Disclaimer: No, I don't own Katekyo Hitman Reborn! All rights go to Amano Akira.
A/N:
HOW ARE YOU GUYS? I know, I know, It's been a bit over a month since my last update. I'm really sorry! Even though summer break has started, I've been busy with a ton of volunteering that takes place every day and I'm trying to take some courses online through the summer, so... x.x" Even though my summer is busy with things that most people would consider a pain in the ass, I hope that yours are better! (:
There really isn't much to say except for the fact that this chapter talks about something that might be relevant in later chapters. Although, really, most things are important anyways, but SNVOEWNOQVE. You know what I mean, right? xD
I hope that you guys enjoy this chapter! (:
CHAPTER ELEVEN;
"Touching Dark Territory"
When I came back to consciousness, the first thing I noticed was that I was in a comfortable bed and no longer in that strange underground room. The next thing I became aware of was that, looking out the window, the sky had a myriad of vibrantly warm colours streaking through it. I let my eyes fall shut again, trying to gather my thoughts properly.
"Azumi? Are you awake?"
My eyes opened again at the sound of a gently sweet, concerned voice. Blinking to clear and focus the images that were before me, I turned my head slightly to meet Tsuna's wide chocolate eyes. "Tsuna..."
Letting out a loud exhale of relief, he collapsed back into a more comfortable position on the floor next to his bed. He tilted his head up to the ceiling, shutting his eyes. "Thank god you're okay."
"What time is it?" I murmured softly, still slightly disorientated. I tried to remember what had happened before I had blacked out, but all I really recollected was seeing Masaru slip away and hearing them call my name. Everything else was just black. I didn't even recall any feelings of hitting the floor, nor did I feel it when they had moved me back to Tsuna's house.
"It's nine PM," Tsuna informed me, shaking his head.
"Nine PM?" I repeated, sounding confused. During my battle with Masaru, I remembered quite clearly through my hazed mind that he had told me it was ten at night.
"You slept for a whole day," Tsuna told me. Moving closer again, he looked at me solemnly. "Are you okay, Azumi? Does it hurt anywhere? Do you need me to get anything for you?"
A slightly breathless laugh escaped me, my throat feeling parched. "A glass of water would be nice, if it's not too much trouble."
Nodding his head in understanding, Tsuna began to stand up. "I'll go get it for you. Yamamoto and Gokudera are staying over tonight, and they're downstairs playing with I-Pin and Lambo. I'll go get them—I'm sure they'll want to know that you're alright. Do you want me to get you something to eat, too?"
"Yes please." I watched as he nodded his head and then, after reassuring me he'd be back in a bit, turned around and headed toward the door. He glanced over his shoulder at me as he reached the doorframe, his lips still pulled downwards in concern and his eyes showing both relief and graveness. It wasn't a particularly long look, and my eyes were trained on his figure until he disappeared to descend down the staircase.
Grimacing slightly, I pulled myself up swiftly into a sitting position. I propped the pillow onto its side and behind my back, so that when I leaned against the wall, it provided protection from the coolness. My body ached and was sore, but something that I noticed immediately was the fact that all my wounds had been properly bandaged up and, I assumed, cleaned. There was pain every time I moved, but it surely wasn't as bad as what I had initially thought back then during my talk with Masaru.
I had been bathed from someone, since I was wearing my matching pajamas and I felt pristine. My hair wasn't all tangled and there were no smears of dirt on my skin. Naturally, I assumed that it was Nana who had done it for me, but the thought made me freeze up. It wasn't as if I wasn't comfortable about it, since Nana was almost like a second mother, but it made me scared to think about what she had thought when she saw me like that. It was something that nobody really knew about—nobody that wasn't involved in the mafia world, at the very least.
The thought made my blood run cold.
Before I could brood any longer on the subject, thunderous steps stomping up the stairs reached my ears. Somehow, I wasn't surprised when Gokudera strode into the room with a vein bulging near his temple. Yamamoto looked calmer, but there was still a certain sternness in his expression that had me frowning deeper. Nonetheless, his lips still held a mild upward tilt.
"You idiot!" Gokudera exploded, not giving me a chance to speak. He folded his arms across his chest rigidly, his eyes flaring. His hands were clenched into white fists, and his entire body was tense. "What were you thinking, going off on your own like that? Do you have any idea how much time we wasted searching for you? All that trouble we went through? And the Tenth was so worried about you, he began to feel unwell! He had to waste his time looking after you when someone as great as him had other things to do!"
"Now, now, Gokudera," Yamamoto chided lightly, placing a hand on the shorter male's shoulder. "The important thing right now is that Azumi is alright. How are you feeling?" His light coffee eyes turned to meet mine as he addressed me.
"Fine," I answered vaguely, keeping the poison situation from them. After all, they had already been so concerned. There was no need to tell them something that I knew I was fine figuring out myself. Even if I explained it to them, there was no way that they would be able to help—they hadn't studied anything about poison. In Varia though, they had taught me significant things about it. "Sorry about worrying you guys."
"Don't apologize," Yamamoto chuckled faintly. "It's a relief to know that you're okay."
"What, do you think apologizing will change what happened?" Gokudera demanded from me angrily. His pale olive eyes were glinting dangerously as they met my dark cerulean ones. In an angry, almost hateful way, they narrowed into slits. "I don't understand the way your mind works. How could you go and do all those things on your own without even saying a word to any of us? What part of this is the role of a spectator?"
At first, I wasn't sure of why the silver-haired dynamite user was so angry. Yes, I knew that he generally had an easily irritable nature and that he was short-tempered, but I had never experienced that fire ignited so ferociously in his eyes until now. Something about the emotion that his eyes held made me feel restless and want cringe back away from him. It was something so harsh, so raw, so passionate, that I knew I had done something more than just upset him in the same way I, or others, usually did. It was something deeper than that.
"I can't believe you went and did such stupid and dangerous things on your own," he hissed out. "At that time we all knew that something was up, but we never expected something like this," he scoffed. "Did you think that we'd all get in your way? Don't think so highly of yourself! I'm the Tenth's right-hand man. There's no way that I'd lose to someone like you. If you had just shared your information with us and had us go along with you, this sort of pathetic situation wouldn't have happened."
The more he spoke though, the clearer it became. Indeed, he was hurt on a much deeper level than having being called Stupid-Dera by Lambo, or by having me come back to the classroom late at lunch. Hearing him rant and scold me, there was something nearly unbelievable threaded into his raw, slightly scratchy voice. It sounded like something so similar to hurt that for a moment, I was floored.
However, if I had been Gokudera, how would I feel if one of my friends, after having established that we were going to figure everything out together, went off and did things on their own that caused trouble for everyone else? What if that person had, even after reassuring me that they were okay, ended up beaten and battered? If that person had danced to their own rhythm without saying anything even after spouting all these words and phrases about how everyone had to stick together? I would probably be livid. And hurt—very, very hurt. After all, it was almost as if there was a breach of trust. Had the person not told me because they simply didn't trust me?
Undoubtedly, the thought, "Aren't we supposed to be a team?" would flash through my mind countless of times.
Was that how Gokudera felt?
I stared with solemn eyes at the fair-skinned, silver-haired Storm Guardian that continued speaking about how stupid it was, and how he was willing to fight me if it meant he'd prove he was stronger than what I apparently thought. It was almost funny, because he had no idea how highly I truly regarded the Guardians, and he was no exception to that immense respect. It wasn't as if I didn't tell anyone because I felt they were unskilled and wouldn't be of help.
"I think that Azumi understands what you're trying to say, Gokudera," Yamamoto's lips were pulled up a fraction, but it differed from his usual brightness and warmth. "Take a deep breath and try to calm down. It'll make you feel better."
"You stupid baseball freak!" Gokudera switched his attention temporarily to the Guardian of the Rain. "I don't need to take a deep breath and calm down. This isn't something to be calm about! I'm not the one who needs to feel better at all!" He whirled to me again. "You, you moronic woman, need to stop causing so much trouble for everyone! Especially the Tenth!"
There was really nothing I could say to him, because a lot of what he said was true. I was causing a lot of trouble for the Tsuna and his Family—it was only because I was here that they had taken Chie hostage and called me out. And yet, I wondered about what would've went differently if I hadn't been stationed in Namimori. Would they have targeted Lambo and Hibari with their full forces, like we had originally thought? Or would they have called out the Guardians one by one by using methods similar to what they had done to me?
My voice was quiet, but the moment I spoke, the room fell silent. "I'm really sorry, Gokudera, Yamamoto. I did cause you guys all a lot of problems, even if I never intended to. But... I didn't do everything on my own because I don't trust you guys or feel like you'll just get in the way."
Instead of Gokudera's gruff voice, Yamamoto's kind, yet slightly edged melody fluttered through the room. "Then why didn't you say anything? We wanted to help, Azumi. This isn't a problem that involves just you, right? It consists of us, too. That's why it's okay if you talk to us about things that are happening instead of trying to tackle everything yourself."
"But that's the thing," I murmured, letting my eyes fall onto my clasped hands that rested on the thick blanket covering my lap. "I didn't think that it was a big deal—that's why I went on my own. I had thought that they were just regular Mafioso, and if they had been, I would've gotten out completely fine. I never expected that he'd be different—that there was someone like him trying to take hold of the Rings. I've been in Vongola my entire life, and it's rare that powerful organizations stand up against the Vongola, because they know that somehow, Vongola will triumph in the end. They're more sensible than the smaller, but more rebellious associations in the mafia world, which is why I had assumed that this time was no different."
"That doesn't matter!" Gokudera objected loudly, scowling at me. "It doesn't matter if you think you can handle it yourself, because clearly, even though you're part of Varia, you can't."
"You wouldn't have fared so well against him yourself, Gokudera." Our heads whipped around to see who had spoken, though the baby-like tone had already told us. Reborn sat criss-crossed on Tsuna's shoulder, his black eyes revealing nothing about what he thought about the situation. His lips pulled down into a small frown. "You're finally up, Azumi."
I didn't know what to expect from the Arcobaleno, but I surely didn't want to hear any scolding. I knew that it was nearly impossible that he'd remain tranquil on the subject, though. And although I didn't want to get yelled at, I was prepared to accept whatever punishment that he had for me. I wondered if I would feel better if he got angry—maybe the guilt that was gnawing away at me would disappear.
"I brought you the dinner Mom wrapped up for you," Tsuna said softly, his smile slight.
"Thank y—" My sentence was interrupted as the little infant flew off of Tsuna's shoulder, sending a kick straight to my stomach. I gasped, the pain flaring. My eyes shut, but I wasn't sure whether it was due to the pain or if it was to hide the tears that threatened to fall.
Yes, the blow from Reborn hurt. And yet before he had kicked me, his eyes met mine. I felt like he had seen through me completely—was this him giving me an excuse? Was this his kindness? I didn't know, but I was grateful. It felt like he was giving me a warning as he brought me back to the surface, away from all the thoughts that I tried to bury deep down.
My hands unclasped themselves to fist into the blanket, and I squeezed my eyes shut even tighter, trying to ignore the pain from the hit and the throbbing in my heart. My eyes felt like they were being pricked in the back with needles, my throat closing up slightly. But I knew that this wasn't the time to pity myself—that this wasn't the time to feel like how I did. It was so horrible of me, and yet... I knew that when everyone was asleep, I'd still be awake, thinking of things I shouldn't be.
"R-Reborn!" Tsuna exclaimed frantically. "What are you doing? She's hurt!"
"Azumi doesn't need you to speak for her," Reborn retaliated. "It wasn't that hard of a kick. Azumi, we have important matters to discuss."
"Reborn!" Tsuna protested, and as my eyes opened, they took in the way he was standing next to the bed, holding a tray of homemade dinner. "Let her rest for a while longer. We can ask her when she's recovered!"
That wasn't right—I needed to forget, even if it was only temporarily.
My lips curled up slightly. "It's okay, Tsuna. Thanks for bringing me this." I reached my hands up, taking hold of the tray. He reluctantly let me, his hands hovering around in order to ensure I didn't drop anything. I placed the tray in my lap, my eyes darting from the bowl of warmed soup to the bowl of fried rice that was there. A small plate near the corner held some takoyaki, and there was a tall glass of water. Even though everything looked completely amazing, my eyes lingered on the takoyaki a bit longer than the rest, a pang hitting me in the chest. Had Nana made that specifically for me, thinking it'd make me feel better?
"We need to hear this," Gokudera said seriously, still eyeing me distastefully. However, something in his eyes had changed. I couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was, but it was different. He didn't seem as loathsome and enraged as he did earlier. "The earlier and the more we know, the better. We need to understand the situation, Tenth."
"But Azumi—"
"It's fine, Tsuna," I intervened gently, tugging on the sleeve of his shirt lightly. He looked down at me, his light walnut eyes shining with unease. I shook my head at him, offering him what I hoped was a reassuring smile. What Gokudera said was the absolute truth—there was no way Masaru would just give up that easily. For all we knew, everyone was still in immediate and serious danger. When he'd strike was something unknown to everyone, which was both unnerving and distressing.
"Stop whining, No-Good Tsuna," Reborn reprimanded, but it lacked its usual twinge of lightness. The tuxedo-clad infant settled himself on Yamamoto's shoulder after having left the edge of the bed he had been standing on. His eyes almost felt like they burned as he regarded me. "Tell us what happened. Don't leave anything out."
"I won't," I reassured him quietly. Except for the poison thing. Shaking off that thought, I recited to them what had happened from the very beginning. I told them about when I had started feeling an extra pair of eyes watching me and following me wherever I went, and about the bad feelings I had been experiencing. I gave as much detail as I could about Masaru without raising any suspicions about my own predicament.
Even though Gokudera had gotten so angry at me for not saying anything and telling him the truth earlier, I still couldn't bring myself to say it aloud. Remembering Yamamoto's kind eyes and the way his expression was when he looked at me, telling me I didn't have to carry the sky on my shoulders... It made me feel so horrible about keeping it a secret, but whenever I tried to say something about it, my tongue would freeze up.
The words just wouldn't leave my lips.
Was I afraid again?
Just thinking about it made my heart thump harder, more painfully inside my ribcage. It was such a horrible thing—to think that it had never changed even though it had been years. Even though I knew it was so pathetic, so absolutely stupid of me, there was no difference in the way I felt. It was just like that—like those things.
The fright that I felt shook me to the very core.
After I ended narrating my story from the beginning until the end, a brief moment of silence reigned over everyone. On all their faces was a grim expression, their eyebrows furrowed slightly together and their lips not holding their usual smiles or their usual gentleness. Their eyes were no longer smoldering liquid, but hardened jewels that looked beautiful, yet also scary.
"So that's what happened," Yamamoto murmured. He tried to smile, but even though his lips heaved upwards, his eyes conveyed a different sort of look. "You really are pretty cool."
"You idiot," Gokudera mumbled, running a hand through his silver locks in agitation. "This isn't the time to be spouting out compliments like that, baseball freak. This guy is dangerous."
"Have you ever heard of him, Reborn?" Tsuna asked, a tint of urgency and hopefulness in his tone.
The most trusted hitman of Vongola the Ninth was silent for a moment, his expression holding one of serious contemplation. He had his arms crossed in front of his small chest, the rim of his fedora blocking the light as well as his eyes. A shadow was cast along his face—and it was definitely something that I didn't like.
After another moment of silence in which no response emitted from the Arcobaleno, Tsuna tried again. "Reborn?"
Not even flicking Tsuna a glance, Reborn ordered, "Shut up, No-Good Tsuna. Can't you see I'm thinking?"
"S-Sorry!" Tsuna instantly apologized. He kept his gaze fixed on his home tutor, something like admiration and belief in his eyes. It was a gentleness that I had seen him look at many of his comrades with—Yamamoto, Gokudera, Ryohei, and even Lambo. Yet, even though such emotions swirled in his eyes, there was always something to counter the positives.
I murmured, "I've never heard of someone that goes by that name before, but then again, I don't know as much as Reborn does. I had never heard of such an ability before either. Is such a thing really even possible?"
"It sounds impossible," Gokudera muttered, his gaze intense. "With what you just told us though, it's clear that it's not as unattainable as we had originally thought."
"Isn't it possible that it's an illusion?" Tsuna offered hesitantly.
I froze up at the word, my heart almost stopping for a second before it restarted again faster, harder. My hands curled up into tighter fists, and my throat felt like it was closed so firmly that no air could get past, even though I knew that the sensation was exaggerated. The feelings that invaded me were so strong, I felt like I was going to drown in them.
"Azumi, you okay?" Yamamoto asked casually, a serious note to his usually light voice. His bright eyes held concern in them, and he raised both his eyebrows questioningly at me. The slight slant of his lips didn't tell me he was happy that I looked upset, but it was more of a reassuring kind of smile that had me instinctively trying to mirror it.
"You look paler," Tsuna commented, his eyebrows furrowing together a bit. "Are you feeling sick still?"
Shaking my head, I swallowed down the lump that had appeared in my throat. I tried to sound convincing as I said, "No, I'm fine. Really." I picked up the chopsticks that had been resting on the tray, preparing to eat the meal that Tsuna had brought up for me before it got cold. But I knew that I was just being a coward, since I didn't want to meet their prying, questioning gazes.
"What's wrong with you now, you idiotic woman?" Gokudera inquired, exasperation lacing his tone of voice.
"Azumi's horrible with illusions," Reborn announced to them all. Their scorching gazes left my figure temporarily to stare at the infant. While he continued speaking, I tried to swallow down the food that I put in my mouth, but couldn't really taste. "I've no doubt that if Fuuta were to rank all the Mafioso in the world about how they'd fare against illusions, Azumi would be number one as the person who'd lose without a doubt."
"Azumi would?" Tsuna sounded somewhat surprised, and also somewhat confused as well. He must've turned to look at me, and following the Vongola successor's eyes, so did Yamamoto and Gokudera.
Their eyes were so pressuring, I felt like choking on the rice that I tried to eat.
"You're not good with illusions?" Yamamoto's question was so innocent, but I felt like he had delivered a blow to my stomach.
"Not at all," I managed to admit. I didn't raise my eyes off from the food that I stared intently at, almost as if the most fascinating thing was imprinted on the rice and the side dishes. I wondered why, why, why Tsuna had to bring up such a thing. It was one of the things that I hated discussing about the most.
The Storm Guardian didn't seem very satisfied with my answer. "That's pathetic. How can someone who's so bad at handling illusions be part of Varia? You'll get roasted, and if what happened back there really was the work of an illusionist, then you're not going to be of any help at all!"
"I don't think it was an illusion," I responded hesitantly, not sure of how the jade-eyed male would respond. Gokudera had done a lot of yelling today, and I really didn't want to get another earful, even if I knew I deserved it. There was really only so much that I could take before I knew I'd break from it.
"And what makes you think that?" Gokudera asked, his roughly smooth tone sharpened with frustration. "Apparently, you're horrible with illusions—we can't trust what you say about it. For all you know, you didn't even hear the name correctly, and you didn't see the right face, either!"
His words stung, even though I knew that he was just being honest and factual. I really didn't know if I had been fooled or not. All I had was my gut instinct, but what kind of evidence was that? Yes, intuition mattered a lot, but I didn't have anything solid to prove that what I had seen was real. With the way they put it, I was beginning to wonder if I was wrong about it after all.
Gokudera was only pointing out the hard, real facts. I couldn't deny what he was saying, since he had a very valid point. But the very thought of having been in an illusion had me scowling already, the slight tremble of my hands not going unnoticed by the infant's eyes.
I wanted this subject to end already.
Saving me whether he intended to or not, the Arcobaleno voiced, "I agree with Azumi."
"Reborn-san?" Gokudera sounded more than just surprised. He paused for a moment, and I didn't need to look up from the food that I continued to stick mindlessly into my mouth to know he had opened and closed his mouth once before saying, "You're agreeing with what she says?"
"What's wrong with that?" Reborn returned.
"You said it yourself," Gokudera reminded the tutor, though everyone knew that Reborn always knew what he had said. "How can you trust her about it if it's something she's bad at? It's like giving the stupid cow one of our math homework questions and trusting that his answer's correct!"
Reborn's tone was matter-of-fact. "It's true that Azumi is more than just a bit useless when it comes to illusions." I frowned slightly at the sentence. I mean, it was completely true, but he could've phrased it a bit better. Continuing on, he said, "But that doesn't mean she can't tell the difference between an illusion and reality. She's good at that."
Confused, Tsuna said something that was bound to be on everyone's minds. "But you just said that Azumi isn't good with illusions..."
"She's not," Reborn confirmed. There was a slight upward light of his lips. "Azumi has the 'ability' to know when she's in an illusion or not. The fact that she's bad when in an illusion is different than being bad at knowing when she's in it. Stupid, No-Good Tsuna. You need to understand the meaning of things better. I'll have to beat it into you later."
"I don't really get it," Yamamoto honestly confessed.
"Of course you don't, baseball freak." There was no surprise in Gokudera's voice. "Reborn-san's saying that while Azumi isn't useful while in an illusion, that doesn't mean she can't tell the difference between reality and something made up."
Since I had just been stuffing my mouth with the food, chewing, and then swallowing without really paying attention to the taste, I finished the meal rather quickly. Even though I knew Reborn was definitely aware of how uncomfortable this subject made me, I also knew he wouldn't simply just stop it to fit my desire.
I wanted to sigh. Perhaps it was better that they found out about this now rather than later on, when we were all stuck in an illusion and they thought I had some super amazing plan to get them out, only to find out that I couldn't. The mere idea of being stuck in an illusion had my blood running a bit colder than usual. If Reborn hadn't told them about it now, I doubted that I would have managed to gather enough guts in me to confess it so straightforwardly. The uneasiness and the fear would have me chickening out of it before I even got the first word out.
"If that' so..." Tsuna trailed off, switching his eyes to me. "Then we should trust Azumi on this. After all, I'm sure that Azumi knows what she's talking about."
The faith that the spiky-haired brunette had in the people around him was amazing. It wasn't exactly a lie that I was able to realize when I was no longer in reality and instead placed into a false one, but he didn't even know that for sure. He just trusted what he heard from Reborn, and while I understood that they shared a very deep bond with one another, I couldn't help but wonder how he trusted me so much even though I hadn't been honest with him for the past few years.
Tsuna was much too innocent. He was soft, gentle, and kind. It wasn't as if the mafia world didn't have such people, because it did. The Ninth shared similar qualities as well, but there was something just different about Tsuna. Growing up learning about how to kill someone with a paper clip, the mindset that I established was different from his. And from the perspective of someone like me, the way Tsuna thought was more than just a little bit naive. But I felt like it was because his thoughts were so innocent and chaste that people found a sanctuary in him that they felt they wouldn't find anywhere else.
It was rare to find someone like Tsuna in the mafia world, and I was beginning to understand that it wasn't just Tsuna, but his Guardians as well.
"Tenth?" Gokudera's voice was laced with incredulity.
"We can't just say she's completely wrong," Yamamoto smiled up at the standing dynamite-user. "Have some faith, Gokudera."
The male shook his head, folding his arms across his chest. His expression was contorted into a scowl. "You guys trust what other people say too easily." And then in a quieter voice, he mumbled, "But that's definitely what's special about you, Tenth…"
My voice was hushed. "But Gokudera's right..."
"Azumi?" My name came from Tsuna's lips softly.
I kept my eyes trained on the empty bowl and plates of food placed on the tray in front of me. "Maybe... Maybe I really wasdeceived..." Gokudera certainly wasn't the first and only person to question my judgment in battle. Many people in Varia, as well, always wondered whether or not the information I gave them was correct due to my inability to withstand illusions. Only a few people had always believed me, and for that I was so grateful to them, just like how I felt towards Tsuna and Yamamoto for believing me.
Yet, no matter how many times I got doubted for it, it still hurt a bit to think that I'd never gain the same sort of trust and respect that Squalo had, or Kazuki, or Suzu. I couldn't live up to my parents or my siblings. When Squalo had been my age, he was already known worldwide for his amazing swordsmanship and had people fearing him. Nobody had doubted his ability when it came to battle, and it wasn't as if he was loved by everyone, but he was never belittled or disrespected. Kazuki had also left his mark in the mafia world at my age when he had singlehandedly destroyed a few enemy Famiglia.
It was hard to live up to the expectations that had been brought down on me ever since I had been born, since my parents and Kazuki were so adept at what they did. I had always disappointed everyone. I was never as great as Suzu or as astonishing as Kazuki. I had been completely helpless before, but even now, when things were like this... I had barely grazed what they wanted from me.
Or maybe, after all this time, they realized it was stupid for them to even anticipate something from me anymore.
Someone like me, who was never meant to be in this world... What was I supposed to do?
I had been so absorbed in my own thoughts that I only snapped back to reality when something slapped me across the face. Instinctively reaching up to touch my throbbing cheek, I turned to meet the eyes of Reborn, who held a flyswatter that Leon had transformed into.
"What are you saying, idiot? Have some confidence for once, will you? You're being pathetic again, like you always were before. Don't tell me that you haven't changed at all from back then."
Looking at one of the strongest Mafioso in front of me, staring at me with his dark obsidian eyes that shined with hard expectance in them, I wasn't sure whether or not to feel better. Expectations once more... but that was exactly what they were.
He had expectations for me.
My feelings were all jumbled together, and I wasn't even sure how I felt about anything anymore. It wasn't the first time that my mind was in such a disorganized, chaotic mess in which all I felt was mystified, but it was the first time in quite a while. I supposed it was because for the past few months, there had never been anything for me to worry about or for me to be confused over, since I hadn't ever encountered an illusionist. And even if I had, I had always been with someone so nobody had ever said much about it.
After all, everyone in Vongola knew.
They knew exactly why I was so dysfunctional when faced with illusions, and why I was so horrible with them. They knew why, and they said that they understood it—that it wasn't my fault. But no matter how hard they tried to hide their disappointment and their disapproval, I could see it so clearly.
Having confidence was something that I couldn't bring myself to do. I couldn't have a sincerely self-assured attitude regarding myself. I knew that there were many people around me who believed vastly in their abilities, and it was always wholehearted. Squalo took so much pride in himself, as did Xanxus. I wasn't a fan of Levi, but I knew that he was able to appreciate his skills properly. Kazuki was modest, but I knew he was aware he wasn't just an average Mafioso. Suzu was indifferent when speaking of it, but her confidence oozed out from the way she moved and how she acted.
And me? I had never genuinely known the word "confidence."
So what was he talking about?
As if reading my mind, Reborn's lips tugged downwards even more, and the flyswatter connected with my face another time. The hit was harder, sharper, and on the same cheek. The sound of being slapped with the pest-hitter seemed to bounce off Tsuna's bedroom walls, and everyone besides Reborn and I had been staggered into silence.
Unable to bring myself to lift my eyes up and meet Reborn's, I kept my dark cobalt eyes trained on my clenched fists. I bit down on my lip roughly, squeezing my eyes shut.
What was I doing? What was I doing?
"Oi, pull yourself together," Reborn demanded sternly. "You're going to let what Gokudera said get to you?"
"W-Wha—I didn't even do anything!" Gokudera protested in a stutter, sounding stunned that Reborn had mentioned his name.
I didn't want to think about it. I didn't want to delve deeper into a subject that seemed to turn me upside down and inside out. And I certainly didn't want to break down in front of Tsuna and the others. They wouldn't know what to do, and they wouldn't know what was wrong.
I wouldn't be able to bring myself to tell them.
"What happened? I... can't remember." I said softly, my eyes lifting off my fists to stare pleadingly into Reborn's. I wanted him to let this all slip, to just let it disappear for a moment. He could insult me all he wanted later, and he could lecture me until he was pleased, but not now. Not when we were in front of people who had never been involved in it—something that I would like to keep.
His onyx eyes stared at me, as if gauging just how desperately I wanted to escape from it all, even for just a moment. His lips were pulled into a frown as he contemplated which course of action would be the best one to take—to press the issue, or to drop it and pick it up once again later on.
Luckily, Yamamoto saved me unintentionally. "Well, what don't you remember?"
"After Masaru left," I murmured, "and you guys came... I don't know what happened after that. Who—" I swallowed, my stomach knotting in dreadful anticipation, "—who cleaned my wounds?"
"We brought you to Dino-san's," Tsuna informed me with a slight, hesitant smile. "Reborn suggested it. The kind maids there cleaned your wounds."
Relief crashed down on me, and I immediately felt my own body relaxing. Thank the heavens that it wasn't Nana—she would have been horrified, and I wasn't sure how she would've reacted. I certainly didn't want anyone in Tsuna's Family finding out about it, which was why it was completely fine if I had been taken care of by members in the Chiavarone Famiglia, since they were aware of the situation that had taken place years ago.
Letting out a long, comforted breath that I hadn't even known I was holding, I said, "I see."
"You're lucky Yamamoto caught you in time," Gokudera informed me, his voice still somewhat angry and bitter. "If he hadn't, your head probably would've been split open."
"Ah, so the one that had caught me had been you, Yamamoto?" I inquired, glancing up at the tall baseball player. A smile crawled onto my face, and I beamed at him. "Thank you so much."
He let out a chuckle, one of his hands going up to ruffle the back of his short ebony hair. "I'm just glad I could make it in it. It was a close call."
I wasn't surprised at all, though. I knew just how fast Yamamoto was, and his long legs also helped him. His strides were long and quick, and while I was sure he hadn't exactly reached me entirely, he still managed to prevent my head from slamming into the floor. It was something that I was immensely grateful for—I hated any damage done to my head. I had gotten a concussion once, and I didn't ever want to go through it again.
"How did you guys find me?" I looked around at them, my eyebrows pulling together faintly. It was something that had been bothering me before, since I didn't recall ever telling them about the meeting spot. I was sure that none of them had been following me while I was making my way over to Masaru's base, either. I couldn't figure out how the group would've found me.
"Obviously we found it strange that you weren't at school," Gokudera grumbled, not looking at me as he spoke. In fact, his head was turned adamantly the other way to stare out the window, like he thought staring at me would destroy his brain cells. "When the Tenth asked around, we figured out that nobody saw you at all, so we got suspicious."
"You left your schoolbag at home," Tsuna continued, a nervous smile entering his features. "W-We... We sort of..."
"They went through your bag," Reborn said frankly.
"H-Hey, Reborn!" Tsuna exclaimed in objection. "Don't just put all the blame on us. Youwere the one who suggested it!"
"Well of course, No-Good Tsuna," Reborn retorted easily, not looking fazed at all by the accusation. "It was the only natural thing to do. And you're lucky that we found it, Azumi."
My eyebrows completely strung together as I stared at the Arcobaleno uncomprehendingly. They had gone through my bag, but I wasn't sure what I had in there that would have given them any clues about my whereabouts. The fact that they had ransacked through my schoolbag didn't bother me in the slightest—Squalo and other members of Varia frequently rampaged through my shared room, so I was used to the lack of privacy when it came to what I had in my house or in my bags and coats.
"Um," I started hesitantly, "what exactly did you find?"
Reborn pulled something out of his pocket, unfolding the small square. It unraveled to show a badly creased paper that had obviously been crumpled prior to being folded. He held the small sheet up in front of him, and my eyes widened in recognition. "This."
"Didn't I—?" I stopped my sentence, my mind flashing back to when I had received the note. Remembering the scene, I realized that I really hadn't thrown it away. After the man gave it to me, I had wrinkled it in my hand and thrown it into my bag, thinking I'd throw it out later that night. Yet Lambo, I-Pin, and Fuuta had distracted me with their enthusiastic games, and I hadn't remembered the note at all.
"Azumi..." Tsuna trailed off, his eyes burning into my head. I couldn't bring myself to look at him, and my hands clenched into tight fists. "You should've said something."
"I'm sorry," I apologized quietly. "But it's not as if it was that bad. I mean, I'm still—"
Another slap to the cheek, and I inhaled deeply to keep myself from asking Reborn to stop. I wasn't sure why he felt the need to hit me, and I wasn't sure if I actually deserved it, but I didn't want to cause any more trouble than I already did. If I opened my mouth again, I was sure that something else would be detonated.
"What were you going to say, Azumi?" Reborn demanded, his voice quiet. It was what made him seem all the more menacing. When I snuck a hesitant glance at him, his eyes were hidden under the shadow of his fedora, his grip on Leon tight and his other hand clenched into a fist. Hearing such a serious tone from him had me almost flinching away from him in fear.
I had dealt with members in enemy Famiglia that held deadly weapons. I had faced off against enormous armies of men that were twice my size. I had gone into missions that held a high chance of succeeding, yet the chances of everyone coming out alive were slim. Assassinating other Bosses were also deeds I had done with my fellow Varia members. And yet I had never felt as scared as I did now, facing the Sun Arcobaleno.
"What, do you think that since you're not dead, what you did was okay?" The room was so silent that even though Reborn spoke in such a soft volume, it sounded as if his words were thunderous enough to break down the walls.
My mouth opened to respond, but then it shut just as quickly. My hands shook slightly at his words. I wanted to tell him that he was wrong, but I knew that he wasn't. I was going to say that since I was still alive, it was okay that I hadn't said anything.
After a few moments of terse, almost suffocating silence, Gokudera's slightly rough voice broke through it. "You're like how I was." When my eyes snapped to meet his, he continued, "Willing to give your life up for it. Willing to die for your friends."
This time, I managed to say what I wanted to. "You're wrong!"
"Like hell I am," Gokudera retorted.
"I'm not... I'm not self-destructive!" I exclaimed, speaking the truth. "Just because I'm in Varia, it doesn't mean that we're taught to forfeit ourselves when we know that it won't do anything. We're elites—we know when doing like sacrificing ourselves will result in nothing. That wasn't what I was doing."
"Then what were you doing?" The jade-eyed dynamite user demanded.
"Like I said—it's unusual for powerful organizations to go up against Vongola," I repeated what I said earlier. "I didn't expect something like this. I'm sorry, I really am."
Yamamoto seemed to take pity on me, as he said, "We really shouldn't be doing this right now. I mean, after all, this heavy atmosphere must be bad for her health, right? Azumi still needs to get healthier, so let's all talk when you're feeling better."
The look I gave him was more than just grateful. I looked at him almost as if he was my hero. His response was an upward tilt of the lips that automatically had me relaxing a bit.
"Yamamoto's right," Tsuna agreed softly, hesitantly. "We can speak about this a little later."
"Yeah," Reborn decided. "We will." To me, it sounded more like a threat than a simple agreement.
Gokudera looked like he was about to protest, but upon seeing the looks that the brunette and the onyx-haired baseball player gave him, he relented unhappily. "Fine."
"Thanks," I murmured softly. Relief washed over me at the closing of our discussion. I didn't want to speak of it anymore. I hated how we only seemed to be speaking of depressing subjects—especially ones that stomped on my nerves. My cheek, too, felt like another slap to it would have it swelling up to the size of a watermelon.
"Get some rest, Azumi," Tsuna instructed me in his voice that, while he probably didn't know, sounded like a caress. It was a soft, tender voice that made me feel like I was being surrounded in white feathers every time he spoke. He took the tray of eaten food from me, and blinked down at me with his large chocolate orbs.
"...Yeah," I sighed quietly, lying back down. I pulled the covers up to my shoulders not because I was cold, but because I felt like it would protect me from the rest of them. Almost as if I thought it'd protect me from the feelings that I held.
Turning over onto my side so that my back faced them, I shut my eyes and pretended to be asleep. It was so obvious that I wasn't truly resting, and I was sure that they were aware of that fact as well.
It wasn't long before they exited the room, leaving me with my own thoughts.
The moonlight that streamed through the opened crack of Tsuna's curtain illuminated the three figures that slept in futons on the floor. It turned out that Gokudera and Yamamoto would be sleeping over for a while, so that if Masaru decided to attack, it would be safer with all three of them together. Hibari, of course, would be alone, and I worried about Ryohei. Tsuna had said that they had invited Ryohei to sleep over as well, but he was concerned about Kyoko being targeted, and he wanted to stay to protect her.
Reborn was sleeping, like always, in his hammock that hung from the ceiling dressed in his matching pajamas and his night cap on. His hands were clasped together and placed on his stomach. It surprised me that he never seemed to move at all in his sleep, opposed to Tsuna, who thrashed around and often kicked the blanket off his bed.
The fact that the trio of Nami Middle students were sleeping so soundly with one another had me smiling. Opposed to their serious, drawn faces when we had been speaking earlier on, while they slept, their faces were relaxed and much less fierce. It was a contentedness that I knew they probably only received while unconscious.
However, as the reason that explained why the two Guardians were here came back and hit me, I couldn't bring myself to smile anymore.
Danger was near, and it was closing in on everyone. The dread that I felt only seemed to intensify, but no matter how hard I wracked my brain for ideas, I came up with blanks.
Maybe if it was her, things would be different.
But she wasn't here, this was me, and I didn't know what to do.
Sighing, I lifted up one side of my shirt to reveal my abdomen, my eyes narrowing and my lips thinning. My hands clenched the fabric of my shirt tighter, my heart pounding harder as his menacing voice said haunting words inside my mind, his face fluttering through the white canvas of my thoughts.
Because in the light that the glowing crescent above provided, one could clearly see the pale sapphire marks shaped like cherry blossom petals scattered all over my skin.
A/N:
And that concludes the eleventh chapter of You, Who Will Never be Bound!I hope that you guys enjoyed it! (:
It definitely wasn't as long as my previous chapter, so I hope that this wall of text wasn't completely blinding. HAHA? xD
I apologize for any OOCness, grammar mistakes, or spelling errors!
LOTS OF LOVE AND THANKS TO;
Luka'sBlade, sky of c-o-l-o-r-s, Audanna, kimichee, Yukari-chan s2, Nomurai, VongolaXII, AkainoHotaru, lokiwokf, xXMizukiXx, , Youknowwhothisis, manabi, Guest, Guest, and arkee
Thank you guys so much for your encouraging reviews! You have no idea how much it means to me! (:
And also, thanks a bunch to everyone who read the story and favourited or alerted... and preferably both! XD
WARNING: UPCOMING WALLS OF TEXT AS RESPONSES!
To Luka'sBlade;
Aww, thank you for having so much faith in me and my ability to keep characters in character. xD And thank you for your compliments. HAHA, to be honest, you're not the first person who has told me that. I've been told my stories have a tendency to roll rather slowly, and I'm quite sorry about that! I think it's because when authors rush stories, it irritates me, so I always end up taking a lot of time with mine. OTL. I finally updated, so I hope you like this chapter! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts! (:
To Nomurai;
ASDNGOWENBO. LOL. I'm sorry that I took almost forever to get that one up! This one took a while too, and it's not nearly as long... Forgive me? -sheepish smile- Yup, Azumi has a brother and a sister. HOHO. It's a bit over a month, but I finally got this one done. WERE they cool? LOL. I have no idea. I'm glad you think they're awesome; I was worried that people would they that they're lame. HAHA. Thank you for your continuous support! I hope that you liked this chapter! ;D
To VongolaXII;
I'M SORRY. OTL. But I'm the kind of author that likes long chapters and fewer chapters rather than a million chapters that are only a few pages long. X.x I'm glad that you love Azumi! I think that some people find her irritating, considering that fact that most people tend to dislike nice OCs, but y'know. Thanks for always showing me your support, and I hope you liked this chapter! (:
To AkainoHotaru;
I'm glad that you love this story! I'm sorry that I made you sit and just read super long chapters for a day, though. HAHA. I'm probably not going to be super active despite the summer, but I'm hoping that things will be less hectic in August. Maybe it's just wishful thinking on my part, though. -sigh- I'm so glad that you like Azumi! I'm always worried that people don't, since she isn't one of those sassy, fiery types that I think most people enjoy. Thank god you think I captured him alright. It's one of the scariest and most fretful things as a fanfic writer; getting the characters' personalities down, especially the main ones. FIVE HUNDRED? A THOUSAND? Ahmygosh, that's a lot. LOL. I'm glad that you think my writing and this story is worthy enough to get such amazing responses! But I think I've got a long way to go. Though if you keep flattery me like that, I might get even more greedy than I already am. =P I hope to hear from you often, and that you enjoyed this chapter! Thank you so much for your time! (:
To xXMizukiXx;
Ahh. Azumi's really not that amazing in battle despite being in Varia. LOL. I guess I didn't really mention that, but it DOES come up later on in the story. I go into detail about it later~ (: I like to think that Azumi has lots of flaws, but then again, I'm biased. Like always. xD DO I ALWAYS WRITE ABOUT THE HARD CHARACTERS? I don't really notice it. I usually just write about the characters that I like the most. -DIES- I think that it's impossible to keep an original character actually IN COMPLETE character when with an OC or any other person if it's not official, but I DO hope that I can make his change subtle and believable. Thanks so much for your encouragement! I hope that you liked this chapterrrr. (:
And that concludes my huge paragraphs of responses!
I don't really have much to say except for...
ONE: Since there's a new way of reviewing for anonymous reviewers, it doesn't allow you to put your name to it. I don't like that, since I don't know who I'm talking to and because I really don't want to refer to every anonymous reviewer as "Guest." Because of this, I'd love it if you're an anon to sign the bottom your review so that I know who I'm addressing! It'd be much appreciated, unless you WANT to all be called "Guest"... xD?
TWO: My spellcheck on this thing still isn't working. Is it just me? -DIES- So I'm sorry if the italicized words still string together!
THREE: Hi. (:
There really isn't much to say except that the time is ticking on the clock for Azumi now, right? (: I hope that this keeps you guys wondering~
Once again, I'm sorry for the late update. OTL. I hope that I can update again soon ( my definition of soon is like... Two weeks? ) but I KNOW that I'll definitely update once a month! So... ENBOEWNBOWEB. ( Not very impressive, I know. OTL. )
Tell me your thoughts in a review or a PM! Love it, hate it, like it, dislike it? I don't bite! (:
See you guys again soon!
XOXO,
-EverlastingxSong-