A/N: Okay, next chapter! But first I want to thank you guys for all of the amazing reviews! The last piece may seem totally random but I promise you it's not. Later on it will become relevant to the story.

"We need to talk about why you're in here, Jane." Maura says softly, without looking up from her paper. And I can't help but think that the start of this session seemed so normal. Maura had asked me how I was like she did every other time and I answered that I was good because I was actually feeling pretty good and all of a sudden everything turned to panic when she uttered those few words. Oh, I probably forgot to mention that I am panicking. My heart is racing because talking about why I'm in here means talking about why I tried to kill myself, a subject I have been successfully avoiding for the past few months. So I try to weasel my way out of it, like the coward I am.

"Why do we need to talk about it?" I say, emphasizing the 'need'. Even I can hear the accusation in it.

"In order for you to heal, I need to know what drove you to the point where you needed healing in the first place." Maura states calmly. I can't possibly argue with that. So I let the loaded silence continue and just stare at Maura.

"Tell me about the weeks before your suicide attempt." Maura says. I stare at my hands. And when I hear a voice I'm surprised to hear that it's my own. I don't remember beginning to speak, but now I am speaking and it seems like I'm telling the truth.

"I don't remember when but at some point in my life I just started feeling like I was... suffocating. If you could call it that. There was so much pressure on me from work and my parents and my Ma who was trying to set me up with all of these guys that I wasn't interested in. She kept telling me that I should just find a nice guy and settle down and I didn't want to disappoint her, but I didn't want to settle down either. And my ex-partner was angry at me for asking my chief if I could get a new partner after the Hoyt case." My voice doesn't waver once. Maura nods and writes a few things down. I've learned by now that I can't possibly decipher Maura's cursive writing from 10 feet away and when it's upside down so I don't try to look at what she's writing like I did in the first few sessions.

"When did the suicidal feelings begin? How many weeks before your attempt?" Maura says softly.

"I think it was a few weeks. three or maybe four. The nights were the worst. I just had this awful routine of coming home and flopping down on my bed or couch and just not being able to get up even though I had so many things to do. And I would freak out and start hyperventilating and I felt so bad. I constantly felt like what Hoyt did to me broke me. I felt like I was no longer a full person and I wanted to work hard to become a full person again, but I just couldn't get up. So at night I would just stare up at the ceiling and try to push away the thoughts of ending it all. It just seemed easier. I wouldn't be able to disappoint any more people. I wouldn't have any more responsibilities. No more Hoyt. No more anything." I say. It is true. It is exactly true and it's weird because if anyone else would have asked I would have come up with some shitty lie. But now I didn't. Now I told the truth. And Maura knows because she has put down her pen and is now looking at me with a concerned frown.

"Have you tried to talk about this with anyone? Your work partners or your family?" Maura asks me. I can see that she already knows the answer.

"No." I say softly without looking up. Maura wiggles around in her chair before speaking again.

"And what did you think would have happened to your family if you hadn't survived?" Maura asks me.

"I tried not to think about that. I don't know what would have happened to them." I say, fidgeting with the seam of my pants. I wanted to tell Maura that I love my family. I want to tell her that I didn't want to hurt them. I want to tell her that no, I was not stupid enough to think that they wouldn't care. But I lose the words somewhere between wanting to tell her and being able to tell her.

"I think you should speak to your mother and Frankie Jr about this." Maura says. The way she calls my brother by his name makes me feel like she knows him and I can't help but think about whether or not he would like her. I know it's completely irrelevant because she is my therapist and no one cares if their brother doesn't like their therapist, but the thought pops into my head anyway. Only when I dismiss the thought, I truly register Maura's words and before I even think I'm already refusing.

"No. I'm not talking about this to them. They don't have to know. All they have to know is that I'm doing better and I'm going back home in a few months and everything will be the way it was." I say resolutely. But then I look up into Maura's eyes and I already know that no matter what I say or do, I am going to talk to my mother and Frankie about this. So I sigh exaggeratedly.

"Jane, you know you have to talk to them about it. I know it's hard, but you have to try and show your feelings to the people you care about sometimes." Maura says while looking at me with her piercing eyes and I sigh again before nodding.

"Fine. I'll talk to them. I just- can you maybe be there, too?" I mumble almost incoherently.

"If that will make it easier for you, yes." Maura nods and I smile at her to let her know that I really appreciate it. And then, after a few minutes of silence, Maura speaks.

"You are getting better, Jane. Your mental health is improving." Her eyes look so sincere that it almost makes me want to cry, because she knows exactly what I wanted to hear. She knows exactly what I want and she tries her best to do those things so that I'm happier and that fact alone makes me so happy. So I smile at her again, wider this time. And when the alarm clock rings I get up and I supress the urge to kiss Maura goodbye, as usual, and I walk away with a little more bounce in my step.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

The worst thing about this place is that there are so many completely different people being put together. They put every single one of us in this big jar labelled 'mentally ill'. And I feel like I need to tell them that putting a depressed person and a person that has anger management issues together is like putting a guy with a broken leg together with a woman that has a bladder infection and saying that they are the same. Due to this, things can sometimes get a bit... messy. You see, there's this one guy called Darren who has Multiple Personality Disorder and one of his personalities calls himself 'a private investigator' which basically means he stalks people, spies on them and writes stuff about them in this little book. The problem is that another one of his personalities feels the need to make fun of the private investigator by reading the stuff he wrote down out loud in the middle of the dining room when everyone is in there. Most people don't take this very well. Long story short, I missed my classes because I had to take my friend Johnny to the hospital's doctor because his nose was broken. So afterwards I have a half hour with nothing to do and as usual I find myself on the roof and I wonder if people see me like that. If people think of me as a crazy person. But then I remember what Maura said and I can't help but think that even if people think of me as a crazy person, Maura doesn't. And to be honest, she matters a lot more than people.