The only thing Herbert hated more than Cassie Hack at the moment was possibly Halloween. It wasn't so much the holiday itself, since like most holidays, he didn't care one way or another, but Halloween was the one holiday he couldn't avoid. It probably had something to do with the fact that he lived in an old house right in the middle of a cemetery, but either way, he was still locking all the doors and windows and turning out the lights.
It wasn't that he was afraid – if someone broke into his home and tried to do whatever it was they aimed to do, he would act accordingly and make sure it never happened again. Dan had left the baseball bat on the kitchen counter and after a few failed experiments and extended amounts of time with Cassie, Herbert knew he wouldn't miss. He just didn't want anyone bothering him because they did that enough during the daylight hours on the other three hundred and sixty-four days of the year, and he just wanted to work. It was even kind of liberating without Dan…without Dan to whine, it was amazing what he'd accomplished.
He clicked on a flashlight and aimed to go back down into the basement to start a new batch of re-agent, but unfortunately the phone rang – the phone, which he thought, he'd unplugged already. He thought about it – normally, he'd just let it go. It couldn't be anyone he knew; Dan never called and Herbert paid all his bills, so bill collectors were out of the question.
But for some reason he found himself answering and he'd find something to blame it on later because as soon as he heard the voice on the other end, he was sorry he hadn't just locked himself in the basement.
"Having an unhappy Halloween?" Cassie asked casually on the other end, her voice sounding far away.
'What do you want?" he groaned, heading down the stairs with a tight grip on the portable phone. "It's late."
"It's ten o'clock," said Cassie. "What do you care, you never go to bed anyway."
He didn't have an answer to the comment, as he was too busy trying not to trip himself and fall down the stairs. "So what's up with you?" she asked.
"The neighborhood children are slathering my windows in shaving cream and I'm in the basement, what else is new?" he asked coldly.
He heard her laugh on the other end and he could almost see the smile on her face as she paced around either outside a gas station or a parking lot while she talked. "I'm somewhere in Louisiana," said Cassie. "Heading off to deal with what we think might be real vampires. Just thought I'd give you a call."
"As amusing as that useless information is, I'm busy," said Herbert, flipping the light on, which flickered weakly.
He switched the flashlight off and put it down on the counter as Cassie snorted in his ear. "Don't you wanna know why I called you?" she asked.
"Not especially, but you're probably going to tell me," Herbert replied dryly as he began setting up what he needed.
"I was having bad dreams again!" said Cassie. "You wouldn't believe it – evil milk and cheese everywhere; another fucking lactose intolerant nightmare! Freaked me out, man."
Herbert sighed impatiently and paused in setting up his workspace. "Can I ask what exactly the relevance of this conversation is?" he asked in exasperation.
"Don't freak out or anything," Cassie shot back with subdued sarcasm. "Look, I tried to call Georgia, but she was on her way out to a party. Seeing as I already woke up Vlad and I got him buying us Icees, I figured…what the hell."
"I thought I made it perfectly clear to you that I'm not interested in pursuing a…" he began, but was cut off.
"Fuck, are you still harping about that?" Cassie asked, with Herbert practically hearing the eye roll. "It was one time! What's the big deal about it? You helped me out, I helped you out, the end! At least now we can say we did it if anyone asks. Correct me if I'm wrong, but as far as platonic female friends go, I'd say I'm a pretty awesome friend."
"Since when have we been friends?" Herbert asked.
"Well, I'd like to think sometime before you saw me naked and took my virginity, but if not, I'd say after that," said Cassie.
"There is no such thing as blunt where you're concerned, is there?" Herbert asked dryly.
"I'm only talking to you in a way you'll understand," said Cassie, with Herbert almost hearing the shrug in her voice. "And who knows, maybe we'll do it again some day."
"The odds of that are highly unlikely," said Herbert, lifting a Styrofoam cooler up onto the table.
"So you say, but you said you didn't wanna sleep with me in the first place," said Cassie. "So much for that."
"I didn't want to sleep with you!" said Herbert. "You're the one that enforced it."
"I hate to point it out to you there, West, but if I was such an enforcer, why were you the one on top?" she asked. "You don't think I let that happen intentionally, do you?"
"We're not having this conversation," said Herbert.
"Okay, then how about this?" Cassie asked. "Has Dan finally shut up about it?"
Herbert rolled his eyes. "No," he said irritably. "Working with the man has become an exercise in self-control thanks to you. I'd like to get through one lunch break without having to hear his opinions on how nice parts of your anatomy are."
"Well when you see Dan, kick him in the nuts for me, the fucking pervert," she replied. "But as far as your job goes, isn't it hard on your self-control in the first place? I know you hate the people you work with – you complain about them all the time, so I don't really get what the loss is there."
"Yes, well…I've got intestines to defrost," he said quickly. "Have fun slaughtering whatever it is you find."
Cassie laughed. "And you have fun fighting with the gross intestines that come back to life!" she said brightly. "You know if you manage to keep them under control, I bet you could figure a way to keep those kids away from the house."
"I'll keep it in mind," Herbert replied absently, casually pulling the subject of the conversation out of the cooler and putting them onto the table. "Goodbye, Cassie."
She laughed, but for some reason he was detecting warmth in her voice and he didn't like it. "Be good, Herbert," she said, just before her phone clicked off.
A/N: I've got to warn you - after this, there's going to be some PG-13 to light R-rated filth. Any ideas or objections, feel free to voice them.