"The Value of a Life"

Chapter 11 Just a little bit Schizophrenic

A/N: I'm a couple of days late and this chapter is not as long as it should be with the time that I had. I owe you guys a lot of things, not the least of which being an explanation, an apology, and this chapter, and maybe with some interest; all of which will be in the A/N below, minus the interest. It's pretty important to me that you guys read that. A word of warning: this chapter is not a happy one, and this story won't be as happy for a good long while. Sorry in advance.

Favorite review:

"Nick, so far this story is absolutely fantastic! Keep it up dude!" –LifeDriftsOn

He made an account and I was his first favorite. :)

(Humphrey's POV)

(If it isn't abundantly clear, Humphrey is talking to Bailey at his house)

Wretched, disgusting, horrible, and miserable. That's what Mondays are, the unholy offspring of not enough sleep, procrastination, and the harrowing realization that free time is over and you have to actually do something. If there was ever a day that deserved to have its throat punched, it was Monday. I bet it bullies the other days of the week. It probably takes Sunday's lunch money and gets help from Wednesday, the traitorous, mid-week prick.

And then there was school today, which is outrageous. Mondays should be spent cowering in fear inside of safe, cozy houses. So, I get to school after an infuriating car ride with Charlie, who insisted that she had the right to paint your nails. The audacity, right? She doesn't get that you're just not a pink and glitter type of girl, Bailey. Anyway I get into school and go to my locker, and what's missing? You guessed it. Where's Kate? I figured she was out or had to be somewhere else.

Well now that I was perfectly alone, I walked to first period, thinking that she would meet me there. I get in the class and found out she wasn't there either, so I waited. It's not your fault because you can't help it, but you're really warm and it's near impossible to sleep when you're in the bed too. So, running on only about 3 hours of actual sleep, the only thing I could do was try and get some more while I had the time. I guess people don't like the idea of me being well rested, because only seconds after I put my head down, everyone in the room somehow went half-deaf and could only hear each other through loud, ear-stabbing yelling. That was nice.

Eventually, Kate comes scurrying in, barely in time before the bell. She sat in her seat and before I could ask where she was, Ms. Brown decided it was a great time to start flapping her gums needlessly. I could've gotten away with talking 'under the radar', but I couldn't get Kate's attention. She wouldn't even look at me. Something was definitely up.

After 45 minutes of failed communications during class, the bell rang and Kate shot out of her seat and barely contained a run out of the class. I tried to catch up to her but she was moving really fast.

"Kate, wait!" I yelled down the hall she was escaping down. I don't really know what was going on inside her head, girl. She was going to be with me for the next three classes anyway and why was shy avoiding me in the first place?

After two more classes of teachers talking when they should know better and Kate ignoring me, I reached my limit. I walked into fourth period Physics near fuming and took my seat at the table next to Kate, vexed beyond politeness. My backpack dropped off of my shoulder with a thud and I turned in my chair to face Kate. I looked straight at her and she was trying very hard to make it seem like the blackboard at the front of the room was riveting entertainment.

"Kate, what the hell?" I huffed, aggravated enough to surpass my normal, possibly overly nice demeanor. I meant business, because if I was going to be ignored and avoided so blatantly, I at least deserved to know why. Was it because I didn't say anything to her Saturday or Sunday? That wouldn't make a whole lot of sense, because she has gone years without talking to me, and it's not like I say something every single day.

She reluctantly craned her neck to face me and plastered a nervous smile to her mouth. "Uh…what do you mean?" she asked nonchalantly. I don't know who she thought she was kidding, playing dumb like that as if I hadn't known her for forever.

"Kate," I growled through clenched teeth, breathing steam from my nostrils. The act was riling me further, but I wasn't going to take out all of my anger on her, though deserving it may be. I also was not trying to make a spectacle for the rest of the class' enjoyment. In a more quiet and composed tone, I continued "You know damn well what I mean. Why won't you talk to me? You didn't even meet me this morning.".

"I'm talking to you right now" she said in a condescending way that should have been followed with 'silly'. She returned an annoyingly placid expression, only interrupted by amber eyes with too big pupils and staring shakily. She was very clearly trying not to tell me something.

"Kate." I seethed once more, inadvertently cracking the knuckles, fisted in hands, balled up in growing frustration. She knew I wasn't going to hurt her or do anything drastic, but she finally tuned into the gravity of my demand.

She sighed, deeply and somberly, and toyed with her cuticles on her desk, diverting her eyes them sheepishly. She released another drawn-out exhale and said "This morning, I was…uh…with my boyfriend." she admitted as if it were incriminating. I fought the urge to recoil onto the floor at the news. I got the feeling that I had just teetered off of the apex of a rollercoaster ride, or maybe gone over a speed bump too fast, gravity deciding to take more notice of my stomach.

"Your boyfriend?" I repeated for clarity's sake. It very easily could have been a misheard sentence or maybe some sarcastic quip that I hadn't quite wrapped my head around, like I had feebly hoped, but no. She meant it.

She laughed a bit nervously and more squeaked than said "Yeah". She still refused eye contact though. Where did this guy come even from? This guy appears out of nowhere and all of a sudden, Kate's too busy to meet me like she does every day.

"Wait, what?" I exclaimed rhetorically. This all seemed so confusing and abrupt. Also, her admission seemed to have nothing to do with anything. "Well who is it?" I asked, trying to satiate my thriving curiosity.

"You know Hutch Laille (lie-ye)?"

"I think I know of him. Year 12, right?" I asked cautiously. I'd never really talked to him, but I can match the name to a face. I didn't have any issue with him (well, aside from the one unravelling in front of me).

"Mhm" she affirmed to the table top.

"Since when?" I asked. Had she been flirting with me (or not I have no idea) while she had a boyfriend the whole time? I can't imagine the Kate I knew doing that. We'd spent almost every day together. I'd feel bad for the guy.

"I was at the mall with Candy and Sam after I left your house on Friday and he saw us and asked me out to dinner on Sunday" she explained. She did have a tone like she really didn't want to be telling this to me. At least she used the term 'boyfriend' loosely, but still, that Hutch beat me to her. I'll deal with that thought later. I needed to know why she was acting so weird about it now.

"So, why are you avoiding me?" I asked meekly, now looking at the apparently fascinating table myself. Did she just not need me anymore because she actually got someone? Was I that replaceable? I know you would never replace me, girl. Anyway, I was worried that she was about to tell me to shove it now that she had a real man.

"Umm, Hutch was a little…concerned that something is…going on." She told me. Extraordinary relief aside, that is kinda an asinine thing to do, tell your girlfriend that she can't talk to the guy she's known longer than you, right? Talk about possessive. I guess I shouldn't be so quick to judge. After all, Kate did decide he was worth a try.

"Oh. So what does that mean for us?" I inquired further. I guess there wasn't really an us anymore. We're no longer Humphrey and Kate, the sarcastic, smart-ass duo who doesn't really talk to a whole lot of people. Well, I guess that's more me putting out enough of that for the both of us. She's outgoing and I'm going nowhere. Obviously you've figured that out by now.

"I'm pretty sure nothing, but I figured hold off on the escorting me around like a bodyguard thing until we sort it out." She said in a nervous laugh. Glad to know that she wears the pants in the relationship huh? She will be eventually, but I bet she's just playing it nice for the first couple of dates.

This sucks. Everything about this sucks. The one girl, the one person, that was finally making my dismal life the slightest bit happy (no offense, Bailey) and she's gone. Some jealous, selfish douche comes out of nowhere and sweeps her off her feet. I shouldn't say that. I want her to be happy and everything; have that same smile and laugh that took me years to elicit regularly. I want him to be handsome, and nice, and charming, and everything she's ever wanted.

At the same time, I'm hoping that it crashes and burns in a big, flaming wreck. Does it make me a terrible person to root against a relationship? It probably does, but these are extenuating circumstances. I mean come on; I've been her friend for forever. I've only ever been good to her. I took care of her when she was sick and desperate, I fought of guys near twice my size for her. She was even my first kiss and I was hers. Granted, we were twelve and it wasn't particularly real, but it counts for something. Most of all, I did all of these things, not expecting anything for them except maybe a thank you and a smile. It wasn't to impress her or to make her fall in love with me, much as I would like that, but because I wanted her life to be perfect and happy; and knowing any part of that was being caused by me was enough.

I've never wanted anyone or anything as much as I wanted her. She's smart, and funny, and beautiful, and compassionate, and everything I could ever want, except being mine. Now, the jackass that she's dating tells her not to hang out with me anymore? What kind of shit is that? Do you think she is at all sad about it? Does she think it affects me at all, or am I just some puppy, chasing at her coat tails incessantly and only to be used when she feels like it? Has she only been spending time with me because she had no one else to talk to? She did go out on Friday without me. Then again, she knows that I hate going to the mall. It's so pointless, just walking around in circles, doing a bunch of impulse buying. Plus, she probably just wanted to hang out with a couple of girls for once.

Maybe this was just a middle school friendship that over stepped its limits, y'know. This was bound to happen. She's easily the prettiest girl I've ever met and someone had to take notice of it eventually. I should have made a move sooner. I knew that I wanted her the second I saw her in that hallway the first day of school, but no. I had to pussy out of it.

So if you thought that was awkward, Bailey, wait until I tell you about lunch. It was God awful. I walked there without her. A few minutes later, Sam and Candy come by and sit down with their food. I didn't feel much like eating and don't give me that look. Stop worrying. I just wasn't hungry. Anyway, they sat down and looked at me, but their mouths hung open slightly, as if they wanted to say something and were trying to figure out how. I looked up sharply at them and their lips moved slightly, apparently around words that did not exist.

"Just say it already." I grumbled as I turned back to my food. That last thing I want to do is skate around some stupid conversation that I didn't want to have anyway. Just rip it off like a Band-Aid.

"Did you hear about…" Sam started quietly. It was the same kind of tone that doctors use to tell family members that they no longer get to see a loved one. She didn't have a chance to finish her question, though it was painfully obvious what it was.

"Yes." I interrupted. A cold, steely frown had come to rest over my mouth and I allowed its existence. This was something that warranted frowning about. This was something that warranted pulling hair and teeth out and peeling skin off and clawing my nails at concrete until I wear them to nothingness. A frowned seemed good enough at the moment. With the stoic expression, I pushed the food I had so wastefully bought away, put my head on my forearms, which were crossed in front of me, and stared at the cafeteria table below them.

"You okay?" Sam asked softly. She made it sound like I was a three year old with a tummy ache. I wasn't sick, though I wish someone would tell my stomach. My only problem was that my ribcage felt like it was cracking as it tried to cave into my chest. I felt like I wanted to throw bricks high up into the air and catch them with the top of my head. Maybe a nice, long coma would be good. I could finally get some sleep and I wouldn't have to think about this mess or see anyone or talk to anyone.

"I'm fine." I said, muffled through my sweaters sleeves. Fuck whoever came up with that phrase, 'I'm fine'. What the hell does that even mean anyway? I'm not some china or neatly ground sand. I'm not some exquisite product, refined to exorbitant quality, and over-priced accordingly. I don't know what I am; besides fucked up beyond repair. Worst of all, the one person who could fix me, the one person who made all of this bullshit seem worth it, was now at the hands of a guy so conceited that he demands her life entirely revolve around him.

"Well did you like her?" Candy inquired. It was possible that they were just trying to help me, but I know that they're Kate's friends before mine. I lifted my tired face from the table and stared at her with half-lidded, bloodshot eyes for a few seconds before I replanted my head. It wasn't a cryptic message of body language. It told her how glaringly clear the answer to her question was and if she didn't understand it, I wasn't going to explain. I wasn't even sure that I wasn't even sure that I wanted to answer, wearing my heart on my sleeve so imprudently.

"I'm so sorry" Sam said as she placed an attempting to be reassuring hand on my arm from across the table.

"Yeah" Candy added delicately.

"I don't want to hear it." I replied shortly. "I get the gesture but just leave it alone" I continued. I don't need consoling and even more so, I don't want it. Sympathy is bad enough when I can't stop it, I don't want people patting my back and walking on eggshells around me. Just…like…leave me to my own, y'know.

I put my head down as I tried to pass the time with sleep and failing due to the thoughts zipping through my brain before I could recognize or understand them. The loud droning of the other impossibly annoying school kids who are too stupid and self-absorbed to realize that they're shouting at the other stupid self-absorbed kid across from them didn't help either. I can't imagine what I would have done if I had your hearing, girl. I definitely know what I would have done if I had your teeth though, and it involves the school needing a mop. *Sigh* Okay, I don't really mean it, but still, it's aggravating.

So my futile attempt at rest gets interrupted by close footsteps and the table shaking as two more members joined us a few minutes after Lily did. Thinking of how the numbers of our group worked out, I expected to look up and see Kate and Charlie, but nope, God has a vendetta against me. Maybe I pulled Charlie's hair once too many times when we were younger or stolen too many cookies. Either way, I know he hate's me now because I look up and I see Kate but with her, you guessed it again, Him. They walked hand in hand to us and Kate took the seat next to mine, and Hutch the seat one further. They claimed their places and looked at the rest of the group, minus a presently absent Charlie, and received stunned looks from the other three girls in return. They all stood with gaping jaws that silently said "Uh-oh".

Kate broke the ensuing silence with "Hutch, this is Candy, Sam, and Lily", pointing to the girls respectively across the table. Then she leaned back in her seat to give him a fantastic line of sight to me and said "And this is Humphrey". He glared at me, which somehow went unnoticed by Kate and gave a nod that seemed to have in fine print 'This is because she is here so I have to. If she wasn't, I'd want you dead.'. That was a charming start to a friendship huh? He's a real swell guy. You would love him. He had a pleasant air of 'I have never been through any hardships in my life, but I'm going to be bold and cocky as if I had anyway.'. Just a neat person to be around. I curtly nodded to him and went back to my interesting study of the table top that could only be done with a very close eye.

Hutch completely took the reins of any conversation, talking about football games he's won, amazing basketball shots he's made, and the parties he'd been to in a deep, raspy voice. It was a really gripping talk, had me on the edge of my seat actually and somehow, no matter what ever anyone else said, he always had a response that led back to talking about him.

I occasionally looked up to see the three girls that I was actually allowed to talk to looking back at Hutch with some sort of interest, feigned or otherwise. Every time they saw my head pick up slightly, they would shoot a careful glance my way, to which I responded with returning to my studies.

My food had run cold and untouched as the stories grew old and abrasive as they passed through my ears. Eventually, I'd had enough and finally grew enough of a pair to grab my backpack and my lunch tray. I took the food and threw the entirety of it out, kids in Africa be damned. From there I continued to lonelily walk to my next period where I sat on the floor and waited for the bell. I think that's how I'd rather spend my lunch. If Hutch and Kate become a regular occurrence at previously my table, then I'll find a quiet place outside or in some isolated hall to chill.

I wish you could be there, sitting in the lap you're too big for and letting me gently comb your fur with my fingers while I tell you about my day. You're a good listener. I should run to the store and get you some steak or something. You're looking a little thin. Maybe later.

*sigh* Do you think things will get better? I want to be her friend still and there's no real reason why we shouldn't but I don't know if I can. It'd be too much like if I dangled that steak in front of your eyes and then took it away, but kept it in my pocket to remind you that it was still there. I can't have something that I have wanted for so long and was so close to getting just be there and mock my hesitation. I'll try and make it work, but I don't know, girl.

And before you tell me Bailey, I'm not crazy. I know you don't understand anything but my tone. I didn't think you were going to reply.

A/N: I have a lot to say so I'll do it in as few words as possible. I'm really so, so sorry with how late this is and how it's not as long as it should be. It's entirely my fault. I didn't get to starting it for four days because I was nervous about changing the direction of the story so much with this chapter. Squid84 got me started though, so thank him. Secondly, I didn't finish for a couple more days for a more serious reason. I just saw a psychiatrist and I'm starting on anti-anxiety medication. As much as I hate the idea of it and how much it is my choice, I am going to try it. If you know anything about the drugs, you know that the first week you take them; everything gets much worse before it gets better. Because of this, I am taking the next seven days off. I'm not going to write during the time, so the next chapter will probably be in the ten or eleven days from now. Please don't tell me that you're sorry for me or that you understand, because even though it is a nice gesture, much like my version of Humphrey, I hate sympathy. Anyway because of this, I'm begging you, that if you see a change in the way I write over the next few chapters, tell me about it. This story and you guys are really important to me, and I don't want any chemicals changing this. While I take a break, I'm going to be thinking of more ideas for the story and will likely be on the site every day, watching for pm's and reviews and views, so please feel free to message me your ideas or a review or just talk to me.

Also, interesting anecdote, the review that at the top came in while I was thinking about this and it is from a brand new viewer and a guy who just made their profile and he said some really nice things. I almost cried. It was heartbreaking to think about how much you guys like this and how much that means to me.

Sorry this had to be so serious. See you next chapter.

-Nick (ncham9)