I don't own SPN, only my OCs and this storyline.
Chapter 11
Deans POV
With a zap Cas and I stood at the porch of Lisas house. It's been over five years since I was here last. At that time I took her memories of me and didn't know that Ben was my son. Even if I tried to deny it, that Ben is my son, he was on my mind every time I wasn't researching or hunting, mostly during the nights. I still can believe it, but what Cassie said made sense and now I am nervous, because I don't know what will happen after Lisa gets her memories back.
I don't even know what I really want. I always loved Lisa; she wasn't like any other woman in my life. She has a special place in my heart. I am still not sure that after all I have done that I would deserve her or happiness, but Sam and Cassie are right I have to make a mends at least for Bens sake. He is my son and I want to be in his life. I already missed too much and maybe there is a way for me and Lisa as well. The soulmate thing points in that direction, but I don't know if I really like that, because normally I decide my faith and nobody else.
But without knocking on the door I will achieve nothing. So I take a deep breath and ring the bell. Together with Cas I wait at the door, which happens to open after some moments. It is Lisa and she asks. "What can I …" but Cas touches her forehead and stops her by giving her, her memories back.
It only took seconds before she looks at me and asks bewildered. "Dean?" like she can't believe that I am really here.
"Yeah." I answer-
Her face changed from surprised to confused to pissed in only seconds. She crosses her arms in front of her chest as she says. "You took my memories of you."
I went on defensive mode and say. "Yeah and you lied about Ben not being my son." My voice is angry and hurt. The expression on her face softens somehow and I can see that she is sorry, because of that I add. "But I guess we are even."
"Looks like it." she says and then she looks at Cas and asks. "Who is he?"
"That's Cas and he is an angel."
"Oh, okay." was her only response and then we went silent. We stand on her porch like nervous teenager after a bad date. This is getting ridiculous.
"Can we get in? I think we have some things to discuss and I feel like I am an display out here." I say after I can't stand the awkward silence anymore.
"Ah … yeah … come on in." she says, steps to the side to let us in. She guides us to the living room as we enter I hear footsteps on the stairs and know Ben is coming down. He steps into the living room and looks at us, before he asks his mother. "Who are they?" It hurt that he didn't know, who I am, but I can only blame myself for that. Cas walks to him and does the same thing, he had done to Lisa. As soon as he was done he left us, like he wants to give us space. I pray thanks to him.
I watch as recognition displays on his face. He looks at me with fury in his eyes, before he crosses the room in three long strides and punches me. Damn, that hurt, that was a mean right hook.
"Ben." Lisa yells, but I signal her that I would handle it.
After the pain lessens a bit I look into his eyes, which are still blazing and say. "I know I was an ass to both of you. So I deserve that punch, but that's the only one." I say in a strict voice.
His anger doesn't lessen. "We see about that. You were the reason Mom was hurt in the first place and then you took our memories of you like a coward." he says in a hard voice and every word hurt, like multiple arrows would hit me, for every mistake I made. But the worst is that he is right, about everything he said.
"I know, but you were the one that said that, all was my fault and that nothing would have happened if I never met you guys." I reply angry. I may know, how and why he feels in this way, but I taught him better than to be consumed by his anger. I never wanted that he would become like me, but some Winchester traits can be wished away.
My words soften him a bit. "I was angry and didn't mean It." he says and I believe him.
"Do you mean it now?" I ask him, because if he doesn't want me here. I will leave even if it will break my heart and probably destroy me.
He thought a moment, about it before he answers. "No, I always wanted you as my dad and that hasn't changed. Even after what you have done."
A slow smile starts on my face as I say. "Looks like you got your wish, kiddo."
He looks confused at me. "What do you mean?"
"Looks like I always was your father, but we both didn't knew it." I say with dry humor.
"What?" he exclaims and turns to his mother and asks her "Why?"
Lisa looks ashamed at the floor before she answers. "In the beginning I believed that the playboy Dean Winchester couldn't be a good father and after I learnt about hunting I didn't want the … things out there know about you. So I lied … to both of you."
"That's all you have to say, that you lied to him and me, oh that is so mature." Ben says sarcastically.
"Ben don't be too hard on your Mom. I get where she is coming from." I try to defend her. I may be pissed about it as well, but there is no reason to put a strain between their mother-son-relationship.
Ben took a seat at the couch looks at me with a hard face and asks. "Why are you back, after you left us alone? Where everything of the supernatural world could get us, hurt us or hurt Mom?" His anger is still there and probably will be for a long time. Unresolved father issues are a common Winchester trait. It makes me proud that he takes it as his responsibility to protect his mother. Finally I did something right in my life, because I told Ben all those years ago to always look out for his mother.
"I am sorry, but you were never alone." I tell them.
"What do you mean by that?" Lisa wants to know.
"I had another hunter keep an eye on the both of you and she is the reason that I am here now." Lisa looks at me with perplexed eyes. "You didn't believe I would let you alone in this world unprotected. I am may have decided not to be with you here, but that doesn't mean that I am reckless with your lives."
"Ok." was Lisas reaction, while Ben asks. "So you care about us?"
I look at him, before I walk to the couch and take the seat beside him. "I always cared for the both of you. Even when I didn't knew you were my son, I treated you like a son, because to me you were."
"But you still left."
"Ben you have to understand that, that day was the worst day of my life, even worse then hell. Because losing either of you scared the shit out of me and after you were save and said those words to me … my heart broke and I gave you what you wanted." I tell him. Wow I turning into a girl, but that is what having kids means, opening up your heart for them. First the twins with their chick flicks and now Ben, but if it means I can be in his life I do it in a heartbeat.
"So why did you came back."
"Because Cassie didn't got of my case and I was done fighting with her about wheter I should be in your life or not." I tell him.
"Cassie to you mean, Cassandra Hennigan?" Lisa wants to know.
I look at her. "Yeah, she was the hunter, who kept watch over both of you. I wouldn't call her Cassandra to her face, she hates it. Only her parents called her that and that's a touchy subject."
"Yeah I know. But she has the twins?" she asks me.
"Yeah, I didn't know that."
Curiosity and vulnerability crossed Lisa face as she asks. "So you are their father?"
"What? … No. … Sam is." I tell her.
"JD and Lexi are my cousins?" Ben wants to know.
"Apparently."
"Nice." he says with a mischievous smile.
"And Cassie got on your case because of us?" Lisa asks curious.
"Yeah, since she is back in our life, we fought every minute about what I did. She likes you really much." I tell her, because it is good to know that the woman Sammy loves is so a good friend to the love of my life, like it should be in a family.
"I like her too." Lisa says with a smile.
For some moments we all seat in silent and try to adjust to the new situation. It doesn't happen on a normal day that you get your memories back or learn who your father is. It will take time to get used to it. Surprisingly instead of me or Lisa it was Ben, who broke the silence. "So what happens now?"
I take a deep breath. "I want to be in your life … in both of yours if you let me." I tell them. Yeah I am a little insecure, but I on whole new turf here.
"What about hunting?" Lisa wants to know.
I look at her and knew that would probably a deal breaker for her, but that's who I am. "I can't quit, I tried but I am hunter Lis, but I will not let it get in the way of my family again."
"What does that mean?"
Oh God here goes nothing. "Sam and me found a bunker a few years back. It is warded against everything, so nothing could get us there."
"And?" she asks further.
"There are some rooms free if you want, for both of you." I tell them. I see that Lisa and Ben want to protest, but I am not done. "Ben I know you will start College in the fall, Cassie told me so, and you will go, even if I have to drive you there myself." I may be a hunter, but that doesn't mean it is a job I want for my son absolutely not. "But you will get some hand-to-hand-combat and have to carry salt and holy water with you all the time, so that I can sleep a bit better at night. And during breaks you can come home to us." He smiles at me because I want him save. "And Lis you work as a yoga instructor, but I know you want to study mythology, which you can at the bunker, because all the books ever published about that topic you can find there. You can help us research if you want. But you don't have to pay for rent or anything else in matters of living." I tell them and wait what they would say now. I impressed myself, but improvising was always my strong suit.
"Cassie is such a gossip." Lisa says with a smile.
"Yeah, but I would get used to it, because Sam and Cassie just moved in the bunker together with the kids. They live there with us, we are a family and as such a package deal." I tell her.
"So I wouldn't be alone if you were on a hunting trip." Lisa wants to know.
"Yeah."
"What about her work." she asks.
Now I have to laugh a bit and she looks at me startled. "Sam made her quit, because her working as a stripper doesn't sit well with him."
"Oh, what is she doing now?"
"I think Sam animates her to start writing again."
"Nice."
"Mom, De.. I mean Dad if it's ok if I call you that?" Ben asks with a shy look and I nod. Nothing would make me happier than that. Expect maybe to have Lisa in my arms. "Gossiping and such is nice, but what will we do?"
"I don't know, honey." Lisa answers his question.
Not what I wanted to hear, but what did I expect that she would fall back in my arms like Cassie did with Sam. No, we are different then them, so it would work in a different way. But I try to hide my disappointment on my face. "Think about it. Hey I have an idea, what do you do today?"
"I have nothing planed." Lisa said and looks questionable.
"I wanted to meet the guys but I think family is more important." Ben answers. Wow, my son is like me in that point. I am grateful that he isn't one of these teenagers, who hate family time, because they have something better to do.
"Good, give me a minute." I say. I take my phone out and call Sam. After some rings he picks up.
"Yeah."
"Sam can Cassie make something for dinner? I want to show Ben and Lisa the bunker." I tell him.
"Scary." he laughs.
"What?" I ask him.
"That my wife knows you so well and she started dinner already. I owe her 10 bucks man." Sam says.
"Interesting, but since when are you married?" I ask him.
"What do you mean?" he as me bewildered.
"Sammy you just called her your wife." I say with a smile.
"Really, but she almost is."
"Yeah, but you have to ask first." I tell him.
"I am planning on it."
"What?" that is news to me. But it should have been clear to me, that he didn't want to lose her again and that would be next step for him.
"Yeah, I tell you when you are back here."
"I hold you to it. Good bye."
"Bye." I close the phone and look at Ben and Lisa with a smile on my face.
"Sam wants to propose." Lisa wants to know, her smile equals mine.
"Looks like it."
"How long will it take us to get to the bunker as you call it?" Ben wants to know.
"It's in Lebanon, Kansas, a four hour drive, but I here without Baby. We take something faster and I call the bunker the batcave." I say with a smile.
"Ok and what is faster than your car especially if you hate flying." Lisa points out.
Instead of answering, I start praying. "Cas could you get us to the bunker" it took him a moment before he was back in the room with us.
"You know Dean I am not a beamer station." he says with a stoic smile. Since Metatron has given him the pop culture references, he tries to use them. Normally they don't fit, but even a blind hen sometimes finds a grain of corn.
I laugh at his joke, before I say. "I know, but would you do it Scotty and beam us up."
Ben starts laughing to; apparently Ben and me have more in common than I have ever guessed. It would be good to get to know him for being my son and vice versa. "I will." was Cas answer.
"Take my hand." I tell Lisa and Ben. Ben takes the shoulder while Lisa and I intertwine our hands as she reaches for my hand. I like the feeling of her hand in mine, like that is where she always belonged. Before I could finish that thought, we zap to the library of the bunker. Without another word Cas vanishes in his typical way.
"Is he always like that?" Ben wants to know.
"Pretty much, but you get used to it." Sam answered from behind. He walks to Lisa and Ben and hugs them.
"Hey Lisa, Ben, welcome to the bunker."
"Batcave." Ben and I say at the same time.
"Yeah definitely Deans son." Sam says with a smile.
Lisa looks around in the library, before she asks. "Who owns this?"
"We." Sam and I say at the same time.
"What is it?"
"There was a secret society called the Men of Letter, but they died out in the fifties. We learned about them because we met our grandfather and he told us that it would have been our legacy to become Men of Letters." Sam says in his teacher voice.
"I thought your grandfather left you father." Lisa wants to know.
"Yeah, apparently time traveling and dying in another time can do that to you." I say while I scratch my neck. I still don't know how I feel about that particular encounter at least it brought us a home for our family, so there is that.
Before someone could respond to that, the twins yell. "Daddy come play with us, we are done unpacking." as they enter the library with smiles on their faces. But as soon as the saw Ben and Lisa they light up more. "Ben." JD yells and runs to him. Ben catches him with ease.
While at the same time Lexi yelled. "Auntie Lisa." and rushed into her arms. Lisa and Ben are happy to see the twins too, that I can see on their faces. Maybe that helps in the decision making process. I look at Sam and he smiles back at me. Maybe we finally catch a break.
Lexi question stops my mushing's. "Antie Lisa do you remember Uncle Dean and does that mean you will stay with us here?" she is really too smart sometimes. Sam laughs at his daughters antics while Lisa is a little perplex, because she doesn't know what to say to that.
So I walk to her, go down on one knee and say. "Sweetie, yes Antie Lisa knows, who we are now." I take a deep breath before I go on with what I have to say, because it is so out of character, but if I want Lisa and Ben in my life I have to be open to them. "But even if I want them to live with us, the decision is up to them. Ok?" while I say that I look at Lisas face out of the corner of my eye and see that she is happy that I want them here.
"Okay." Lexi answer and turns around to Sam. "Can JD and me show Ben our rooms."
"Of course, baby girl."
"Yippie." the twins yell, they take one of Bens hand each and together they pull him in the direction of their room.
With them out of the library, we all stand around a little awkward. But it was Sam, who fled the room with. "Dinner should be reading in 30 min or so."
Subtle Sammy. Lisa and I know that we should talk alone, but at least he shouldn't be so obvious about it. I turn to Lisa and look into her beautiful face, I see that she is clueless as me, about what we should do. But we have to start somewhere. "Let's take a seat and talk." I say to her. It took her some moments to do that and I wait till she takes the seat beside me.
She doesn't look at me as she asks. "Was Ben the only reason you came back."
I touch her chin to make her look at me so that she sees, that I mean what I say. "No. But I have to say he was the essential one, because I want to know my son and as an extra I get to have you in my life."
She smiles at me. "Okay and you really want me, us here?"
"Yes." I say without thinking about it, because it is the truth. I take her hand.
"Dean … can I ask you something?"
"Everything."
"Did you love me?" She looks at me with her vulnerable eyes. So we are doing this now, okay, then I have to be honest with her.
"I still do and before you ask why I erased me from your memory still. It was because I thought that you deserved better than me."
"But I always wanted you and nobody else. Even if I didn't remembered you, every guy I tried a relationship with I compared to you."
Instead of answering that I kiss her. Yes it is impulsive and takes her by surprise, because at the beginning she doesn't know, how to react. But she can't say such things and expect me not to kiss her. She didn't push me away on the contrary after some moments she pulls me closer. God, I love this woman. I try to tell her that through the kiss, which was passionate and long.
We break apart to get some air and connect our foreheads and look in each others eyes. Lisa took me by surprise as she says. "Let's do this."
"You mean it."
"You are right, Ben is going to college and I will be alone and from here I can do what I want as well." she says with a smile.
This woman amazes me. Why was I such a moron and took her away from me. I may not deserve her, but I wouldn't let her go again. Not this time, not ever. So I kiss her again to show her how happy that makes me. The kiss soon turns into a make out session like we were teenagers again, but I don't care, because I love to kiss her and I will do it as look as I like. But of course everything has to end somehow. In this case it was Cassies voice. "Guys dinner is ready." we break apart. I take her hand; we stand up and lead her into the kitchen, where Cassie probably sets the table for our first dinner as a complete family.
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