When the Storm Breaks
By Hazelmist
A/N: THIS IS AU AFTER SERIES 1. So that means that Vicky and Keira etc. are my OCs now and I'm not changing it. Sorry, guys you'll have to forgive me if my geographical descriptions are way off, I'm seriously suffering from cabin fever. Once again, I'm ignoring Series 2 and waving my creative license this time regarding Alec's history, and the extent of his involvement with the case and Joe's trial/sentencing, even after his forced resignation. Obviously, I don't work in UK law enforcement or have a law degree, so as long as it's not spoiling Series 2, feel free to correct me.
Chapter 11: The Ledge and the Storm on the Horizon
Alec Hardy had done a lot of dumb things in his life and tonight he was going to tack yet another item to that growing list if Ellie Miller didn't slow down. Having a heart attack atop one of those bleeding cliffs that looked exactly the same as every other cliff in Broadchurch was quite possibly the worst way he could imagine dying. It was right up there next to death by drowning, but Ellie didn't know that.
"Over here!" she said finally, motioning for him to follow her off the path (if you could even call it that). They'd reached another overlook and Alec took advantage of the few precious seconds to breathe. Discretely wiping the sweat from his brow, he nodded at whatever the hell she'd dragged him all the way out here to see.
"Nice. Very nice," he commented from where he still stood panting.
"You can't see it from there!" she protested, beckoning to him.
"Sure, I can," he lied. "It's lovely." It was anything but lovely. Ellie was at the top of what looked like a straight drop into the ocean. It was hard to tell with all the sea grass and weeds growing rampant and wild, and that hideous thorny hedge that was flourishing in the absence of whatever idiot had accidentally introduced it into this environment, because clearly it didn't belong here. Sort of like him.
"Come on, Alec," she wheedled, holding out her hands to him.
Cursing under his breath, Alec gave the hedge a wide berth and carefully picked his way through the tall grass and overgrown weeds. He'd never liked the way the sand shifted beneath his feet or the way all the land seemed to be gradually heading down in that direction as the ocean swallowed it centimeter by centimeter with each rising tide. But Ellie apparently loved it and she was under the mistaken impression that everyone else should as well.
"Baby steps," she teased him as he stubbornly halted a safe distance away from her and the ledge.
"This place is a death trap," he snapped at her, refusing to budge. "I don't know how anyone could possibly want to live here," he said condescendingly. Ellie's face fell and Alec realized belatedly that he'd insulted her. She was quick to remind him though, that his own parents had brought him there on holiday when he was a boy.
"My Dad was an idiot," he informed her.
"You must take after him then."
Alec glared at her. Ellie turned to hide her smirk and sat down on the ledge. After several minutes of debating whether to head back, he gave up and gingerly lowered himself to the ground beside her. Ellie looked at him smugly as he settled in beside her. Alec swallowed and almost managed to keep his eyes on the horizon.
"Why are your hands shaking?" Ellie worried, taking the closest one in hers. Her hand was soft and warm and Alec gripped it like a lifeline. "Are you afraid of heights?"
Alec shook his head and anxiously gazed downward at the distant waves crashing on the shore over a hundred feet below them. He feared the power of the ocean and death by drowning; but it was the dangerous woman beside him that scared him more than anything else.
"Sorry," Ellie apologized, mortified. "I forgot that you don't like being on the water. We can go back."
"Not yet," Alec insisted stubbornly. Ellie sat back and he tried to relax.
Taking a deep breath, he made a valiant effort to appreciate what Ellie wanted to show him here and failed miserably. The air still tasted like salt, the sky was still full of a frightening amount of stars, and the ocean still thrashed against the beach and roared below the crumbling eroding piece of land that they sat on. He felt smaller, powerless, and helpless here. He had hoped that Broadchurch would bring him peace, but that hadn't happened. If anything, Broadchurch had only brought him closer to that dangerous ledge that he'd been trying so hard to keep away from.
Ellie nudged him and he looked at her for the first time. The wind coming in off the ocean had brought some color into her face and turned her hair into a wild mass of curls. Her eyes were bright and her legs were swinging freely in the air below them. Despite everything that had happened, she was still fearlessly at home here on the sandy ledge with a frightening drop into the raging ocean below them. She still loved it here.
"Are you really going to stay here?" he asked her.
Ellie shrugged and looked out at the stars beyond them.
"Broadchurch is a part of me. I don't think I'll ever be able to leave it behind, not really," she told him, deep in her memories. "Hopefully I'll move somewhere else and give the boys the fresh start that they deserve, but no matter where I go Broadchurch will always be here," she said, laying her hand over her heart.
"And in here," Alec said and lightly tapped her forehead. He had slept beside Ellie and witnessed firsthand what she had tried to take sleeping pills to suppress. The fact that she loved Broadchurch only made it more haunting for her. He couldn't understand why she would linger, hanging onto the edge of that small despicable town and clinging to the last remnants of a life lost like the stench of smoke from the bonfires he swore he still smelt sometimes in the air and on his coat, but he could barely make sense of why he kept coming back to her.
"What about you?" she asked him after several minutes of silence.
"What about me?" He didn't understand the question. Ellie looked down at their joined hands. Alec hadn't even realized he was still holding onto her.
"Would you stay here?" she echoed his earlier query and Alec froze.
"Are you asking me to stay?"
"What if I did?" Ellie challenged him. He felt like a moron. No wonder why she'd gotten so upset with him in the car earlier. Alec couldn't answer her, so Ellie explained, "My landlord said he'd extend my lease for another six months if I accept a higher rate. I can barely afford what I'm paying now and since you're homeless –"
"Homeless," Alec interrupted her. "Is that what you think of me?"
"When's the last time you stayed in one place for more than a month?" she interrogated him. "And the Traders doesn't count."
Alec shut his mouth because he honestly couldn't remember.
"That's what I thought," Ellie said, satisfied.
"I moved around a lot for work," Alec admitted. Ellie was skeptical. Alec fidgeted beneath her suspicious frown and blew out a breath. "I didn't technically work in the Broadchurch police department anymore, but they extended my contract on paper for Wessex County for another six months after Joe confessed."
"Why would they do that?" Ellie wondered.
"They thought Joe was going to appeal."
Ellie ripped her hand from his.
"What?"
"Most of our evidence was circumstantial," he reminded her. "Joe's admission of guilt and his detailed confession were the only pieces of evidence that would've held up in court. If he were to recant…" Alec ran his hand through his hair and chanced a look at Ellie. "Don't look at me like that," he said.
"Why the fuck would they keep you on?"
"I suggested it," Alec informed her. Ellie's jaw dropped and she shrunk back from him. "Ellie," Alec pleaded, but Ellie was already getting to her feet. Alec sighed and dug the heels of his hands into his eyes. "Ellie, they were going to put you on the stand."
He held his breath and let it out slowly. Taking another deep breath, he lowered his hands and gazed down into the abyss below.
"As long as I stayed on as the Senior Investigating Officer for the case, I could prevent that from happening or at least prepare you for it." It sounded so pathetic now that he'd said it out loud, but at the time Alec had been desperate to help Ellie in the only way he knew how.
"You lied to me," Ellie accused him from somewhere behind him.
"You never asked," Alec snapped back, still stung by her "homeless" remark. He checked his temper because he owed her an explanation. "Joe never appealed so there was no point in telling you. It would've upset you, and after all the hell you'd been through –"
"Is that why you keep coming back here to check up on me?" Ellie demanded. "Is it because they're paying you to do it?"
"No!" He clambered to his feet, almost forgetting that they were presently on a death defying ledge. Catching himself, he edged away from the drop and stalked through the tall grass after her. "The only time I got sent here was because of the divorce papers that you screwed up, and let me remind you again that Broadchurch is the last place on earth I'd ever revisit if it hadn't been for you."
Ellie spun around and Alec stopped short.
"Besides, my contract expired weeks ago," he told her.
"Then what are you still doing here?" she wondered. "Why come back at all if you hate this place that much?"
Wasn't it obvious? Alec gaped at the woman in front of him. How could she not know? Up until two weeks ago, Alec knew exactly why he had to return to Broadchurch, but one conversation in the kitchen had suddenly complicated everything. Catching his jaw, he scrubbed a hand over his unshaven chin before he answered her.
"I ask myself that question every time I come back to this damn place but you're here," he practically spat, gesturing around them at the eerie landscape. "You're always going to be here, and as long as you're here –"
"Shut up!" Ellie cut him off. Her face was white and she was shaking her head at him. "This has nothing to do with me. You've got some fucked up sense of remorse and a strange way of dealing with it. It's got absolutely nothing to do with me." She thrust her hands out in front of her as if she could ward off the truth as easily as she could physically distance herself from him.
"Ellie, please," he begged, extending a hand but Ellie slapped the hand away.
"I'm not your penance!" she snarled. "And I'm not a child! You don't have to protect me from everything just because you feel some kind of twisted moral obligation. I can take care of myself!"
"I know." Alec seized her arm before she could walk away from him. Ellie was breathing hard but she didn't pull away from him. "I know that you can take care of yourself and the boys. It was foolish of me to think that you couldn't handle it on your own. I was only trying to help, and yes at first it was mainly guilt driven but now -" He halted in his speech, at a complete loss to describe whatever it was that was driving him back to this hellish place over and over again. It had started out as a legitimate concern for her family's wellbeing, but now it had morphed into something that went far beyond an innocent sense of obligation. Alec wasn't sure he could have labeled it, even if Ellie hadn't stopped him, but whatever it was, it was gaining strength and had the potential to develop into a storm almost as destructive as the one that ripped her life apart.
Swallowing the truth, Alec let go of Ellie's arm and backed down. It was as if he had doused Ellie with cold water, the heat of her gaze simmered and went out.
"Alec, you don't need to keep coming back here," she sighed. Her anger was gone and now she just looked tired.
"Is that what you want?" he inquired. Ellie frowned, not comprehending. Alec jammed his hands into his coat pockets and pretended to take in the view. "If that's what you want, I'll stop coming round."
"No," Ellie said quickly. "But if it's what you want –"
"No," he answered.
Their eyes met. Ellie visibly relaxed and Alec felt a little bit of the tension leave his shoulders. At least they'd agreed on something that didn't need to change. The wind switched and Alec felt it in his hair. In the distance a tattered flag unfurled and swelled, straining toward the ocean. The grass swayed and danced around them, and Ellie's hair was a mess in the absence of all but one of the hairpins she started the day with. Nothing ever stayed still, nothing ever stayed the same. Alec found the metallic glint in her hair and touched the hairpin. Without asking, he removed it from her tangled hair. The curls tumbled down around her face and then were instantly blown back by the wind.
"I saw Joe," Alec confessed in light of the larger confession he'd never be able to make and offered the pin back to her. "After the trial, they made me go see him once a month."
"I didn't ask," Ellie pointed out.
"No, but you were going to eventually," Alec predicted correctly, judging by the way she deliberately looked away. He bent the hairpin out of shape while he waited for the question he knew she was dying to ask him. When he tried to bend the thing back, he was too rough and it snapped in half.
"How was he?" she asked finally. Stretching out a trembling hand, she reached past him and broke off the top of a particularly tall weed with some kind of disgusting flowering thing on top. She twirled it between her fingers.
"He was-" Alec sighed and tossed the broken hairpin into the sand. "He was Joe."
Ellie crushed the flower in her fist.
"He's a monster for what he did to Danny but he still loves you and the boys. As long as he continues to love you, he won't put you through another trial. I made it very clear to him," Alec told her, deliberately leaving out the fact that he'd actually threatened Joe with bodily harm. He'd called in a lot of favors to stay on for those extra six months, but by the end of it he was certain that Joe Miller wasn't leaving that prison cell for at least a decade.
Ellie slowly uncurled her hand and the squashed petals and twisted remains of the weed took to the wind. Alec watched them go and Ellie rubbed her palms together. She held them out in front of her, examining the green stains that had been left behind.
"What are you going to do now that it's all over?" she asked him, still studying her smeared hands.
"I don't know," Alec replied, shrugging. "What are you going to do?"
Ellie shook her head and started scrubbing at the stains with her fingernails.
"You could stay here, you know," she casually offered again.
"I don't want to," he said, truthfully. "And I don't think you want to stay here either."
"You try telling my sister that," Ellie grumbled and scratched at her palm so vigorously that she almost broke the skin. "She's all I've got now, her and Olly, and they've been so good to the boys…" Alec couldn't take it anymore.
"Stop that," he scolded her. Taking her by the arms, he waited until she gave in and let her hands fall. His hands slid down to loosely encircle her wrists. He lifted one hand and inspected her palm for blood, because he didn't trust any of the flora or fauna out here. Running his thumb lightly over the green stains and red irritated flesh, he traced her palm lines.
"You know that you have me too," he reminded her without looking up. "If you or the boys ever need anything at all…"
"I know, Alec," Ellie said. Alec followed the palm line up to her wrist and released her. "It's always the people that you least expect that wind up being there for you at the end," Ellie remarked, smiling slightly at him.
"People are funny like that," Alec agreed and returned her half smile. "They're always full of surprises."
And no one had surprised him more than Ellie Miller.
"It's late," Ellie noted, looking around them. "The last thing I need is someone thinking that I'm sleeping with you too."
"Right, because we've never slept together," Alec snorted.
Ellie rolled her eyes and bumped his shoulder hard as she led up to the path that took would take them to the cottage.
"You know what I meant," she said to him as they slowly climbed higher. Alec was concentrating on his breathing as the incline was steep, so he almost missed it when she clarified: "I'm not having sex with you."
"Wow, Richardson," Alec chuckled. "I really do feel like we're married."
Ellie punched him in the arm and Alec considered himself lucky that she hadn't pushed him off the cliff.
"You're sleeping on the sofa tonight," she informed him, wagging her finger at him.
"Oh, come on, Richardson!" he moaned and nearly walked into the monstrous thorn bush. He actually jumped but the humiliation was well worth it.
Ellie laughed at him the entire way back.
Ironically, Alec did wind up sleeping on the sofa. They came inside and sat down on the sofa despite Alec's alleged complaints against the poor undeserving piece of furniture. Ellie went into the kitchen to make tea and called Tom to say goodnight. By the time she ended the call and finished the tea, it was abundantly clear that Alec had been lying about the sofa being uncomfortable. He was sound asleep. Ellie knew he'd probably have a stiff neck in the morning but she didn't want to wake him and he kind of deserved it.
Ellie set out a glass of water for him and smoothed his hair back from his forehead. She didn't know when it happened but at some point in the last eight months Alec Hardy had carved out a place for himself in her life. He hadn't replaced Joe, nothing could ever replace Joe, but Alec had crept in like the light came into a room just before the dawn. He woke her up in a way that no one else had been able to and he returned over and over again, burning just a little bit brighter with each passing morning as she got to know him and came to rely on him.
Tracing his jaw, Ellie slid her fingers down to the column of his throat until they hovered over his pulse point. It was the growing attraction to him that bothered Ellie the most. She hadn't even thought of Alec as a man until the day of the sentencing two months after Joe confessed. The damage had already been done, but Ellie remembered how he'd put his arm around her and tried to protect her from the barrage of reporters. In that moment, the world had shrunk down to the rough material of his coat and that irregular heartbeat against her cheek as she finally shut down and blocked everything out. It had been pouring, and yet Alec had stubbornly walked with her through the driving rain back to her car, keeping her close to him, although it was unlikely the press would pursue them into the rainstorm. Ellie started the ugly row that followed once they reached the parking garage, but she'd never seen Alec so angry and she hoped she never would again. Toe to toe, soaking wet, and enraged, their voices had echoed off the concrete walls until a security guard approached them to see if Ellie was alright and Alec had backed off. Running a hand through his dripping hair, he'd looked at Ellie and ordered the security guard to make sure she got into her car safely, and then he had left.
Ellie hadn't been alright then and she wasn't completely alright now, but even though at times Alec made her so mad that she wanted to strangle him, Ellie didn't think she could ever let Alec go again like she had in the parking garage. Her boys had become attached to him and he was now a part of their life in a way that he hadn't been before. And that's why the attraction scared Ellie.
She trusted Alec more than anyone else but he was just as broken as she was. Over time Ellie imagined that they could've healed together, but as Ellie took his pulse she knew that time was something they couldn't take for granted. Bending over him, she kissed his forehead. Alec stirred and Ellie almost tripped over the coffee table behind her. Groaning, he stretched out with a grimace and Ellie scrambled back until the table was between them.
"What time is it?" he asked her hoarsely. Rolling back his sleeve, he squinted at his wrist watch. "Your birthday's almost over."
Ellie shrugged. She would've preferred to skip it altogether. It was just another milestone, just another day that reminded her of everything she had lost. Last year Joe had actually remembered and he and the boys had sweetly brought her breakfast in bed. She tried not to think of what he had been overcompensating for. Wrapped up in her memories, Ellie didn't notice Alec get up from the sofa until he was standing over her.
"I made tea," she recalled and hurried out of the room. Alec followed her into the kitchen and started opening up cupboards and pulling out drawers at random. Ellie hoped he was cleaning again and focused on shutting off the kettle and pouring out the tea.
"Do you have a lighter?" he asked her.
"It's over by the sink on top of the cupboard," she answered without turning around or recalling Alec's spotty track record with fire. She heard the click of the lighter and then the lights went out. Ellie froze.
"Alec?" Ellie whispered and slowly turned to set the tea down on the table.
"Right here," he answered. The lighter sparked and his face appeared across the room from her lit by the flare. There was a candle cupped in his left hand. He replaced the lighter on top of the cabinet and carefully brought the glass encased candle over to her.
"What are you doing? You'll burn yourself again," she scolded him but there was a lump in her throat.
"That was one time," Alec scoffed but he put the candle on the table in front of her. "Hold on, I've got it here somewhere." Patting himself down, he finally pulled out something small and shiny from inside his coat and set it down next to the candle. Ellie picked it up. It was one of those free after dinner chocolates wrapped in silver foil printed with the name of the pub they'd visited earlier. She looked at him and he nervously tugged at his earlobe.
"I know it's not much but it's still your birthday," he explained himself as she continued to stand there and stare. He let go of his ear and impatiently motioned to the candle. "Go on, make a wish."
Ellie gazed into the flame. There were a lot of things she wanted to wish for but she knew that none of those wishes would ever come true. But maybe if she wished for something so very small and simple like the piece of candy in her hand… Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and blew out the candle.
The kitchen plunged into darkness but neither of them moved to get the lights. Ellie instinctively reached out for Alec and found his sleeve. The image of the flame was still there before her eyes, blinding her, but Alec burned brighter than ever in that darkened room. For the first time she could see him as clear as day.
"Happy Birthday," he whispered. "I'm sorry it wasn't –"
Ellie hugged him. Alec was slow to return the embrace. He'd held her before but somehow this time it was different. Perhaps, it was because for once Ellie wasn't crying. Not yet anyway.
"Thank you," she said and swallowed down the lump in her throat. Her eyes stung and she squeezed them shut. Pressing her face into the front of his coat, she breathed him in.
"What'd you wish for?" Alec asked softly.
"A bigger piece of chocolate," Ellie lied.
Alec chuckled and brushed his lips over her hair.
"Next year," he promised and his lips moved to her hairline and then to her temple.
The kisses were like breaths of warm air and Ellie didn't know if he was conscious of what he was doing, but she was very aware of it. Her fingers curled into the back of his coat to draw him closer and her other hand crept up past his collar to curve at the base of his neck. Alec tightened his arms around her and dipped his head lower. His lips found her cheek and paused there.
The kitchen was pitch-black, save for the glowing clock above the stove. Ellie had exactly three minutes left of her birthday, the one day you were allowed to selfishly indulge in all the sweetness of life. Her ex-husband had destroyed her life, and her sister had taken her kids mistakenly thinking that she was doing Ellie a favor, and Alec had lied to her and fought with her and infuriated her, but he'd taken her to lunch, and made her laugh, and he'd stolen a piece of chocolate for her, and he was the only one that foolishly thought she should celebrate her birthday.
Turning her face toward his, they found each other in the darkness. His mouth covered hers and she closed her eyes. Time stopped. She swore it did. For one moment she was conscious of nothing but the man holding her. Alec realized his mistake almost immediately and broke away just as the clock changed, but Ellie felt like it was longer. It was easier to stare at the clock, rather than Alec. He had turned from her and braced himself against the kitchen table.
"Ellie."
"Drink the tea before it gets cold," she said, and scooping up her tea cup she left him there in the dark.
As soon as she reached her room, Ellie hastily wiped her eyes and made one last stupid wish. But Alec didn't follow her upstairs and she didn't think he ever would again.
A/N: So yeah, I've started Season 2 and I LOVE IT. The first episode was worth the year and a half wait. I did go on a crazy writing binge in the weeks before I started it so this is going to stay AU. When I edit the future chapters I'll try not to let S2 influence me but I may slip up. You have no idea how hard it was to write a character that hated the beach, but I can understand the fear of the ocean having witnessed firsthand the alarming signs of erosion and a wave break a seawall in half. I may have over exaggerated Alec's fear a tiny bit. Thanks to everyone that reviewed, favorited, or followed! I'm always excited to hear any kind of feedback or constructive criticism!