Thank you for the reviews on the last chapter! Sorry for the wait, this chapter didn't really turn out like I expected, and I'm not sure if it's really the best it could be. Please let me know your thoughts on this chapter!
J: Justify
*Jay grew up not having the best relationship with his father. Erin grew up without a father at all. But now that they are adults and they have children of their own, their fathers get back into contact with them. Contains moments from 4x10 "Don't Read the News" and 4x11 "You Wish".
*Connor- 3/7, Henry- 2/6, Sophia- 2/6, Emma- 1 month/4
Jay's Father
"I forgot the diaper bag." Erin told Jay as they walked up the path to Will and Natalie's. Erin was holding their newborn in her arms and Jay couldn't help but notice how exhausted his wife looked.
"I'll go grab it." He had Sophia and Henry in each arm. He walked quickly to the car, opened up the door to the backseat, and grabbed the diaper bag. He saw that Erin was waiting for him with Emma and Connor.
Jay led the way up to his brother's house. He opened the door, letting Erin walk past him.
"Uncle Jay! Aunt Erin!" six-year-old Owen yelled out in excitement. "Hi Connor!"
"Hi Owen!" Connor ran over to his cousin. The twins startled to wiggle around, so Jay put both of them down too. They all ran into the playroom.
"You okay?" Jay asked as he leaned forward to kiss Erin's temple.
"Mmhmm. Tired."
They walked into the living room together and Jay was surprised to see his father sitting in Will's recliner. He didn't even know what to say.
"Hey guys." Natalie greeted. Her facial expression was a little awkward, and Jay wondered if she had known that his father was coming.
"Look who decided to finally show up." Patrick 'Pat' Halstead scoffed at the sight of his younger son. Jay just stared at him, not really sure what to say. It had been years since he had last seen him. "You just gonna stand there?"
Jay glanced over at his wife, who was staring at him in concern. She had obviously made the connection that this was his father, and she was letting him decide how to play this.
"This is my wife, Erin. Erin, this is my dad, Pat."
"It's nice to meet you, Mr. Halstead." Jay had to give her credit for giving him a genuine smile. It wasn't met with the same respect from his father.
"Good, at least one of you knocked up a girl and gave me a grandkid." The slight dig towards Will and Owen's relationship made Jay's blood boil. "Does she cry?"
"She's a baby, Dad. Of course she does." Will came into the room, passing a beer to their father. "Hey guys. Beer's in the fridge if you want one."
"Thanks." Jay gently put a hand on Erin's back, nudging her in the direction of the kitchen. Once they were out of sight, she looked at him in confusion.
"Did you know he was going to be here?"
"I had no idea."
"He's definitely interesting."
"If you want to leave, we can go. He makes a lot of inappropriate comments."
"Jay, this is up to you. We'll do whatever you want to do." Erin stood on her tip toes to give him a quick kiss. "You okay?"
"I just wasn't expecting this."
"Maybe he'll surprise you."
He laughed dryly. "I don't want to get my hopes up for that." Jay grabbed a beer from the fridge for himself and water for Erin (she was breastfeeding, so she couldn't drink) and they returned to the living room. The children had all come in and they were sitting on the floor, playing with Owen's LEGOs.
"I didn't know you had four of them. You two have been busy." Pat commented. "What are their names?"
"Connor William, Henry Noah, Emma Camille, and Sophia Elizabeth." Jay pointed to each child as he said their name. He noticed the way his father's expression changed at the mention of his mother's name.
"Would you like to hold her?" Erin asked, gesturing towards Emma.
"Might as well."
Erin walked over to him and carefully passed him the baby.
"Make sure you support her head." Jay reminded him.
"You think I don't know how to hold a baby?" Pat stared down at his youngest grandchild. "She's a cute little one. So Erin, what do you do?"
"I'm a Detective. Jay and I work in the same unit."
"And what about you?" he glanced towards Natalie.
"I'm a pediatrician."
As Pat grilled their wives, Jay and Will stood together. "A heads-up would have been nice."
"I didn't think you would have come."
"I wouldn't have."
"He hasn't been doing well lately, Jay. His heart is acting up."
"Wow, it's news to me that he even has a heart." Jay shook his head. His eyes were glued to his father, watching to make sure he was holding Emma correctly.
Emma's face screwed up and she let out a shrill cry. Jay stepped forward immediately, taking his daughter out of his father's arms and rocking her gently. "Shhh, it's okay, Em. Daddy's here."
"It's time for her to eat." Erin said. "Nat, can I use your bedroom?"
"Yeah, of course."
"I'll come with you." Jay offered.
"Is the kid drinking milk from your body? Let the woman do her job and sit down." Pat snapped.
Jay felt his entire body tense up. "Why don't you mind your own business and let me take care of my child? You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?"
Pat stood. "You always have to bring up the past, don't you? I was there for you and your brother. Maybe I didn't hold your hand every second of the day like you wanted, but I was there when it counted. I gave you boys everything you could ever want!"
Natalie jumped to her feet. "Alright, maybe we should all calm down. Hey guys, you want to go play in the backyard? Owen just got a new soccer net." She ushered the kids towards the backdoor.
"This isn't even worth the argument. Just crawl back into the hole you've been in since Mom died." Jay grabbed Erin's hand and pulled her out of the room. Once they got into Natalie and Will's room, he took a deep breath.
"Just calm down, alright?" Erin sat on the bed. She adjusted her shirt so that she could help Emma latch onto her breast.
"I hate that he can still make me this angry. I've grown up. I have a job and a wife and kids and I still get worked up over him."
"He's your father, Jay. You're always going to care about what he thinks."
"But why couldn't he just come in here, congratulate me on being a father, say the kids are cute, and keep his mouth shut? No, instead he has to make his little back handed comments. This is why I cut him out of my life in the first place."
"I understand that, but you're not exactly playing nice either. You need to take a deep breath and let things go. It's just for one night." Erin reached out and grabbed his hand so she could pull him closer to her without disturbing the baby. She tilted her head up and pouted her lips slightly. He got the message and leaned down to give her a kiss. "Relax, babe. You're gonna get through this."
Just like that, he already felt a little better. He could always count on Erin to make him feel better.
"I'm going to go help Nat with the kids. Are you good?"
"I'm fine, go ahead. Play nice."
"I will." Jay walked quietly downstairs. He saw that his father was still sitting in the living room talking to Will. He snuck past them and out the backdoor. Natalie was sitting on the path with Henry and drawing with chalk, while Owen, Connor, and Sophia played soccer.
"Hey." She smiled up at him as he sat across from her. "Everything alright?"
"Yeah. Sorry about that."
"Will hasn't told me much about your father, except that you guys don't really get along with him. I didn't know he was going to be here or I would have warned you."
"We just have a complicated past. Dad would have rather spent time out at the bar or at the ballgame than being at home with his family. He wasn't the best husband either."
"If you need to go, we'll understand."
"No, I'm going to stick this one out. Hopefully we can get through the rest of this night without arguing."
Jay stayed outside with the kids while Natalie finished dinner. It didn't take long until it was time to eat.
"Guys, time for dinner!" he called out. Connor immediately dropped the soccer ball and ran inside, his siblings and cousin right behind him.
Jay sat down at the table, leaving a space for Erin. She came from downstairs empty handed.
"Is Em asleep?" he asked.
"Yeah, she finally tired out. Natalie got out Owen's old bassinet, so she's asleep in that."
"Good."
Pat came into the room and took a seat at the head of the table, putting Will on his right and Henry on his left. The order around the table went Pat, Henry, Jay, Erin, Sophia, an empty seat at the other end, Owen, Connor, Natalie, Will, and back to Pat.
Jay cut up Henry's piece of ham for him, then walked around the table to do the same for Connor. He noticed his father was staring at him, but he bit his tongue to avoid another argument.
"Thanks, Daddy!" Connor said with a smile before digging in to eat.
"You're welcome, buddy." He saw that Owen was struggling with his food, so he cut his up too. Erin had already cut Sophia's food, so he went to sit down.
"So Will, when are you and your wife going to have one?" Pat asked, gesturing towards Henry with his fork.
"When we're ready."
"Your brother already has four. Don't you think you should catch up?"
"No, I think I should wait until I'm ready." Pat gave off an unimpressed "humph" and continued with his meal.
"Mama?" Jay looked up at the sound of his oldest child's voice. "Who is that?" Connor pointed towards Pat.
"That's my father." Jay answered after Erin turned to look towards him. He didn't want to label him as 'grandpa' because he wasn't sure that the man would be involved in his kids' lives.
"Okay." Just like that, he moved on from the conversation. Jay was grateful.
After dinner came dessert. Natalie had made apple pie, and Jay was just waiting for his father to complain since that was one of his favorites, and he would probably accuse Natalie of making it wrong.
"This is pretty good." Pat said. Jay and Will looked at each other in shock; that was the most positive thing he had said all night.
"Thank you, Mr. Halstead."
"Call me Pat."
"Pat." Natalie corrected.
They heard a cry from upstairs. Erin went to stand, but Jay put a hand on her arm. "It's too soon for her to be hungry. I'll take care of it."
"Thank you."
"Yep." Jay walked upstairs. He found his youngest child crying, tears rolling down her tiny cheeks. "Hey Emmy. Daddy's here, it's okay." He sat on the bed and held her against his chest. She calmed down immediately. It still shocked Jay that his children would calm down just because of the sound of his voice. "There you go. You just wanted to be held, didn't you?"
He heard someone coming through the door and assumed it was his wife. "She's alright, just wanted her Daddy." He looked up and saw his father standing there instead. "Oh. I thought you were Erin."
"Can I come in?" Pat asked. He looked uncomfortable, which was pretty rare.
"Sure."
He came over and sat next to his youngest son on the bed. Jay took care of Emma, rocking her gently and smiling down at her.
"You're a good father."
Jay was surprised, but he tried not to show it. "Thank you."
"I mean it, Jay. Those kids look at you like you hung the moon."
"I just try and be there for them when they need me."
"That's something that I could have done better." Pat sighed. "Sometimes, you get so caught up in trying to do what you think is best for your family that you forget the little things. I worked too much. Your mom always tried to tell me that I was missing the little things, like your first steps or Will's first t-ball game. But those things didn't seem all that important until Lizzie got sick and I realized she had raised our boys on her own."
"Then why didn't you try harder to be in our lives?"
"You boys were already grown up. Will was off at college, and you ran away to the army. You didn't need me."
"We had just lost our mom. It would have been nice to have our dad around."
"I know. I failed you as a parent."
Jay took a deep breath. "Maybe there's still time to change that." Pat looked at him in surprise. "But you have to stop with the comments, especially about Owen. He may not be Will's son biologically, but his father died before he was born and Will has been around since he was two years old."
Pat cracked a smile. "That's a shock hearing that Will stepped up when another man couldn't be there."
Jay didn't respond because honestly, it had shocked him too when he first found out. "He's grown up a lot."
"I know. Both of you have." Pat reached out and ran his thumb over Emma's cheek. "The kids are beautiful."
"Thanks."
"Your oldest boy is your spitting image. I have this picture tucked away somewhere of you at your grandparents' cabin, running around at about his age. You look just alike."
"You'll have to find it and show it to me sometime."
"I'd like to see my grandkids sometime. Maybe get to know them."
Jay nodded. "I'm sure we could work something out."
"Alright, well I'm going to head on home. I've got work in the morning. Give me a call sometime."
"Okay." Pat put a hand on his shoulder briefly, then a hand on Emma's back.
"I'm proud of you, son."
Jay felt a little choked up, but he tried to hide it. "That means a lot."
Pat left the room without another word. Jay let out a shaky breath and brought Emma closer to him, giving her a kiss on her forehead. Maybe his dad actually would change.
It had been about a month since Jay had talked to his father after the dinner. He was surprised to not hear from him, and even when he called, he didn't answer. After a quick conversation with Will, Jay found out that he hadn't talked to him either.
He had taken Sophia to the grocery store with him and he decided to stop by his dad's place on the way home. He knocked on the door of his childhood home before using the key that he still had attached to his keychain.
Jay was surprised to see the entire house trashed. Immediately, his police instincts kicked in and he started to prepare for an intruder. He kept Sophia securely in his arms, ready to do whatever was necessary to protect her.
But instead, he found his father on the floor of the dining room with a picture frame in one hand and a beer in the other.
"Dad?" he called out.
"What are you doing here?" Pat's words were slurred as he stared at his son.
"I came to check up on you. I haven't heard from you in a while."
"Then why would you come bother me?"
"To make sure you're alright." Jay got a glimpse of the photo in his hand. It was from his parents' wedding.
"I don't need you to make sure I'm alright. Worry about yourself." He took a big gulp from his beer bottle.
"You're drunk. You need to lighten up on the alcohol."
Pat chuckled. "Funny coming from the guy who had to be bailed out of jail twice for getting in fights while he was drunk."
Jay let out a slow breath. He had been in a bad place after his mother's death and made some stupid choices.
"You know what? It's not worth it." Jay turned to leave. "I thought you were actually getting your life together and that you wanted to be a part of our family, but I guess that was all a joke, right? You don't really want to know your grandkids."
"I don't care about those kids."
Jay smiled coldly. "Remember that you said that when you're all alone because this is it for me." He turned and walked out.
When he got home, Erin was half asleep on the couch with Emma in her arms and the boys on either side of her as they watched a movie. She startled awake when the front door closed.
Jay put Sophia down on the couch next to Connor and walked out the back door. He sat on the porch, needing a couple of minutes to collect his thoughts.
"Hey." He glanced over as Erin sat next to him. "What's wrong?"
"I stopped to check on my dad on the way home from the store. He was drunk. I said that I thought he wanted to know his grandkids, and he said he didn't care about them. I'm done trying with him, Erin. He's never going to change."
"I'm sorry." Erin leaned her head against his arm.
"At that dinner, when he told me he was proud…" Jay trailed off, feeling the tears welling up in his eyes. "I don't know why I even care. He's never been around."
"Because he's your dad and no matter what your parents do, you're always going to want their approval. Just look at me and Bunny."
"I'm not giving him anymore chances. I won't let him into our kids' lives just so he can disappear. I wish he had never said anything nice to me and made me think he cared."
"I think he does care about you, Jay. He just doesn't know how to show it."
He scoffed. "Drinking isn't the way to show it."
"No matter what, it's your decision. The kids and I will always support you. I've got your back."
"Thanks." Jay kissed her forehead. "I'm done with him."
"Okay."
Jay felt the tears start to fall before he could stop them. Erin reached out and wiped them away, and then pressed their foreheads together. She held him tightly against her, trying to comfort him. Jay appreciated the gesture.
He knew that he would be okay without his father; he had hardly been around for his whole life anyway. It just hurt to know that he was really that unimportant to him.
"You're the best husband in the world, and the greatest father." Erin told him. "I get jealous sometimes at how easy you make parenting look. There is no one in the world that I would rather do this with."
"Thank you." Jay kissed her. "We better get back in there before the kids tear the house apart."
Erin nodded and stood, offering her hand to help pull him up. He was a lot stronger than her, so it didn't do much, but he accepted her help anyway. They walked back inside together. Jay knew that no matter what, he would always have his wife by his side, and that was almost enough to help him get over the pain of losing his father.
Erin's Father
Erin had very random memories of her father, but she could never seem to remember his face. She had seen pictures, but in her memories, it was usually a faceless man.
She knew that he had beaten her growing up. When she was a baby, he had hit her so hard that he knocked her unconscious.
When she was four, he threw her down a flight of stairs and she had to get thirteen stitches.
When she was six, he broke her collarbone because of how hard he threw her against a wall.
When she was seven, he burned her arm on the stove for making a mess in the kitchen after she tried to make a birthday cake.
She was seven in the last memory she had of him. He had yelled at Bunny and accused her of owing him money (which Erin now realized was probably for drugs). He had beaten her so badly that she was coughing up blood and she was unconscious. He had come after Teddy next, but Erin grabbed him and ran towards a closet. She had hidden with him, holding a hand over his mouth so that he wouldn't scream and made herself as small as possible so she could fit behind all the clothes. Her father had pounded on the door for what felt like forever before he finally broke it down. He flung Teddy across the room and got one good hit in on Erin before the police came. Erin had gotten a concussion, and she never saw her father again.
She knew that the situation was complicated based off of what she could remember, and what she understood as an adult. She and Teddy were three years apart and had different fathers, so her father would have had to of come in and out of the picture. She could remember that Teddy's father hadn't been any better, and she knew there were times that he beat Bunny too, so she wondered if some of her memories of the two of them had mixed.
The one thing she did know for sure that the only positive father figure she had ever had was Hank. Every other man Bunny brought into her life was abusive or a druggie or an alcoholic.
It wasn't until after Bunny died that Erin started to wonder about her father. She honestly wasn't even sure what his name was, and she couldn't ask Bunny because she was dead.
When Erin and Teddy went through Bunny's possessions, she found a letter. She was surprised to see that it was about her.
Bunny,
I know it's been a while since we last spoke, but I have been thinking a lot about this. I think I am finally ready to meet her. I want to see our daughter in real life instead of just in a photograph. Could you help me set this up with her?
Jimmy Sanguinetti
There was also a phone number at the bottom of the letter for Bunny to call. Erin showed the letter to Teddy. "Who is Jimmy Sanguinetti?"
"I don't know. I've never heard that name before." Erin tucked the letter into her purse. "I can't believe this. Of course another random parent pops up after Bunny dies."
"It might not even be real, Erin. You know how Bunny was. She would say anything to score." Teddy shrugged. "If you're really curious, why don't you ask Voight? I'm sure he would know something."
Erin knew that he was probably right. After they finished going through Bunny's stuff (which was mainly old, raggedy clothes and expired makeup), they parted ways. Erin couldn't wait until tomorrow to see Hank. She pulled up in front of his house and knocked; she had a key, but Hank could get a little jumpy sometimes and she didn't really feel like dealing with a bullet wound.
"Hey kid. What brings you by?" Hank moved aside. "You got one of my grandkids with you?"
"No, they're at home with Jay. I just left the place where Bunny was staying. Teddy and I found this." She handed him the letter. "Does the name Jimmy Sanguinetti mean anything to you?"
"Yeah, he used to run around with your mother back when we were teenagers."
"Teenagers?" Erin furrowed her eyebrows. "I thought you met Bunny when you arrested me."
"I've known Bunny since before you were born." He handed the letter back to her. "It's possible that he could be your father."
"He abused me when I was little. I don't know why he would want to meet me."
Hank shook his head. "You were born in April of '87. Jimmy got sent away for armed robbery in August of the same year. He hasn't been back since, as far as I know."
Erin sighed. "I have all these memories of being abused. Are you telling me that it wasn't my dad?"
"I'm telling you it wasn't Jimmy. Maybe he's not your dad. Or maybe Bunny had just told you it was your father."
"Every time I think I'm free from Bunny, she throws me through another loop. How can she do this even after she's dead?"
"I'll help you figure this out, Erin. It's getting late. Why don't you go home and see your babies? I'm sure it'll make you feel better."
"You're right." Erin gave him a hug. "Thank you."
"Give them a kiss for me."
It didn't take long for Erin to get home. Her children were all spread out on the living floor, each of them with a book in their hands. Erin had to laugh; 4-year-old Emma didn't know how to read, but she loved to copy her older siblings.
"Hey baby." Jay greeted, coming up behind her and giving her a kiss on the cheek. "How did it go?"
"I'll tell you about it after the kids go to bed."
They went through the kids' nightly routine and finally they were all alone. Erin came out of the bathroom and saw Jay was already sitting on the bed. He held his hand out to her and she took it, climbing onto his lap to where she was straddling him.
"I found a letter to Bunny from this guy named Jimmy Sanguinetti. Apparently, he's my father and he wants to meet me."
"Wow." He put his hands on her hips. "Are you sure this isn't just some type of scam?"
"I stopped by to see Hank. He said that it's possible. He knew Bunny when they were teenagers, which I never knew, and he said they used to run around together."
"So, where's your head at? What are you thinking?"
"I don't know. Every memory I have of my father is of him beating me, but now Hank told me that he was sent to prison the same year as I was born and he hasn't come back to Chicago since. I have memories of being beaten at 4, 5, 6, 7 years old. There's no way it could have been him."
Jay frowned. "Then who was it?" he couldn't resist pulling her closer to him. He hated thinking about Erin's childhood and everything that had happened to her.
"There are so many gaps in my memory. I even confronted Bunny about this before and told her I remembered my father doing things, and she didn't correct me. Did she just tell me to call all her boyfriends 'Dad'? Was it all the same guy who hurt me each time and she just convinced me it was my father? I don't know what to think, and I can't ask her."
"Are you sure you want to chase this?" Jay smoothed her hair out of her face. "You're basically trying to figure out who the guy that beat you was."
"I need to know."
Jay let out a breath. "Well it seems like the logical place to start is by meeting this Jimmy guy."
"Will you come with me?" she felt the nerves bubble up in her stomach. She didn't want to have to face this alone.
"Of course I will, baby." Jay leaned forward and kissed the tip of her nose. "We're in this together. I will help you do whatever you need to do to find what you're looking for."
Erin moved to where she could rest her entire body against Jay's chest. He just stroked her hair, which she was grateful for. He always did such a good job at making her feel better.
"Are you going to get Hank involved in this?" he asked after a couple moments of silence.
"I don't know. I felt weird talking to him about it. I don't want to overstep, you know?"
"What do you mean?"
"He raised me and he's always been the only dad I've ever known. Does it make it seem like I'm pushing all that aside if I meet Jimmy?"
"No, and I doubt Voight thinks of it like that. He just wants you to be happy."
Erin nodded and sat up slightly so she could see his face. "Can we go to bed now?"
"Yeah."
Erin climbed off of his lap and cuddled into his arms instead, resting her head against his chest. "It's going to be okay, right? Everything is going to work out?"
"It'll work out how it's meant to." Jay kissed the top of her head. "Love you."
"Love you too."
Everything moved quickly after that. Erin called the number left on the letter and spoke to Jimmy for the first time. She kept it short and simple, just asking when he would be available to meet. He didn't live in Chicago, but he said that he could be there by Friday.
The rest of the week flew by as Erin and Jay went to work and took care of the kids. By the time Friday came around, Erin was a nervous ball of energy. They had sent Connor and Henry over to Natalie and Will's for a sleepover, and Emma and Sophia were hanging out with Kim and Adam and they would pick them up on their way home.
As they walked into the restaurant, Erin felt her hands start to get sweaty. She couldn't shake off her nerves and she was pretty close to just turning and walking out.
"Breathe, baby." Jay encouraged. He grabbed one of her hands in his and squeezed it gently. He opened the door for her and she walked in.
"Erin?" a voice called out to her left. She saw a man standing there and her heart stopped. This man was her father.
They walked over and she gave him a small smile, not really sure how to greet him. Should they hug, or was that too comfortable? Was a handshake too formal?
"It's so nice to finally see you." He smiled.
Luckily, she didn't have to make the awkward decision because Jay pulled out a chair for her. She smiled at him gratefully and sat down, the two men following her lead.
"This is my husband, Jay." She introduced.
"It's nice to meet you." Jimmy reached over and shook Jay's hand.
"Likewise."
"I know this is a little awkward, but I just want to get to know you. You can tell me whatever you're comfortable with, and ask me anything."
"Bunny always said you were locked up." Erin blurted out.
"Yeah. I've been out ten years. I was married, that's why you didn't hear from me. We got two boys of our own."
Erin gave a tight smile. "Married convict with a whole other family. There's a catch." She glanced towards Jay, but he didn't scold her for her comment. He was going to let her handle this however she wanted.
"Nobody involved exactly had their stuff together. But you turned out okay." Jimmy said.
"So you're off the hook."
"I wasn't there for you then, but I'd like to be, now, if you'll let me." Erin looked at him wearily. She didn't really know how to feel about this whole situation, or if she even wanted to see him again. "So I heard there was a mix up in your mother's storage facility and they auctioned everything off."
Erin nodded. "Yeah, Bunny never gave them a forwarding address."
"Well I guess al your childhood pictures were there and they're all gone now. But I, um, I saved all the ones your mom sent me over the years and I thought you might like this."
Erin took the picture from Jimmy's hand. She looked down and saw herself at maybe five years old holding a rabbit.
"That looks just like Sophia." Jay said.
"Yeah." She agreed.
"I got 'em all in a, in a binder. I'll bring 'em next time."
"Okay." Erin couldn't stop looking at the picture. Who was this man who had kept photos of her for years?
"Can I ask a question?"
"Sure."
"Where is Bunny? She hasn't returned any of my phone calls, and I thought you might bring her along when we met up, but you haven't mentioned her."
Erin took a deep breath. "Bunny died in May."
Jimmy looked shocked. He rubbed a hand over his face. "How?"
"She overdosed."
"I'm sorry for your loss. That must have been really difficult."
Erin shrugged. "Bunny and I had a…complicated…relationship." She glanced at her watch, seeing that it was close to the time they had promised to pick up the girls. "We've got to get going."
Jimmy stood up. "Jay." He extended his hand to the other man and they shook hands. He stared at Erin, and she just gave him a small smile. Jimmy turned and left.
"Just do me a favor." Jay's voice caught her attention and she turned to look at him. "Let me run a DNA test on him just in case this whole thing is fantasy."
"No." she shook her head.
"No?"
"If it is a fantasy, let me live in it for a minute."
"Erin, there's someone here to see you." Erin turned around from where she was pouring her coffee and saw Jimmy standing in the doorway with Platt.
"Thanks, Trudy." She smiled at her gratefully. It had been a few days since she last saw her father, and she still wasn't too sure how to act. She knew that Jay was being very cautious with the whole situation and he still wasn't convinced that Jimmy had good intentions. But after running his financials and seeing that he was stable, Erin couldn't think of anything else that he could want from her.
"Hey, here's those pictures I told you about." He handed her a small brown book.
Erin grabbed it from his hand and flipped through the pages. She smiled sadly down at the little girl she used to be.
"Cute." Jay commented at one of the pictures. She shut the book and glared at him jokingly, making him smile. "Jimmy, you want some coffee?"
"Sure. Thanks, Jay." He took the mug and sat down. "Can I ask a question?"
"Go ahead." Erin agreed as she leaned her back against the seat.
"Do you have any children?"
Erin nodded. "Four."
"Four?" he smiled. "Wow. I have four grandchildren."
Erin didn't know what made her do it, but she reached into her pocket and grabbed out her phone. She hit the button so that her background picture would show up and showed it to him. It was a picture of the kids from when they went to the zoo recently. Connor and Sophia were sitting on a bench smiling, Henry was squatting in front of them and making a funny face, and Emma was standing behind the bench holding bunny ears up to both of her siblings' heads. All four of them had their faces painted and they looked hot and sweaty, but it was one of her favorite pictures.
"They're beautiful. This one looks just like you." He pointed to Sophia.
"Thank you." Erin put her phone back away.
"Hey." They all turned to look towards the door when they heard Voight's voice. "Jimmy Sanguinetti. Good to see you."
"Good to see you too, Hank." Jimmy stood and shook his hand.
"We caught a case." Hank said before walking out.
"That means we have to go." Erin informed him.
"Okay. You can keep that." He gestured towards the photo book.
"I kind of like that you kept it all these years."
"Okay." Jimmy took the book back and left the room. Erin noticed movement out of the corner of her eye and saw Jay pouring Jimmy's coffee down the sink.
"This is me running his DNA, not you." He put the cup into a plastic baggie and walked out.
Erin sighed. She wanted this to be true. She needed to believe that she had at least one parent who cared enough to keep her pictures in a photo album for fifteen years. But she also realized that she did need to know the truth.
"The lab put a rush on your results." Erin looked up as Jay walked into the break room with an envelope in his hand. He gave her a piece of paper. "Jimmy isn't your father."
She stared at the paper in front of her, her heart leaping into her throat. If Jimmy wasn't her father, then who was?
"Are you happy?" she demanded.
"Of course not. At least now, we know."
"This was my decision and you chose to do this even though I told you not to."
"Personally, I would want to know. Next time you want to bury your head in the sand, just raise your hand and I'll leave you there."
Erin felt her nose start to get that stuffy feeling that always happened right before she would cry. She bit her lip slightly as the tears sprang to her eyes.
"Baby…" Jay tried to step forward.
"I wasn't ready to know."
"I'm sorry."
"How can she keep doing this to me? Even after she's gone, Bunny keeps screwing with my life. If Jimmy isn't my father, then who is?" she pressed her lips together and took a deep breath to try and keep from crying, but a tear fell down her cheek anyway.
Jay wrapped her in his arms. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry." He held her tightly.
"Is there something I need to know?" Hank came into the room. She could hear the door shut behind him. Erin just shut her eyes and kept her face buried in Jay's chest. "I turned a blind eye to you two being a couple in my department. When I ask you a question as a courtesy to me, then I expect an answer."
"Jimmy isn't Erin's father." Jay responded. "I ran a DNA test and it came back negative."
"Erin." Hank let out a breath. "I'm sorry, kiddo."
She pulled back so that she could look at him. "Who are my other options?"
Hank frowned. "I don't understand what you mean."
"Who else could be my father? You said you knew Bunny before I was born. Who else did she hang around with?"
"To be honest, there were a lot of guys. I didn't see Bunny for a couple years, and in that time, she had you and Teddy. I'm not sure who else there could be."
"So I'll never know." Erin shook her head. "And now I have to tell Jimmy that he's not my dad. Why am I always stuck cleaning up her messes?"
"I'll tell him." Jay offered.
"I have to do it. It's my responsibility."
"None of this is your responsibility." Hank interrupted. "This is on Bunny."
"Well since Bunny's not here, it falls on me."
"Maybe he would know who else could be your father." Jay stated. "I know you were trying to fill in the blanks for your childhood. Maybe she mentioned some of the guys she was with to him."
"Maybe." Erin agreed. She turned to the only father figure she had ever known. "Hank, I need to know."
"Just who your father is?" he seemed to already know that it was more than that.
"I need to know who hurt me when I was a kid. I want to know everything."
Hank nodded. "Call Teddy and ask him to come by after shift. Maybe he can help remember some stuff. Have Jimmy come too."
"I'll ask Will to take the kids." Jay said.
Just like that, they had a plan. Erin wasn't sure how to feel at the possibility of finding her actual father, but she knew she had to suck it up and go through with it anyway.
They were definitely a strange group. Hank was standing at the front of the room, Erin was at her desk with Jay leaning against the wall behind her, Teddy was at Jay's desk, and Jimmy had pulled up a chair next to the side of Erin's desk.
"So, I ran a DNA test." Erin began. "You're not my father."
She watched the emotions play across Jimmy's face. He looked confused at first, then sad, and finally angry.
"What did you want from all of this? You just wanted to screw with my life?" Jimmy stood.
Jay was usually really good about letting Erin stand up for herself. He always let her try on her own before stepping in, but that wasn't true this time. Before she could even open her mouth to speak, Jay had stood and moved to stand in front of the other man.
"She didn't want anything from you. She had no idea who you even were until she found that letter you wrote to Bunny, so why don't you sit your ass back in that chair and show her some respect?"
Jimmy looked like he was going to argue for a second, but then he just shook his head and sat down. Jay went back to his previous spot, earning an approving nod from Hank. Erin rolled her eyes at the two of them.
"Look, I don't know what the point of all of this was. I don't know what kind of angle Bunny was trying to play, or if she genuinely did think that you were my father. But I need your help."
He laughed dryly. "Of course you do. You sound just like your mother."
Erin ignored the dig. "I want to find out who my father is. It may not be you, but you were obviously a possibility. I need you to help me think about other people who Bunny was involved with."
"Why should I do that?"
Surprisingly, it wasn't Jay who stepped in this time, or even Hank. Teddy was the one to walk forward and stare at Jimmy.
"Because the man who Bunny said was Erin's dad used to hurt us. Erin, how old were you when that guy held your head underwater in the bathtub until you stopped struggling because you 'talked back' when you asked Bunny why there was no food in the house? Six?"
Erin clenched her jaw. "You remember that?"
"Of course I remember that. I also remember you telling me to hide under the bed and not come out until you came to get me. I heard you screaming and crying and when you finally came back, you were all bloody and bruised." Teddy stared Jimmy down. "It may not matter to you anymore, and clearly Erin never really mattered or you would have tried to make contact sooner. But it matters to us."
Erin couldn't look at Jay or Hank. She didn't want to see their reactions to Teddy's story. She instead looked to Jimmy and saw the tears in his eyes.
Jimmy nodded. "I don't know how much help I can be, but I'll try."
"Alright, here's what we know." Hank stood up and walked to the board. He pinned a picture of Bunny on the left side and drew a line from left to right. Erin almost smiled at how seriously he was taking this. "Bunny's dad left when she was a kid, her mom died when she was 11. She lived with an aunt, but she married out of high school when she was 17. First husband, Mike Larson. Married in 1982." Hank posted a picture of him and wrote the year underneath. "Died in a car accident in 1983. Married Ted Courtney in 1988, divorced in 1990. Bunny didn't marry her next husband until 1995, a guy named…"
"Jeff." Erin supplied. "He was the one with the daughter named Katie."
"I remember that." Teddy agreed. "He never hurt us."
"Yeah, then Bunny got him into drugs and his ex-wife took his daughter away and he divorced Bunny." Erin shook her head. "But that's too late anyway. I was ten by the time they got married. It would have had to be someone earlier."
"Bunny was, what, nineteen when she got pregnant?" Jay said. "Who did she hang around with in high school?"
"Vino Renatti was one of her friends." Hank mentioned.
"Wait, Renatti?" Erin frowned. "Wasn't that Camille's maiden last name?"
"Yep." Hank gave her a small smile. "Vino was her cousin."
"Could it be him?"
"I don't know. Vino had a girlfriend; Bunny used to hang around her too. Vino married the girl, Franny, not long after high school."
"So? I was married." Jimmy chimed in.
"Yeah, but Vino wasn't really like that."
"Is that how you knew Bunny before I was born?" Erin wondered.
Hank nodded. "I was friends with Camille's brother, Tommy. That's how I met Camille, Vino, Bunny, and Johnny."
"Uncle Johnny?" Teddy asked. Hank confirmed it.
"Is that Bunny's brother?" Jay questioned. Everyone nodded their heads. "Well what about Camille's brother? Could it have been him?"
Hank shook his head. "We didn't all hang around together. Tommy, Johnny, and I were good friends, and I only knew Vino and Bunny by association. Obviously, I got to know Camille pretty well, but she had her own group of friends. I don't think Tommy and Bunny really knew each other."
Jimmy began to speak. "I have a stack of letters back at the hotel from Bunny. I brought everything I ever received from her; letters, pictures, all that. Maybe somewhere in there, it would give us an idea of someone else she knew."
"Did she ever talk to you about anyone? Even just mention a name?" Erin asked.
"No, not that I remember. I can run back to the hotel right now." Jimmy grabbed his coat. "I'll be quick."
After Jimmy returned with the letters, everyone was given a couple to go through, searching for any type of evidence that could tell them who Erin's father was, or who the identities of the men that Bunny let hurt her children.
Erin was shocked that Bunny had written these letters. Maybe she did actually care about her a little bit.
Jay had pulled a chair up to sit next to her. She couldn't help but to grab his hand. He looked over at her immediately, and she could tell he was trying to figure out where her head was at with all of this.
"You good, babe?"
"I don't know." She handed him the letter that she had been reading. It was from 1989, meaning that she was four. "Dear Jimmy, here is a picture of Erin. She is getting so big, and she's very pretty, as you can tell. She's also a lot more trouble. She talks a lot and she has a lot of opinions, which can be hard for us, but we can handle it." She read out loud. "Who is 'us'?"
"Let's ask him." Jay took the letter from her hand. "Jimmy, look at this one. Do you remember who she was talking about when she said, 'us' and 'we'?"
"It could have been my father." Teddy suggested. "What do you think, Jimmy?"
Jimmy took the letter. "Sorry, I don't know."
"Then what was the point of all of this?" Jay demanded. "You thought that she was your child, but you weren't interested in anything having to do with her. You didn't think it was strange that Bunny would talk about other people, people who were clearly around your child? You didn't ask questions?"
"I didn't really have the right to ask questions. I had a wife, two sons, I went to prison…"
"So basically, you just have a lot of excuses." He summarized. "Why did you even care to meet her? Was it because she was an adult and she didn't need anything from you anymore? You obviously didn't care about her when she was a child."
Erin listened to everything Jay said and it was true. If Jimmy did think he was her father, then he should have come around earlier. She didn't think that he was going to be helpful in finding any information about her father.
"Wait, look at this." Teddy caught their attention. "This letter is from 1990, it's talking about how Bunny needed some money so she could put Erin in kindergarten, and she mentions that she and 'Bud' both lost their jobs. Who is Bud?"
Erin frowned. "I don't remember that name."
"It's been a while since I've read these, I didn't think she mentioned anyone." Jimmy added.
"Hank?" Erin asked hopefully, wondering if maybe he remembered someone from the neighborhood with that name.
"Sorry, kid. I don't remember anyone named Bud."
"That's not good enough." Jay moved her chair over so that he could pull his up to her computer. He started to type in information into their police database, trying to find this man.
"Let's put the letters in order." Hank suggested. "Maybe reading the one before or after that will help us figure it out." He also added 'Bud' to the timeline, putting '1990-?' next to his name.
"Hey Erin, do you remember the guy with the moving truck?" Teddy wondered. Erin looked up at him in curiosity. "When we got evicted from the apartment with the kids the same age across the hall from us, he had to help Bunny get everything out."
Suddenly, a lightbulb went off in Erin's head. "Oh yeah! We all stayed in that house, I think it was his brother's?"
"I don't remember."
"Him and Bunny went out of town for a few days. We had to miss school."
"Did you go out of town with them?" Jimmy wondered.
"No, Bunny never took us with her when she left. We stayed at the brother's house." She got an uneasy feeling in her stomach as the memories continued to flood in. "Do you remember the baby?"
"Yeah."
The room got really quiet as they both retreated into their own minds, trying to forget the traumatic memories.
"What baby?" Hank asked.
"The brother…he was into drugs." Erin furrowed her eyebrows as she tried to get the details right. "A lot of people would come in and out. We stayed in the basement, and he always had people in the living room. When Bunny was gone, we went upstairs one night and there was a woman there. She was holding a baby while she was shooting up, and the baby wouldn't stop crying. They all just laughed. Eventually, they passed out. I took the baby from her and rocked it until it fell asleep. I knew that it was hungry, but I didn't have anything to give it."
"It had bruises on its arms." Teddy added. "It was a tiny baby."
"After I got it to sleep, I put it on a blanket in the corner so it was away from everyone when they woke up. We went back downstairs, and we never saw the baby again."
"Do you remember how old you were?" Hank quizzed. "What grade in school you were in?"
"First grade, I think."
"Alright, so that would be either '91 or '92. Do you remember anything about the moving truck? Or the brother's name?"
Erin shook her head, but Teddy started to speak. "It had an animal on it. What was it, Erin?"
"A raccoon, maybe?"
"Beaver." Teddy corrected.
"Beaver Moving Services." Jay stated. "The tagline is 'we'll do a dam good job'."
"Clever." Hank said dryly. "What can you dig up about that?"
"Small business, went bankrupt in 1994. It was originally owned by a man named Steve Reynolds, but was taken over by his son Steve Jr. in 1989." He typed. "Steve Reynolds Jr. is in the system for a drug related charge in 1993."
As soon as the picture popped up, Erin felt her chest tighten. "That's the brother." She almost felt as if she had repressed a lot of her memories, so being faced with them now was difficult.
"Steve Reynolds has no other children." Jay informed them.
"Maybe it's a half-brother."
Jay searched while everyone else continued to read the letters. About ten minutes later, he found something. "Mother's name was Rita Kemper. She had Steve Reynolds Jr., then another son a few years later named Derek Kemper."
When the picture popped up, Erin felt as if she was going to throw up. She started to feel really dizzy and like she couldn't get enough air in.
"Breathe, baby. Breathe." Jay pulled her into his arms. She rested her head against his chest, trying to copy his breathing. The room was spinning and she couldn't catch her breath. Jay rubbed her back, whispering reassurances to her.
Teddy came over and looked at her computer screen. "That's him, but Bunny didn't call him Bud."
"D." Erin whimpered.
"What did you say?" Jay asked as he stroked her hair, still holding her to his chest.
"Bunny called him D." Erin took in a shaky breath. "He's the one who burned my arm on the stove."
"That's the one that beat Bunny and we had to hide in the closet."
Erin stood up and gave her brother a hug. She couldn't believe that he had all of these horrible memories too, and obviously some that she had managed to block out.
"Teddy, is there any way you could contact your father?" Jay wondered. "If they were married until 1990, but she was also dating this Bud guy then, and this Derek guy in 1991, then she must have been cheating on him. Maybe he remembers something."
"I'll give him a call, but I don't know if he'll pick up. It's been a long time since we've spoken and he doesn't really want anything to do with me, but I'll try." He grabbed his phone and went into the breakroom.
Jay started to type on the computer. Erin leaned towards him. "What are you doing?"
"Looking into the CPS database. Maybe a report was filed that could give us some more information." He sighed. "I feel sick typing your name into here."
"Thank you, for all of this." Erin gave him a quick kiss.
"You know I'll do anything for you." He turned back to the computer. "A CPS report was filed in 1992." He clicked on it. "It says here that the child's mother and her boyfriend were suspected of abuse, but it couldn't be proved and they passed their home inspections. I know a guy at CPS who owes me a favor, I'll give him a call." Jay went over to his desk and got onto his phone.
Hank walked over to Erin's desk. "How are you feeling, kid?"
"It's a lot of information. I don't remember any of this, it's strange."
"It sounds like you repressed some memories."
"I'm not surprised. My childhood sucked." She sighed. "I just wish I could ask Bunny these questions. I know she would probably deflect or lie, but at least I could look her in the eyes and try and figure on what was going on in her head."
"You would have never understood. You are an amazing person, Erin, and a great mother who loves her children more than anything else. Bunny didn't have those qualities. You can't try and put yourself in her shoes."
Teddy walked out of the breakroom. Erin glanced at him. "Did he answer?"
"Surprisingly, yes. He said that we should check into some guy named Mark Saltori. I guess Bunny spent a lot of time around him when they were married, and he confirmed that she cheated on him with Derek Kemper. I asked him about Bud, and he said that he remembers she worked with some guy named Bud and after they got a divorce, she moved in with him. He wanted me to make sure that you knew that he never hurt you when he was with Bunny. He said that she was a nightmare, but he never put a hand on you."
"Alright, so let's assume that Bunny just used Bud for a place to live after the divorce." Hank changed the timeline to just say '1990' next to Bud's name. He wrote 'Derek Kemper' next, putting '1991-?'.
"They were together until 1992." Erin said. "I was seven when we had to hide in the closet from him, and that's the last I remember seeing of him."
"Okay." Hank added the new information.
Jay hung up his phone. "The guy I know is sending me over the full files for both Erin and Teddy." Erin could hear him clicking his mouse around. "Alright, so there is a report in 1991 that was filed. A neighbor found the three-year-old boy wandering around on his own, and the six-year-old girl was in the hospital for a broken collarbone, where they also found some bruises. When hospital staff asked about Erin's injuries, Barbara Courtney became defensive and avoided the questions. The children would not admit to abuse, and Erin said that she got the injury from falling down the stairs. It is noted that she also fell down the stairs in 1989 and had to get stitches." He searched through the report. Erin could tell he found something because of the way his eyes widened. "It says here that, based off of the mother's demeanor and visible bruising, it was suspected that her boyfriend, Mark Saltori, was the one who was abusive."
Hank added the name to the timeline while Erin did a search on the man. When his picture popped up, she didn't feel anything. She wasn't sure if she had ever seen him before.
"Mark Saltori has multiple charges of domestic abuse, and he's serving time right now for aggravated assault. Teddy, do you remember him at all?" Erin questioned. Teddy came over to her computer and looked at the screen.
"I think he had a mustache when they were together. He looks kind of familiar." He shrugged. "I don't know. Honestly, Erin, I don't get why we're doing this. It's going to be impossible to find your father, and all we're doing is bringing up old, bad memories."
"Yeah, you can say that because you know who your dad is. I have no idea who mine is." She looked at Hank. "Where do we go from here?"
"We talk to Mark Saltori, ask him some questions. Maybe he knows something." Hank said. "But Teddy is right, kiddo. We might not find your father."
"I want to at least try, you know?"
"Wait, one of Saltori's domestic abuse arrests was in 1986. Guess who he got in a fight with?" Jay informed them.
"Bunny." Erin answered.
"Alright, so we talk to Saltori tomorrow." Hank looked at his surrogate daughter. "Go home and get some rest. Spend some time with the kids."
"Okay." Erin agreed. She was exhausted and she just wanted to hug her kids and remind herself that they will never have a childhood like hers.
"I wanna know whatever you find out." Teddy said as he gave her a hug. "Call me if you need anything. I love you."
"Thanks, Teddy. I love you too." Erin looked at Jimmy, not really sure what to say now. "Why didn't you ever try and help me? You knew what Bunny was like. You could have helped me."
"It wasn't that easy, Erin. I had a family."
"You're right. You thought I was your daughter, but I didn't count as your family." She shook her head. "I'm happy you're not my father. It would have been worse than any of these other guys because you had the choice to be a decent person, but you chose not to."
"Erin, I…"
"Jay, can we go?"
"Of course." He came up behind her and put a hand on her back. She gave Hank a quick smile and then let her husband lead her out.
Once they were in the car and on the way to Will's to get the kids, Jay began to talk. "How do you feel?"
"Confused." Erin admitted. "I don't know how to feel. I know that there are people who abused me when I was a child, and it's hard to see a face and actually put it with the name. It's pretty obvious that I have some repressed memories. I think I might want to talk to Dr. Charles about it, just to be safe."
"That would be good." Jay agreed. "I'm really proud of you for making that decision."
"Yeah, well, I have to be a mom. I can't let all this baggage affect how I take care of them, or our relationship."
When they arrived, the kids all ran out of the house excitedly. Erin hugged her children tightly. She was thankful that no matter what, she would always have her beautiful children and she could choose to break the cycle that she had been raised in.
Erin and Jay got home and tucked the kids into their beds. As Erin was walking out of the girls' room, Sophia called out to her. "Mama?"
"Yeah, baby?"
"You're the best Mama in the world and I love you."
Erin's eyes teared up, but she bit her lip to try and keep it together. "I love you too, Soph."
When she walked into the bedroom, Jay was already in bed. She pulled back the blankets and got underneath them. "I don't want to talk about it, okay? Can you just hold me for a little while?"
"Of course, baby." Jay pulled her into his arms and kissed her forehead. "I'm not going to push you, but I'm always here to talk."
"I know." She kissed his bare chest quickly. "Thank you."
The night had dragged on endlessly for Erin. She had tossed and turned so much that by the time morning came, she felt like she hadn't slept at all. She could tell Jay was just as exhausted and she felt guilty for keeping him up.
They went about their normal routine to help the kids get ready. Erin drove to school and gave each of her kids a kiss before Jay took them into the building. By the time he came out, she was practically bouncing from her nerves. She didn't know what talking to Mark Saltori would do, but she hoped it had some answers.
Hank had given them permission to go straight to the prison. It didn't take long for them to sign in and have him brought into a questioning room. Erin and Jay were sitting on one side of the table when the guards brought him in. They chained him to the table and then stepped back.
"What's this about?"
The man sitting in front of her was older, probably in his 60s. He had white hair and dark eyes. Erin studied his face, but she didn't have any memories of him.
"What was the nature of your relationship with Barbara Courtney?" Jay began.
"Bunny?" he smiled, and it chilled Erin right down to her bone. "We were…friends."
"Never anything more?"
"What is the point of these questions?"
"Just answer them." Jay stared him down. "Did you have a relationship with Bunny?"
"We were on and off." Saltori shrugged. "Depended on what drugs she could find that week."
"When did you first meet Bunny?"
"After she graduated high school. We worked at the same restaurant. I was a cook, she was a waitress. I think the year was '84?" Erin watched as his gaze shifted and he stared at her. They made eye contact and he didn't say anything, instead just staring.
"Did you ever meet her children?"
Saltori's face changed, breaking out into another smile. "That's what this is about, isn't it? Are you Erin?"
Erin just kept a blank face, reminding herself that this was something she had to do. "I am."
"It's so good to see you again, sweetheart."
Just like that, the memories came flooding back. He had called her sweetheart as a child. He was the one who threw her down the stairs and held her underwater and broke her collarbone. He was probably the one to knock her unconscious when she would cry as a baby.
"Do you remember our times together? I just wanted to be your friend, but you could never behave yourself."
Erin leaned forward. "You were abusive towards me and my brother for no reason. We did nothing wrong, and you hurt us. Why?"
"Because you didn't listen. Bunny never disciplined you. You were always talking back and asking questions. You didn't understand your place."
"Are you my father?" she blurted out. She couldn't help it; she didn't want to sit in this room any longer than she had to.
Saltori started to laugh. "Oh, sweetheart. If I was your father, you would have been a lot better behaved. I would have actually taught you how to act instead of just shooting myself up with drugs and letting you run wild. Just because you called me 'Daddy' doesn't mean I was your father."
That confirmed things for Erin even more. This man had been the main one to abuse her, and the person she thought was her father in all of her memories.
"Do you know who my father is?"
"Why should I tell you that? You just come in here, demanding things. This is how you were as a child." He looked to Jay. "She's a mouthy little thing, isn't she?"
"Answer the question. Do you know who could be her father?" Erin could see how hard Jay was clenching his jaw. She knew he was trying not to flip out on this guy.
"Ask your mother."
"She's dead." Erin deadpanned. "I need to know. I want to know where I came from. I deserve to know that."
"What's in it for me?"
"You know what? We're not going to play this game. You are going to tell her because you owe that to her. You hurt and abused her for years, so if you know, you need to tell her." Jay said.
"All I want to know is this. Do you have children?"
"No." Erin told him.
"Well when you do have children, I expect an apology. You will punish them just like I punished you, because that's what has to be done. Once you have children, you will see that they have to be taught right from wrong. That first time you hit your child, come back here and tell me you're sorry."
"Okay." She agreed, not wanting to argue with him. "Who is my father?"
"Bunny had a bad habit of going after what she couldn't have. She was always sleeping with married men. We got together not too long after you were born, you were only a few months old. She had been sleeping with Jimmy Sanguinetti and Vino Renatti. She didn't know which one was your dad, but Jimmy was a sucker. He would send money to her every time she sent a picture of you, so she told him that he was your dad. Never ordered a DNA test to prove it though."
"Let's go." Erin stood up, Jay following her lead.
"See you in a few years with that apology, sweetheart." He laughed as they headed towards the door. "And detective? Watch it before you get involved with her. Erin has a tendency to drag everyone down around her."
Jay lunged towards the man. "You are a sad excuse for a man. You hurt a child who never did anything to deserve the life she was given." He grabbed him around the throat. Both of the guards stepped in, but Erin stayed back. She didn't know what to say. She wanted Jay to hurt him so that he could never hurt anyone again.
She was startled by her thoughts. Jay was a good man, he didn't hurt people. She stepped forward. "Jay, let go." She put her hand on his arm. He stopped everything he was doing immediately.
"Get out of here!" one of the guards shouted at them.
Erin took Jay's hand in hers and pulled him out of the room. They signed out and then walked out to the car in silence. She didn't want to cry, but she knew she was going to. She wordlessly handed him the keys and got into the passenger's seat. As soon as she shut the door, her cries began.
She could suddenly remember so much more. Erin had been told when she was little that he was her dad, and she had to call him Daddy. He had come in and out of her life, and he was always abusive. He would call her 'sweetheart'. She could remember Teddy's father coming in and finding Bunny in her room with Saltori, and how the two men had fought, and then Teddy's father beat Bunny and disappeared with Teddy for a couple of days.
"Baby." Jay said helplessly. He wasn't touching her, and Erin knew it had to be because he was disgusted with her.
"I know you hate me now." She sobbed. "I'm a horrible person."
"No, you're not." Jay grabbed her by her shoulders and forced her to look into his eyes. She hated the way that she flinched; she wasn't scared of him, but she was so confused about everything. "Erin, you did not deserve the childhood you were given. You were a baby when he came into your life. You did not make the choice to be hurt. It was Bunny's choice to be with a man who hurt you, and that is completely on her. Baby, you didn't do anything wrong. You are not a horrible person."
Erin leaned forward until her forehead made contact with his chest. Jay pulled her over the center console and onto his lap. It was a tight squeeze because of the steering wheel, but it made Erin feel safe. She buried her face in his chest and cried.
She didn't know how long they sat there until she finally calmed down. She jumped when Jay's phone started ringing.
"It's Voight. I'm going to tell him we're taking the day off."
"No, we need to go there. I'm okay."
"Erin, you just cried in my arms for over an hour. You need some time to process."
"No, I need to finish this so I don't have to think about it anymore."
Jay studied her face, then answered the phone. "Halstead…yeah…we'll be there soon…no, she's good…okay." He looked her in the eyes. "If you need to go, we're leaving."
"Okay."
"Come here." He gently grabbed her chin, tilting her face up. "You're so beautiful, you know that? It amazes me every single day how much more I fall in love with you." He gave her a long kiss. Erin melted into him, not in any rush to get back to work. When it finally ended, she gave him a hug.
"Thank you."
"I would do anything for you, Erin. You know that."
"I know." Erin climbed back over to her seat, laughing slightly when Jay groaned because of her elbow digging into his ribs.
They drove back to the district in comfortable silence. Erin had a lot on her mind that she needed to try and sort out, and she needed Hank's help to do it.
They pulled up to the building and Erin looked in the mirror. "God, I look awful."
"No you don't." Jay got out of the car and came around to her side, opening her door. He leaned forward and ran his thumbs under her eyes, trying to erase the makeup that had run down her face. "Gorgeous."
They walked inside together, Erin keeping her head down so no one would see her red and puffy eyes. Jay typed in the code and scanned his fingerprints and they went inside.
Everyone was sitting at their desks and all eyes turned to her. When Hank heard the door open, he came to the doorway of his office. Erin could see in all of their expressions that they were curious to know what was going on.
"I'm fine, guys." She finally said, her voice raspier than usual. It didn't go unnoticed by the others. "Hank, can we talk to you?"
"Of course."
They walked into Hank's office and sat down in the chairs near his desk. Hank perched himself on the edge of the desk. "I'm assuming it didn't go well?"
"I'm 100% sure that Mark Saltori was the one to abuse me when I was a child. He said that I called him 'Daddy', which is something that I remember. He called me 'sweetheart' while we were there and it's like all my memories came flooding back. He called me that when I was a child. He said that he was with Bunny off and on, and they got together not too long after I was born."
"Okay, so that clears up that part of things. How are you feeling?"
"Confused. I know that Bunny is a terrible person, but I just don't understand how she could let someone hurt her children." She bit her lip. "He told me I had to come back and apologize to him when I have children because then I'll know why he did it. What if that will happen one day, Hank? What if I hurt one of my kids?"
"Erin, you have been a mother for seven years now. Have you ever felt the urge to beat one of your children?"
"No."
"Then you've already broken that cycle. You aren't a bad person, Erin. Just because you were raised in bad circumstances doesn't mean that you are like Bunny, or the men that she brought around you." Hank studied her. "Did you find out anything about your father?"
"He mentioned that Bunny slept with a lot of married men, and she told him that it could be Jimmy Sanguinetti or Vino Renatti. We obviously know it's not Bunny, so maybe it's Vino." Erin took a deep breath. "Do you think it could be?"
Erin was trying not to get her hopes up, but she wasn't going to be upset if her father was Camille's cousin. It would be a nice way for her to connect to the only woman who had ever acted as a mother towards her.
Hank shrugged. "Camille and I never really talked about it. We knew that Bunny hung around Vino, and that they were a little too close to just be friends. But we never questioned it. I always thought that maybe that's why Camille wasn't so upset when I brought you home."
"Why didn't you ever tell me any of this?"
"Because I didn't want to bring up old memories for you. By the time we met, you were already so broken down and done with the life you had been a part of. I wanted you to focus on the future instead of where you came from."
"Well can I talk to Vino? What happened to him?"
"He died a few years before Camille. Cancer, I think. Franny is still alive though. She sends me a Christmas card every year." Hank looked at her. "If you really want to chase this, then I'll get in contact. Vino and Franny had a son. We could test your DNA with his and find out."
"I need to know." Erin agreed.
"Then I'll help you figure it out."
"Thank you. For everything." She gave him a hug. At least she had Hank in her life. No matter who her father was, he would always be the man who raised and loved her like his own.
"Hi, I'm Erin Halstead." Erin greeted a few days later as she stood in front of a woman she had never met.
"Oh Erin." The woman, Franny, pulled her into her arms. "You look like him."
"Really?"
"Yes, come in." Franny moved aside so she could enter. "Who is this handsome young man?"
"This is my husband, Jay." She introduced. Surprisingly, Franny pulled him in for a hug too.
"It's nice to meet you." Jay said.
"You too." She led them into the dining room. "When Hank called, I knew that I had to meet you. Camille would talk about you all the time."
"She did?"
"She was so proud of you, Erin."
"I'm kind of confused." Erin admitted. "The man you were married to could be my father. Why are you so happy to see me?"
"Because after a while, you realize that those things don't matter. Vino and I only ever had one child. He told me early on in our relationship about Bunny, and a few years later, he said that she had a daughter that could be his. Vino was always so busy, and he loved me and Leo so much. He said he didn't want to find out because he didn't know what Bunny would do."
Erin nodded. "I don't blame him. She was pretty insane."
"When Camille told us that Hank had met you and you had gotten into some trouble, we thought about finally getting a DNA test. But Vino said that he didn't want to hurt you even more by moving you to a whole new family. We were so happy to find out that Camille and Hank let you move in with them. Camille would come over and tell stories about you. She always said that you had the Renatti stubbornness."
Erin absorbed all of this new information. "Does your son know about me?"
"Yes, he does. His name is Leo, he's three years younger than you. He said that he would be willing to do a DNA test." Franny smiled. "Can I ask you something?"
"Of course."
"What made you decide to do this?"
"I found a letter from Jimmy Sanguinetti saying that he was my father and wanted to meet. A DNA test showed that he isn't actually my father, and this was the direction I was pointed in instead. I just want to know where I came from. I'm not looking for anything from you…"
"Erin, I don't think that. I understand wanting to know who your father is." Franny glanced at Jay. "Do the two of you have children?"
"Yes. Four." Erin answered with a small smile.
Jay turned his phone around for Franny to see. "Our oldest is Connor, then the twins, Henry and Sophia, and then Emma is the youngest."
"They are beautiful." Franny's voice sounded like she was about to cry. "Wait here." She disappeared for a moment, then returned with two picture frames. "This is Vino."
When Erin looked at the picture, she knew. There was no way that this man wasn't her father. She could see similarities between him and herself, like her naturally dark hair, and her dimples.
"And this is Leo with his wife, Katie, and their kids Grace and Victor."
Erin looked at the boy who may be her brother, and she saw the similarities with him too. It was strange to look at someone and see some of her features; she didn't look anything like Bunny or Teddy, so she had never had that experience before.
"Could Leo meet me at the police station for a DNA test tomorrow?"
"I'm sure he could. I will talk to him about it." Franny held her hand. "Thank you for coming here."
"Thank you for letting me."
After a few more minutes, Erin and Jay left. He studied her. "How do you feel?"
"If he is my father, then he's normal. He has a wife and a son and grandkids and he never hurt anyone. I hope it's him."
"You have the same dimples." Jay commented. "He seemed like a good guy, besides the whole cheating on his wife thing."
"We'll know tomorrow." Erin said. She hoped that it was Vino, because if not, then she really had no idea who her father could be.
"Results are in." Jay said to his wife the next evening. Everyone else had gone home, besides the two of them and Hank. The latter came into the bullpen when he heard what Jay said.
He handed the envelope to Erin, letting her find out for herself. "I'm nervous."
"Don't be. Either he is or he isn't. It's better to know."
Erin nodded. She opened the envelope and looked at the paper. "Vino Renatti is my father." The men stayed quiet, letting that information sink in. "That means I'm related to Camille."
"Yes, it does."
Erin went over to Hank and gave him a hug. "Thank you for taking me in. The fact that I knew Camille and she was the only person who really acted like a mother towards me…it really makes knowing this a lot easier."
"Camille was so happy when she met you." Hank told her. "She had heard the rumors, and when she saw you, she knew you had to be Vino's. Her and Franny used to meet up and talk about what was going on with you."
"Where do I go from here? Do I keep talking to Franny? I have a half-brother."
Hank shrugged. "Try and feel it out. They're good people, Erin. Franny will love you and your children like you are her own. Never hurts to have more family, right?"
"Right." Erin smiled. "I'm just happy to know."
"I'm happy for you, kid. Now go home and give my grandkids a kiss for me."
"I will." Jay handed Erin her jacket and she slipped it on. They walked out together, quickly calling their goodbyes to Hank.
"I'm happy we could find out who your dad is." Jay told her once they were in the car.
"Thank you for running that DNA test. I was so mad at you at first, but now, I'm glad you did it. This is so much better than settling with Jimmy Sanguinetti."
"I'm sorry I went behind your back though."
"It's in the past." Erin held his hand. She didn't know where to really go from here, but at least now she knew. Now, she could tell that her entire background wasn't just bad news, that she did have a chance to become a decent person. A little of the weight felt like it was lifted off her shoulders.
Next up…K: Knocked Up!
Let me know any moments you would like to see while Erin is pregnant!