Chapter 11

There was a lively murmur of voices at the reception, even more noticeable than usual and way more cheerful. Those waiting on the seats looked curiously at the group of uniformed men and woman that had gathered around the young lady in a wheelchair and her baby. Jane was leaving that day and after being a resident in the hospital for so long and hers having been a special case, her release had become an event in itself in the small world contained between the four walls of the clinic. Her doctors and some other staff had come down to bid the new mommy good-bye.

"Please drop in when you take Francis for his check-ups, will you?" Emily said.

"Of course I will. You've been like a second family to me ... really."

"I'll make sure that she comes by," Buck added, sharing a smile with Jane. Lou watched them with a contented expression. She wasn't sure what was going on between the girl and the pharmacist. All she knew was that they had become close friends and after Buck had offered her to stay in his apartment for a while, Jane had accepted. Even though Lou and Buck had had a strong disagreement when she had first suspected that he had taken to Jane, Louise had to admit that having Buck's friendship would do Jane a awful lot of good... maybe that friendship would eventually lead to something deeper or had already done, reflected Lou, at least for her colleague.

Telling Jane about Frank and his response hadn't been a piece of cake. Even though the girl had already suspected that he had simply turned away from her like a cowardly dog, hearing the actual truth had been hurtful and heart breaking. What Jane needed now was to compose the pieces of her broken existence and get on with her life. Lou hoped that Buck could help her through it, and she also hoped that the girl didn't run to him just because he was handy and convenient.

"Well, it's time to say good-bye," Jane announced as the baby started wailing, demanding attention from his mommy. Buck took Francis from her, helped her to her feet and one by one the girl then began hugging everybody that had gathered there. "Thanks, docs," she said as she turned to Kid and Lou. "I'm really gonna miss you."

"You're kidding, aren't you?" Louise replied. "The little one isn't gonna leave you any time to miss anybody or anything... probably just sleep."

"Lou's right," Kid simply said and gave the girl soft kiss on her cheek.

After a few more good-byes and thank-yous, Jane finally left the clinic in the company of Buck, who had especially asked to have the day off. The group of practitioners stood there for a while and little by little everybody started to disperse and go back to their respective duties.

"I think I'll go for a coffee in the cafeteria. Do you guys care to join me?" Jimmy asked his friends.

Kid and Lou exchanged a look when they noticed Sarah at the far end, motioning Hickok to go to her with a wave of her hand. "Uh... thanks, Jimmy, but we gotta go back. There's work we need to see to."

"All right then," the brown-haired doctor said and then ambled towards where his girl was waiting for him. He passed an arm around her shoulders, gave her a peck on the lips and they both disappeared down the corridor.

Kid and Lou watched them for a while and then walked in the opposite direction. Neither of them said a word on their way back to his office, but as soon as Kid closed the door behind them Lou blurted out, "You haven't told Jimmy yet, and it's been almost a week."

"I know, I know, but it's not easy," Kid defended himself with a wry expression as he slumped down at his desk.

"We made a deal. I would tell Jane about Frank and you'd tell Jimmy about Mrs. Downs," Lou insisted. "I did my part, and it wasn't a breeze either."

"I'm just trying to find the right moment."

"Kid, there aren't right moments to tell somebody something you know will hurt them," Lou stubbornly continued. "If you wait too long, he might find out through other means. How do you think he'll feel when he learns that his best friend knew all along and didn't breathe a word to him?"

"I know you're right," Kid conceded. "But it's difficult to know what to do in these cases. It's slippery terrain and sometimes the one meddling ends up scalded."

"That's a risk you have to take. I think he needs to know. Wouldn't you like to be told if you were in the same situation?"

Kid nodded somberly. Lou was definitely right. If somebody had told him five years ago that his fiancée was cheating on him, he might not have got the shock of his life when she left him for his old friend. Maybe in his stupidity he might not have believed those tales, but at the very least the doubt would have been sown in him and he'd have been on the lookout. Yet, that was all in the past and there was nothing he could do about it. As all these thoughts and considerations ran through his mind, Kid had to admit that much to his surprise he realized that he didn't think of her and that episode in his life so much lately. As the proverb said, time heals all wounds and maybe that was what was happening to him. His wounds were healing and Doritha was becoming a vague memory.

Kid looked up to see Lou staring at him with a wondering expression. He blushed at being caught daydreaming and smiled at her sheepishly as if he were a schoolboy. Sometimes she kind of made him nervous, and he felt like a clumsy idiot under her stare. She was a beautiful and overwhelming woman, and when she looked at him with those big eyes of hers like right now, he couldn't help the stir that he felt in his insides. It was silly, really silly. He didn't want anything from her, but still ...

"I'll talk to him today, all right?" Kid finally managed to utter after a lengthy silence.

Lou smiled and nodded in appreciation. "I hope you do. Otherwise, I'll tell him myself."

"Yes, Ma'am," Kid replied while chuckling, amused. She could sometimes be so bossy in a very charming way and he liked joking about it, saying that they should reverse roles because his fitted her personality so much better.

"And now, Dr. Kydd, let's get down to some work," she announced with a mocking stiff posture as she lifted her chin proudly while sticking her tongue out at him.

It was later that morning that Kid went to find Jimmy. As he approached his friend's office, he tried to rehearse in his head what he should tell him, but he really couldn't come up with anything appropriate. Kid was a hundred percent sure that no matter how he said what he had to say, the result would be the same ... disastrous. The blow would hit Jimmy painfully anyways and there was no way he could soften things for his friend. For one moment Kid thought that he should have let Lou tackle the matter. Somehow she seemed more determined and self-confident in these issues than he was. But no... Lou was right. Jimmy was his friend and deserved to hear from his lips that the woman he was in love with had a husband up her sleeve.

As soon as the door to Jimmy's office appeared in his line of vision, his steps slowed down but he eventually came to stand before it much to his chagrin. The door was slightly ajar and Kid simply pushed it open with his index finger. Jimmy looked up from the screen of his laptop and greeted his friend. "What are you doing out of your pen, man?"

"Just wanted to stretch my legs," Kid replied as he sat down on the chair before the desk.

"And where did you leave your shadow? Did she let you go or you've simply lost her?"

"Very funny, Jimmy." Hickok chuckled while he turned his attention back to the screen of his computer. Kid watched him curiously for a few seconds and then he asked, "What are you doing, Jimmy?"

"Just searching for hotels. I'm taking Sarah away for the weekend... to the coast. I want to give her a little surprise and I know of a few sites that have good offers."

Kid stiffened at his words and knew it was his clue to speak up. "Jimmy, there's something I need to tell you."

"Oh ... oh," the other doctor said, shutting his laptop with a smooth movement of his hand to focus all his attention on his friend. "When you get this mysterious, it usually means bad news. All right, shoot... I'm all ears."

"It's about Sarah."

"What about her?" Jimmy countered, adopting a stilted posture.

"What do you know about her... about her family?" Kid asked tactfully, knowing that he was stepping onto shifting land.

"What's all this about, Kid?" Jimmy exclaimed irritated. Familiar with the stubborn nature of his friend, he was sure Kid wouldn't give up until he got an answer from him for whatever the reasons he might have. "Her parents died years ago and there are no brothers or sisters. As for the rest of her family tree, I'll have to do a little research and draw a draft first if you don't mind," Jimmy replied sarcastically.

"So she lives alone then?" Kid asked again, ignoring his friend's obvious sarcasm.

"Never been to her apartment, but I imagine so. She has never mentioned any roommates."

"Don't you think it's a bit strange that after dating her for a while now you've never been to her place?"

"What the heck are you getting at?" Jimmy asked, his cold stare darting to his colleague and friend.

Kid paused in hesitation but the expression on his friend's features urged him to speak up, "I'm sorry to tell you this, but I think you should know something."

"Stop beating around the bush and out with it."

"All right... all right. Jimmy, Sarah... Sarah is a married woman." At his friend's surprised and aghast expression Kid could rightly guess that this was the first clue he had about the girl's situation. "Lou and I happened to stumble across her husband a few days ago."

Jimmy kept a cold and stiff demeanor while he tried to digest the information and without looking Kid in the eyes, he said, "If you have nothing else to say, you're free to leave."

"But Jimmy..."

"What, Kid?" Hickok asked in an unkind tone, resting his folded arms on his desk and glaring at the man opposite him. "What if I'm with a married woman? Well, I'm not the only one. I'm sure if Lou gave you a single hint, you'd also forget her vows to her husband."

"That's not true!" Kid exclaimed irritated. "I don't know why everybody keeps saying the same."

"Because we have eyes, Kid. That's not the look of a brother watching his sister when you stare at Lou. But the difference is that I just got the guts to do something about it. And now leave me alone."

Without another word Kid rose to his feet and walked out of the room. He wasn't surprised by the way Jimmy had reacted and he knew that his words weren't just his way to hide his pain. In his case Kid was sure that he would also have responded in a similar way. It was logical that the errand boy would get a cuff. He wished he hadn't had to tell him, but Jimmy had a right to know and as a friend Kid was ready to be the recipient of his anger. Even though he had appeared somehow indifferent and cold, it was clear to Kid that all that was a facade. He knew that Jimmy was more vulnerable than he wanted to let on and he'd need his friends by his side; and Kid swore himself that he would be there when his colleague would need him.

"You ready to go, Jimmy?"

The doctor looked up from his papers and turned a pair of cold eyes to Sarah, who was craning her head through the door. "No, I'm not and I won't be."

Sarah frowned in confusion and stepped inside, standing before the desk where he was sitting. "Something wrong?"

"You tell me..." he paused intentionally and then he added, "Mrs. Downs."

Sarah sighed audibly while running her slender fingers through her unruly brown hair. "Who told you?"

"Not you, which would have been the most logical thing," Jimmy replied, without turning a hair.

"I tried... I really tried to tell you."

"Not hard enough," the doctor countered.

"It was because I didn't want to believe it."

"What did you believe was gonna happen, Sarah? The truth was just gonna disappear?"

"Maybe I did."

"Well, too bad for you. I'm not that much of a believer," Jimmy replied as he rose to his feet and rounded his desk. "And now if you'll excuse me..."

Sarah grabbed him by the arm, stopping him forcefully and looking into his eyes directly. "Not till you hear why I did what I did."

"There's nothing you can say that can change my mind," Jimmy spat with a calm demeanor.

"Randall is a rich man. My dad used to live in one of the several buildings he owned. He threatened with kicking him out. I knew he had always taken a fancy to me. Dirty old pervert!" Sarah explained bitterly. "Dad was sick... and had nothing to his name. Where was he supposed to go? I easily managed to seduce Randall. I was young and stupid and I liked being spoiled, being treated like a queen. So I said yes when he asked me to marry him and ensured my father was well taken care of till his death."

"How moving! It breaks my heart," Jimmy retorted sarcastically.

"I didn't know what would be waiting for me later," Sarah added, ignoring his sarcasm. "Being joined to someone you loathe is the worst nightmare I could possibly have lived." The tears shone in her eyes as she continued her account. "You can't imagine what it is like to be touched by someone you despise, breathe his fetid air, smell his stink, drink his dribble, share his dirt," she let out, wiping her mouth disgustedly with her hand as if she could actually feel and taste him.

"You made your bed, Sarah... you have to lie in it. You took your pick."

"Jimmy, I was young and stupid. I didn't want anybody in this world till I met you," she continued as she grabbed him by the collar of his white shirt, the tone of her voice raspy and uneven. "I know I should have told you. Please don't leave me. We love each other."

"Sarah..."

"And it will soon be over," she continued, her face washed with evident relief and almost glee, and when he frowned in confusion, she added, "He's dying...he has pancreatic cancer and in a few months my torment will be over. A new life will start for us." She looked into his eyes intensely while she clenched his shirt front with both her hands... desperately, longingly. "Please Jimmy."

The doctor stared back at her, feeling confused and lost as if he was at a crossroads. He knew he loved her beyond measure... in a senseless, crazy way and he'd do anything for her. Sarah had gotten under his very skin and lately all kinds of silly, romantic ideas crammed his mind. He hadn't felt this way since he was a teenager. Sarah was different... she seemed to have cast a spell on him which turned him into a puppet, a servant, a fool.

When Kid had told him about her situation, he had felt as if the whole world was crumbling down at his feet. Whether he liked it or not, he cared for Sarah and what he wanted most was a future and a common life with her. His love and longing for her were such that he'd cling to any little hope she gave him. Everything else didn't matter. All he wanted was to get rid of the man whose life was linked to hers by law... he wanted him out of this world, buried and forgotten. Never before had he wished anybody's death. He was a doctor, a good professional who sought out people's welfare and not their harm. This time, though, was different. He loved that woman and would do anything ... anything at all to shed whatever was in his way to happiness and the love of his life.

"Jimmy?" called Sarah, snapping him out of his torpor. "Please talk to me."

Hickok turned his eyes to hers and his hand softly removed a stray tendril that had fallen over her forehead. Jimmy smiled and she smiled back with evident relief. His arms moved almost automatically and came around her body eagerly while his lips crashed against hers, tasting and savoring her skin, her whole self. This was his Sarah... his alone and the rest of the world might well go to hell.

Kid looked up from the paper he was signing at the security post at the entrance to see Lou come towards him. She was gaily ambling while carrying a gift bag from which he got a glimpse of a teddy bear, its fuzzy ears showing from its opening. He smiled at her when she reached him and said, "Why, thanks for the present, Lou, but I'm afraid it's not my birthday today and I think I'm a bit old for these toys."

Lou swatted his hand off as she tried to reach for the bag. "Ha, ha, very funny," she said, feigning annoyance. "Yes, I know you're not a kid."

"Don't tell me you actually have a social life," Kid continued in the same tone. "Since you never want to do anything with us after work, I thought you were some kind of a hermit."

Lou opted for ignoring the mild put-down behind his words and said, "If you want to know, I'm going to my sister's place. If you call that a social life, then I have one."

"Your sister?"

"Naturally the toy isn't for her, but for her little daughter," Louise explained. "Annie's just fifteen months old and, according to her mom, an adorable angel. I have to say that I've only seen her once... a couple of months after she was born and then through photographs. I still haven't gone to see her since I returned and my sister's gonna kill me literally."

Kid chuckled at the comment and asked, "Is she your only sister?"

"Uh... yes... I also have a younger brother... he's a Marine and lives too far away, unfortunately."

"My, my... and here I thought you were a spoiled only child," Kid quipped. Lou stuck her tongue at him mockingly and seeing that she was eager to open up, he felt curious and continued, "Are your parents...?" The question, though, was cut short when he saw Jimmy appear from down the corridor. What threw him was to see his friend walking next to Sarah, his arm wrapped around her shoulders possessively as if nothing were wrong with it.

Lou followed the direction of Kid's stare and when her eyes fell on the couple, her forehead creased into a frown and she said, "I thought you had told him."

"I did," Kid muttered without averting his gaze from the pair and before his friend scurried away, he decided to face the music. "Excuse me, Lou." He marched towards Jimmy decisively like a bull towards a red rag, and called him.

"What do you want, Kid?"

"Can we talk?" he asked and both men turned from the woman, who remained awkwardly before the exit door. Jimmy stared at his friend with a defiant expression, which Kid turned a blind eye to. "What the heck are you doing... with her?"

"I told you... the way I deal with my matters is my business," the dark-haired doctor replied cockily. "You do your way... always the nice guy and let all women play with you like a yo-yo. You know what, Kid? I can see now why the ladies end up leaving you."

At his malicious comment Kid's hands balled up into fists and his jaw clenched in tension, but he was unable to move or say anything. Jimmy sniggered unkindly and joining Sarah once again, they both walked out of the building without sparing a single look. Kid kept furiously gazing at the point through which the couple had disappeared and he didn't look away until he felt a small hand softly stroking his back. On shifting his attention to one side, his eyes met Lou's. "I'm sure he didn't mean it, and you did the right thing."

Kid shook his head and looking down at his toes, he muttered, "I wonder whether doing the right thing is really worth it."

"Of course it is!" Louise exclaimed. "Why would you think otherwise?"

"I don't know, Lou," Kid replied, his eyes focused on the floor. "Maybe Jimmy's right and I'm just wasting my time, worrying about playing fair when the world slips from my grasp."

"Listen to me!" she insisted stubbornly and taking hold of his face with her hand, she forced him to meet her eyes. "He's not and he will eventually see how deep the trouble is that he's getting into!" Kid timidly smiled sadly while sending her a dubious and forlorn look. Louise let go of his face and seeing his sad eyes, something stirred inside her and before she had time to think it twice, she said, "You know what? For once I have an hour to spare and I still haven't tried that new place and those energy drinks that you told me about. How would you like to try one while we have a little chat?" For some strange reason she didn't like the expression on his face and didn't think it right to let him go home when he looked so down.

"What about your sister?" Kid replied, tilting his head to indicate the bag with the teddy bear.

"Oh..." Lou let out, realizing that she had forgotten about Theresa completely. Yet, she simply shrugged her shoulders in indifference as she explained, "That can wait and it won't matter in the least bit if I'm a little late."

Kid stared at her in silence. Spending time with her outside the hospital was a very strong temptation indeed and there was nothing he wished more. He was aware that Lou was gradually becoming more than a friend, and he actually desired for her to be more than she could give him. However much he wanted to deny it to himself and others, he knew that if she were a free woman, he'd go for her doubtlessly despite the silly rule he had imposed upon himself regarding the women working with him. With each passing day he discovered something new about her that made him sadly realize that he wanted her. Jimmy was right after all and if Lou were to egg him on, he would turn deaf and blind to everything else and would do exactly what Jimmy was doing with Sarah. Of course that would never happen; Lou was an upstanding woman and would never give him the opportunity that he reluctantly had to admit he longed for. Naturally that wasn't the road to follow. He needed to keep away from her and even though for obvious reasons he just couldn't stop seeing her, at least he should refrain from hanging around her outside of work. So much to his chagrin, he opened his mouth to say, "Sorry, Lou, but I'm not in the mood." She nodded and he managed to give a small smile as he added, "I'll see you tomorrow."

"It's all right, Kid," Lou muttered, somehow hurt by his refusal, and kept eyeing him carefully. She wanted to insist, knowing that if she put her mind to it, she'd manage to convince him. She didn't like the way his mood had changed since Jimmy had hurled those comments at him. Yet, she refrained from saying anything else and simply sent him a sympathetic smile.

With slow steps he headed for the exit, feeling a strange pain in his chest as if he was losing something he never had. He felt rotten and all he wanted right now was to lock himself up in his apartment and go straight to bed. The day had burdened his weakened soul and he needed to unload his crowded self. The horizon looked very bleak to his eyes and the feeling reminded him of the time Doritha had left him. Maybe he should go back to see Dr. Peterson. After his fatal break-up, he had started going to therapy. The last time he had seen his psychologist was over a year ago or so, and maybe he should pay him a visit. That wouldn't harm him, rather the opposite, and right now he really needed help... urgently.