DISCLAIMER: I don't own The Office, can I say it enough?
I really don't know how to write this chapter, so please forgive; it won't be as good as the others. Not that they were very good, but you know. Let me know what you think. Enjoy!
The school gym, where Pam had so many memories (getting hit in the head with a dodge ball, getting hit in the head with a basketball, getting hit in the head with a tennis ball, getting hit in the head with a softball…) had been transformed into a nice (maybe slightly tacky) room with silver and pink streamers streaming along the walls along with large bunches of balloons and big bouquets of flowers. Spinning wildly around the large space for dancing were bright colourful lights, next to the DJ table. A little way away from the dance floor were lots of small, circle tables with shiny white tablecloths that reached the floors. In the middle of the tables was a bouquet of roses.
"Wow." Pam said. "Pretty…I think."
"It's a bit much." Stacey added, wrinkling her nose, fingering a gaudy bunch of flowers.
"I…I think it's nice." Claudia said loyally. The guys just groaned exaggeratedly and headed for the food. Pam touched her corsage – gorgeous little white rosebuds. She took a deep breath. Something was going to happen tonight, she could feel it. She scanned the room, but she couldn't see Jim anymore. She didn't even know why she looked; it had simply become a habit. Terri peered over her shoulder.
"Who are you looking for? Roy's by the food table."
"Oh, I…no one. Never mind."
They mingled and laughed for a while, taking photos and requesting songs from the DJ before sitting down to eat. Pam looked, dismayed at the plate of mystery meat and vegetables with a lumpy, white sauce.
"Hmm, yum." Stacey mumbled sarcastically, giggling good naturedly. Roy digged in. He would eat anything. Pam poked at her food, but she only managed the vegetables and a stick of bread. She tried the meat, but it was burnt and she gave up after 2 bites, because her jaw began to ache from chewing. Dessert was a chocolate brownie with a scoop of ice-cream, which was pretty good. Not a moment after Pam swallowed her last bite; Roy grabbed her hand and led her to the dance floor. They danced for 2 fast songs, but Pam felt hollow and worried. She was forgetting something…she had to ask Roy something. She had to ask him about what Jim said. She couldn't get those haunting words out of her head. Did she dare ask? On one hand, she was happy being popular and self assured. But was she really self assured? Because, on the other hand, she was always thinking about Jim and feeling empty. It was like she had a ticket, a ticket to be cool, and every day she handed it in, taking a huge breath hoping it hadn't expired. But one day…it would expire. If what Jim had said was true, her ticket would expire the second Roy found a new girl. And if that was the case…well, what was the point? And if it wasn't the case? Pam took in a sharp breath as she answered her own question – again, what was the point?
Pam paced in the girls room. She didn't know what she was doing, her emotions where a whirlwind in her head. Hurt, ashamed, angry, regretful…you name it, she was feeling it. Pam thought carefully – what should she do? Suddenly, a thought struck her. She remembered how she used to calm herself down, convince herself of things. How long had it been since she'd done that? She tried to remember. Thinking back to when she had done that, she seemed so young and vulnerable. But it had worked.
"Okay, Beesly, calm down. Just breathe. 3 deep breaths." She muttered.
"There you go, keep breathing. Okay, study the facts. He's using you, Jim's right. You know he's right. He's always right, he's Jim. If I was somebody else, watching me, what would I tell myself to do?" Pam closed her eyes and stopped pacing. "I would say: break up with him. He's not worth it…" Pam snapped her head up, her eyes flying open. "Don't think, just do it." She said aloud quickly, and marched out the door.
She found Roy at the snack table, chatting with some friends. She tapped him on the shoulder, her heart pounding so loudly and quickly she was sure everyone could hear it. Her legs were shaking, any confidence she had fading. She could feel her shadow seeping back into her, the Old Pam slipping in. Roy turned.
"Can I talk to you for a sec?" Pam barely whispered.
"Hang on, 1 minute…" Roy began to turn away.
"Actually, it can't really wait." Okay, where was this coming from?
"Pam." Roy said in a low, strangled voice. "I'm busy." He sounded annoyed. He probably didn't like to be interrupted while he was with friends.
"Roy." She said bravely. "This can't wait. I need to talk to you now." Roy turned and faced her, clearly shocked.
"What?" He said, irritated.
"Tell me something truthfully. Just…be completely honest. I heard something, and I just need to know if it's true." Roy waited. His friends peered around his shoulders; curiously, trying to see what was going on. Pam felt sick to her stomach. Was this happening?
"Was I…like…your last resort or something?" She blurted out. She was pleased her voice had stayed controlled. "I heard that I was your last resort, that you'd dumped all the other girls or couldn't get a date with them. I also heard that you were pleased that I was changing. For you." Roy was blushing now. He glanced at the people around them, embarrassed.
"Pam, c'mon, I…"
"Just. Tell me the truth." She was feeling weary again. She just wanted a straight answer.
"Yes, okay?" Roy snapped quietly. He took her arm and began to lead her away. "Let's just talk somewhere else…"
"No." Pam was surprised at how forceful her voice sounded. She yanked her arm away. People began to look over, listening. "I can't believe this." Pam hissed. "You've been using me this whole time! I can't believe I was so stupid, I can't believe I fell for this!" Her voice was rising on every word. Stacey and her other friends rose from their table, watching the scene. Pam put her hands to her throbbing head. "Ugh, I am so blind! You've just been using me, changing me to be your perfect little girlfriend, like what you do to every other girl you date!" A handful of girls gasped. Pam was getting really angry now. Roy gaped at her. She felt like smacking right on his gaping mouth. She felt dizzy. "You are a pig Roy Anderson." She spat the words out as if they were poison. "You have no respect for girls, you mould them until your happy and then you toss them away, like were just puppets with broken strings! Well, screw you. I'm not going to be your little puppet anymore. Everyone was right; you're just a conceited, obnoxious jerk. You only care about yourself!" A collective gasp went through the crowd. Almost everyone was listening now, craning their necks to see Roy Anderson getting a taste of his own medicine.
"Pam!" He exclaimed, face red.
"I don't want to hear it Roy! I won't be a last resort! I won't be used up, like, like hot water! I'm my own person and you can't accept that!" Pam couldn't think straight. She had to get out of here, she had to run now. She though she might faint. "It's over, this…this whole thing is just over!" Roy blushed furiously as he looked around at the crowd that had just seen him get dumped. Pam spun on her heel and pushed her way though the crowd. She burst out the doors. She thought she heard clapping and several people yelling:
"Go Pam!" "Way to go!" But she didn't care. She couldn't care about anything but running. She ran and ran and ran, tears streaming down her face, until her legs gave way and she collapsed on the side of a road. The grey clouds in the sky finally gave way, letting lose buckets of heavy rain. Pam began to sob. The road was empty and muddy, the clouds covered the moon and she sat in wet, muddy darkness, scared and sad and lost. She miserably pulled off her shoes letting them fall to the ground beside her. Her hair had fallen loose now, the rain gently curling it into waves. There was fresh tear in her stocking and her corsage was crushed and limp. Raindrops mingled with the tears on her face. She sat there, crumpled and shivering, feeling broken.
"I am so stupid." She choked out through tears and chattering teeth. "I have no friends and no hope and no…no…Jim." She choked out a heaving sob. "What's the point? I've lost any chance I ever had of being his friend. I threw away the most important person in my life and I ignored every chance he gave me." She couldn't see anything threw the rain anymore. A single streetlight flicked on at that moment. A sign? Pam wondered half heartedly. Was there…by any chance…hope? Her bare skin was cold now, from the rain and the wind, exposed under a pool of the glowing streetlight. Sign or not, Pam wanted to get out of here. She grabbed her shoes and stumbled to her feet, beginning to run again. She ran fast, stumbling and tripping, stones and sticks sharp against her stockinged feet. Pam sprinted until she saw a familiar street sign. She made her way quickly from there own, until she skidded to a stop in front of her house. She stared at it for a moment, and then burst into fresh tears. Slippery bits of grass clung to her arms, itchy and slimy against her bare skin. Pam took a few deep breaths and wiped away some tears. She didn't want her mother to make a big scene. She didn't feel like explaining. She ran inside, locking the doors. Only one light was on, Pam was relieved to see. Everyone was asleep. She tiptoed upstairs and made it all the way to her room before collapsing in a tearful heap on her bed. She lay down, burying her head in her pillow. She expected heaving sobs and large tears but instead she cried silently, tears slipping down her face, dripping down her chin. She rolled over, staring out the window at the stormy clouds and bucketing rain. And then…plink. Plink. Plink. Was that rain on her window? Pam sat up and looked at her window. No, it was…stones. Stones? Pam leapt up and hurried to the window, brushing grass off her arms and dress. She ran her thumb under each eye and looked out the window. No…it couldn't be. But it was. There, in the middle of the lawn in pouring rain at midnight, holding a big bouquet of colourful flowers stood Jim Halpert.
Ahh, how adorable is Jim? I mean, just writing about him makes me happy. Okay, anyway, it's pretty much a law that you have to review, because I'm worried about this chapter. Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed! xx