WING MAN:

"He he he..."

"What's so funny Natsu?"

"Oh nothing Lucy... it's just that I remembered a quest I did last week."

"Oh yeah?, tell me about it"

"Well... it started as a quest to help this blond ninja, I was suppose help him get a girlfriend..."

:flashback:

Attempt no. 1

"So all I have to do is save Sakura and she'll fall madly in love with me?" -Naruto asked the dragon slayer.

"Yup! And I'll set it all up, remember to bring her to the restaurant in an hour."

-an hour later-

"WHAT THE FUUUUUCKKKK!"-Naruto screamed while dogging flaming pots, pans and a bath-tub?-heading his way.

Next to him was Sakura, "MY FUCKIN' HEAD'S ON FIIIRE!"-she was not happy at all.

Up on the roof of the burning restaurant stood Natsu-"THIS IS WHAT YOU FUCKING GET! NO BODY GIVES ME A FUCKING ICE TEA INSTEAD OF MY MOUNTAIN DEW AND LIVESSSS!"-he was not a fan of iced tea.

Attempt no. 2

"So we had a bad start... not a problem at all!"-Natsu said to the blond glaring at him."We just have to try harder!"

"You set my team mates' head on fire..."

Natsu held a finger up,"But I gave her that pretty wig didn't I?"

"That was a mop... covered with gum."

"Say what you want! I still say its an improvement!"

Naruto started walking to the door,"You better fix this... or your not getting paid."-he said, while slamming the door shut.

Natsu responded by flipping the middle finger to the closed door."Fuck you too!"

-a few hours later-

"Oh Naruto, this so nice-" Sakura and Naruto were currently sitting under a tree next to a river bed outside the village."Its just you, me and relaxation."

"Who's this 'relaxation' you speak of? are you cheating on me!?"-Naruto grabbed her shoulders.

"You're so funny~"

It was a very peaceful moment...if only there wasn't a giant forest fire that came out of no where and trapped them.

"NATSUUU! WHAT GAVE YOU THE STUPID IDEA THAT THIS WOULD HELP!?"

Natsu came out of the bushes-"It sounded awesome in my head... it went like this; the forest was suddenly in fire, the hero and his lover were trapped- but! Suddenly the hero sucked all the fire into his mouth and ate it, the the boy gets a kiss on the cheek, he grabs the girl and throws her over his shoulder and then they run to the nearest cave... the end."

Naruto's left eye twitched, "How did that make ANY! sense at all!?"

"Don't know... this is your problem now man."-he started walking back to the bushes.

"Wait!"-Sakura shouted to the Dragon Slayer."Can't you just help us put out the fire!?"

Natsu stared at her as if she had popped out of tin air,"Who the HELL are you!?"

Naruto was starting to pull his hear out,"She's the one I needed help with."

Natsu was confused,"Really!?"-he scratched his head,"I could've sworn it was that girl with the weird eyes, that I was suppose to help."

"Who are you talking about!?"-Naruto grabbed Natsu's vest.

Natsu pointed to the river, there was a shadow in the water that suspiciously looked like a ninja version of Juvia.-"She's the one who told me to set your team mate's head on fire."

Naruto jumped into the water and pulled out-"A purple Jacket?"

"Wait there's a note in the front pocket."-Sakura pointed to a paper sticking out of the pocket.

Naruto opened it and started reading outloud ; Dear Naruto, if you found this letter then it means you have probably spotted me and I ran like a bitch before you could get anywhere near me.

"Its really well written"-Natsu interrupted."Shut up Natsu..."

This letter is also my way of telling you that I have been watching you... I have always watched you.

"This chick sounds like she really digs you man."

"Ignore him Naruto."

I've been watching you since you joined the academy up till today... I know all there is to know about you.

"You guys sound like the perfect match"

"Keep reading Naruto"

I know how you get wood in the morning and then spend an hour to releave yourself, I know how long your manly Dick is

"OK!"-Natsu started walking to the bushes-"this is getting a little too creepy even for me... and I'm the guy who think's breaking into houses isn't a crime."-he was followed by Sakura-"You should just throw that away Naruto its giving me the chills."

Naruto kept reading.

I know your scent, I know your underwear size, I even have some of your hair and that sock you didn't need

"Didn't I throw a sock into the garbage because it was giving my feet some fungus?"-Naruto shrugged.

I always smell your sock first thing in the morning, I'll never wash it...Its my most prized possession.

"This person really likes me... I should meet her, we could talk all about how awesome I am."

The next day

"Thanks for the extra money Naruko."-Natsu said while pocketing 50 thousand jewels.

"Naruto."-the blond corrected.

"Tomato potato."

"What?"

"Nothing menma"

"Why do you keep saying my name wrong? Its really simple .Tooo. come on say it!"

"Hey I got you the girl didn't I?"-Natsu pointed to Hinata, currently hiding behind a desk.

"I can't remember ALL my clients names Ninato."

"Just take your money and leave."

Natsu started walking out the office, but, he suddenly stopped-"Wait a minute!" he turned around-"I still did't get my mountain dew!"

"We don't have any!"

Natsu took a chair and sat down,"I'm not leaving till I get my Dew!"

Naruto walked to Hinata and whispered,"just get him something from the store, anything will do!"

Hinata nodded her head and went to buy a drink.

-a few moments of silence later-

"I'm back"-true Hinata was back, and in her hand was a can of cold beverage.

"Finally!"-Natsu shouted, as he snatched the can out of her hands, he opened it and gulped it down.

"U-um, Natsu-san... I couldn't find any dew."

Natsu stopped drinking, then he brought the can down and read the label.

Iced Tea

" ICED TEA? ICED FUCCKING TEEAAA!? I'M GONNA FUCKING BLOW THIS PLACE UP! THAT'S IT! YOUR'E ALL GONNA BE MY BITCHES! YOUR'E ALL FUCKED!"

The following scene was too horrific to write, so I (yes me, the author) will entertain you with a song.

You! And me!

Simultaneous~

You! And me! And HER!

Simultaneous~

You! And me! And HER!

Simultaneous~

You! and Me!

Two or three!

Simultaneous Lovin Baby~

Ooh! That's right!

Get down! Simultaneous~

...now lets see what is currently happening.

"OH GOD! STOP! STOP! AGHHHH!"

"YOU WANNA GIVE ME ICED TEA NOW!? WELL!? DO YA!?"

"PLEASE STOP! NO! NOT MY RAMEN STAND! NOOOOOOO!"

"I WARNED YOU BITCHES! I FUCKING WARNED YOUUUU!"

:flash back end:

"...and that's why I've been hiding in you closet since I came back."

"Go home Natsu."

END