I don't own anything.
Nothing But Trouble
Chapter Eleven:
Rumiko watched in growing horror as people ran around the Hokage's office in barely contained panic. From what she could gather; an entire sector of the village as well as one condemned building had burned down, twenty civilians, five Chunin and a pair of ANBU had been hospitalized, one bar had been wrecked so bad that the structural integrity of the building was being investigated and someone had vandalized the monument to the Hokages. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Yui asked.
"Naruto's here," Rumiko confirmed. "Although, I'm wondering why they're so freaked out about the Hokage monument."
"I asked one of the Chunin," Yui stated. "Apparently, they've had an ANBU guard watching that thing ever night for years, so it's been a long time since somebody covered it in graffiti."
Why would they put an ANBU guard around a monument in the middle of a village?" Rumiko asked. "I mean, are they expecting somebody in their village to attack the thing?"
"Well, years ago there was some kid in the village that they called the demon brat. He used spray paint that thing once a week," Yui answered. "Now they keep ANBU there to keep kids from trying to out due that kid."
"Demon brat," Rumiko wondered, "Naruto?"
"Well, he must have been a kid at sometime, right?"
"I don't know, although vandalism is a little. . .mischievous. I mean, nobody even gets hurt. Does that sound like Naruto to you?" Rumiko asked.
"Nope," Yui admitted. The door to the secretary's antechamber opened and a massive scarred man with a bandana around his head walked in. He grabbed a couple of the ANBU and pulled them aside, though Rumiko could here them from where she was sitting.
"Have either of you seen Anko?" the scarred man asked.
"No sir," one of the ANBU replied. "Have you tried her apartment?"
"First place I checked," the scarred man stated.
"It's not like she's never blown off work," the other ANBU commented. "She's probably got her hooks in some poor guy."
"Despite the rumors about her," the scarred man growled, "Anko is a professional. She has been working on a subject for days and would not leave the job unfinished."
"I think they're going to be busy around here for a while," Yui stated, interrupting Rumiko's eavesdropping. "You want to go get lunch?"
"Sure, why not?" Rumiko asked. "I saw a little ramen stand a couple blocks that way."
(:ii:)
Naruto groaned and pushed himself into a sitting position. God he was sore. The woman beside him snorted and opened an eye blearily. "Oh, my head."
"Lightweight," Naruto managed as he climbed to his feet and found his pants. "Jesus, what did we do last night?"
"I don't know," the woman stated. "I remember sex, fighting, more sex, some drinking, and for some reason we had a quickie on Hokage Mountain. After that it gets even blurrier."
"Quickie." Naruto scratched his chin as he tried to recall said encounter. "I remember us going to a dango shop and you attacked somebody for being a smart ass." The woman stared at him for a moment before grinning.
"I remember that!" she exclaimed. "Fox and Hound showed up to and you beat them up. Then we had some fun with the dango." Naruto thought hard. He did recall certain sexual acts involving syrup. Had that been dango syrup? It seemed possible. "Damn, it's almost noon. I'm late for work."
"Sorry."
"Totally worth it." Naruto moved to the bedroom window and glanced out. The spray painted visages of the former and current Hokages did not escape him. Behind him he heard the woman climbed out of the bed and stalk over to him before throwing her arms around his neck. "You're a keeper! What are you doing tonight?"
"You want to go again?" Naruto asked in shock.
"I want to go again right now, but I really do have to get to work," the woman replied. "I'm Anko, by the way."
"Naruto." Naruto frowned as he considered her name. There was something familiar about it. It hit him at about the same time it hit her and they both sprang apart, pointing accusatory fingers at each other.
"You!" they declared. After a moment of shocked disbelief, Anko grinned.
"I knew you tasted familiar."
"And you were scarier when we first met," Naruto added.
"I'm still really scary!" Anko protested. "Right now I have a guy in my office who wets himself every time I walk into the room!" Naruto stared at her contemplatively for a moment. "Too much?"
"Actually, that's kind of hot." Anko grinned brightly again and stood on her toes to kiss him. "You know, I think you'd better take a shower before work." Anko's grin became more of a leer.
"Will you be joining me?"
"I thought that went without saying," Naruto replied. "How about we go grab lunch afterwards?"
"Sure. It'll be my lunch break by then anyway."
(:ii:)
"Here you go, young lady."
"Thanks." Rumiko favored the friendly ramen chef with a smile before looking down at her lunch. "This looks really good."
"Best in the world!" the chef declared proudly before heading back to his cooking.
"Have you ever heard of diet ramen?" Yui asked.
"No." Rumiko slurped up some of the noodles.
"Well?"
"Wow."
"Good, huh?" Yui asked.
"Huh?" Rumiko managed brilliantly as she tore her eyes away from the cute waitress's ass. "Oh, the ramen. Yeah, it's great."
"Keep it in your pants." Rumiko yelped and would have knocked over her ramen if not for a hand snatching it out of her reach. She spun and pointed an accusatory finger at the man who had snuck up on her.
"You!"
"Me," Naruto confirmed. "You guys got here fast."
"We stole a train," Yui stated before Rumiko could say anything. "Well, actually, she stole the train." Naruto stared down at Rumiko in shock.
"You stole the Tsuchikage's train?" he asked.
"It was necessa. . .erk!" She was cut off as Naruto threw his arms around her.
"I'm so proud!"
"Gee, should I be jealous?" Rumiko managed to push her boss away and glanced over at the new speaker, though her eyes stayed firmly below the new woman's neckline.
"Hi, I'm Rumiko," she declared thrusting her hand out.
"That one's mine," Naruto interrupted as he sat down. "Hey, Ayame." To Rumiko's eternal annoyance, the cute waitress smiled brightly at the blond.
"Hey, Naruto! Your usual?"
"Absolutely."
"I hate you," Rumiko stated. "Why do you get all the girls?"
"Women are stupid," Naruto replied sagely. "I mean, honestly, I'm an ass. Why do so many women like me?"
"You are a great fuck," the other woman pointed out as she sat on Naruto's other side.
"That's Anko," Naruto added. "Anko, this is Rumiko."
"So you're Naruto's latest," Rumiko stated as she shook Anko's hand. "Gee, what does that make, two hundred something?"
"You're only encouraging her," Naruto commented. Rumiko sighed in failure and went back to her ramen. She frowned at something in the back of her memory clawed to the surface.
"Anko?"
"Yeah?"
"You know a big guy with a bandana?"
"That's Ibiki," Anko explained.
"He was looking for you at the Hokage's office." Anko pouted.
"Better make mine to go, old man!" The chef nodded and poured the woman's ramen into a cup. "I'll see you tonight, Stud." Rumiko felt an eyebrow raise as the purple haired woman strutted out of the shop after a few seconds of tonsil hockey with Naruto.
"Tonight? She wants another go?"
"Yeah, weird huh?" the blond asked. "I think I'm in love."
"What would you know about love?" Rumiko sniped.
"Question," Yui stated quickly, heading off an argument before it could start.
"Yes?"
"I understand the fighting and the burning down buildings, but what's up with painting that stupid monument?" Yui asked.
"Burning down buildings?" Naruto asked. "Which buildings?"
"An entire sector of the village burned down," Rumiko stated. "You don't even remember that?"
"Oh, come on! What proof do you have that it was. . ." he trailed off as Yui and Rumiko stared at him. "Okay, yeah. It was me. . .probably."
So, what's up with the monument?" Yui pressed. "I mean, that's so. . .harmless. Hell, the whore makeup was actually pretty funny."
"I can be funny!" Naruto protested.
"True, but normally a person has to have something wrong with them to find your jokes funny," Rumiko interrupted. Naruto pouted and scratched at the countertop with one fingernail.
"You laugh at my jokes."
"Well, obviously there's something wrong with me," Rumiko stated. She frowned as she finished her ramen. "I've got a meeting with the Hokage."
"No you don't." Rumiko stared at the blond. "Sakura figured it out. She's probably already told Granny that I run things back in the Village Hidden in the Springs. Want to come along though?"
"Sure, what the hell?"
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"Here we are." Naruto stepped into the antechamber and frowned as someone grabbed him by the lapels of his coat. "Hi Shizune. Watch the collar, this coat was a gift."
"You!"
"Me."
"You!" Shizune managed to pry her hands away from his coat and took a few deep, calming breaths. "Do you know how embarrassing last night was?"
"You did her too?" Rumiko asked. Naruto frowned and scratched his chin.
"I have no idea. Did I?"
"What?" Shizune asked blankly. Her eyes widened suddenly and her face turned an even brighter red. "No!"
"So that Anko chick took you on all by herself?" Rumiko asked. Naruto nodded. "Huh. She wasn't even walking funny." Shizune looked back and forth between the two in confusion for a second.
"Wait. You slept with Anko?"
"Well, after all the other things we did, sleep was pretty much a necessity," Naruto stated. He slipped past her and made for the door. Rumiko quickly grabbed him by the shoulder.
"Naruto! You can't just barge. . ." she was cut off as the door slammed open and Tsunade appeared.
"Naruto!" She threw her arms around him and gave him a tight bear hug that managed to catch Rumiko as well since she had been behind the blond.
"Hey Granny. Can you let go? I think you just broke my secretary's back."
"Huh?" Tsunade peeked over his shoulder and her eyes widened. She quickly let go and Rumiko slumped slightly, massaging her sides. "Sorry!"
"No problem," Rumiko managed. "I think you just cracked a few of my ribs."
"If you broke her, I demand Shizune in trade," Naruto stated.
"You can't have Shizune!" Tsunade exclaimed. "I need her! The whole village would collapse if she wasn't here."
"I wouldn't mind working under the Hokage," Rumiko volunteered.
"I bet you wouldn't mind working under her," Naruto commented. Tsunade raised an eyebrow, obviously expecting some kind of inside joke.
"Wait, why do you have a secretary?"
"You don't know?"
"Know what?" Tsunade asked.
"Huh. I would have thought Sakura told you last night."
"She might have," Tsunade admitted. "I was a little tipsy."
"You were drunk off you ass," Naruto corrected.
"So were you," Shizune commented. Naruto just grinned and shrugged.
"Well, since I don't remember, why don't you reiterate?" Tsunade asked.
"I'm the Yukikage." The older blond stared at him for a long moment.
"I know I should be surprised, but I'm not."
"Is that good or bad?" Rumiko asked.
"I don't know," Tsunade admitted as she retreated into her office and waved them in after her. "God, I need a drink." Naruto followed after her and presented the woman with the bottle he had bought at Sakura's suggestion. "Thanks."
"Compliments of me and Sakura," Naruto offered as Tsunade uncapped the bottle and took a long drink before coughing. "That's not sake."
"No kidding," Tsunade sputtered, vodka dripping down her chin. "What the hell is this stuff?"
"Specialty of Land of Spring," Naruto stated proudly.
"So, you're the Yukikage," Tsunade stated.
"Yep."
"The Leader of the Village Hidden in the Springs?" Tsunade pressed. Naruto nodded and the Hokage took another, much longer drink. "Oh, boy. Do I even want to know how that happened?" Naruto just shrugged. "The council is going to raise hell."
"Sorry." Tsunade took another drink and grinned suddenly.
"I'm not. It's always fun riling up those old goats. Let me guess, you want to enter your Genin in the exam, right?"
"I personally couldn't care, but Yukie thinks it'll look good," Naruto answered.
"You're going to need the backing of three major villages," Tsunade stated. "It's a new safeguard after what happened during your exams."
"No problem. You, Nanbu and Gaara."
"Gaara, creepy redhead who crushes people with sand, Gaara?" Rumiko asked.
"He's not that bad," Naruto replied dismissively.
"Compared to you. And who's Nanbu?" Rumiko pressed.
"He's the new Tsuchikage. The guy you stole the train from."
"I guess that counts," Tsunade admitted, choosing to ignore the comment about a train, "although, the council is not going to be happy about you leading a rival village."
"Isn't there a treaty between Spring and Fire?" Naruto asked.
"It's unofficial bond of friendship, Boss," Yui stated. "Technically, we are competing villages, even if our geographical separation keeps us from competing directly."
"Meh, what can they do?"
"They can try to declared you a missing nin and put a price on your head," Tsunade stated flatly. "I wouldn't let that happen, but lately Danzo's going around my orders a little."
"You let him get away with that?"
"He's not doing anything illegal," Tsunade replied. "He's just interpreting my orders a little loosely."
"God, I would have had his head on a stake for that in my village!" Naruto declared. "Want me to kill him?"
"Naruto!" Rumiko snapped.
"Now, now. Let's not throw out a perfect good option," Tsunade interrupted as she rubbed her chin. "I'll have to think about this one."
-End
(:ii:)
-Author's notes. Sorry about last week. It was the Marine Corps Birthday Ball. So, yeah. I was drunk as fuck. As always, there were many an amusing scene; from a Gunny doing the running man, to the entire unit doing the electric slid and cha cha slide. Although, the funniest story goes like this: we had an open bar for one hour. Not much time, so we made the most of it. I personally packed in ten beers. Than we head inside for the guest of honor's speech. Usually, these speeches are funny as hell. This year, the man droned on and one and on. By the time our CO tapped him on the shoulder pretty much everybody was head bobbing. The rest of us were waiting to use the bathroom. As soon as the speech was over, about forty people shot to their feet and made a beeline for the head.
After that I killed half of case of beer and a fifth of Jameson I had up in my hotel room. Things get kind of blurry, but I do remember a bunch of us screaming Living on a Prayer by Bon Jovi. Oh, and I had a very good cigar. It wasn't a Cuban because that would imply illegal importation.
On that note, I noticed quite a bit of anti-smoker hate going down last time. I have taken it all under considered and decided to continue doing what I enjoy, namely smoking. To clear this up, I am not addicted. I can go weeks without smoking. I simply continue to smoke because I like it. I know that seems odd to the generation raised on Truth ads, but we smokers know what we're doing to ourselves. Yet another person telling us how bad it is, is not going to make us stop. Sorry health crusaders.
Until next time folks!