AN: Meant to have this up yesterday, sorry for the delay. Hope you enjoy.
Chapter Eleven: In which there is scheming.
"Who?" Eliana asked, eyes too wide from the booze and swaying slightly in her chair. "Wait, wait. Coyote. As in, uh, yeah?"
"That's the one," Dionysus admitted.
"I told you not to fool with peyote anymore!" Eros snapped "And this is why- that old son of a bitch will make you regret it. And now I regret it."
"It was quite fun, if that's any consolation."
"It isn't."
"Well…. Sorry?"
Eliana looked back and forth between the gods. Finally she said, "I have the spins. I'm going to go lay down now, before things get too out of control and I spend the next few hours horking."
"I'm in the same boat. That Cuervo is not agreeing with me," Dionysus said. "Congratulations, dear. You've bested a god. In more ways than one."
"I'll celebrate later," she said and thunked her head on the table.
"For a mortal, she's fun," the drunken god said.
"How are you going to get it back?"
"I don't know. I was sort of hoping you'd never try and reclaim it."
"I'll do it," Eliana said, voice muffled by her proximity to the tabletop.
"What?" Eros asked.
"I said I'd get it back. So, I will. Get it back." She picked up her head and winced at the internal spin it caused. "Where is Coyote? I have a few bones to pick with him, too."
"Last I heard he was in Monterey."
"What the hell is he doing all the way out here?" she asked. "Isn't it a bit far from home?"
"Said it was more interesting here. More people to fuck with."
She made a noise of frustration. "I knew it! I knew my life was too bizarre to be normal! Who breaks their ass in front of a god, granted I didn't know it was you at the time? Who becomes overly fond of a cat I lovingly refer to as the creature in the purple room? Who, besides me-"
"Hang on, hang on," Dionysus interrupted. "Creature in the purple room?"
"Nicci's grandparents have a cat. A fat, calico hairless cat. Named Rosie. And I heart it."
"I didn't know that. Now I'm not sure if even I can get you out of cat lady territory," Eros said.
"But…." she protested with a small whimper.
He looked at her, unable to believe that she was a weepy drunk. "Stop that."
"Ok," she said and shrugged. "When are we going after Coyote? He needs an ass kicking."
Dionysus laughed at her. "My sweet Eliana. You are fooling yourself."
"What? You don't think I could take him?"
"Truthfully? No. After all, this is the trickster god. He's not as easy to beat as you might think."
"I, at least, want to know what the hell's up with the creature in the purple room. That one's just scary."
"I'm not sure even Coyote's responsible for that one," Eros told her. "You're simply not giving you own insanity enough credit."
"Gee, thanks." She stretched and regretted it as the spins got ever so slightly worse. "I think… I need a cookie."
"What is it with you and cookies?" Dionysus asked with a laugh.
"I keep smelling them! Are you sure he's not baking cookies?"
"I'm not baking cookies," Eros assured.
"I am going crazy. It's a whole lot more fun than I thought it would be, what with the hanging out with gods and all. In fact, that's pretty damn cool, as long as you don't think about it too hard." She winced. "Thought about it too hard. Crazy hurts."
Dionysus laughed again. "Poor, poor, Eliana," he said with a cluck and reached over to pat her shoulder.
"So, how am I going to get this bow of yours back. I'm assuming drunken Texas Hold 'Em is out."
"It is," Dionysus agreed.
"And I'm too clumsy to just steal it back. Unless… Eros, why don't you go on a spirit journey with him and I'll sneak it off."
"No."
"Damn. Well, I'm not going on a spirit journey," she said and frowned in thought. "What about ninjas? Do you know any ninjas?"
"No," Eros said firmly with the tone of voice of one wondering how they got themselves into a particularly frustrating mess.
"Any suggestions, Dionysus?" she asked.
"Trade him something."
"But I don't have anything to trade that a god would want."
"Sure you do," Dionysus with a lecherous wink.
"Besides that! And no!"
Eros walked up behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders. "Dionysus, I'll throw you out if you don't stop."
"Touchy as ever, I see," he said. He shook his head vigorously enough to make Eliana feel nauseous in sympathy. "Well, that cleared the blood stream a bit. Time to work on failing the breath-a-lyzer again."
"That's just sick," Eliana said. "And wouldn't you fail the breath-a-lyzer in your natural state?"
"She's got your sense of humor, Eros. You ought to keep her."
"Dionysus, if I were you I'd work on figuring out how to get my bow back, not torturing the mortal."
"I'm not torturing her, am I, lovey?" he asked Eliana.
"A bit. Now, back to plotting. What do I have to trade, besides my penocha."
This time the god of the grape and the mortal girl laughed. "Woo," she said after a moment. "I'm drunker than I thought."
"But not drunk enough, here, have some wine."
"That's a quick way to get me on my knees."
"Wait… on your knees doing what?"
"Pervert!" she snapped with a snort as Eros' grip on her shoulders tightened and he yelled himself, "Dionysus!"
"I can't help myself, cousin. You know how I get around pretty girls," he looked honestly cowed for about two seconds before he was laughing again. "Now then… you're not willing to trade your most obvious and valuable asset."
"I like to think I have more to offer than that," she protested as Eros moved into the chair next to her.
"Well, what else is there?" he asked with a note of defeat in his voice.
"Hey!" she protested.
"That didn't come out as I meant it to."
"Yeah, it did, you're just trying to make me feel better about it now. And I'm not having sex with a god."
Dionysus laughed and laughed at that.
"What's so funny, chipster?"
"Oh, you just looked so earnest about it, with your chin in the air and that little toss of you head."
"I am earnest about it. I'm not having sex with Coyote. Or the rest of you immortals."
"We're not such a bad lot," he said, degenerating into a fit of giggles. "Sometimes, I'm just too funny for myself."
"Whatever, Drunky McDrinksalot."
"If I didn't like you so much, I'd smite you. But as it is, I'd like to do something beside smite you."
"I was serious about throwing you out," Eros said.
"Fine, fine."
"Ninjas are out?" she asked, changing the subject from Dionysus' desire to get into her pants.
"We don't know any ninjas, Ellie," Eros said with a sigh.
"Then what do we do?"
"I could always owe him a favor," Eros said, not looking at all happy about the prospect. "I hate the idea of owing a favor to a god like Coyote, though."
"Out of the question," Eliana said. "I said I would get it back. If you go off and trade for it, then there's no reason for you to hold up your end of our deal. So, I guess I'll owe Coyote the favor."
"I don't think that's a good idea, cutie," Dionysus said. "You obviously don't know much about the Trickster."
"I know enough to know it's one of the worst ideas I've ever had. But I'm more scared of being eaten by cats than the amount of trouble this favor is going to get me in." She stood, stretching carefully so as not to invite back the spins she had finally managed to get rid of. "Anyway. I'll keep thinking on it. An unknown favor will be the last resort. There must be something I could trade…." she trailed off as she started walking out of the kitchen.
"Where are you going?" Dionysus asked. "The party's just begun!"
"Home. I do have a life besides going on quests for gods."
"I'm hurt," he said, placing one of his hands against his chest.
"Unless you have some great desire to do my Anthropology term paper for me, then I need to get home and finish that. And I'm sure Louisa's worried about me. I've been neglecting her and Annie- they're pretty peeved with me."
"You're all right to get home?" Eros asked. "You're not driving, are you?"
"Now that would've been stupid- I was planning to get the god of the grape drunk. I'll be fine getting home," she assured. "One last time- are you sure you don't have cookies?"
Dionysus laughed, "She wants cookies, Eros. I'd placate her, what with the amount of trouble she's going through to get you bow back."
As he spoke, she began to sway on her feet and stumbled. That prompted a guffaw from Dionysus.
"You should stay here and sober up a bit, girlie."
"I'm fine," she insisted again, grabbing her coat from the back of her chair. "Just 'cause I can't stand still without falling doesn't mean I can't walk back to my apartment."
"I never thought I'd say this, but Dionysus is right," Eros agreed. "Sit back down, I'll go find you some cookies." He picked up his own jacket from a chair back.
"You really don't have to," she said, still standing. "I was serous about having to finish a term paper."
"Sit down, Ellie."
"And if I swear not to fall and break my face?"
"Just sit down."
She plopped back in the chair with a sigh. "I really am ok."
Dionysus patted her shoulder. "Think of it this way, pet, at least you're getting those cookies you wanted."
Eros shook his head as he left them in the kitchen, Dionysus trying to cheer up the still protesting Eliana.
"I really am ok to walk home," he heard her say as he closed the door.