Welcome back guys. I have absolutely no freaking idea what happened to Buford's talking in Church. It's so screwed up. Oh well.

I was waiting until the last one to use Love but whatever. Enjoy?

Food is an AU, by the way. Just because they're so out of character its not even funny.

Xoxoxo

Love

It had become somewhat of a tradition over the years. A dorky tradition, one that Buford never let them live down, but Phineas enjoyed it all the same. The first time he and Ferb had met, pushed together by dating parents, Ferb had shyly presented him with a thornless yellow rose. It was very obvious his father had made him do it, and that the green-haired child had not wanted to, but Phineas had smiled and accepted it all the same. The next time his mother told him they were going to see the Fletcher's again, he picked a white rose from the garden and gave it to Ferb. He'd always remember the look of pleased surprise on the other boy's face before it was hidden behind that expressionless mask.

Eventually they found a rhythm. Ferb would give Phineas a rose at some point in January. Phineas would do the same in February. Ferb would give another in March, and so on and so forth. On special occasions such as Valentines Day or Christmas, they would both get roses. It was always the same. Phineas always received a yellow rose and he always gave Ferb a white one.

It was when they were both fourteen that Isabella sat Phineas down and told him what the colours symbolized. "It's fitting, really, that you give him white roses, because they mean innocence and purity," she smiled widely and patted his hand. "And there's no one as oblivious and innocent as you."

"Hey!" he protested weakly.

"And yellow..." she shook her head and laughed. "Even more fitting. Yellow means a new beginning, and also friendship. It's sweet, really."

"And what about other colours?" he asked curiously, turning to glance out the window behind them. Outside was his mother's rose garden, and he scanned them over. "As cute as the whole colours thing is, it's getting old, right? Maybe I should shake things up a bit. What does peach mean?"

"Appreciation-" Isabella started, but Phineas cut her off.

"Oh, appreciation? I totally appreciate Ferb," he grinned. "Peach it is. It's my turn this month, I might give it to him tomorrow..."

"It can also mean 'let's get together'..." Isabella finished weakly.

"Get together for what?" he blinked at her. She smacked her forehead with her palm and rolled her eyes.

"Nothing, you dork," shaking her head with a sigh, she continued, "but we'll just leave the peach for now. Any other colours you had in mind?"

"What about the red ones?" he smiled at her.

"Those mean love," a sly grin appeared. "Do you love Ferb?"

"Of course I do!" he rolled his eyes at such a stupid question, standing up. "Should we go pick them, now?"

"Romantic love," Isabella clarified, still grinning. "It means romantic love."

"...Oh," a blush spread swiftly over his cheeks and he sat back down quickly. "You know what? I think I'll just keep giving him white. It's easier."

Isabella had laughed as he hurried into the garden, looking flustered as he picked the nearest white rose and stubbornly ignoring the red ones.

It wasn't until he was sixteen that he finally gave in and admitted his feelings to both himself and Isabella. "You were right, Isa," he sighed, leaning against the headboard of his bed, twirling a fresh yellow rose in his fingers. Ferb had given it to him earlier that day. "I do like him. In a way that's not strictly brotherly."

"Well, you know what to do, right?" the girl grinned, looking up from where she had been painting her nails a bright pink. "Give him a rose that symbolizes your feelings. You've had this tradition for over ten years, it'll shock the hell out of him if you suddenly give him a rose that's not white. But you totally have to tell me what happens."

"Alright," he agreed, running a finger over the delicate yellow petals. "I can't believe you're so accepting of this. I mean, we're practically brothers."

"Practically is the key word, sweetie," she laughed, leaning over to paint a streak of pink on his leg.

A month later and he was standing in the garden, staring at the selection of roses and wondering which one would be best. He immediately ignored the yellow and white ones. They were overdone and didn't explain how he felt at all. He remembered Isabella's latest lecture on what the colours meant and he reached out to pluck a pink one but he hesitated. He wasn't really sure of how he felt about Ferb. He knew he was attracted to him, yes, but past that he didn't know. Romantic feelings had never been his strong point.

His fingers closed around an orange rose and snapped it off. He went inside and got out a little knife and carefully cut all the thorns off. The last thing he wanted was to accidentally stab Ferb. Orange symbolized desire or fascination. He certainly had a fascination with Ferb lately, and he definitely desired him.

Knowing Ferb was up in their shared bedroom, he climbed the stairs two at a time, feeling his heart beat speed up. How would his brother react? He wasn't sure. He just hoped he wouldn't be interrogated. He might be able to pass off the change in colour saying that he got bored and orange was his favourite, but Ferb had an uncanny ability to recognize lies. It was incredibly frustrating sometimes.

"Hey, Ferb," he chirped when he opened the door. His brother was lying on his bed reading a book, and he sat up when Phineas came closer, holding the rose behind his back.

"Phin," he nodded. Always a man of little words.

"It's that time of the month again," Phineas chuckled, throwing a wink in there for good measure. He pulled out the rose with a flourish and held it out, smiling brightly even though he knew his face must have been bright red. "Here's your rose, Ferb."

"It's orange," Ferb commented as he took it, studying it. It wasn't really a question, just a statement, but Phineas answered anyway.

"Yup, sure is," he attempted another smile but it came out weak. He was glad Ferb wasn't looking at him.

"Thank you," Ferb stood, his long legs meaning he now stood a good head higher than Phineas, and he reached out to give his brother a brief hug. "I'm going to go get a vase."

The redhead was left standing dumbly in the middle of his room, staring at where Ferb had been. That was the first time Ferb had hugged him after receiving a rose. Usually it was just a pat on the shoulder or something. He got out his phone with trembling fingers and fired off a quick text to Isabella.

I gave Ferb an orange rose. He was a bit surprised but didn't question it. Then he hugged me.

The reply came through in seconds, shocking him when his phone vibrated against his palm.

Congratulations! I hope he decided to give you a different coloured rose next month. I wonder if he knows what the colours mean.

Phineas smiled and shook his head. He doubted it. Ferb was a mechanic. What business would he have with flowers?

Other than giving his step-brother one every second month.

Another month passed and it was January. Phineas couldn't help but get excited, wondering if Ferb would give him a different coloured rose, but when the day came and Ferb presented him with the flower, Phineas' heart sank. Yellow.

"Thanks," he said, forcing a bright smile as he took the rose. "I'll go put it in water."

He texted Isabella and she showed up five minutes later, joining him in the kitchen where he was filling a small vase with water. She gave him a hug, seeing his disappointed look. "It's okay, Phineas, I mean, we had to expect it really."

"Yeah, but..." he sighed and held up the rose. "I really thought he'd try something different."

"He did," Isabella said, her eyes lighting up when she saw the rose and she grabbed it off him. "Look! It has red tips!"

"...So?" Phineas snatched it back, feeling oddly possessive over it.

"Yellow with red tips means friendship, yes," she giggled and covered her mouth. "But it also means falling in love."

She laughed at the bright blush that appeared on his face and he stared closely at the flower. "Are you sure?"

"Positive!"

"...Maybe it was a mistake," he frowned slightly. "Maybe he didn't notice the red tips. Maybe he doesn't know what it means."

"Oh don't be such a Negative Nancy," Isabella scowled, slapping his arm gently. "Next month is Valentines Day, so you'll both be giving roses. What colour are you going to go with?"

"I don't know," he leaned against the counter after he'd put the rose in the vase, staring at the red tips and wondering if those were there on purpose.

"Well, do you love him?"

"I don't know," he repeated, starting to feel like he was under interrogation or something. "I mean, I love him as a friend, and I like him as more than that, but I don't know if I love him as more than that. You know?"

"Oh for God's sake," Isabella rolled her eyes. "Get him dark red or something."

"I just said I wasn't sure!" Phineas exclaimed.

"Red means love, dark red means unconscious beauty," Isabella punched his arm. "I'm not deaf, I heard what you said."

"Oh," he rubbed his arm, thought it over in his mind. "Well, he does have absolutely no idea how attractive he is."

"Then it's decided," she smiled.

Valentines Day came swiftly, almost sneaking up on Phineas. He'd nearly forgotten about his plan for the roses, but Isabella reminded him the morning of the fateful day. He knew there was a rose garden at school and the gardener liked Isabella so he didn't bother grabbing one before school. Ferb seemed to have the same idea because no rose was forthcoming as they got ready and hopped into the green-haired teen's car.

Around second period Ferb left class to go to the bathroom. Seizing his chance, he texted Isabella, who had her free period. Sure enough, two minutes later she rushed into the room and handed him the dark red rose she had picked out from the school garden, obviously only moments ago. "Good luck!"

"Miss Garcia-Shapiro," the teacher asked with a smile. "What on earth are you doing?"

"Just providing Phineas with the rose he needed," the girl answered brightly. Everyone, even their classmates and teachers, knew about Phineas and Ferb's tradition, so it was no big surprise to them. The teacher just smiled and shook her head in mock exasperation. Isabella hurried out after wishing Phineas good luck one last time.

"Red?" Buford leaned over to look at the rose in the boy's hand more closely. "Usually it's white. What's up, Dinner Bell?"

"Nothing," he lied, gritting his teeth.

The door opened and Ferb re-entered. Phineas rested the rose on his lap so Ferb wouldn't see it and smiled innocently, despite the fact the whole class was staring and giggling. It wouldn't take a genius to figure out what was going on, and Ferb was definitely a genius. Fortunately, though, it seemed he had the same idea. He produced a rose from behind his back, allowing a small grin to light up his features. "Happy Valentines Day, Phin."

The rose was lavender. Phineas felt his breath catch. Lavender meant love at first sight. He felt his cheeks burn but tried to push down the joyful feeling he was experiencing. Ferb probably didn't even know what it meant.

He took the rose and placed it on the desk before pulling out his own and smiling. "Happy Valentines Day, Ferb."

"Dark red," Ferb commented as he took it. The whole class was watching them with varying degrees of subtlety, and some girls were giggling quietly. "Unconscious beauty."

"Y-You know what they mean?" Phineas stuttered, eyes wide. Oh dear God, he knew what they meant.

"Of course I do," Ferb rolled his eyes. "Isabella took it upon herself to teach me. Why else would I give you a lavender rose?"

Phineas blushed hard, sure his whole face was red. He was glad that their words were quiet so not many people could hear them, especially over the giggling and whispers. Goddammit, Isabella, he thought. She'd known this whole time.

Ferb chuckled at his blush and leaned closer to whisper in his ear. "Next month is my turn. I was thinking of going for a red one. What do you think?"

Phineas was too stunned to answer, and even when the teacher called for order with an amused grin and resumed teaching, he still stared blankly into space, not noticing Ferb and Buford's snickers and Baljeet's hand waving in front of his face.

Red. I love you.

Xoxoxo

Church

"Alright, I'll bite," Buford said, grinning at the forlorn teen sitting beside him. "What's got ya so upset?"

They were at the beach, sitting on the cooling sand and watching the waves. Both of them had changed back into their clothes a little while ago- it was almost evening and they were practically alone. Night was approaching and with it was a cold nip in the air. Neither boys minded much, they both had thick clothes to keep them warm.

Baljeet, hair still damp from their earlier swimming, turned his head in order to look up at Buford. His dark brown eyes were troubled, making the bully's grin slowly fade when he realized the seriousness of the situation. "It is my parents," his nerd said after a moment. He turned back to watch the waves, avoiding eye contact. "I told them I am gay."

"Shit, 'Jeet," Buford frowned, the revelation shocking him. "We're supposed t' be best friends here. Why didn't ya tell me you were gonna tell 'em?"

"I did not know I was going to either," Baljeet's hands were burying themselves in the sand, periodically bringing up a fistful just to watch it slowly drain away, back onto the ground. "Not until about five seconds before I blurted it out during dinner."

"Not always the best move," Buford commented unhelpfully. "I'm guessin' they didn't take it well, huh?"

"Actually, they did," Baljeet finally looked back up at him, and he looked completely lost and confused. "They told me they are fine with it! They accepted me! I do not understand! Our religion states that homosexuality is wrong, and yet they do not condemn me. I am so confused."

"Ever heard of the phrase 'don't look a gift horse in the mouth'?" the bully snorted. When his companion didn't react, he sighed and shook his head. "Listen, 'Jeet, they accepted you 'cause they love you. They value you and your happiness over some stupid law in your religion made thousands of years ago."

"How do you even know all this?" Baljeet sighed.

"Because my ma was the same way," Buford shrugged. "She was brought up ta be hardcore Christian or somethin'. But when I told her I'm bi, she was totally okay with it. She told me that ya can't be sure of religion bein' real but she could be sure of the fact that she loves me, ya know? She-"

"Wait a minute," Baljeet cut him off. His eyes had widened at the start of Buford's little speech, and they had stayed wide, coupled with an open mouth and a furrowed brow. "You are bisexual?!"

Buford blinked in surprise, completely forgetting what he'd previously been about to say. His hands, which had been raised and moving about as he'd been talking, just stayed raised, frozen. "...Yeah?"

"Why did you not tell me?" Baljeet moaned, hiding his face in his hands. "When I mentioned to you that I am gay, would that not have been a good time? I would have appreciated some advice, seeing as you know a little of what I am going through!"

"I thought ya knew!" Buford shook his head in complete bewilderment. "Adyson said that ya knew and that was why you'd been avoidin' me last summer."

"I did not know!" Baljeet denied. "And I was not avoiding you. Everytime you asked to hang out, I was swamped with homework and chores, or I had to babysit my sister."

"I thought those were jus' excuses," Buford rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, before his face morphed into a frown. "Man, I am gonna kill Adyson!"

There was silence as each boy absorbed the new information that had been presented to them. Buford was lost in thought, trying to decide what would be a fitting death for Adyson, when Baljeet spoke again. "How did you... you know... realize you were bisexual?"

"I've always known, I guess," Buford began to doodle little patterns in the sand. "I just knew that I like boys as much as I like girls, ya know?"

Baljeet went quiet so Buford added a soft, "and you? How did you know?"

Almost immediately a blush spread over the smaller teen's cheeks, and he ducked his head in embarrassment. "W-Well, do you remember the one time we did hang out last summer? At Isabella's party, right on the first day of vacation?"

"Sure," Buford nodded. He remembered the party well. Everyone did. It was when Phineas had finally grown some balls and rejected Isabella. It had completely ruined the party, but it was at the end of the night so it didn't matter too much. Buford had been able to get up and leave by the time it had happened and Isabella had burst into tears and run into her room. It sounded kind of shitty, but he was a guy. And he didn't do well with crying women. Besides, she'd had her Fireside Girls troop to comfort her.

"Well..." Baljeet's voice trembled on that one word. He took a deep breath and squeezed his eyes shut. "I realized that I was attracted to men when we were dared to... you know... kiss."

"I knew ya liked that kiss," Buford chuckled, the news not fazing him at all. Really, he'd figured it out as soon as Baljeet had mentioned the party. The other boy's blush deepened, so the bully leaned towards him and jabbed his side playfully. "So, what, ya had a crush on me?"

"I do not think that would be the right way to put it," the Indian boy said slowly, refusing to look up. "If you changed the tense to something else..."

"I may be puttin' more effort into school an' all that shit, but I have no idea what you're sayin', 'Jeet."

"Change had to have," Baljeet snapped, obviously embarrassed. At long last, Buford realized what he meant and a smirk slowly appeared on his lips.

"Oh, so ya still do?" he let out a chuckle. "I already said this before, we're supposed ta be best friends, ya need ta tell me stuff more."

Baljeet let out an embarrassed groan and buried his head in his hands again, only causing Buford to laugh harder.

"Oh come on, it can't be that bad," he teased. "How come ya never made a move?"

"Because I did not know if you felt the same!" came the muffled reply. "For all I knew, you were straight!"

"...I am seriously going to kill Adyson," Buford cracked his knuckles and the noise caused Baljeet to peek up at him from behind his fingers. "I ain't never gonna listen to that bitch again. She told me ya knew I like ya!"

Baljeet dropped his hands into his lap, looking at Buford curiously. His cheeks were still flushed and he still looked embarrassed, but the slightest smile was playing at his lips. "You like me...?"

Buford rolled his eyes. Now that he knew the brat liked him back, there was no need for subtlety. He grabbed the front of the boy's shirt and hauled him up to eye level, much like he would have done when they were younger and Buford still bullied him. He only allowed one gasp to slip from Baljeet's lips before he was kissing him, pouring all of the emotion he could into it. By the time they parted, the blush had spread to Buford's cheeks and they looked away awkwardly.

"...I will take that as a yes."

Xoxoxo

Food

"NO! I DON'T WANT TO!"

Sixteen-year-old Ferb Fletcher winced at the screams of his younger brother as he yanked on his shirt. He didn't bother to suppress a groan, knowing that today would be the worst day yet. His step-brother, Phineas, had lost all will to eat anything ever since he'd turned fourteen. They'd been to several doctors and psychiatrists but no matter what advice they gave, each day was a struggle to get even a morsel of food to pass Phineas' lips. Last month, for about a week, the boy had eaten without any complaint, and Ferb had begun to hope things were getting better. But sure enough when that week ended, the screaming resumed.

Phineas was usually a mature, witty, confident boy. But when it came to food, he acted like a spoilt three-year-old who didn't want to eat his vegetables. Unfortunately for Ferb, it came down to him to make sure his little brother was eating.

"Ferb," his step-mother, Linda, knocked on his bedroom door. She sounded tired and defeated. He hurriedly pulled on his jeans and patted down his hair before opening the door. "He won't even leave his room. Could you...?"

"Sure, Mum," he brushed past her, heading towards the sounds of his father, Lawerence, pleading and Phineas screeching. He reached his brother's bedroom, and upon entering saw his father standing at the foot of Phineas' bed. The boy in question was curled up in a ball, hands over his ears, eyes screwed shut, chanting loudly,

"NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!"

"Phineas, please!" Lawerence begged. "You're already twenty pounds underweight!"

"Dad," Ferb put a hand on his father's shoulder. The man slumped and sighed, shaking his head. He nodded at Ferb before leaving. The green-haired teen walked over to his brother and poked him hard in the side. It was enough to stop the chanting and get his attention. "Oi, you're eating breakfast today, you got it?"

"NO!" bright blue eyes, watery with tears, stared back at him defiantly, crossing his arms. Ferb's chest constricted. He looked so frail and delicate, as if he would shatter at any moment. The older teen didn't understand why his brother couldn't eat. It was frustratingly worrying.

"You don't have a choice," he forced himself to sound stern as he reached out and scooped his brother up, holding him bridal style. The boy began to yell and pound at his chest but it barely even made him wince. All it succeeded in doing was worry him even more because each hit was hardly even noticeable.

"Ferb! No! Ferb! I don't want to! Put me down!" the tears were in full force now, streaming down porcelain cheeks as Ferb resolutely marched them down the stairs and into the kitchen. He sat himself down at the kitchen table, pulling his brother into his lap and wrapping an arm around his waist to hold him there. He used that same arm to pin Phineas' hands too, so the younger teen couldn't move away, or try to hit him.

"FERB!" he was struggling, but to someone as tall and strong as Ferb, there was no competition. The boy let out a broken sob that tugged at his heart. "Please!"

"You are eating and that is final," he felt horrible, using that growling sort of voice at his brother, especially when the redhead was sobbing, but he made himself stay resolute. "Dad, can you get out the cereal?"

Their father, who had followed them into the kitchen silently, obeyed. He pulled out the box, a bowl, a spoon and a carton of milk. He poured the cereal and milk into the bowl and set that and the spoon in front of Ferb on the table. Phineas struggled even more at the sight of it.

"Thanks, Dad," the green-haired teen nodded at his father, who looked dead tired. The man left the two alone. Both parents didn't know how Ferb managed to force the redhead to eat, and neither of them wanted to know. The screams and tearful pleading were too distressing for them to stick around. As long as Phineas was fed at the end of the day, they were happy.

With his free hand, Ferb picked up the spoon and dipped it into the bowl, pulling it out with a small amount of milky cereal on it. He held it to his brother's lips, who had closed them defiantly and tried to press himself back into Ferb's chest and away from the spoon. "Goddammit, Phin, please eat. I don't want to have to force feed you."

The boy shook his head and squirmed. Ferb pushed the spoon closer and Phineas leaned forward and knocked it with his nose, causing it to drop and land on their laps. "Fucks sake," Ferb growled, feeling the milk seep into his jeans. Still, he couldn't stop now to get changed. He picked the spoon back up, wiped it on his shirt and scooped up another small amount of cereal.

"No! Ferb-!" Phineas cut his own cry off when the spoon came too near to his lips. Knowing Ferb would shove the spoon into his mouth if he kept it open, he shut it quickly, turning his head to glare up at his brother, tears still tracking their way down his face.

"That's it."

Ferb placed the spoon in his own mouth, pulling it out clean but not chewing or swallowing. He let the cereal sit on his tongue as he put the spoon down before gripping his brother's jaw harshly. Phineas struggled, trying to pull his head away. "Ferb-"

Ignoring him, the older teen pushed their mouths together just as he used his grip on the boy's jaw to pry his brother's lips apart. Using his tongue, he forced the cereal into the other's mouth and then pulled away, slamming those lips shut and placing his hand over them, glaring into those pleading blue eyes. "Chew. Now."

He knew it was cruel, using the boy's feelings against him, but the only way Ferb could get Phineas to chew and swallow was if he kissed him first. Any other form of force feeding only led to the redhead spitting out the food. He tried not to notice the feel of those pink lips against his. This was purely for feeding, he reminded himself.

The tears were coming harder now but he could feel Phineas chewing beneath his hand and he smiled encouragingly. "That's it, Phin, keep going. Swallow, now. You can do it."

He swallowed and made a face, gagging. Ferb removed his hand, picking up the spoon again. He felt like he'd run a marathon and all he had succeeded in doing was getting his brother to eat one mouthful. "One more, that's it..." he coaxed, dipping the spoon in the bowl before holding it to Phineas' lips.

"Please, I don't want to eat anymore," the redhead whispered brokenly.

"You can't keep doing this, Phin," Ferb sighed, taking advantage of the boy's open lips to shove the spoon inside. His brother made a high pitched noise and squirmed. "Don't you dare spit that out, Phineas Flynn," he added, his tone sharp and commanding.

He pulled the spoon out and covered his brother's mouth with his hand quickly, leaving the boy no time to try and get the food out of his mouth. "Chew. Please, chew."

Phineas was still, glaring up at him. The look in his eyes told Ferb that he wouldn't chew willingly. With a groan, the green-haired boy replaced his hand with his mouth, pressing their lips together hard. "Chew!" he snarled against Phineas' mouth, and he was finally obeyed.

When the mouthful was swallowed, before Ferb could pull away, Phineas opened his mouth again, turning the lip-lock from a feeding tool to an actual kiss. The older teen shuddered, torn between continuing and pulling back. After a few seconds he listened to reason, yanking away and meeting his brother's glare with one of his own. "Don't try to distract me, Phineas. You're going to eat and that's final."

Thirty minutes later, after much crying, squirming, screaming, fighting and kissing, the bowl was finally empty. Phineas sniffled a bit as Ferb let him go, but he didn't bolt. Instead he turned and buried his face into his brother's neck, shaking. Ferb wrapped his arms around the boy's tiny waist, feeling soft red hair tickle his chin. "I'm sorry, Phin, but you know I had to."

"I hate you," was the sobbed reply, small hands fisting in his shirt.

"I'm sorry," he repeated, closing his eyes and feeling as if his brother had stabbed him in the chest. "I love you, I'm sorry."

Despite how bad he felt, despite how much it hurt to see Phineas crying and sobbing and screaming, he knew it would just all be repeated at the next meal time. He tightened his hold on his brother. "I'm sorry."

Xoxoxo

Bulldozer

Baljeet stood outside the large dingy building, scared to enter, scared not to. He didn't know what he'd find in there. Well, he sort of did. But he really hoped he wouldn't find what he thought he would. Which would be his boyfriend passed out in a puddle of his own blood.

He took a breath, let it out, barely noticing the way it misted in the freezing night air. He was decked out in a warm coat, fuzzy gloves and a snug scarf wrapped tightly around his neck. He even had a woolen beanie to protect his head from the cold. Even with all this clothing, he was still shivering.

A hand pressed onto his shoulder, warm and comforting. He turned and was greeted by a set of unwavering green eyes. "He really wants you there, you know," Ferb told him calmly.

"I know," Baljeet hesitated, unsure if he should really talk. Ferb and Buford were so close, it seemed like Ferb was solely Buford's counselor, and unloading his problems on the green-haired man would feel like he was... stepping on Buford's territory or something. He let out a short laugh at his own thoughts, shaking his head. God, what the hell was he even on about? Yes, Buford was a possessive bastard, but only over Baljeet.

Ferb was giving him a strange look, probably because of his random laugh, so Baljeet turned back towards the building, hiding the blush that rose to his cheeks. "I just do not want to see him hurt. I do not think I could handle that."

"He comes home bruised and battered every weekend, you already see him hurt," Ferb stepped up beside him so their shoulders were brushing. Or, they would have been if Baljeet weren't so damn short. Even at twenty-four years old, he was still shorter than all his male friends, even Phineas. It infuriated him to no end, and of course Buford just had to tease him about it. Constantly.

"I see the results. I do not want to see what caused it," he snapped without meaning to. Guilt washed away the slight anger he had been feeling and he dropped his gaze to the ground in shame. "I am sorry. It is just... I have seen him in fights before. It tore me apart to see him hurt and know I could not do anything to help."

"Do you even pay any attention to him at all?" Ferb asked, the slightest tinge of humor added to his voice. "He's a fucking bulldozer, 'Jeet. He never gets seriously hurt. He's one of the best boxers in the damn country."

"All it takes is one badly aimed punch..."

"Seriously, Baljeet, just go inside," Ferb's tone was a strange mix of understanding gentleness and commanding annoyance.

"Fine," he huffed. "Is Phineas going to be here?"

"He's already inside," Ferb chuckled. He no doubt knew why Baljeet had asked. The youngest and smallest of the group, Baljeet and Phineas, were also the most squeamish. If they watched a gore movie or anything of the like, one didn't even have to glance their way to know they were holding hands tightly and doing their best not to puke.

Baljeet needed Phineas' comforting hand in his if he was going to watch Buford get the shit beaten out of him, or vice versa.

He let out the breath he didn't know he had been holding and stepped forward. Ferb held the door open for him and it brought a slight smile to his face before they both went inside. He was too preoccupied by his nerves to take any note of his surroundings. Ferb guided him with a gentle grip on his elbow and soon he was being pushed to sit down beside Phineas, who gave him a smile only slightly less sickly than the one Baljeet was wearing.

"Ready to see some blood?" he joked weakly. "I can never understand why this gets Buford so pumped up all the time."

"If he expects sex after this, he is completely wrong," Baljeet was already reaching out, entwining their gloved fingers and squeezing tight. Ferb sat on the other side of his step brother and wrapped a casual arm around his shoulder.

He knew the moment Buford stepped into the room. It was if the atmosphere had been electrified, and all the fine hairs on the back of his neck stood up. He gulped and turned his attention to the ring in the center of the room, seeking out dark blue eyes and holding them. His mouth went dry when his boyfriend quirked a sexy grin and waved, obviously happy to see him there. He waved back, not as enthusiastic, trying not to think about the amount of blood his lover might lose in the next few minutes.

He instead tried to focus on how much he loved the man who was moving around the ring with domineering confidence, how attracted he was to the thickly muscled body, so much larger and taller than his own. How it felt to have that body over his, touching his, inside his. A fleeting blush lit his face as his free hand rose to loosen the scarf around his neck. His previous statement of no sex might end up being a lie.

And then all arousal drained from his body when the bell dinged and the first swing was made. He attempted to force himself to watch but after Buford took a particularly nasty fist to the gut, he turned his face into Phineas' shoulder, nudging away Ferb's arm, which had been in the way. "I am going to hurl," he muttered weakly. He received a weak chuckle from Phineas, who was no doubt feeling just as nauseous as he was, and felt his hand squeezed. Ferb, who now had no idea what to do with his arm, rested half of it around Phineas' shoulders and let his hand rest on top of Baljeet's beanie.

"And we have our winner! Buford Van Stomm!"

"Told you," Ferb muttered to him. "He's the best in the fucking country."

Xoxoxo

Science

"You have got to be kidding me."

Vanessa surveyed the two men in front of her, arms crossed over her chest. To say she was shocked would be a huge understatement. But then again, she should be used to her father's random and at some times completely demented actions. Still, walking in on Heinz making out with a stranger- a hot MALE stranger at that- did cause her to do a bit of a double-take.

"Vanessa!" Heinz chuckled nervously, pulling away from the smaller man who he'd been kissing, quite passionately she might add. "You've, ah, you've met Perry..."

"Yes, I've met Perry," she said slowly, as if talking to a child. She found herself using that voice more and more with her father lately. Honestly, it was hard to tell who was the parent and who was the child anymore. "But Perry is a secret agent platypus. This is a random man I've never seen before in my life."

"Well, they're kinda one and the same these days," he scratched the back of his neck, looking rattled. The teal-haired man beside him looked calm and collected, as if this sort of thing happened all the time.

"You're telling me Perry got, like, human-ized or something?" Vanessa asked doubtfully, eyeing the man. He was short, probably her height, with intense chocolate brown eyes, framed by long lashes, that stared her down almost in challenge, as if he were daring her not to believe her father. He was dressed simply, black and white converse shoes, dark blue jeans and a black t-shirt, followed by a black jacket. His face wasn't traditionally handsome, more feminine than masculine, but he was certainly pretty, especially with those teal locks falling almost to his shoulders.

"Yup!" her father answered cheerfully, completely oblivious to the fact she no longer had any idea what went through his mind anymore. Seriously, he turns his nemesis into a human and then makes out with him? What's even up with that?

"How?" she asked curiously.

"Science," Heinz winked, one arm going around Perry's shoulder. The smaller man looked up at him, his expression a mixture of exasperation and fondness.

"Sheesh, how long has this been going on?" she almost gagged at the affection between them. Seriously, it was like... bestiality or something. Kind of. Not really. It still seemed wrong to her.

"A few months," Perry answered her this time, his voice rich and deep. It didn't match his pretty features but it matched the intensity of his eyes. "I'm sorry we didn't tell you sooner."

"I expected a step-mother," Vanessa frowned at Heinz. "Not a... step-platypus."

"He can still take you out shopping if that's what you want," he answered, completely clueless. I resisted the urge to smack my forehead with my palm, or better yet, smack his face with my palm.

"I never agreed to this," Perry blinked at him.

Vanessa felt a grin form on her face. Perry and her father had fought for so long, some of it would still remain, even in a relationship. Or whatever... THAT... was. Even if it was just playful banter, she could always use it to her advantage. Having someone else there to help her gang up on her father would make her visits more humourous.

"Yeah, Dad, why don't you ask your lover before you volunteer his services?" she smirked, catching Perry's eye and winking. He looked perplexed for a minute before smiling at her.

"You can be so inconsiderate sometimes, Heinz," Perry scolded, for all the world looking absolutely serious, but Vanessa could see the amused twinkle in his eye.

"Woah- what?" Heinz retracted his arm, holding up his hands in defense, probably wondering why they were ganging up on him. Vanessa resisted the urge to laugh. Maybe having Perry around more often wouldn't be so bad. And maybe her father wouldn't be so damn depressing all the time if he was with someone.

Perry, it seemed, couldn't hold back his chuckles. He covered his mouth with one finely boned hand, eyes crinkled. Vanessa looked on in fascinated revulsion as her father caught him up in a tight embrace and kissed him as some sort of twisted punishment. She didn't understand why it was a punishment until she saw Perry's face. It was bright red and he looked at her almost shyly. Ah, so he hated PDA. Now she got it.

She grinned back at him as Heinz, who had absolutely no problem with public displays of affection, kissed him again. One hand went to cup the back of the agent's neck and the other wound it's way around the slim waist. Perry's hands curled in Heinz's shirt, seeming to alternate between pulling the man closer and attempting to push him away.

She waited for them to pull apart but they didn't, so she made a gagging noise. "I'm taking the car, Dad. Might as well go see Johnny."

She pretended to be disgusted by it as she snatched up her father's keys and exited his apartment, and maybe she was a little grossed out, but she was still happy for him. Perry was a good match. She just hoped she would never walk in on anything like that again.

Xoxoxo

Because fuck science, lets make animals into humans.

So, my personal favourite was Food, but that's just because disorders like that (I'm assuming that's a disorder) kind of fascinate me. It's weird, I know.

Sorry for how late this was, I've been caught up with my Secrets series. If any of you read that, you might be able to tell Bulldozer was loosely based on it. You know, with the whole Buford/Ferb best friend thing. I don't know why, but I just love the bromance between them.

Review? Reviewers get banana milkshake! BANANA MILKSHAKE!