Hey everyone! How's life? Just a quick heads up on this chapter, it started out as past tense, as most of the story does, but for some weird reason nearly half of this chapter just morphed over to present tense and I didn't even realize it until I proofread (which is something I almost never do). Anyways, I don't know what made me just switch it up like that, so I made sure to find any errors and switch it back to past tense, but if I missed something and you find it, well, you know why it was there lol. Anyways, thank you so much for all the reviews! I just looked at my stats on this story and I have over 200 reviews and over 100 likes/favs on this story. How awesome is that?! It's all thanks to you guys who don't mind waiting a few weeks at a time for me to get my ass in gear and write something for you. I really appreciate all the support for this story and I hope you all know that! Anyways, without further ado, here is the story. I hope you all like it!
I clung to him, almost unbelieving that he was here with me. It felt like it had been months since I'd seen him, let alone held him in a tight embrace. He was with me, and that knowledge steadied me unlike anything could have after what I'd been through. He was here, and I knew deep in my heart that nothing was going to hurt me again, not while he was with me. I ignored the stinging in my chest, not wanting to think about all the terrible stuff that had been happening to me lately, all the horrible things I'd foolishly let happen instead of calling Sesshomaru and seeking his help. I thought I'd been protecting everyone I loved, but I know now how inaccurate that was. I'd been harming myself, not opening up to others and the solitude I'd kept myself locked in had nearly killed me, nearly ended my life and any possibility I would have had with Sesshomaru. That I still had, thankfully.
From the way he was clutching me to him and rubbing my back soothingly, I had a feeling he had missed me too. When he whispered into my ear, "I won't leave you again", I knew he had needed me as much as I had needed him. As much as I still needed him, maybe as much as I would always need him. I held him to me tightly, my arms wrapped around his neck, ignoring the way the back of my gown was split open, exposing most of my back and probably the bruises that were spread throughout my skin.
"I missed you so much, Sesshomaru." I had my face nearly buried in his hair, taking care to inhale the soft fragrance of forest, before sighing happily. I had missed that smell, the natural scent of Sesshomaru. After a few more minutes of us just holding one another, the door to the hospital room opened slowly before I heard a squeak of delight and feet shuffling along the tiled floor.
"Oh Rin! I'm so glad you're awake!" Kagome rushed to the side of the bed, practically plucking me out of Sesshomaru's arms and into a fierce hug when I turned from him to smile at her.
"Oomph... Uh, Kagome, I missed you too, but you're putting a lot of pressure on the stab wound."
Kagome nearly threw me away from her as I spoke, no doubt afraid she would rip open the stitches again or something. Speaking of stitches... I pulled the front of my gown, careful to keep my back at Sesshomaru, and my exposed body, looking down the front of my gown and looking at the handiwork of the professionals in the hospital. "Oh wow, that looks like it's been healing for a while. How long have I been asleep?"
"Eight days." Sesshomaru's voice sent a pleasant shiver down my spine and I made sure to lean further into him. I shut my eyes at the warmth of his body before his words sank in and I sat up and looked at both of them.
"Eight days?"
"Well, they put you into a coma to give you a better chance at healing properly. You nearly died Rin." Kagome's eyes filled with tears as she spoke, almost as if she were picturing me dead on an operating table.
"Hey, Kagome, don't cry. I'm fine, see? Everything is okay now." My hand closed around hers, dragging her closer to the bed so we could embrace again. This time, luckily for me, it was a light hug, not something that could crush my bones and make my stitches pop. Wouldn't that have been hilarious? Kagome hugging me so tightly my stitches pop and blood just gushed everywhere? I almost laugh, picturing the look on Kagome's face as it would happen. I furrow a brow, shaking my head at myself in disgust.
Why would I think that would be funny? Morbid, most definitely. Funny? No, not at all. In fact, there was nothing funny about terrifying someone, especially someone you love. I clear my throat, at the same time thinking of something else to say in order to the clear the dark thoughts in my head.
"Well on the bright side, I'm awake and I am starving. Did they not feed me the whole time I was out?"
"Just tube food," Kagome chimed in, smiling happily at me. "If you want I'll grab the doctor and then go find you approved food." My stomach rumbled in appreciation. I felt my cheeks go hot as I cast a look at Sesshomaru, hoping he wouldn't have heard all that. To my shame (and secret delight) his eyes remained fixed on me, almost as if he were afraid looking away would cause me to disappear into a poof of smoke, never to be seen or heard from again. Which was silly, wasn't it? I wasn't going anywhere. My chest ached, no doubt from moving since I'd awoken, the pain making me acutely aware that not only could I actually leave Sesshomaru for good, I nearly had. The thought was enough to send me into Sesshomaru's suit clad body, sitting in his lap and wrapping my arms around him, hugging him close to me.
"What's approved? Like apple sauce and pudding?" I grimaced. "No, I want a cheeseburger. And fries. My gods, yes. Please get me french fries. Oh and a chocolate shake maybe." My stomach growled. "Yeah. No, definitely a chocolate shake. I feel like it's been weeks since I've eaten."
"Because it has been, Rin. Right before you stabbed yourself you had lost about 10 pounds just from a week of not eating. And not sleeping." I furrowed my brow at 'stabbed yourself'. Did they all really think I just stabbed myself with a pair of dull scissors? "The thing we need to focus on now is you getting better. We can all handle this together."
"Kagome... You know I didn't actually stab myself, right? I mean, I tried not to." She cast yet another sympathetic glance in my direction, clearly unbelieving me for whatever reason. I wanted to roll my eyes at her antics, but to be fair, I hadn't disclosed anything to Kagome before I'd nearly died, so why should I expect her to think I hadn't actually done that to myself? "Look... I don't know how to explain it, but Naraku has been in my mind since that night he attacked me. I don't know how he did it, but he was torturing me, making me hallucinate anytime I fell asleep and when I would wake up their would be bruises on the areas of my body that he touched. I wanted to tell you all, but he convinced me that it would be an unwise decision." I cleared my throat, trying to dispel the tears now forming behind my eyes. "I know now how foolish I was, but at the time I thought I was protecting everyone and that was all that mattered."
"What do you mean Naraku has been in your mind? He made you hurt yourself?" Kagome sat in the chair Sesshomaru had been occupying next to my bed, her eyes round with fright.
I shuddered against Sesshomaru before allowing his warmth to soak into my bones, relieving the chill that was forming at the thought of Naraku. "I don't know how he was able to do it, but he was always waiting for me when I went to sleep, threatening me, hurting me, turning any dream I had into my worst nightmare. I wanted to tell you, tell Sesshomaru, but Naraku said he would kill you and the baby. If he could hurt me through a dream... Kagome, I didn't want to do anything that would endanger you or my little niece or nephew. I just couldn't bear the thought of you being hurt. So I didn't say anything."
"I agree. Your attempt to protect others was foolish. You should have informed me at once."
I turned to Sesshomaru, my eyes narrowing in irritation. "Maybe if you had told me you were going to leave me alone, I would have."
"My departure was irrelevant."
"Obviously it wasn't."
Kagome cleared her throat. "Could we please get back to why Naraku decided to have you stab yourself with a pair of scissors?"
"Oh, right. Well, I had taken some pills the past few days to help keep me up, that way I could avoid anything Naraku had in store for me. After a few days of no sleep, I think I went into a type of trance or something, but he got to me. He told me he could control me anytime he wanted and since I had decided to interfere with his plans by avoiding him, it was his turn to punish me. Teach me a lesson. I don't think he wanted to kill me, but I thought I was going to die."
"Oh, Rin... Maybe that was the whole point of Naraku's plan. What's the worst thing he could have done to you in a dream? I think it was to make you believe you were going to die. I don't know if there is anything scarier than that."
"I don't know, 'Gome. I think there are a few things scarier than death." Living without Sesshomaru. Never seeing him again. Knowing I was responsible for the death of the people I loved.
There were plenty of things to frighten me more than the thought of my own death.
"The time to eradicate Naraku is upon us."
I nodded to Sesshomaru in agreement before resting my head on his shoulder and sighing. My body relaxed into his, almost as if it too had been deprived of his presence for far too long.
"I'm going to leave you two alone for a little while. I'll check with the doctor about the food and let the others know you're up but resting. I'll make sure no where bothers you."
And with that, Kagome was gone, the door shutting softly behind her with a subtle click.
"Do you blame me for Naraku?" He asked softly, almost so light the question almost floated past my ear without detection.
"No," I answered back, the sound muffled into his chest as I held him to me.
"I blame myself."
"How could you have possibly known Naraku was capable of such a thing? I didn't. I still don't know how he could control my mind, let alone what I can do to keep him out of it. The only thing I do know was that as soon as I felt your presence, he did too. That was the last time I felt him in my mind. I just hope it lasts."
Sesshomaru's hands rested along my hips, his chest rising and falling against my cheek. I sighed contentedly, wishing we could stay like that forever. We sat like that for a few minutes, neither of us speaking, merely soaking up the atmosphere of one another.
It was hard to think that only a few months ago I hadn't known him, and even now, knowing he was what I wanted for the rest of my life, it was hard to believe there was so much about him I didn't know. That he didn't know about me. In fact, there were only a few kisses between us, a few moments alone, and yet... I wanted to marry him, to spend my life with him, even mate with him if that was something that would work between us. I still didn't know if a mating was what he wanted or if we were as destined as his father seemed to think, the only thing I knew was that I felt that connection all the way down to my bones. I just hoped he did too.
Another day went by in the hospital before I was released and able to go back home, to the manor. I didn't mention it to anyone, but I was terrified of being back there, being in my room, being in any part of the house without someone there to be with me.
I felt weak as I sat in the car with Sesshomaru, Kagome and Inuyasha. Being sandwiched in-between such strong people should have made me feel stronger. Like I could handle anything. Instead, I felt as if I was clinging hopelessly to the edge of a cliff, one wrong move from losing my grip and plunging over the side and into oblivion.
I took a deep breath and then another as the SUV sped down the deserted back road, taking us further from civilization and closer to the manor. Inuyasha turned the music up in the front before placing both hands back on the wheel, him and Kagome talking quietly in the front.
Although Sesshomaru and I had plenty of space in the back of the SUV, I lingered closely to him, my head resting on his upper arm as I attempted to doze in the back seat. So far, I wasn't having much luck falling asleep, mostly because the closer we came to the manor, the further my mind roamed, thinking of everything that had happened the past few weeks. I nuzzled into Sesshomaru's arm, taking in the scent of him as well as the sheer power he gave off without even trying. Nothing would happen while he was with me. Nothing at all. I knew it in my head as well as my heart and as long as I clung to the knowledge that I was safe, I would hopefully feel that way back at the mansion.
Hopefully.
When we finally pulled up to the manor, I had actually fallen asleep, waking up with my head rested on Sesshomaru's lap, his hand nestled in my hair, playing with the soft black strands. I sighed happily at the feel of his hands running through my hair, wishing I didn't have to get up and go inside the doomsday home.
The car pulled to a stop in front of the door, Kagome and Inuyasha unbuckling their seatbelt and leaving the vehicle, the doors shutting loudly behind them. I sat up groggily, wiping the sleep from my eyes before smiling at Sesshomaru. It was still surprising to fall asleep and be in a dreamless state for hours, only to awakened refreshed. I never knew how much I relied on sleep until it was ripped away from me. Now, any chance I could get to sleep with Sesshomaru in the room, I take it, never knowing when I might be without him.
We headed up the first flight of stairs in the main hall, Sesshomaru moving silently behind me, his presence helping to soothe my soul. Once we were up the second flight of stairs and walking down the hallway to my bedroom, I felt as if my breath would catch in my throat and I would choke on what little breath I had left in my body. Instead, I breathed evenly in and out, my feet moving steadily in front of me. The carpet that was once in the hallway had been removed, no doubt stained with blood, and in its place lies deep mahogany wood floors, which looks much more sophisticated than the carpet had ever been.
At least one good thing came from nearly bleeding out on the carpet floor, I think to myself and nearly laugh before glaring at the empty space in front of me. I shouldn't laugh at something like that. I seriously almost died. Although, they do say laughter is the best form of medicine. Maybe this is how I've learned to cope; laughing at extremely morbid shit.
Turning right at the door across from Kagome's, I slowly turned the door knob and step into my bedroom, noting how cold the room had become in my absence. The room, despite the chill in the air, was spotless. The bed was made, the walls had been scrubbed free of blood and the floor is like the floor in the hallway. Perfect. I sighed in relief before turning to Sesshomaru and smiling.
"For some reason I thought when I walked in here Naraku would be here waiting for me."
Sesshomaru reached out, placing his palm on my cheek and rubbing his thumb on my skin in a soothing manner. I wanted to sigh into that palm, to tell him I love him and probably always will. That he was my reason for living, even when I should have died. Instead, I place my hand along his, nuzzling into his palm before kissing the center of his hand lightly, wishing it was his lips I was pressing mine against, not his palm.
Almost as if he can read my mind, Sesshomaru moves his palm to the back of my neck, slowly dragging me to him until his body is practically towering over mine, his lips mere inches away from my own.
We stay like that, our eyes locked, bodies slightly touching and lips so close to one another, almost as if we are waiting for the other to make a move. To take it to the next level, and I wanted to. More than anything, but there was something at the back of my mind, warning me away from such intimacy. Telling me that loving him puts him in danger, being near him would only cause Naraku to harm him.
Which was illogical, considering even Naraku was afraid of Sesshomaru. Doesn't that mean Sesshomaru was more powerful than Naraku would ever be? Didn't I already know that? But what if I acted rashly, showed such affection for Sesshomaru and Naraku did something to hurt him? To destroy him?
Hasn't he already hurt Sesshomaru by hurting you? My conscious asked me, clearly wanting me to decide one way or another my course of action.
Then Sesshomaru was pressing his lips into mine, his hands roaming up and down my back as he deepened the embrace, bending me until my back landed softly on the mattress, his large body hovering over mine and then pressing me into the bed, his suit moving like silk across my bare arms. My hands have found their way into his long, silver mane of hair, stroking it delicately before I bit down on his bottom lip and then sucked it into my mouth, moaning when his hips press into mine, my legs wrapping around his waist to encourage him further. I moved my hands, removing his suit jacket in one smooth motion and ripping open his silk shirt, uncaring of the buttons that fly off and scatter around us. We hadn't been truly alone since I woke up, haven't ever been intimate. Now as my hands ran up and down the corded muscles of his back and he pressed further into the junction of my legs, I knew that I wanted to give all of myself to him before the night was over. I nearly died without him, and now I couldn't think of anything else I would rather do than begin to live fully with him. I wanted to be alive, to feel alive, and the only person on the planet I wanted to experience every sensation with was lying on top of me, one of his hands rubbing my nipple through my thin bra, his teeth scraping along my neck and biting down gently. It wasn't enough to pierce my skin, only enough to give me more pleasure than I thought possible from a love bite.
For a while I throw my fears away and just give in to everything I'm feeling with Sesshomaru wrapped around me like a second skin. We touched each other, coaxed each other and after a few more minutes we were both sitting on top of the bed without most of our clothing. I moaned happily as his hands slid over my bare body, the way he kissed my neck causing shivers to work through my body. I wanted more: I wanted everything.
No, I needed everything he could give me, anything he was willing to give me. I reach down with a free hand and touch him, my hand clasping around warm velvet steel, making me moan in anticipation. Sesshomaru breaks away from my neck, his kisses stopping as he stares down at me, breathing slightly heavier than usual.
"Rin. Are you certain?" His voice was harsh against all the gentle touching that has been happening between us. I moved my hand up and down along his flesh, relishing the way his eyes nearly close in pleasure as I caressed him.
"I need you, Sesshomaru." To breathe. To live. To be.
Sesshomaru's eyes turned a deep shade of red and a growl escaped his lips as he bent down and kissed me deeply.
Then I was lost in feeling.
More than a few hours later and everything in my body was deliciously sore. I never knew sex could be so explosive, so powerful, and yet I knew Sesshomaru had been gentle with me, afraid of disturbing the stitches on my chest.
Not that I minded, especially considering how thoroughly he had looked after me. And I meant, thoroughly. I felt my face heating, even though I'm alone in the ballroom, sitting at my beloved piano bench.
The only thing I've put on is my deep purple kimono silk robe that stops mid thigh. I would have put more clothing on under the robe, but Sesshomaru had informed me we were the only ones in the manor and would be for the rest of the evening, so I hadn't bothered with adding more clothing. Besides, Sesshomaru had already seen me naked, so it wasn't like more clothing was necessary.
I blushed again, thinking about how I also got to see Sesshomaru naked as well. He was built exactly how I imagined and yet so much more than I would have ever expected. His body was muscular and sleek all at once, every part of his body was honed to perfection. I thought he was magnificent as he was, but thinking about him naked and bathing in the moonlight set my blood on fire, made my whole body hot just thinking about what he would look like then.
I turn my attention from thoughts of Sesshomaru's body and focus on the task at hand; playing my piano. I place a finger on one of the keys, stroking it almost like I had stroked Sesshomaru earlier. With care, as if it were my lover.
My hands itch to play the piano in front of me, to run my hands lovingly over the keys and just let myself escape into the beauty of the music I've always enjoyed. Instead, my hands shake like an addict in search of the nearest fix and I rip my hands from the instrument I've loved all my life, folding my hands into my laps and clasping them together in the hopes they'll stop shaking.
I looked away from the piano, my eyes landing on the demon lingering in the large doorway, his hip pressed into the wall, both hands tucked into the pockets of his pants. He's only wearing the pants, his face and upper body currently being soaked up by the moonlight pouring in from the floor length windows across the room. Sesshomaru simply stared at me, almost as if he could do it for weeks and never tire of what he saw. It would be hard to understand if I didn't feel the exact same way about him. Nothing about him could tire me, nothing about him will ever be enough for me.
"I thought I could play something, but..." I've lost the words I need, the silence stretching between us until I break eye contact and look back down at my beloved piano, my eyes burning with unshed tears at the thought of Naraku robbing me of this joy.
Sesshomaru scoots me forward until I'm at the edge of the piano bench, his large body surrounding me, his legs pressing into the outside of each of mine as he sits, straddling me. He takes my shakings hands into his own, prying them apart before placing my fingers on the keys, his resting comfortably above my own.
"Perhaps we could play together." The words caress against my neck as he gently presses a kiss into the smooth column, nearly robbing me of breath. Meanwhile, his fingers caress mine until he eventually lays them flat over mine, his fingers pressing mine down until a first note forms and then another. Soon, a haphazard verse of something that sounds familiar has been played and I turn my head and kiss his chin.
"I didn't realize you played."
"I know a few melodies. I wouldn't consider it playing, however." He lets his hands fall away from mine, his arms wrapping around my waist and pressing my body into his. I lean into him, closing my eyes and listening to the melody over and over again in my head until it finally clicks. I didn't need sheet music for it, I had heard it enough times to replicate it through the keys on the piano.
Soon enough, I've played through most of 'Ain't No Mountain High Enough', although I find myself extremely curious as to why he chose to play one of my favorite songs. I stop playing and turn to him, staring up at his deep red eyes, knowing he wants me just as much as I want him.
"I wish I didn't feel so afraid. I know you'll protect me from anything, I just don't know how to keep him out of my mind for good. What if it takes a long time to hunt him down and end him?"
"There is a way to ensure Naraku won't delve into your mind again."
"What is it?"
"My father suggested a mate bond would annihilate the mark Naraku has left on you."
I raised an eyebrow. "How do you know he's put some kind of mark on me?"
Sesshomaru placed a gentle hand on to the spot of my shoulder that has been hurting for weeks. My eyes widened. "I can't believe I didn't piece that together sooner." When he moves his hand away I put mine on the spot that constantly aches, knowing this is where the mark was. This was where he branded me for his own personal torment.
"Do you think you'll actually be able to form a mate bond with me?"
"Do you doubt this Sesshomaru?"
"No, of course not. I just want you to be sure I'm what you want. Your father made a mate bond seem like it was kind of forever. I wouldn't want you to be sick of me in a few weeks."
"You were meant for me. Of that I have no doubt." I smiled up at him. Did he ever doubt anything? The way he was sitting behind me, I kind of have to turn half of my body to get a good look at him, but I knew it would be worth it. Wasn't it always? The way the moonlight hits him, making his eyes shine like rubies. It slays me, how beautiful he has always looked to me. One look at him was enough to take my breath away.
"That doesn't really answer my question. Would you want to be mated to me?" I held my breath, uncertainty clouding my mind even though I knew in my heart it shouldn't. I mean, we just had so much sex my whole body was sore, he was currently straddling me on a piano bench and looking down on me like he was a starved man and I was a juicy steak. I should have felt more confident about what his answer would be, but a part of me knew that if he rejected me I probably wouldn't ever move on from him. Not fully. Wasn't that a pain in the butt?
"Yes." The color of his eyes deepened to almost black, they were so red, and his face shifted subtly, making him more beast than man, but in that moment, I couldn't have cared less.
He just said he wanted to be mine. Forever.
I couldn't believe I nearly died, but now knowing how it sped up our relationship so quickly, I couldn't help but feel blessed that I nearly did die. Who knew how long it would have taken to be claimed by him, otherwise? Maybe I could have waited that long, however long it took, but since my whole ordeal without him, I was extremely exhilarated to know I wouldn't have to be without him. Not again.
"So how do we go about creating a mate bond?"
The words are no sooner out of my mouth then I found myself lifted from the bench and sitting at the end of the piano, the keys pressing into my backside in a quick crash of music as Sesshomaru straddled my waist, his hands moving my kimono down past my shoulders until my upper body is completely exposed to him.
"A mate bond is usually sealed with a bite mark. I'll need to bite where Naraku has marked you. It should wipe out the stench of him from you permanently." His voice comes out guttural, almost as if it hurt him to speak, but I just nodded my head in understanding, tilting my neck to the side to give him better access to what needed to be done. What had to be done.
Sesshomaru kissed my cheek, my jaw, his lips moving slowly down my neck until they hovered towards the middle of my shoulder, just above my collarbone and right on top of the mark Naraku left behind.
His hands squeezed my waist into his body, bringing my bare chest into the heat of his and then I felt a graze of teeth. Then a sharp bite as his teeth bit into my flesh, his lips closing over my skin. My head fell back and I groan, although I wasn't sure if it was from pain or pleasure.
A few seconds into the bite and I was not sure it had worked. I didn't feel any different, I felt exactly the same. I opened my mouth to speak when I was hit by such a wave of euphoria my whole body shuddered.
So many emotions rush past, all of them passionate and intense. None of them were mine. I could feel Sesshomaru in almost every way and the connection was amazing.
I hoped it never ended.
Please leave me a review! Hopefully you liked the progression of this story. :)
-Mo