Grocery shopping wasn't just an excuse, Monica and I really needed food. Of course I can't get everything we need because she took the car back home by the time I get to the club's parking lot. She must have assumed Wade and I were still hanging out. I bite my lip at the thought of leaving him standing there. That was terrible. He asked for a second chance and was there for me at the doctor's office. He wanted to be there for me and I pushed him away.

I grip the grocery bags and shake my head. No, it was for the best. The sun is starting to completely disappear behind the skyscrapers as I get to the apartment door. I knock with my foot and wait for Mon to answer the door.

"Who is it?" she sings from the other side.

"Come on, I'm exhausted. Just open up."

I hear the locks clicking as she asks, "Why are you exhausted?"

"I never thought," I say walking inside. "Falling in love could be so tiring."

My heart pounds as the bags slip from my hands. Wade is sitting on our couch legs crossed at the ankles like he has lived here his whole life. Monica's face is oddly giddy and she takes the bags into the kitchen. Wade watches me curiously.

"Loving who?" she prompts.

My body is frozen in place. Did he come here to tell Monica that we broke up? Why does he look so happy? What the hell is going on? Why is my journal on the table? OPENED?!

"What?" I say brilliantly forgetting what Monica just asked me.

Wade licks his lips and raises his eyebrows happily as he repeats, "Loving who?"

"Oh, no!" Monica says with fake worry. "You forgot my tampons. I'll be back in an hour. Have fun you two!"

That's weird because her period ended four days ago, she doesn't need tampons. I try to stop her from leaving, but she just giggles and escapes. I can't do this. I just broke up with Wade. What is he doing here? Why is he here? He just heard me say that I love him. How can I lie my way out of this one?

He gets up and slowly walks over to me. "Sarah, we need to talk about this."

I shake my head. "No, I can't."

"You don't let people get close to you," he explains. "I get it. You're afraid of losing them."

I close my eyes and pretend he's not here.

"Sarah," he takes my hands so gently that it sends shivers down my spine. "Can we please talk this out?"

We both sit down on the couch facing each other, but I refuse to see his eyes. He's right of course. I am afraid to let anyone be close to me. My last boyfriends didn't even get to know my middle name or my last name for that matter. But now it's more than just a fear of intimacy. I'm going to die.

"Wade, I'm so sorry," I whisper trying not to cry. "Everything is all just happening all at once."

He pauses. "I get that you don't want to look at me, understandably, but I want to be able to have a conversation with you and not Cousin It."

I move the hair from my face and look up at him. "Don't be an ass."

"Hey." His brown eyes grow concerned as he sees that I'm crying. "Come here."

He pulls me closer to him so that my head is on his chest and his arms are around me. I breathe in his scent and sigh at the feeling of being in his embrace. He leads me to the couch and we continue cuddling as I cry into his shirt. I finally found a man that treats me like I'm important to him, and I'm going to die. Life is a bitch.

"Why are you here?" I say as I calm down a little.

Wade rubs my back as he speaks. "I wanted to talk to Monica."

"About?" I put my hand on his chest as I lean into him more.

"Stripper names."

A small laugh escapes my lips. "What did you come up with?"

"Sexy Freddy Kruger."

I slap his chest lightly. "Quit that."

I feel his lips touch my forehead before he says, "I actually came to talk about your bucket list thing."

Wade tells me that we should all be trying to help me complete everything on the list. Although he makes a point not to say anything about my cancer or inevitable death, I can tell there is hurt in his eyes. We talk about our break up and I explain how I am afraid of losing him and him losing me. Wade surprises me by nodding and saying he doesn't care; he just wants to be with me. After another snarky remark about his physical appearance, I groan.

"Wade!"

He laughs at my anger. "Sarah, I know what I am."

"If you hate your face, let me give you a makeover."

Shaking his head, he gets up from the couch. "I'm not a life-size Barbie doll."

I grab my journal and the pen and start writing something really fast. Wade's eyes widen as he realizes what I am doing. He tries to snatch the book from my hands, but I finished it before he even had a chance. His eyes skim the new addition to my bucket list and he drops it on the table.

"Nope, nope." He crosses his arms. "No."

"You said that you're going to help me complete this list."

His jaw clenches, but then he sighs in defeat. "I better look like fucking Madonna after this."