anything but rub his hands over one another and think of some excuse. Work related, no. Drop off school work, no they'd know that was a lie. Maybe he just had to bite the bullet. "Well I had a…disagreement with Misato-san and just found my way there I guess." He lied, and even used Misato in the farce. Both boys appeared to be weighing the possibility. Touji was likely to believe it because who wouldn't be upset if they had a fight with Misato, that radiant and beauteous woman that filled his dreams and dirtied his sheets. Kensuke didn't think it possible in the slightest, not with how happy he seemed after he left. "So its not like that, really it isn't," Shinji finished weakly and almost begging them to move on with another topic.
"It's cool man, I mean if ya like her its ok with us right Ken? Nobody else seems to think much of her anyway. Killer body but her personality…whatever floats your boat man," Touji shrugged his shoulder. Yeah if given the chance he'd sleep with her, but he wouldn't date her. And if it kept Shinji and Hikari away from each other, more power to them.
Kensuke snorted in disgust, for both Touji's comments and Shinji's audacity. "Whatever, just whatever," was all he said. He would have his chance to play his cards soon enough and then Rei would be his, as she was meant to be. The conversation did change to the Miss Tokyo-3 pageant that had aired over the weekend and other minor things. Across the room however, Asuka felt time to do something about Hikari. Sure the girl said she didn't want to date her Shinji, but she could be lying. So what better way to test Hikari's resolve than to make good on the Touji claim.
Letting the jock's words about Shinji and Rei slip into the back of her mind, something to tend to later, Asuka acted. Hikari had just finished talking about day after Asuka left when Asuka smiled. "So Hikari, why don't you ask Touji out? You said you want to date him right, what's keeping you from it?" Hikari's eyes widened in surprise and a rosy hint graced her complexion.
"What, what makes you bring that up Asuka?" excitement and bashfulness playing at Hikari's throat. Which suddenly felt very dry and scratchy. Asuka's eyes were hard and unmoving. She wanted an answer and wasn't going to simply let Hikari off. "I mean…I don't know if he likes me that way, and isn't the guy supposed to make the first move?" Hikari's view of romantic endeavors was very antiquated. The man made the first move, the woman either accepted or rejected him, never the other way around. Finding the desk very comforting to look at, anything was better than the gaze of her friend, one that looked very predatory at the moment.
So easy to read, so easy to manipulate, even more power was at Asuka's command now. It was easy to make people do what you wanted if you knew how they reacted to stimuli. Last night as she'd taken off her bra and tossed it at Shinji, she knew yet another way to get him to move. Naked flesh seemed an easy way to get him into action, almost instantly he'd cupped them and Asuka smiled. And it was just so good! And using that knowledge, Asuka goaded Hikari. "Bullshit Hikari, this is the 21st century! Take what you want, if you want it. I'd never stand to let a man hold anything over me, why should you. I bet that idiot is do much a coward to ask you anyway." And Asuka was right about that.
Stealing a look over at Touji, she saw him patting the young Ikari on the back. Why had his saying Shinji was with Ayanami caused her to feel bad, she liked him right? Uneasiness and a queasy feeling in her stomach kept her body tense. "I don't know Asuka, I'm not as bold as you are, and I don't think I can." She wanted to, she thought. She'd had a crush on Touji for two years now, but something kept her from acting on it. "What if he says no, we wouldn't be able to be friends anymore."
From what Asuka saw they weren't friends as it was. Hikari was the class representative and he was a big perverted idiot. But if she had to sacrifice Hikari's chastity to keep what was hers, so be it. "If you want I can act as mediator for you. I could tell him to meet you someplace, hell I could even tell him you like him."
At that Hikari did look back into Asuka's eyes. "You'd do that for me, really?" What Hikari lacked was confidence in herself. Her older sister was a naturally beautiful girl, far surpassing what Hikari thought she had in herself. No, Hikari was the plain yet strict girl that held only a minor power in the world. "Don't kid about stuff like this Asuka."
"Why would I kid about it, if you want to date that spore, I'll help you however I can," Asuka's smile was genuine. She liked Hikari she really did, and didn't want anything to come between them, namely Shinji. Shinji was hers, he loved her and she loved the idea of that. She didn't love Shinji back exactly, at least not yet but the inkling was there. But she loved the power he gave her, instilled in her was what she cherished more than anything. She needed it and would have it. It was a drug, a very powerful and addictive one that had her fully in its sway. "I'll do whatever I can Hikari, anything."
The class representative smiled thankfully at Asuka, never doubting her intentions. Her eyes seemed to sparkle at the thought of finally making some progress in life. Asuka was a good friend, and if keeping her friendship meant not talking to Shinji yet getting Touji as a boyfriend in the process, well she'd have to accept it. Standing up, Hikari went to start class, the energy in her body seemed to quell as she looked at the class, namely Touji and behind him Shinji. The sad look was still there, on Shinji's face, but tamed a bit. 'Is this the right thing?' she thought as she gave the order.
X-X
Looking over his crossed hands at his tool, Gendo fought back the urge to simply kill the girl right there. She had betrayed him, failed to meet his every demand as she was created to. "Rei, you know why I called you here today do you not?" His voice betrayed anything of what he felt inside.
Called as she was about to head for school, Rei stood before her creator in her school clothing. She had no idea as to why she'd been summoned. No test was to be performed, no secrets to be told that only she and doctor Akagi were to know. A sense of dread, almost unknown to her, settled over her body. Wanting to be anywhere but before this man, Rei nodded. "I am unsure as to why I was called sir."
"You were ordered to avoid any unnecessary contact with the Third Child. Section-2 spotted him outside your apartment where he stayed for a marked amount of time. Why did you allow him access to your home?" It wasn't completely impossible that his son had forced his way in before he left. This incarnation of Rei had been very loyal to him so far so Gendo was tempted to at least listen to her response before acting. He needed Rei loyal to him and only him, using his son's abuse was just a scapegoat to forbid her to see him if the issue as to why was ever asked.
The foreboding increased in Rei's chest. Her lungs seemed incapable of drawing in the air needed to live she felt light headed and uncertain. A sense of self-preservation that usually lied dormant in her kicked in. She was afraid for her life at that moment. "Sir, the Third Child came to my apartment in a seemingly emotional state. It was my belief that an event occurred that left him unstable. I allowed him access on the basis his life had been endangered and his stay was to keep him in one place long enough for any necessary actions to be held before his recall," she lied.
Unknown to Rei her apartment was under constant video surveillance. Gendo needed to be insured that nobody was trying to get to her while he was unable to stop it. If she came in contact with Seele she would have to be disposed of, yet here the video feed served to show the man that his own son had become the thing he feared. A potential weakness in his control over Rei. "You disappoint me Rei, come here."
Gendo noticed the nearly unperceivable tell on Rei's face. Her eyes widened and her lips drew thin. Unwavering she abided his call but the fear was there. Walking around his desk Rei stood directly before the man. Heart pounding, legs weak, she felt the need to pee horribly right then. "Yes sir?" The man answered with his fist in her stomach. Doubling over in pain, Rei found her chin caught in the man's extended hand.
Squeezing his thumb and forefinger painfully against Rei's chin, "You were ordered not to see him and you have then lied about it to me." Adding more pressure into his fingers Gendo heard a whimper of pain escape Rei's lips as she tried to meet his gaze. "Why would you make me doubt you Rei, you know you can be replaced. You are a shell, worthless to everybody but me." Letting his grip go lax the man pulled his hand back only to thrust it forward in a quick yet affective shove into the girl's chest sending her to the floor.
Rei's jaw hurt as well as her neck from he hold, now thanks to the punch and throw to the ground was dry heaving in an attempt to force air back in her lungs. "I apologize Sir, it will never happen again." Each word burned her sore throat as she scrambled to form the words. On her hands and knees she tried to stand only to find Gendo's hands on her shoulders keeping her down.
His lips drew into a thin yet snide smile. "I expect that this will be the end of this sort of disobedience. Fail me again and you will be replaced." Turning away from her, Gendo was already weighing the pros and cons of killing her outright. She truly was replaceable, but the scenario had to be followed as closely as possible. He needed a way to break her spirit even more, turn his son's eyes away from her. Pull her closer to himself while keeping her in line. What had Akagi said about his own son, how he idolized Captain Katsuragi so much. Well maybe he too could play that card with Rei, but only if she showed further signs of betrayal. "Get out, now."
Crawling the first half of the room away from the man, fearful of what would happen if she didn't immediately obey him, Rei found the power to stand just as she reached the door. With one long lingering gaze back at the man she had held in such high esteem for so long, Rei saw a man that would kill her. Kill her if she betrayed him again. Kill her if she sought the comfort, joy, and even love of the only person that had offered it to her. Opening the door and stepping through it, Rei, for the first time in her life, had no idea as to what to do.
X-X
"Misato-san I'm home," Shinji called out as he kicked off his sneakers. He'd come home alone as Asuka claimed she and Hikari had business to do. "What would you like for supper?" He had to act fast to placate the woman. She was upset with him for going against her, and he feared the consequences. Walking into the living room and still not hearing any response, Shinji gave a momentary thought that maybe Misato had left or been called into work.
Wrapping her arms around Shinji's waste from behind, Misato hugged the boy. She wasn't surprised that he went ridged for a few moments before he noticed the strands of purple hair in his vision. It hadn't sunk until long after she'd come home, had time to think about all of what Ritsuko had told her, and the implications it might have. Telling Asuka, attacking Maya, hell even taking her gun with her in case she saw Kamazaki, she had been riding an endorphin high while talking to Ritsuko, but after it wore off she was able to think about it all in a clear mind. Just how much damage had she inflicted in her rage. "I'm sorry Shinji-kun, sorry about what happened yesterday."
Misato's grip lessened enough for Shinji to turn around yet still be held, she wasn't willing to let go of him yet. "Misato-san, I'm…I'm the one that's sorry. I shouldn't have let Maya talk me into skipping school, or offering to make me supper. I should have went to school then come home like you wanted, I'm sorry, please…forgive me?" His eyes wet with tears cascading down his face as shame and regret pulled on him. "I'll do anything for you to forgive me please?"
Knowing he did nothing wrong save seek comfort, Misato was stunned. She had done wrong, acted on emotion and a half assumption, yet here was Shinji begging for forgiveness. "You don't have to do anything Shinji, nothing at all. Just hug me ok?" It was wrong of her to seek comfort from the one she was to comfort but she couldn't help it. Fear of losing him and remorse for her own stupidity. But what was he to her…a brother, a son, her dream the previous night forced the idea of a lover into her mind, try as she might to swash that feeling it remained just to mock her.
Timidly Shinji's arms wrapped around Misato, his anchor. At first he barely touched her back, then as he saw the soft gaze of Misato, her lips a soft supporting smile his pulled fiercely at her, hugging her as hard as he could. Afraid she would push him away the next moment. Misato couldn't be sure but she almost thought he was saying 'thank you' over and over again but the words were muffled in her shirt. "Ssh, ssh, Its ok Shinji. I've talked to Ritsuko about this and although Maya might push things, you're still going to live here with me."
Tilting his head upward, Shinji couldn't stop his heart from thumping in unison with Misato's. She was afraid he'd leave? Didn't want him to leave? Asuka had been wrong by saying Misato was thinking of kicking him out. It was all to good to be true. Seeing the look of near ecstasy on Shinji's face, Misato started to finally take stock of their current situation. His body pressed firmly against hers, his movements against her body started to take affect. 'He'll think of it as a present, a welcome home gift,' she reasoned as she leaned downward and kissed him chastely on the lips.
They stood that way for several moments, Shinji fought to keep control of himself while Misato sated her own budding lust. It'd been awhile and Kaji's presence had always acted as one big aphrodisiac for her, but she couldn't do that to Shinji. Pushing him away softly. "All is forgiven Shinji." He nodded and they broke their hold. Shinji blushing and smiling ran off to the kitchen to start the evening meal, he'd decided on beer battered shrimp and curry, Misato's two favorites.
Standing alone in the living room, Misato was ashamed of herself. She'd kissed him, a boy forced to act as a man. But it had felt good, oddly right to give him that sort of physical expression. She'd always been more physical in her show of affection. But could she stop herself, was Maya right that she was a danger to him as well. "Shinji-kun I have to make a run real quick. I'll be back in…say two hours?" He called back that it would be fine. Shaking her head in disgust for her own needs, Misato called Kaji. He was happy to hear from her, yet an hour later as Kaji pulled out of her and fell into the bed to dazed to think, Misato couldn't get Shinji out of her mind, and it frightened her.
X-X
Author notes
Ok…well there you have it. Some things covered while others left open. I don't think I've added 'unnecessary' drama. But then again would I know it if it was there? Hope you enjoyed this chapter and continue to read and support me.
Later people and thank you Zen-chan for prereading again.