Chapter 11

Isobel was tending to a soldier in the convalescent hospital when Mrs. Hughes appeared behind her. "Mrs. Crawley, Matthew… He's…" Mrs. Hughes didn't even have the chance to finish her sentence before Isobel bolted from the room. He really is shell shocked, she thought sadly as she hastened to the library. Her sweet little boy was being haunted by hallucinations now and for the foreseeable future.

She was slightly relieved when she walked into the room. Matthew was not violent in this hallucination, but sitting frozen in his wheelchair. She turned to Lavinia, who was standing by Matthew's side, sobbing and pleading with him to wake up. Isobel felt some annoyance at Lavinia's hysterics. Her falling to pieces was not going to help Matthew. She turned to Robert, who was standing in a corner, looking helpless. "Where is Mary?"

"She had to go down to London… Urgent business, apparently," Robert stammered.

"And when will she be back?"

"She telephoned that she was leaving about half an hour ago, so soon."

"We need her here as soon as possible." Robert looked confused, and Isobel gestured towards Matthew. She didn't want to reveal how Mary was the only one who would be able to help. She turned to Carson. "We need to lay him down."

Carson rang the bell for the two footmen in the house, and Thomas and Mosley appeared. They both looked shocked when they saw the state Matthew was in. "If you gentlemen would be so kind as to help me move him to the couch?" Isobel commanded. With the help of everyone in the room excluding Lavinia, who was still hysterical, Isobel gently lifted Matthew from the chair onto a nearby couch. Matthew remained as stiff as a board, his eyes tormented, and his lips silently moving. Isobel began to smooth his hair and speak nonsensically to him, praying Mary would return soon.

Mary's train arrived at the station. Her mind was whirling from the day's events. She hurried away from the train, eager to get back to Matthew. She didn't know why, but as she was leaving the station in London, she had the strangest feeling that something, though she didn't know what, was terribly wrong. She wasn't able to shake it during the train ride.

She had originally planned to walk home, hoping that it would clear her head some. However, when she got off of the train, she saw Branson waiting for her. "Branson!" She exclaimed, "I had told Lord Grantham that I would walk-"

"Lady Mary –" Branson cut her off, "Matthew…" He didn't have to say another word. Mary wordlessly flew through the station, Branson close behind. She remained silent and stared out the window for the car ride home. She only nodded as he informed her on what was happening with Matthew.

As soon as the car stopped at Downton, Mary got out of the car and ran inside, not waiting for Branson to open her door. Mrs. Hughes directed her towards the library. Mary paused outside the door, and breathed deeply. She would have to calm Matthew without kissing him – Lavinia was present.

She walked into the room. Everyone turned to look at her. "Where is he?" Robert walked Mary over to the sofa where Matthew lay. Isobel stood beside him, and Lavinia knelt, sobbing, by him. At the sight of Matthew, Mary's heart broke again.

He wasn't shaking or thrashing, but lying perfectly still. His breath was fast, and his tormented eyes darted around. He mouthed words only he could hear. She turned to everyone in the room. "All of you – excluding Lavinia and Cousin Isobel." Everyone obliged, filing out the door. Robert shot her a curious glance as she did.

Mary sat on the edge of the sofa. She scooted so that Matthew's head rested on her lap. She leaned over him. "Matthew… Matthew… Can you hear me?" There was no response from him.

"It's not working-" Lavinia choked out.

Mary firmly placed a hand on either cheek. She gently put pressure on the sides of his face and leaned over him to make her face very close to his. She continued to speak to him. Matthew slowly began to grow more restless in his hallucination, muscles twitching. Mary knew that he was approaching the violent stage of the hallucination, and she needed to quickly pull him out of it. She looked desperately at Isobel.

Isobel knew what Mary's look meant. She too realized that things were about to take a turn for the worse. She nodded at Mary, silently giving her permission to do the only thing she knew to be able to bring Mathew out of his waking nightmare. Right now, her son was her priority. She had no concerns for Lavinia's feelings – the girl wasn't even his fiancée yet.

Mary quickly leaned over Matthew, firmly pressing her lips to his. She was relieved when she felt him begin to relax under her touch. She pulled away, and Matthew opened his eyes, seeing clearly. He breathed shallowly and was disoriented.

Mary began to speak quickly and calmly, hoping to avoid a meltdown from Matthew for Lavinia's sake. Although, the old, snarky Mary side of her thought, It probably wouldn't make much difference after she saw how you calmed him. She quickly silenced those thoughts and continued to speak. "Matthew, we're at Downton, you had an episode, but you're alright now, it wasn't so bad.

Matthew blinked rapidly. Mary – his angel – was standing over him, replacing the battlefield that been there mere moments ago. She was speaking to him, comforting him. Something wasn't right. Lavinia, he remembered. She was here. She had seen. He took a moment to collect himself, focusing on the sound of Mary's voice.

After he was certain he was emotionally sound, that he would not break, he rolled his head towards Lavinia. "My dear, I am so sorry you had to see that." Lavinia smiled back at him weakly, tear stains on her cheeks. It did not reach her eyes, though, and he thought he saw something else in them- betrayal.

"It's fine," Lavinia managed.

Mary stood and left the room, returning shortly with Thomas and Carson. The five of them eased Matthew back into his chair, and Isobel rolled him back to his room. He did not allow them to lift him onto his bed, electing to remain in his chair. Lavinia sat beside Matthew, in the chair normally occupied by Mary.

Thomas and Carson bowed and left the room. Mary wanted to stay behind, but Isobel gently tugged on her arm, indicating they should allow Matthew and Lavinia some privacy. She then left the room. Mary hesitantly followed behind her, casting a worried glance at Matthew before following her out.

Matthew and Lavinia sat in silence. This was not, Matthew realized, the easy silence that came at the natural end of his and Mary's talks, but an awkward one. There was none of the peace he and Mary had, but an uncomfortable lack of conversation.

They sat like that for a while. Matthew began to think..

He did not really know this woman next to him. He was grateful he had not proposed to her yet. He almost had, and she had been expecting it, but on the day before he planned to propose, he had suddenly been called back to the front. He had no knowledge of her interests, her background, or of her opinions. He only knew that she was kind and innocent. At the beginning of the war, when he had begun his courtship of her, that had been enough. He had been reeling from the end of things with Mary, and Lavinia had been such a welcome contrast. She was warm and uncomplicated.

Now, that was not enough. He knew he loved Mary more, and even if she didn't return his affections, He could not continue with Lavinia. It would be dishonorable. How could he do that to her, when she could not have his full love, now or ever?

Also, he realized, she may not be able to handle his… condition. From what he heard from Mary, it had not been particularly bad compared to his… fit the previous night. Yet, Lavinia, when he saw her, had been crumpled on the floor. As Isobel told him, she had been completely hysterical for the hour or two his mind had been in France. He did not know how she would handle a repeat of that, or the far worse ones.

He had to let her go, he realized. He would have to let her know he was ending their courtship. He began to speak, but Lavinia beat him to it.

"Matthew, I know that it is horribly cruel and selfish for me to do this to you in your hour of need, but I must, nevertheless. I need to end our… courtship."

Matthew blinked, and began to speak, but Lavinia cut him off.

"I realize I am not strong enough to handle your affliction. As if that wasn't bad enough, there is someone in the house who is. It was Mary, not I, who pulled you out of that horrible trance. When she did in the way she did, and you sat, head in her lap, I thought-" her voice wavered, "How good, how right, you two looked together. I'm sure you hate me now, but I am doing what I feel I must do."

Matthew cleared his throat. "Lavinia – I don't hate you. I could never. In fact, I was about to do the same. It is horribly wrong to ask you to deal with my condition, especially since we were never engaged."

Lavinia looked both deeply saddened but incredibly relieved at the same time.

Matthew held his hand out to her. "I hope… I hope we are able to remain friends."

Lavinia took a deep breath. "Friends yes, but I need to keep my distance for a while. I feel a clean break would be best."

Matthew nodded. "I appreciate your honesty. Thank you… and goodbye."

Lavinia stood without another word, and left the room. She ran into Mary. She sadly glanced at her. "Mary, I was wondering if a car could be brought around – I'm leaving for London."

Mary nodded, wondering just what had transpired between Matthew and Lavinia. She watched Lavinia's car disappear down the drive, before she returned to Matthew's side.