CHAPTER 11
After each of her adventures Ahsoka always felt slightly changed. It was disappointing that this one led her exactly back where she was running from. Suddenly all the recent memories came crashing down on her, and the unavoidable seemed each time closer. Already on the Hunter Star Destroyer, Anakin was mindful enough to take Ahsoka for a much needed conversation, while Luminara Unduli took a close watch on detained Aurra Sing, who's bargain was to be kept on Ahsoka's personal chambers instead of regular cells.
- Everything happens by the will of the...
- Don't give me that! - Replied Ahsoka, angry and full of tears, sitting close by her former master on a secluded chamber, away from all the babbling and running of the busy clones and cruiser crew.
- Ahsoka! I wish I could decide all things in my own way, but sometimes we have to...
- Look me in the eyes, master! Look me in the eyes and tell me that this is really what you wanted!
Skywalker faltered. He dared not to look. He wasn't afraid of his former Padawan's eyes, but rather afraid of himself under that look he knew so well. His heart was already crushed. He took that decision exactly because he did not trust himself anymore. He was breaking her heart for his own faults as a Jedi. He could no longer convince himself otherwise, no matter how hard he tried. He was afraid she could see that, too.
- Won't you look me in the eyes? - Ahsoka begged lowly, placing a gentle hand on his cheek as if to force him tenderly, tears rolling down her face as raindrops under a storm of Kamino.
- Ahsoka, don't... - Anakin trembled. All the training in the galaxy could not prepare him for this.
Obi-Wan was finally getting some time himself to visit the disgraced Padawan Barriss Offee by the cruiser's cells. He found her sitting on the floor, meditating with stoic discipline as if all those many hours passed by as mere minutes on the other side of those prison laser shields. She still had her usual bearing.
- I am sorry for Anakin's behavior and words earlier. He is not always exemplary when he is angered - started Obi-Wan on his always perfectly diplomatic approach and gentleman's tone.
- His faults are understandable, for it was me who betrayed all Jedi principles and friends' trust - replied Barriss, without opening her eyes, still sitting calmly in the middle of her cell. She heard the laser shield deactivating and Obi-Wan stepping in closer to take a sit himself. She felt surprisingly comfortable at his calming presence - you know the others would not approve of you doing this, master Kenobi.
- I don't believe you pose any threat, Barriss. You are still a Jedi, your heart cannot deny it. Why did you do this? - Obi-Wan seemed genuinely curious and puzzled, although Barriss was tired of explaining herself.
- It does not matter. I will accept any punishment imposed on me by the Council. I deserved it.
- You wish to be sent to the Agro Corps - Obi-Wan let out astonished, seeing through with the Force.
Barriss finally opened her still wet eyes, facing forward, blankness in her gaze - yes. I wish that.
- This is not like you, Aurra Sing. Tell me what is this trick you are pulling - inquired master Luminara.
Aurra Sing just remained quiet, sitting on Ahsoka's bed and chained to the wall. She had no words to trade with a lowly, righteous, brainwashed, square Jedi. Her business now was solely with Ahsoka Tano.
- You happen to be on a ship filled with honorable and powerful Jedi Knights! Know that whatever it is that you are trying to achieve, it will not succeed! Give up and stand down now while you still can!
Slowly, the broken and chained bounty hunter drove her gaze to Luminara's. Everything, from the look of defeat on her eyes to the heavy chains on her wrists, made the Jedi Master's heart slow down to its normal pace. Luminara sighed. She realized she was being too rough. Demanding surrender from an already chained captive was not the Jedi Way. The recent events concerning her dear Padawan was costing her the temper.
- I am sorry - Luminara finally said - I hope you realize the hazard you've caused all these years, all the lives you've taken. If you truly do and regret, you will find mercy among the Jedi, I promise you that.
- I do - Aurra decided to simply play along in this game. Only she knew how to deceive a Jedi, because only she knew them so well. Regret? Why do the Jedi only mention "regret" when it comes to others?
- The Jedi forgive everyone, no matter what were your past deeds - Luminara placed a hand on Aurra's shoulder, almost tenderly. She secretly felt as if she was coming to terms with her own Padawan's misleading.
Ahsoka's kiss was tender, sweet and full of innocence. Anakin turned his face just in time so that it hit his cheek instead. As silent as she could, but not silent enough, she broke down crying, resting her head on his shoulder. She was barely able to whisper between loud sobs - Please don't do this, Master! Please! You cannot do this... I love you, Master... Please don't send me away... I love you so much...
Anakin's eyes reddened. He was a strong warrior, but such a weak man. His heart was too weak to bear any kind of emotion. He brought his arms around Ahsoka and tightened his grip. Guilt and regret chewing his mind, battling his heart with no hopes of winning. "She is only a youngling", he thought. "And I am a Jedi".
- I would do anything Master, everything! And if everything is not enough, take your lightsaber and kill me right here. Show me this mercy, instead of killing me little by little - she gasped and sobbed and cried.
- Don't ever say that! Ahsoka, don't ever say something like this.. I would never hurt you - he was controlling his own voice from faltering and his own tears from falling when he kissed her forehead.
- Then why are you doing this, Master? - Ahsoka finally cried out loud.
- I have no other choice, Ahsoka! I cannot be your master any longer...
Ahsoka raised her head from his embrace and looked him in the eyes once again. So close that she could see herself reflected on his iris. She swallowed another sob; her face wet with pain, melted in water, spilled from those big blue eyes. She placed his hand on her heart - you will always be my Master.
He was too ashamed to face her and too weak to avoid. He just closed his eyes and accepted her kiss.