Disclaimer: I don't make money off of this story. I don't own Harry Potter and Co. I just like to play with them.
Chapter Warnings: Child deaths, Het
A/N: I got my first flame, sort of. It actually feels good, almost a…rite of passage in fandom. Chapter is dedicated to my dad.
Letters From A Father
Chapter Eleven: The Theory
Friday, December 5th, 1997
Since exams were coming up fairly soon, Harry and Hermione stayed at Hogwarts to study. Remus forbade them to come, saying so in a letter. Harry wrote back with some harsh words, but the gist was 'How dare you forbid me of my own home.' Hermione laughed at the look on Harry's face when he got the reply to his letter with a wolf that looked similar to Moony mooning him, all animated of course.
Harry and Hermione were in the Founder's Room; Hermione was putting the finishing touches on her Charms essay, while Harry was just starting his. He couldn't concentrate on anything. It had been two weeks since Wormtail's death and it haunted him for reasons he wasn't sure about. Wormtail- the man who befriended his parents, then later betrayed them; the man who killed Cedric Diggory and took blood from him the night in the graveyard- killed Nagini. For once, he was a help and not a hinder to Harry. Sure, Harry made him do it and he would've been forced to do it anyway, but he did so willingly before the magic could take him over.
Harry replayed the vision so many times in his head and still felt sorry for Peter as he laid there twitching and screaming till there was an eerie silence of death. Despite everything that happened because of Pettigrew, Harry still felt guilty about his death, along with the other ones he felt he caused. He felt like the chess master now- Dumbledore's role. He used Wormtail as if he wasn't a human, but as a pawn in the perfect position to strike down a knight at a crucial moment. After all, that's what it was, striking at the perfect time. Striking came at a price and no matter how much Peter hurt his family, he still felt that he sent him to his death and that his parents would hang their head in shame of him, wherever they were. He killed another one of his parents' friends.
What he couldn't figure out was why there was a black shimmer when Nagini was killed if there was a white light when Harry did the locket.
Hermione noticed that Harry's eyes hadn't blinked in a while and moved over to shake him.
"What?" He said, startled.
"You weren't blinking. Are you still thinking about Pettigrew?"
"Yeah, and the vision. I'm not sure if Voldemort meant to send that one to me. I mean, there's not much use of him sending visions to me now that the prophecy was destroyed." Harry voiced his black shimmer and white light concerns to her. She got that look in her eyes and Harry knew that she would get to the bottom of it.
His head started pounding all of a sudden. He pulled out a headache potion and drank it, grimacing at the horrid taste.
"Harry, you've been getting more and more headaches. Are you sure you're ok?" He nodded, even though the pounding didn't let up much. It toned down but was still there.
"How should we get the Horcrux out of me?" Harry asked in a small voice. While he was resigned to the fact that he might die during the final battle, he didn't want to die just yet, especially while extracting some evil piece of soul out of him.
"Well, you stabbed the diary. Oh, was there a bright light with that one?"
"Yeah, he exploded. I was more concerned with Ginny at the time."
"Did Dumbledore tell you anything about the ring?"
"No. I intend to find out soon. I still have to yell at him for keeping my d-Snape a secret."
"You know, we haven't actually verified if he was your dad. It was just putting the pieces together. We'll worry about that later. The cup isn't broken yet, so let's move on to the locket. There was a bright light with that one."
"Yeah, then the black shimmer with Nagini. I don't get it. Maybe I'm just thinking to hard on it." His head started to pound again.
"I'll think on this. You-" Hermione looked over and saw that he was asleep and had an empty Dreamless Sleep vial in his hand. She picked his head up and moved his Charms essay out from under him so he wouldn't have ink on his face in the morning, then moved him to the couch. Magically, of course. There's no way in hell she could lift him.
S,
I'm writing to you concerning the shimmer in Prongslet's dream.
A body is just a container for the soul and can easily be destroyed. However, a soul is not meant to be broken up. Could there be a slight chance that all of the pieces are still out there, trying to regroup?
Like I said, a soul is not meant to be broken, so once the container (the ring, the locket, etc…) is destroyed, would that piece attempt to find the nearest piece of Voldemort?
If so, there is still a piece in Voldemort himself and there's the one in Harry. Concerning the diary and the locket, Harry was the closest piece of Voldemort, so those pieces could have gone into Harry's scar. It explains the intense headaches he's been having, which he has been hiding from you and Remus by the way, since he messed with the locket.
Harry said he thought about his love for the Weasley's and Ron to break the locket, and his concern for Ginny, and not of himself, for the diary, and both of those resulted in bright white lights. Wormtail, on the other hand, probably used hate for his master to kill Nagini, resulting in a black shimmer. Maybe the bright light was the piece seeping into Harry, just like the black shimmer seeped into Voldemort.
The problem with my theory is the ring. I do not know anything, but Harry is determined to find out.
-G
He and Hermione talked about those ghastly nicknames, as they both refused to sign their letters with 'Bat' and 'Bush'. They agreed to use 'S' for Snape and 'G' for Granger. It was more comfortable that way.
"Dobby!" Hermione loathed using the hyperactive elf for something like this, but it was the fastest way to get the letter to Snape. Hedwig was too noticeable and she was at Godric's Hollow anyway. There was an almost immediate reply.
G,
It is a valid theory. If your hunch is correct, Prongslet will have the ring Horcrux as well.
The Headmaster was pure and had the ring on when he broke it, thus it cursed his hand to touch something so evil, similar to Mr. Weasley's hand; however, it must have been a different curse.
With the amount of power that Albus had, and the power behind the Hogwarts wards, he felt safe to break it there, which is closer to Prongslet than to the Dark Lord. He said he broke it at the Gaunt's shack, but I know otherwise. My mark burned when it broke because I was close to it, which means that he broke it at Hogwarts.
I will ask the wolf for his thoughts.
-S
Hermione looked at the time and decided to head to bed in her dorm. Ron and Harry still weren't on the best of terms so Harry permanently moved into the Founder's Room.
-----
Harry woke up; his head wasn't pounding quite as bad, and noticed that Hermione was gone. He looked at his watch and saw that it was nearing three a.m.. He leaned up, stretched, and noticed two letters on the floor.
He walked over and read them. Groaning, he put them on the side table near his couch and put his face in his hands.
"My life sucks."
"Dear?" Hufflepuff said. The Founders had taken to wondering in and out of the room when Hermione were there, but they always came back when Harry was alone, which he thought was odd.
"Just another thing to make me weird," Harry complained.
"Oh, but Harry honey, you are abnormal!" Hufflepuff exclaimed. Harry glared at her.
"Obviously, that's something he wants to avoid, Helga." Ravenclaw rolled her eyes.
"Why are you denying who you are? You are Harry Potter, and you are weird," Helga said with a straight face. Rowena and Godric laughed and Harry blushed.
"What she means is that it's something you cannot change, dear boy. You, Harry Potter, are destined to be great, and with that comes responsibilities. Albus Dumbledore thought he was weird when he was your age too, but he came to embrace it…a little too much, in my opinion." Harry opened his mouth to protest being compared to Dumbledore, but when he thought about Pettigrew, he closed it again. "Harry, embrace it. It is who you are." Harry looked at Godric and nodded.
"Good. Now that we have your identity crisis cleared up, we can get down to why we really wanted to talk to you. There should be a button on the side of my frame." Harry got up and walked to the portrait. He felt around for a bit, then found the button.
"Go ahead and push it" Godric instructed. Harry did and the portrait flew open. There was a small hole and a sword floating with the blade pointing up. He took it out then shut Godric back. The double-edged blade was straight, about three feet long, and extremely light. The hilt of the sword was encrusted with two rows of rubies, sapphires, topazes, and emeralds. One row circled just under the cross guard and the other row was just above the pommel. The pommel itself was a big diamond. The grip was silver and had an engraving of the Hogwarts seal on it.
"We forged this sword long ago. Use it to defeat the darkness that plagues this world." Godric said solemnly. The other three Founders nodded silently.
"I will try."
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December 19th, 1997
Exams were over and while Harry was ecstatic to go his home for Christmas for once, he was a bit nervous. It would be his first Christmas with family. He wasn't sure what to get for Severus for Christmas. Hermione joined them at Godric's Hollow for a few days before going to her home with her parents. She would be coming back to help with the ritual, but wanted to see her parents badly. She had been pleading with her parents to get them out of the country for the rest of the year, but they refused to leave. She didn't want them hurt.
At about eleven p.m., they Flooed over to the house after wishing Minerva a very Happy Christmas break. When they got there, there was only Remus, Tonks, and Draco. They were all asleep so Hermione and Harry also went to bed. Harry's scar started hurting…
Snape apparated to the Dark Lord and immediately kissed his robes.
"You are late. Cruico."Voldemort cursed Snape. Snape screamed and convulsed till it was lifted.
"Thank you, My Lord." He stood up, still in a submissive posture and glided to his spot to in the Inner Circle.
"My loyal followers, we have one of our brothers back. Lucius, did you enjoy your present?"
"Yes, My Lord," Malfoy replied, bowing his head. Severus figured whoever 'she' was must have worked for the Ministry. Lucius usually killed people who worked there. Arthur Weasley knew that too, so the bitter rivalry between the two had been due partially to that.
"I admire your restraint in not killing her just yet, Lucius," Voldemort said before he turned to his followers.
"Death Eaters, time to kill where I began!" Voldemort said. Cheers sprang up all around the ballroom at Riddle Manor. Voldemort swept out and apparated to his old orphanage. His Death Eaters appeared by his side and he split his men into two groups: Lucius' and Severus'. Severus had a bad feeling in his stomach. He knew Harry was watching and knew he would be mad. These were just kids. Snape had his Occlumency shields up and he felt detached from his mind as he went through the routine.
He saw Lucius giving a poisoned wizard candy to a little kid. Lucius saw him and walked over.
"You have my son. I want him back within one week or I will not hesitate to kill you myself," Lucius whispered.
"I believe you are delusional," Snape sneered. Before Lucius could reply, Voldemort called them over. He had two little kids paralyzed on the floor. They were twitching as if they had been under the Cruciatus Curse for a few minutes. The girl had blood coming out of her nose and lips.
"Kill them," Voldemort pointed at the two kids. "They are the last two of the filth that resides here." Lucius immediately went to work torturing and killed the girl with ease. Severus killed the little boy swiftly to cause him less pain. There is only so much he could do to save someone, and he wasn't in a position to.
Voldemort whispered in Harry's mind…"Do you think you can really defeat me? You sleep while these kids are dying."
His head pounded hard when he woke up. He retched over the side of the bed, nothing really coming out since he hadn't eaten for a while. After he cleaned the little bit up, he heard a noise downstairs. He raced out of his room, ready to defend his home and the people in it but stopped when he saw his dad entering the entrance way from the library.
Snape came back from the Death Eater meeting in pain, and quite mad. He hated spying, and he definitely hated having to participate in the Dark Lord's little ventures. Then, to top it off, Lucius Malfoy was back and had the nerve to threaten him about Draco.
He walked through the door to his son's home and went directly to his room, intent on taking a shower until Harry stopped him at the stairs. Snape noticed that his eyes were mostly green, but they had a red rim around the pupil. He seemed half- Harry and half-Voldemort. Maybe he shouldn't discount Hermione's theory quite so easily.
"Have fun licking Voldemort's boots, Father?"
"I am in no mood to deal with your attitude right now."
"Just like how you don't bother to deal with the four Horcruxes in my head? Don't I mean anything to you?"
"First, that was Ms. Grangers theorem, so you must speak with her to find out why she did not inform you before me. Second, you do, but you were not under…" Snape stopped, because he knew that Harry did feel whatever Voldemort did to his followers.
"I wasn't under what? The Cruciatus Curse? You know damn well I was. I even felt it when you killed that little kid! Would you have done that to me if Voldemort told you to?" Harry yelled. Snape flinched. Remus, Tonks, Draco, and Hermione were watching the fight now. Harry assumed they heard him yell and came to see what the fuss was about. Hermione noticed that Snape seemed to be in more pain that just having that curse set on him. Harry threw up a barrier so that only he and Snape were covered and could get out.
"Harry, you know I wouldn't. You saw what Lucius did to that girl. That boy was going to be killed regardless. Now, kindly move aside and let me shower and sleep before I make my report." Snape made a move up toward stairs.
"Sleep before your report? So you can hinder us by waiting? I bet you do want to help Voldemort." Snape flinched again. "Why do you flinch? You lick his boots and kiss his arse, so why flinch at someone saying his name. Voldemort. Voldemort!" Snape flinched again and his breath started to speed up. Hermione noticed something was wrong; however, Draco, Remus, and Tonks knew exactly what was happening.
"Stop, Harry. Let him rest. He's had a long night. What has gotten into you?" Remus asked incredulously.
"I agree with Remus. Look at him. Stop saying the name," Hermione yelled, tears flowing down her face. Draco wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. She had never seen Harry act so cruel before.
"No. I want to know why he flinches. He didn't even flinch when he killed that kid, yet he flinches at Voldemort's name," Harry said. Draco glared at him, and he glared right back. After turning back to Severus, he said, "So tell me, father dearest, what's so bad about Voldemort's name?"
Snape looks up into Harry's cold eyes, pleading for him to stop. Harry walked up to him and looked directly in his eyes.
"Voldemort." Snape fell to his knees, shuddering. Harry looked down at his dad and noticed blood flowing freely out from his left arm under his Death Eater robes and onto the floor. Harry had been so mad about the kid's death that he didn't even notice the small puddle of blood that came out of his father. Harry dropped the ward and they all rushed to his side. Draco still held Hermione as Remus and Tonks healed Severus as best as they could with Tonks' Auror field potions.
"Draco, take Hermione to her room. Tonks, could you levitate Severus up to his room, please. I have to have a word with Harry here." Remus glared at Harry, who was still in shock.
"Good job, Potter. You may have permanently hurt our spy, who nearly destroyed himself by killing the Headmaster, and you may have ruined your chance at having a family and a father. Are you happy now?" Draco sneeredHermione stormed off with Draco following her. He let her cry on his shoulder before laying her down and letting her sleep. He, then, went to his room to think about this…evil Potter. Tonks had Snape already in his bed and was in Remus' rooms.
Remus went to the lounge, not asking Harry to follow, but Harry knew it was a silent order. As soon as Harry entered, Remus put up silencing spells all over the room before turning to Harry. His eyes were golden and full of rage. Harry knew that Remus was having a hard time controlling the wolf inside, despite the full moon being two days prior. The wolf seemed to lash out at Harry.
"Are you happy? Are you so proud of yourself for hurting him? Do you have any idea how painful it is to hear that name in his presence? The times I say it, it's because it slips out. Every time someone says it, it causes the mark to flair in heat. It's like he's being branded all over again. Are you glad that you almost killed him?" Harry flicked his eyes up at Remus, who was pacing like a caged animal.
"No. I was just furious that he could kill a kid like that, and I think some of the anger was Voldemort's doing, not that that is any excuse," Harry said softly.
"You're damn right it's not! How could you? You purposely caused him pain for information. It's very Voldemort of you. I cannot believe you. During his rise to power the first time, people feared him yes, but they all thought that Dumbledore would do something about it, so the name wasn't as feared as it is now. Those who had been marked, say Lucius Malfoy, would walk around and flinch when someone said it. It caught on, and 'You-Know-Who' started. Now you know why, like you so desperately wanted. Just leave."
Remus blew up a pillow on the other side of the room after Harry left. He had never felt so mad at anyone before. He knew the wolf was angered, so he hoped that when both sides of him calmed down, he could talk to Harry like he normally was, level-headed and composed. How could Harry hurt Severus like that? Even if Voldemort's anger lingered, that is still no excuse for doing what he did. He blew up another pillow, then fixed both back before going up to Tonks.
Tonks looked at Remus with sad eyes and Remus shook his head. They didn't need to talk, nor did they want to. She stood up, walked to him and slid her arms around his waist. Remus put his arms around her and they stood there for a minute thinking about the past half hour.
-----
He walked through the strong oak doors and into the light blue room. He shut the door silently and stood by it, looking at the luscious lump on the bed. Her brown bushel of hair flared out of her head. Her right arm was under her cotton pillow and her left hand was curled under her chin. She looked so peaceful, bathed in the silvery moonlight.
He walked to her and knelt down by the side of her bed. He looked at her with soft eyes and moved a lock of hair out of her face. She seemed to lean into the touch, so he lightly stroked her cheek. Her eyelid fluttered a bit and he moved back to give her space. He didn't want her to think he was attacking her like that weasel did.
She smiled at him sleepily.
"I am not afraid," she said calmly. He moved back in front of her and resumed his light stroking.
"I know it is late, but I have something to show you." He whispered. His hot breath tickled her ear. She closed her eyes and smiled, relishing in the feeling. She pulled off the covers and blushed as she was in her Muggle pajamas whereas he was in his silk sleeping shirt and pants.
He extended a hand to her and she took it. He conjured a blindfold and held it out to her, then picked up her hand again. She looked at the blindfold, not sure if she should continue on.
"Do you trust me?" He asked. Her brown eyes flicked up to meet his silver ones and she nodded. His eyes lit up as he smiled. He walked behind her and put the blindfold on, inhaling the scent of her fuzzy hair; linen and a very light smell of citrus. He ran his hands down her back and held her hips. She shuddered and he made to move his hands off, not wanting to frighten her.
"Shall I guide you this way, or have you hold my hand?" He asked softly. She grasped his hands and put them on her hips securely.
"This way." He smiled and they started to walk somewhat awkwardly our of her room and into the hallway. He thanked Merlin that they didn't have to walk down stairs. They got to the door that led out to the balcony. He moved his hand from her hips, up her sides, and grazed her arms down so that his hands were on the tops of her hands. Together, they reached for the door handles and opened the doors.
He moved his hands back down to her hips and pulled her back a bit then tugged on her ear, signaling not to walk forward. He reached up and took the blindfold off. He let it cascade to the floor. She opened her eyes and in front of her was a small couch with a blanket on it, a coffee table with hot chocolate in white mugs, and melted chocolate with various types of fruit with sticks in them.
He had been nervous for a week trying to decide how to proceed with her. He wasn't sure if she even felt anything for him, but when she turned in his arms and looked at him with such love and sincerity, he knew that this was the best way to go.
She grabbed his hands and pulled him out onto the balcony, then shut the doors behind her. He sat down and pulled her next to him. She laid her head on his chest and he put an arm around her, lightly stroking her arm like he did in the library that day.
Despite the snow falling, it wasn't cold. He could almost hear the gears working in her brilliant mind.
"I placed a charm on the balcony so that it wasn't as cold as it should, but just cold enough to have hot chocolate." He said, then he wrapped them in a warm blanket. They drank the hot chocolate, and fed each other a few of pieces of fruit dipped in the chocolate sauce. Neither spoke as it was a comfortable silence.
They looked out at the moon and the stars that were twinkling for them. She sighed and snuggled further into him. He smiled and tipped her head back; his eyes pleading for that confirmation that he did something right. She raised her hand and played with a lock his blonde hair, pulling him forward as she lightly kissed his lips. She could feel the heat rising to his cheeks; he could too and it made him blush even more. She smiled against his lips and kissed him a bit more firmly, happy he responded. She knew he wasn't trying to pressure her, for which she was thankful. She wanted this. She moaned softly when he started to move his hands up and down her back and her sides gently. She brushed her hands down his firm chest, before going back up again and wrapping her arms around his neck. He gently prodded her lips with his tongue. She opened her mouth and he slowly, almost teasingly, stroked her tongue as she stroked his back.
Finally, they pulled back and he took one of her hands and kissed her palm before interlacing his fingers. She smiled, then kissed his cheek, giggling when he turned even more pink. He grinned and had a mischievous glint in his eyes. She watched him dip his finger into the chocolate sauce and dabbed some on her lips. She ducked her head and blushed. He put a finger under her chin and lifted her head up. He leaned in and very slowly licked the chocolate off while staring deeply into her eyes. He shifted on the couch, and let her lay on top of him. He pulled the blanket up over them. He put his arms around her and they both drifted off to sleep.
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Harry thought over what Remus and Draco had said, especially Remus' speech. He'd never seen the werewolf act like that before. He was usually cool, calm, and collected, but he wasn't any of those things.
He had a good reason to say those things… Harry thought. He sat up in his bed and looked out the window. He knew he messed up on so many levels. Draco was right; he probably ruined his chance at having a father. He used to dream that his dad would take him from the Dursleys, but he never showed. Harry lost hope, but that hope had been rekindled on his seventeenth birthday. He did have a dad, and even though it wasn't James Potter, he still had one. Remus was also right. He acted like Voldemort. That thought twisted his insides and made him sick. Some savior. How can he save the world if he acted like the tyrant who was scaring everyone now?
Harry leapt out of bed, ran down the hallway and into his father's room. Severus was laying on his back, his chest rising and falling in a shallow pattern. His forearm was bandaged heavily but the blood still seeped through.
"He'll be fine, Harry." Harry jumped around, wand at the ready. Remus stood in the doorway. "Tonks put up a charm that would alert us if someone entered," he explained. Harry nodded and looked back at his dad.
"I don't know why I did that. Maybe it was because when I was little, I dreamt that my dad was this superhero, saving people and special powers, and that he would be my superhero." Harry turned to Remus. "I know he had no choice. I hoped that he would help this boy, since he couldn't help me, that he could be that boy's superhero. I'm so confused." Harry had tears gathering in his eyes. He quickly blinked them out, but Remus saw them anyway.
"To be honest, I am proud of him. He's been through so much, and has to put up with me. I have no idea what came over me back there. I didn't feel…complete, like I wasn't in total control of myself. I'm sure none of that made any sense."
"It makes some sense." They went silent for a minute.
"What happened at the Dursley's? When we talked before at Headquarters, you said 'save me' not 'take me away'. Why?" Remus asked softly. Harry shook his head, and then turned back to his dad. He walked up to a chair near the bed and looked at the potions master. Remus transfigured the chair into a couch and sat down next to Harry.
"I don't have to go back there ever, so I'd like to put what they did out of my mind," Harry explained quietly. Remus knew it wasn't always the best of places to live, but Harry didn't want the whole story to come out.
"I'm sorry for what I said," Remus started.
"Don't. You were right about it all, even comparing me to V-Him. Don't apologize. I completely deserved it and more." Harry looked into Remus' eyes. The wolf nodded and sat back wondering about the Dursley's and what Harry meant about not feeling in control. Now that he thought about it, Harry's eyes did seem a little weird. Potion-induced maybe? Remus shook that thought out of his head. Dobby would never do that, and he only obeyed Harry really. Harry told Dobby to listen to him and Severus, despite Dobby being a free house elf.
"How did you know about the name and the pain it caused?" Harry asked.
"We may not be the best of friends, but Severus and I do talk, and he told me after I confronted him about it. Once you start looking, most known or highly suspected Death Eaters would always grimace. Tonks knew because she's an Auror. There was a massive cover-up when an Auror did the same thing you did, but it ended up killing the person." Remus explained.
"Why didn't he tell me?"
"If you were him, would you admit to something like that, or believe him for that matter? I've seen you with Ron and his flinching and commenting never stopped you."
"I see, and no, I wouldn't believe him. Do you think that Dumbledore's saying it in front of Snape was his way of controlling Snape? He would say it all of the time, especially in front of him, almost like reminding him where his loyalties must lie."
"I cannot speak for Albus. I don't know."
Harry reached over and took one of Snape's hands. The fingers curled around and held to Harry tightly. After a few minutes, Remus hugged Harry then left after bidding goodnight.
"I'm so sorry, dad," Harry whispered then curled up on the couch, never letting go of his dad's hand.
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A/N: There's my first and pitiful attempt at a love scene. I know it seems out of place, but I liked it. It lightens the mood a bit, I think. If you were confused, it's Draco and Hermione. I think that he would be a romantic. Bad boys can surprise you. Sorry it's late! My beta and I had issues.
Don't hate me!
(Post-update post: To the reviewer Alex: I'm not intending to have Snape and Malfoy come off like that, and Harry as an evil person. They aren't. In this chap, Harry's mad that Snape couldn't save someone...Harry has a 'saving-people' thing. Yes, Harry has seen others die in his visions-i.e. Frank Bryce- but he saw himself in that little boy that Snape killed because that boy was unwanted, just like Harry at the Dursleys. It was like watching your dad kill any hope for a chance at life, literately, before your eyes. I'd be pissed too. But he acknowledges Snape as his dad now, whereas before it was used in sarcasm. I hope that helps you understand things.)