Title: To Woo Shanks
Characters: Shanks, Benn, Luffy, bits of Yasopp
Pairings: Benn/Shanks, Luffy/Shanks (one-sided, crack)
Warnings: Crack!Luffy
Disclaimer: I don't own One Piece.
"Benn." The tall first mate felt a tug on his pants and had to hide his smile. Luffy loved Shanks, but if he ever had a serious question he knew to come straight to Beckman.
"What is it, Luffy?" He lifted the child upon the stool next to him so that they could see eye to eye. But Luffy avoided his gaze, a stubborn look on his face.
"Are you blushing?" Benn decided to tease him before they had the serious discussion that was undoubtedly coming.
"What is blushing?" Yep. This was Garp's grandson all right. No other family could be that oblivious.
"Nevermind. Tell me what you've been thinking about." Benn ordered, but softly.
"Can two men love each other?" Luffy finally met his eyes. Out of the corner of his eye Benn saw Lucky Roo move closer to them, his round ear twitching.
"Why do you ask?" Benn asked, trying to organize his thoughts. Honestly, this kid shouldn't surprise him anymore, but somehow Luffy managed.
"Makino tells me stories and they all end with a man and a woman falling in love and living happily ever after."
"Would you rather love a man than a woman?" At Luffy's blank stare, Benn clarified. "Is there a man you love?" He took a swig of his sake, sure that he would need the alcohol.
"Yes. Shanks."
Benn swallowed his sake and took another gulp.
"You love Shanks?" He asked once his mouth was empty.
"He'd be a good wife." Luffy told him seriously. Benn had to struggle to keep back a laugh.
"He would." Benn agreed. "Do you know how to woo a person?"
"Woo? Is that was happened to the mayor?"
"Wooing is what you have to do before you can marry a person."
A determined look appeared in Luffy's eyes.
"Teach me how to woo Shanks."
"Makino, my love, is there any sake left?" Shanks called as he entered the bar.
"Of course, Captain." The barmaid giggled, setting a mug down at his usual spot at the bar.
Shanks toasted her and chugged the contents.
"Makino, is there something you'd like to tell me?" The redhead asked.
"No, why?"
"Well, thank you for the flowers…they're lovely."
"Oh, that wasn't me, Captain." She said between giggles. "You have a secret admirer."
Shanks looked at the wilting weeds in front of him, searching for clues to the culprit's identity.
"Be sure to thank him for me. Maybe next time he can bring me his favorite thing?" Shanks suggested loudly, scanning the faces of his crew, looking for his admirer, but after a moment of not finding anything he turned back to the weeds, smelling them.
"How lovely." He smiled as Makino brought him a vase.
The next night Shanks bee-lined for his usual seat at the bar, his body quivering in excitement. A large piece of meat awaited him.
"Your favorite thing, huh." He muttered to himself. The entire crew was watching him, crowding the bar to see what he would do. Only one man's eyes weren't watching him (excluding Beckman, but Benn was fully aware of everyone, like always). His teeth bit into a hunk of meat.
"So…Lucky." Shanks pounced on his cook. "Feeling sentimental towards your Captain?"
Lucky stared at him through his tinted glasses and pointed to someone behind Shanks. Shanks turned to look.
Luffy was sitting on the stool beside Shanks' place, his tiny body trembling with barely suppressed anger.
"Luffy?" He asked in genuine surprise, all playfulness leaving him.
"Stupid Shanks!" The child yelled. "I gave you my meat so you're my woo!"
"Your woo?" Shanks asked, confused.
"Luffy has been wooing you." Beckman explained helpfully, clearly amused.
"Wooing me? Why would you do that?"
"Because I love you." Luffy's big eyes stared into Shanks'. Beckman quietly slipped into a corner to watch.
"Luffy…' Shanks' brown eyes were soft and serious, half-lidded. "Are you sure you love me like that?"
Tears formed in Luffy's eyes. "You don't love me? Stinky Shanks! I don't love you any more!"
"Luffy, Luffy," Shanks reached out a hand, intending to rub the child's back, but Luffy slapped it away.
"You don't love me!" He screamed.
"Of course I love you, Luffy." Shanks comforted.
"Then you'll be my woo and we'll get married."
"Married?" Shanks asked, beyond surprised.
"Gimme your hand." Luffy ordered. Shanks did so, but with a feeling of dread.
"With this ring, I wed you." Luffy recited, shoving a crude metal ring on Shanks' finger. "Can I kiss the bride now, Yasopp?"
"Bride? Why am I the wife?"
"Because I'm a man, stupid Shanks."
A giggle escaped Yasopp.
"Luffy, I think we need to talk this over." Shanks said seriously, glaring at his amused men.
"I don't understand." Luffy's sad voice brought the redhead's attention back to him.
"Luffy, I can't marry you."
"Why not? I wooed you, just like Benn taught me."
"Benn taught you?" Luffy nodded. "He was teasing you."
"He was not."
"He was." Shanks assured. "You see, I can't be your wife because Benn is already my wife."
"Where are your rings?"
"We're pirates; we don't have rings." Shanks told him, thinking fast.
"Yasopp does."
"Yasopp's wife isn't a pirate."
"I don't believe you."
"Benn, come here." Shanks ordered, bringing his first mate from his spot in the corner.
Beckman virtually appeared by his side.
"Benn?" Luffy looked up at the tall pirate, his eyes big and wide.
"He's lying." Benn reported. Shanks squawked and hit Benn. "He's the wife."
Beckman smirked and dipped Shanks for a kiss, shoving his tongue into his Captain's mouth.
"Eww!" Luffy squealed, turning away in disgust.
Yasopp slapped his knees in laughter.
"Luffy, that's what men do to their wives." The sniper told the boy.
"I don't think I want a wife anymore." The child groaned.
"Are you sure?" Benn asked, a dazed Shanks limp in his strong arms. "Shanks is a particularly good wife."