*chapter 11*

enjoy!

"renesmee calm down its just me. are you ok?" i heard my dad say. i flew into his arms.

"no daddy i smelled a vampire." he sighed.

" i know i could hear his thoughts. why are you out here hunting by yourself anyways?"

"i was going to go with collin but we forgot so i just went now."

"dont do it again ok?" i nodded. "good now go home and get some sleep, ill be back in a few." i nodded once more and ran straight home. when i got there i went straight to bed not even bothering to change. then next couple of months went like that. alice kept having visions about a vampire coming but then it would disappear. so it either had something to do with me or the wolves. and to tell the truth i was kinda of scared out of my mind. me and collin were still going strong, but we either stayed on reservation or my house, just to be cautious. he seem to open up to me more and come almost comeplete out of his shell. i meand dont get me wrong he still had his moments but he wasnt studdering as much as he use to when he got nervous.

but the more months that passed the more i missed jacob. i caught him a couple of times sleep outside my house but other than that i hadnt heard from him or seen him. human tonight me and collin were walking down the beach in la push.

"renesmee ive been thinking." collin said when we sat down in the sand, er,well rocks.

"about what?" he looked out to the water.

"us" i froze was he breaking up with me?

"a-are you breaking up with me?" i asked feelling like i wanted to cry. he turned to look at me.

"what? no! im not breaking up with you!" i breathed.

"oh ok good. so what about us?" he looked down and chuckled nervously.

"i-i know this might be k-kinda forward but... about our future. if there will be one of course." i smiled and scooted closer to him till i could rest my head on his put his his head on top of mine.

" i have too. what do you think about though?"

"just the basic stuff, our wedding, house, kids" i was surprised.

"you want kids?" he chuckled.

" i know what your thinking ' im too young to raise a kid' but i do want one some day."

"no thats not at all what im thinking although that is a valid reason too. its just most men dont want children. because as soon as they find out their woman is pregnant its kinda like 'oh hell no'." he laughed.

"well if i were to find out you were pregnant id probably jump off a cliff with joy."

"yeah... lets not do that ok?" i said patting his knee. we both laughed. "but i find it really interesting that a 14 year old is thinking about children and and marriage.'' he shrugged.

" i know but ive found someone i want to spend my life with so why not start planning early?" i beamed and lifted my head up.

"you'd really want to spend your life with me?" he nodded and i kissed him lovingly on the lips. it lasted a few seconds before i pulled back and smiled again. "i'd love to spend mines with you, but ive got a thing with that waiter." he immediatly looked sad, but when he saw me trying not to smile he pushed me back into the...rocks. i squealed and laughed uncontrollably, as he tickled me.

''that wasnt very nice nessie" i kept laughing.

"o...ok ok! im sorry!" i managed to yell through laughter. he stopped tickling me and i tried to catch my breath. once i did he lowered his lips to mine. once we parted, we rested our foreheads together. " i love you collin." he smiled.

"i love you too." he got up and dusted himself off then reached down to help me up and i did the same thing. we walked back to my car hand in hand. when i got to his house i pecked his lips.

"night baby. see you tommorrow"

"good night nessie.'' he got out and walked into the house and i drove off. when i got home i smelled a werewolf. jacob must be near the house sleeping. i sighed and walked into the house. when i got in my parents were on the couch, and when they heard me come in they smiled at me. i gave them a questionable look an them just turned their attention back to the t.v. i slowly walked upstairs and into my room. when i opened the door i saw jacob sitting on my bed. i gasped when he looked up at me. he looked like a dead man walking. his eyes were blood shot, he actually looked pale and he looked skinnier than a werewolf should.

"oh jacob..." i went over to him cautiously and kneeled down in front of him, keeping my distance though.

" i cant do it anymore..." he said his voice wavering and was no louder than a whisper.

"do what jacob?" he didnt answer me for awhile.

"no matter... how hard i tried to ... hate you... i cant. everytime i tell myself... that i dont need you ... i hurt. i just cant do it anymore..." he started crying. i grabbed him in my arms and i cried. with him.

"then stop trying jake. i miss you so much that it hurts me too. i think about you everyday." his chest was heaving up and down violently, he was crying so hard. i cried harder to and we just sat there holding each other.

"i stopped drinking... awhile ago... it just helped... mask the pain. i cried everyday... and i even fainted once... renesmee it hurts so bad..." he broke out into another sob.

"shhh jacob its ok now. im here. and i want you to stay with me." he kept crying, so i sung to him.

When your heart is free
It's easy to make a decision
When your head is clear
You know you have good judgment
But when your life is turning topsy turvey
And you have no reasons for what's disturbing
Remember these words my father said to me

(Chorus)
He said: Keep your head up don't say you hate him
Walk away from all that is hurting
Find your power you know your strong
Make that step and it will help you along

When your minds at peace
Sleep comes so very peacefully
When you start to dream
There wonderful and so very sweet
But when your life is turning topsy turvey
And you have no answers for what's disturbing
Remember these words a preacher said to me

(Chorus)
He said: Keep your head up don't say you hate him
Walk away from all that is hurting
Find your power you know your strong
(Take that step)
Make that step and it will help you along (2x)

Why give up this time you can't win
(You can't win)
Why give up this battle is within
(Is within)
Why stay alone when he gonna do
Why choose him when its time to choose you

Keep your head up don't say you hate him
Walk away from all that is hurting
Find your power you know your strong
Make that step it will help you along

after i got done singing, he started to calm down. i kissed his head and rubbed his back.

"renesmee im so sorry. i never meant to hurt you i-i-i was just a mess. i lost all my chances at love... but i love you so much, i cant stay away anymore. ill take you as anything, just please..." he trailed off and took a deep breath because his voice was breaking again. "please forgive... i cant spend those months i did alone again." i fet some fresh tears hit my back. i started rubbing his back again.

"ive already forgiven you jacob, along time ago. i couldnt think right without you jake. i miss your warm smile that always made everything better and i miss how things use to be so easy between us. and i missed you so much. i love you so much, so much i can hardly contain it. but as much as i hate to say it, im happy though jake. collin makes me really happy." he sighed.

"dont hate to say it. im glad your happy. as long as your happy and i have you then im happy." i smiled and opened my eyes over his shoulder. but when i did i saw a spider, i detached myself from jacob and screamed. he looked shocked and scared. "whats wrong?" i pointed to the spider. he looked at it and laughed. hearing his laughter warmed my soul and i couldnt help but laugh with him. he got up and stomped on it. i got off the bed and walked over to him. "there its all gone." he said chuckling. i hugged him. " that was the first time ive laughed in months" he said wrapping his arms around me. i didnt really hear what he said. i was to happy he was home.

" i love you jacob." he kissed my head.

"i love you too nessie." i pulled away. and looked at his skinny body.

"when was the last time you ate?" he thought about it.

"about a week ago." i gaped at him.

" a week? you've been starving yourself!" he just shrugged.

"i couldnt function with out you nessie. i was dead to the world." i frowned.

"well i am going to go make you a huge dinner right now." his stomach rumbled in response. i giggled.

" he says thank you." i laughed and pulled him downstairs with me. i decided to make him some lasanga. and a big pan of it. i could feel his eyes on me the whole time while i was cooking. and when it was done i didnt even bother to take it out of the pot i just put it in front of him and handed him a fork, then hopped on his lap.

"i hope you know your going to have to spend every waking moment never being out of my sight for the next 100 hundred years right?" he just laughed.

"i was going to tell you the same thing." i kissed his neck. he took the first bite of his lasanga and it sounded like he moaned. "god, ive missed your cooking." i giggled. i just sat there curled up in his lap while he ate and it was silent. when he finished i rinsed the pot out (yes he ate it all) and then dragged him back up stairs. when we got up there i laid him down and clung to him. he chuckled.

"i take it you missed me alot?" i looked up at him.

'' not alot. i missed you so much it felt like half of me was gone. there isnt a word that describes how much i missed you." he kissed my forehead.

"i know renesmee, it was the same for me but 3x worse. i love you.'' i started drifting off to my favorite sound. his heart beat.

'' i love you too." and i went to sleep the happiest person on earth. when i woke up and realized what happened yesterday i started beaming and couldnt stop. it was only 7 so i danced, yes danced into the batroom. did my morning routine and got into the shower singing. once i got out and got dressed i was still smiling as i went downstairs and started a huge breakfast. as i was cooking my parents came downstairs.

"hello wonderful parents of mine!" i said cheery. i skipped over to them and placed a kiss on both of their cheeks. they both chuckled.

'' and may i ask why your so happy today?" asked my mom as i turned back to the stove .

"oh maybe because my bestfriend is back and im so happy i feel like i could explode!" i started jumping, making the pan i was holding clang against the stove, they both laughed at me.

"well its good to see you this happy again." i heard my dad say and heard them walk away. the eggs were done so put those in a bowl and danced over to take the hash browns out of the oven. and as i was taking the bacon off out of the pan i heard foot steps. i turned around and saw it was jacob. smiled even wider if that were possible.

"jacob! i sang and ran over and jumped on him. he stumbled back but caught his balance. i kissed his nose. "good morning honey." he chuckled and i hopped down and skipped back to the kitchen. i put the last of the bacon on the plate and set it down on the counter where jacob was now sitting. i made him a plate and set it down in front of him as i sat in his lap humming a random tune. he looked down smiling my smile.

"why are you so happy today?" he asked now turning back to his food and eating.

"because my bestfriend is back and i feel like SCREAMING!" i yelled 'screaming' just empasize my point. "oh god im so glad your back!" he swallowed then laughed.