Chapter Eleven: -Dave Matthews Band "Let You Down"

I let you down, oh, forgive me
You give me love
Let me walk with you, maybe I could say
Maybe talk with you, open up
And let me through
Don't walk away

Lucia stepped back to move from the stall when a piece of glass hit the floor. They both froze and Olivia looked down.

"A pipe?" Olivia grabbed Lucia's hands, trying to pry them open, noticing they were fisted.

"No, Olivia... Please," her seductive manner gone, now begging for understanding.

"Open your hands." The brunette demanded. "Open your hands, right now." She clawed at them and the little bag of white crystals dropped from the shorter woman's fingers. Lucia tried to throw her weight at the detective to stop her from reaching for the bag but Olivia pushed past her and picked up the two items off the floor.

She held the pipe up to Lucia's face. She went to reach for it with tears streaming but Olivia slapped her hand away. "What is this?" She knew, she wanted her to say it. "What the hell is this?"

"Please give it back," she cried, hanging her head.

"I could arrest you right now for this," Olivia spoke in an angry whisper.

Lucia looked away and leaned against the wall. She was clearly dizzy from the drugs and the hysterical crying.

"How much did you use?" Olivia spit out. Lucia didn't answer; she crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Dammit!" Olivia slammed her fist against the wall.

She turned and walked out of the stall, buttoned her top buttons and stormed out of the bathroom. Grabbing her jacket and dropping a five dollar bill on the table, Olivia rushed out of the cafe.

"Jesus Christ, what is going on with me?" She shook her head and hailed a cab. "What the fuck am I doing?" She noticed her hand shaking as she waved it. A yellow cab pulled up and she pulled the door open.

"Olivia!" Lucia ran through the cafe door and stopped when she saw the cab. Olivia just looked at her and slammed the door. She didn't want to hear anything else this girl had to say. Olivia was clearly a mess. She felt ashamed and disgusting; used and deceitful. How could something so innocent turn so wrong, so fast? She just didn't understand.

"Liv, can you come here a minute?" The captain asked as she walked into the precinct. Her nerves flared up. Had Lucia called the captain? She didn't want this case anymore. "Close the door."

"What is it?" She asked, hoping he'd say that things were fine but that was a rare moment.

"It's Alex," he started. Her heart skipped a beat.

"She has a really heavy case going on with this cartel thing. Valez is really pissed off and I think she better be careful. The DA already told her to back off but she isn't. Now, I know you and Stabler don't want to give up on it either but I need all you guys to work together and I need you to be safe about it. Now that IAB is involved things are only going to get worse. I know you and Cabot are close so, l just want you to be aware." Close.. Olivia thought. We couldn't be more far away right now.

"Okay," Olivia nodded.

"She's been getting in a few fights lately with the IAB and with her own department, so don't be surprised if she brings her aggression here too," he warned.

"Trust me, I won't," the detective rolled her eyes, knowing Alex's wrath all too much.

"Liv? Is everything okay with you lately?" He asked sincerely.

"Yeah," she smiled. "Nothing I can't handle," she lied.

"If you need anything, just let me know," he offered.

"Of course."

"Goodnight Liv," Munch said, putting his hat on and grabbing his briefcase.

"Night, John," Olivia smiled up from her computer and leaned back in her chair. The office was now empty and she could breathe for a moment.

Titling back in her chair, she stared at the ceiling. Moments with Lucia played terribly in her head repeatedly. Slapping her hands over her face, the brunette rubbed her eyes until they were sore.

"God damn, son of a bitch," she growled out loud to no one.

"Mouth like a sailor," came an unexpected answer. She snapped her head forward to see Alex standing in the doorway.

"Hey," She smiled up at the blonde, genuinely happy that it was i her /i and no one else in that door frame.

"Sounds like you've had a day like mine," she said, shuffling over to Olivia's desk. She dropped her bag on the floor and took a seat next to the tired woman.

"I'm sure they weren't far off. Everything that could go wrong... Did." Olivia told her truthfully. "I heard about your tiff with IAB."

"Screw them. What ever happened to justice for all?" She asked. Olivia looked up at her intently.

"Unfortunately that's just not how things work anymore."

"You okay?" She asked, noticing an odd look on her face.

"I think I will be," Olivia half laughed and leaned her elbows on the desk. Alex mirrored.

"Work sucks," she joked.

"Tell me about it," The older woman said, reaching out and pushing the blonde's hair to the side. She was almost afraid to touch Alex, like she would know that those hands had been somewhere else. "Are you coming home tonight?" Olivia's eyes pleaded with the words she couldn't say. She wanted to beg the A.D.A..

"Yeah," she smiled lazily. "I came to pick you up. Let's get some dinner and get the hell outta here."

"Okay," Olivia said relieved. She closed down the computer and picked up her things. "How about Chinese Delivery?"

"How about we go for a walk to the deli down the street, do take out, and hop a cab home? My treat," she offered.

"No, let me pay tonight," there was no way Olivia was going to let Alex pay and treat her so well after the day's events.

"No objection here," she said, picking her bag up and flipping the light switch.

The night was fair and the evening vendors sat outside and smiled at them as they walked by. Light poured out of their little grocery shops and Alex lead the way to the deli. She talked about her day and her plans for the Valez case. She was really into this one. Her brother had died from an overdose so the topic of drug abuse was a sore one.

"I was in the room with Valez and I told him he couldn't cut women's tongues off when they said he sucked in bed," she huffed as she opened the door to the deli. "Then he practically jumped over the table to strangle me. I almost shit my pants!" She exclaimed in all seriousness. Olivia laughed at her.

"A.D.A. Cabot shitting her pants?" The brunette joked. "Now there's a headline for the New Yorker."

"Shut up," she smiled, knocking the taller woman's elbow. She turned to the man behind the counter and ordered.

"Go call a cab and I'll meet you out there," she ordered as she took the twenty from Olivia's hand.

"Yes, Boss."

Olivia stood outside and hailed the cab. She looked around, half expecting Lucia to appear magically in her creepy way. Was she really stalking her? Should she have locked her up at Bellevue? She needs a psych-eval. Hell, Olivia felt she needed one at this point.

"Wonderful!" Alex chimed, seeing the yellow cab pull up as her heels hit the concrete. They hopped in and headed to Olivia's place.

Alex lay unconscious at the end of the couch, a half eaten sandwich dangerously close to falling to the floor. Olivia noticed and slipped it away from her, placing it on the coffee table. She wasn't ready for bed and didn't want to put Alex there just yet. Even if she was unconscious, Olivia wanted the blonde near her. She pulled the blanket from the back of the couch and draped it over the sleeping woman. Instinctively Alex rolled over, facing the couch cushions. Her legs stretched out over Olivia's lap and Olivia sat still, resting her hands on the back of Alex's knees.

The detective switched off Court Tv, which Alex made her watch whenever she was over. Olivia flipped through the channels and landed on late night tv. She wasn't watching it though. She turned and faced Alex. The blonde looked so soft and innocent when she was asleep but damn, she was scary when those eyes were open. Olivia wanted to tell her what happened but knew she'd loose any new connection that had formed. She simply couldn't tell. She couldn't tell her because she really did love her. It sounded like it didn't make sense, but it did. She didn't want to cause any problems and she didn't want to hurt Alex. Of course, she shouldn't have gotten involved with Lucia but it's happened. She feel lost. She was starting to think she couldn't keep up with all of this.

"I'm sorry," Olivia whispered softly but Alex only slept.