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Chapter 11 : Pushing the Witch into the Oven
"Put her back! You can't take away the spirit's sacrifice! This is her choice." Akito looked like a vengeful ghost, his pale skin glowing in the moonlight as he stood over Yuki.
It was strange. Minutes ago Yuki had felt as if he were bursting with emotion, as if it were leaking out of him in frenetic bursts, like an atom splitting apart. Now, staring at Tohru's sobbing form, he just felt as if he was empty.
He had known that Tohru was the type to sacrifice herself for other people. He depended on it, on her. But to literally sacrifice herself . . . for them, the Junnishi. The thought had never occurred to him, although it was now running in endless loops in his head.
Something suspiciously like a giggle escaped from Yuki. If Tohru, if Tohru were to die, to die for him. It would be like one of those ridiculous Shakespeare plays. This was all Akito's fault, all Akito's influence! Tohru would never do something like this by herself. Definitely not. Tohru would want to live. She had to. Had to. This situation wasn't possible, it was all Akito's fault
All Akito's fault
Always Akito's fault.
He rose slowly to his feet, clutching the sobbing Tohru to his chest. She was like a drowned doll, endlessly crying. If Tohru was lonely, if Tohru was hurting, he should have been there for her. Instead he'd been lost in his sick fantasies. Her most desperate wish, to be reunited with her mother, was something that he couldn't do anything about. He didn't want her to go. Even if it was selfish, even if there was always a secret part of her that was sad, that was unfulfilled. He wanted to keep her by his side.
"Give her back" Akito's voice was fierce as he tugged insistently at the limp girl.
"NO!" Yuki growled, doubling over as pain wracked through his body. It hurt, oh it hurt to disobey Akito. But he clutched Tohru to him tighter.
"You can't disobey me, none of the Juunishi can disobey me!" Akito screamed, grabbing Yuki by his hair and jerking the younger boy's head back so that their faces were bare inches apart. Akito towered over him.
Yuki shuddered, his mind was trying to panic, sinking into memories of his childhood. At the same time, it felt as if his own body was twisting itself apart. He clutched Tohru tighter. No matter what, he wouldn't let go.
Akito's lips twisted in a cruel parody of a smile. "Fine, discover what happens when the Juunishi disobey. Learn what you are without me."
The constriction in Yuki's lungs faded, but the pain in his body didn't. It intensified, higher than it seemed possible, until he was biting his lip not to scream. It was an old habit, not to scream.
The pain eventually, mercifully, faded. And the meaning of Akito's words sunk in as Yuki stared down at his lightly furred skin, clawed hands, and elongated limbs. He was a demon, like Kyou. He didn't feel out of control though. He just felt, different. Like listening to sounds underwater.
Yuki stood up, brushing off Akito's grip on his hair. He towered over Akito now. It was, literally, a different perspective.
"Give her back, or be trapped in that form forever." Akito's voice was flat, he was tired of playing games.
"No, I refuse to accept her sacrifice. If the only way for me to be human is for her to die, then I don't care about being human. I don't want my life to be based on a sacrifice, not of someone I love." Yuki paused for a moment, thinking.
"It would be much simpler if you died, don't you think?" Yuki tilted his head to the side, wondering if it would still fulfill the terms of the curse if Akito was killed rather than giving up his life voluntarily. He didn't really care.
It was ridiculously easy to pick the slender boy up by the neck, he could literally see Akito's life force seeping away, like rotting fruit dripping in his hand.
"No. Stop, please stop" it was a whisper, but any sound she made was enough to draw Yuki's attention. She had stopped crying now. She was awake and leaning over to try to loosen his grip on Akito's throat.
"No!" the denial fell easily from his lips, like a stone rolling downhill.
"All of my life Akito has treated me like a toy, has hurt me, has taken everything important away from me! Not just the curse, but this, all of this, it needs to stop. Nobody ever does anything about it!" the last came out as a scream, and his hand tightened on Akito's throat. Just a little bit more.
"Please, please stop. Nothing will change if you do this, you know that. Doing something like this would just sink you further into the curse. Something so full of violence and hate."
"Don't talk to me!" He tightened his grip on Akito, so fragile.
"You would have abandoned me. How did you think that I was supposed to live, knowing that you had sacrificed yourself for me?" he gripped Akito's neck tighter. There was almost nothing left now.
"I'm sorry. Sometimes I'm sad. Sometimes I'm lonely. Sometimes I do things that hurt other people around me. I couldn't think of anything except being with my mother again. I wasn't thinking about sacrifices. Or about you. I'm sorry." She continued to try to pry Akito lose from his grip.
"But the sound of Yuki crying, the thought of Yuki hurting so much." She paused, as if uncertain whether she should continue.
"The thought of Akito hurting so much." She held his gaze, her eyes seemed black in the moonlight.
"Even though I want to be with my mother badly, I can't leave everyone behind.
What Akito did to you is what people did to him. Making him a sacrifice. Treating him like he wasn't human. Making him a monster. He was just lonely. He wanted someone to share his feelings with. Even though it hurt, even though it was wrong. He was lonely and he wanted someone to understand him, to be like him. He wanted you."
"No, it's not like that!" Yuki whispered. Akito fell from his hand, forgotten. Akito was not like him! Akito was a monster. They didn't share anything in common. The thought of something like that, of Akito being like him, was nauseating. It was too much.
He crouched down, shivering in his soaked clothing, awkward in his new, lanky form. He vomited, as if he could eject the information in his head, a physical rejection of Tohru's words.
Finally, there was nothing left. Somewhere in the process he had shrunk back into his human form.
He lay there, shivering in the grass, his mind as blank as the water beside him and the sky above him. Gradually he became aware of Tohru carefully wiping his face clean. Stroking his hair back, making soothing sounds. With a sigh he relaxed, barely aware that he was slipping into sleep, his head cradled on Tohru's thighs and her hair cradling his face.
Tohru looked up from the exhausted Yuki to where Akito stood, wondering what he would do.
"You can still go see your mother if you'd like." Akito said casually, turning his head to stare into the blank surface of the pond.
"No. I want to, but it's not time yet." her fingers tightened convulsively in Yuki's silky hair. It hurt, it hurt to be left behind.
He stepped closer, crouching down so that they were both eye level, with Yuki's sleeping form between them.
"You're cruel then. You should have just let Yuki kill me!" His fingers dug gouges into the earth, he imagined that it was her skin. People who seemed to be kind were the cruelest. He hated them the most.
"But it would be so sad, if you were to die. If you die, the curse will just continue. If you die, then the only meaning of your life would have been your death. It would be pitiful."
He lunged forward, fingers tangling in her hair, pulling. "So I'm pitiful? An hour ago you weren't any different! At least I don't want to die! At least I care about people, I don't abandon them for my own selfish desires!"
"Yes, Akito is a very kind person" she whispered, "you were the only one who saw what I wanted most. What my heart wanted, and offered it to me. Even after all the things that have been done to you. Raising you to die. Having everyone's hopes and desires thrust upon you, while everyone ignored your own. You're still a kind person."
"So you want me to live?"
"Don't you want to live? I miss my mother so much, I don't want to miss anyone else."
"You don't even know me!"
"Didn't I sit beside you all those nights, in my dreams? When you patiently accepted my wishes. I wanted to see my mother so badly, I thrust my desires upon you."
"Idiot! I was trying to trap you, that was what the dream spell was designed to do!"
"But doesn't a spell like that respond to desires? At the same time, weren't you always wanting someone to look at you? Wanting to escape from the burden of the sacrifice? Just wanting someone to see you?"
"It didn't work out for either of us. You didn't get your mom and I'm still the sacrifice." he could feel himself becoming hysterical. For a brief time he had let himself believe that he could escape. That he wouldn't be the sacrifice anymore. Surely, surely once he wasn't the sacrifice, then . . .
"But you're not the sacrifice!" laying Yuki gently on the ground, she bowed, got down on her knees. "Please. Even if people hate you, even if people don't understand, even if it hurts other people! It's important. Akito is Akito, not a sacrifice. Please!"
"Hypocrite" he sneered, "asking me to be selfish when you won't be. I know what will happen. Is already happening. If I step out of my role, they'll hate me more and they'll love you more! This is the only way. You're just making things worse. Giving people false hope. Making -"
"Please, you tried to give me my wish. Please let me also try to give you yours." she whispered looking up at him.
"So die already then! Be selfish! Take my place and see your mother!" he screamed back, grabbing her shoulders to shake them in frustration.
"But that would mean that it was acceptable. Everything that they did to you, that it was all alright!" she threw her arms around him, hugging him as tightly as she could. "I'm sorry that I'm useless and that there's nothing that I can do to take this burden from you. I'm sorry that I can't take your place. That even after all this, you'll have to keep being strong, being hated. And it's selfish, but if you die then I'll be so lonely."
Silently, they watched each other as the moon waned and dew gathered on the ground. Three lonely people, embracing or denying their desires in the night.
Next Chapter:
A full stomach, what happens when you achieve your heart's desire?