Hi guys! I promised the last chapter before the show aired, so here it is! Hopefully, you all enjoy it, and thank you so much to the people who took/will take the time to comment, it really means the world to me. I hope we have a great episode tonight, and that you all enjoy it! If anyone wants to talk about it, please don't hesitate to PM me or find me on tumblr (emisfritish), I always love seeing what other people think of the show!
I hope you enjoyed reading this story as much as I loved writing it, and I'll see you soon for the next one! An epilogue may come for this story, but if I write it, it'll probably be posted as a one-shot or added to the story later on
Oliver is sitting on the couch sipping from a glass of whisky while waiting for Felicity to come home.
Since Diggle re-introduced him to the drink, he has to admit that it has grown on him. Although vodka remains his go-to drink, he sometimes prefers the bitter taste of the warm brown alcohol to his usual choice.
The drink always reminds him of the times him and Diggle drank some together after a difficult evening on the street, and it always manages to comfort him.
Even though he'll never admit it out loud to his friend, he does miss Diggle a lot.
Oliver is pulled from his musing by the noise of the front door being pushed open and Felicity entering the loft. He sits up on the couch and turns towards her smiling warmly, but he instantly feels worry settle in his chest when he sees the weary look on her face.
Thea wouldn't go back on her promise, would she?
God, he hopes not.
He doesn't know if he'll be able to stand losing Felicity because his sister put too much pressure on her. It just wouldn't be fair.
"Hey," he says softly to her while she drops her keys and handbag on the breakfast bar. "How's Curtis?"
Felicity lifts her head towards him and smiles, but he feels a pang in his chest when he notices that she isn't even looking at him in the eyes.
"He's better. We talked things through and he had time to calm down. If everything goes as planned, he should be on his way to his husband with a huge bouquet to apologize for being an ass."
Oliver smiles in answer, although he can't shake the worry that something is wrong with the way Felicity is acting.
At least one couple will have their happy ending, he thinks wearily.
"How was your day? Did the meeting go okay?" Felicity continues, and Oliver instantly feels relieved.
She may not be acting normal, and the fact that she still won't look at him worries him, but at least she doesn't appear to be mad or resent him.
"It went okay. We didn't resolve everything, so we'll have to meet again, but it wasn't too bad."
Felicity nods in acknowledgement, and she makes her way towards him, before dropping down on the couch next to him.
Trying to calm his nerves, Oliver picks his glass of whisky back up, while watching her from the corner of his eye.
He doesn't understand what is going on. She doesn't look or sound particularly mad or resentful, instead she looks pensive and like she is trying to talk herself into doing something.
The thing that worries Oliver to death is wondering what she is trying to talk herself into doing. He can only hope that it isn't letting him down gently after Thea spilled the beans, because he doesn't think he could survive that.
After about a minute of silence, she takes a deep breath, and turns towards him in resolve.
Oliver puts his glass down on the living room table, before he turns to face her, waiting anxiously for what she has to say.
"So, I had a talk with Thea…" she starts to say.
A sense of dread fills Oliver at those words, and he closes his eyes, not wanting to face what is about to come.
He cannot believe that Thea actually talked to her. He thought he had gotten through to her, and that she understood the importance of letting them deal by themselves. He can't fathom the thought that he is about to lose Felicity right now, because of a conversation she had with his sister.
"I take it she had a similar talk with you, huh?" she tries to joke, but Oliver doesn't move.
Fear and worry are battling in his chest, and he suddenly feels like he wants to vomit. God, he's about to lose her a second time. How many times can he go through this and actually survive it?
"Oliver, it's okay," she says, breaking him out of his thoughts by taking his hand in hers gently.
Oliver opens his eyes in surprise at her gesture, although he knows that Felicity will be able to read the angst in his eyes.
He's not ready. He can't say goodbye to her again, he can't lose her. He's gotten used to her being the most important person in his life again and most of all, he got used to him being the most important person in her life.
He wakes up to her, he comes back from work and talks to her, he dreams of her at night. She is the first person he wants to talk to when something good happens, the only person he can stand showing his weaknesses to. Felicity has become his everything, and he's not ready to lose her. Not now, when he hasn't mentally prepared himself for the possibility.
He doesn't say anything, and just waits for her to continue. He doesn't think he'd be able to talk anyway, his throat feels too tight.
"Why didn't you tell me?" she asks squeezing his hand. "I mean, I'm not stupid. I knew we were getting closer, and god, I've loved these past few months with you. But I didn't realize how close. I didn't mean to hurt you by forcing you to wait for me, that was never—"
"Felicity, you didn't," Oliver says, finally finding his voice. He can't stay silent and let her imagine that she is the worst person in the world and he's been hurting all this time.
Many things have changed between them since they met, but one thing that has always been constant, is that Oliver can't stand to see Felicity in pain.
"You didn't hurt me, I promise. I've just been grateful I got to spend all of this time with you, that you decided to let me back in."
"But Thea's right, isn't she? I knew we were growing closer, but it wasn't until she pointed it out that I realized that we had basically already been acting like a couple in almost all aspects of our life," she says with a sad smile. "I'm stupid really. I've been so scared of putting myself back out there, of opening myself back up to you that I didn't realize that I had already been doing it for months."
"Felicity, you're probably the least stupid person I know," Oliver answers with a frown. He hates it when Felicity speaks so self-deprecatingly about herself.
She stays silent and only shrugs in answer, but her thumb caresses the skin of his hand where it's resting to show her appreciation.
After a few seconds, Oliver thinks back on her words, and he pushes forward, taking her other hand in his and holding them tightly.
"What are you afraid of?" he finally asks softly, dreading the answer.
He hates that their break up took such a toll on Felicity, and he never enjoys being reminded of how much he hurt her. Still, he knows it's a conversation they need to have if they even want a small chance of being together again.
"It's stupid anyway," she starts to say, shaking her head slightly. "I didn't want to get back together too quickly because I was afraid of how much it would hurt if it didn't work again, but it was foolish of me to think that I could keep a hold on my feelings. Who was I kidding? You're the most important part of my day Oliver, the most important part of my life. Losing you now would hurt just as much as if we were actually a couple."
Oliver's breath hitches at her confession.
"And god, I just miss you." she continues. "It's stupid, because I know that we've been spending all of this time together, but I miss being close to you, I miss just being able to hold you tight at night, I miss knowing I was the person you had picked out of everyone you could have picked, I miss being your fiancée," she says, her voice cracking on the last word.
Oliver feels his heart break at the tears he can see pooling in her eyes, but at the same time a surge of hope bursts through him at her words.
"I miss all of that too, Felicity. So much. I just want to be with you," he says pleadingly, letting one of her hands go to cup her cheek.
"And I want that too," she admits, nuzzling his hand with her cheek. "But I'm scared. When you lied to me and we broke up? It really hurt Oliver. And I know I shouldn't have reacted the way I did, and I certainly said some things I didn't mean, but I was so hurt. If something like that were to happen again, I don't know how I could get over it."
Oliver opens his mouth to reassure her that something like that could never happen again, but she continues talking before he has the time.
"I don't trust easily. You know that," she says, and Oliver nods sadly. "Between everything that happened with my family, and then with Cooper, I just… I have a hard time trusting people. And yet I trusted you completely. Since the moment I met you, and in spite of all of your lame excuses, I always seemed to trust you. When I discovered the truth about William, it wasn't just the fact that you lied to me that hurt. It was also because I felt like you used that trust to your advantage."
Oliver feels tears well into his eyes at the thought of him hurting her that badly. At the time, his only thought was to protect his son, and maybe get a chance at a relationship with him. He knew Felicity wouldn't be happy when she found out and he hated lying to her, but he had never thought that it would end up hurting her that badly either.
God, he messed up so bad, and the last thing he ever wanted to do was hurt Felicity.
"I was planning forever with you Oliver, and it just didn't seem like you were there with me. It didn't seem like you were doing the same," she finally says, lowering her face.
And that hurts more than anything. He knows that he made mistakes and that he should have never hid William from her, but he was always completely honest in his feelings towards Felicity.
"Why do you say that?" he says, clearing his throat when his voice breaks with emotion. "I loved—love you so much, and I would have happily spent the rest of my days with you. You are my forever Felicity, I still believe that."
"What was I supposed to think Oliver? I know you love me, and of course, I love you. So much. That's never been the issue between us. But you were making major decisions about your life and our future without consulting me, or even mentioning them to me. I was going to be your wife, Oliver. I'm supposed to be the person you trust with everything. I was in this relationship for the long haul, I would have been a part of William's future, and I would have loved him. Because he is your son, and I love you. And yet, you were deciding everything alone, even after I knew of him. And I'm sorry, but that's not the kind of future I want. It's not the kind of marriage I want."
When she finishes her speech, Felicity has tears running down her cheeks, but she is still holding his hand tightly.
Oliver lowers his head in shame, and he fights the tears that are threatening to fall down his cheeks as well.
God, he can't believe that he put her through all of this. When they broke up, he and Felicity had never really taken the time to talk about everything, and although he understood that he had hurt her, he didn't know how much until right now.
Still, he vows to himself that he will never hurt her that way again.
He's going to fight for Felicity to give them a second chance, and this time, they'll get it right and be so happy.
"I am so sorry that I made you live that Felicity. I will spend my entire life trying to make this up to you if you'll let me. Hurting you was the last thing I wanted to do, I hope you know that," he says, looking back towards her and he sees Felicity looking at him gently.
"I know Oliver. And you don't have to do that. I don't want you to make things up to me. I just want to be sure that something like that could never happen between us again," she says, and Oliver feels hope swell in his heart.
"And I promise, it never will. I can't promise that I'll never hurt you again, or even that I'll never lie. We both know that isn't possible, no matter the relationship. But I promise that I'll never hide something as important as this ever again. I promise that I will never put you through the kind of hurt that you've been through because of this."
For a few seconds after his speech, both he and Felicity stay silent. Oliver can read the remaining doubt on Felicity's face, and he can only imagine the fear and the want battling inside of her at that very moment.
"I know you're scared Felicity. If I'm honest with myself, I'm terrified too. But I know that we can get through this, together," he says pleadingly.
"What are you afraid of?" she asks immediately, as if the thought that he could be afraid as well had never crossed her mind.
Oliver hesitates, not knowing what to do. He doesn't want to risk angering Felicity or shatter whatever chances they have at getting back together. Not when they are so close. Still, he just promised Felicity that he wouldn't hide anything major from her anymore. If they have any chance of making it through the long haul, he knows he has to be honest about what he's feeling. Withholding information won't do them any good right now.
"Please talk to me Oliver," she says softly, bringing a hand up to his face to cup it in hers, imitating his earlier gesture. "We need to trust and be open with each other if we want this relationship to work."
"I know it's not necessarily fair, and that maybe I shouldn't feel that way, considering the fact that I was the reason we broke up. But you weren't the only one who was hurt Felicity. And I know you were dealing with the pain I had inflicted in the best way you could, but I'm so scared of feeling the way I did again. I don't think I could survive it to be honest."
"Was it the things I said? I'm so sorry, Oliver. I know I said some things that weren't fair that night, and I never should have. Not only was it wrong of me to say that, but it wasn't true either. I was speaking out of pain, and I didn't mean what I said. I'm so sorry I hurt you," she says, caressing his cheek.
"It's not that," he says, although he is glad to know that Felicity didn't believe that he was still the same man he was when he came back from the island.
At Felicity's look of confusion, he takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, before explaining.
"It's just—" he starts to say, before cutting himself off and starting again. "I'm just so scared of how easily it seemed for you to walk away and cut me off completely. You're the love of my life Felicity, I will always believe that. But you leaving without giving me a chance to explain or try to fix things, when I would have been willing to do anything… It just made me believe that maybe you weren't as invested in the relationship as I was."
When he opens his eyes back up, he sees that Felicity isn't angry, but seems incredibly hurt at what he is saying instead.
"Oliver…" she says, her voice cracking. "I'm so sorry. I can't believe you thought that."
"When you broke up with me, you didn't just end the relationship, you also decided to leave the team and cut all ties with me. It just seemed like it was so easy for you to decide to leave everything we had for the past three years behind."
"Oh Oliver," she says, pressing forward and hugging him tightly. His arms automatically make their way around her waist, and a weight leaves his shoulders.
He's so glad he managed to get this out and actually tell her what he was feeling. And more than anything, he's so happy that she doesn't seem to resent him for feeling that way.
After about a minute of them just hugging each other, Felicity pulls back and brushes the tears that are running down her cheeks, before taking both of his hands back in hers.
"Leaving the team, leaving you… It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life. I was hurt, and I felt that this was what I needed to do in order to get better. But I am so sorry Oliver, and it was wrong of me to do that. And I'm so sorry I let you going on believing that you aren't the love of my life too. I'm so sorry I made it sound easy, because trust me, leaving you is something I never want to do again."
Oliver feels a wave relief and love crash through his body. He pulls on Felicity's hands, dragging her closer to him before pulling her in his arms once again.
Felicity's face settles between his shoulder and his chin, and he feels her nuzzle his neck gently.
After hugging her for a few minutes, he pulls back and looks at her with questioning eyes.
"So, what now?" he asks hopeful, and yet feeling worried about her answer.
They've established that they both hurt each other deeply, and they've established that they still love each other. But what they haven't really said, was whether they were both willing to try again…
"Now? Well now, it's time for me to tell you that I forgive you, Oliver Queen. Because I do. I love you, I trust you, and I can't live without you. And if you think you have it in you to forgive me for hurting you as well, then maybe we could try again and be happy. Because I miss you more than I can put into words, and I don't think I can stand another second of being apart from you," she says with a soft smile, emotion shining in her eyes.
Oliver's breath catches in his throat at her sentence, and he feels his love for her increase tenfold.
"Yeah?" he asks hopefully.
"Yeah," she answers. "And if you wanted to kiss me right now, before bringing me back to our bedroom, I guess I wouldn't be opposed to that either. Because you have no idea how much I've missed doing that."
Oliver laughs softly at her words, before he rushes forward, cups her cheeks in his hands, and kisses her like he's been dreaming of doing since they broke up.
"I think I have some idea…" he whispers against her lips, before kissing her again.
He kisses her with everything that he has, everything that he is. When he feels Felicity tightening her arms around his neck and opening her mouth up to let him in, he feels like the happiest man on earth.
He knows it won't be easy. Every hurt hasn't been cured with one conversation, that's impossible. But still, he knows that these months they spent growing back together have been everything, and will help them moving forward.
They've tasted life apart, they've tasted life as friends, and they both know that it isn't what they want. They both want and need the other, and he is convinced that they have grown from their mistakes. He knows that with time, they will become a stronger couple that they ever were.
Time has brought her back to him, and he intends to keep her forever and live happily ever after.