God knows why but I've written another chapter. And thank you SO MUCH for all the lovely review-y comment-y things, it means like loads that some people actually read the shit I write.
Also, do any of you have any strong opinions on sex scenes? It'd be awesome if you could let me know if you think one would ruin this fic or I'm not good enough to write a half-decent one or if it would scar you for life. Cos I don't wanna like offend anyone. (God only knows why you're reading this if you're going to be offended by a bit of sex, but whatever)
Okay love you bye.
Nikki's POV
I should probably sit next to her, and hold her hand. But I don't, of course I don't. I just sit opposite her as I silently wish that I could read her mind. She's drumming her fingers quickly on the table, nails tapping dully on the thick wood as she looks blankly out of the window, out towards the windswept bay. I sit opposite her. She's stressed, worried. I can tell.
"It's just, you know, she's had issues in the past, god, maybe she's still got issues, I don't know" she's talking about Christine. Her voice quick. She could be mistaken for being casual, careless almost. But I know she's stressed. I can see it in her face, the way her eyes flicker across my face too quickly. Whatever her meeting was about, I know it didn't exactly go well.
"And you don't think she's a good influence on Michael?"
"No, I just worry about her making him look bad."
"To be fair, he isn't exactly squeaky-clean either, remember all that stuff with his dad."
"But-"
"What was he arrested for? Murder or manslaughter? Whichever, that looks a just little worse than dating an ex-alcoholic."
"And she hates me"
"No she doesn't" I frown earnestly. "You worry about that damn school too much, don't you Lorraine?"
"Yeah, oh god I worry about it constantly" she replies quickly. "All the time, it's all I've got really, you know?"
"Your business-"
"Practically runs itself these days. So many people work for me, I mean, I still have meetings and management things to do, but that's all the boring stuff. Accountants and bank transfers and...and it makes my head hurt just thinking about it." She's propping her head in her hands. And again, I think about reaching out and holding her hand across the table, but I don't. Of course I don't. Because we're in public and I know that she wouldn't like it. She would like me to hold her hand, of course, but she would hate for anyone to see us. So I don't.
"It's all just a headache?"
"God, yeah. The school is a headache too, but at least the school is worth it. I get to see all the kid's happy little faces, inspired to learn. I mean, look at bloody Barry Barry.." she's smiling sarcastically, rolling her eyes.
"Hey, no." I frown. "It does change their lives, I mean, look at Scout, I mean, Jodie Allen-"
"That was all down to you." Her voice soft suddenly. She's tilting her chin down, drinking her coffee. I watch her.
"She couldn't have done it without the school." I reply. She smiles. "And the school wouldn't be there if it wasn't for you."
"She couldn't have done it without you" she insists.
"Me and you and the school then, whatever" I shrug. "What a winning combination." She smiles as I speak.
"You're right, I do worry about the school too much. It's like I don't have enough to worry about, so I stress about the school instead. It's my baby" She's shaking her head, curls falling all over her face. She's shuffling in her seat too, pulling her skirt half an inch further down her thigh. I reach under the table, and hold her hand. Just for a fraction of a second. She smiles, and I wait until I can see her smile press into her cheeks before I drop her hand. And the smile slides off her face. And now she reaches towards me, brushing her palm across my knee.
"We could, we could go back to mine, if...if you wanted?" She suggests it quietly, slowly. As though she's being sure to keep her voice entirely neutral, not suggesting anything. Her face tells a different story, as her eyes flicker over my lips, and she unconsciously grasps her bottom lip between her perfect teeth. I can't help but smile.
"Okay" I nod. And then she smiles properly. Confident, happy. Sending my heart racing. She gets up, and flexes her arm slightly, as though she were going to reach out and hold my hand. She doesn't though, of course she doesn't. I can feel the tension between us, clinging between our bodies as we leave the coffee shop. She's leading the way, and I follow her. Watching the way she walks, the way her blond curls tumble all over her shoulders. Her head high, confident. Her bag thrown over one shoulder, six inch heels and a tight skirt. God.
And we're walking slowly along the promenade. My hands in my pockets, her arms folded across her chest. She's laughing at something I said, but I can already barely remember what it was. Because she's so beautiful that she forces all other thought from my mind.
"I'd hold your hand, you know, if I could" I look down at her as she speaks.
"Oh" I murmur. I look at the sea for almost a fraction of a second before my eyes are somehow magnetically drawn back to her. It's almost as though I can't help but look at her. Maybe I can't help it. God.
"I really like you Nikki" She grins, nodding slightly. I nod right back.
"I really like you too" And she already knows it, of course she does.
All her hair is flying around her face, dancing into messy curls in the cool spring breeze, laced with bitter sea salt. And her eyes are precisely the same shade as the sea. If I were to kiss her right now, her lips would taste of salt and vanilla lipgloss and the coffee we'd drunk, I know they would. I can imagine exactly how they'd taste, how the softness of her lips and her skin would be marred by rough salt. Friction. Fiction in my head, because I won't kiss her. Not here. But she's beautiful. And then she smiles. And suddenly, she's not just beautiful anymore, she's something more than that. She's stunning, breathtaking. I close my eyes for a heartbeat. And when I open them, she's still right beside me.
"I really like you" I repeat those words to her, and they are snatched from my tongue by the quick wind. I didn't think she could hear me over the crashing waves, but suddenly her smile is wider and she's walking slightly closer to me. Her shoulder brushing against my own, so close I can smell her perfume, and she's still smiling up at me.
"Oh god, I could kiss you right now" she's laughing, giggling softly. I don't say a word.
Lorraine's POV
"Do you want a drink babe?" I ask her, carefully. Already reaching for two wine glasses and feeling my hot palm collide with the cold glass. Like smooth, sticky ice. She shakes her head.
"No, I'm okay" she's smiling, sitting carefully on the very edge of the sofa. I wonder if she's as nervous as I am. She can't be.
"Are you sure?" I murmur. Thinking about replacing my wine glass. And she touches her tongue to her lips.
"I don't want a drink, but you have one, I don't mind" she shrugs. I look at her for a second, and sigh. I do need a drink. So I pour myself a glass of wine. White wine. To steady my nerves. I'm hoping ice-cold alcohol will take the edge off the burning tension in my chest. I hope it will. I pour my drink. My hand shakes, the bottle slips. A single splash of crystal clear liquid on the granite counter top. She doesn't notice. And then I sit beside her on the sofa. Cradling the cool glass between my sticky palms. I cross my legs. She clears her throat.
"I've had a great afternoon" she's smiling.
"You don't have to be polite, I'm not exactly the world's best date, am I?" I shrug as though it doesn't matter. Taking a sip of wine. And then another. Watching her as she wriggles a little bit closer to me.
"Don't say that." She frowns sincerely. I sip more wine. I want her to snuggle even closer to me. I want to kiss her, make her be quiet. Or maybe I just want her to kiss me. And she's watching me, a smile still playing on her lips.
"And I'm...I'm a little rusty at this whole dating lark" I'm looking away from her. And she clasps her hands together, resting her chin on them.
"I don't believe you" she shrugs, smiling. Teasing me maybe.
"No, it's been...ages since I've dated someone...someone properly." I smile shyly.
"Oh come on, you're funny, you're clever, you're hot. What's not to want to date?" she's grinning. Leaning back casually into the sofa.
"Shut up, I'm not any of those things, and I'm so bad at dating." I sit, nervous almost. My knees together, leaning forwards slightly, cupping my glass of wine between my palms.
"You're not doing that bad at dating. In fact, I think you're doing a damn good job" she smiles faintly as I bite at my bottom lip. Her smile widens a fraction. "Not that I'm any expert, it's been ages since I've, I don't know, had anything serious, either."
"Really?" I blink up at her.
"Yeah, I mean, I dated a few times when I was at university, but then I went in the army and, well, you don't have that much time for a girlfriend then. Everything was always so long-distance, and I was away for months at a time. And when you're that young, I mean, who wants a girlfriend who you only see once every four months?" She looks away from me for an instant. I think her back stiffens slightly, she sits up straighter. Suddenly miles away from me, under the burning Afghan sun, or in a cold barracks. I don't know.
"That must've been hard" I whisper. Because I don't know what else to say, of course I don't. She just shrugs and smiles. Back in an instant.
"It was okay. And why haven't you dated? You've got no excuse, and you must've had the girls falling all over you back in London" And she's smiling, teasing me a little.
"No, no, I really didn't. And I'm shit at asking people out. And I'm always busy, you know. I don't...I mean, I've never really have that much time for dating people." I speak quickly, trying to convince myself as much as her. She nods, as though she understands. She doesn't. She doesn't say anything either. So I continue to speak, too quickly. Scared that if I stop I might never start again. "I mean, I dated some boys when I was at school, but I was very good at leaving them if they...when they, I mean, before things got...physical..." I trail off. She looks at me, her eyes flickering all over my face.
"And that's it, just boys at school?" She tilts her chin down, to look me straight in the eye. Suddenly serious.
"No, I mean, I've slept with..." I sigh, looking around the room quickly. Looking for the right words. She's silent, watching me. "I...I get drunk and I...I sleep with people, and then we never talk again. Not that we talked much to begin with. Mainly fucking." I don't know what else to say. So I give her the blunt, honest truth.
"Oh" she murmurs. She's frowning a little bit, but her eyes still everywhere, as though she were trying to read my thoughts on my face. "Why?"
"Because...because this is scary. And it's easier not to be brave." I can't look at her. Looking up, blinking away the tears that press into my eyes, burning and unwelcome. Creeping across my vision. Blurring the world into the hot threat of tears. I blink.
"Oh" she says again. This time she nods a fraction.
"I sound stupid-" I whisper. I know she can hear tears in my voice. I take a deep, shuddering breath.
"No, no you don't" She's shaking her head and pulling me a little bit closer. And looking at me as though she were about to kiss me. She doesn't. She just watches my face, my lips, the way my eyes move.
"I'm sorry, it's just...I mean, I've never really spoken about...any of this" I think my voice might be shaking. I look up desperately towards the ceiling, scared that I might be about to cry. I don't think I will though. And she reaches out, taking my wine glass from me and brushing my hair away from my face. And then she leans forwards, kissing me. I breathe onto her lips. A sigh filled with boiling hot relief and burning fear and scalding embarrassment. And her lips taste of cold salt and comfort. Numbing, silencing. So that all I know are her lips and her skin and her hands holding me closer.
"I'm sorry" I whisper. Resting my forehead against hers. Nose to nose. Squeezing my eyes closed so that I don't have to think. I can concentrate on the hot lights bursting like fireworks behind my eyelids. Popping across my vision.
"What are you sorry about" she murmurs gently. I don't open my eyes. She kisses my top lip. And holds my head in her hands.
I move slightly closer to her, shuffling across the sofa. And she, she puts her arm around me. I snuggle back, resting my head on her shoulder. And I feel happy. She kisses me. Really softly, just brushing her lips against my own. And then she pulls away from me. My eyes flicker open. And she's looking at me.
"Kiss me again" I whisper, leaning towards her. She teases me, moving her chin away from me so my lips can't collide with hers. "Come on Nikki-" I murmur. I feel her laugh silently. And I hold her chin, kissing her properly now. Running my hands through her hair. And both her hands on my waist. Holding me tighter, pulling my body closer to hers. And then, suddenly, I don't want to wait. I just want her. I push her back onto the sofa roughly. Leaning over her. Kissing her. And she giggles.
"Lorraine," she gasps through her laughter and my kisses. Her hands on my waist, nails in my skin.
"Shh" I whisper. Kissing her again. Her lips are still hot with laughter. I kick off my heels, sending them clattering to the floor. And I'm breathing onto her lips.
"You're beautiful" she breathes through the kisses. And I just shrug all my hair over one shoulder. Platinum blonde curls. Her fingers tracing little circles over my skin.
"Shh" I whisper again. And she props herself up on one arm, leaning towards me. Feeling my breathing get a fraction heavier, my heartbeat beginning to race. I run my nails across her back. And she kisses me again, beautifully slowly.