Don't Let Your Guard Down
chapter 11

Disclaimer: you've seen me do this 10 times... I hope you've gotten the hang of it by now. If not, go to a previous chapter.

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Sirius rushed into his dormitory an hour later. "It amazes me how smart you are Remus."

Remus looked up. "Um…thanks?"

"You didn't know any details but yet you figured out that James and Lily had sex," Sirius said, sitting on his bed.

Peter fell off his bed and Remus dropped his books on top of his foot. "What?"

Sirius froze. "It amazes me how dumb I am."

"They had sex?" Remus hissed.

"No…where'd you hear that?" Sirius asked innocently, lying down on his bed.

"Sirius!" Remus exclaimed, rubbing his foot.

Sirius sighed. "You can't tell anyone."

"Sirius, we don't go spreading gossip throughout the school…that's your job," Peter noted.

Sirius chose to ignore that comment. "I don't know any details but when I walked into the Head Commons Room, Lily was standing there wrapped in her sheets, calling out James's name, and when I first went into James's room it was clear that he hadn't slept there last night."

"That doesn't necessarily mean they had sex," Remus said.

"True, but my next clue was when she told me she slept with James," Sirius said.

"Oh…well that'll do it," Remus said.

"I don't know how they ended up having sex though," Sirius said.

"Isn't it obvious?" Remus asked. "Those two have so much pent up sexual frustration, they were bound to sleep together soon."

"Well now she's upset because she thinks James left because of her," Sirius said.

Remus and Peter exchanged looks. "Did he?"

Sirius shot up from his bed. "Of course not!"

Remus and Peter looked at each other once again. "Are you sure?"

"Look, I know James has been a coward previously, running away when any form of relationshipstarts formingwith Lily, but he wouldn't run away because they had sex."

"I guess you're right," Peter said. "That's something you would do."

"It's something I did do," Sirius muttered, not thinking about what he was saying.

Remus and Peter stared at him. "What?"

Sirius looked at them. "What?"

"Who did you run away from after having sex?" Peter dared to ask.

Sirius froze. "Did I say that?" Remus and Peter nodded. "Oh, what do I know? I was just rambling."

Remus looked intently at Sirius. "Gigi."

Sirius looked over at Remus. "No, I'm Sirius."

"When did you have sex with Gigi?"

"Giliba and I never had sex," Sirius said. "I wouldn't want to touch her with a ten foot pole."

"When did you guys have sex?" Remus repeated.

"Never," Sirius insisted.

"Sirius," Remus warned.

Sirius sighed. "Last year," Sirius mumbled.

"Sirius!" Remus accused. "How could you have sex with a friend?"

"Hey! Don't yell at me, I just ran into the arms of someone else. At least I didn't leave Hogwarts!"

"You said yourself James didn't leave because of Lily," Peter said.

"And you listened to me?" Sirius asked.

"You had sex with another girl after having sex with Gigi?" Remus asked. Sirius bowed his head and nodded shamefully. Remus threw his books at Sirius ("Ow!"). "You are such a moron."

"Strangely enough, that pretty much sums up what Giliba said," Sirius said.

"Well she had every right to call you that," Remus said.

"Actually I think she used more descriptive words like asshole and player," Sirius said with a shrug.

"And you're okay with that?" Peter asked.

"No, of course not," Sirius muttered. "But what can I do? I was a jerk and hurt her feelings and now we hate each other."

"You mean she hates you and you want to be friends with her again," Remus corrected.

"No," Sirius said. "She has said her share of hurtful things this past year, most of which are uncalled for. Therefore she hates me because of what I did, and I hate her because she thinks going around yelling at me and calling me names is appropriate."

Remus decided not to push the subject any further. "So, when is Prongs coming back?"

"He's not sure," Sirius said. Sirius sat up on his bed, sitting on the edge. "I do find it odd that all of a sudden James leaves with no real mention of it, no details, just a letter that says I'm gone, not sure when I'm coming back."

"And it is a little weird that he leaves the morning after having sex with Lily," Remus mentioned.

"Do you think it's possible to go to Dumbledore and get to James's house?" Sirius asked. "So we can find out what's going on with him."

"You can only leave if it's an emergency," Remus noted. "And what's our emergency going to be? We need to talk to our best friend because he could possibly be hiding away from the girl he is so obviously in love with and who he just had sex with?"

Sirius pondered the idea. "It could happen…"

"Dumbledore would look at us like we had four heads or something," Peter said.

"This is just so frustrating," Sirius muttered, falling back into his bed.

Remus got up from his bed and took out a piece of parchment. "How about we think about something else, and discuss how awesome Christmas is going to be tomorrow."

"I hate Giliba," Sirius explained.

"James isn't here," Peter pointed out.

"Lily and I aren't speaking," Sirius revealed.

Remus put his head in his hands. "You two are impossible to deal with."

"Usually James is the one to keep the group together," Sirius teased.

"Well I could act like James," Remus said. "All I have to do is play with my hair every second of every day, think about girls every second of every day, and show off every second of every day."

"You forgot 'dream about playing Quidditch every second of every day,'" Sirius noted.

It grew quiet and Sirius sighed. "It's quiet around here without James."

"It's called peace," Remus joked.

There was a knock at the door and all three boys turned to look at the door. "Come in!" Remus exclaimed.

Kacie poked her head in. "Have you guys seen Lily or Gigi? I can't find them anywhere."

The three boys exchanged looks. "No idea where they could be," Peter answered quickly.

Kacie gave them skeptical looks and shut the door behind her. "What's going on?"

"We're talking about Quidditch," Remus said quickly.

"And girls," Peter said.

"Girls playing Quidditch," Sirius finished.

Kacie rolled her eyes. "Do I look stupid?"

All three boys looked at her. "Well actually-" Sirius started.

"Don't finish that sentence," Kacie warned. She sat down on Remus's bed. "Where are they?"

"Who? The girls playing Quidditch?" Sirius asked innocently. Kacie glared at him. "I have no idea where Lily or Giliba is."

Kacie turned to Peter and Remus who were avoiding eye contact and then looked back at Sirius. "I know something's going on because there's gossip to be spread and amazingly, you're keeping your mouth shut."

"I resent that," Sirius said.

"It's true," Remus pointed out.

"I said I resent that, not 'I deny that,'" Sirius said.

"There you guys are," Kacie said, plopping herself down against a tree besides Lily and Gigi.

"Hi," the mumbled.

"What's wrong?" Kacie asked, picking up a handful of snow and making a snowball out of it.

"Nothing," they muttered.

Kacie rolled her eyes. "I just ran into the guys and-"

Gigi and Lily jerked up. "What did they say to you?" Lily asked cautiously.

"Nothing really," Kacie said, obviously suspicious of Lily and Gigi's sudden movement.

Gigi and Lily exchanged looks and Kacie sighed. "C'mon guys, what's going on?"

Gigi and Lily turned back to Kacie. Gigi sighed. "You go first."

Lily looked down at her frozen fingers, took a deep breath and dove into the story. "I slept with James."

Kacie's mouth dropped wide open. "You what?"

"I drank a little too much, he brought me back to the room, we talked and before I knew it…we had sex," Lily said, burying her head in her hands. "And now he regrets it so much, he had to leave Hogwarts."

"Are you sure he left because of you?" Kacie asked.

"He hates me, he kisses me, he ditches me, now he has sex with me, and then the very next morning he disappears?" Lily asked. "You put two and two together." Neither Kacie nor Gigi said anything, only because what she was saying made perfect sense.

Kacie shook her head in shock and then turned to Gigi. "And what's wrong with you?"

"I feel bad for Lily," Gigi lied.

"Gi!" Lily accused.

Gigi sighed. "I hate Black."

Kacie rolled her eyes. "I had no idea you hated him! Alert the media!" she cried out sarcastically.

Gigi shrugged her shoulders at Kacie's comment. "You asked what was wrong with me. He's what's wrong."

"Tell her why you hate him so much," Lily urged.

Kacie turned to Gigi just as Gigi glared at Lily. Gigi sighed and turned back to Kacie. "I did the stupidest thing I've ever done in my entire life,"Gigi took a deep breath. "and I slept with Black."

For the second time in five minutes, Kacie's jaw dropped. "What is with you two?"

"That's not all," Gigi said. "He slept with another girl not even twenty four hours after having sex with me."

Kacie's eyes narrowed. "What a jerk!"

"Exactly," Gigi muttered.

"Why haven't you told us this before?" Kacie asked. "We're always urging you to stop hating Sirius and to become friends with him. If I had known why you hated him so much, I never would have attempted to make you and Sirius get along."

"I was mortified," Gigi said simply. "I was embarrassed and humiliated and until now I thought I was the only stupid one to be used by a Marauder. But when Lily told me her story, I felt I had to tell her what happened between me and Black."

"Makes sense," Kacie said with a nod.

It was quiet for a few seconds until Lily spoke up, "This is turning out to be the worst Christmas ever."

"Screw the Marauders," Kacie said. "Well not literally because apparently that gets you into trouble and-"

"Anyway," Lily said with a hint of a smile.

"We'll have the best Christmas ever just the three of us. Who needs the Marauders?" Kacie asked, putting her arms around her two best friends. "Christmas is in two days and I better see smiles on your faces before then."

Lily and Gigi gave forced half smiles and Kacie laughed at their lame attempt. "It's a good thing you have two days to work on it."

"Hey Kace," Sirius said, coming up to her the next afternoon. "Tomorrow we were thinking about having Christmas in Lily and James's common room. That way we-"

"No," Kacie said firmly.

Sirius stopped and turned to Remus and Peter for an explanation. "No?"

Remus and Peter shrugged at Sirius, obviously confused.

Kacie shook her head. "We're doing Christmas our own way."

"Who's we?" Remus asked.

"Lily, Gigi, and I," Kacie said.

"Why? Because Lily and I aren't talking? Or because somehow Gigi convinced you that I'm a horrible person?" Sirius asked with a sigh.

"She didn't have to do much convincing," Kacie muttered.

"You're not gonna spend the holidays with us because of a little something Giliba said?" Sirius cried out angrily.

"A little something?" Kacie exclaimed with a mean laugh. "She didn't have to tell me how horrible you were. All she had to say was that you slept with another girl twelve hours after sleeping with her and I formed my own conclusions."

Sirius just stood there, not sure as to what to say. He just looked at Kacie and asked calmly, "She told you?"

Kacie nodded and started to walk away. She turned to head and said, "Oh, and I wouldn't say you were horrible." Sirius looked up at her. "Horrible is too nice of a word to describe you right now." And she turned on her heels and sauntered off.

Sirius lowered his head in shame. "I didn't think she would ever find out."

"Gigi?" Remus asked. Sirius nodded. "Why'd you do it?"

Sirius sighed. "Because it's what I always do. I run when things get complicated. I'm afraid to grow too attached."

"But then how come you feel so bad about it this time?" Remus asked.

It took awhile for Sirius to come up with an answer. "Because unlike the others, I actually cared for Giliba."

Christmas passed, and although no one liked to admit it, it was definitely one of the worst Christmas's. Everyone was mad at someone and no one could fully enjoy the holidays. But now Christmas and New Years has passed (quite uneventful, unless you would say Sirius, Remus, and Peter getting drunk in Hogsmeade and bringing in the New Year by throwing up is eventful. Or perhaps you would say that Lily, Gigi, and Kacie hanging out in Lily's room having a mini sleepover is eventful). The girls were still staying away from the guys and the guys were praying that James come back soon. But a week passed…then another week, and still no sign of James.

"He's coming back, right?" Sirius whispered as they were leaving DADA.

Remus shrugged. He was tired of insisting that James would be back, because now he wasn't so sure himself.

"Is he returning your letters?" Peter asked Sirius.

Sirius shook his head. "It's like he completely disappeared. He's already missed a week of classes."

The three boys exchanged glances and Remus dared to ask, "Do you think he's actually coming back?"

It was quiet for a few seconds and then Sirius hit Remus over the head with his book. "Ow!"

"Don't think like that," Sirius urged. "James is coming back."

"I hope not," a voice said from behind them. The three boys turned around to see Gigi, Lily, and Kacie standing there.

"No one's talking to you Lily," Sirius said.

"Like that's ever stopped you from speaking up," Lily said haughtily.

"At least when I speak up, it makes sense," Sirius said. "You want James here and you know it."

"Hell no I don't," Lily exclaimed. "In fact, I hope he fell off his broom or something and can't come back."

"Then who would you have sex with?" Sirius scorned. People in the hallways turned their heads at that comment and Lily narrowed her eyebrows.

"I hope you have fun in hell," Lily sneered and then stormed off.

When the girls were out of sight, Remus turned to Sirius. "I think that comment was a little uncalled for."

Sirius shrugged. "If she's gonna be a bitch to me, she's gotta learn that I'm going to retaliate."

"Tell me again exactly why you're mad at her," Remus said.

"She does something stupid and then looks to blame someone else," Sirius said. "She thinks she's Miss Perfect and nothing is her fault and she should just face the facts and take full responsibility for what she did."

"Do you really think it was her fault they had sex?" Remus asked.

"What do you mean?" Sirius asked.

"Well, perhaps it was James's fault…" Remus said slowly.

Sirius's jaw dropped. "You have got to be kidding me. You think James is to blame?"

"I don't know what to think," Remus said, entering the Gryffindor commons room. "But she was drunk and you and I both know it's not like Lily to have sex with just anyone and-"

"They were both perfectly aware of what was happening," Sirius insisted stubbornly. "No way did James make her have sex with him."

Remus shrugged. "I'm just trying to figure out what went on between them."

"Prongs may seem like a player and the kind of guy to just use a girl, but we all know that he was in love with Lily and would never intentionally hurt her," Sirius asserted.

Remus plopped down on a couch and shrugged. "I really wish we knew why he wasn't here."

"He loves Hogwarts," Peter said. "Only a really good reason would keep him away from this place."

"A really good reason with red hair and green eyes," Remus muttered.

Sirius watched Kacie walk down the stairs from the girls dorms and head towards the exit of the commons room. "I'll be right back," Sirius said, and got up to follow Kacie.

"Kacie, wait up!" Sirius called out after he climbed out of the portrait hole.

Kacie turned around and growled. "I'm busy."

"Just hear me out," Sirius urged. Kacie stopped, but didn't say anything. "You have every right to hate me but can you at least just let me explain?"

Kacie sighed. "Look Si, I have known all these years that you're a jerk when it comes to girls. But I love you as a friend and a person, so I tried ignoring it. But when you hurt my best friend, I can't help it if I don't feel like being friends with you."

"Giliba is different," Sirius blurted out.

"Huh?"

"Giliba and I were good friends," Sirius said. "My number one rule was to never do anything with my friends because then things get awkward. Well, obviously I broke that rule and have regretted it ever since."

Kacie gave Sirius a suspicious look and then gasped. "You like her."

"Excuse me?"

"You actually like her," Kacie claimed. "You actually care for the girl!"

"Okay, I never said any of that," Sirius said.

"You don't have to," Kacie said. "She's gonna love this."

"What?" Sirius cried out. "You're gonna tell her?"

"How awesome would it be when I tell her that her sworn enemy has fallen for her," Kacie cried out.

"No," Sirius said firmly. "You've got it all wrong. I just miss being friends with her. When Giliba and I had sex, I cared for her. That's why I got scared and ran away from it. But now, to put it simply, I hate her."

Kacie smiled. "Yeah right."

"You don't have to believe me," Sirius said with a shrug. "I just wanted to explain myself so you and I could go back to being friends. As much as I love Remus and Peter, I need to talk to a girl every once in awhile. Obviously Lily and Giliba aren't in any mood to talk to me, so I thought you would be my best shot."

"Although I don't like what you did to Gigi, I probably shouldn't be so angry about it," Kacie said. "I mean, Gigi isn't known for her perfect reputation."

Sirius gave Kacie a hug. "So, we're cool?"

Kacie nodded. "Now, if you excuse me, I have something important to do."

"What's that?"

"Remove the darts from the picture of you we have on our wall," Kacie teased. Sirius laughed and went back to the Gryffindor commons room.

"It's snowing," Sirius pouted a few days later. "We should be out building a snowman or throwing snowballs at each other. Not in here writing a Potions essay."

"Or taking notes for my Transfiguration class," Remus noted.

"Or reading my Arithmacy book," Peter said.

Remus glanced over at Lily, Kacie, and Gigi who were doing homework as well. "I guess it's a heavy work day for all seventh years."

Sirius turned his gaze towards the girls also and scowled. "It would be more fun to throw snowballs at them."

Peter laughed and glanced around the commons room. "I envy the fourth years. They're playing exploding snaps."

"And there's a couple of second years playing chess," Remus pointed out. "Remember how easy it was when we were that age?"

"Yeah, how come things got so complicated?" Sirius sulked.

"I don't know but-" Remus started but then stopped and stared with his mouth wide open.

"But what?" Sirius asked, turning his gaze to see what Remus was looking at. "Oh my god. James?"

"Hey guys…miss me?" James asked, walking over to them.

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oops...another cliffhanger!

How will Lily react? Will we ever find out why James really left? Will Sirius and Lily ever make up?

only one way to find out...REVIEW!