Be proud of me, I didn't actually wait several months this time! Although that's partly because I didn't bother to actually do much with this one, it's sorta rambly and random, but whatever... enjoy!
Bob didn't like cancelling sessions. He figured his patients needed the time. They benefitted from it, unlike some. Yet someone had allowed the Death Eaters to get hold of a schedule, and now the whole damned troupe had signed themselves up for a talk session about childhoods. Bob didn't think he could push this one off on Valerie, either - she had pointed out which day they were coming and took that day off. Bob was all alone.
Nagini entered the room, followed by a characteristically silent Severus and a very huffy Lucius. Voldemort came in, looking shy and sad, encouraged by Bellatrix, who shot dirty looks over her shoulder at Fenrir every other step. Wormtail scurried in, but unlike last time, he didn't dash to the corner. He sat on the sofa in a rare act of bravery.
In fact, Bob had arranged it so that sitting in the corner was not an option. The chairs were in a circle. He regretted the arrangement slightly when it led to having Fenrir on one side and Lucius on the other, hissing at one another like cats. Very fluffy, very bored cats.
"Alright," Bob began, once everyone was seated with minimal incident. There were very many impending incidents, however, such as Nagini and Severus sharing Wormtail's sofa, but Bob tried to ignore those. "You have come here to discuss your childhoods, particularly "bad" childhoods. You -"
"Que half of you exiting," Nagini broke in. "Bellatrix, Lucius -" Severus shot her a look that said too clearly "Don't leave me here!"
"Only the half-bloods can have bad pasts," Fenrir muttered. "High families -"
"I did have a terrible past!" Bellatrix protested. "We only had one house-elf!"
"I am from a high family!" Voldemort sulked. He had pulled his arms into his robes so only his long, spidery fingers poked out.
"Really, Bella?" Lucius said, "Well, I only had two, and Father refused to purchase my favorite Barbie. He said - he said . . ."
Bellatrix laughed.
"Nagini, sit down," Bob said. "So. Everyone sum up your childhood in one word."
Nagini didn't sit. "Unless you want these two trading 'horror' stories the whole time," she said, gesturing to Bellatrix and Lucius, "I suggest you send them away. Maybe your assistant brought cookies to help lure -?"
"Valerie isn't here," Bob snapped. "Now sit." She did have a point, he thought. But maybe listening to Bellatrix and Lucius was better than actually having to deal . . . no, he couldn't think that way. "Sum up your childhood in one word," he repeated. "Lucius, you're first."
Lucius shot a victorious smile at Bellatrix, but she appeared not to see. "I need more time to think," he announced. "No . . . prince. I was the only Malfoy heir. I was the prince."
"You see?" Nagini mouthed.
"Wormtail?" Bob prompted.
"I had friends," Wormtail said defensively. He refused to elaborate.
Nagini spoke in her native tongue. "I liked to eat fishes and mouses and ratses, but you had to search pretty far to find the good ones; also my cousin ate her sister once."
"That wasn't one word," Severus said.
"How would you know? And there was technically one word in there."
"There isn't any one word that long -"
"I think you're avoiding your turn," Nagini said smugly.
"Fine. Potions."
"That's your entire life, not your childhood," Fenrir interrupted.
"'Discovery of potions' is three words," Severus snapped. "Next."
"Voldemort?" Bob prompted, after Severus' words were met with silence. He thought Bellatrix mouthed 'my Lord' at him menacingly and looked the other way.
"Agony!" Voldemort said, throwing up his arms. "Misery! Woe!"
Fenrir quirked an eyebrow at Bellatrix and murmured, "Always ten steps behind -"
"Shut it," she snapped. Bellatrix turned to glare down anyone who might comment, but Severus was distracted and Nagini was trying to swallow one of her bunny slippers while it was still on her foot. And she was doing a decent job of it.
"Okay… that was three words, actually, but nice try," Bob said, smiling his encouraging smile. "Bellatrix?"
"Toujours pur," she said.
"What is that, French?" Fenrir demanded. "What -"
Bellatrix cleared her throat. "Next." She and Fenrir engaged in a quick staredown. She won.
"I didn't have any house-elves," Fenrir said. "I suppose you all can guess how things went from there."
Did all of them skip preschool? Bob wondered. Should I have defined 'one'? He considered calling Valerie and begging her to come. Well, not begging, just . . . repeated, desperate requests.
"Is there any subject any of you would like to focus on?" Bob asked. Maybe he should call Valerie . . . "Sometimes patients want to discuss forgiveness, or they want to reconnect with . . ."
"Cannibalism," Nagini suggested after swallowing her slipper with an inhuman gulp.
"You aren't a bunny slipper," Severus said.
"And how precisely do you know that?" she said, kneeling on the sofa so as to look down at him. "Always judging on appearances, goodness . . ."
"Alright," Bob said, "So, cannibalism." It wasn't a very appropriate topic. He hoped it wasn't very relevant. "Would anyone - yes, Lucius?"
"Greyback does," the blond said, pointing dramatically at the werewolf.
"Speak for yourself," Fenrir snapped. "I have never eaten another werewolf."
"I have never eaten a snake!" Nagini added. "A real one, at least."
"You've eaten a fake snake?" Severus asked.
She nodded. "Fenrir said I couldn't swallow a rubber snake whole." She smiled widely. "He was wrong."
"So . . . what would you like to discuss about cannibalism, Nagini?" Bob asked.
"Is anyone here a cannibal?" she asked cheerily. Bob sighed, hoping desperately no one would say yes. They were here to discuss childhoods.
Fenrir raised his eyebrows at Bellatrix. She pretended at first not to notice, then glared back. Only when Severus muttered, in what could possibly have been an imitation of Bob himself, "Do the two of you have something you'd like to share?" did Bellatrix growl "That was one time!"
Bob put on his most understanding expression. "What was one time?"
She folded her arms, avoiding Fenrir's gaze and instead trying to gauge Voldemort's reaction. The Dark Lord looked utterly nonplussed.
"Bellatrix?" Bob prodded.
"I was very drunk," Bellatrix said.
Fenrir coughed. "That's true."
"And I threw up most of it the morning after…"
Lucius' grey eyes were flicking rapidly between Bellatrix and Fenrir. He looked paler than usual. "I think I will excuse myself . . ."
"Lucius!" Bob reprimanded. "You must be supportive. Can you not see, Bellatrix here is about to make a confession…"
"I am going to kill you, werewolf," Bellatrix snarled.
"That's not so much a confession as a threat, see," said Severus.
"I already almost died from that ordeal," Fenrir said. "You wanna explain, or should I?"
"I ate human meat!" Bellatrix said, throwing her arms in the air and grinning toothily. Lucius gasped and clapped both hands to his mouth. Wormtail was as always trying to melt into the wall, while Voldemort was trying to scoot his chair away from his best Death Eater.
"We were having a competition," Bellatrix explained. "Who can eat more of the other's cooking. I won."
"Well yes, but whatever you served wasn't food," Fenrir said. "I don't know what exactly it was…"
"Well aren't you one to talk," Bellatrix snapped. "You put a bloody human arm on a plate."
"You ate a bloody human arm?" Voldemort asked weakly. Lucius stumbled to his feet and threw up.
"I won."
"An arm is way better than putting ramen in the oven," Fenrir protested, "and adding wine instead of water. And those powdered scalloped potatoes you set on fire…"
"I still won."
Bob gagged at the smell of vomit. "How do you feel now that you've shared?" he asked. Bellatrix didn't seem to hear him; she was too busy laughing at Lucius. The usual bloody disaster, Bob thought.
"Why don't we try again tomorrow?" he suggested. Valerie couldn't skive off two days in a row, could she? Maybe then they could get to more relevant confessions…
"But it took so much effort to bring them all here this time!" Nagini complained. "Now I can't use microwaves for three whole days…"
"Six," Severus said. "Three for me and three for Fenrir."
"You see what I go through?" Nagini said. "And I have to wear clothes for a whole week…"
Yes, it was a bit pointless . . . ah well. Next chapter, I'll separate the Purebloods and Halfbloods like Nagini suggested, then we can try to get deep and meaningful... I have a few interesting theories for Fenrir's past. So, 'til next time! Remember to review!