A/N: I think my favourite review from the last chapter has to be "Wow, Lilly is completely dense." Thank you Avarenda! And to the rest of you who reviewed... It was a complicated chapter, but are you ready for more? I think you are.
Deaths of Flowers
Chapter 11 – Firsts
There is love in your body but you can't hold it in.
It pours from your eyes and spills from your skin.
The tenderest touch leaves the darkest of marks,
And the kindest of kisses break the hardest of hearts…
The world was bleak and from within herself Lilly felt darker still. Lilly blinked her eyes open, though this was a difficult action to make; they were sore and dry from little sleep and the effort it had taken to cry until she had drifted away at last from the world that she knew.
Lilly's body felt heavy as she dented the mattress below her in her motionless slump on the bed. Inside she felt hollow, yet jagged around the edges, like an egg that had been boiled and scooped out until only the shell remained. She closed her eyes again, willing sleep back upon herself. But this failed and only the picture of Miley's face – with her broken expression, filled her mind and sent a tremor of dread rattling through her.
She jerked her eyes open once more and pulled her body up into a sitting position on the bed, hugging her knees into her chest in an attempt to summon back the life that she was lacking. This failed, and her eyes were drawn to the door that separated her from the hallway, which was the last remaining distance to cross until she was back with Miley: if Miley was in their flat.
Lilly hadn't even heard Miley come in during the night and, considering how fretfully she had been sleeping, she couldn't take this as a good sign. However, just as Lilly was contemplating this, she heard Miley's door creak open and the softest of footsteps made their way to the kitchen.
It's now or never, Lilly's mind was set and she climbed out of her bed, pausing at her door for a delayed moment longer, before following her best friend into their living area.
Lilly waited in the doorway whilst she watched Miley from behind, fully dressed, selecting a bottle of water from the fridge. She cleared her throat and Miley's body stilled instantly, "Good morning." Lilly said, yet all that came out was a strained murmur.
Miley's stance did not alter, but she slowly turned to face Lilly and as soon as the blonde's eyes fell upon her best friend, she wished she hadn't left her room. Miley's hair was crumpled with a lack of effort in grooming that was surprising for the always-presentable Miley. The clothes she wore were plain and comfortable, as if she didn't care how she looked or how she was perceived. She wore sneakers even though the day was promising perfect sunshine through their windows, with a long hooded top that was sure to keep all light from most of her skin.
All of these details were trivial when Lilly found herself lost in Miley's face. Her friend looked wretched and hopelessly misplaced. Her eyes were dark blue, and even darker from the purple shadows that had formed under them from a sleepless night. Miley's skin was pale and she even seemed lined about the eyes, but that was probably because they were dry too. Yet even for all of this, Lilly found that her heartbeat had become more animated when Miley met her eyes, and that some warmth was being spread through the emptiness she felt.
"Good morning, Lilly." Miley muttered back.
"Are you going out?" Lilly asked timidly, since Miley's bag was on the counter beside her and she had glanced over to the door.
"I'm going to the library; I need to work on my term paper." Miley's voice was dull and rang heavily in Lilly's ears.
"But, it's only eight o'clock…" Lilly stated softly, and she noticed the plea in her voice for Miley to stay with her.
Miley seemed to have heard it, "I can't stay in the flat, Lilly. Not today." Miley's eyes flickered away, "I need to get out."
"Oh." Lilly felt the warmth within her die, her hope had been extinguished, "When will you be back?"
Miley shrugged, "Later. I don't know when."
Lilly watched Miley's eyes become trained on the kitchen tiles while she made her way over to the door, "Miley…" Lilly paused when her friend stopped, "Later, we should talk."
Miley sighed and let herself out of their flat, leaving Lilly standing and feeling her resilience break. Once the door had swung shut behind Miley, Lilly's body drooped and she fell to her knees on the kitchen floor. Lilly wrapped her arms tightly around her torso, for fear that she would break apart, but she didn't. Somewhere inside this misery a light was pricking the dark and driving it away. Lilly daren't open her eyes and accept the notion, the possible truth that her mind was putting forward to her, because it seemed farfetched and if she was wrong then she would never heal again.
I love her, and that's the beginning of everything.
Lilly rocked back until she was sitting on the floor, leaning against one of the cupboards. She allowed herself to rest her head against the cool wood of the cabinet and opened her eyes to stare at the blank white of the ceiling. However, it was internally that Lilly was looking and she saw nothing of the external world.
"It wasn't just my words…" Lilly muttered to herself, allowing her voice to speak so that she could put together the pieces more clearly, "Everybody needs inspiration… When the nights are long…" Lilly frowned, from confusion rather than any other emotion, "My words inspired Miley to write a song." Lilly's mouth twitched, and a smile was close to forming, but she didn't have time to dwell on that, "You appear just like a dream to me…Those weren't my words either. Miley was using my words, with her music, as inspiration. Miley once told me that she only wrote what was going on in her heart, that if she felt carefree and happy she wrote songs like that. When she was sad, her music followed, and when she was lonely she wrote about needing friends..." Lilly spoke slowly and concisely, though she talked only to herself and her mind formed the words before she even needed to say them. This was necessary however, to make sure she was certain of what she was saying.
"Miley dreams of me." Lilly sighed, remembering back to that recent afternoon when she had disturbed Miley's nap, but Lilly shook her head, "That's a weak link to make. The song can't be about me." Lilly stared at the ceiling for a while longer, and her throat began to hum the melody of Miley's new song.
"Miley does dream about me." Lilly breathed, and her lips really curled into a smile this time. "And I dream about her…" Lilly's body shook suddenly with a silent laughter.
It's so easy, to think about love and to talk about love…To wish for love. But it's not always easy to recognize love. Even when we hold it in our hands.
x-x-x
The evening skies had turned a darker blue as the sun faded from the world, but Lilly held strong to her vigil, keeping watch on the door of their flat. The only light in the living spaces came from the flickering of many little candles that sat on the kitchen counters and on every flat surface Lilly had scoped out or created herself.
A bouquet of vibrant lilies took pride of place in the centre of their small table, where they would eat together, in a large glass vase that Lilly had also bought that afternoon. Dinner was in the oven, kept warm although it was long overdue, but even the enticing smell of freshly cooked lasagna was not enough to draw Lilly's attention away. She had been sat still for nearly two hours, and every minute was worth the wait.
Finally Lilly heard footsteps on the stairs outside of their own flat and a set of keys jingled whilst the owner looked for the correct one to fit the lock. Lilly nervously smoothed a crease in the dress she wore, before rising to her feet to greet her guest. "Hey Miley." Lilly said softly when her best friend let herself into their home.
Miley stopped and turned her attention to Lilly. She was just as desolate as she had looked that morning, yet perhaps now it was even worse since the pair had spent the day apart, and Lilly felt the slight difference in Miley keenly. "What's all this about?" Miley asked, and it sounded like she'd barely used her voice all day.
Lilly kept her focus carefully on her friend, who was now looking around the kitchen with confused interest. Miley's eyes fell on the display of lilies atop the table, before falling away shyly as she took in the setting of the candles and tasty-smelling dinner. "This is all about you." Lilly explained tentatively, feeling suddenly timid herself, and still reeling with shame from her behaviour of the previous night.
"Me?" Miley looked at her blankly, her eyes slowly widening to their normal sized, rather than the half-open, deadened shape that they had held before. "I don't understand…" Then Miley's eyes fell down Lilly's body, taking in her outfit and the obvious time she had taken to make herself ready for this evening, "Gosh." Miley breathed quietly, "You look lovely."
Lilly was caught off guard, and apparently Miley was too since her cheeks tainted pink, "Nngh, no, I really don't." Lilly mumbled, her hands twisting together nervously in front of her.
Miley shook her head in an act of quiet defiance, "Don't you know you're beautiful?" Miley asked under her breath and Lilly felt her thoughts escape her.
"Really, Miley, no, I'm not. If I were lovely, or…" Lilly hesitated, feeling embarrassed, "…beautiful, then I wouldn't have behaved the way I did last night." Lilly took a step forward, her bravery catching up with her once more, "Please, let me try to make it up to you."
Miley frowned, "There's nothing to make up. It's my own fault; I should have just told you that I read your words. Or not read them in the first place, that would have been the best thing." Miley sighed, "I really shouldn't have taken them from you. Please, forgive me?"
Lilly heard the shakiness in Miley's voice before Miley recognised what it meant for herself and she crossed the space between them in a second, "There's nothing to forgive. I am so ashamed of myself for over-reacting when what you did, and what you sang, was so wonderful. You created something beautiful from a few jumbled thoughts of mine." Lilly's hands reached out and caught Miley's in her own.
Miley's hands were strangely cold, and Lilly lifted them up higher between them so that she could run her fingers over Miley's, to tempt blood into the chilled digits. Heat rushed into Lilly's cheeks when she realised that Miley's eyes were firmly fixed upon her, yet she attended her warming actions until Miley's voice broke their quiet, "Lilly?"
The blonde swallowed nervously and stilled her hands, looking up to meet Miley's eyes, "Yes Miles?"
Miley took a deep breath before drawing herself away from her best friend, until she was leaning against the work surface a few feet away, "Last night…" Lilly flinched and Miley chewed down on her lip, waiting to see if she could continue. Eventually Lilly nodded and Miley pressed on, "Last night we had a fight." Miley stated simply, "And that was the first time I ever fought with you properly. It was beyond any of the little arguments we had as teenagers because it went so much deeper. We really hurt each other last night, but we did it unintentionally."
Lilly took a step forward, "Miley, I never wanted to hurt you…"
"I know." Miley's voice was lighter and a spark of life was growing in her eyes, "You never would want to do that, because your best interest has always been mine, and vice versa. That's probably why we work so well together." Lilly nodded slowly and Miley continued, "But when I wrote and sang that song, I was obviously wrong and got completely mistaken as to what was your best interest, since I was only working in mine."
"I over-reacted." Lilly interrupted, "I was taken by surprise and because I was feeling so emotional anyway I took what you were singing the wrong way and lashed out against you. I never thought that the song could ever truly, or sincerely, be directed toward me."
"Why?" Miley whispered; her dark eyes wide and innocent.
Lilly shook her head, a small smile gracing her lips, "It was one of the most emotional, and beautiful songs that I have ever heard. It was also a love song…and that was probably the part that upset me the most."
"But… I love you." Miley breathed.
"I know you love me, and I love you, you're my best friend in the whole world Miley." Lilly said, with shining eyes, "And that's how it is. Yet this song was about romantic love, about someone who was the very air that you breathed, and I could never be that for you."
Miley's brow creased into a frown, "I don't understand. The part of being every breath that I breathe, those were your words in the first place."
Lilly blinked and unexpected tears fell from her eyes; she didn't even notice that they had been looming, "They were."
"Lilly, I told you the song wasn't a Hannah song, it was a Miley song." Miley said, before glancing down.
"A Miley song about romantic love...for someone she loves, or will in the future, love romantically." Lilly sniffed and then shrugged.
Miley set her jaw, "A person who Miley has loved romantically for a very long time."
Lilly groaned and raised a hand to wipe at the tears that dampened her cheeks, "I'm so confused…"
"Why is this confusing?" Miley's voice had suddenly risen, "Can't you see Lilly? Don't you know?" Lilly still looked blank and then Miley was there, crossing the distance between them until her hands had seized the tops of Lilly's arms in a vice-like grip, "I wrote this song, with your words, but added my own lyrics from the heart. And these lyrics all fit together – yours about me and mine about you." Miley's hands were hot, scorching against Lilly's skin, "We're best friends Lilly and know each other more than anyone else ever will. Why else would this all match up so perfectly?"
Lilly felt the thrill of passion that burned in Miley spread into her, "It matches up so perfectly, Miley," Lilly growled, "because I am in love with you!"
"And I'm in love with you!" Miley shouted.
Lilly's lips parted and her body froze, but she found that words had fled from her and she was completely stilled. Miley's eyes were flickering backwards and forwards so quickly that Lilly struggled to keep pace. "I-I…" Lilly started stuttering, her voice mirroring the trembles that shook her frame in flagrant disbelief of what was happening.
"Oh screw it." Miley mumbled and drew Lilly's body tightly towards hers, her hands squeezing Lilly's shoulders whilst her warm lips pressed against Lilly's own.
Miley's mouth was hard at first, and her hands moved to the back of Lilly's head, holding her in place, as if challenging the other girl to dare try breaking away. When Lilly sighed against her lips, however, Miley softened instantly and moved her mouth carefully against Lilly's. They were kissing with a wary tenderness now until Lilly pulled back to meet Miley's eyes.
"Did you really just do that?" Lilly half-whispered, her whole body felt heavy, throbbing with this pulsating sensation that moved her always closer to Miley.
Miley nodded, though she was looking uncertain now, "I guess I just did. Huh." Miley's lips curled up into a smile, "And I think I've got to try that again."
Lilly didn't even have time to squeal with joy as Miley forced herself upon her again, attacking her lips with renewed fervour. This time, however, Lilly threw herself into Miley's actions, wrapping her arms tightly around Miley's waist and letting the feelings flow through her. Miley's hands had moved and were now trailing down Lilly's back, slowly to rest on her best friend's hips. Her thumbs stroked up and down the prominent bones of Lilly's pelvis and Miley's exploits caused Lilly to gasp for breath.
Lilly drew away from Miley's hungry mouth, her whole body still shaking from the kisses that she had been granted from the girl who was quickly becoming everything to her, "Miley… wait…" Lilly breathed, and her body ached for more of that precious closeness she had at last been given, "I need to know what this is, and how it's going to affect our… friendship."
Miley's eyes were spilling with desire, yet she had enough self-control to contemplate Lilly's question, "Our friendship?" Miley mused, and her accent was thick, "Darlin', as far as I see it - I love you. And my love for you is friendship set on fire."
"That would explain why you burn right through me, every time you touch me."
"Sweet nibblets…" Miley breathed and destroyed the spaces between them once more.