A/N: Two years ago today I lost someone very important to me. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about her and miss her. I wish I could talk to her, hug her and hear her voice just one more time. I'd give anything for that. For that reason, I dedicate this chapter to my grandma, who was a constant source of support and encouragement for me and who taught me the biggest life lesson to date. I love you and miss you so much grandma. R.I.P. 8/6/10
Thanks a thousand times to my amazing beta and friend, Dee, not just for being there for me, but for making it possible for me to post this today. I love you like a sister.
Please check out the blog Dee and I do together. Link is on my profile. Also feel free to follow our blog account blogfanfiction.
Lily and Liam are 12 in this chapter and Brody is 7.
X
His parents were staring straight at him, their eyes moving from his black eye down to the cut on his lip and back up again. He could still taste blood in his mouth, but he didn't care. He knew it wouldn't matter what he told them; he'd still be in trouble for starting the fight, but he wasn't worried about that. He'd done what he had to do; he'd defended her and when words stopped being enough he took action. She'd been teased her entire life and he wasn't about to let a boy embarrass and hurt her in front of everyone. He was proud of what he'd done whether anybody else agreed or not.
"What did you do?" his mother's voice cut into his thoughts. He shrugged, using those few seconds to let the rush pass.
"I got in a fight."
"Liam!"
He stood silent waiting for the yelling to start. Nobody moved or spoke as his mother stared at him, the anger evident in her face.
"Go to your room." Liam took a step back, surprised at the way the words hit him. It was like she was spitting fire. He dropped his backpack on the floor and walked down the hall to his room.
"Mom, he—"
"Lily, take your brother and help him with his homework. Your dad and I need to talk."
Lily followed her command and led Brody into the kitchen. Sam grabbed Freddie's arm and dragged him into their room. She shut the door and began to pace in front of him.
"Sam—"
"What was he thinking? He's going to get suspended from school! I thought we taught them that fighting is wrong! Did you see him? Did you see his eye? And now he's going to go around flaunting it like it's some kind of accomplishment! What are people going to think? Oh God what is your mom going to think? She's supposed to be coming in four days! I can't believe—"
"Sam it's really not that big of a deal. You used to get into fights all the time"
She stopped pacing and stared at him, the fire still burning in her eyes.
"It doesn't matter what I used to do, we taught them not to. And what do you mean it's not that big of a deal? It's a huge deal! Freddie, he got into a fight! What aren't you getting about that? Your mom is going to freak! I can't take one more of her parenting lectures! I know she means well but—"
"I got your face tattooed on my arm when I was about his age. I doubt my mom's going to start in on you over a black eye."
"That tattoo was fake."
"She didn't know that. Look, let me go talk to him and find out what happened okay?" Freddie started toward the door, waiting for Sam to stop him. He turned back to look at Sam for a second, already trying to figure out what he would say to Liam
"He's grounded for a month. I don't care what kind of story he tells you—"
He turned back toward the door and tried to look more confident than he felt. "Sam. I think I can handle it."
He made his way down the hall to Liam's room and paused in the doorway, watching Liam look through his phone.
"I don't think that's quite what your mother meant by go to your room. Hand over the phone." Liam sighed, placing the phone in Freddie's hand and sitting up. Freddie sat next to him.
"You wanna tell me what's going on?"
"What difference does it make? You're still going to ground me."
"You can't fight in school—"
"It was after school."
"It doesn't matter. Your mom is beyond angry and we're both really disappointed. We raised you better than that."
"I don't care—"
"You don't care about anything, Liam. That's the problem. And I'm not going to take this attitude from you. What you did was unacceptable. You're 12 years old, you know better than this. You're supposed to be setting a good example for Brody. He looks up to you."
"I did set a good example for him! You don't even know what happened!"
"Then clue me in!"
"This dude at school was going to hurt Lily, so I hurt him."
"What are you talking about?"
"He was going to embarrass her on the bus in front of everyone. Lily really likes Ian, but he's this stupid popular kid. She wrote him a note." He turned his face up toward Freddie, his brow furrowed. "You remember when I was nine and I wrote Rayne a note? It was bad. Anyway, he showed the note to all of his friends and Kevin, one of his friends, was going to read it off on the bus in front of everyone. He was going to say really nasty things to her. I heard him telling Ian so I confronted him. I told him to leave her alone or he'd have to deal with me. I thought he would back off because I'm bigger than him but he didn't. He kept saying mean things about her and Ian didn't say anything to him, he just looked at the ground like he didn't care. I'm sick of it. Lily's nice to everyone at school and they all treat her like crap. I couldn't just ignore it anymore, dad. She doesn't deserve that."
"Liam—"
"No, Dad. I don't care. I know you guys are mad but I couldn't let him do that to her! She's my sister and we might not always get along but I hate what they do to her! They tear her down every single day and I'm just sick of standing around while they do it. I'm sick of them hurting her and making her cry. So ground me if you want to but it won't make me regret it. Not for a second." His speech over, Liam slumped down, his elbows laid over his knees.
Freddie sighed. "Let me go talk to your mom." He stood up, still trying to comprehend what he just heard. Liam had made good on his threat to protect his sister. And while a part of him still wanted to be angry, the other part of him wanted to pat his son on the back for standing up for Lily.
He walked into his bedroom, his mind still fuzzy. "Sam, I think we should reconsider his punishment."
Sam turned around, her face drained of all the color it had 10 minutes ago. He barely noticed, how quiet she was as she sat on the bed, wringing her hands. He knew he'd only have seconds to state his case before she started yelling and telling him what a pushover he was.
"I talked to Liam and…"
"Freddie…" her voice was soft, but he kept going.
"No Sam, just hear me out! He had a good reason for doing what he did! And I think…"
"Freddie!" she yelled now but when he searched her face, there was no anger there, a fact that made him pause. "We have bigger problems now."
"What's wrong?"
"Your mom. She's in the hospital."
X
He felt useless.
He'd heard what happened several different times, heard about how the driver of the other car was too busy texting to pay attention to what he was doing. He'd heard about how that driver, going 75 miles an hour, crossed into his mom's lane of traffic and hit her head on. He'd heard the doctors and nurses tell him that it wasn't likely she was going to recover; to hope for the best but prepare for the worst, but all he could do was sit in a chair next to her bed, his arms crossed and his eyes set on her face. She had to wake up. She had grandchildren she had to watch grow up. She wasn't allowed to die.
Sam had been in and out of the room all day. Each time she'd come in she'd watch him for a few minutes and then exit without saying a word. She had brought Lily and Liam into the room briefly, but after watching Lily's face go white she decided it wasn't such a good idea to have them there.
He felt numb; not sure what to think, say or do. He didn't expect his mother to live forever, but he never prepared himself for the day he'd have to say goodbye. He was a planner, he had a plan for everything. There was no plan for this and without a plan he was lost.
Sam entered the room again, hovering briefly in the doorway before closing the door and pulling a chair next to Freddie.
"Hey."
Freddie nodded, not taking his eyes off his mom. She had to wake up. People like her didn't die because of car accidents.
"You wanna talk?"
He shook his head. Talking was the last thing he wanted to do. He'd heard enough talking throughout the course of the day. Doctors, nurses, Spencer. Everyone talked, tried saying things to make him feel better, but that wouldn't happen unless she opened her eyes and told him everything was okay.
Sam took his hand, breaking his concentration and nearly forcing him to look at her. She stared down at his hand, not wanting to push the conversation onto him but feeling just as helpless as he was. She couldn't help him any more than he could help his mom.
He sighed, shifting in his seat to face Sam.
"I'm fine. Right now it's a lot to take in and it's even more to take in when people keep repeating it. All I want is to watch her, to see her wake up. I don't want to talk anymore. I don't want to hear any more about it. Whatever happens happens. I know it upsets you, but that's all I want and need right now."
"Okay," she whispered, dropping his hand and standing up. He stopped her, his eyes locked on hers.
"Stay with me."
She sat back down, recognizing the look his eyes. He was scared, and rightfully so. Nobody knew what was going to happen and the longer they waited, holding onto something they were unsure of, the more the fear grew.
They sat in silence for a while just listening to the machines in the room and the nurses chatting and laughing in the hallway. Freddie resumed his previous position; arms crossed and eyes focused on his mom. Sam watched him, counting the breaths he took. He pretended not to notice, he didn't expect her to do much else. Although their relationship had improved greatly, his mom wasn't her mom and she didn't know her like he did. She hadn't spent her entire life going to her for advice.
Sam rested her head on his shoulder, finally giving up watching him to focus her attention on his mom. He shifted again, putting his arm around her. She sighed, her focus still on his mom.
"I'm sorry."
That was another thing he was sick of hearing. Apologies wouldn't make the situation better, not even if they came from the 22 year old kid who put his mom in the hospital in the first place. He wasn't mad at Sam, though. She'd barely said a word to him since she told him what happened. She didn't know what to say or do and he couldn't blame her.
"It's not your fault she's here, Sam."
"I know. I just…"
"I know. But like I said, whatever happens, happens. We just have to wait and see."
"Can I get you anything? Food or a blanket or a book?"
"No. I'm fine. Just stay with me."
She moved closer to him and both sat in silence for a while before she spoke up.
"I wish I could help you."
"Sam!" he took a deep breath. "Just please stop. You're not helping. I don't want to talk about it anymore."
Sam looked up at him, shrugging his arm off her shoulder. She stood up.
"I'm just going to go call Spencer and check on the kids."
Freddie nodded, knowing full well that she was leaving because she didn't want to say anything that would start a fight. He didn't mean to snap on her, but the stress of the situation was starting to get to him and it was getting more difficult to keep himself together.
She closed the door quietly, leaving him alone with his mom again. He leaned forward, taking her hand in his and closing his eyes.
"Stay strong, mom. Don't leave me."
X
"Spencer, is grandma going to be okay?"
Spencer sighed, looking down at Lily. Between her and the boys he'd heard the same question at least fifteen times and each time he answered the same way.
"You have to ask your parents."
He wanted to tell them, to explain that their grandma was probably not going to get better, but Sam had specifically asked him to keep his mouth shut and keep them distracted. It was all but killing him, especially when he looked at the three innocent kids sitting in his living room. It wasn't fair. They were so young, especially Brody. He wouldn't understand what was going on. Freddie was probably going through hell. When Spencer picked them up at the airport that morning he looked miserable. Spencer remembered that moment after his mom had died. He felt like his whole world had just shattered. Suddenly he was thrown into a very adult world, responsible for Carly and trying to keep his dad from using alcohol to deal with the hurt. In the end his dad got on a submarine and he was left to raise Carly on his own.
The apartment door opened and Sam came walking in. She looked just as miserable as Freddie had that morning. Then again, she had just spent the last three hours at the hospital with Freddie. That kind of pain drains a person, and she was looking the part of someone who was physically and emotionally drained.
"Lily, Liam, Brody. Come sit on the couch, please."
The kids got up from the floor, abandoning their game of 'Life' and sat together on the couch. Sam sighed, moving to sit next to Brody.
"You guys know grandma is in the hospital."
They nodded, their eyes focused on her.
"Is she okay?" Sam looked over at Lily. She wasn't sure how to do this. She couldn't breathe and she was sure they could hear her heart beating. She took Brody's hand, skimming her eyes over the faces of her kids.
"Grandma's very hurt."
"But…" Lily hesitated, unsure of whether she wanted to know the answer to the question she was about to ask. She'd seen her grandma in the hospital and knew it was bad. "Is she going to be okay mom?"
Sam shook her head. "I don't know, sweetie. I just know she's very hurt. All we can do right now is pray, okay?"
"Can we go see dad?"
"Not right now. Dad is very…well we're just going to give him some time with grandma. Why don't you go back to your game? I've got to talk to Spencer."
She stood up and watched her kids return to the game board on the floor. Spencer took a deep breath and stepped into the kitchen. He stood behind the island, waiting for Sam. She made her way forward, stopping on the other side of the island and glancing at her kids to make sure they weren't listening.
"How is she?"
"She's bad, Spence. This is gonna kill Freddie."
"Have you talked to him about it?"
"He doesn't want to talk. He keeps saying 'whatever happens happens' but Spencer, I know what's going to happen. It's already started."
"Does he know?"
"I don't know. Whenever the doctor comes in to talk to us it's like he tunes him out."
"It's hard to hear those things, Sam."
"I know," she looked over at her kids again. "But I'm scared. I'm scared he's going to stay like this when…it…happens."
"Do you want me to talk to him?"
"No. It won't do you any good. He pretends to listen but I don't think he's absorbing anything anyone is telling him."
"Maybe I can come down to the hospital with you when they tell him…try to be a source of help to him. I've been there."
"I don't know, Spence. I don't want the kids there when that happens. It makes me nervous. I don't want them to see her…or Freddie…like that."
"I understand. Do you know how long?"
"They're saying 24 to 48 hours. God this is so unfair. People put themselves at risk every day by smoking or drinking and driving or texting and driving and they're fine, but Marissa takes great care of herself and she's in a hospital bed. I think what makes me more mad is that the kid who caused all this is just fine."
"The worst happens to the best and the best happens to the worst."
"Apparently. Anyway, I'm going to head back to the hospital. You okay with watching the kids?"
"Yeah it's fine. Go to your husband."
Sam walked toward the door again, stopping briefly to say goodbye to her kids before leaving again.
X
He knew.
Everyone thought he ignored them, refused to listen to the words coming out of their mouths, but he knew. He knew there was no use in hoping and praying anymore. She wasn't going to get better.
Sam had joined him early that morning, bringing food from the restaurant down the street, which sat untouched by the window, and a blanket. He hadn't slept in two days. He was too nervous to sleep.
He appreciated the company. When Sam was around he had something to keep it together for: his family.
"How are we going to tell the kids?" he asked. Sam jumped. It was the first time Freddie had spoken all morning.
"I don't know. I guess we'll just tell them straight forward."
"Brody's only seven years old. You can't just take him aside and say 'grandma died'."
"I don't know, Freddie. Let's not worry about that right now."
"We need to worry about it, Sam. We need to start making arrangements, making decisions. We have to call the kids into school; we need to start preparing ourselves."
"You can't just start planning your mom's funeral before she's even gone."
He was silent. He didn't want her to know. Not yet.
Sam took his hand. "Why don't you get some sleep?"
"I'm not tired. Besides, there's too much to do."
"There's nothing to do right now."
"Sam!" He took a deep breath. "Don't start, okay? I'm done holding onto something that isn't going to happen is just…it's not something I can do anymore."
"She's not a puppy, Freddie. She's your mom and the way you're talking right now makes it sound like you don't care about her at all."
"No, Sam. I have to do this because I care about her. I'm her only child. I'm all she's got. Everything that needs to be taken care of after she's gone is my responsibility. It's my job to take care of things, to follow through on the things she outlined for after she's gone. This is what I have to do. Take it or leave it."
"Whatever. I'll be in the waiting room."
She left the room quickly, leaving him alone in the silence again. The machines were gone. The doctor took them away when he told them there was nothing else they could do. He reached for his mom's hand again.
"I will do whatever I have to do, mom."
There was a knock on the door and Freddie looked up at the clock. The doctor was right on time.
"Hello again, Mr. Benson."
"Dr. Marshall."
Freddie moved back, allowing the doctor to scoot past him. He did this every hour; he'd come in, listen to her heart, and leave again. They hadn't really talked; Freddie wasn't up for talking. He just wanted something to happen. He'd hoped for good news the whole time, but now he'd accepted reality and he knew the words the doctor would be speaking in just a few seconds would not be what he wanted to hear. He could have gotten him, let him know as soon as he noticed, but he wanted a little more time with her; a little more time to say everything he needed to say. He hadn't said anything, though, just stared like he'd been doing the past two days. The doctor turned to him.
"Mind if we have a chat?"
Freddie motioned to the chair beside him and the doctor sat down.
"I've been a doctor for several years. I've dealt with all sorts of patients and families. This kind of situation is never easy to deal with, it's never easy to say goodbye to someone you love. The unknown is a scary thing. She hasn't felt a thing, Mr. Benson, if that's any comfort to you, and know that we've done all that we could do to help her. Do you know where she wants to go?"
"People's Memorial. They're all ready for you when you call." Freddie reached for her hand again. "So that's it then."
The doctor nodded, standing up. "I'm sorry, son."
X
He was sitting on the fire escape, his attention focused towards the dark clouds in the sky. The earth was hurting with him and it felt just right. He'd gone numb hours ago, not just from the pain settled into his heart and the pit of his stomach, but because the night air had been nipping at him since he came out here. His mind had been foggy when he left the apartment, so he'd left his jacket inside. He didn't care. It was just another thing to remind him he was there alone.
He sighed, leaning forward and resting his face in his hands. It made no sense. He'd prayed every day, asking God to bring her back, to turn her back into the woman he had known his entire life, and now, so suddenly, she was gone and he never had a chance to tell her how much he loved her, how much he appreciated her or how much life without her was going to suck. He thought he had more time, but he knew deep down that he didn't. It was a fact he hadn't been willing to admit, and now it was too late to go back.
He looked back up at the sky. The moon was trying to peak back through the clouds, but every time a little light shone it was surrounded by darkness again.
"Yeah moon, that's exactly how I feel too."
Sam would kill him if she found him out there, but he didn't want to be around her anymore. He didn't want to be around anyone. Everyone kept looking at him like he was a lost puppy; they didn't understand. Nobody understood. One night changed everything for him, and the guy who caused it was walking around, breathing, talking and living. He hated him.
"Mom," he whispered the word, hating how it pulled on his heart and made him want to throw the chair he was sitting on over the railing. He'd never see her look at him again, he'd never hear her talk or read her letters. It was all over. "I shouldn't be here, mom. This shouldn't be happening."
The last twelve years he'd spent across the country, away from her, and now he regretted it.
"I shouldn't have taken that job over there. I should have been in Seattle, I should have been where you were so I could see you every day. I can't believe I was so stupid. No job was more important than my relationship with you. I only have—had—one mom. How did I let this happen?"
He sighed again, knowing he would never get an answer from her. The pulling on his heart grew stronger and he bit back tears.
"No, I'm not going to do this. You told me what you wanted and I'm going to do it for you. I can't do this right now. I have to keep it together and get this done and be here for the kids and—"
He hesitated, knowing the words coming from his mouth were pointless. He'd never manage that. He wished he could. He wished he had the strength to not let it affect him, but anytime someone mentioned her it hurt, like someone had stabbed a knife into his chest and continued to twist it around.
"God I miss you. I never thought this day would come."
He wiped the stray tears from his eyes and continued to stare at the clouds. He'd planned on years of preparation before he had to deal with the loss of his mother, and if she hadn't been on the road that day he'd probably still have it.
"It's almost funny," he laughed. "Hell, maybe it would be funny if you were still around to laugh about it. You always thought some kind of bug was going to bite you and you were going to get a disease. You were so cautious about everything and someone else's stupid choice ruined that for you. Maybe it's not funny at all, maybe I'm just crazy, but it's better than feeling how I feel."
"But I'm not going to let this break me, mom. I've learned from it. I know what the important things are in life now. Family. Friends. And I'm not going to waste another minute taking them for granted. I don't want to live my life with regrets, mom."
He looked at his watch and then back up at the sky.
"I better go inside, it's nearly 6:00. I miss you, mom. I love you."
X
Sam woke up in the morning and noticed the person sleeping next to her was gone. She looked at the clock. It was only 7:00 in the morning and she could hear him talking in the kitchen. She groaned. It was too early for him to be talking to anyone.
She rolled out of bed and walked out the door. He was sitting at the counter, phone in his hand and papers scattered in front of him. She rolled her eyes. He hadn't talked to her all day yesterday and he had already started making arrangements before they even told their kids. She knew what was going to happen. He did it every time he was upset.
"Freddie?"
He turned and waved at her before turning back to the counter. She folded her arms and walked over to him.
"What are you doing?"
"Just a second, Sam."
"Come back to bed, it's early."
"I'm not tired."
She bit her tongue. She didn't want to upset him even more, but his attitude towards his mother's death was making her mad. She knew how he felt, but he refused to acknowledge it. Not out loud at least. He hung up the phone and turned back to her.
"Good morning," he smiled. Sam shook her head.
"How are you?"
"I'm fine."
"Freddie—"
"Sam, stop."
"We need to talk to the kids."
"I can't."
"Yes, baby, you can. You have to."
"Please, don't start this now, Sam. Just accept my answer and let it go."
"You can't ignore this."
"I'm not ignoring it."
"Baby—"
"I'm not ignoring it, I'm just trying to get stuff done. It's better for both of us if you just let me do what I need to do and leave it alone."
"This is something you need to do."
"Stop."
"What?"
"Just stop, okay? I know what you're trying to do and I'm not falling for it. You don't know me better than I know myself, Sam. I'm telling you I'm doing what I need to do."
"Falling for what? I want you to talk to me."
"And I want you to leave me alone."
"You need to deal with this, Freddie."
"What do you know about dealing with things? You've NEVER had to deal with something like this, Sam! You can't tell me how to deal with it when you have no idea what it feels like!"
"No, Freddie, I don't know what it feels like! But I do know what it feels like to not have my mom around! And as much as she was your mom she was my mother-in-law and my kids grandma so tell me more about how I don't know what it's like!"
"You don't know! You don't know a damn thing! You hated her most of your life, Sam! Up until eight years ago you couldn't stand her! You have no idea how much it hurts to lose her because you didn't know her like I did!"
"I know she raised you better than this! Is this how it's going to be? You're just going to check out and ignore everyone and everything and pretend you're fine? Because that's not fair to—"
"Fair? You want to talk to me about fair? My mom's dead because of some asshole who couldn't wait five minutes to look at his phone! FIVE MINUTES! That is not fair! It's not fair that someone who spent her entire life trying to protect herself from everything has her life ripped away from her because of some stupid kid! It's not fair that I have to spend the rest of my life without her! Don't talk to me about fair, Sam!"
Sam took a deep breath, waiting until she had more control of herself before she spoke.
"No, Freddie. It's not fair. It's not fair that you lost her. It's not fair that our kids will never have the chance to know her as well as you did. None of it is fair. She didn't deserve what happened to her, but it doesn't change the fact that it happened. If I could change it, or take away the pain I know you're feeling and I know they're going to feel I would do it in a second, but I can't. We can't change the situation, Freddie, and we can't stop it from hurting but we can tell our kids the truth and be the kind of parents she showed us how to be."
Sam turned and walked out the door of the apartment. He stared at the door, the calm words she'd just spoken echoing around him. He could hear her telling the kids to sit down, explaining that she had to talk to them. He could hear one of them crying and it made his heart drop into his stomach. One of his kids was upset and he was so wrapped up in how he felt that he was allowing them to go it alone. She sighed, standing up. He couldn't let her do this alone. He couldn't let them do it alone.
When he entered the apartment Lily was heading up the stairs. He watched her hand move up to her face and wipe the tears away. He stopped her, turning her around and wrapping her up in his arms.
"Lily…"
"Daddy I don't want to hear it. Please. I don't want to know."
"I know, baby girl. I know. But I think you need to. I think you need to hear it."
"No," she begged. "Please."
"We're not trying to hurt you, Lily bug."
"Please just let me go upstairs. I can't—I can't listen to it. I don't want to know what he did to her, dad. Please." He sighed, letting her go.
"Okay," he whispered, kissing the top of her head. "Okay." She turned again and ran up the stairs.
"It's that guy from the news, isn't it mom?" Freddie turned at the sound of Liam's voice. Sam nodded, not making eye contact with either of the boys.
"Yes, Liam. That's him. From what we were told he was texting and driving when he hit grandma."
"But she was okay right? I mean, she didn't die when he hit her, so she must have been okay…"
"No, honey. I'm sorry. Grandma was very hurt. It was…" Sam looked over her shoulder at Freddie. He was still standing by the stairs, hands in his pockets and his eyes on the floor. "It was too much for her to try to fight against. But she did try, Liam. You know your grandma. She gave it everything she had. She made it a lot longer than they expected her to."
"So that's it?" he looked over at his dad. "She's just gone?"
Freddie walked behind Sam and put his hands on her shoulders. "Why don't you go check on Lily?" She nodded, getting up quickly and going up the stairs. Freddie took her spot.
"Come here boys." He patted the spot next to him and Liam joined him on the couch. He pulled Brody into his lap.
"Now listen to me. You may not be able to see her or hear her, but you can always talk to her. She's not really gone. You know that right?"
"Like Cassie?" Brody asked. Freddie nodded.
"Just like Cassie. And in her own way grandma will answer you. It won't be her voice or a letter, but it will be just as special as she is."
"Is grandma where Cassie is, daddy?"
Freddie looked down at him and nodded again. "Yeah buddy, she's with your big sister."
"Do you miss her?"
"Very much," he answered, pulling Liam closer to him.
"What about the other guy?" Liam asked.
"What about him?"
"What's going to happen to him?"
"That's for the court to decide."
"I hope he gets the death sentence."
"Liam—"
"What? He killed grandma all because he couldn't keep his stupid phone in his pocket. He deserves to die."
"Nobody deserves to die, Liam, no matter what they do. I know you're upset; I'm upset too, but you're not going to talk that way. We're not going to resort to that."
"I'm sorry," he sighed. "I'm just…it's not fair dad."
"I know it isn't. I feel the same way. It sucks."
"I don't wanna say goodbye to her."
"I know buddy. I wish you didn't have to. But we're going to get through this, okay? If you two or Lily ever need me I'll be there. I love you guys more than anything and I'll never turn you away if you want to talk. Okay?"
"Okay."
He pulled his boys closer to him and closed his eyes. Today was the first day of a completely different life.