"One more for the road?" Robbie slurred to Stuart, already in the process of trying to catch the barmaid's attention.
"You said that three drinks ago," the younger man retorted, raising an exasperated eyebrow as Robbie threw back the remainder of his pint.
"Hey you've been the one complaining that we never go drinking anymore, and now we're out you want to go home? Ungrateful sod."
"So take it from the drinking binge that love's dream is well and truly over…again."
Robbie ignored him, focussing his glare on the empty bottle in front of him, he was trying to forget everything that was going on and Stuart's teasing was not conductive to that. Stuart merely smirked at his silence, taking that as confirmation and then nodding across the bar told him, "Well look on the bright side, it looks like you might be about to pull."
He raised his eyes at that, meeting the blue eyes of the blonde seated across from them. She was slim, lips set in a pout and definitely not a day over thirty five, she was his perfect type, and yet he didn't feel that spark of excitement in the pitt of stomach, the one he normally got when he realised that an attractive young woman wanted him. Still he felt like he should at least try, this was his life, this was what he did and what he was good at and so he got to his feet, heading over to where she was sitting.
He bought her a drink and listened to what she had to say as her hand stroked up and over his thigh. They moved to one of the sofas and she leaned further and further into his side, her mouth moving to his neck. Robbie shut his eyes, trying to get into it and yet all he could think about was how she wasn't Jackie, how he should be with her right now.
His eyes flickered open again, meeting drunken lust filled blue and he knew instantly that this was a mistake, that he'd come to regret this if he let it go any further. "I have to go," he told Tracy, detangling himself from her embrace and ignoring her look of horrified shock.
"Excuse me?" she echoed, her eyes widening in anger and humiliation as Robbie stumbled away without looking back.
The cold air outside was sobering and his head hurt as he took in a few deep, gasping breaths. He heard the pub door creak open behind him and he prayed to God she hadn't chased after him, looking for an explanation that he couldn't give. She hadn't; it was worse than that, it was Stuart.
"What was that?" Stuart asked, looking at him in bewilderment.
"Just changed my mind," Robbie replied, trying to keep his tone casual.
The younger man laughed, "You never change your mind about women, at least not before you sleep with them."
"Would you just drop it!" Robbie snapped angrily. "I don't want to hear it."
His eyes widened and he looked at Robbie in a mixture of hurt and annoyance. "I'm only trying to make a joke, you know lighten the mood."
"Well don't!" Robbie whirled round to face him and on seeing the shock on Stuart's face felt instantly ashamed of himself. He shook his head. "Think I should just go home."
Stuart rocked on the balls of his feet for a moment before deciding he had nothing to lose and chasing after him yelled, "Robbie! Wait."
The older man turned, sighing tiredly, "What?"
Swallowing heavily, Stuart took in a nervous breath before telling him, "Look I know you probably don't want to hear this but the past month you've seemed pretty happy, you've not turned up hung-over although you still don't seem to have figured out how an alarm clock works," he tried to quip and on getting on response continued, "My point being that if she made you that happy and the fact that it's over has made you this miserable, can't you figure your way around whatever caused the problem?"
Robbie gave a wry smile at that. "Believe me I wish it was that simple. I get you're trying to be helpful, but believe me Stuart you don't want to get stuck in the middle of this." He turned again, staggering drunkenly down the road, his words slurring slightly as he called back over his shoulder, "I'll see you at work tomorrow."
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
He decided to walk home, enjoying the peace and quiet while breathing in the still frigid air. Letting himself into his flat, he threw his keys on the coffee table and headed straight for the cupboard, pulling out a bottle of scotch and drinking straight from the bottle, letting the liquid burn it's trail down his throat.
He turned, heading for the sofa and dropping onto it, frowning and shifting when he felt a soft lump dig into the small of his back. Grabbing hold of it, he yanked it out, his face draining of all colour when he saw it was Jackie's scarf, the thin light blue material fanning across his fingers. Even from here he could smell her perfume off it.
His eyes closing he remembered the last time she wore it, could remember unwinding it from her, baring the pale skin of her neck, his mouth moving to trail up the warm skin he'd exposed. At that he had to stop himself, his fist clenching around the material as he tried to block out the rest of the memories.
It was no use though, he felt as though he'd opened the floodgates and so he took another mouthful of scotch, determined to forget.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
When he woke up the next morning his mouth was bone dry and he felt like he'd licked the carpet. He shifted and realised with dismay that Jackie's scarf was still in his hand and that the ultrasound photo was resting face up on the floor. He'd obviously dug that out at some point last night, although he couldn't remember what his reasoning had been, something he was quite grateful for.
Keeping his eyes averted from the image, because he really couldn't handle looking at it, he picked it up and shoved it into a drawer. He shut it with a thud which caused him to wince painfully as it aggravated the pain in his head. Scrubbing his hand across his unshaven jaw, he looked almost guiltily at the drawer one more time before turning on his heel and headed for the shower.
Tapping her pen off her desk, Jackie tried not to stare at Robbie's empty seat but couldn't seem to stop her eyes from drifting over to look at it. She hadn't seen him since she'd walked away from him at the hospital, and she hadn't heard from him either and both facts just served to worry her all the more.
Finally when she could take no more, she looked over to where Stuart was looking through bank statements relating to their victim. "No sign of Robbie?" she asked casually.
"Not yet," he replied, shaking his head. "And to be honest from the amount of alcohol he put away when we were out last night I wouldn't expect him to be of any real use to us today."
"That bad."
"Yup, think he broke up with the girl he'd been seeing and it seems to have hit him pretty hard."
"Really?"
"Yeah." He looked up and added, "He even turned down a young blonde that was trying to chat him up."
"He did?" Jackie echoed almost hopefully.
Stuart nodded. "Looked like he decided going home and no doubt drinking himself into oblivion was a better decision."
"Oh." She didn't know what to do with that information, because she knew Robbie and she knew that's what he did when things got too much for him, he tried to drink his troubles away. But at least that problem could be fixed, if he'd taken that blonde home with him she knew she wouldn't be able to just forgive and forget.
"Jackie, you wanted a word," Burke's voice broke through the conversation as he strolled towards his office, having just returned from a meeting on the top corridor.
Jackie nodded, getting to her feet, she followed him into the office. He made a tutting noise as he glanced over his shoulder. "Still no Robbie?"
"Not yet," she admitted quietly, knowing she couldn't cover for him this time.
He sighed, muttering, "Can we not just go one year without him going off the rails? Shoots himself in the foot."
Jackie mumbled non-committedly at that, in one way she was inclined to agree, Robbie was a good officer and a good man, but if he cut himself some slack he could be even better. Instead he just seemed to decide that he was already destined to repeat the same mistakes, so why bother.
Burke looked over his DS tiredly, she looked distracted which was definitely unusual but then she'd been slightly under the weather recently, only just seemed to be coming out the other end and getting back to her usual self. "So what can I do for you, Jackie?" He finally asked.
She jumped slightly, having gotten lost in her own thoughts and forgetting why she was even there. "I have some news that I think you need to know."
He nodded, only half paying attention as he flicked through the files sitting on his desk. "What's that?"
"I'm pregnant."
His movements stalled and he blinked a few times before looking up at her in shock, his look of surprise probably on par with one she would have gotten if she'd walked into his office and grew an extra head. "Um…congratulations, this is unexpected." He stared at her, very obviously out of his depth and floundering to find the right words to say at this news. "So when are you due?"
"Beginning of September."
"Right," he nodded, his gaze falling momentarily to her stomach before he got out, "I didn't know you were seeing someone, you'll need to introduce us to him, we'll need to pass on our congratulations and give him the once over." He attempted a light smile.
Jackie tried to smile in return. "It's a bit complicated at the moment."
"Ah." He leaned back in his chair. "Well congratulations all the same."
Her smile returned at that, her hand brushing her stomach. "Thank you…just I was hoping that for the time being we could keep this between us, I don't want it all over the station just yet."
"Fair enough," he replied. "But just so long as you realised that this will put restrictions on your duties."
"I didn't expect anything else," she grinned wryly. "But I wanted to stay on the safe side with this."
"Understandable."
"Well I suppose I should get back to work," Jackie muttered. "Can't stand around here all day."
Burke nodded and watched as she left his office, as the door fell shut he shook his head, eyes wide, just when he thought his officers couldn't surprise them anymore they somehow managed it. He shook his head, God only knew what the next revelation would be.
She watched out of the corner of her eye as Robbie got to his feet and left the office. After a few seconds, when the coast was clear she got to her feet and followed him, unsure as to whether or not this was a good idea. But she couldn't just let him go, she had to speak to him, when he'd came in this morning she'd been slightly shocked by how awful he actually looked. His hair was ruffled, jaw unshaven, skin sallow and his eyes red rimmed and bloodshot. She couldn't just leave it alone, even if it proved to be a fatal mistake.
Pushing the door the fire door that led onto the roof open, she stepped out into the cold mid March breeze, and seeing him standing by the stone wall, called out his name. "Robbie."
He heard his name and turned, and despite not wanting to feel anything, when he looked at her, with her dark hair whipping around her face, he wanted nothing more than to hold her close to him. Instead he forced that feeling down and frowned at her. "What is it?"
"I wanted to talk to you."
"What about?"
She gave a low sigh of annoyance. "About world politics…oh come on Robbie what do you think I want to talk to you about? I want to talk about us, about the baby."
"There isn't anything to say."
"Do you honestly think that going out on the piss is going to make you feel better?"
"It might," he returned sullenly.
She rolled her eyes. "I know about the blonde, Stuart told me."
His shoulders tensed. "Nothing happened," he told her edgily.
"I know, Stuart told me that as well."
"Traitor."
"He's worried about you."
"He should be more worried about himself and what I'm going to do to him when I get my hands on him," Robbie growled.
"Very mature," Jackie muttered. "And believe me," she told him firmly. "I wouldn't be standing here now if I thought something had happened between you and her, some things are just a step too far." She stepped closer to him. "I want you to talk to me," she told him. "I want us to work through this, because I think we can."
"It's better this way," came the stubborn reply.
"What! It's better for me to go through this alone while you drink yourself into an oblivion. It's better for our baby to grow up without their dad, while you watch them grow up from a distance. Because that's what you'll be doing, Robbie, we work together so ignoring this completely just isn't an option, unless of course you're planning to transfer. Have you thought any of this through at all?" she asked incredulously.
His hand went to his aching forehead. "Stop it," he mumbled.
Again she stepped closer to him her eyes meeting his as she slowly looped her arms around his shoulders, leaning forward she kissed him gently, tenderly. "I know you think this is unfixable but I promise you we can make this work, all I need is for you to give it a chance."
His hand stroked her cheek and his voice cracked slightly as he told her again, "I can't, I'll be no good at this, Jacks."
She sighed and stepped back, telling him, "I might be willing to give you time to get your head around this Robbie but even I won't wait forever." Pausing at the door, she looked back over at him again and told him, "The Boss knows about the baby, not about us, but you have to realise that this won't go away Robbie."
With that said, he watched her go, his head thumping as he mulled over her words.