When I was little, I used to wish that I could read people's minds. As I got older, I realized that maybe that wouldn't be the best superpower to have. I mean, I guess that I'd rather not know that someone is thinking that I'm annoying or that they're thinking of something else while I'm talking to them. But right now, more than ever, I wish that I could.
Austin's still holding the phone to his ear, his eyes beginning to pool with tears. He hasn't said anything since his outburst, and I can only hear a slight murmur coming from the other line on his phone. He runs a hand through his hair and a tear frees itself from his eye, falling quickly down his cheek, as I just sit there. I have no idea what to do. Should I reach out to him? Should I leave and give him some privacy?
Before I can decide, Austin hoarsely says, "I'll be right there."
He hangs up his phone and drops his head into his hands.
Floundering for something to say or do, all I can manage to do is whisper his name. He slowly raises his head and his tear-filled eyes meet mine.
"I need to leave..." He says quietly.
"O-of course. I'll call Richard and-" I begin babbling and start to stand up, ready to quickly get my things together. I stop short when Austin grabs my wrist, pulling me back down.
"W-will you come with me?" He asks, my heart breaking at the sight before me. The man who only a couple hours ago had been smirking and joking with me was now crumpled and tear-stained.
"Of course," I whisper, putting my hand on his cheek, which he leans into and takes a deep breath. I have no idea where he's asking me to go, but right now I would follow him anywhere, if only to make his tears go away.
Slowly, he gets up and exits the fort, and I follow.
"You can change if you want to. I just need to grab a few things, then we'll leave." I nod, and he retreats down the hallway, probably going to his bedroom. As I dig around in my bag for a change of clothes, his voice drifts on from down the hall. It sounds like he's making some kind of arrangements. I head to the bathroom and quickly peel off my Thunder From Down Under tee and slip on jeans and a floral tunic top. When I return to the living room, Austin is sitting on the couch.
"Ready?" He asks, standing and slipping a backpack over his shoulder. I nod, heading over to the couch and stuff my toiletries bag, a change of clothes, and my songbook into my black leather backpack. I join Austin at the door.
As we walk down the hallway, Austin looks over and gives me a small, sad smile, which I return. Before I lose the nerve, I reach out and take his hand. He immediately squeezes it, and his shoulders seem to relax a bit.
We exit the building to find that Richard is waiting for us, car door open. He flashes us a small smile as we climb in.
We sit in silence for a while, Austin absentmindedly rubbing his thumb over the back of my hand as he looks out the window. Eventually, I can't take not knowing any longer.
"Hey," I say quietly, causing Austin to break out of his trance and meet my eyes. "Want to talk about it?"
He bites his lip and takes a deep breath. "It's my sister..." He begins, but stops as tears begin to fill his eyes again.
"Hey, hey, it's alright," I soothe, placing my free hand on his forearm. "Where are we going?"
"Washington," he answers feebly.
Everything begins to click in my head. The pictures online, his reaction...
"To the hospital?" I probe gently.
A tear escapes his eye as he nods, looking down at our hands resting in his lap. "She- I-" He starts but gets choked up.
I squeeze his arm. "Hey, it's ok, you don't have to explain. I'm here for you."
He gives me a small, grateful smile. The car comes to a stop and I look out the window. I'm shocked to find that we are on a runway, parked in front of a small plane. Richard comes around and opens the door. We exit and walk, still hand in hand, up to the plane. Austin ascends the stairs first and i follow. I can't stop from gasping as I enter the plane and take it in. It's a small plane, but what it lacks in room it makes up for in luxury. It's filled with plush white couch seats and single seats, with enough seats for about ten people. Austin leads me to one of the couches and we sit. In other circumstances, I would have made a jab at Austin for having his own plane, but now is not the time.
After a few moments, the plane takes off. I look over at Austin and take in his puffy eyes and shaking leg.
"Come here," I whisper, gently tugging on his hand. I place my hands on his shoulders and pull him down so his head is in my lap. He lets out a sigh as I begin softly stroking his hair.
After a while, I thought he had begun to doze off, his breathing slowing, but suddenly he clears his throat. "It started when she was only four..."
My breath hitches in my throat as I realize what he's about to share with me.
"She was just so sick all the time. We took her to so many doctors, and none of them could figure out what was wrong with her. Finally, they confirmed our worst fear: it was cancer. We had just lost my dad and my mom just... She couldn't take it. She thought we were going to lose Addie.
But Addie's a fighter. When the doctors told her that she had cancer, the first thing she said was 'Ok, what's next?' And she was only four, Ally. I swear, she's the toughest little girl I know.
After about a year of treatment, she was cancer free. When the doctors told my mom, it was like the world had been lifted off her shoulders. Addie was able to come home, and we were happy again. But about six months later, it came back, and worse than before. Since then, her and my mom practically live in the hospital. We've had quite a few scares, with the cancer attacking certain parts of her body. The wind's knocked out of me every time I look at my phone to see my mom is calling, because I know if she's calling it's not good. I visit her as much as I can, but it gets hard. I hate that the last few times I've gone to her were because something happened. Like tonight. My mom called to tell me the cancer is attacking her lungs."
He sighs, and I keep stroking his hair. "That's why you disappear."
He nods. "The only person that knows where I go is Richard, and well, now you." A small smile lifts the corners of his mouth. "I don't tell people about Addie because I don't want it to get out to the media. That just wouldn't be fair to Addie, or my mom. They're dealing with enough as it is; I don't want the paparazzi hounding in on them."
"Thank you for trusting me with this. I swear to you I will never tell anyone."
"Thank you for being here for me."
"Of course."
So when he asks me to sing for him, I do.
A&A
We both must have dozed off at some point, because we are both jolted awake when the plane touches down. Austin sits up and rubs his eyes, then turns to me and smiles. He grabs my hand as we walk out of the plane, Austin stopping for a moment to shake hands with the pilot. A car is waiting for us, and we quickly climb inside.
The drive to the hospital is short, and along the way it starts to drizzle. We pull up to the hospital and I see the sign that Austin was photographed in front of. What they failed to show online was how huge the hospital is. I crane my neck to look up at the rising building. As we walk inside, I'm taken aback. This is definitely the nicest hospital I have ever been in.
I look over to find Austin looking at me, and noticing the awe on my face he sheepishly says, "Only the best for my sister."
He leads me to the elevator and presses the button for the tenth floor. The doors open to reveal a wide, open space with a pristine nurses station in the middle. Doctors and nurses flit about, and the sounds of hospital machines fill the air. We go to the right, down a wide hallway. We stop in front of a row of chairs.
Austin shifts on his feet, and I understand what he is about to ask, so I squeeze his hand and say, "Go, I'll wait here."
He gives me a grateful smile, squeezing my and back, and enters a room two doors down on the left. I take a seat in the surprisingly comfortable chair and watch as the nurses and visitors pass by. I pull out my phone, only to put it back away after seeing missed calls from Dad and Trish filling the screen. Now is not the time.
Then when is the time? A voice nags in the back of my head.
I know what this must be doing to Dad. No matter what Trish is telling him, I know he's probably worried sick. It's not fair of me to do this to him, not after he's already lost my mom. The guilt eating at me, I'm about to reach back for my phone when the sound of a guitar drifts down the hall. Immediately curious, I stand and walk slowly towards the sound. I reach the door that Austin went into and am surprised by what I see.
Austin is sitting next to a hospital bed, strumming a guitar. In the bed is a blonde little girl, undoubtably Austin's little sister. They have the same hair, the same eyes, the same mega-watt smile. If I didn't know better, I would think that his sister was perfectly fine, given her sitting on her heels, swaying along to the song Austin's strumming, huge smile on her face. But the machines hooked up all over her body remind me of the unfortunate reality. Neither of them see me, so I quickly take a seat in the chair next to the door and crane my neck to listen. I have to hold back a gasp from what I hear next.
Austin's singing. My mouth drops open as I listen.
Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to be free
No freaking way. He can to sing! Not only can he sing, he's probably one of the best singers I've ever heard. I'm so dumbstruck, I can only sit there and listen.
Blackbird fly, blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night
Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
When he's done, I have to stop myself from storming in there and demanding answers. Now is not the time.
The sound of small hands clapping comes from inside, accompanied by Austin's laugh.
"I take it we're feeling better?" Austin asks, voice full of amusement.
"Yep, it just took a little chemo." Addie says, voice triumphant.
Austin laughs. "'A little chemo' hmm? Only you, Addie."
More laughter ensues as more is said, but I can't quite make out what they're saying. I let out a breath that I've been holding ever since Austin got the phone call. She's okay.
"I brought someone with me that I want you to meet," I hear Austin say.
"Ohhh, is she your girlfriend?"
Austin scoffs. "First of all, I never said it was a girl, you goof. Second of all, she's not my girlfriend..." He then says something I can't quite hear. "I'll go get her now."
Oh crap. I scurry from my chair as I hear him stand, and practically sprint back to my original chair. I try to act as if I wasn't just eavesdropping as Austin walks over to me.
"She's okay now, thankfully. She went through an intense round of chemo, but they think they've got it to stop spreading. Would you like to come in?" He asks. Up close now, I can see that the life has returned to his face. His true smile is back and there's light in his eyes again.
"Of course." I smile back and follow him into the room.
"Addie, this is Ally," Austin says, motioning to me.
"She's really pretty!" Addie says, causing me to laugh and blush at the same time.
"Has someone forget their manners?" Austin chides humorously.
Addie rolls her eyes. "It's nice to meet you, Ally."
I follow Austin and sit in the other chair next to her bed. "It's even nicer to meet you. Austin's told me a lot about you."
"Well I can't say the same about you," Addie says, giving Austin a pointed look. Austin looks guilty but playfully nudges her shoulder.
"You know if I could be here everyday I would," he says.
"I know. But what would Vegas do without their hottest magician of all time?" Addie puts a hand to her head and pretends to faint.
"Oh hush up." This time Austin rolls his eyes. As I watch them banter, I'm struck by just how happy Austin looks. To be here, with his sister, where he can be his real self. He looks younger, a boyish grin consuming his face.
"So, Ally, you're in the show?" Addie asks, pulling Ally out of her thoughts.
"Yep, I'm the newbie."
"I would hardly call you a newbie. You've been in the show for three months now, you're a pro." He bumps my shoulder, then turns to Addie. "She's the best singer I've ever heard. After every show I'm hounded by people wanting to steal her away, but I tell them nope, she's all mine."
I feel the heat creeping up my cheeks at the compliment.
"You sing?!" Addie exclaims.
"Not only does she sing," Austin adds, "but she writes her own songs, too."
"Ok you have to sing for me!" Addie squeals.
"Oh, I don't know I-" I hesitate.
"Pleaseeee..." Addie drawls, giving me the same puppy dog eyes that Austin does.
"You Moons and your puppy dog eyes," I humph, taking the guitar Austin holds out to me.
Addie claps her hands as I shoulder the guitar and strum a bit, thinking of what to play. A song I wrote a long time ago comes to mind, and I begin to sing.
I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river, and it made me complete
Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old, and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired, and I need somewhere to begin
I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?
Addie is looking at me with eyes wide, and Austin's looking at me like... I can't tell what the look on his face means. It's something I've never seen before.
Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old, and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired, and I need somewhere to begin
And if you have a minute, why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?
As I strum the last chord, Austin and Addie erupt into applause.
"You. Are. Amazing!" Addie cries.
I laugh and hand Austin the guitar. We spend the next few hours talking. I sing a few more songs, much to Addie's delight. I don't bring up Austin singing because I don't want to try my luck. That's a discussion for later.
When it's time to say goodbye, I give Addie a tight hug.
"I hope you stick around, Ally," she whispers into my ear.
"I hope so, too."
A&A
Blackbird- Boyce Avenue Version
Somewhere Only We Know- Lilly Allen
If you're still reading this: thank you, I'm sorry.
|April|