After a brief awkward silence, I sat up shakily and hung my legs over the edge of the bed. I stood and hobbled over to the table where Carol had placed our food, and as I passed the window, I saw the glint of a flashlight, and as I squinted, I could make out Glenn's figure in the moon light, almost frolicking towards the barn, blanket in hand. I heard the screen door downstairs slam, and then saw Maggie running towards Glenn, full speed. Chuckling, I continued my journey across the room for the plate of food. I plopped down on the velvet chair in the corner by the table and began feeding my face.
Daryl laid motionless, but I knew he was awake yet, I could hear the rapid breathing of someone deep in thought, rather than the slowed puffs when your mind is at rest.
"You alright?" I said, between bites of mashed potatoes.
"Fahn," He said, and he turned over to look at me.
"Eat something?" I asked him, and he nodded, sitting up slowly.
"Stay, stay, I'll bring it to you," I said and got to my feet again, picking up Daryl's plate and rushing towards him, like his life depended on it.
"Here," I said, and handed him his plate. I sat down on the edge of the bed next to him and slowly turned to crawl behind where he sat.
"What're you doin?" Daryl asked me as he began to eat. He didn't look back at me, though I know it was killing him not to.
"Can I rub your shoulders? You gotta be sore," I asked, shyly.
"Nah," He said gruffly, and kept his head down.
Me being me, I reached out anyway, and traced a finger along the neckline of his dirty shirt. He flinched lightly, but didn't pull away, "Okay?" I asked, and placed the palm of my hand on the tense muscles on his shoulder.
He nodded slightly, so I placed my other hand on the opposite shoulder and began to knead his muscles. I could physically feel them soften and relax as I rubbed.
I continued, not moving below his shoulders, and when he was done eating, he maneuvered himself around so he was facing me. "My turn," He said, licking food from his fingers, and twirled his index finger, motioning for me to turn around. I did so, and shivered as he placed his hands on my neck, his rough, weathered grip was gritty against my sensitive, soft skin. I sighed as he wrapped my hair gently in his hands and pushed it off to one side so it draped around my shoulder down to my chest. I felt him slide the straps of my tank top and then my bra down, so my shoulders were bare.
"We should head outside," I said, not knowing why I was fighting the inevitable. I held strong though, and got to my feet, pulling my straps back up, "but first, I'm showering," I said, remembering the bathroom with a lovely claw foot tub not 15 feet from where I stood. Daryl grunted, and sat back on the bed. He chewed on his lip, eyeing me moodily. He shook his head and scowled at me, knowing that I knew he was joking, mostly anyway.
I smiled, and stuck my tongue out as I backed into the bathroom, closing the door all but a crack behind me. I turned the hot water on, and breathed deep as the warm vapors opened every pore on my skin. I slipped off the old grimy clothes and threw them in a pile by the door. As I adjusted the temperature, stepped into the sultry water, and pulled the old cotton curtain around the tub, I heard the door squeak and quiet footsteps followed suit. I sunk down into the water, wetting my hair immediately, and surfaced with a gasp as the shock of the burning sensation made goose bumps erupt from my neck down.
"Daryl, can you grab clothes for me? My pack's next to the door," I called out to him, and heard him stump out of the bathroom. He returned a moment later, and I peered out from around the curtain. He had brought me a fitted shirt and a pair of olive green cargo shorts. He set them on the closed toilet and sat down with some difficulty on the floor by the sink.
"Thanks," I said, and grabbed the bar of soap that laid unused on the top of the faucet. As I lathered up, the smell of my Nana's house became present through the soap. It smelled just like she had. She had died nearly 8 years before the outbreak, but I would know the smell anywhere. As I looked at the soap, I saw the familiar engraving: Yardley's Lavender. The smell soon permeated the air, and I heard Daryl cough.
"Goddamn, it smells like old people in here!" he called out, and I tried to contain a giggle. I sunk down further in the water, so I was submerged up to my nose. After I lathered and rinsed my hair, I waited for Daryl to do what I wanted him to do. Though it wasn't what I expected, what came next was a lovely surprise.
"Lemme finish that rub down," he pulled the curtain aside, causing me to shiver from the cooler air penetrating the warm cocoon I was wrapped in.
"Turn around," he ordered, and I sat up, covering my breasts as I turned my back to him, and I reached one arm up to pull my heavy, wet hair over my shoulder again.
"Such nice skin," he mumbled as he palmed my back. I felt myself melting into his touch, and he went on, "that's it. Enjoy it a little bit."
"What is up with you? I mean, it's wonderful, but you seem almost happy," I said quietly, hoping I didn't send him plummeting into another stroppy mood.
"Gettin' shot made me think about how mean I've been, and how my words could be the last someone hears. Don't want 'em to be awful things comin' outta my mouth."
I didn't say anything, but I smiled, twirling a few wet strands of hair round my middle finger. After he said that, neither of us pushed the other for sex. Though I knew we both wanted it, I felt like we could easily walk out of the house without fulfilling that wish. Waiting would make it that much more satisfying the next time, and my groin twitched in anticipation.
Daryl handed me a towel and after rubbing it through my hair, I dabbed off my skin, and once I was dry enough, I slipped on the tshirt and shorts.
"I'm gonna go to bed," I said to him, as I hung the towel on the edge of the bath. I picked up my bag and stuffed the dirty clothes from the floor inside. As I dressed, his jaw snapped up; he'd been eyeing me up and down, and I'm not gonna lie, I loved every second of it. I looked around for my boots and slipped them on, neglecting to tie them, and as I headed down the creaky, antique stairs, I nearly toppled down them because I stepped on the stray shoe lace.
"Careful," I heard Daryl croak behind me, but he quickly tried to cover up his nice words with a sarcastic snicker.
We walked out of the front door, closing the door more subtly than Maggie, and when we got to the edge of the yard, close to our tent and the barn, that's when we both heard it. Glenn and Maggie stood outside, yelling at each other.
"Why does your dad have a barn full of walkers? That's creepy," Glenn's voiced rasped over and as the words were processed by my brain, my stomach did a somersault.
"He just say what I think he said?" Daryl asked me, his little eyes widened and glowing in the moonlight.
"I think so," I said, and placed a hand over my mouth. It was taking everything I had to keep my mouth shut about this one.
"Please! You have to be quiet! Don't tell anyone," Maggie begged, and I couldn't remain quiet anymore.
"What the fuck!?" I said, perhaps a little too loud.
"Please, Heather, keep it down!" Maggie said, her voice shaking.
"How could you keep this from us? We have children with us! What if it was one of them who went nosing around and found those things?" My voice stayed surprisingly steady.
"You don't understand. They're just sick, there's a cure! My step mom's in there! And step brother."
"They're already dead, girl," Daryl said to Maggie as he walked up behind me.
"I can't believe this," And I stalked off towards Daryl's tent. Pulling up each of the 4 stakes, I drug the tent closer to the RV. "No way in hell I'm sleepin' this close to those things," I scoffed and stepped on the stakes again, securing them once again in the hard, dry earth.
I crawled inside the tent and left it open, hoping that Daryl would join me soon, and he did, not 10 minutes later.
"Poor chinese kid. He's got too many damn secrets to keep."
"He's Korean. And it's not just him anymore, we're all stuck keeping these goddamn secrets. I would feel like an asshole being the one to tell, but someone's gotta do it." I reasoned with my thoughts as Daryl zipped up the tent and hunkered down into the sleeping bag. I did the same and despite my efforts, and a few cat naps, I was awake the entire night, my ears prickling at every little sound.
Poor little Sophia was still out there. Or was she? Was she alive? How was Carol doing?
Did my momma suffer before she turned? Were any of my friends alive? Are there ANY survivors besides us? Did Daryl have feelings for me like I have for him? Did Lori tell Rick about the baby yet?
These thoughts and many others plagued me until I heard the birds begin to chirp and the light broke over the horizon, sending stripes and patches of muggy sunlight through the thin fabric of the tent. Daryl snored, still as a rock next to me, so I got to my feet quietly and exited the tent with as little noise as possible. I walked over towards the other tents and realized that Lori and Rick were up. They sat at a fire, and Lori tended to a pot of boiling water that she was probably preparing for coffee.
I tried to sneak back quietly without them seeing me, but I managed to snag my boot in a foot rope holding one of the tents down.
"Shit!" I said as I toppled forward and crashed onto my elbows and knees.
"You alright?" Lori rushed to my side, and when I looked up I saw the surprised expression on Rick's face, his kind blue eyes wide and staring. I shrugged at him subtly as Lori helped me to my feet and he snickered softly.
"How're you feeling?" I said quietly to Lori as she brushed the dirt away from my elbows.
"I'm fine, why wouldn't I be?" And she smiled at me, widening her eyes.
"Oh, I don't know. Just asking," I said, acknowledging her nonverbal request for me to shut the fuck up.
"We're all gonna do target practice today, down in one of the other fields," Rick said, "you should come along," He finished as people started emerging from their tents. They must have heard my grand entrance a moment before.
"I'm a good shot. Not to toot my own horn," and I imitated pulling a truck horn down, "but I'm probably one of the better ones you got. I've gotten better. More steady since the outbreak. I've had to," I said, and Glenn held out a large basket full of peaches. He wouldn't look me in the eyes, and he was lucky. I coulda bored a hole right through him from the heat in my stare.
You better say something, Glenn Rhee.
"I'll stay here. Gonna help Dale and Glenn with the RV, ain't that right?" I said, biting into the peach and my taste buds erupted from the tart but sweet flavor of the ripe fruit, and I looked at the two men.
"Right, sure," Glenn said, and walked again with his basket of peaches.
"'sup?" Tdog yawned and stretched, look at Glenn.
"Nothing. Nothing's up, why?" Glenn cursed under his breath and stormed off.
"Odd kid," Dale said and took a bite of his own peach.
"Daryl, you want a peach?" I called over, and began walking back to the tent and I saw Andrea stooping down holding a book.
"It's not that good, but it's somethin'," She said, and handed it to him.
"What, no pictures?" Daryl said jokingly, flipping through the pages.
"I'm sorry, okay? I feel like shit. I don't expect you to forgive me but..." she said genuinely.
"You were lookin' out for the group. We're good," Daryl said, poking a hole through the plastic on the side of the tent with a spare arrow. Andrea got up to leave.
"But hey..you shoot me again, best pray I'm dead," He called out after her. She came out the tent and looked at me, almost a smug look on her face, though I couldn't quite place it.
"Here," I said, walking into the tent and throwing Daryl a peach.
He bit into it, and I found myself watching his mouth. His thin lips glistened with juice and it then dripped down through his stubbly beard. His teeth were surprisingly white and straight, giving him a gorgeous smile, when he chose to do so.
"Thanks for the peach," He said, holding up the half eaten fruit, "ain't nothin' like a Georgia peach in the middle'a summer."
I smiled and walked back over to the fire. Everyone was up now, and in the process of loading up the cars for the target practice. After they had gone, it was only me, Dale and Glenn left at the camp, besides Daryl who was ordered to stay in the tent while his wounds healed a little bit. I heard Glenn conversing with Dale and gasped.
"The barn's full of walkers and Lori's pregnant," He said breathlessly. No wonder, the poor boy was probably about to explode from the stress of keeping everybody's secrets.
"I'm gonna go talk to Hershel." I said, making my presence known.
"But Maggie'll kill me," Glenn ran his hands down his face.
"You know someone's got to do it," I said and hobbled off towards the stable where I had seen Hershel go into when we first woke.
"That Daryl's horse?" I asked as I saw Hershel wiping down a beautiful copper mare.
"You mean the horse that he stole from me? Yes, this is Nelly," He said
"Borrowed is a more polite term, I think. Daryl's no thief," I said, and went on, "I love the fields round here. Gorgeous. I went for a walk this morning...I ended up outside of the barn," and Hershel's head snapped up and he made eye contact with me briefly.
"I heard the moans," I said, giving some hay to the now relaxed horse as Hershel brushed the dirt and dust from her hair.
"That's unfortunate," He said, and hardly flinched after that.
"Those things are dangerous, Hershel. You have to believe me."
"It was peaceful here before. Until that episode at the well."
"What episode at the well? I was passed out yesterday."
"There was a sick person in one of the wells. It turned very ugly very quickly when your people intervened; they killed him."
"There are children here. We must not have heard the same warning system when this all happened. Those people that got sick, they attacked and killed, they didn't lay in bed asking for chicken noodle soup and tea... They're dangerous," I warned again.
"A paranoid schizophrenic is dangerous too. We don't kill them," Hershel argued.
"These things don't care what mental disorders you have. My brother was a paranoid schizophrenic and he was killed and killed others all the same. Came back a monster that killed my mother right in front of me. He ate her, Hershel. It's time to realize what you're dealing with here. You're cut off from the whole world, your whole family is, and you have no idea what it's like outside of these fences."
"My wife and step son are in that barn," Hershel said, not backing down.
"I'm sorry, but they are dead. There's no cure, no one coming to save us. We protect the living now, not shells of the people we once knew. I went back and killed my mother and brother after they came back. So yes, I'm a murderer, but I didn't know those things that I shot. They weren't my family anymore," I said, feeling a little heroic at that moment.
"Keep quiet about this, that's the best thing you can do to help. My land, my rules," He said, and I realized that I wasn't going to hit this target on the first try, so I decided to try again later.
"Foolish old man," I said, under my breath, but loud enough that he heard me, and I stalked off back to camp.
"What's yer problem?" Daryl was out walking around. He'd taken to carving points onto small branches to make backwoods spears.
"Hershel's a dumbass, that's my problem. Can I have your knife?" I asked Daryl, and though he hesitated, he pulled the old hunting knife from his belt and handed it to me.
"I'm going for a walk," I said, after tucking the knife in the back of my shorts.
"I'm comin' too." Daryl said, obviously bothered by the fact that I wasn't being my normal cheery self.
"Just let me be for a while. I won't go outside the fences. I just need time," I put my hand up, pressing it against Daryl's chest, and my finger instinctively traced the faded tattoo on the right side.
He didn't say anything, but nodded, his eyes squinting in the bright sunlight.
I turned and walked towards the path that had been beaten by Daryl. He went out multiple times a day to hunt, and these woods were his now. As I walked, I thought long and hard about what would happen to the group. All of the things that were happening now were physically and emotionally draining me because Daryl, Glenn and I were the only ones who knew. These secrets would tear us apart, but I didn't want to be the one to have to say something. I found a small cave in the side of a hill and hopped in to sit on one of the huge tree roots. My knees were stinging from when I fell on them this morning, and I rubbed them gingerly. I folded my legs indian style and closed my eyes briefly, trying to find Zen in the solace of the woods. It worked, and I drifted off to a happier time; before any of this.
"Merry Christmas, honey," Momma said as she pecked the top of my head with a quick kiss. She handed me the last gift under the tree; a small square box wrapped in a deep purple paper with a shimmering golden bow.
It was just Momma and me. Logan was in rehab, and Daddy'd been long gone for a while now. I didn't even remember what he'd looked like anymore. Momma took away all the pictures of him so we wouldn't know him if we saw him.
I pulled the bow from the gift and picked the tape from the box, careful not to ruin the paper. I opened the tiny box and pushed aside the tissue paper to reveal a delicate necklace; and thin rose gold chain with a matching pendant, a Celtic knot with a miniature emerald perched in the center of the design.
"Momma!" I exclaimed and unhooked the necklace, pulling aside my thick hair to fasten it. "Thank you so much," I said, standing up to admire the beautiful jewelry in the hallway mirror.
"You're welcome. It looks gorgeous," and she began to cry. They weren't tears of sadness, she was happy. The happy days were far and in between because of Logan and Daddy, so when she smiled, I smiled too. I didn't care what we smiled about, I just wanted to see the old joy that I remembered so favorably.
I heard a twig snap, and my eyes opened to see a chipmunk scurrying through the leaves not 3 feet from me. I reached up to scratch behind my ear and felt the cool brush of a chain on my neck. Feeling around, I realized I had my necklace on. I hadn't before the meditation. "Can't be," And I looked down at my chest to see the little emerald sparkling up at me, pretty as Momma's eyes. How?
I didn't care if I was hallucinating; this was beautiful and I would cherish it. As I got to my feet and made my way back towards the familiar path to the farm, I heard Rick's voice booming through the trees.
"This was the answer? Why wouldn't you tell me about a baby? Lori? And you were harpin' on and on at me for keeping things from you? Who were you to say anything? This stops now, we can't live like this anymore," his hoarse voice echoed.
"I threw up the pills, nothing happened!" Lori cried exasperated.
"Is there anything else you want to tell me?" Rick's voice cracked, and there was a brief pause.
"Shane...I thought you were dead," she whimpered.
"I know...of course I know."
Silence.
"You thought I was dead, world gone to shit. I know," They both sat down on the edge of the path near a padlock facing the setting sun. I figured I better get by them while I could, so I walked as loudly as I could as not to startle them. I kicked rocks and stirred dust up, walking by the two and casting a glance towards both of them.
"Heather," Rick said and nodded. I smiled and nodded back, thankful that at least one of the secrets was out on the table.
After eating a dinner of roasted squirrel, I walked towards the barn, the remnants of the sun shining through the slats in the walls, casting golden stripes along the dry, dirty ground. After I looked inside and seen the walkers, about 20 of them, I turned and went straight back to Daryl's tent and collapsed, rubbing my sore joints. I hadn't done any form of exercise since the outbreak, and just the small hike I'd done today was too much.
"You goin' to bed?" Daryl asked me.
"Yup," I said, yawning and pulling my boots off. I fell asleep in a matter of minutes and woke only once to Daryl unzipping the tent and coming in a few hours later.
The next morning, I woke feeling whole and rested; a feeling that had evaded me long ago. As I went to turn over, I felt Daryl's arm draped over my side.
Oh my god... I screamed a little bit internally, and rolled over as quietly as possible, trying not to move his arm from my body.
He twitched a little bit and one of his eyes opened. He eyed me up and down, and went to retract his arm.
"No," I said, and tried to hold it there. He listened, and I saw a bit of color rising in his cheeks. I reached over and gently touched his jaw with my fingertips, and saw him clench his lips, the muscles in his face contracting. I moved in and kissed him firmly, and that's when his other arm snaked around me as he rolled to his back and pulled me up so I was straddling him.
"good morning, sir," I said, giggling, and I gyrated my hips over the bulge in his pants.
"Ma'am," He said in a mocking tone and placed his hands behind his head so he stared up at me. I reached through my legs and undid his button and zipper, running my hands over his length as it sprung free. I felt his warmth rub my inner thigh and I shuddered. I pulled my shorts to the side, and positioned myself over him, so his tip just grazed my wetness.
"Do your worst." I said and rubbed my most sensitive part against his. He reached up and placed his hands on my hips, and as he squeezed the supple skin, he pushed his own hips up and I felt him enter me almost painfully, slowly.
"god," he said and his eyes rolled back in his head.
"Be careful of your side," I said, randomly remembering that his had just had an arrow through him two days previously.
"Mah side's fine. I don't feel a thing no more. Only you, and it feels amazing," He said and began to pick up his pace a little bit. The tingles started in my fingertips and I placed my hands down on his chest to balance myself. I became dizzy and the comforting and calming pulsing began in my groin. I let myself go as he pumped faster, and I sighed, accidentally moaning louder than I intended as I came. He smiled and placed a finger on my lips, begging for entrance. He continued to penetrate me as I bit on his finger tip gently.
"I'm gonna," he grunted.
"Come for me, Daryl," I whispered in his ear and he placed his hand around my neck as I felt him tremble, and then jerk as his orgasm hit. All movement stopped so I could feel him throbbing inside of me, so I started rocking again as we both came down.
"Christ almighty," He said, his breaths hitched in his throat. I swung my leg over, removing him from me and collapsed next to him.
"Best get out to breakfast. I smell it cookin'," Daryl said, his voice still slightly shaky.
"That was amazing. And I could go for some breakfast," I agreed, and used some baby wipes that I'd found in the camper to clean myself up. After I slipped on my tee shirt and a pair of black skinny jeans, I got to my feet and pulled Daryl to his. He buckled up his pants and belt and reached over to me. I was so surprised that I almost flinched.
"Your hair's all fucked up," and he patted down the puffs of frizz, "here," he said, giving up, but he handed me a black bandana from his pocket. I tied it and put it on like a head band, pulling the rest of the hair back and braiding it loosely.
"Thanks," I said, and smiled, as I turned and unzipped the tent. As I emerged, I froze. I had completely forgotten than we'd moved the tent right near the fire, so everybody sat there, silent as could be, staring at me and Daryl.
"You're lucky Carl's still sleepin' and didn't have to hear any of that," Lori said to me and she tried and failed to keep a straight face. She couldn't hold it in though and snorted, her laughter was a beautiful sound.
"Fuck all y'all! You coulda said somethin'!" Daryl acted mad, but a smile teased even his lips. His cheeks blazed with embarrassment.
"I am so sorry," I clapped a hand to my mouth and looked from Daryl back to everyone else.
"At least someone's gettin' some," TDog said, and this set everyone else off. Carol gave us both a plate of eggs, still laughing all the while. It had been five minutes before I noticed Glenn sitting by himself, face completely emotionless, and far in the background I noticed Maggie standing on the porch, her arms crossed, a scowl on her face.
He looked at her and then me, and got to his feet.
"Guys," he said, and cleared his throat, "the barn's full of walkers."
Any joy that had been in my heart had evaporated as quick as it came. I had actually managed to forget about the walkers, forget about this crazy, messed up world we're living in...
Shane looked crazed, and Rick was livid. Daryl, Andrea, Lori, TDog, Carol and Dale just looked stunned, but neither of them looked angry like Shane and Rick.
Everybody got to their feet and sprinted over to the barn. Shane went up to the door and peered in through the wooden slats. He jumped as a growl pierced the otherwise silent morning.
"You can not tell me you're alright with this!" Shane said, pacing nervously.
"Of course I'm not...it's not our land. I'll talk to Hershel. Don't do anything stupid Shane," Rick said.
"This isn't right!" Andrea chimed in.
"We gotta go then! Gotta leave!" Shane spat.
"We're not goin' anywhere," Rick said, and Carol removed her hand from covering her mouth, only long enough to say,
"My daughter's still out there."
"I'm close to finding this girl, I just found her damn doll two days ago!" Daryl cried.
Shane laughed menacingly and said, "I think it's 'bout time we think of the other ...possibility. You found a doll, Daryl, just a doll."
"You don't know what the hell you're talkin' about," Daryl was yelling now, poised to jump at Shane.
"I'm just sayin' what needs to be said. You find a good lead in 48 hours, otherwise you just gi.."
"Shane! We're not leaving Sophia," Rick said, with finality.
"Let me tell you somethin' else, man, if she saw you out in the woods, all methed out with your buck knife and geek ears around your neck, she'd high tail it in the opposite direction!" Shane screamed at Daryl, and it took Rick to hold him back. I saw Daryl look like he was about to cry, and I took it personally. As Rick tried to stop the confrontation from escalating, along with Carol, I stormed over to where Shane stood and punched him square in the cheek.
"Don't you dare speak to him that way." I growled, and turned around towards Daryl, scowl pasted on my face. I shook my fist out, feeling pretty certain that I broke a finger or at least jammed it.
"Let me figure this out. I'll talk to Hershel,"
"Man what're you gonna figure out!?" Shane screamed again, cradling his cheek.
"Hershel sees those things as people. Sick people. His wife. Stepson," I said, still shaking my hand.
"You knew?" Rick asked me.
"Just since yesterday. I was going to say something this morning, but Glenn wanted to be the one to..." I said.
"The man is crazy, don't matter who or what's in the barn," Shane said, and Rick tried to calm him. The doors of the barn shook, making the chains and locks clang on the wooden frame. It looked secure enough, but the walkers could get through anything if they were hungry enough, and it wasn't safe, especially not with children.
"I'll keep watch here with Daryl," I said, and sat on a rusted barrel outside of the doors.
Daryl nodded and paced back and forth. After what felt like hours, he had had enough.
"I'm goin' out to look for her."
"Not alone," I said, eating a piece of jerky that Maggie had brought out for me.
"You went out alone yesterday. It's like that for me today, I need time by mahself," He said, and he stormed off around to the stable where he proceeded to saddle up a horse. I felt the necklace around my neck, and smiled up, and though I heard what he said, I followed him anyway.
"You need time to heal, Daryl," Carol had come over from the camp, knowing what Daryl was gearing up to do. I nodded my head, agreeing with her.
"I'm fine. I can't just sit here and do nothin'."
"We don't even know if we're gonna find her. We don't," Carol said, surprising me, "I don't," she said, and her eyes filled with tears.
"Can't lose you too," And she cried.
Daryl walked over, a rage in his eyes like I'd never seen before. He walked by Carol and shoved the saddle from its rack with such force, he cried out in pain as he stretched his side where he'd been pierced with the arrow yesterday.
"You alright?" Carol asked, eyes still wet.
"Just leave me be," Daryl breathed heavily, and limped off saying, "stupid bitch," as he departed.
"I'm so sorry Carol," I said, and followed him. He stopped in his tracks, hearing my heavy footfalls behind him.
"Jus' leave me, Barbie. I don't wanna say mean shit to ya," He started walking again, and this time I left him go. "Be careful," Was all I said.
He waved me off and disappeared into the woods, abandoning getting the horse ready.
I saw Rick walking towards the house and joined up with him.
"Talking to Hershel?" I asked, flexing my stiff fingers from where I'd hit Shane.
"Yeah. You can come with, you're pretty persuasive if I remember correctly," He immediately blushed and looked away, because we both knew what he was referencing.
"We'll get that wrapped up for ya too inside," Rick said, acknowledging my swollen wrist and fingers. "Good hit, by the way," He chuckled and held the front door open for me, after he'd knocked and Hershel told him to come in. We walked into the dining room and saw him sitting at the table with a nicely spread lunch and the bible lay open on the table.
"A little light reading with lunch?" I asked, and chuckled.
"I've been so busy, I get my studying in when I can," Hershel said, not amused.
"We can help you, anything you need," Rick said, laying it on pretty thick right from the start.
"It's my field to tend," Hershel said, not looking up from his reading.
After a moment's silence, Rick spoke.
"We found the barn."
"Leave it be. It don't wanna talk about it, don't wanna debate-"
"Just a discussion. Not a debate," I said, grabbing gauze from a drawer in the coffee table.
"You and your people need to be gone by the end of the week," Hershel said, wiping his face with a napkin.
"How could you send us back out there? After everything I told you yesterday?" I growled at Hershel, feeling defeated. I finished up wrapping my wrist.
"The world is different out there. It changes you. Either into one of them, or something a lot less than the person you were." Rick said, a tone of begging in his voice.
Silence.
"My wife's pregnant. That's either a gift in here, or a curse out there. Don't do this to us. We can live together, work together."
"No, we can't."
"Think about it," Rick said.
"I have-"
"Think about it again!" I yelled and followed Rick as he stormed out, looking as broken as on the day we met in Atlanta.
Rick headed off towards the barn where Shane sat keeping watch. I went over to the camp to help Carol with laundry.
"How're you feeling?" I asked her as she handed me piles of wet clothes.
She shook her head, unable to speak. Daryl's words had hurt her deeply, and I could tell.
"He doesn't mean it you know," I said as I reached up to clip pants on the clothes line.
"I know," She squeaked, and started hanging clothes herself.
We finished the laundry and had some spare time, and Carol went off to find Daryl, so I cleaned the camper again, laid a fire for the evening and got some food out that the Greene's had gifted to us; potatoes and onions, which we'd chop and fry, along with some smoked ham.
I sat down under a tree with the book that I'd found in the console of the Prius and settled in to read a little bit.
"If you're going to stay here, you need to follow my rules. I'll show you how things are done, and you don't argue," I heard Hershel's distant voice on the edge of the woods. I could make out Hershel, Rick and Jimmy, the young kid who was with Hershel's youngest daughter, Beth.
They had the restraints that animal control officers used to collect dogs and cats from the street.
"Oh Christ," I mumbled, but stuck to my reading. After about a half an hour, I got up and decided to look for Daryl and Carol, just to make sure they were okay.
I hobbled back through the woods awkwardly, and came to a huge pond. It was beautiful and serene; the water looked black and shone like micah, and the old dock and dilapidated row boat added to the serenity.
"I'll find her," I heard Daryl say faintly from the other side of the pond. I walked around and met up with the two of them, and they stood by the water's edge looking at a Cherokee rose that snaked its way through the tall grasses and bloomed like a diamond in the rough.
He saw my face, and immediately turned back to Carol.
"I'm sorry for what I said earlier," He said.
"You wanted to look for her. Why? I've just wanted to ask you this whole time, why Sophia?"
"Because I think she's still out there," He said, wiping his nose., and I knew that he felt more for this little girl. He saw himself in her shoes; abusive father, and a seemingly weak mother who'd all but given up. I would never get to analyze real clients, so Daryl Dixon would have to do.
"We'll find her. We will," Carol said, reaching out to stroke the velvety soft petal of the rose.
"I don't know about y'all, but I'm going for a swim," I looked at Carol and Daryl, and Carol smiled, but shook her head.
"I'll head back. You two have fun," She winked and turned to go.
"Carol, I got out the potatoes and onions, meat's in the house and the fire's all laid. There's some mint sun tea brewing on top of the RV. Have fun getting it down, because it was a total bitch to get up there," I laughed.
"Thanks Soph- Heather! Thanks Heather," My heart fell again when I heard the longing for her daughter in her voice.
"Let's just go back," Daryl encouraged, knowing that he wanted to be near Carol.
"I'm fine with that, babe," Oh no..I called him babe.
"Babe?" and he busted up laughing, "okay, pumpkin, let's go," He wiped sweat from his brow.
"Shut up," I said, narrowing my eyes with a smirk.
"Let's cut through the swamp. We can get back easy through here," Daryl led the way into the dimly lit forest, the floor was mushy beneath our feet.
"Watch you don't sink in," he warned, reaching out his hand so I could balance myself over a sink hole on a narrow branch. We came to a clearing and heard voices. Daryl immediately put his hand up to stop me, and I froze.
"You belong here Shane. This world," It was Dale, and his voice shook; we looked around the wide trunk of a tree and saw that Dale had his shotgun pointed into Shane's chest.
"How's that, Dale?" Shane said, voice dripping with disdain. Dale lowered the gun.
"What it is now. This is where you belong. I may not have what it takes to last for long, but that's okay. At least I can say that when the world went to shit, I didn't let it take me with down it," And he shoved the bag of guns that I assumed he'd brought out here to hide into Shane's arms.
"Fair enough," Shane snarled, and walked back towards the camp.
"Dale are you alright?" I asked, stepping out into the clearing. Dale jumped slightly.
"He's out of his damn mind. Be careful with him, you two," He warned, after Daryl had stepped out behind me.
"Let's head back," Daryl said and led the way back through the rugged undergrowth. After 5 minutes of silence, we emerged into the fresh air and I breathed deeply, getting the heavy, humid forest air out of my lungs.
I saw Glenn conversing with T and Andrea, and Daryl sped up when he heard their conversation.
"Haven't you seen Rick?" Glenn asked,
"He went off with Hershel, they were supposed to go out looking for Sophia hours ago," I said, pointing to Andrea and T.
"Rick told us he was going out, but he never came back with your dad," Carol said to Maggie.
"Damnit, isn't anyone taking this seriously?" Daryl said, and he turned around. "Here we go," And he went off towards Shane who was shuffling out of the forest with his precious bag of guns.
"You with me?" he said to Daryl, and Daryl took a shotgun, cocking it so it was ready to fire.
"Time to grow up," Shane said, and stalked off towards the barn.
"You gonna protect yours?" Shane handed Glenn a gun, who hesitated, but finally took the large weapon.
"Can you stop?" Maggie said, "You do this, you hand out these guns, my daddy will make you leave tonight,"
"Shane we have to say!" Carl called from the porch, suddenly seeming more adult.
"What the hell is this?" Lori said, storming off the porch toward Shane.
"Hershel's gotta understand. He'll have to," Shane said, and he knelt in front of Carl as he stepped off the porch. He moved to hand Carl a gun.
"No guns. They said no guns. This is NOT your call," Lori snarled, pushing Carl back out of the way, "not your decision to make Shane."
"Oh shit!" T said, staring off towards the woods. We all followed his gaze and saw Jimmy walking backwards, clapping his hands, leading two walkers on the animal restraints. On the end of each restraint Hershel and Rick were the ones in control of where the walkers went.
"What the fuck is this!? Are you kiddin' me?" Shane yelled and ran full speed towards his best friend. Daryl ran after him, and everyone else followed too. As we met at the edge of the driveway, the two walkers snarling, grabbing for anything they could make contact with.
"You see? See what you're holdin' on to?" Shane yelled.
"I see who I'm holding onto," Hershel said, struggling a bit with the walker who'd once been female.
"Lemme ask you somethin'. Could a livin' breathin' person survive this?" Shane cocked his pistol and shot it into the belly of the female; 3 times, each shot resounding in the open space. The walker kept coming towards him, and he took two more shots. "Lungs, chest...still moving!"
"That's enough!" Rick called out,
"Yeah that is enough," Shane said, and walked over to the zombie, pointing his gun at her face, he pulled the trigger. Her head snapped back and she crumpled to the ground.
Hershel fell to his knees next to the walker, and I could see the tears swimming in his eyes. Lori protected Carl, looking disgusted.
Daryl still held his gun, but I could tell he had no intention of firing.
Shane continued on his tirade:
"Enough! Enough risking our lives for a little girl who's gone. Enough living next to a barn full of things trying to kill us. Enough. It ain't like it was before If you wanna survive, you gotta fight, and that's what I'm doin', I'm fightin'!", he ran over to the barn and pulled the plank that was barring the doors shut, along with breaking the locks with a pick axe.
"Hershel! Take it!" Rick tried to pass off the restraint to Hershel so he could stop Shane.
"Here, give it here Rick," I said and took the pole from him, struggling to keep the walker in cover alls at bay.
"This is not the way, brother," Rick yelled out to him, but it was too late, and the doors of the barn creaked open, and walkers began to flow out. Everything seemed to go in slow motion. Hershel was still on his knees, visibly crying now, and his daughters surrounded him. Andrea took her place next to Shane and Rick and aimed her gun at the approaching walkers. Shane spun around and hit the walker I was controlling with his pistol, and I dropped the restraint as the man fell to the ground. All of the guns began firing at once, and as soon as it began, the firefight ended, and we all stood breathless, breathing in the smell of heavy rotting flesh and burning gunpowder.
There was a certain silence, one that couldn't be explained unless you were there. We could hear each other's breathing, and dust hung heavily in the air. As it cleared, the gunshots echoed still in my ears.
I heard a tiny soft growling, not loud and horrid like the others.
"There's another," I called out, pointing to the barn.
And then I saw her. Her blue rainbow shirt, holes torn in it and blood soaked through the whole thing. Her mud stained khaki capris and her dirty sneakers. She looked up at us, and it almost seemed like the old her. The old Sophia. There was something still human about her, something still innocent and precious. Her hair was still twisted loosely from when I had done it for her back at the quarry.
Before I could control my actions, I fell to the ground and began to sob. Carol's reaction was heartbreaking; she also fell to the ground, but only because Daryl grabbed on to her so she didn't run to the shell of her daughter. Rick struggled internally, but nobody else moved, so he walked forward with purpose and held up his gun. Pointing it to Sophia's temple, his hand shook, but he pulled the trigger, and everyone cringed when the sound of her little, emaciated body hit the dry ground.
"Jesus Christ," I whispered and tried to shield my eyes from looking at her body. Daryl beckoned me over and as I crawled towards him, he pulled me into an embrace, along with Carol.