Your reviews never fail to blow me away. Thank you.
For those of you worried that I am going to leave this story unfinished, I promise you that, that is not going to happen. I have no intentions on abandoning this story. My life might get hectic and I might have other priorities, but I will finish this story. Just like you all, I have so many stories that I love on this site that are unfinished and it is such a terrible feeling. I wouldn't do that to you all. As of now, I have this story planned out to be about 25 chapters and then an epilogue. There might be more or there might be less, it depends on if I decide to add, combine, or delete some things. But, roughly 25 chapters. And to be honest, once I finish this story, I'm most likely going to start another. I have two story ideas rolling around in my head right now as I type this. I started to create a timeline for both of these stories. One of the stories is a very short like 5 chapter story and the other one is quite lengthy. I haven't started to write either of them and I'm not planning on starting either one of them until I finish this one. But that is just a little heads up on what's to come!
This chapter turned out a lot longer than I intended it to be. I wanted to cut somethings out/move them to the next chapter but I felt as if everything was necessary. So, I apologize for the length. Also, this chapter includes one of the biggest flashback of the entire story. Some of your questions should be answered within that flashback, but not all of them. There are still a few things that I want to build on and create more mystery before the reveal of the truth behind it all. Alright, enough of my rambling lololol.
Six years earlier…
A loud crack of thunder vibrated through the entire house, followed by a flash of lightning. The pitter patter of the rain against the windows and the roof echoed through the house. Apart from the thunderstorm raging outside, it was a quiet Friday night for the Scotts.
Nathan had just plopped down on the couch, a bowl of popcorn placed in front of him. He was flipping through the HBO channels, trying to find the perfect movie for him and Haley to watch.
"I finally got Jamie to sleep." Haley mumbled softly as she made her way into the living room. She had changed out of clothes for the day and into a pair of black sleep shorts and a light blue tank-top. She seated herself next to Nathan and curled herself into his side. Nathan secured his arm around her, holding her to him.
"Why didn't you come get me if he was giving you trouble?" Nathan asked, leaning over to press a kiss to her forehead.
"Oh, it was nothing I couldn't handle. He was just a little fussy. I don't think he's a fan of thunderstorms." Haley concluded.
"Yeah, well, what one year old is a fan of thunderstorms?" Nathan chuckled.
Haley giggled. "Actually, when I was a baby, I loved thunderstorms. According to my mom, the nights that it stormed were the only nights I slept without waking up every three hours."
Nathan shook his head with a small smile on his face. "Why does that not surprise me?"
She sat up, narrowing her eyes at him in a playful manner. "What is that supposed to mean?"
He chuckled at her expression. "You were such a nerd in high school, it just makes sense to me that you would be a weird baby, too."
Haley swatted at his arm, her mouth falling open in mock-shock. "I would hardly say that being able to sleep through thunderstorms would constitute as making me a 'weird' baby."
Nathan shrugged his shoulders, a slight smirk tugging at the corners for his lips. "Maybe not."
She rolled her eyes at him as she laid back into his embrace. "So what movie are we watching tonight?"
"Well, let's see, I saw some chick flick, 'Transformers', some scary movie, 'Transformers', another chick flick, oh and did I mention 'Transformers'?" He answered with a coy smile.
"I think we should watch the chick flick." Haley teased, leaning forward to grab the remote.
"Haley…" Nathan began to whine. "We watched a chick flick last weekend."
Haley laughed at the pout that was adorning her husband's face. She could already see Jamie forming that same pout. Like father, like son. "Oh, honey, but you made me watch those James Bond movies two weeks in a row prior to last week. I think it's only fair."
For the last few months, watching movies had become a Friday night tradition for them. They both were only twenty three but the thought of going out and partying just didn't seem exciting to them anymore. They did enough of that during their early college years and with a little baby to take care of now, spending Friday nights curled up on the couch sounded like heaven.
"Yes, but you ended up enjoying those movies. I, however, did not enjoy watching 'The Proposal' or whatever." Nathan continued to whine.
Haley shook her head, laughing. "Fine, we can watch 'Transformers'. But next week, we are watching 'The Notebook' whether you like it or not."
Nathan eagerly reached for the remote and quickly flipped to the channel that the movie was on. "Yeah, okay." He grabbed the bowl of popcorn and settled back into the couch.
Haley focused her attention on the movie in front of her but soon found her mind wandering. 'Transformers' wasn't doing anything to capture her interest. The natural worrier in her was starting to come out. She had a lot to do before Monday morning, the morning of her first day as a teacher. She would be lying if she said she wasn't absolutely terrified. She had spent most of the summer taking extra classes and doing some extensive research but she still didn't feel prepared.
"What's wrong?" Nathan asked, bringing Haley out of her thoughts.
"How did you know something was bothering me?"
Nathan smiled softly before placing the bowl of popcorn back on the table. He situated himself on the couch so that he was facing Haley more. "I could practically hear your thoughts you were worrying so loud. Plus, you suddenly got all tense. That's sign number one that you're worried about something."
Haley let out a breath of air. "I was just thinking about Monday."
"You're still worried about that?"
She nodded. "What if my students don't like me? What if I'm a terrible teacher? What if I get up in front of the class and make a complete full of myself? These are high school kids, they can practically smell fear and they'll use it to their advantage."
Nathan let out a short chuckle before reaching to grab her hand, interlacing his fingers with hers and giving them a comforting squeeze. "And what if you're a fantastic teacher and all your students love you?"
"But what if they don't?"
"You're being too hard on yourself, Hales. You've put so much time and effort into this, there is now way you aren't ready. And yeah, I'm sure the first day will be a little rough but that's to be expected. I'm sure even experienced teachers have rough first days. But, I know everything is going to work out fine because I believe in you and you just have to believe in yourself." Nathan said with sincerity, his thumb brushing over Haley's knuckles in a soothing manner.
Haley smiled softly at him, her heart swelling at his words. "How is it that you always know just the right things to say?"
Nathan shrugged nonchalantly. "I guess you could say it's all part of what makes me so awesome."
She rolled her eyes but the smile never left her face. "What about you? Aren't you nervous for Monday?"
He shook his head. "I don't get nervous, Haley."
"Yes, I know. But you're going to be coaching the Ravens. Whitey practically handed the team of to you. You're like his protégé or something. That's some pretty heady stuff." Haley pointed out.
"It's definitely intimidating but Whitey wouldn't have given me the job if he didn't think I was right for it. He obviously believes in me so I know that is reason enough to believe in myself." Nathan answered.
Haley leaned over to press a kiss against his cheek before snuggling back into his side. There was a look in his eyes that brought tears to her own eyes. She knew that look, she knew that look well. "You still miss it, don't you?"
A sad smiled graced his lips. "Every day."
She could physically hear her heart break at the sadness in his voice. "Nathan, I really think you should look into playing again."
He shook his head. "It too much of a risk."
"But, it's your dream. You were born to play basketball."
He squeezed her hand again. "Hales, one wrong move and my knee is done for. My health and my wellbeing trumps my desire to play. I need to be healthy for you and for Jamie."
Haley sighed heavily. "I just want you to be happy. I don't want you to look back and regret not taking more chances."
He placed his finger delicately underneath her chin and tilted her head up so that she was looking right at him. "I am happy, baby. I have you and Jamie, that's all I could ever want or need." He took a slight pause before continuing, "Besides, basketball is still a part of my life and it always will be."
She sat just enough so that she could press her lips against his a soft kiss. After a few seconds, she pulled away and whispered, "I love you."
"I love you, too."
They spent the next twenty or so minutes in silence as the movie continued to play on. Haley found it harder and harder to keep her eyes open with every passing minute. The feeling of being so tightly wrapped in her husband's arms and the soothing sound of the rain pattering against the roof was quickly lulling her to sleep. She was just on the brink of sleep when the sharp sound of their doorbell ringing echoed through the house.
Her eyes popped open and she looked up at Nathan who was looking back at her. His forehead was wrinkled in confusion. "It's almost 10:30…who could possibly be ringing the doorbell this late?" She asked, her voice weak with fatigue.
Nathan shrugged. "I'm not sure. But, I'll get it. You looked like you were about to nod off."
Haley immediately felt the loss of Nathan's body when he wiggled his way off the couch. She reached for the blanket that was draped over the back of the couch and covered her body with it. There was slight apprehension bubbling up inside of her as she waited for Nathan to return from the door, or to at least call out to her to tell her who it was. She couldn't think of a single person who would be visiting them this late at night. If it were any of their friends or family, they would have called first.
A sufficient amount of time had passed and Nathan still hadn't returned. It was eerily quiet, as well. She tossed the blanket off of her body, stood up from the couch and cautiously walked towards the front door. She was met with a cool breeze that caused her to shiver as she walked around the corner. She wrapped her arms around herself and walked further until she noticed Nathan standing in the doorway. From where Haley was standing, she could tell Nathan's body was tense, frozen.
"Nathan?" She called out. "Is everything okay?" When she received no response, she stepped closer to him. "Nathan?"
A few more minutes passed before Nathan finally turned around and Haley audibly gasped when she saw his face. He looked white as a ghost and she could visibly see his body trembling. It was then she noticed the slip of white paper tightly clutched in between his two hands. Before she realized what was happening, her feet were carrying her over to him. Without saying anything, he showed her the note and her blood ran cold.
Now you'll know how it feels to lose everything that you love – IB
"Nathan, this is another one of those notes." Haley choked out. She felt her throat close up and every part of her body felt numb. The pounding of her heart was loud in her ears.
He just nodded, swallowing hard.
Over the course of the last year, they've gotten a total of four different notes written on the same white, ripped paper. Albeit, the other notes had been stuffed in their mail box, unsigned and weren't as threatening. They were written in the same chicken scratch and said things like "I hope you're happy", "I still remember what you did", "I hope you know the pain you've caused", and "I'll never forget." Nathan had reported these notes to the police but there wasn't anything they could do. No finger prints could be found on the pieces of paper and no neighbors reported any suspicious activity.
This was the first note they've received in six months.
"IB?" Haley asked, taking the note out of Nathan's hand. She ran her fingers over the black ink.
Nathan just stared blankly at nothing in particular. Every nerve in his body was fizzled and his hands were tightly clutched into fists. "IB…Ian Banks."
As soon as that horrid name left Nathan's mouth, the loud sound of glass shattering made them both jump. Seconds later, the shrill sound of their alarm system came barreling through the house. Nathan and Haley both looked at each other before gasping out Jamie's name and taking off running down the hall. They came to a screeching halt in front of Jamie's bedroom door. Nathan wasted no time swinging the door open and running into Jamie's room, Haley hot on heels.
He looked into Jamie's crib only to find it empty.
"Jamie's not in his crib." Nathan cried out, the panic rising to exceptional levels. His heart was pounding rapidly and he felt faint. This couldn't be happening. His chest was heaving, his lungs felt like there were being squeezed. He couldn't breathe.
With a shaky hand, Haley pointed towards the shattered window leading into Jamie's room. Shards of glass littered the grey carpet and glittered in the moonlight. The blue curtain whipped violently in the wind, the flapping sound loud in their ears. Haley felt as if someone had physically reached into her chest and ripped out her heart. Her legs gave out and she fell to the ground, the sobs tearing from her throat. She could vaguely hear Nathan run out of Jamie's room, shouting for him. She wanted to move, to search every possible place that Jamie could be…but she physically couldn't.
Long moments later, Nathan returned. He collapsed on to his knees next to her, his own sobs filling the room. "I-I saw them drive away. They had, they had Jamie." He choked out. Those words left a sour taste in his mouth. There was an unbearable pain in his chest and with the look that was on Haley's face, he knew that she felt the same pain that he did.
Pain. Disbelief. Bewilderment. Confusion.
How had a quiet night in end up becoming one of the worst nights of their lives with in a blink of an eye?
~x~
Nathan felt empty. The tears hadn't stopped falling from his eyes and he was in a constant state of anxiety. He wanted to die. Never in his life had he ever felt such an immense urge for the ground to swallow him up and end his misery. There were two things that just kept playing over and over again in his head- looking down into Jamie's crib only to find it empty and seeing that car drive away with Jamie in it. That was when his world had turned completely upside down. The pain…it was too much to handle. It consumed him. Every part of him. He never knew a pain like this could exist.
Who could so something like this?
Actually, Nathan knew exactly who was capable of something like this. Ian Banks. That bastard. He should have known that he was the one sending them those strange notes. Everything made so much more sense now. Ian had a vendetta against Nathan ever since their senior year of high school when Nathan ended his basketball career. Nathan had pushed Ian through a window, resulting shards of glass to pierce his spinal cord. That wasn't one of Nathan's finer moments, in fact, it was something that he constantly beat himself up over. Something that he wished he could take back on more than one occasion.
But, the past was the past.
But what happened between them didn't warrant what Ian had just done to him and his family. He always knew that Ian Banks was nothing short of being completely insane. God, he wanted to kill him. He wanted…he just wanted Jamie back.
He looked over at Haley and felt his heart break all over again. She was talking to two police officers, her words coming out as desperate sobs. Her face was white, her eyes red and puffy. He wanted nothing more than to hold her in his arms, to comfort her. She needed him just as much as he needed her but he knew he couldn't do that right now. Right now, he needed to make a phone call.
Pushing himself off of the couch, he walked to the back of the house and into his and Haley's bedroom. He shut the door behind him before pulling out his cell phone and the piece of paper Ian had left on their front porch. His eyes traced the black inked words for what felt like the hundredth time and just like the first time he read them, a chill ran down his spine. Taking a deep breath, he flipped over the paper and re-read the second message that was left. The message that he so conveniently hid from Haley.
First, him. Then, her.
Nathan swallowed hard, his body trembling. He wasn't sure if he was trembling from the anger or the fear that was coursing through his veins. He always felt the urge to protect his family but now that feeling was stronger than ever. Ian wasn't going to get away with this. He was going to get Jamie back and he was going to keep Haley safe, no matter what it took.
He reached into his pocket and pulled out him cell phone. He dialed his father's cell phone number and on the second ring, he heard Dan's gruff voice over the line.
"Son, it's almost 1 am and I have to catch a flight in five hours to DC, this better be important."
"Ian took Jamie." Nathan rushed out. Those words sounded hollow coming out of his mouth, almost like they were a lie.
"What?" Dan's voice raised, the shock clearly evident. "What do you mean that Ian took Jamie?"
Nathan informed his dad of all of the events that occurred that night. The farther he got into the story, the harder it was to find his voice. His throat was closing up and the tears fought their way back. This was all too much for him. He prayed that this was just some nightmare, some sick and twisted nightmare.
"Nathan, son, just breathe. Take deep breaths." Dan tried to console him.
"Dad, I-I can't breathe." Nathan choked. "He's got Jamie and he'll come after Haley, I just know it."
"Nathan-"
"He left a note. Haley's next. Dad, I can't, I just, I can't lose them both. I have to get Jamie back. I have to keep Haley safe. I don't know what to do." He knew he was talking a mile a minute but he couldn't stop. The room felt like it was caving in. His chest felt like a giant elephant was stepping on.
"I'll cancel my trip to DC. Call your mom and have her take you to the airport. Get on the first plane to New York. I'll meet you at my office." Dan ordered, his voice firm.
Nathan stopped dead in his tracks. "What? What about Haley?"
"You don't tell her. You pack up your things and leave. I think it would be in your best interest to join my team. You'll have to take a few classes and go through a few training courses but I can accelerate that process." Dan continued on.
"You want me to join the FBI?"
"Yes. This case is going to land in the hands of my team anyway. This isn't the first time Ian has tried something like this with you and we both know he isn't going to stop. This will be the one way to ensure Haley's safety and to get Jamie back." Dan explained. There was a confidence in his voice that brought goosebumps to Nathan's skin.
"I don't know if I can just leave Haley like that, dad." Nathan mumbled.
"Are you positive that Ian is going to go after her next?"
"Yes. He's not going to stop."
Dan sighed and paused slightly before continuing. "I know this isn't going to be easy, but I think it's something that you need to consider. You're the best witness when it comes to Ian. Joining the FBI will allow you more access to finding Jamie. It'll be like you have the front row seat in the case. Plus, if you join my team, I can classify Haley's files. I can hide your marriage and her location. Ian can still find her by her maiden name, but do you really think he's going to want to hurt her if he thinks you don't care about her anymore? It's not something that has to be permanent, just until we find a way to lock him up."
Nathan let his father's words sink in. He did have a point. Ian only wanted Haley because Haley meant something to Nathan. He wouldn't hurt her if she meant nothing to him, would he? But could he really leave Haley? Walking away from her, now or ever, sounded impossible. What would all of this mean for their marriage? She would probably end up hating him…but he had to keep her safe. He wouldn't be able to live with himself if something bad ever happened to her, especially if he was the cause.
"I'll do anything to keep my family safe."
~x~
Two Weeks. Fourteen days. 336 hours.
That's how much time has passed since Nathan revealed to Haley that their son was still alive. That's also how long it's been since he was shot in the side and held hostage in his old basement for a reason that is still unknown. It's been that long yet everything still seemed so fresh in his mind, almost like it had happened hours ago, not days.
The image of seeing Jamie sitting on that twin sized bed, a small basketball in his hand, and his blue eyes staring back at him was forever engrained into Nathan's mind. From the moment that Nathan laid eyes on that little boy, he just knew it was his son. Call it father's intuition, call it crazy…but he just knew. Everything about that moment was surreal. Never once did he let himself believe that Jamie wasn't alive, but he did have his moments of doubt.
He hadn't told his father yet. In fact, the only person he told was Haley. The only thing he vividly remembered about his first day in the hospital was opening his eyes, seeing Haley sitting at his bedside, telling her that he found Jamie, and then passing out again. That was the last time it was mentioned between the two of them. Granted, for about a week he was in and out of consciousness, which wouldn't have warranted for a good time for them to talk. Once he was released out of the hospital, she would come into his room to check on him from time to time but she seemed…tense. It was like she wasn't sure what to do with the information that he told her, which he didn't blame her, because he felt the same way.
"Hey little brother, how you feeling?"
Nathan looked up from his phone to see Lucas walking into his room. "Okay, I guess. I'm not in pain anymore but Haley insists that I stay in bed."
Lucas chuckled as he took a seat at Nathan's desk. "You know Haley, she obeys doctor's orders like they've come straight from the Bible."
A small smile graced Nathan's lips. "Yeah, I know."
Lucas took a deep breath before shifting nervously in his seat. There was a reason that he came in Nathan's room and it wasn't just to check up on him. He needed to ask him something, something that had been plaguing his mind since the moment he witness Nathan and Haley reunite. "Nate, can I ask you something?"
Nathan nodded his head.
"You're still in love with her, aren't you?" Lucas already knew the answer to that question but he still needed to hear Nathan admit it.
"I would say that's pretty obvious." Nathan mumbled.
Lucas ran his fingers through his hair before he leaned forward in his chair. His elbows were resting on his knees and his hands were clasped together. "Look, I'm only telling you this because you're my brother and I can't stand to see you hurting like this but, she's still in love with you."
Nathan felt his heart begin to hammer in his chest. He swallowed thickly. "She tell you that?"
Lucas shook his head. "No, but I know Haley. She put up these gigantic walls because she's hurt and because she's scared. But I still see that look in her eye. That look has ever left her eye. Not once in all these years." Lucas took a pause before continuing, "I saw the way she was when she found out you were missing or when she saw you on that stretcher. I saw the way she wouldn't leave your bedside at the hospital. She still loves you, she just doesn't want to admit it."
"Luke, I don't-"
Lucas shook his head to signal that he wasn't done yet. "I think part of the reason she is so cold towards you is because she believes she's supposed to hate you for leaving and she doesn't."
Nathan let out a breath of air that he didn't realize he was holding. He couldn't describe the feelings that were coursing through him. There was a sense of happiness and hope that felt almost foreign to him. He could see the sincerity in Lucas' eyes and he knew that his brother would never lie to him, especially when it came to Haley. "I left to keep her safe, Luke. I left for a good reason."
"She knows that now but she didn't back when it happened." Lucas pointed out. He stood up from his chair and placed his hands on his hips. "She spent the last six years believing that you just abandoned her. And to be honest, Nate, while I do see where you were coming from, you could have gone about it a completely different way. I mean, for God sakes, you left the night that your son was abducted. After the worst night of her life, the worst night of both of your lives, she needed you by her side. But, instead she was left with an empty bed. You didn't even leave a note."
Nathan buried his hands in his hair, tugging on the ends in a frustrated manner. He felt like his body was being pulled in every direction, his breathing labored. "I just freaked, okay?" He yelled out in frustration. "I didn't know what else to do. Ian took Jamie and I just lost it. I knew he wasn't going to stop. He was going to take everything from me until I was completely miserable. He was going to keep coming after me until I had nothing left. I already lost Jamie, I couldn't lose Haley, too. When I called my dad that night, he suggested that I join the FBI to finally bring Ian down and to keep Haley safe. It seemed like the perfect plan."
"Why didn't you tell Haley what your plan was? Why did you leave without saying anything?" Lucas interrogated. This was the first time that Nathan had ever opened up about why he left or what happened that night. The pain was clear in Nathan's eyes and it broke Lucas' heart.
"Because, at the time, I couldn't." Nathan admitted. "As long as Ian knew that Haley meant something to me, he wasn't going to stop until she was taken from me. I figured that if I left without as much as a note, it would prove that Haley didn't mean anything to me and Ian would back off. Clearly, that didn't work. I know I was stupid, I know that whole idea was stupid but I was desperate. I knew there was a chance that Haley would hate me, but I didn't care as long as she was safe."
"Have you told Haley any of this?"
"I tried but she doesn't want to listen." Nathan sighed. "God, I wish that I could take it all back. I wish I could take back all the pain that I've caused us and that I've caused her. These last six years without her have been the worst years of my life. I wish there was something I could say or do that could make this all better."
Nathan was broken. That is what Lucas gathered from everything that came out of his mouth. He was just a man who wanted to keep his family safe. Lucas let out a deep sigh before speaking. "You need to tell her everything that you just told me. You need to find a way to make her listen to you. And then you have to give her some time. This is going to be a lot for her to take in. She needs time to process everything. As for something you could do, you need to fight for her, Nate. Fight until you don't have anything left."
"I plan on it." Nathan said with conviction, meeting his brother's gaze.
Lucas smiled genuinely at Nathan. "Everything is going to work out. I truly believe that." When Nathan only smiled weakly, Lucas began to walk out of Nathan's room. Haley was next on his list of people he needed to have a talk with today. Well, actually, it wasn't really a list because Nathan and Haley were the only two names on it.
"Lucas, wait, I need to tell you something." Nathan found himself saying. His heart was in his throat. "It's about Jamie."
~x~
"You need to let him in, Hales." Lucas said as he made his entrance into Haley's room. She was laying on her stomach on her bed, looking through a photo album. That was something that he had caught her doing a lot recently. For the longest time, Haley refused to look at photo albums. She claimed that it caused her too much pain, so to see it become a daily routine for her was jarring.
Haley looked up from the photo album and chills ran down her spine at the serious expression on her best friend's face. She slowly closed the album before tossing it to the side. She readjusted her body so that she was sitting cross-legged on the bed. "I know." She whispered, looking down as if her nails were the most interesting thing in the world. "I'm just-"
"Scared?" Lucas finished for her.
Haley nodded sheepishly, looking up to meet Lucas' eyes. "The whole time we were sitting in that car, waiting to see if Nathan was there or if he was safe, I kept promising myself that if he made it out alive, I would let him in. And I want to, God I want to…I'm just so scared."
"You have every right to be scared," Lucas began as he walked over to her bed. He took a seat next to her and angled his body so that he was facing her. "But, the reason you're scared is because you don't know the whole truth."
"Do you know the whole truth?" Haley asked timidly.
Lucas sighed before reaching to grab her hand. "I'm not sure if I know the whole truth but I do know some of it." He could visibly see the internal battle Haley was having with herself. The changing emotions were evident in her eyes. "Haley, do you remember what you said to me when you called me on the one year anniversary of Jamie and Nathan's disappearance?"
She took a few seconds to recall the memory. Within seconds, it all came back to her. That was one of the only nights she actually drank herself into a drunken stupor, finishing an entire bottle of wine by herself. The memory of how exactly she ended up on the phone with Lucas was hazy but their conversation was anything but. "I told you that I just wanted him to come back. I told you that I didn't care what he's reasoning was, I just wanted him back."
Lucas reached up to brush away the single tear that was cascading down her cheek. "He came back, Hales. He's here now. That has to mean something."
"It does." She admitted. "It means everything. I guess I was just too focused on the anger and hurt that I felt than anything else. It was easier to feel that way then to let him in. It was easier to protect myself. He couldn't hurt me again if I didn't give him the chance."
"Talk to him. Let him explain."
After a few minutes of thinking it over, Haley finally conceded. "Okay."
Lucas smiled softly at her before turning serious once again. "There's something else that I want to talk to you about and it's okay if you don't want to talk about it."
Haley tensed. She knew this conversation was coming. "I'm assuming Nathan must have told you about Jamie."
Lucas nodded. "Yeah, he did. I'm in complete shock." And he was. He wasn't sure what Nathan had to tell him but as soon as the words "Jamie is alive" came out of his mouth, Lucas' heart stopped. He wasn't afraid to admit that he cried. He could still vibrantly remember the way it felt to hear that Jamie had been kidnapped. That was his Godson, after all. The Godson that he promised his brother and his best friend that he would protect. "How are you dealing with that information?"
"I'm not sure." Haley admitted. If she were honest, she had been avoiding thinking about it. She wasn't sure what to think or what to even make of that information. "It doesn't seem real. I never once let myself believe that he wasn't alive. I couldn't think like that. That would've killed me. But, I also never thought I would see him again."
Lucas nodded in understanding, tears shining in his eyes."Jamie's alive, Hales. Your son is alive."
~x~
It was another sleepless night for Haley. For the last two weeks, Haley found herself staring at the ceiling during all hours of the night. At some point, her body would get tired enough and fall asleep but it wasn't an easy process. She just couldn't seem to shut her mind off. She was worried about Nathan. She was worried about Jamie. She was just constantly worrying.
Tonight, all of her thoughts were centered on the conversation that she had with Lucas earlier in the day. He was right-she needed to let Nathan in, but she already knew that. She had made a promise to herself in the SUV that day that she intended on keeping. The thought of losing Nathan for good was enough to shatter the walls around her heart but that didn't mean she wasn't still scared out of her mind.
Then there was everything with Jamie. She still couldn't wrap her head around the fact that he was alive. There was finally a chance that she was going to get him back. She had spent countless night of her life dreaming about holding Jamie again, playing with him…being his mom. She never completely lost hope but her hope had lessened over the years. At this point, she didn't care that she had missed parts of his life. Being able to live the rest of her life with him was better than nothing, in her opinion.
Being able to have her family back, regardless of how much time had passed, was better than nothing.
After, what felt like the hundredth time of turning over in her bed, she finally gave up. Throwing the blanket off of her body, she began the journey towards Nathan's room. They hadn't really talked much in the last two weeks and they desperately needed to. The faint noise of the TV from the living room could be heard as she made her way down the hall. Lucas and Brooke were either still up or had fallen asleep with the TV on again. They had been staying at the hotel for the last two weeks, mostly to help with Nathan and to comfort Haley. Clay and Peyton's bed room doors were completely shut.
When she arrived in front of Nathan's door, she found it to be cracked open. She paused, her heart pounding loudly in her chest. You need to do this, she kept reminded herself. She took a deep breath before forcing herself to push the door open even further. She was met by darkness, except for the moonlight that was shining through the furthest window from her. Her eyes traced over the silhouette of Nathan's body that was laying on the bed. His bare back was facing her. She wasn't sure if he was sleeping or not and she silently prayed that he was still awake. There was no telling if she was ever going to find this kind of courage again.
Her heart pounded even louder in her chest.
"Nathan, are you awake?"
The soft whisper of Haley's voice had Nathan's eyes popping open. He glanced at the alarm clock on his bedside table and saw that it was almost three in the morning. He wasn't anywhere near being asleep but it wasn't for a lack of trying. He turned over in his bed to see her standing timidly in the doorway of his room. The moon gave him enough light to see that her arms where wrapped around herself and her bottom lip was wedged between her teeth.
"Yeah." He answered while sitting up. He was panicking slightly, unsure of why Haley would need to come into his room at such a late hour in the night. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, uh, I was wondering if maybe we could talk." She asked shyly. She silently cursed herself for the way her voice sounded so shaky. It was just Nathan. "I know it's late and if you're tired then we don't have to. But, I feel like it's long overdue and I can't sleep-"
"You're rambling, Haley." Nathan let out a short chuckle, the panic immediately melting away.
Haley felt her cheeks heat up and she silently thanked God that they were currently in the dark. "Uh, yeah, I guess that part of me hasn't changed."
Nathan couldn't fight the smile even if he tried. The tension was still there between them but he couldn't help but notice that something felt different. He wasn't sure what the difference was but he knew that he liked. The cold attitude she normally gave him wasn't there anymore. Instead, he found an openness, a more welcoming vibe. "Um, yeah, I suppose we do have a lot to talk about."
Haley hesitantly walked towards his bed. She paused when she reached the edge of it. She debated with herself for a few seconds over if she sit down or not before deciding that she was being ridiculous. Crawling on to his bed, she sat cross legged, facing him. She was a few feet away from him, enough so that she was comfortable but not enough to make it awkward. Her eyes immediately fell to his naked chest that seemed to be even more enticing in the light gray moonlight. Those were definitely not the kind of thoughts she needed to be having right now.
Haley cleared her throat, shook her head, and forced her eyes away from him before deciding to speak. "I want you to be honest with me, Nathan. That's the only way that any of this is going to work. I want to know why you left. I want to know why you've kept so much from me. I want to know everything."
She wasn't sure why those words were so hard for her to say. Maybe it was because she knew that the conversation that they were going to be partaking in was one full of vulnerability. Haley was finally letting him in. She was finally making an effort to keep the walls she built down. It was absolutely terrifying yet so gratifying at the same time.
Nathan's heartbeat reached exponential levels at her words. She looked sincere, like she was ready to listen."I'll tell you anything that you want to know."
She began to nervously wring her fingers together. Butterflies erupted in her stomach at the intense feel of Nathan looking at her. It's like his eyes were burning holes into her skin. Taking a deep breath in hopes to calm her rapidly beating heart, she lifted her head to meet his gaze. She audibly gasped at the look that was in his eyes. It was then that she knew whatever came out of his mouth was going to be nothing but the one hundred percent truth.
Here goes nothing.
"I want to know why you left. I know you said that you left to keep me safe but why did you leave without saying goodbye? Why did you leave that night?" Haley could feel her throat close up as she choked out those questions. She knew that this was going to be hard but she didn't think it was going to be this hard. He hadn't even answered them yet and she was already reeling.
"Do you remember that note that we found on our front porch the night Jamie was abducted?" Nathan asked softly. When she nodded, he continued on. "There was two messages left on that note. The back of that note said 'First him, then her'"
Haley gulped. The goosebumps were high on her skin. She brought her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs. She felt a moment of anger surge through her at his admission, anger at him for not telling her about the second part of the note. But, she forced herself to let it go. This was about letting him explain and forgiveness, not more anger.
"It was then that I knew Ian wasn't going to stop. You saw the way he always tried to purposely hurt me whenever we played against Pontiac. You saw the way he incessantly threatened me after I injured him. I always knew he was insane but for him to go as far as taking Jamie, I then knew he was psychotic. Seeing that note…it well, it freaked me out. So, I called my dad." Nathan explained.
"So, that's where you disappeared to?" Haley asked. She remembered seeing Nathan perched on the couch in their living room one minute and then next time she looked, he was gone. It wasn't until almost all of the police were gone before she saw him again.
Nathan nodded. "I told him everything that happened and he suggested that I join the FBI with him. At first, I didn't want to do it. I couldn't imagine leaving you, ever, especially after the tragedy we were just faced with. But, I felt like I didn't have a choice. Ian knew that you and Jamie meant as much as to me as basketball meant to him. It was then that my dad made a good point. He said that if I left as if you meant nothing to me, Ian wouldn't see it fit to hurt you anymore.
"Plus, with me joining the FBI, I could help with bringing Ian down along with keeping an eye on you. At the time, it seemed like the perfect plan. My dad said he could classify our files, hide our marriage basically. It would be harder for Ian to find you that way and if he did find you, it would seem as if our marriage was over. Later, I found out that Ian had connections within the FBI, that's why things needed to be classified. So, that night, I did the hardest thing I ever had to do…I left."
Haley closed her eyes, a few tears escaping from between her eyelashes. "Why didn't you tell me your plan?"
The broken sound of her voice had Nathan leaning forward to grab Haley's hand. He flinched when she jumped at the contact. "I didn't tell you because I couldn't, for two reasons. First, I was joining the FBI on a strictly confidential basis. That means, while I was actually an agent working on other cases, I was secretly working on another case."
She slowly opened her eyes but kept them trained on their joined hands. "What other case?"
"Finding Jamie." Nathan answered quickly. "This entire time, my dad and I, along with Mouth have been working on finding Jamie. Clay, Peyton and the rest of the agents had no idea. They still don't have a clue. That's also the reason I never told them I was married."
"Oh, wow." Haley muttered. This was all just so much. "Wh-what was the second reason you left without a word?"
"Perfecting the mirage that you meant nothing to me. If I left a note or something like that, it would have meant that I cared. I couldn't risk Ian finding out about something like that."
Haley sat in silence as she took in everything that Nathan said. He really was just trying to do what he thought was best in order to keep her safe. Could she really be angry at him for that? This was all too much for her to handle. She felt like her head was spinning as the tears continuously poured from her eyes. It wasn't until she felt Nathan squeezing her hand that she looked up at him again. She swallowed hard when she saw tears shining in his own eyes.
"I wish I could take it all back, Haley. I wish I could go back and do things differently but life doesn't work that way. There are no words to explain just how sorry I am. I'm sorry for leaving you. I'm sorry for making you think that I don't love you or that I don't want to be your husband. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm just sorry." He cried, his grip on Haley's hand only increasing. The conviction in his voice brought chills down his spine.
Tears were falling effortlessly from his blue eyes but there was no mistaking the sincerity mixed in with the regret. Haley reached up to cup his cheek, the pad of her thumb delicately brushing away the tears. "Tell me about Jamie." She was desperate to change the subject. It wasn't because she didn't believe his apology or that she didn't want to hear it. In fact, it was the complete opposite. It was all so emotionally draining.
A sad smile spread across Nathan's face as he leaned into Haley's touch. He brought his free hand up to cover the one that was touching his face. "He's beautiful, Hales. He's the perfection combination of the both of us. He has my eyes but he has your nose. He's got your blonde hair but my smile. He smiled at me, Hales. He smiled at me like he knew who I was."
Haley dropped her hand from his face to cover her mouth to suppress the sob that was bubbling up her throat. Hearing about Jamie caused her emotions to run even wilder. Her tears were a mixture of sadness and happiness. Sadness because she wanted nothing more than to be with him again, to be a family again. Happiness because he was alive. "Do-do you think we'll ever get him back?"
Nathan scooted closer to her and pulled her tightly into his arms. His hands soothingly ran up and down her back as he leaned to press a kiss to her forehead. "I know we will."
Haley welcomed his embrace. She snuggled closer to him as he laid them back into the bed. Her tears seemed to subside and all of the tension in her body seemed to melt away as soon as Nathan wrapped his arms around her. Despite the craziness that was her life, she felt safe. That's what being in Nathan's arms always did to her. She finally understood why he decided to leave. Of course, she still wasn't happy about it. There were so many things that he could have done instead. But she couldn't fault him, not anymore.
Eventually, she felt sleep come over her. It was in that state that she allowed her heart to whisper the one thing she kept denying; I love you, Nathan Scott. Always have, always will.