A/N: Thank you for the reviews on the last chapter. It was a bit of a risk, but I laid it all out there and I'm glad you liked it instead of lynching me. I hope you enjoy this chapter as much, but something tells me you might not...or you might like it more...I'm unsure on it myself, I've been flip flopping about whether to include it or not, but here it is! For your reading pleasure. PLEASE tell me what you think, your opinions would be helpful to form an opinion on some stuff that will happen later on in this.

Chapter Eleven

Edward took Jasper's words stoically. He'd known that it was foolish to hope, and even up to the point she'd walked in the door he did. He'd been sitting on the floor of the living room for what felt was millennia. Carlisle had taken to reading in there with him, his thoughts focused completely on the books, although display a patient willingness to talk about it, when he was ready. Edward felt like he wouldn't be able to talk again. He left without a word to anyone, feeling all the seventeen years he should have lived, slipping out into the forest, the picture of her beautiful angelic face contorted in rage and hatred, all directed at him. Of course she hated him, the pictures and everything, they were just some sort of masochistic package she kept to remind her of her pain. He remembered those bewildering seconds that had passed when she was leant towards him and he'd thought maybe this is all just a sick joke. In those milliseconds his mind went into overdrive, telling him that she was just angry at him, she didn't mean any of it and she wanted him as badly as he wanted her.

But no, it wasn't. It was her telling him once and for all to fuck off.

Well, that was it then. There was no hope for him and Bella, she never wanted to see him again. He took in a deep breath, and let it out. At least now he knew, he could get some closure. His jaw was incredibly tight, as his body tried to stem tears that wouldn't come anyhow. His fists clenched and with a scream he slammed one into a tree, knocking it over and staring at it, breathing heavily.

"Go away, Jasper." Edward said, not turning around to see his brother who had followed him.

"I just thought..."

"It's okay, Jasper." Edward told him. "I don't need you to help me with this. It's what I wanted anyway, after a fashion." His mind settled on the demonic face of Rob, and he made a cool clear resolve to kill him, and then they would leave Bella alone. It was the same determination that he'd felt when he had hunted James: Rob had to die for Bella to be safe. He would not let his family go with him, he needed to be alone, his mind reading was the only advantage in a sea of disadvantages against the brute. Also, he wanted no one else to know what happened. If Carlisle was ever to know what he'd done...

"Edward it's not that…"

"She'll be fine." Edward told him confidently. "I'll talk to her boyfriend and then we'll leave." Plans began to formulate in his mind. Alice would see, but she knew already, she knew what must be done, didn't she? She loved Bella too...his mind was clouded with thoughts whirling from all directions, different strategies, different times, all with one goal: kill Rob and then Bella would be safe.

"Edward, shut up and listen to me very carefully and for gods sake don't decide anything definitively until I get back to the house to stop Alice." Jasper told him. His tone snapped Edward out of his trance, and he blinked a few times and focused on Jasper. "Bella still loves you, she's in denial, but all those old feelings under there, bolstering the still considerable hatred, or thought I will still call it hurt, that she also feels."

Edward was quiet, his mind still half involved in his plots to kill the demon.

"So what you're saying is…" Edward was still quite confused; he didn't want to trust himself to believe.

"I'm telling you that if you act quickly you probably still have a shot to bring Bella back from the brink of insanity and back to where she's safest: with us – with you." Jasper looked slightly uncomfortable. "You know I don't usually reveal what people are feeling. It's even more intimate than thoughts because you can't help feeling them, but I'm worried about her too. You can save her. I'll try and do damage control with Rosalie." He looked back at the house, and Edward tried to ignore the venomous thoughts coming from his sister. Emmett's thoughts drifted to him also, focused on Rosalie, worried about whether vampires could die from high blood pressure, as Rosalie seemed to be going slightly pink. He couldn't really focus on her now, there was a ray, a shaft of light – something he'd almost let go of: hope. Bella still loved him, she was hurt, of course she was, but he could make that up to her. He'd spend her life making it up to her in any way possible. Once she was back with him he'd kill Rob and then they would live happily, her for the rest of her life and him beside her. He could change her and they could live forever. The future started to glow a bit to him, his chest swelled with it and he relished it as he looked over at Jasper.

"Okay." Edward nodded. "Alright I'm going." He jumped up, and Jasper headed off to stop Alice intervening. Edward ran, making a beeline to Bella's apartment. Going back to get his car may dampen the exhilaration and joy pumping through him. He didn't know whether he would be able to drive but his feet hit a heavy beat on the tarmac as he sped toward his love, no single thought but of her darkening his mind.

BBBBBBBBBBB

Bella arrived home, crying and furious for it. What the hell was she doing? She'd fantasised about that moment for years, finally telling those creeps exactly what she thought: the only human to know about them telling them for the entire human race to fuck off and die. Why was she so upset? Why was everything less bright now? What was she doing now? The day after tomorrow she was going on tour. She was going to cement her place in the history books. Every date sold out, just like the mini tour they had already done. After the country was captivated with her, the world was going to fall at her feet; she will die, the normal human way, a hero. She should be happy. Why the fuck not? Why did she feel so empty, right at the time of her victory?

There was a frantic knocking at the door. She stopped in her musing and looked towards it. Who the hell was that? She walked towards the door and ripped it open. It was Edward. He looked as frantic as the door knocking revealed him to be. His breath was ragged as he stared at her, and she saw his shirt was slightly ripped as if it had been torn by something.

"What the hell do you-." Her question was cut short as he grabbed her and kissed with her a force he never had done before. Stunned she froze, and he pulled back, looking in her eyes, his frantic eyes searching but not showing the least repentance, so sure of his actions. She was furious, raging at his actions, but something like a bubble was rising through this in her stomach, it reached the surface of her seething rage and suddenly it popped and she leaned into him, kissing him back, and he grinned against her lips and picked her up, carrying her into the apartment and they fell onto her sofa. He stretched out on top of her and she revelled in how it hadn't changed: the sparks were there still, she felt seventeen again. Her breath was ragged, her heart was thumping crazily and her body was reacting to his touch as it did for no other. She knew with a certainty she loved him still, and she wasn't surprised by it, and that itself surprised her. Hot tears were still flooding down her cheeks, renewed by this revelation.

"No no no no Bella." Edward told her, wiping her tears but not breaking the kiss for more than a few seconds. "No more tears, ever again." She still didn't stop crying, and she could practically feel his desperation for them to stop. He picked her up again and ran with her upstairs, up to her bed, and lay her on it, positioning himself on top of her.

"Edward what are you doing?" She said, breaking the kiss. He was tugging on her top. "What about your boundaries?"

"Bella you are mine." He told her firmly. "I'm not wasting another second without you believing that, so I'm going to show you." He pulled her top off of her and pulled on the zip of her mini skirt. "Plus you are so hot in your little skirt." He kissed her thigh and Bella relaxed, allowing herself the pleasure of his touch, her rightful lover, and could hardly think for the overbearing sense that the world seemed to make sense again.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Bella slept soundly and Edward lay next to her, sorely wishing that he could sleep next to her, or at least read her mind and dream with her. She had been asleep for several hours, and never had he enjoyed it so much, never had he revelled in her body the way he did now, without reservations. His thoughts drifted back to the complete bliss of the night. It had been fantastic, magnificent and absolutely perfect. He was slightly worried about his…technique, god knows she was a lot more experienced then he was, but at the same time he was overjoyed at even having those mundane human feelings. He'd take being an awkward virgin making love to an experienced rock star any day over having to deal with her murderous vampire boyfriend whom he created who was probably going to kill them both.

He bit his lip and looked at her, wondering what they should do next. He'd let her sleep, but they should get going pretty soon, he wanted to be somewhere he could defend her when Rob showed up. His determination had never been so strong, even before when James was torturing him with images of Bella in pain, even when those images came to life, never had he had so much cold rage – Rob would die by his hand, of that he was sure.

His phone rang, and he was across the room answering it before it rang twice and woke up Bella. It was Alice. He grabbed his boxers and headed out to the balcony to talk to her.

"What?" He hissed at her.

"Hee hee." Alice was giggling with glee. "You and Bella sitting in a tree…"

"F-U-C-K-I-N-G!" Someone shouted in the background.

"Shut up Emmett!" Alice told him, and there was a loud bang, following by Emmett's booming laugh. "Anyway, I thought I'd ring and tell you that Rob isn't coming back until tomorrow morning, so you and Bella have the whole day, or at least you have the day to convince her to come back to you."

"She still needs convincing?" Edward asked dumbly. He'd felt her changing last night, she softened to him. Surely she was convinced now that they were meant to be.

"Well, at the moment I see her being reluctant, at best." Alice said, in a way that told Edward there was something she wasn't telling him.

"What is it?" Edward asked. "What's she going to do?"

"I don't know." Alice sighed. "I wish either of you would actually make a decision, just anything, all this living for the moment is very tiring for me."

"Well I'm so sorry for you, sister." Edward told her ironically, making a decision.

"You will not! That clothes collection took me decades to amass!"

"I decided that if you didn't leave this alone for a while then I would burn your clothes, so if that's what you're seeing you should look at your own decisions!" He told her triumphantly. He revelled in his high spirits, and Alice seemed to let the jibe slide on account of his good mood. She was pleased for him, and he was pleased for himself. He was being a little childish, but the sentiment was there: Jasper had told him that anyone else's involvement would be certain to screw this up, and he wasn't going to do that for anything.

"Oh fine, Edward, but you better not screw this up! Not when we are so close to getting her back!"

"How is the family after her outburst yesterday?" He asked cautiously. If he was going to do this, he needed to know which of them was going to behind them, he couldn't going to ask them to go up against Rob to protect her after what Bella had said to them, no matter what the reasons were. He might well die in the attempt and he needed to know she would be protected.

"Well, Jasper explained what she was feeling." Alice said carefully. "Esme's devastated, so is Carlisle. They want Bella back more than ever, neither of them knew about what she's been through either, I filled in that bit." She said this a little miserably, and Edward realised with a shock that she told them about Rob. Shame flooded him for a second before sucked it back in and listened to the rest of what Alice had to say. "Emmett's already forgiven her, you know he loves her as much as I do, he seems to have completely forgotten what happened yesterday, to be honest. He has other things on his mind." Alice sound exasperated.

"She made my boy a man!" Emmett shouted in the background again. "My brother fucked a rock star!" Edward heard something being thrown.

"Rosalie…well, you know what Rosalie's like."

"Yeah, she'll probably kill Bella herself anyway." Edward nodded.

"I'll try and talk to her, but she's being difficult." Alice told him. "Go, Bella will be awake soon."

"Yeah! Morning sex is going to blow your mind!"

"Goodbye." Edward snapped the phone shut without acknowledging that last remark and went back inside. Bella wasn't in bed. His forehead wrinkled, and he went downstairs to find her in his shirt sitting at her piano which was situated directly below her bed under the balcony. She didn't notice him, and he stood back and watched what she was going to do.

She sighed, and ran her fingers along the keys expertly, and then shook herself and began to sing as she played a slow sweet melody.

I changed my colour for you
I shed my coat with caution
I lack the beauty you display
See here there are the bruises
And some were self-inflicted
And some showed up along the way
So I nod my head
I'm ready for the world to see
The secret I kept here inside the girl you thought I'd be
Slip into coma calm
The coma where I calm myself down
Here comes excuses why I let you down

Stand by for another breakdown
Sound off the alarm
Is this the chameleon girl I swore I wouldn't become
Chameleon girl
Chameleon girl

So now we've come upon the hardest thing I've ever done
Its telling you that I'm a mess
What sort of mess I mean
Is self-destructive gasoline
The kind that strips you of your best
And while I play instead the way that most would end up dead
You sleep alone at home and wish that I were in our bed
With this I'm telling you
My colour changes back to blue
How do I ask you this
Will you help me through

Stand by for another breakdown
Sound off the alarm
Is this the chameleon girl I swore I wouldn't become
Stand by for another breakdown
Sound off the alarm
Is this the chameleon girl I swore I wouldn't become
Chameleon girl
Chameleon girl

I try to think of all the people I look up to
Or growing up who would I be
Now the twisted part
Where'd all my idols end up
They all passed away
Passed away

Stand by
Its chameleon girl
Stand by
Its chameleon girl
Chameleon Girl
I'm chameleon girl...
Chameleon girl...

(Chameleon Boy – Blue October slightly altered)

"Is that a new hit?" Edward asked, a smile playing on his lips. Bella jumped at his voice.

"No actually, I wrote it for Jacob, quite a few months after you left." She whispered. "Just after we slept together for the first time and I freaked out and ran off, needing more time, hating that I was two different people, one he wanted and one he should have hated but didn't, they were both the same to him, the girl that loved him and the one that was still shell of herself. I reacted badly, and Charlie wouldn't let him in the house for a while, I sort of…reverted to my zombie days." She put her arms around her waist, seeming to be worried that her organs were going to fall out or something, it was an odd pose, and Edward watched her with concern, but stayed silent, allowing her to finish her story. "He stood vigil outside my window every night, one night in the pouring rain, until Charlie went out there and told him to get his damn fool ass in the house."

"Your zombie days?" He asked.

"Nothing." She whispered. "Just old memories, they hardly even matter anymore." She shook herself and smiled up at him. He walked forward, putting his arms around her, marvelling at that simple act that he could now do, after so long, trying to show her that the past means nothing to him, only she meant anything, just her in his arms. She stiffened, and then stood up, pushing his arms off of her, walking away from him into the kitchen.

"What's up?" He asked, following her.

"Just leave it Edward." She said coldly, reaching into her fridge and pulling out some eggs.

"No, Bella, we need to talk about this now." He seated himself at the counter. "I'm not waiting another six years."

"We're not talking about this now." She told him, whisking the eggs and pouring them into a frying pan, making herself an omelette.

"When, then?" Edward asked her petulantly.

"Look, Edward." She sighed, putting the spatula down. She took a deep breath and was silent for a few seconds, and then her shoulders set in a way that terrified Edward, although he wasn't sure why. She turned to him. "Last night was nice, sure, and if I thought you would want some I would offer you some eggs, possibly a morning after quickie and show you the door."

"Just like one of the guys from the bars." He said bitterly. Bella shrugged and turned away from him. "I'm pretty sure we both know it was more than that."

"Really? Was it?" Bella asked him. "It was what it was, which was nice, but that's it, okay? You're not fuck buddy material. You get too attached."

"No, Bella, I was sort of hoping for a lot more than that." He told her, outraged.

"And I've made it clear many times that I don't want you back." Bella sighed, throwing the eggs onto a plate and stomping over to her table. "I'm sorry if you thought anything else…I was thinking of this as a closure thing, a goodbye we never got, I guess. Apart from you fucking off into those ugly boring woods." He watched her as she began to fork the eggs into her mouth, trying to sense whether she was joking or not. Seconds ticked by and with them ticked his sanity.

"Bella, I'm not going away!" Edward told her, infuriated and not just a little hurt. Devastated was more the word.

"That's fine." Bella shrugged. "I'm going away soon."

"You are?" He asked, slightly panicked. Was Rob going to change her? Is that why she needed the closure now?

"Yeah, my tour? Tomorrow I'm on the road for a few months, and then I'm coming back for like a week and then we're going round the world." She raised her eyebrows and shrugged. "You can stay wherever you want, although if you're still here when Rob gets back later he'll probably kill you straight out." Her tone was neutral, did she really not care? Was last night just a closure thing? Had she detached the action from the emotion so much that even he was just another fuck? He wouldn't – couldn't – think that. It was more to her too, it must have been.

"Bella, please." Edward was pleading with her. "We need to talk about last night."

"Fine." She said. "How was it for you? I enjoyed it. You did well, for a virgin, I'm assuming, considering the bloodlust you were probably struggling against."

"What?" Edward was completely off balance. "Bella we made love…"

"Edward, we had sex." Bella finished her eggs and placed the plate in the sink. "That was it. Nothing has changed."

"Bella, everything has changed!" Edward shouted.

"I'm sorry you feel that way, Edward." Bella said quietly. "But for me it hasn't. It's just the way I feel, and I'm sorry, you and I don't work."

"But you and Rob do?" Edward asked.

"Rob understands me." Bella shrugged. "Rob lets me do my own thing, doesn't crowd me day and night with his desperate need to be with me. He doesn't spend every night in my bed watching me sleep, which was always a little creepy, by the way. In fact, I don't think he ever stays here, really. He comes round, might watch some movies whilst I catch on some sleep, but he doesn't hold me whilst I sleep, not even when it's hot, he goes to his place, I've got air conditioning. He just understands me, alright, that's all you need to know."

"So you can work out with a killer but not with me?" Edward was glad he couldn't cry. He felt like a spurned teenage girl the day after Prom. Bella shrugged. "Bella I love you, always have."

"I know." Bella told him, her voice was suddenly a little hoarse. "It's the main reason I've hated you for so many years. I had myself believing that I was so disgusting that even people who loved me couldn't stand to be around me."

"Bella that was never my intention, to make you feel like that!" Edward told her. "Every day I thought about coming back to you."

"I don't want to hear it, Edward." Bella shook her head. "What did you expect? For me to wake up this morning full of love and forgiveness and forget everything and run away with you? Live with you and your family? I'm going to be older than Esme soon, older than all of you, you think I want that? To be the dumb clumsy human with the red face in a house full of unchanging perfect vampires, never sleeping, never changing, just drifting from place to place with me tagging behind, quietly going to the grave? You should have changed me when you had the choice, when I wanted it."

Edward was silent.

"Six years is a long time to me." She told him. "Maybe it isn't to you, I don't know, but to me it's practically been a lifetime, and I've come to a realisation. I don't want to be a vampire. You were right, I don't want it, I was a stupid girl caught up in what I thought was a fairy tale but it was really a horror story." She walked over to the window and stared out. "I've thought about it so much, and I can't imagine what I could want less. To be frozen, never to die, drifting pointlessly from place to place, knowing that nothing will ever change, that this was my life forever and ever, being among humans but never truly being with them." She shook her head again, as if trying to shake the thought. "You were right, all I needed was time to come to my senses. I want a life, Edward, I want to make my mark, I want to reach out to people and touch them with my music, and then I want to grow old, satisfied that I've been everything I want to be and die." She looked at him. "I might want children, some day, I want to get married and I want to grow old with someone, and to be able to look back and think I really was something." She shook her head. "Even if I did want you, Edward, I'm twenty four and you're technically a minor."

"Bella…I…"

"Look, Edward, I'm sorry you didn't pick up on what this was. I knew it was your first time, and the first cut goes the deepest and all that, but I just don't love you the way I did. I guess Jasper picked up on my emotions and misinterpreted them. What would he know? He was in the army and then he found Alice. Love was always simple for them, I can't think of someone who would understand less." She sighed. "Sure I love you, Edward, as much as I always did, but this isn't going to happen."

They were both silent for a bit. Bella walked towards her open staircase.

"Well, the offer of the morning after quickie still stands if you want it, but afterwards you really have to go." She took off his shirt and threw it at him, walking up the stairs naked.

"Oh god." Edward felt himself filling with desire, memories of the night before flooding him, but the pain was too sharp. "I think I'll just go."

Bella shrugged and watched him pull on his clothes without a word. He looked at her, taking her in for the last time, and then left, feeling violated and humiliated.